Personal experience: was this a type of depression?

[Kashur_Kalkharab]

Happened in around 2015 march,it had a lot of psychology involved.


I don't know why did I start to behave like that but it was the most painful time of my life. I usually think that 8 out 10 people will commit suicide in this situation.

For around 6 months I found myself almost for all day thinking about where should I keep my tongue when I was not speaking or eating anything(that is should it be touching my upper part of mouth or the lower part,or should I be touching both my teeth or should it be in between all of them).

Should I keep my mouth open or closed.

How many times should I blink my eyes (how often should I repeat it in a particular time interval).where should I rest my hands, in pocket or on my tummy or at the side on ground while I was still.

There were few other things I was worried as well, can't remember them exactly now.

It is normal to have these nonsense thoughts once twice but it is scary and abnormal to have these thoughts pop up in your mind nonstop for almost 6 months, when ever I was not doing anything physical stuff I would be thinking about these things especially the tongue one. I could not stop my mind to have these nonstop continues thoughts for hours.

The worst experience was trying to sleep while being bombarded with these nonsense scary thoughts.i could not fell asleep that easily.

It was the worst and scariest time of my life, its better to die then live in this mental condition.I had to change my life style absolutely such as getting to bed absolutely early around sunset and get up around 3 am. Tried to keep myself busy almost all the time.

During those 6 months this nonsense had a peak where it became Unbearable but I also kept on living with it, waiting for a miracle to shed this off me. I became absolute religious, and further tried to improve my lifestyle.

The amazing thing with it was that none knew i was going through anything like this. Not even my mother.
I have never found anybody complaining about anything like this, not even on internet. Is it common among masses or I was an exception?
Have people been killing themselves due to anything like this? Are there psychological studies about it? What is it?

 

[Nostalgic]

Sounds like OCD to me, and I should know, being a chronic sufferer myself. People who don’t have to contend with this condition have no clue how overwhelming, not to mention crippling, it can be.

One way it manifests itself for me is an obsession with balance and symmetry. I need to do everything in sets of four, because once is an isolated event, twice is a coincidence, and thrice is a pattern, but an uneven one given three is an odd number, so four.

Another is the obsessive thoughts about where I would be if events had taken a different course early in my life. What if I had been kidnapped as a child and sold off to the professional begging mafia? At one point, I had an entire alternate life in my head, complete with name and acquaintances, where I had been crippled and then spent the rest of my life begging outside the Barri Imam shrine in Isloo.

After struggling with it all my life, I finally sought medical help last year, and it’s been a revelation. I wish I had done so twenty years ago.

 

[CricketCartoons]

Please see a psychiatrist.

 

[Kashur_Kalkharab]

Please see a psychiatrist.

I'm fine now bro..

 

[Kashur_Kalkharab]

Sounds like OCD to me, and I should know, being a chronic sufferer myself. People who don’t have to contend with this condition have no clue how overwhelming, not to mention crippling, it can be.

One way it manifests itself for me is an obsession with balance and symmetry. I need to do everything in sets of four, because once is an isolated event, twice is a coincidence, and thrice is a pattern, but an uneven one given three is an odd number, so four.

Another is the obsessive thoughts about where I would be if events had taken a different course early in my life. What if I had been kidnapped as a child and sold off to the professional begging mafia? At one point, I had an entire alternate life in my head, complete with name and acquaintances, where I had been crippled and then spent the rest of my life begging outside the Barri Imam shrine in Isloo.

After struggling with it all my life, I finally sought medical help last year, and it’s been a revelation. I wish I had done so twenty years ago.

I would like to think that God SWT saved me since some events took place around that time which meant I didn't have time to think about this stuff for 2 three months and afterward I only realized it wasn't there.

 

[Nostalgic]

I would like to think that God SWT saved me since some events took place around that time which meant I didn't have time to think about this stuff for 2 three months and afterward I only realized it wasn't there.

The events you mention could have been the trigger for the OCD.

I don’t mean to pry, but were these events to do with the occupation? It has wreaked havoc on the mental health situation in IOK. Add that to the numerous other crimes the Humsaaya Mulk is culpable of.

 

[KingKhanWC]

Very strange, glad you're well now.

Did you eat something which tasted really bad?

 

[Abdullah719]

Definitely sounds like OCD.

Good to hear that you're better now.

 

[sweep_shot]

It seemed like OCD. I have it also.

I have to wash/clean something three times. Otherwise, I don't feel right about it.

I think best way to fix this is by trying exposure therapy. Face your fear and it can go away.

It is not very easy. But, try your best.

 

[PetroDollars]

Definatly OCD,

There are many methods like ACT, CBT, Meditation, Wim Hof to cure it.

 

[pillionrider]

As others have pointed out, sounds OCD.

I had a mild version of this that coincided with a certain period where I decided to do nothing after completing my studies. There were a couple of things I'd do but it never got debilitating. Also had this thing where I was conscious of my tongue's presence - not as detailed as you've described. But I would often feel it's fat and so making me aware of its presence. I put it down to dehydration as I was smoking heavily back then. The thing that worked for me was to not look at myself as a weird or crazy person and they went away one by one. One of my OCDs also vanished when I started working a job.

I don’t mean to pry, but were these events to do with the occupation? It has wreaked havoc on the mental health situation in IOK. Add that to the numerous other crimes the Humsaaya Mulk is culpable of.

Sorry man, but this is the image that popped into my head.

 

[Bigboii]

As others have pointed out, sounds OCD.

I had a mild version of this that coincided with a certain period where I decided to do nothing after completing my studies. There were a couple of things I'd do but it never got debilitating. Also had this thing where I was conscious of my tongue's presence - not as detailed as you've described. But I would often feel it's fat and so making me aware of its presence. I put it down to dehydration as I was smoking heavily back then. The thing that worked for me was to not look at myself as a weird or crazy person and they went away one by one. One of my OCDs also vanished when I started working a job.



Sorry man, but this is the image that popped into my head.

View attachment 102406

You know that the picture is a racist stereotype of Jewish people right?

 

[pillionrider]

You know that the picture is a racist stereotype of Jewish people right?

Yes I am aware that it is also used to depict Jews mockingly.

I was going more for an ironic, Shylockian opportunist.

 

[Bigboii]

Yes I am aware that it is also used to depict Jews mockingly.

I was going more for an ironic, Shylockian opportunist.

Thank God

 

[Itachi]

The issue isn't about the OCD. What striked me most was, why you still think people will commit suicide over it? There are worse cases of OCD but life goes on.

There could be two reasons.

1. You can be a drama queen who loves to extrapolate little things to huge proportion.

2. There could be more underlying issues and OCD is just a external expression of it where it is one of the symptoms and not the root cause.

In any case, you should seek a therapist atleast to be safer side.

 

[Robert]

Isn’t OCD a symptom not a disease? A ritual used to push down or control bad feelings?

 

[Kashur_Kalkharab]

The issue isn't about theç OCD. What striked me most was, why you still think people will commit suicide over it? There are worse cases of OCD but life goes on.

There could be two reasons.

1. You can be a drama queen who loves to extrapolate little things to huge proportion.

2. There could be more underlying issues and OCD is just a external expression of it where it is one of the symptoms and not the root cause.

In any case, you should seek a therapist atleast to be safer side.

I think the situation is so vulnerable that it gets absolutely irritating,but to have it persisting for 6 months with no where to go. Some people will consider that an option, yes definitely.

 

[Kashur_Kalkharab]

Thanks to my ignorance I used to think I that I am an exception,actually could have been OCD.
Our brains can be our such enemies,if not taken care of the thoughts we have.

 

[Kashur_Kalkharab]

The issue isn't about the OCD. What striked me most was, why you still think people will commit suicide over it? There are worse cases of OCD but life goes on.

There could be two reasons.

1. You can be a drama queen who loves to extrapolate little things to huge proportion.

2. There could be more underlying issues and OCD is just a external expression of it where it is one of the symptoms and not the root cause.

In any case, you should seek a therapist atleast to be safer side.

Definitely not any drama stuff, this is the first time I have ever opened about it.
I considered it so weird that I would hardly dare to open up about it in person with someone I know.
Anyway I know something about it now, that is there is something called ocd.