It's not a man thing, I definitely agree. But a lot of Pakistani men seem to thirst women from higher classes and treat those from the same one or below with contempt.
And if you mean "desires the best person" in terms of class, then, yeah, I don't agree with you there ngl. We need to stop perceiving those belonging to the upper strata as more desirable, morally righteous or untouchable. They are the same as the rest of us - so why the extra attraction?
And I know having a second wife isn't un-Islamic, thats why I put pseudo-islamic reasons - as in, their reasons stem from zina, but veiled as Islami.
As someone posted above, it goes both ways BUT unfortunately in most cases, females in Pakistan can only "wish" for a guy above their own socio economic status.
Tough subject to handle as it has some granularity and various shades of gray but in my personal opinion it's the general social (and sick) norms of our culture where male gender is considered "better" or by default, has the upper hand.
Before I touch the actual topic, I would say that there is a big misconception not only in Pakistan but all over the world.
We usually don't have a correct understanding of the scenarios when we push for gender equality.
If I have to put it in simple terms then,
Men and women are equal BUT they are not identical.
The underline above is the missing piece that we MUST acknowledge.
Say there is a test that has 10 questions, and each question has 10 points.
A man answers 9 questions right but his # 2 was wrong so he gets 90 points.
The female also gets 9 right but her # 7 is wrong, she also gets 90 points.
In the end, both are equal at 90, but they are not identical.
Nature has put qualities in men where they have an upper hand IN SOME aspects of life.
And in the same way, nature has blessed women with qualities where they have an upper hand on men, in some other aspects of life.
Here is an example, you probably have never heard of a country sending an army of all females to fight a war with an army of men.
But at the same time, when a baby cries, the father cannot stand it. It hit's his nerves. The mother on the hand has been blessed by nature to be able to absorb the baby's cries as if it's a walk in the park.
The same woman will jump up and down in panic if she sees a mouse or a cockroach in the bathroom while man will pick a shoe and squash it at the spot.
Once we understand that our very basic understanding (and fully start believing) that "man and woman being equal in rights" but it also has a fine print (the underlined above) then perhaps things may start to change for good.
Now mind you,
Not all men are bad, and not all women are angels.
There are gold diggers for women and there are scumbag for guys.
There are good decent, smart, intelligent and truly faithful girls and there are hardworking "Mazloom and shareef shohars" (like myself
)".
However, the general perception in our lower and middle class society where male gender is given a carte blanche is the root cause of the issue.
And it's not only limited to the male himself when it comes to finding a life partner.
It's the entire family of the male, ESPECIALLY his mother who blindly believes in it.
She wants a girl that looks like Lady Diana, Bill Gates to be her Father, and a physician to be her profession and then she must be ready to perform "Jhaaru and Bartan", for her chouthi jamaat fail bandar looking, nalaiq, nikamma and awara son.
And the worst part is, everyone is OK with this notion. The guy himself, his sisters, his entire family.
The poor middle/lower class girl and his family on the other hand, has limited say.
The parents eagerly wait for a rishta and ready to make HUGE compromises because they must off load this responsibility before the girl gets "over age" or they pass away.
The results of such union is usually not always a truly happy marital life.
Girls usually get their dreams shattered when they are kinda forced to get married to a guy and his family who is lesser in socio economic status.
By her nature to compromise, she does what she can but the hurt almost always remains there.
So "Happy wife, Happy Life", hardly ever happens in such unions. It's mostly a huge compromise from both parties due to social pressure.
There is obviously no guarantee in either way whether you have found a life partner through personal choice, love marriage, arrange marriage etc but I think it must start with the guys to truly understand that in order to increase their chances to live a happy marital life, they should look for a suited match where the girl should be one degree less than him in education, family, and socio economic status.
When you bring such girl to your home after Nikkah, she generally takes it as a blessing and goes above and beyond to keep you happy.
This will also resolve the problem of a lot of lower class families where the girls are unable to get married.
The mothers of the boy,
and boy himself MUST understand that, if you want a doctor girl, then you MUST be a specialist physician yourself to begin with.
If you want a lovely looking girl, then you MUST be a good looking young and handsome man.
If you want a "shareef girl", then you MUST have an exemplary moral character.
If you want a girl from a rich family, then you MUST have a family richer then her family.
But in our society, the situation is totally opposite.
Nalaiq and Nikkma guy (and his family) will look for a highly educated girl.
Guy will have some education and perhaps a job but may be missing two frontal tooth, and a severe hair loss but he and his mother would want an extremely pretty looking girl 10 years younger than him.
The guy would have a sketchy life style with subah shaam poondi and slew of online and offline girlfriends and a party lifestyle, but when it comes to marriage? Ohhhh, now he wants a " som-o-salaat ki paaband shareef girl".
So males must "look at their shakkal in a mirror" and acknowledge their aukaat to truly evaluate themselves and find out exactly what they are. And only then, look for a girl that should do justice to this union.
The mothers of such guys do it too.
And then we must also put a stop on this extremely SICK cultural trait where mothers of the boys shop around to visit other people's homes and look at their daughters as if they are here in a bakra mandi, shopping for an animal.
I have a very good friend from Rawalpindi who immigrated to United States a few years ago.
The guy was a Major and a physician in the Pak army, his both parents are also retired physicians from the army as well. This guys also holds an engineering degree. And he is one heckuva smart and a humble guy.
In their family, they have what I call an exemplary way for matrimonial unions.
If they hear about a girl for their sons, or if someone recommends a girl, they do their own investigation to verify the basic information without letting the girl's family know. Then they ask the guy to secretly take a look at the girl (visit her college etc) without making any verbal contact and without letting her know.
If they boy approves, the family simply visits the girl's house and don't ask to see the girl. They simply put the matrimonial offer on the table, and then give full autonomy to let the girl's family start their research on the guy and take the final decision.
I truly wish if other families start doing this in Pakistan as well.
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The other piece where you touched a little in OP is religious angle.
And my God! Where should I begin?
In a vast majority of our religious education, religious understanding and religious implementation, our entire Islam ends at female.
Sara ka sara Islaam aurat pe aa kar rukta hai.
For example,
Lots and lots of emphasis on parda, head covers, and dressing up with modesty for females but hardly ANYWAHERE you will hear a sermon where the Mullah sahib tells the males to "LOWER THEIR GAZE" as it's an order of Quran.
In the name of honor, a father may take the life of his daughter for having a questionable character, but the same father will turn his face the other way, if his son is a fornicator.
And then we have another polar extreme on the other side which is perhaps the side effect of this injustice, where you will see "Mera Jisam meri Marzi" type upper class females beating their chests in support of the middle/lower class females. These upper and high class women, actually don't give a flying flock about the poor lower class females. They have them work as slaves in their lavish homes.
Three times divorced females on TV giving advices to other females as how to run their home affairs.
Aaaway ka aawa he plata huva hai.
