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British-Pakistani weddings - Why are they so boring and orchestrated?

cricketmerijaan

cricketmerijaan

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I have recently attended 10 weddings in the past two months, and every wedding was almost identical to other.

Food:

Starters:
Papri Chaat, Salad, Chicken Drumsticks, Roast Potatoes, Seekh Kebabs and Masala Fish.
Mains: Mutton Pilau, Lamb Curry, Chicken Curry/Palak and Mixed Veg Curry with Naan or Roti.
Dessert:Gajar Halwa, Gulab Jamun & Ice Cream

Wedding Cars:
Rolls Royce Phantom/Ghost or Bentley Flying Spur (White)

Clothes
Hideous Sherwanis, men dressed in gold or maroon salwar kameez or waistcoats, brides maid dressed in unflattering clothes, caked in makeup like drag queens.

The whole weddings are orchestrated like they are from a script. From the brides entrance, to DJ blasting music during a sit down dinner, camera teams dictating what to do, people only doing things in this way, because "It's just what we do."

Where is the originality? Have our people lost their ability to think for themselves and do what they want to do?

Why do out people still cry on Ruksati's, when their daughter can visit them every week. This is not 1960's Pakistan where people didn't have cars and couldn't afford to see their parents for months.
 
I only attend the feast after the wedding, everything else is too cringeworthy, eat the food, give salams and leave.
 
Lol at the crying at rukhsati part

It's so obvious that it's fake

I've notice that there is always a tola of 7-8 aunties who take the mantle of expressing emotions at family events. They cry the loudest at deaths, make the most drama at rukhsati etc
 
Slog said:
Lol at the crying at rukhsati part

It's so obvious that it's fake

I've notice that there is always a tola of 7-8 aunties who take the mantle of expressing emotions at family events. They cry the loudest at deaths, make the most drama at rukhsati etc
Click to expand...

It's not always fake. My cousin-sister got married two weeks ago and her husband and his family live in California and she will be flying out there, at the time of the rukhsati her mom and three khalas were the only ones shedding a tear or two and it was pretty genuine because she was an only child and the first daughter to be married off from the family in the better part of two decades. Even all the male cousins (myself included) had an urge to cry when we hugged her last time before she got in the car. Obviously we all kept our cool.


I understand the over-dramatic bhain bhain kar ke rona is dramay baazi, but sometimes the tears are genuine and you cannot help it.
 
Canadian Pakistani weddings are pretty similar to Pakistani weddings in Pakistan, atleast the ones that I have attended.


Only difference is, the seating is pre-determined. Like in Pakistan you can sit wherever you want but here they put you on a table with people you may or may not know. Obviously you can move and walk around but food you will eat on your designated table.
 
Syed1 said:
It's not always fake. My cousin-sister got married two weeks ago and her husband and his family live in California and she will be flying out there, at the time of the rukhsati her mom and three khalas were the only ones shedding a tear or two and it was pretty genuine because she was an only child and the first daughter to be married off from the family in the better part of two decades. Even all the male cousins (myself included) had an urge to cry when we hugged her last time before she got in the car. Obviously we all kept our cool.


I understand the over-dramatic bhain bhain kar ke rona is dramay baazi, but sometimes the tears are genuine and you cannot help it.
Click to expand...

Yes. For the most part it is though.

Esp when the parents live in Gulshan Block 2 and their daughter's new house will be in Gulshan Block 3
 
Syed1 said:
Canadian Pakistani weddings are pretty similar to Pakistani weddings in Pakistan, atleast the ones that I have attended.


Only difference is, the seating is pre-determined. Like in Pakistan you can sit wherever you want but here they put you on a table with people you may or may not know. Obviously you can move and walk around but food you will eat on your designated table.
Click to expand...

lol how do they get Pakistanis to stick to the plan and sit on their designated tables?
 
Slog said:
lol how do they get Pakistanis to stick to the plan and sit on their designated tables?
Click to expand...


No no people sit idhar odhar bhi and mingle, but khanay ke waqt they sit on their designated spots so mix of east and west lol :afridi

I've seen people who stop at red lights in deserted streets at 2am because they are afraid there might be a chachu hidden in the dark, but in Pakistan these same people break every single traffic law. I don't know what this mentality is. They take their own country for granted.
 
[MENTION=138254]Syed1[/MENTION] [MENTION=47617]Red Devil[/MENTION] I know they are a bit one dimensional in the UK, but am going to make my entrance like this:


They are 100% incredible in Pakistan :))) the audacity of that guy doing Triple H's routine lmao I think Syed1 opened a thread on it a while back
 
Am actually serious, if that day comes one day god willing; on my shaddi my plan is to either do the Undertaker routine or come down a balcony on a zip line like HBK did at mania 12:


Then start super kicking all the aunties like this:

 
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Slog said:
Yes. For the most part it is though.

Esp when the parents live in Gulshan Block 2 and their daughter's new house will be in Gulshan Block 3
Click to expand...

that is a very ignorant way of looking at it

it is not just about the location of the house but the fact that it is the start of a new life outside your comfort zone

you will have to adjust from being a girl to a woman and will not always be pampered like you were in your parents house

you have to adjust to your in laws and new way of life and you really don't know what type of person your husband will be unless you actually start living with him

all these thoughts strike the moment the bride leaves for new home and it is an emotional moment not only for her but for her family too

to call it fake is very disrespectful and shows lack of empathy
 
cricketmerijaan said:
I have recently attended 10 weddings in the past two months, and every wedding was almost identical to other.

Food:

Starters:
Papri Chaat, Salad, Chicken Drumsticks, Roast Potatoes, Seekh Kebabs and Masala Fish.
Mains: Mutton Pilau, Lamb Curry, Chicken Curry/Palak and Mixed Veg Curry with Naan or Roti.
Dessert:Gajar Halwa, Gulab Jamun & Ice Cream

Wedding Cars:
Rolls Royce Phantom/Ghost or Bentley Flying Spur (White)

Clothes
Hideous Sherwanis, men dressed in gold or maroon salwar kameez or waistcoats, brides maid dressed in unflattering clothes, caked in makeup like drag queens.

The whole weddings are orchestrated like they are from a script. From the brides entrance, to DJ blasting music during a sit down dinner, camera teams dictating what to do, people only doing things in this way, because "It's just what we do."

Where is the originality? Have our people lost their ability to think for themselves and do what they want to do?

Why do out people still cry on Ruksati's, when their daughter can visit them every week. This is not 1960's Pakistan where people didn't have cars and couldn't afford to see their parents for months.
Click to expand...

sounds exactly like a pakistani wedding in america

nothing wrong with it though. it is tradition.
 
shaz619 said:
[MENTION=138254]Syed1[/MENTION] [MENTION=47617]Red Devil[/MENTION] I know they are a bit one dimensional in the UK, but am going to make my entrance like this:


They are 100% incredible in Pakistan :))) the audacity of that guy doing Triple H's routine lmao I think Syed1 opened a thread on it a while back
Click to expand...

:))) Yeah I remember that, I think Triple H retweeted it as well.
 
cricketmerijaan said:
I have recently attended 10 weddings in the past two months, and every wedding was almost identical to other.

Food:

Starters:
Papri Chaat, Salad, Chicken Drumsticks, Roast Potatoes, Seekh Kebabs and Masala Fish.
Mains: Mutton Pilau, Lamb Curry, Chicken Curry/Palak and Mixed Veg Curry with Naan or Roti.
Dessert:Gajar Halwa, Gulab Jamun & Ice Cream

Wedding Cars:
Rolls Royce Phantom/Ghost or Bentley Flying Spur (White)

Clothes
Hideous Sherwanis, men dressed in gold or maroon salwar kameez or waistcoats, brides maid dressed in unflattering clothes, caked in makeup like drag queens.

The whole weddings are orchestrated like they are from a script. From the brides entrance, to DJ blasting music during a sit down dinner, camera teams dictating what to do, people only doing things in this way, because "It's just what we do."

Where is the originality? Have our people lost their ability to think for themselves and do what they want to do?

Why do out people still cry on Ruksati's, when their daughter can visit them every week. This is not 1960's Pakistan where people didn't have cars and couldn't afford to see their parents for months.
Click to expand...

again it is not about the location of the house and how often she can visit you but the fact that rukhsati is the start of a new life for her with new challenges and she is not longer your girl but a woman now

it is a very emotional moment and there is nothing fake about it

you will realize the day your daughter gets married even if she is living in the same neighborhood
 
Slog said:
Lol at the crying at rukhsati part

It's so obvious that it's fake

I've notice that there is always a tola of 7-8 aunties who take the mantle of expressing emotions at family events. They cry the loudest at deaths, make the most drama at rukhsati etc
Click to expand...

Similar in India.

Aunties are all noise, no sound. Speak the bare minimum with them and move on - you don't want them to wrap their inevitable tentacles around you over time and be a locust pressing you for answers every time you make eye contact.
 
cricketmerijaan said:
I have recently attended 10 weddings in the past two months, and every wedding was almost identical to other.

Food:

Starters:
Papri Chaat, Salad, Chicken Drumsticks, Roast Potatoes, Seekh Kebabs and Masala Fish.
Mains: Mutton Pilau, Lamb Curry, Chicken Curry/Palak and Mixed Veg Curry with Naan or Roti.
Dessert:Gajar Halwa, Gulab Jamun & Ice Cream

Wedding Cars:
Rolls Royce Phantom/Ghost or Bentley Flying Spur (White)

Clothes
Hideous Sherwanis, men dressed in gold or maroon salwar kameez or waistcoats, brides maid dressed in unflattering clothes, caked in makeup like drag queens.

The whole weddings are orchestrated like they are from a script. From the brides entrance, to DJ blasting music during a sit down dinner, camera teams dictating what to do, people only doing things in this way, because "It's just what we do."

Where is the originality? Have our people lost their ability to think for themselves and do what they want to do?

Why do out people still cry on Ruksati's, when their daughter can visit them every week. This is not 1960's Pakistan where people didn't have cars and couldn't afford to see their parents for months.
Click to expand...

Do you think they act ? It is rather that they feel the pain of separation and can't control their tears. No doubt, communication is better but the nature of relationships changes. Now all of a sudden her husband has more say in her life than his parents and siblings. Similarly, duration between meet-ups will also increase as the time elapses.
We won't like people crying or weeping but their emotions and ethics have been built over years with the traditional customs and values.
I would say that it is only change of masters after wedding in a true conservative society like us. First, it were her parents and now husband ( in many cases also his family) who are her masters.
Still, the times have changed , no longer i see brides weeping on their weddings.
 
Slog said:
Lol at the crying at rukhsati part

It's so obvious that it's fake

I've notice that there is always a tola of 7-8 aunties who take the mantle of expressing emotions at family events. They cry the loudest at deaths, make the most drama at rukhsati etc
Click to expand...

I also thought i will not cry on my rukhsati...but on that moment just before entering the car, there was a lump on my throat....I am the only daughter of my parents and when mom and dad hugged me before entering the car the floodgates got open. My brothers were joking to lighten up the situation but i couldn't control. I didn't look at their face because I was sure that my mom will get more sad and i won't be able to control myself. Throughout my 1 and half hour journey to my in-laws house, i was weeping like a kid with the flashback of memories of my single life with mom, dad and brothers......

I realised that day it's not fake always...
 
cricketmerijaan said:
I have recently attended 10 weddings in the past two months, and every wedding was almost identical to other.

Food:

Starters:
Papri Chaat, Salad, Chicken Drumsticks, Roast Potatoes, Seekh Kebabs and Masala Fish.
Mains: Mutton Pilau, Lamb Curry, Chicken Curry/Palak and Mixed Veg Curry with Naan or Roti.
Dessert:Gajar Halwa, Gulab Jamun & Ice Cream

Wedding Cars:
Rolls Royce Phantom/Ghost or Bentley Flying Spur (White)

Clothes
Hideous Sherwanis, men dressed in gold or maroon salwar kameez or waistcoats, brides maid dressed in unflattering clothes, caked in makeup like drag queens.

The whole weddings are orchestrated like they are from a script. From the brides entrance, to DJ blasting music during a sit down dinner, camera teams dictating what to do, people only doing things in this way, because "It's just what we do."

Where is the originality? Have our people lost their ability to think for themselves and do what they want to do?

Why do out people still cry on Ruksati's, when their daughter can visit them every week. This is not 1960's Pakistan where people didn't have cars and couldn't afford to see their parents for months.
Click to expand...

Honestly, don't worry about how other people do their weddings. You are just a guest there. Enjoy the occasion. :)

If you want weddings do be different, then when you have yours do it how you want to.
 
I am just glad my wedding got over. Had to manage everything from logistics to money to decoration, and thanks to Modi, everyone wanted cash payment in new currency.Had arranged a group of beauticians for some basic makeup for my female guests, and found that the ladies, when finding it was all paid for, got some extra services done and delayed every function while we waited for their never ending facials and hairdo. On top of that I had to pay 3 times the agreed price to those fat punjaban beauticians. They even tricked me into getting those facials and massage and made me look like lord varys on my wedding day.
 
A lot depends on the size of the wedding. If you can keep it down to 100 or so guests then it's a lot easier to make it more unique and a better experience for everyone. If you are catering for more than 300 then it's going to be less easy and there's less flexibility. But in our community the idea of inviting less people and restricting seat numbers usually puts people's noses out of joint.
 
Wedding arrangements are usually taken care by catering services. They all follow certain steps and hence most of the weddings look like that. Even in India, its the same except for the tons of make up by bride part.

I have seen pictures of Pak weddings before and why do the brides put so much make up to the extent that they start looking white? The truth will come out in the morning anyway when they take shower in the morning. So why hide their original skin tone?
I also remember wedding pictures of Shakib ul Hasan. Even his bride also had tons of makeup and almost looking like an Arab.
 
Cpt. Rishwat said:
A lot depends on the size of the wedding. If you can keep it down to 100 or so guests then it's a lot easier to make it more unique and a better experience for everyone. If you are catering for more than 300 then it's going to be less easy and there's less flexibility. But in our community the idea of inviting less people and restricting seat numbers usually puts people's noses out of joint.
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Lol, these guys have never been to a noughties(00s) wedding. 1000 people crammed in a humid hall waiting their turn to eat and give 'naindra'
 
ShadabFakhar said:
Lol, these guys have never been to a noughties(00s) wedding. 1000 people crammed in a humid hall waiting their turn to eat and give 'naindra'
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Still happens in my neighbourhood in Kerala. Mine was comparitively less, only 700.:D
 
cricketmerijaan said:
I remember those weddings and they were fun.
Click to expand...

I suppose they were in their own way. I was a kid, so I enjoyed running around through the crowds with friends. I'd hate it now though. You only got Roast Chicken, Rice(with proper raitha if you were lucky) and Lamb Handi with Tandoori Rotis.
 
troodon said:
I have seen pictures of Pak weddings before and why do the brides put so much make up to the extent that they start looking white? The truth will come out in the morning anyway when they take shower in the morning. So why hide their original skin tone?
I also remember wedding pictures of Shakib ul Hasan. Even his bride also had tons of makeup and almost looking like an Arab.
Click to expand...
Indian brides don't do the same?
 
Yossarian said:
Indian brides don't do the same?
Click to expand...

Went to tons of South Indian weddings including my own relatives. Brides do not even straighten their hair. So forget make up. They all look natural. All they do is take shower and put on some talcum powder. No lipstick and no make up.

To date, I only went to 3 north Indian weddings and though the women there put on make up, they do not over do it like the Pak brides.
 
troodon said:
Wedding arrangements are usually taken care by catering services. They all follow certain steps and hence most of the weddings look like that. Even in India, its the same except for the tons of make up by bride part.

I have seen pictures of Pak weddings before and why do the brides put so much make up to the extent that they start looking white? The truth will come out in the morning anyway when they take shower in the morning. So why hide their original skin tone?
I also remember wedding pictures of Shakib ul Hasan. Even his bride also had tons of makeup and almost looking like an Arab.
Click to expand...

Every bridal makeup is like whitewashing a wall. It's just about how many layer of putty you want and how much you want to extrapolate the features....

Pakistani girls are already beautiful. Don't know why they put so much make up. But absolutely love the wedding picture of waqar younis. Faryal waqar is beautiful.:heart:
 
troodon said:
Went to tons of South Indian weddings including my own relatives. Brides do not even straighten their hair. So forget make up. They all look natural. All they do is take shower and put on some talcum powder. No lipstick and no make up.

To date, I only went to 3 north Indian weddings and though the women there put on make up, they do not over do it like the Pak brides.
Click to expand...

Oh come on! in which decade you went for a south Indian wedding??? It's no more like that. Atleast in the wedding you will do everything from top to bottom....:D
 
kaayal said:
Oh come on! in which decade you went for a south Indian wedding??? It's no more like that. Atleast in the wedding you will do everything from top to bottom....:D
Click to expand...

Recently my cousin's wedding. Bride did not wear any make up.

Also went to a some weddings in the last few years. None of the brides were wearing any make up. All of them are Telugu weddings.
 
troodon said:
Recently my cousin's wedding. Bride did not wear any make up.

Also went to a some weddings in the last few years. None of the brides were wearing any make up. All of them are Telugu weddings.
Click to expand...

Among telugus, i know only about the Reddy's. They have pretty grand wedding and reception.
 
British Pakistanis have no culture. They are kind of confused and caught in the middle in terms of following British customs where they are raised or the Pakistani customs of their fathers and forefathers. It's not their fault. They're just a product of their environment.

I would think American Pakistanis are the same, but most who are born and raised there deviate completely from Pakistani customs and 100% embrace the American lifestyle save for religious holidays like Eid.

So am not surprised their weddings turn out bland with no life and culture.
 
Sadly the op experience is also my experience. Most people at the weddings dont care who is getting married, they just turn up for the food.
 
Syed1 said:
Canadian Pakistani weddings are pretty similar to Pakistani weddings in Pakistan, atleast the ones that I have attended.


Only difference is, the seating is pre-determined. Like in Pakistan you can sit wherever you want but here they put you on a table with people you may or may not know. Obviously you can move and walk around but food you will eat on your designated table.
Click to expand...

The seating part is a major turn off though. I mean, at most weddings I find myself spending my time with different people throughout the evening.
 
troodon said:
Went to tons of South Indian weddings including my own relatives. Brides do not even straighten their hair. So forget make up. They all look natural. All they do is take shower and put on some talcum powder. No lipstick and no make up.

To date, I only went to 3 north Indian weddings and though the women there put on make up, they do not over do it like the Pak brides.
Click to expand...
Of course, of course. Next you'll be telling everyone that Indian women don't buy products like Fair & Lovely by the truck loads, and aren't obsessed with trying to lighten their skin tones.
Heck, apparently even Indian men have been at it, secretly using women's products.

Turns out, the men's fairness market has been alive all along, promising greater employment and marriage prospects and endorsed by Bollywood actors.

For generations, companies have been selling fair skin to young Indian women, promising better marriage and employment prospects. However, over the last few years, men have became a favoured target audience. This followed the realisation that the Indian alpha male, denied a choice in male-specific grooming products, had been using women’s fairness creams all along.

Until the mid-2000s, deodorants and shaving creams were the only grooming products advertised for men. But India’s largest consumer goods companies sensed an opportunity, and launched a slew of fairness products for male consumers.

“The men’s fairness segment came about because almost one-third of users of women’s fairness creams were men,” says Dheeraj Sinha, chief strategy officer at advertising agency Leo Burnett. “They simply transferred the already existing market.”

That led to a boom in the men’s skin-care industry in India. Over the last five years, the men’s grooming market has grown by over 40% and is worth around Rs5,000 crore. Though it’s still driven largely by the sale of deodorants and shaving products, fairness creams account for around Rs400 crore in sales. In 2015, these products dominated the men’s skin care market in India, according to data from research firm Euromonitor International.

http://www.sbs.com.au/topics/life/c...mpanies-are-obsessed-turning-indian-men-white
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"...better marriage and employment prospects" if you have lighter skin. Not just for Indian women, but apparently also for Indian men.
 
Slog said:
Yes. For the most part it is though.

Esp when the parents live in Gulshan Block 2 and their daughter's new house will be in Gulshan Block 3
Click to expand...

It's not about distance. It's more of a landmark in their life.
 
They are repetitive and all very similar. The worst part is when the bride begins to weep uncontrollably upon her departure ruining all her make up. I also hate it when white people are made to sit together mostly right in the middle table where they are treated like royalty.
 
PakLFC said:
They are repetitive and all very similar. The worst part is when the bride begins to weep uncontrollably upon her departure ruining all her make up. I also hate it when white people are made to sit together mostly right in the middle table where they are treated like royalty.
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You mean the token white couple or two from the office? In order to show that the bride / groom have white friends too and not only just desis. :))
 
cricketmerijaan said:
I have recently attended 10 weddings in the past two months, and every wedding was almost identical to other.

Food:

Starters:
Papri Chaat, Salad, Chicken Drumsticks, Roast Potatoes, Seekh Kebabs and Masala Fish.
Mains: Mutton Pilau, Lamb Curry, Chicken Curry/Palak and Mixed Veg Curry with Naan or Roti.
Dessert:Gajar Halwa, Gulab Jamun & Ice Cream

Wedding Cars:
Rolls Royce Phantom/Ghost or Bentley Flying Spur (White)

Clothes
Hideous Sherwanis, men dressed in gold or maroon salwar kameez or waistcoats, brides maid dressed in unflattering clothes, caked in makeup like drag queens.

The whole weddings are orchestrated like they are from a script. From the brides entrance, to DJ blasting music during a sit down dinner, camera teams dictating what to do, people only doing things in this way, because "It's just what we do."

Where is the originality? Have our people lost their ability to think for themselves and do what they want to do?
Click to expand...


I went to a Bengali wedding in Brooklyn last week, and it was almost the same, and yes, including the menu, except there were no roast potatoes and it was chicken pulao instead of mutton ......

so its not about British Pakistanis, but about desis ...

as fro the crying, bit, i would say you would look at things differently once you are a parent and have a daughter ;)
 
kaayal said:
I also thought i will not cry on my rukhsati...but on that moment just before entering the car, there was a lump on my throat....I am the only daughter of my parents and when mom and dad hugged me before entering the car the floodgates got open. My brothers were joking to lighten up the situation but i couldn't control. I didn't look at their face because I was sure that my mom will get more sad and i won't be able to control myself. Throughout my 1 and half hour journey to my in-laws house, i was weeping like a kid with the flashback of memories of my single life with mom, dad and brothers......

I realised that day it's not fake always...
Click to expand...

I didn't cry when my sister got married, and I too was joking to lighten up the situation. But it was just suppressing an instinct, so next morning I ended up crying a lot. When your sister/daughter leaves your home, even if it is to the next tower, one sometimes start thinking of all the good times and the times when you were mean/angry with her
 
Yossarian said:
You mean the token white couple or two from the office? In order to show that the bride / groom have white friends too and not only just desis. :))
Click to expand...

lol This!

and the ensuing conversation by aunties about the said white couple
 
LongHorn said:
I didn't cry when my sister got married, and I too was joking to lighten up the situation. But it was just suppressing an instinct, so next morning I ended up crying a lot. When your sister/daughter leaves your home, even if it is to the next tower, one sometimes start thinking of all the good times and the times when you were mean/angry with her[/QUOTE]

Reminds me of this video by filtercopy. I can relate to almost everything.:))
Click to expand...
 
Yossarian said:
You mean the token white couple or two from the office? In order to show that the bride / groom have white friends too and not only just desis. :))
Click to expand...

:)) At the walima, you also have the one hip table with the bride or grooms cool friends strategically placed nearer the back of the hall, normally includes a black friend or 2 to offset the white couple.
 
cricketmerijaan said:
I have recently attended 10 weddings in the past two months, and every wedding was almost identical to other.

Food:

Starters:
Papri Chaat, Salad, Chicken Drumsticks, Roast Potatoes, Seekh Kebabs and Masala Fish.
Mains: Mutton Pilau, Lamb Curry, Chicken Curry/Palak and Mixed Veg Curry with Naan or Roti.
Dessert:Gajar Halwa, Gulab Jamun & Ice Cream

Wedding Cars:
Rolls Royce Phantom/Ghost or Bentley Flying Spur (White)

Clothes
Hideous Sherwanis, men dressed in gold or maroon salwar kameez or waistcoats, brides maid dressed in unflattering clothes, caked in makeup like drag queens.

The whole weddings are orchestrated like they are from a script. From the brides entrance, to DJ blasting music during a sit down dinner, camera teams dictating what to do, people only doing things in this way, because "It's just what we do."

Where is the originality? Have our people lost their ability to think for themselves and do what they want to do?

Why do out people still cry on Ruksati's, when their daughter can visit them every week. This is not 1960's Pakistan where people didn't have cars and couldn't afford to see their parents for months.
Click to expand...

Quite a lot has changed, you obviously haven't been to any modern weddings.

I've had food ranging from freshly cooked noodles to strips of steak, to chicken strips, with a whole range of desserts available.

Also, with all due respect why don't you see how you feel when your daughter leaves home before berating people for crying on the Ruksati. Your lack of empathy makes you sound extremely narrow minded.

I'm sure if you attend 10-15 weddings of white people or 10-15 of African people you'll also see that all their weddings are similar too. It's called tradition and culture, it it's such a chore for you, just don't go. I'm sure with your attitude and views you won't be missed.
 
London_Lahori said:
Quite a lot has changed, you obviously haven't been to any modern weddings.

I've had food ranging from freshly cooked noodles to strips of steak, to chicken strips, with a whole range of desserts available.

Also, with all due respect why don't you see how you feel when your daughter leaves home before berating people for crying on the Ruksati. Your lack of empathy makes you sound extremely narrow minded.

I'm sure if you attend 10-15 weddings of white people or 10-15 of African people you'll also see that all their weddings are similar too. It's called tradition and culture, it it's such a chore for you, just don't go. I'm sure with your attitude and views you won't be missed.
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On the flip side if you attend a typical Asian wedding in Bradford, Manchester, Luton these day you will see a line of rented Lamborghini's, Bentley, Ferrari's and Porches being driven around badly by young lads in sherwanis and lines in their hair showing of their limited cash flow, hardly tradition but turning into normality for certain communities,plus i just cannot get over the fact that even a low cost wedding these days is at least £45 per head. I have daughters and pretty much have already decided to only invite immediate family and friends when the time arrives.
 
Salman said:
On the flip side if you attend a typical Asian wedding in Bradford, Manchester, Luton these day you will see a line of rented Lamborghini's, Bentley, Ferrari's and Porches being driven around badly by young lads in sherwanis and lines in their hair showing of their limited cash flow, hardly tradition but turning into normality for certain communities,plus i just cannot get over the fact that even a low cost wedding these days is at least £45 per head. I have daughters and pretty much have already decided to only invite immediate family and friends when the time arrives.
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Weddings are big business these days I've heard "mua's" charge about a K a pop.

Also if you attend a wedding these days in low income borroughs of London tou will see the bride and groom arriving in helicoptors and then the end of the niggt they all drive home back to there Council house/flat.
 
London_Lahori said:
Quite a lot has changed, you obviously haven't been to any modern weddings.

I've had food ranging from freshly cooked noodles to strips of steak, to chicken strips, with a whole range of desserts available.

Also, with all due respect why don't you see how you feel when your daughter leaves home before berating people for crying on the Ruksati. Your lack of empathy makes you sound extremely narrow minded.

I'm sure if you attend 10-15 weddings of white people or 10-15 of African people you'll also see that all their weddings are similar too. It's called tradition and culture, it it's such a chore for you, just don't go. I'm sure with your attitude and views you won't be missed.
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Good post my friend, so many insensitive and narrow minded folk about
 
mani1 said:
Weddings are big business these days I've heard "mua's" charge about a K a pop.

Also if you attend a wedding these days in low income borroughs of London tou will see the bride and groom arriving in helicoptors and then the end of the niggt they all drive home back to there Council house/flat.
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Bro the molvis make the big bucks:)) The only thing I find annoying at times is the wait for the damn food! otherwise am not really picky about anything else :yk

What is the craziest wedding you've ever been to? On one instance, I went to a shaddi where the girls brother wasn't cool with her marrying the guy she was with so got some boys together and they rushed the groom on his wedding day :irfan
 
shaz619 said:
Bro the molvis make the big bucks:)) The only thing I find annoying at times is the wait for the damn food! otherwise am not really picky about anything else :yk

What is the craziest wedding you've ever been to? On one instance, I went to a shaddi where the girls brother wasn't cool with her marrying the guy she was with so got some boys together and they rushed the groom on his wedding day :irfan
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Ive been to 1 with the scenario mentioned in London Urban lot lol.

There was another one where the brides family women were fighting each other lol.

I can't stand weddings I only ever these days go to family or freinds.
 
[MENTION=131867]London_Lahori[/MENTION] making his entrance on the big day:

[MENTION=136193]Adil_94[/MENTION] [MENTION=47617]Red Devil[/MENTION]

giphy.gif
 
quick google of Luton weddings and these came up..

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/KiLLj8fv1tk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

:facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/WFaP4RgOMVY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
 
I think Weddings generally on the whole are going to be pathetic if they do not harness the main purpose, no matter how much glamour you try and instil. IMO, the simple purpose of a wedding is to pray as a community for the long term harmony of a new companionship, and for parents to walk their children into a life where after they will no longer be holding their fingers the way they did so till then.

Im not going to comment on how these weddings which seem so superficial from an Islamic perspective and how they basically miss the core ethics of Islam. I feel everyone is entitled to spend their money the way they like and to celebrate the way they feel. But once again, I would reiterate that the main purpose of the wedding will be missed if the actual spirit of matrimony is not there. If that sense and spirit of love and humility is there, you can spend £1000 on your big day only, but that meagre amount would deliver far more in its value than a wedding that costs £100,000.
 
Rana said:
I think Weddings generally on the whole are going to be pathetic if they do not harness the main purpose, no matter how much glamour you try and instil. IMO, the simple purpose of a wedding is to pray as a community for the long term harmony of a new companionship, and for parents to walk their children into a life where after they will no longer be holding their fingers the way they did so till then.

Im not going to comment on how these weddings which seem so superficial from an Islamic perspective and how they basically miss the core ethics of Islam. I feel everyone is entitled to spend their money the way they like and to celebrate the way they feel. But once again, I would reiterate that the main purpose of the wedding will be missed if the actual spirit of matrimony is not there. If that sense and spirit of love and humility is there, you can spend £1000 on your big day only, but that meagre amount would deliver far more in its value than a wedding that costs £100,000.
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Good luck with getting any girl who's about to get married to seeing it like that.
 
Cpt. Rishwat said:
Good luck with getting any girl who's about to get married to seeing it like that.
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The girl (and the boy) would in fact wholeheartedly agree. It's the so called elders of the family who lack the brains in this equation.
 
Cpt. Rishwat said:
Good luck with getting any girl who's about to get married to seeing it like that.
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So its basically now a given with British Asian girls that they are going to ruin your money on trash? Take a firm stand man! If you want to go big, go correct. I saw that video someone posted of all those Lambos and Raris. None of those cars belonged to any of those guys in the video, they only thing that is left is the huge debt these families put themselves in. And God forbid, if the couple doesnt get along considering married life isnt anywhere near as rosy as the wedding period, then that wedding video for which these kids wasted their parent's money is equivalent to a Pakistani stage show dvd
 
Varun said:
The girl (and the boy) would in fact wholeheartedly agree. It's the so called elders of the family who lack the brains in this equation.
Click to expand...

We are talking about British Pakistani weddings here. I have no idea what girls are happy with in India, but British Pakistanis want the biggest, loudest, most flash wedding in the country which they can then share on social media and take pride in that it was better than the last big bash which was celebrated by some other girl like a world cup win.
 
Rana said:
So its basically now a given with British Asian girls that they are going to ruin your money on trash? Take a firm stand man! If you want to go big, go correct. I saw that video someone posted of all those Lambos and Raris. None of those cars belonged to any of those guys in the video, they only thing that is left is the huge debt these families put themselves in. And God forbid, if the couple doesnt get along considering married life isnt anywhere near as rosy as the wedding period, then that wedding video for which these kids wasted their parent's money is equivalent to a Pakistani stage show dvd
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Are you married yet Rana ? what was your wedding like , how did it all turn out
 
what else do you want??

weddings generally follow the same script with minor variations, no matter what the culture or the country they are happening in
 
Slog said:
Lol at the crying at rukhsati part

It's so obvious that it's fake

I've notice that there is always a tola of 7-8 aunties who take the mantle of expressing emotions at family events. They cry the loudest at deaths, make the most drama at rukhsati etc
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My sister cried her hearts out at her bidaai.I am willing to bet everything I own that she absolutely faked it.
 
kaayal said:
LongHorn said:
I didn't cry when my sister got married, and I too was joking to lighten up the situation. But it was just suppressing an instinct, so next morning I ended up crying a lot. When your sister/daughter leaves your home, even if it is to the next tower, one sometimes start thinking of all the good times and the times when you were mean/angry with her[/QUOTE]

Reminds me of this video by filtercopy. I can relate to almost everything.:))
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Happy Rakshabandhan sister
Click to expand...
 
shaz619 said:
Are you married yet Rana ? what was your wedding like , how did it all turn out
Click to expand...

Yes Bro, Alhamdolillah.

I cant say much about the Shadi ceremony because it was in Lahore, so you cannot put it into the bracket of 'British Asian weddings'.

My Valima however took place in London....

The venue was basically a large marquee, fit enough for 800 guests that was erected in the large, open Car park complex of a mosque. Due to the nature of the location and some strict rules of the Ahmadiyya community in regards to weddings, it was understood that no music shall be played and the marquee was to be divided, half for men only and the other half for women. These are two aspects that could well have been a huge turn off for those who have never attended such weddings, as you would expect to see the beautiful dresses of all male and females present in the midst of a beautiful atmosphere created through music. As for the Marquee itself, this was not especially erected for my wedding. The Mosque was going through some renovation and construction therefore they hired a long term Marquee for events and wedding hall duties. Lovely red carpet and chandeliers, looked very posh no doubt, but the only cost we had to cover was the fees for the workers who were to clean up afterwards.

The car that me and my wife rolled into belonged to one of my Dad's friends who had a Black S class (2012 reg in 2016) and he used it for Chauffeuring. The cars that were following us into the hall were genuinely our own cars. Some of them flashy, others decent. Everyone dressed in their best black suits, our cars were black too, we hired and paid for nothing extra flashy. Although I must admit that I did do my best to hire a G63 just for the day, but the owner said nothing less than a 3 day hire costing £1200 and add ons, not worth it we thought.

The catering was done by the Mosque caterers, who are now very well trained after 15 years of catering for weddings, events at a grande scale at the mosque. Their food without a doubt is delicious. The head of the catering department was a very close family friend, he arranged a very decent package for my father in which I selected their best menu, the dishes were:

Starters; Papri chaat, roast chicken and I think grilled fish (if I remember correctly)

Main: Lamb Korma, Paalak Chicken, Maash ki Daal, Mutton Plough, Naan, Salad

Desert: Gaajar ka Halwa (the best in the business I assure you)

The chief guest for the wedding was none other than the head of the world wide Ahmadiyya community. Believe you me, when he arrives with his entourage, the world stops and watches. With all his Bodyguards, the cars in the entourage (S class and Q7s, around 6-7 cars) and the aura of the man himself is a sight to behold for everyone present. All of my non Ahmadi guests could not believe their eyes when they saw a man with so much prestige, following and security present. The gates to the marquee were all cordoned with scan through security checks, at least 10 security personal each gate to make sure everything is safe.

My wife's dress was paid for by our family, It was fairly expensive but we laid emphasis on quality. The dress was especially hand crafted in Pakistan (lahore), however, the same dress in England (Southall or somewhere) would have probably cost us 3 times more than what we paid for. Quite practically an arm and leg considering british prices. I had a contribution from one of my relatives for my suit, but I paid 60% of the price through my own pocket, I bought a Hugo Boss 3 piece black suit, tie and shirt. My shoes and belt (from LV) cost more than the entire suit tbf. Looking back at it now, I went way overboard with my own suit. That black suit is just hanging their in my cupboard, I am waiting for an English funeral so that I can wear it again. The shoes and belt are still handy though.

All in all, the wedding was a huge success considering the boundaries we had to stay in. When it came to delivering a show for our guests, it came with the class and simplicity that was involved. All of my european friends were left in awe of the wedding, it was unique, it was beautiful to them. The best thing about it is, my parents are not in debt paying off my wedding. The entire cost was reduced significantly due to the opportunities that were presented and the help of our friends, what looked like a very expensive wedding was actually excellent value for money.

I have been married for over a year now, I cant say oh my I am the happiest man in the world blah blah blah. Marriage has its ups and downs, but we have such a beautiful daughter who is now 5 months and I cant ask for any more tbh.
 
Rana said:
Yes Bro, Alhamdolillah.

I cant say much about the Shadi ceremony because it was in Lahore, so you cannot put it into the bracket of 'British Asian weddings'.

My Valima however took place in London....

The venue was basically a large marquee, fit enough for 800 guests that was erected in the large, open Car park complex of a mosque. Due to the nature of the location and some strict rules of the Ahmadiyya community in regards to weddings, it was understood that no music shall be played and the marquee was to be divided, half for men only and the other half for women. These are two aspects that could well have been a huge turn off for those who have never attended such weddings, as you would expect to see the beautiful dresses of all male and females present in the midst of a beautiful atmosphere created through music. As for the Marquee itself, this was not especially erected for my wedding. The Mosque was going through some renovation and construction therefore they hired a long term Marquee for events and wedding hall duties. Lovely red carpet and chandeliers, looked very posh no doubt, but the only cost we had to cover was the fees for the workers who were to clean up afterwards.

The car that me and my wife rolled into belonged to one of my Dad's friends who had a Black S class (2012 reg in 2016) and he used it for Chauffeuring. The cars that were following us into the hall were genuinely our own cars. Some of them flashy, others decent. Everyone dressed in their best black suits, our cars were black too, we hired and paid for nothing extra flashy. Although I must admit that I did do my best to hire a G63 just for the day, but the owner said nothing less than a 3 day hire costing £1200 and add ons, not worth it we thought.

The catering was done by the Mosque caterers, who are now very well trained after 15 years of catering for weddings, events at a grande scale at the mosque. Their food without a doubt is delicious. The head of the catering department was a very close family friend, he arranged a very decent package for my father in which I selected their best menu, the dishes were:

Starters; Papri chaat, roast chicken and I think grilled fish (if I remember correctly)

Main: Lamb Korma, Paalak Chicken, Maash ki Daal, Mutton Plough, Naan, Salad

Desert: Gaajar ka Halwa (the best in the business I assure you)

The chief guest for the wedding was none other than the head of the world wide Ahmadiyya community. Believe you me, when he arrives with his entourage, the world stops and watches. With all his Bodyguards, the cars in the entourage (S class and Q7s, around 6-7 cars) and the aura of the man himself is a sight to behold for everyone present. All of my non Ahmadi guests could not believe their eyes when they saw a man with so much prestige, following and security present. The gates to the marquee were all cordoned with scan through security checks, at least 10 security personal each gate to make sure everything is safe.

My wife's dress was paid for by our family, It was fairly expensive but we laid emphasis on quality. The dress was especially hand crafted in Pakistan (lahore), however, the same dress in England (Southall or somewhere) would have probably cost us 3 times more than what we paid for. Quite practically an arm and leg considering british prices. I had a contribution from one of my relatives for my suit, but I paid 60% of the price through my own pocket, I bought a Hugo Boss 3 piece black suit, tie and shirt. My shoes and belt (from LV) cost more than the entire suit tbf. Looking back at it now, I went way overboard with my own suit. That black suit is just hanging their in my cupboard, I am waiting for an English funeral so that I can wear it again. The shoes and belt are still handy though.

All in all, the wedding was a huge success considering the boundaries we had to stay in. When it came to delivering a show for our guests, it came with the class and simplicity that was involved. All of my european friends were left in awe of the wedding, it was unique, it was beautiful to them. The best thing about it is, my parents are not in debt paying off my wedding. The entire cost was reduced significantly due to the opportunities that were presented and the help of our friends, what looked like a very expensive wedding was actually excellent value for money.

I have been married for over a year now, I cant say oh my I am the happiest man in the world blah blah blah. Marriage has its ups and downs, but we have such a beautiful daughter who is now 5 months and I cant ask for any more tbh.
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Aren't Valimas usually lower key in any case than the do from the bride's side? It doesn't sound that different to most other Valimas to be honest other than it was carried out with strict segregation and had a more religious tone. Some people go that route, the majority don't, and I think that is a reflection of modern life in Britain.

But since your main wedding from the bride side didn't take place in Britain it's not really fair to take your example as representative of British Pakistani weddings.
 
Cpt. Rishwat said:
Aren't Valimas usually lower key in any case than the do from the bride's side? It doesn't sound that different to most other Valimas to be honest other than it was carried out with strict segregation and had a more religious tone. Some people go that route, the majority don't, and I think that is a reflection of modern life in Britain.

But since your main wedding from the bride side didn't take place in Britain it's not really fair to take your example as representative of British Pakistani weddings.
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In our community, the rules that are implemented for Weddings and valimas must follow this pattern. Whether they take place at a mosque hall or a private function hall, the pattern is the same for Shadi and Valima. The segregation is a must. The Public show in which Music and dance is absolutely unpermissable when non family members are present. Even with family events, there are very strict rules about music, pardah and dancing. All this may sound very dull and boring, but you only realise in the long run that such rules are probably best if we are to respect the Sunnah of the Prophet and his companions.

Yes I have seen the odd few who like to go overboard with their hall bookings, cars etc. But believe me, the pattern is still the same.
 
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shaz619 said:
@<a href="http://www.pakpassion.net/ppforum/member.php?u=131867" target="_blank">London_Lahori</a> making his entrance on the big day:

@<a href="http://www.pakpassion.net/ppforum/member.php?u=136193" target="_blank">Adil_94</a> @<a href="http://www.pakpassion.net/ppforum/member.php?u=47617" target="_blank">Red Devil</a>

giphy.gif
Click to expand...

I imagined it something like this. #slippin :yk

 
Varun said:
The girl (and the boy) would in fact wholeheartedly agree. It's the so called elders of the family who lack the brains in this equation.
Click to expand...

Dunno about yours but mine is absolutely crazy when it comes to big fat weddings and it gives me chills whenever she starts talking about them and I shudder at the very thought of me going through the excruciatingly painful week from haldi to departure of last auntie :/
 
TM Riddle said:
Dunno about yours but mine is absolutely crazy when it comes to big fat weddings and it gives me chills whenever she starts talking about them and I shudder at the very thought of me going through the excruciatingly painful week from haldi to departure of last auntie :/
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Put your foot down, scrap everything they have to say, get out a blank slate and only include the items that make sense.

If you get the inevitable whining, step harder on the throat and force your point across. The aunties cannot, and should not win.
 
ShadabFakhar said:
I suppose they were in their own way. I was a kid, so I enjoyed running around through the crowds with friends. I'd hate it now though. You only got Roast Chicken, Rice(with proper raitha if you were lucky) and Lamb Handi with Tandoori Rotis.
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It was all about the ice cream van
 
All weddings are boring unless you're friends or family with those getting married.
 
shaadis are boring in general that's why I don't attend any except for maybe a mehndi cause that's the only fun event.
 
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