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PakLFC

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I do my best to make my wife happy spoiling her and that yet feel she is never pleased. Having spoken to her about it I am told all is well, it is just how women are. My friends at work agree that it is just how women are...that most are naturally like this, difficult to please. Has anyone else got this problem coz it is really beginning to bug me.
 
Stop trying to make her happy. Some guys over do it. Live a normal life, stop always trying to please a person that doesn't appreciate it. Give time to yourself, value yourself, spend money on yourself. Yes it will be unpleasant for her, might drive her mad, more fights/arguements. She might think you're cheating on her. But if it comes to that tell her that you've always tried too hard to keep her happy and it doesn't work and you don't feel appreciated. I've seen many guys get bogged down and I've noticed a lot of my friend's wife's are like that but there's one thing in common with these guys, they try too hard, always do what is expected of them and think it's normal. Whereas I'm very lucky, I don't get any trouble from my wife, I live a normal life without having to worry about her asking where I am, what am I doing, when will I get home. Alhamdulilah I'm blessed in this regard because I've kept things simple from the start.
 
Here we go again… lol



You are opening yourself up to a world of hurt by bringing this here.
 
How to make her happy?

Study her. Any girl gives out hints through her actions/in the middle of conversations which you have been failed to pick up.

Spoiling doesn't make someone happy.
 
Try your best. If she is still not happy, too bad.

You shouldn't lose your self-respect.
 
May Allah help both of you, Ameen.
 
Stewie said:
Here we go again… lol



You are opening yourself up to a world of hurt by bringing this here.
Click to expand...

No. I am very thick skinned to be hurt that easily by people I will never meet. Such problems are common in marriages.
 
put the phone down, spend more us/we time, random outings/little surprises when she least expects them. have the ability to make her smile even if you had her mad angry

and yes, it can be all forgotten too as if you have have done nothing, so hold no grudges or counts. just put your head down and keep moving forward ignoring her mess ups and whinnings at times.

you will do just fine, just dont make it look forced. and women are weird creatures, domt let them spook you.
 
PakLFC said:
I do my best to make my wife happy spoiling her and that yet feel she is never pleased. Having spoken to her about it I am told all is well, it is just how women are. My friends at work agree that it is just how women are...that most are naturally like this, difficult to please. Has anyone else got this problem coz it is really beginning to bug me.
Click to expand...

Depends what you mean by happy. There will always be another shelf to put up for her or chore to do or appliance to buy or event to attend. If your self-esteem relies on constant positive feedback, you will be miserable.

But if she is sticking by you she is basically happy. Learn to accept that alone as the positive feedback you need.
 
Okay then no more playing Mr Nice guy! Get the dinner out!:)) If she wants to talk then I am always there otherwise there is nothing too it!
 
I had a love marriage to the full. I am very happily married without any serious issues. The purpose of this thread more then my own relationship is that do other married men here sometimes have similar issues? That des a lady seek wealth, peace of mind, companionship or something else as a priority in marriage?
 
PakLFC said:
That des a lady seek wealth, peace of mind, companionship or something else as a priority in marriage?
Click to expand...

In my experience, it's all of the above.

All women want their partners to be financially successful. It is very important for one's peace of mind. In addition, they also want their partners to be kind and considerate, and respectful.
But too much of kindness only does harm. The more attention you give someone, the less they will value you.
Treat your wife nicely, but don't overdo it. Set some boundaries and don't allow anyone, even your wife, to cross them. People who live by a value system always tend to get more respect.
 
1. Value your partner as a human being who is your peer. She isn't by any means inferior or superior to you.
2. Communicate - communicate - communicate - Talk as much as you can on topics - of course this will probably not help you understand her fully but it doesn't matter. Women value such efforts from men.
3. A lot of marital issues stem these days from stay at home wives who think their chance to build a career has gone astray. Not all, but a significant number. It is important to understand the career aspirations and support them wholeheartedly. Most often, women themselves are confused - especially at the time of marriage and probably once a child is born - whether to go for a career or just stay at home. I have seen such women becoming really bitter on realization afterwards and often take it on the hapless husband. Best thing is to assume that the lady does want a career - and offer full support.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Buy a packet of ready made chapati's, heat them up and enjoy it together!
 
Learn about the 5 love languages.

Work out which one is best suits her.

Act according to that.

These languages are: Words of Affirmation,Quality Time,Physical Touch,Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts.


By spoiling it sounds like you are in the mode of gift giving. Try one of the others and see how you get on.
 
I've been in similar situations countless times since I got married 2 years ago. However, thanks to Almighty Allah's help & the teachings of my beloved Prophet (PBUH) I've hardly let anger get the better of me, despite being involved in extremely frustrating arguments with my wife.

Here's a hadith that I try to remember while interacting with women, particularly my wife:

"Treat women kindly. The woman has been created from a rib (the rib is crooked), and the most crooked part of the rib is in the upper region. If you try to make it straight, you will break it; and if you leave it as it is, it will remain curved. So treat women kindly." [Al-Bukhaari]

Allah SWT has made women like this. They're full of emotions & mood swings. Primarily because of the changes their body feels in different phases of menstrual cycle. One minute they'll be full of love. The next they'll be fighting with you for the most stupidest of reasons ever. And since we men have never been through those phases, we find it pretty hard to understand why they're always seeking attention.

Another very important aspect is the fact that the woman leaves her parents' home to come live the rest of her life with her husband. Just imagine how would you feel if it was the other way around. If you ask me, I would be complaining nonstop lol.

It's all about empathizing with your partner in difficult times. We, men, need to be more accomodating because we neither get pregnant, nor we have to deal with menstrual cycle issues & there's no Mother In Law keeping an eye on us all the time either :p

I being a Muslim know for sure there's nothing in this world that happens without Allah SWT's order. If my or anyone else's wife is being stubborn & difficult to handle, that is with Allah SWT's orders & that clearly is a test for us. It's upto us whether we remain patient, as He SWT wants us to be, or give into the frustration.

Remember, divorce is Halaal, but off all Halaal acts, it's the most disliked act in Allah SWT's eyes.

Patience is a virtue. Always be patient in such situations. Don't let anger have the better of you. And I know you might think easier said than done. Well, I say on oath that I encounter similar situation on daily basis, yet my marriage is still in tact, Alhamdulillah & I have full faith in Allah SWT that my marriage will remain in tact till I die, Insha Allah.

Patience is the key my friend.
 
Manik Rao said:
I've been in similar situations countless times since I got married 2 years ago. However, thanks to Almighty Allah's help & the teachings of my beloved Prophet (PBUH) I've hardly let anger get the better of me, despite being involved in extremely frustrating arguments with my wife.

Here's a hadith that I try to remember while interacting with women, particularly my wife:

"Treat women kindly. The woman has been created from a rib (the rib is crooked), and the most crooked part of the rib is in the upper region. If you try to make it straight, you will break it; and if you leave it as it is, it will remain curved. So treat women kindly." [Al-Bukhaari]

Allah SWT has made women like this. They're full of emotions & mood swings. Primarily because of the changes their body feels in different phases of menstrual cycle. One minute they'll be full of love. The next they'll be fighting with you for the most stupidest of reasons ever. And since we men have never been through those phases, we find it pretty hard to understand why they're always seeking attention.

Another very important aspect is the fact that the woman leaves her parents' home to come live the rest of her life with her husband. Just imagine how would you feel if it was the other way around. If you ask me, I would be complaining nonstop lol.

It's all about empathizing with your partner in difficult times. We, men, need to be more accomodating because we neither get pregnant, nor we have to deal with menstrual cycle issues & there's no Mother In Law keeping an eye on us all the time either :p

I being a Muslim know for sure there's nothing in this world that happens without Allah SWT's order. If my or anyone else's wife is being stubborn & difficult to handle, that is with Allah SWT's orders & that clearly is a test for us. It's upto us whether we remain patient, as He SWT wants us to be, or give into the frustration.

Remember, divorce is Halaal, but off all Halaal acts, it's the most disliked act in Allah SWT's eyes.

Patience is a virtue. Always be patient in such situations. Don't let anger have the better of you. And I know you might think easier said than done. Well, I say on oath that I encounter similar situation on daily basis, yet my marriage is still in tact, Alhamdulillah & I have full faith in Allah SWT that my marriage will remain in tact till I die, Insha Allah.

Patience is the key my friend.
Click to expand...

You talked all in riddles. The only thing you said was "be kind" which is stating the obvious.

But what kind of kindness? Where you draw that kindness?
 
Moreover, adding to above, if anyone who has to remind himself to be patient in an argument from time to time, he isn't a peace loving person. He is just suppressing his natural urge of abusing consciously.

When it isn't natural to you, moments will come when the conscious mind won't be able to suppress the sub conscious mind and it will wreck havoc on that day.

Its just a time bomb ticking ready to be explode at any point of time.
 
Itachi said:
You talked all in riddles. The only thing you said was "be kind" which is stating the obvious.

But what kind of kindness? Where you draw that kindness?
Click to expand...

He didn't only talk about kindness. He wrote about controlling the anger, he talked about patience, he talked about why women's mood change. In fact he touched upon most of the relevant factors in a marriage. I know you you are not a muslim and the references to Islam might have collided with your views, but try to be more open-minded and you might understand some of the things he talked about.
 
Itachi said:
Moreover, adding to above, if anyone who has to remind himself to be patient in an argument from time to time, he isn't a peace loving person. He is just suppressing his natural urge of abusing consciously.

When it isn't natural to you, moments will come when the conscious mind won't be able to suppress the sub conscious mind and it will wreck havoc on that day.

Its just a time bomb ticking ready to be explode at any point of time.
Click to expand...

The bolded part. Can you tell me how some people change from being very bad and rude to kind and caring?
 
IAJ said:
The bolded part. Can you tell me how some people change from being very bad and rude to kind and caring?
Click to expand...

By your own will power. When you rely on God or any other entity which is a 3rd party, you are at their mercy. You are depended upon a 3rd party to control your own emotions which should have been under YOUR control in the first place.
 
IAJ said:
He didn't only talk about kindness. He wrote about controlling the anger, he talked about patience, he talked about why women's mood change. In fact he touched upon most of the relevant factors in a marriage. I know you you are not a muslim and the references to Islam might have collided with your views, but try to be more open-minded and you might understand some of the things he talked about.
Click to expand...

I am being open minded which is why I asked him to stop talking in riddles and explain in lay man's term such as me.
 
Itachi said:
By your own will power. When you rely on God or any other entity which is a 3rd party, you are at their mercy. You are depended upon a 3rd party to control your own emotions which should have been under YOUR control in the first place.
Click to expand...

You have free will, you can either do something right or something wrong. So what is your point? Don't try to get into a religion v atheism discussion here. There are many other threads on this. You already tried to dereail the thread.

Can I ask you a personal question if you don't mind? You can either answer or ignore it. How many years have you been married?
 
IAJ said:
You have free will, you can either do something right or something wrong. So what is your point? Don't try to get into a religion v atheism discussion here. There are many other threads on this. You already tried to dereail the thread.

Can I ask you a personal question if you don't mind? You can either answer or ignore it. How many years have you been married?
Click to expand...

The poster himself brought religion in to discussion. If religious pov is not to be criticized, then why anyone should bring it?

Not been married. Lived together for 3 years.
 
PakLFC said:
I do my best to make my wife happy spoiling her and that yet feel she is never pleased. Having spoken to her about it I am told all is well, it is just how women are. My friends at work agree that it is just how women are...that most are naturally like this, difficult to please. Has anyone else got this problem coz it is really beginning to bug me.
Click to expand...

Never pleased about what - inlaws/job/ your personal traits or all of above? Is she asking for material stuff or does she crave more emotional support? Have a long conversation with your wife & tell her honestly how her behavior is affecting you. Try finding the main source of her unhappiness (sometimes the reason could be really inane but can cascade to something bigger) & see if you can mitigate it. I know lot of guys will just shake their heads & just say all women are like that, but honestly from my own experience if you let something fester for too long, it can affect your relationship long term.
 
dildilpak said:
Never pleased about what - inlaws/job/ your personal traits or all of above? Is she asking for material stuff or does she crave more emotional support? Have a long conversation with your wife & tell her honestly how her behavior is affecting you. Try finding the main source of her unhappiness (sometimes the reason could be really inane but can cascade to something bigger) & see if you can mitigate it. I know lot of guys will just shake their heads & just say all women are like that, but honestly from my own experience if you let something fester for too long, it can affect your relationship long term.
Click to expand...

Solid advice.
 
Poets, philosophers, writers have written volumes about God’s creation called woman. And yet we are nowhere close to solving the riddle. You think you will get some help here, OP?

Haha! Good luck with that.
 
someone once told me women have matrix minds and men have modular minds.

the male mind compartmentalises everything nealty.

the female mind creates a non-linear jumble of connections between everything.

so there is a very high likelihood she could be unhappy about something that would make no logical sense to you.

just be a good person, talk to her about stuff without trying to seem like your working out why shes unhappy. if she thinks your trying to figure her out she'll close up.

she might drop a hint, she might not. it is what it is.

also how come pakpassion has suddenly become an agony aunt forum. you guys need to go talk to your real friends, the would be able to give you guys far more than a bunch of internet strangers.
 
PakLFC said:
I do my best to make my wife happy spoiling her and that yet feel she is never pleased. Having spoken to her about it I am told all is well, it is just how women are. My friends at work agree that it is just how women are...that most are naturally like this, difficult to please. Has anyone else got this problem coz it is really beginning to bug me.
Click to expand...

First of all, assess your own conduct seriously , see if you are at fault and you have an ego issue then try to correct it. If that's not the case, then just live with it, yes some woman ( and men ) are born or raised like this and you can't do any thing about it .
 
PakLFC said:
I think luckily for you marriage has not touched you yet. I wonder why no lady has shown interest in you. Think about it??
Click to expand...
I have been delaying it for financial reasons. But by start of next year, I will be financially viable enough to start a family hence will proceed.
 
Try to be an alpha male,focus on yourself and important stuff in your life,dont act like a simp or listen to simps :razzaq

You will feel happy,she is trying to make you feel unhappy :afridi
 
PakLFC said:
I do my best to make my wife happy spoiling her and that yet feel she is never pleased. Having spoken to her about it I am told all is well, it is just how women are. My friends at work agree that it is just how women are...that most are naturally like this, difficult to please. Has anyone else got this problem coz it is really beginning to bug me.
Click to expand...

Well all I can say is if she is still upset then you haven't figured out why she's not happy in the first place.

If your buying her stuff and she's like "yeah this is nice but meh" then she's not fussed about material goods and wants you to find out why she's not happy..then show you know and make a change..that's it..

More than likely it's probably your family or her family or something you said while your family was around and she didn't like it but kept quiet. You then do the same again etc..

My advice just talk to her and ask. Communication trust and honesty are the keys to a strong marriage. It may not be rainbows all the time. But longevity is key..
 
In my opinion, she is happy but you are not happy.

This thread is proof of that.
 
Itachi said:
Immy G, seems like we sometimes think same. (may be we have perspective differences in case of religion and kashmir but else, seems to be on the same boat).
Click to expand...

In that case I will try and steer clear of religion and political debates with you :)
 
the Great Khan said:
Well all I can say is if she is still upset then you haven't figured out why she's not happy in the first place.

If your buying her stuff and she's like "yeah this is nice but meh" then she's not fussed about material goods and wants you to find out why she's not happy..then show you know and make a change..that's it..

More than likely it's probably your family or her family or something you said while your family was around and she didn't like it but kept quiet. You then do the same again etc..

My advice just talk to her and ask. Communication trust and honesty are the keys to a strong marriage. It may not be rainbows all the time. But longevity is key..
Click to expand...

Golden rules to live by.
 
I wonder how many married men here do the vacuuming, make the dinner, wash the dishes?
Not all the time but at least two to three times a week.
 
IMMY69 said:
I wonder how many married men here do the vacuuming, make the dinner, wash the dishes?
Not all the time but at least two to three times a week.
Click to expand...

Probably none. Very few Asian men I have come across do or know any basic home skills. I used to be lazy like that as well but I grew out of it and simply carried into my marriage.
 
moghul said:
First of all, assess your own conduct seriously , see if you are at fault and you have an ego issue then try to correct it. If that's not the case, then just live with it, yes some woman ( and men ) are born or raised like this and you can't do any thing about it .
Click to expand...

I have concluded that most ladies are like this. Could be due to their hormones and things like that. There is no ego issue otherwise she would not have married me.
 
IMMY69 said:
I wonder how many married men here do the vacuuming, make the dinner, wash the dishes?
Not all the time but at least two to three times a week.
Click to expand...

I do much off that. No problem for me at all.
 
You can never make them entirely happy, there is always something they are not happy about :P
 
1. Communicate with her, and if she replies boldly do not insult her back and try to put her beneath you. I am not accusing you, but many guys irrespective of culture and race get offended if a woman expresses herself frankly.

2. Don't be selfish, I hope you know what I mean so work on your fitness.

3. Maintain good hygiene, no matter how loving you are but if you go near her after eating raw onions it will dampen her passion for you.

4. Watch what words comes out of your mouth, people are sensitive

5. Show her you care, don't put her on a pedestal but show her empathy like any normal human being. Women lose respect when worshipped, because that comes from a place of insecurity.

6. Respect her boundaries, once she shuts herself physically or emotionally, it will take a long will to regain trust. Also set your limits and boundaries, don't be a walkover.

7. Don't impose your decisions on her, she has own desires, ambitions. Again she is a human being, respect.

8. Have some hobbies and be passionate, nobody likes a boring person. She will actually help you in your passion no matter how silly your hobby or passion is.

9. Don't complain all the time, have a positive outlook on life.

10. Never say stop crying, stop being angry. Let her express all the emotions freely and without judgement. You may disagree with her but let her open up to you.

11. You need to be open and vulnerable, don't put on tough guy persona and shut yourself off. You won't come of as sissy in fact she will admire you. Way we guys judge other guys is way different that how girls do it. Emotions are like mirror, if you shut off she will do the same.

12. Get out of the patriarchy ideology, she feels pain joy anger sadness just like you. Your partner should be your equal not less or more.

13. Men are visual but woman are not. Emotional stimulation is everything for them. Remember girls don't really like funny guys but they find the guy they like very funny. Once attraction is built, she will start to liken things which you maybe insecure about like your stutter etc.

14. Tease her and be playful, don't be all serious. If you observe other couples, you may notice this. Teasing instead of insulting or lecturing works way better.

15. Don't fault her if someone hits on her. Be secure, in fact ignore it and don't be jealous. Being aloof is very attractive. You can only build trust in relationship if you do your share and not be insecure all the time.



in simple words, tease her as if she is your younger sister, respect her like your teacher, set limits and boundaries like your parents, motivate her like your kids, win her by being best version of you. It's not rocket science, look inside and ask yourself are you a good loving human being.
 
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