[VIDEO] My Parents are Cousins

[saeedhk]

I finished watching this documentary which talks about the devastating physical and mental disabilities caused by cousins marriages in Bradford. More than 50% of Pakistanis living in the UK marry their cousins. It is heartbreaking to see that people are unwilling to stop this cultural practice despite the horrors it brings to children.

The lady in the video was told not to have any more children after her third child because any child born would have a physical disability but the woman did not pay heed and gave birth to three more children - all were born with physical disabilities. How can parents be so heartless?

Personally, I think that those wanting to marry their cousins should be made to undergo medical testing to find out whether the marriage would lead to any abnormalities in children.

 

[Giannis]

Cool story bro

We don't care if your parents are cousins

 

[PakLFC]

Cool story bro

We don't care if your parents are cousins

I do. I am against cousin marriages.

 

[Tera Gawaandi]

I always wondered how people develop attraction for 1st or 2nd cousins, resemblance is too much, if not you still share very similar genetic makeup and grew up calling each other brother and sister.

 

[Giannis]

I always wondered how people develop attraction for 1st or 2nd cousins, resemblance is too much, if not you still share very similar genetic makeup and grew up calling each other brother and sister.

There's no attraction in old fashion arranged marriages. Marriages are done for practical purposes in most of Pakistan.

 

[saeedhk]

I always wondered how people develop attraction for 1st or 2nd cousins, resemblance is too much, if not you still share very similar genetic makeup and grew up calling each other brother and sister.

Most marriages in Pakistan are for not love but for producing offsprings.

You go from calling her baaji to biwi in mere days!

 

[Giannis]

Most marriages in Pakistan are for not love but for producing offsprings.

You go from calling her baaji to biwi in mere days!

You usually don't marry bajis, average age gap in Pakistani arranged marriages is like 5-10 years

 

[Itachi]

You usually don't marry bajis, average age gap in Pakistani arranged marriages is like 5-10 years

In PP demography, many people have stated that they married their cousins. Doesn't seem that alien though.

 

[PakLFC]

Cousin brothers and sisters are like half blood siblings. I am opening a can of worms here when saying kid's from such marriages suffer from more health issues and lack intelligence compared to others. Let's here the criticism

 

[saeedhk]

You usually don't marry bajis, average age gap in Pakistani arranged marriages is like 5-10 years

Not really. Bride and groom are pretty much of similar age in most cases.

 

[DeadlyVenom]

Its more common among mirpuris and to a slightly lesser extent punjabis in the UK.

The issue gets compounded by multiple cousin marriages i.e where the parents of each of the bride and groom were also cousins.

Given the data showing the negative effects then ita something that should be discouraged.

 

[Loralai]

There is clear scientific reasoning for why this should be discouraged. It is a very dangerous practice and we should follow the science and move on from this practice.

 

[Mamoon]

Cousins are not siblings and they should not be viewed as much. That is a load of nonsense. However, the apprehension over first cousin marriage is understandable since it is definitely risky.

As far as second cousin marriages are concerned, the chances of genetic mutations are roughly the same as in non-cousin marriages.

Besides, you have some serious issues if you are disgusted by second cousin marriages and think of your second cousins as siblings.

Second cousins are by no means siblings. It is a distant relationship. You don’t have the same parents and neither do your parents have the same parents.

The term “cousin sister/brother” is a load of nonsense. I have seen Indians use this quite often.

You are either a cousin or a sister/brother. You cannot be both, if you don’t have the same parents or a parent, you do not have a sister/brother relationship.

For that matter, you can label a non-kin as a brother/sister as well and feel disgusted at the idea getting married to them. There is no limit to your imagination.

If you call your cousin a sibling, do you call their parents mom and dad? I really hope not.

If idiotic labels like “cousin sister/brother” exist, why not “uncle dad” and “aunty mom”?

Yes they sound ridiculous, but so does “cousin sister/brother”.

Besides, why stop at second cousin? Why not feel disgusted by third, fourth, fifth, sixth cousin and so forth.

If you feel disgusted at the prospect of marrying your second cousin because your parents are first cousins, you can also feel disgusted at the prospect of marrying your third cousin because your parents are second cousins and so forth.

This over the top criticism and condemnation of cousin marriages is a product of western propaganda.

This is the same hypocritical west that would condone gay marriages, gay couples adopting children and encourage insane behavior such as gender change and people turning themselves into aliens or garden chairs because it is "freedom", but will roll their eyes at second cousin marriages between tow consensual adults.

Unfortunately, Indians have also become increasingly critical of this practice because of the influence of western culture and their desire to impress the west.

Cousin marriages will be condemned for as long as the west wants, because they are the ones who set the narrative and hold the authority to shape narratives.

Until and unless they accept this practice, people will continue to use mental gymnastics to condemn this practice while condoning far worse and harmful practices that have been normalized by the west.

 

[Kroll]

Cousins are not siblings and they should not be viewed as much. That is a load of nonsense. However, the apprehension over first cousin marriage is understandable since it is definitely risky.

As far as second cousin marriages are concerned, the chances of genetic mutations are roughly the same as in non-cousin marriages.

Besides, you have some serious issues if you are disgusted by second cousin marriages and think of your second cousins as siblings.

Second cousins are by no means siblings. It is a distant relationship. You don’t have the same parents and neither do your parents have the same parents.

The term “cousin sister/brother” is a load of nonsense. I have seen Indians use this quite often.

You are either a cousin or a sister/brother. You cannot be both, if you don’t have the same parents or a parent, you do not have a sister/brother relationship.

For that matter, you can label a non-kin as a brother/sister as well and feel disgusted at the idea getting married to them. There is no limit to your imagination.

If you call your cousin a sibling, do you call their parents mom and dad? I really hope not.

If idiotic labels like “cousin sister/brother” exist, why not “uncle dad” and “aunty mom”?

Yes they sound ridiculous, but so does “cousin sister/brother”.

Besides, why stop at second cousin? Why not feel disgusted by third, fourth, fifth, sixth cousin and so forth.

If you feel disgusted at the prospect of marrying your second cousin because your parents are first cousins, you can also feel disgusted at the prospect of marrying your third cousin because your parents are second cousins and so forth.

This over the top criticism and condemnation of cousin marriages is a product of western propaganda.

This is the same hypocritical west that would condone gay marriages, gay couples adopting children and encourage insane behavior such as gender change and people turning themselves into aliens or garden chairs because it is "freedom", but will roll their eyes at second cousin marriages between tow consensual adults.

Unfortunately, Indians have also become increasingly critical of this practice because of the influence of western culture and their desire to impress the west.

Cousin marriages will be condemned for as long as the west wants, because they are the ones who set the narrative and hold the authority to shape narratives.

Until and unless they accept this practice, people will continue to use mental gymnastics to condemn this practice while condoning far worse and harmful practices that have been normalized by the west.

Good reply, although my understanding is that there could be issues medically with offspring as far as first cousin marriages go, let’s not forget as na-mehrams these marriages are allowed in Islam.

That’s good enough for me as far as the validity is concerned unless someone wants to go against the rules of Allah swt.

Additionally, it’s not as if children from other types of marriages do not have problems.

 

[Stewie]

In PP demography, many people have stated that they married their cousins. Doesn't seem that alien though.

It does happen quite a bit but I think it happens a bit too much in the UK and a vast majority of PP demography is from the UK so your perception is justified a bit that way. The trend is not to common in the US or Pakistan overall, I assure you of that.

It is not a healthy or safe practice in my personal opinion. I have seen some people really struggle with their children because of it.

 

[Technics 1210]

For the record, the Queen of UK married her cousin.

https://www.insider.com/queen-elizabeth-and-prince-philip-are-cousins-2017-1

 

[Ashmal]

Cousins are not siblings and they should not be viewed as much. That is a load of nonsense. However, the apprehension over first cousin marriage is understandable since it is definitely risky.

As far as second cousin marriages are concerned, the chances of genetic mutations are roughly the same as in non-cousin marriages.

Besides, you have some serious issues if you are disgusted by second cousin marriages and think of your second cousins as siblings.

Second cousins are by no means siblings. It is a distant relationship. You don’t have the same parents and neither do your parents have the same parents.

The term “cousin sister/brother” is a load of nonsense. I have seen Indians use this quite often.

You are either a cousin or a sister/brother. You cannot be both, if you don’t have the same parents or a parent, you do not have a sister/brother relationship.

For that matter, you can label a non-kin as a brother/sister as well and feel disgusted at the idea getting married to them. There is no limit to your imagination.

If you call your cousin a sibling, do you call their parents mom and dad? I really hope not.

If idiotic labels like “cousin sister/brother” exist, why not “uncle dad” and “aunty mom”?

Yes they sound ridiculous, but so does “cousin sister/brother”.

Besides, why stop at second cousin? Why not feel disgusted by third, fourth, fifth, sixth cousin and so forth.

If you feel disgusted at the prospect of marrying your second cousin because your parents are first cousins, you can also feel disgusted at the prospect of marrying your third cousin because your parents are second cousins and so forth.

This over the top criticism and condemnation of cousin marriages is a product of western propaganda.

This is the same hypocritical west that would condone gay marriages, gay couples adopting children and encourage insane behavior such as gender change and people turning themselves into aliens or garden chairs because it is "freedom", but will roll their eyes at second cousin marriages between tow consensual adults.

Unfortunately, Indians have also become increasingly critical of this practice because of the influence of western culture and their desire to impress the west.

Cousin marriages will be condemned for as long as the west wants, because they are the ones who set the narrative and hold the authority to shape narratives.

Until and unless they accept this practice, people will continue to use mental gymnastics to condemn this practice while condoning far worse and harmful practices that have been normalized by the west.

Well said

 

[Nikhil_cric]

Cousins are not siblings and they should not be viewed as much. That is a load of nonsense. However, the apprehension over first cousin marriage is understandable since it is definitely risky.

As far as second cousin marriages are concerned, the chances of genetic mutations are roughly the same as in non-cousin marriages.

Besides, you have some serious issues if you are disgusted by second cousin marriages and think of your second cousins as siblings.

Second cousins are by no means siblings. It is a distant relationship. You don’t have the same parents and neither do your parents have the same parents.

The term “cousin sister/brother” is a load of nonsense. I have seen Indians use this quite often.

You are either a cousin or a sister/brother. You cannot be both, if you don’t have the same parents or a parent, you do not have a sister/brother relationship.

For that matter, you can label a non-kin as a brother/sister as well and feel disgusted at the idea getting married to them. There is no limit to your imagination.

If you call your cousin a sibling, do you call their parents mom and dad? I really hope not.

If idiotic labels like “cousin sister/brother” exist, why not “uncle dad” and “aunty mom”?

Yes they sound ridiculous, but so does “cousin sister/brother”.

Besides, why stop at second cousin? Why not feel disgusted by third, fourth, fifth, sixth cousin and so forth.

If you feel disgusted at the prospect of marrying your second cousin because your parents are first cousins, you can also feel disgusted at the prospect of marrying your third cousin because your parents are second cousins and so forth.

This over the top criticism and condemnation of cousin marriages is a product of western propaganda.

This is the same hypocritical west that would condone gay marriages, gay couples adopting children and encourage insane behavior such as gender change and people turning themselves into aliens or garden chairs because it is "freedom", but will roll their eyes at second cousin marriages between tow consensual adults.

Unfortunately, Indians have also become increasingly critical of this practice because of the influence of western culture and their desire to impress the west.

Cousin marriages will be condemned for as long as the west wants, because they are the ones who set the narrative and hold the authority to shape narratives.

Until and unless they accept this practice, people will continue to use mental gymnastics to condemn this practice while condoning far worse and harmful practices that have been normalized by the west.

Got nothing to do with the west. Except a few communities in south india maybe, most hindus are strictly against cousin marriages and have always been so.

 

[Itachi]

For the record, the Queen of UK married her cousin.

https://www.insider.com/queen-elizabeth-and-prince-philip-are-cousins-2017-1

The obsession of UK of some people will never end.

 

[in_cutter]

I finished watching this documentary which talks about the devastating physical and mental disabilities caused by cousins marriages in Bradford. More than 50% of Pakistanis living in the UK marry their cousins. It is heartbreaking to see that people are unwilling to stop this cultural practice despite the horrors it brings to children.

The lady in the video was told not to have any more children after her third child because any child born would have a physical disability but the woman did not pay heed and gave birth to three more children - all were born with physical disabilities. How can parents be so heartless?

Personally, I think that those wanting to marry their cousins should be made to undergo medical testing to find out whether the marriage would lead to any abnormalities in children.

Numbers are coming down. Older generations have finally realised this is not the way anymore. Youngsters as young as 20-25 are increasingly having love marriages.

 

[in_cutter]

I finished watching this documentary which talks about the devastating physical and mental disabilities caused by cousins marriages in Bradford. More than 50% of Pakistanis living in the UK marry their cousins. It is heartbreaking to see that people are unwilling to stop this cultural practice despite the horrors it brings to children.

The lady in the video was told not to have any more children after her third child because any child born would have a physical disability but the woman did not pay heed and gave birth to three more children - all were born with physical disabilities. How can parents be so heartless?

Personally, I think that those wanting to marry their cousins should be made to undergo medical testing to find out whether the marriage would lead to any abnormalities in children.

I know people who have chosen to marry cousins and everything including kids are perfectly find.

 

[Itachi]

I know people who have chosen to marry cousins and everything including kids are perfectly find.

It may skip generation.

 

[drubwrubnat]

Feel bad for the kids. I had a chance to meet a mentally less-blessed parsi boy with the most beautiful physical features but sadly not able to fully develop because of his impediment.

After this incident, it is not possible for me to see this documentary.

 

[TSA321]

Cousin Marriages Could Die Out For British Muslim Pakistanis

https://www.vice.com/en/article/d3a...us-marriage-britain-uk-pakistani-generation-z

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

I always wondered how people develop attraction for 1st or 2nd cousins, resemblance is too much, if not you still share very similar genetic makeup and grew up calling each other brother and sister.

Most people dont view their second cousins as a brother or sister, its a distant relationship.I personally have over 250 second cousins, and I have never seen the majority of them.

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

Most marriages in Pakistan are for not love but for producing offsprings.

You go from calling her baaji to biwi in mere days!

More like from calling him bhai to Shohar.

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

Cousins are not siblings and they should not be viewed as much. That is a load of nonsense. However, the apprehension over first cousin marriage is understandable since it is definitely risky.

As far as second cousin marriages are concerned, the chances of genetic mutations are roughly the same as in non-cousin marriages.

More people need to be made aware of this. Second cousin marriages are a better option for those people who prefer their children marry someone in their family than marrying a first cousin. You can get the same benefit a family which you know very well, and trust, without the medical risks.

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

I know people who have chosen to marry cousins and everything including kids are perfectly find.

So do I. But i also people married to their cousins whose kids have physical disabilities. Doesn't seem worth the risk to marry a first cousin.

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

Personally, I think that those wanting to marry their cousins should be made to undergo medical testing to find out whether the marriage would lead to any abnormalities in children.

Agree with this. Also some countries like Qatar already do this, so a precedent has already been set.

DOHA // Six years after the law passing, Qatar has started mandatory premarital screenings this week, mainly to alert couples who may be related, of any potential health risks for their future offspring. About half of all marriages across Gulf nations are between cousins, and their frequency is increasing, according to a recent study in the Asian Pacific Journal of Cancer Prevention. At 54 per cent, the rate of cousin marriage appears highest in Qatar, and has increased nearly 30 per cent from the previous generation.

https://www.thenationalnews.com/wor...premarital-genetic-screening-for-all-1.548914

 

[Stewie]

Its not a risk or a problem if it doesnt happen all too often. But my experience says that in certain families, it becomes sort of a tradition which means it happens generation after generation an all of them are married within the family. So the same genes are cycles over and over and thats really the definition of "inbred" isnt it? lol
Its a big problem whether you admit it or not. Yeah, a few of them here and there probably wont be problematic but when done repeatedly with all members across different generations, its a big problem.

 

[Technics 1210]

The obsession of UK of some people will never end.

I was born and raised in UK. What’s your point?

 

[Bewal Express]

It's a tradition that helping with bonding and kinship and through necessity in communities but it has outlived its usefulness and people and communities need to grow out of it.

 

[dildilpak]

These days cousin marriage is mostly used by families in UK, US, Canada as a tool for chain migration for their relatives in Pakistan. Maybe UK should stop sponsoring extended family migration, then you will see cousin marriage automatically die down.

 

[TSA321]

These days cousin marriage is mostly used by families in UK, US, Canada as a tool for chain migration for their relatives in Pakistan. Maybe UK should stop sponsoring extended family migration, then you will see cousin marriage automatically die down.

This is what Norway did, and it massively reduced cousin marriage in the Pak community there from about 50% in the 60s-70s to <10% in the 2000s.

 

[in_cutter]

These days cousin marriage is mostly used by families in UK, US, Canada as a tool for chain migration for their relatives in Pakistan. Maybe UK should stop sponsoring extended family migration, then you will see cousin marriage automatically die down.

These days? This has ALWAYS been the case.

 

[dildilpak]

These days? This has ALWAYS been the case.

Moreso now than before with the immigration from other routes getting tougher. I guess that accounts for why cousin marriages in the UK are actually increasing. Cut this route out & as TSA321 pointed out about Norway, cousin marriages will automatically fall.

 

[Bewal Express]

As societies get more educated and wealthier, it will fade out.

 

[Itachi]

As societies get more educated and wealthier, it will fade out.

Are the brit Pakistanis poor or uneducated? If it exists in that section, how education or wealth will weed it out?

 

[street cricketer]

Cousin marriages actually happen in India too, but only in the south. It's mostly a cultural thing, like Pakistan, but it is becoming very rare nowadays. It's mostly a rural thing these days but it's still not something prohibited as it is for the north Indian Hindus.

Here, you are allowed to marry your cousin if your parent and the cousin's parent are of different sexes, i.e., you are allowed to marry the daughter of your mom's brother, but not your mom's sister, as her issues would be sibling relations to you. Similarly you are allowed to marry the son/daughter of your father's sister, but not your father's brother. It is becoming less common nowadays in urban areas though.

 

[Bewal Express]

Are the brit Pakistanis poor or uneducated? If it exists in that section, how education or wealth will weed it out?

Generally, poorly educated. The irony is that in the schools I have taught in, they make up the top end and the bottom, not enough in the middle

 

[street cricketer]

Speaking of cousin marriages, I very nearly dodged a close one a few months back. So the story is that I have a cousin who, I was technically, allowed to marry. But the thing is that we grew up visiting each other's homes during holidays to the point we (her siblings and my siblings) were practically siblings instead of cousins. But a few years back, due to some family issues, we totally lose contact with them. A decade passed and suddenly the aunt shows up to my home randomly with my uncle. She starts enquiring about the well being of my parents and we ask in return and the conversation went on.

Then suddenly after sometime, the aunt asks me why I've not married yet. I politely said I'll do it soon aunty. And this is how the conversation basically went:

Aunt: Well you should marry soon, why don't you marry my daughter (my cousin).

Now the thing is, I was taken aback that she was asking me to marry my cousin (even though it was allowed, I was pretty sure I wouldn't do it). But the bigger shock was that, she was asking me to marry her daughter who was notorious for being a dominant and almost an arrogant one among our cousins during our childhood. I definitely was not ready to be a prisoner in marriage for the rest of my life lol. So I reply..

Me: Aunty, I'm not supposed to marry my cousin.

Aunt: Why not..

Me: Because it can cause problems.

Aunt: What sort of problems..I know many who have married their cousins and they're perfectly fine.

Me: But not everyone escapes and it's an unnecessary risk. It can cause genetic abnormalities to the children born.

Aunt: You know one thing, I have strong faith in God, He won't allow it to happen.

Me: But science doesn't work like that Aunty!

Aunt: I know science too, I even presented a paper on genetics in my college, but I have strong faith that God wouldn't allow it to happen. Nothing is beyond God.

Me: But faith is different, science is different aunty. There are somethings where you have to trust and respect science.

Aunt: Is it because you don't like my daughter? You can be honest.

*Well that's the point* (in my mind)

Me: Oh no aunty, it's nothing like that. Your daughter is really a wonderful girl and I'm sure she'll find a much better qualified match than me. It's just that marriage with cousins can cause genetic problems in offsprings and once that happens, it will lead a lot of challenges.

Aunt: If she's a nice girl, why don't you marry her..

*At this point, I find that my Aunt is being persistent/attacking and that I need to play the counterattacking game instead of being defensive. I decide to throw in a few medical terms and anecdotes to scare her.*

Me: Aunty, I have seen a lot of cases in my paediatric posting and frankly, they're very difficult to watch. Some children might be born mentally challenged, I've even seen some children with huge swollen skulls and when I enquired the parents, they said they were cousins.

Aunt: Why don't you two take genetic counselling to determine if there would be any risk.

*What the eff, I wasn't expecting this brahmastra to be thrown at me! I decided I have nowhere to run now and that I had to straight bat like Pujara now no matter what bouncers I get from my Aunt*

Me: Aunty, the thing is I'm just not ready to marry now. I'm not in a position to marry, I think I need some more time to get settled in my life before I can think of marriage. I'm sure your daughter will get a much better match than me.

*And I stayed put in that decision. Finally she relented.*

Aunt: It's okay. I just wanted someone I knew was a good boy in my family, it's really though to find a good boy these days. You never know what sort of boy you get for your daughter.

*Nah, not falling for the bait aunty*

And that was how I evaded a two footed challenge for a proposal for cousin marriage from my aunt.

 

[dildilpak]

Generally, poorly educated. The irony is that in the schools I have taught in, they make up the top end and the bottom, not enough in the middle

I would have assumed that the second generation Brit Pakistanis would be well-educated, non? Why are they poor in education?

In America, usually its the other way around - the second generation are well educated &/or settled in good jobs. Thats the reason of relatively low rate of cousin marriages here - in my entire circle of family & friends, i only know of 1 guy who married his cousin.

 

[Bewal Express]

I would have assumed that the second generation Brit Pakistanis would be well-educated, non? Why are they poor in education?

In America, usually its the other way around - the second generation are well educated &/or settled in good jobs. Thats the reason of relatively low rate of cousin marriages here - in my entire circle of family & friends, i only know of 1 guy who married his cousin.

It's the million dollar question and there is a myriad of reasond.We have kids at the top but far outweighed by the numbers at the bottom. Many reasons in my view including- most fathers are taxi drivers and don't give their kids any time, the heavy influence of black rap culture( you see too many of our desi kids trying to talk like they are 1st generation Jamaicans), poor example by parents when differentiating between haraam and halal, which sends confusing signals to kids, prevalence of drugs money, the flight of Middle class PKs to white schools which stops schools from functioning effectively and efficiently( that's what I did) and the list goes on.
And the final one is the scariest and that is loss of ambition. When I was at school the parents of kids who could barely read wanted them to become Doctors and lawyers. Today, even the parents of bright kids show little ambition.

 

[dildilpak]

It's the million dollar question and there is a myriad of reasond.We have kids at the top but far outweighed by the numbers at the bottom. Many reasons in my view including- most fathers are taxi drivers and don't give their kids any time, the heavy influence of black rap culture( you see too many of our desi kids trying to talk like they are 1st generation Jamaicans), poor example by parents when differentiating between haraam and halal, which sends confusing signals to kids, prevalence of drugs money, the flight of Middle class PKs to white schools which stops schools from functioning effectively and efficiently( that's what I did) and the list goes on.
And the final one is the scariest and that is loss of ambition. When I was at school the parents of kids who could barely read wanted them to become Doctors and lawyers. Today, even the parents of bright kids show little ambition.

Digressing a bit from the original topic, but the last point of yours is very interesting …i always thought almost all Desi parents are tiger parents and they always want their kids to study & do well irrespective of their personal circumstances. We have heard of too many Pakistani families in UK living off social security benefits like free housing, medical etc. Do you think that all these benefits are making people reasonably happy to live status quo & they are not pushing hard the future generation Brits to study & succeed in life?

 

[Bewal Express]

Digressing a bit from the original topic, but the last point of yours is very interesting …i always thought almost all Desi parents are tiger parents and they always want their kids to study & do well irrespective of their personal circumstances. We have heard of too many Pakistani families in UK living off social security benefits like free housing, medical etc. Do you think that all these benefits are making people reasonably happy to live status quo & they are not pushing hard the future generation Brits to study & succeed in life?

Without a doubt, the welfare state has provided protection but unfortunately its made some of our parents lazy. Why go the extra mile when things are given on a plate. In the current culture All Parents have to bring their A game to protect their children and see them through to be successful. Our parents like parents from many other communities have no idea what to do. As someone that is product of this community, i feel pained at what i am seeing.
I am old fashioned in my beliefs and believe that if your Niyaat is clean, and you feed your kids halal, IA your kids would do you and the community proud.

 

[Justcrazy]

[MENTION=139664]street cricketer[/MENTION] What do you mean technically allowed to married

 

[street cricketer]

[MENTION=139664]street cricketer[/MENTION] What do you mean technically allowed to married

Well since Hinduism isn't an organised religion like Islam, hindus in different regions have different cultural norms. For example, any sort of cousin marriage in north india would be practically considered as incest. In south india, people can marry their cross cousins (your mother's brother's son/daughter or father's sister's son/daughter) but your parallel cousins will be considered your siblings (your mother's sister's son/daughter or father's brother's son/daughter) because they would be considered to have the same patrilineal lineage. So basically cultural norms is what I'm talking about.

 

[Tera Gawaandi]

Indians have also become increasingly critical of this practice because of the influence of western culture and their desire to impress the west.

In India, Gotra marriage was condemned by generation which had nothing to do with western influence, if Kohli had married a girl with last name Kohli people would be up in arms. So it doesn't matter 2nd cousin on 3rd or no relationship, this practice goes further than that.

 

[SpiritOf1903]

There is a theory that in Britain, cousin marriage is often cited as a problem where it may not even be one. Such as lack of support offered to British Pakistani schoolchildren or the forensic detail newborns are subjected to in the search for abnormalities.

 

[moghul]

I do. I am against cousin marriages.

Agree, I wish this practice could be banned , on medical grounds .

 

[Josh]

Cousin marries should be outlawed ..poor children paying the the mistakes of their parents.

 

[Zaz]

The culture of inter family marriage will hopefully recede We are seeing the signs where many of this generation are rejecting this notion

There is no doubt in my mind that inbreeding over 2-3 generations can have a devastating impact on the lives of some off spring

I have seen it myself in my extended family where nearly all the disabled pakistani kids i know have parents who are first cousins

 

[Usman]

Speaking of cousin marriages, I very nearly dodged a close one a few months back. So the story is that I have a cousin who, I was technically, allowed to marry. But the thing is that we grew up visiting each other's homes during holidays to the point we (her siblings and my siblings) were practically siblings instead of cousins. But a few years back, due to some family issues, we totally lose contact with them. A decade passed and suddenly the aunt shows up to my home randomly with my uncle. She starts enquiring about the well being of my parents and we ask in return and the conversation went on.

Then suddenly after sometime, the aunt asks me why I've not married yet. I politely said I'll do it soon aunty. And this is how the conversation basically went:

Aunt: Well you should marry soon, why don't you marry my daughter (my cousin).

Now the thing is, I was taken aback that she was asking me to marry my cousin (even though it was allowed, I was pretty sure I wouldn't do it). But the bigger shock was that, she was asking me to marry her daughter who was notorious for being a dominant and almost an arrogant one among our cousins during our childhood. I definitely was not ready to be a prisoner in marriage for the rest of my life lol. So I reply..

Me: Aunty, I'm not supposed to marry my cousin.

Aunt: Why not..

Me: Because it can cause problems.

Aunt: What sort of problems..I know many who have married their cousins and they're perfectly fine.

Me: But not everyone escapes and it's an unnecessary risk. It can cause genetic abnormalities to the children born.

Aunt: You know one thing, I have strong faith in God, He won't allow it to happen.

Me: But science doesn't work like that Aunty!

Aunt: I know science too, I even presented a paper on genetics in my college, but I have strong faith that God wouldn't allow it to happen. Nothing is beyond God.

Me: But faith is different, science is different aunty. There are somethings where you have to trust and respect science.

Aunt: Is it because you don't like my daughter? You can be honest.

*Well that's the point* (in my mind)

Me: Oh no aunty, it's nothing like that. Your daughter is really a wonderful girl and I'm sure she'll find a much better qualified match than me. It's just that marriage with cousins can cause genetic problems in offsprings and once that happens, it will lead a lot of challenges.

Aunt: If she's a nice girl, why don't you marry her..

*At this point, I find that my Aunt is being persistent/attacking and that I need to play the counterattacking game instead of being defensive. I decide to throw in a few medical terms and anecdotes to scare her.*

Me: Aunty, I have seen a lot of cases in my paediatric posting and frankly, they're very difficult to watch. Some children might be born mentally challenged, I've even seen some children with huge swollen skulls and when I enquired the parents, they said they were cousins.

Aunt: Why don't you two take genetic counselling to determine if there would be any risk.

*What the eff, I wasn't expecting this brahmastra to be thrown at me! I decided I have nowhere to run now and that I had to straight bat like Pujara now no matter what bouncers I get from my Aunt*

Me: Aunty, the thing is I'm just not ready to marry now. I'm not in a position to marry, I think I need some more time to get settled in my life before I can think of marriage. I'm sure your daughter will get a much better match than me.

*And I stayed put in that decision. Finally she relented.*

Aunt: It's okay. I just wanted someone I knew was a good boy in my family, it's really though to find a good boy these days. You never know what sort of boy you get for your daughter.

*Nah, not falling for the bait aunty*

And that was how I evaded a two footed challenge for a proposal for cousin marriage from my aunt.

this was quite an entertaining read, especially the bit about straight batting like Pujara haha!!

There is a reason why cousin marriages are such a big thing in the UK. Trying going and finding a suitable rishta in the Pakistani community and you’ll see why. If you’re well educated and want someone on a similar wave length, you’re looking for a needle in a haystack. And when you find that needle, she will sting you!!

So people end up marrying their cousins because it is just the easy option. You know the family, you know the girl, you know that your married life will probably be ok. There is also a fear - what if I don’t find someone? It’s a very real fear especially for those who have spent some time already looking.

The problem is lack of genetic testing. Nobody wants to bring it up, as it feels like a bitter thing to talk about and as with most problems in life, we as humans like to try and avoid thinking about them. Most of the time, mention of genetic testing (if it comes up at all) is dismissed and people are told to have faith in God. Sorry but God has given you a brain and expects you to use it.

The fact that your aunt brought up her willingness to go through genetic testing, and you still didn’t buckle under the pressure, shows that the girl herself was the problem for you. And good on you for sticking to guns, I’m sure you’ll end up with someone more compatible with you.

 

[SpiritOf1903]

this was quite an entertaining read, especially the bit about straight batting like Pujara haha!!

There is a reason why cousin marriages are such a big thing in the UK. Trying going and finding a suitable rishta in the Pakistani community and you’ll see why. If you’re well educated and want someone on a similar wave length, you’re looking for a needle in a haystack. And when you find that needle, she will sting you!!

So people end up marrying their cousins because it is just the easy option. You know the family, you know the girl, you know that your married life will probably be ok. There is also a fear - what if I don’t find someone? It’s a very real fear especially for those who have spent some time already looking.

The problem is lack of genetic testing. Nobody wants to bring it up, as it feels like a bitter thing to talk about and as with most problems in life, we as humans like to try and avoid thinking about them. Most of the time, mention of genetic testing (if it comes up at all) is dismissed and people are told to have faith in God. Sorry but God has given you a brain and expects you to use it.

The fact that your aunt brought up her willingness to go through genetic testing, and you still didn’t buckle under the pressure, shows that the girl herself was the problem for you. And good on you for sticking to guns, I’m sure you’ll end up with someone more compatible with you.

Islam teaches rational thinking.. it's lost on Pakistanis

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

It's a strange one, two of the most well known Pakistani families where I live have had marriages within their families, and they have produced very handsome and smart kids. They themselves are very successful in general so I guess it's the exception to the rule. Can't really argue with the science so I wouldn't do it personally.