Should Indian/Pakistani men move out after marriage?

[The_KING]

Time and time again, we have seen the problems in desi households between mother and the wife and the poor son is often stuck in the middle and has to make a difficult decision of choosing between his mother and his wife. Obviously it's expected of men to live with their parents forever in Indian and Pakistani culture. There is no concept of moving out in South Asian households unfortunately but to avoid of all this daily saas bahu nonsense, should desi men move out after marriage? Would you ever move out after marriage? Discuss.

 

[Mamoon]

No, you have a duty to your wife as well as your parents/mother. You can't forego the latter because you are married now. It is your duty to strike a balance and there will be problems, but you will have to deal with them like so many other people.

Besides, not every desi household has this problem.

 

[Moiza]

I am strictly against this especially if your parents are old. The younger generation has a lot of "aakar" in themselves and refuse to compromise which is the root of most problems. Many people who have dealt with ageing parents/grand parents would know that they tends to argue over stuff which is wrong but sometimes you have to give in rather than fighting logically and this is lacking now a days. Many problems I have heard about can be fixed just by talking about them but unfortunately people would rather fight about them.

However, there are mothers out there who consider their DILs as slaves and when they dont come down to what they had expected they start a fight. My parents are very understanding so I dont think I would face any reason to make me want to move out.

Our society too is not very accommodating of old people which makes matters worse.

 

[Thivagar]

If your wife and or your parents are nuts, it is better to do that. You very much know what kind of parents yo have, get a wife who is sensible. Prefer love marriage.

 

[aloo paratha]

My brother is approaching the age of marriage and I often hear my parents talking about this. My mom is the " hamaray saath rahey ga" and my dad is more chill and says that it's his choice and that you can't force them. My view is that you can live together for the first bot, maybe 1-2 years but eventually you're gonna have to move out once you have children anyways, at least in the West, you can't find big, affordable houses to accommodate many people.

If the problem is about fighting, then try and sort it out but if there can't a solution while staying together, moving out is the only option.

 

[Pakistanian]

Depends.

If you're your parents only son and their old, it isn't a good idea then but you gotta lay the groundrules. Best thing in that situation would be to become so successful you could buy yourself a huge house so you wouldn't have many issues.

 

[PakLFC]

Depends on how big the house is. Preferably should not but if arguments occur that it has to be considered. Have to take in to consideration how the parents will do when the son/s moves out. Another option would be to continue supporting the parents financially if the son moves out but he'll have to be earning lots to be able to do that.

 

[kingusama92]

Each situation is unique.

There are so many variables at play meaning the right answer will be different for each man.

 

[Theo_14]

Has anyone moved out straight after after marriage? How did you deal with the situation?

I think these days esp in Western countries - if you marry from Western countries - a woman usually wants to move out but they do compromise 1/3 years.

 

[kaayal]

Has anyone moved out straight after after marriage? How did you deal with the situation?

I think these days esp in Western countries - if you marry from Western countries - a woman usually wants to move out but they do compromise 1/3 years.

Mmm.....depends on a lot of factors. But ultimately it’s all upon the way girl was raised. Some may thrive in such environment but others may wilt.

1)If she is the type of “independent” one who doesn’t like others interfering in her matters, don’t think the stay will last long. Frustation will built up and will finally blow up all at once.

2)The family members may act nice in front of you but will be definitely back bite behind. Not to mention those nosy relatives who will have an opinion about everything she do. There wil be some disrespectful childrens too who don’t know how to talk to elders.

3)Then there is jealousy between wife and mother in law/sister in law etc regarding getting who gets the more attention from the guy.

4)If the girl doesn’t go for work or have a social life after marriage or is not allowed to go out with friends, it’s going to affect your life really bad. She will find faults in everything she do. Try to give her some “me” time and clear out her frustrations.

5) Everyone will have a way of doing their things in their home. There will be small conflicts regarding this as your wife would want something but your mom has been doing like this forever and she would never change because of “someone” who came just now etc.

I think having just mom and dad is ok. But when it comes to other extended families it going to be tricky and better move out as early as possible.

 

[Musakhel]

If you have other brothers who work, you should move out, if you are the only son, you should stay.

 

[King-Misbah]

You should move out or have a separate portion of the house. A bit awkward to live freely as husband, wife and living with your parents. I am not saying that you stop stop visiting or looking after your parents.

 

[sweep_shot]

I am not married but if I get married, I want to move out. I think it makes things easier.

 

[Savak]

Depends. If your parents are unwell then you have to stick around to help them out

 

[UP]

Yes.

It can save you a lot of drama.

 

[dildilpak]

Throwing it out here - Doesn’t the girl have ageing parents too - why is she not allowed to live with hers after marriage, more so if she is the only child? Are the parents of a guy more special than the parents of the girl?

The only solution is both set of parents living with the couple or both dont. That doesn’t mean that they are not obligated to look after the parents, you can do that without staying with them.

 

[Savak]

Throwing it out here - Doesn’t the girl have ageing parents too - why is she not allowed to live with hers after marriage, more so if she is the only child? Are the parents of a guy more special than the parents of the girl?

The only solution is both set of parents living with the couple or both dont. That doesn’t mean that they are not obligated to look after the parents, you can do that without staying with them.

Don't throw out blanket statements. If a parent needs 24/7 assistance where they are totally dependent on their loved ones, you can't leave them alone. In the desi culture, the girl leaves her family, it is the responsibility of the male/brother to look after his parents.

 

[dildilpak]

O

Don't throw out blanket statements. If a parent needs 24/7 assistance where they are totally dependent on their loved ones, you can't leave them alone. In the desi culture, the girl leaves her family, it is the responsibility of the male/brother to look after his parents.

What if the girl doesn’t have brothers?

 

[Savak]

O

What if the girl doesn’t have brothers?

Thats a different story. I have heard of a situation of this kind, the guy volunteered and agreed to live with his wife in her parent's house and help her take care of her parents. In another situation the wife chose to divorce the guy because her mom was unwell, she didn't have any brothers and she didn't want her husband to give up his life, career and give up being close to his family, friends.

In my own family i know of a few girls who haven't bothered to monitor their sick moms or dads once they left home and one of the male cousins had to step in to make arrangements to look after their parents. Their excuse "hum apne khawand, bachoan or ghar ko nahin chor sakte the"

 

[big_gamer007]

You cant generalize entire 1.5 billion population. Depends on case by case bases, in some cases it might be better to move out in others it's best to stay with parents.
You need to figure out yourself which suits you, good luck.

 

[gazza619]

Some people cant afford to move out.

In an ideal situation if finances permit, the guy should move out to a home nearby the parents home so that there can be regular convenient visits both ways.