What is a first-world excuse to call in absent for work?

[Abdul]

The title says everything.

Discuss.

 

[Nostalgic]

The fingerprint sensor on the smart door lock of my safe space malfunctioned. I was locked in, with nothing to entertain me except crayons, and now I need therapy.

 

[marlonbrowndo]

The fingerprint sensor on the smart door lock of my safe space malfunctioned. I was locked in, with nothing to entertain me except crayons, and now I need therapy.

Well he did ask for a first world excuse

 

[Nostalgic]

Well he did ask for a first world excuse

He did indeed. I'm thinking of some more.

The vet botched my Siamese cat's gender reassignment surgery, and now I need to console the cat and meet my lawyer to sue the vet. Consequently, I will miss work for a month. If you dock my salary, I'll have the lawyer sue you too, and badmouth you on social media.

 

[Nostalgic]

I self-identify as a trans-woman on the first Tuesday of every third month. I was shamed on social media after I used the ladies' room, because they said I couldn't be a woman since I have a hipster beard. This is despite the fact that I was wearing a sarong and stiletto heels. I'm meeting my lawyer again, and taking another month off. Plus the Siamese cat is still in trauma.

 

[Nostalgic]

My tattoo artist botched my tattoo, so that instead of an insightful Confucian aphorism, the tattoo says "General Tso's Chicken." I met my lawyer, but he refused to take the case, claiming he had too many of my cases already. I'm suing the lawyer, and taking yet another month off.

 

[marlonbrowndo]

Great replies )

 

[Nostalgic]

The instructor at the new yoga parlor wasn't board-certified by The Association of Hippie Millennial Therapists, Shamans, Druids and Witch-doctors. The Inside-Out-Upside-Down-Supinated-Wolf-Pup posture she taught sprained my left gluteus maximus muscle, and ruined my Instagram photo shoot.

 

[Nostalgic]

The corner artisan coffee shop was out of fair-sourced organic 33.33%-33.33%-33.33% Javan-Ethiopian-Colombian Sativa-infused Indica-fortified cold-pressed Arabica beans, so I've been stumbling about in a decaffeinated stupor. I'm taking time off until the coffee shop has the blend in stock again.

 

[Nostalgic]

The label on the artisan baguette at the artisan bakery said it had 0g carbs, but it actually did have a few. I no longer have eight-pack abs, only seven and three quarters. I'm taking the day off to do a rosewater, lemon juice, cayenne pepper and aromatic herb detox. I would sue the bakery, but I'm out of lawyers.

 

[Pakistanian]

"It's my girlfriend's birthday"

"My girlfriend/SO is in town"

Legit excuses I've heard/used in this college town I live in lol

 

[Nostalgic]

The solitary gear in my fixed-gear retro bicycle malfunctioned, and I ended up speeding past the office and am now on a mountaintop. I'm taking the day off to ride down, but I do have intermittent cellphone reception so I'll answer emails. All is not lost.

 

[troodon]

Nostalgic is a legend.

 

[Nostalgic]

The corner artisan coffee shop had my blend in stock, but instead of my usual double-shot stevia-sweetened skimmed almond milk regular latte, the barista gave me a triple-shot raw sugar-sweetened whole soy milk large cappuccino. Consequently, I'm over-caffeinated, over-estrogened, and fat. I'm taking the day off, because trauma. I would sue the barista, but she's a penniless neo-Marxist aspiring screenwriter.

P.S. She can't make a foam fern to save her life

 

[kingusama92]

Was too busy reading Nostalgic's excuses.

 

[Nostalgic]

I ran out of vegan egg-substitute protein powder, so instead of 150g of protein, I've consumed only 147g in the last 24 hours. I've lost all my gainz, I'm no longer swole, and my legs are basically gelatinous, amorphous stumps. I'm taking today off, but when I show up for work tomorrow, there better be a handicapped parking spot and a motorized wheelchair waiting for me, or I'll sue you.

 

[usmanaliu]

I was ill );

 

[big_gamer007]

Hahahaha amazing [MENTION=22846]Nostalgic[/MENTION]

 

[Extra_Cover]

[MENTION=22846]Nostalgic[/MENTION] mate those responses are hilarious and first world problems indeed

 

[DRsohail]

i was having high grade fever...

 

[Gilly]

I cant remember my password for facebook and I need to contact all my friends to find out if something has happened that I don't know about.

 

[Syed1]

[MENTION=22846]Nostalgic[/MENTION] is letting them rip, he has them by the bucketload. Experience

 

[Kianig89]

Practical experience as an HR manager I am sick wife is ill somebody died bike broke down

 

[imrankhannsu]

Mother in law unwell
I am sick (call in with croaky voice)

 

[Abdullah719]

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">As far as excuses go, this is pretty good.<br><br>Rugby player misses match after LION bite. &#55358;&#56705;&#55357;&#56904;<br><br>Full details: <a href="https://t.co/fqd3owuKEE">https://t.co/fqd3owuKEE</a> <a href="https://t.co/T6FV7bfKLx">pic.twitter.com/T6FV7bfKLx</a></p>— BBC Sport (@BBCSport) <a href="https://twitter.com/BBCSport/status/913860936036884481?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 29, 2017</a></blockquote>
<script async src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

 

[sshakir411]

One I've used.... Need to take my cat to the groomer since his fur is matting and since it's summer he really cannot wait any longer.

 

[GBK_Fan]

I had a guy not come in for a few days as his cat was sick :-/

 

[GBK_Fan]

One I've used.... Need to take my cat to the groomer since his fur is matting and since it's summer he really cannot wait any longer.

Never good to use that excuse. You get marked out as unreliable and not caring enough for your job

 

[Donal Cozzie]

My gender binary cisgender partner got micro aggressed by a passer by yesterday and I need to spend the day rebuilding our safe space and virtue signalling to the local media.

I made a post on Twitter at 12am yesterday and upon waking up found someone who didnt agree exactly with my philosophies and ideas, now I need to spend the day arguing with him and failing that succeeding, reporting his account until he goes away.

 

[Donal Cozzie]

Some D List celebrity made a statement a social media influencer I follow on Instagram called fat shaming and it totally broke the internet so I need to follow like the interwebz and wont be able to dedicate myself to work for the time being until feministfrequency have liked at least one of my tweets ranting about it and I've successfully expanded the vacuous space of people I call a group of facebook friends

 

[sshakir411]

Never good to use that excuse. You get marked out as unreliable and not caring enough for your job

That was the truth though. My manager and I did share good relations so I don't think it made me look unreliable or what have you. In the US taking care of your pet is an important aspect of life.

 

[Abdullah719]

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Pitbull "I was very excited about going to Dubai to perform for the PSL but unfortunately, what happened was that it such a long flight, the pilots took the plane for a test flight and when they landed, pieces of the engine had come apart. I want to say I'm sorry" <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/PSL2019?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#PSL2019</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/PSL4?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#PSL4</a></p>— Saj Sadiq (@Saj_PakPassion) <a href="https://twitter.com/Saj_PakPassion/status/1095950721256751104?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 14, 2019</a></blockquote>
<script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

"Pieces of the engine had come apart"

 

[BreadPakoda]

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Pitbull "I was very excited about going to Dubai to perform for the PSL but unfortunately, what happened was that it such a long flight, the pilots took the plane for a test flight and when they landed, pieces of the engine had come apart. I want to say I'm sorry" <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/PSL2019?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#PSL2019</a> <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/PSL4?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#PSL4</a></p>— Saj Sadiq (@Saj_PakPassion) <a href="https://twitter.com/Saj_PakPassion/status/1095950721256751104?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">February 14, 2019</a></blockquote>
<script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

"Pieces of the engine had come apart"

Hilarious.

Best excuse that always works - in first/second/third/nth world - "I'm suffering from food-poisoning, pooping brown water".

But don't use it too frequently.

 

[TM Riddle]

Pet dard should work everywhere I guess.