COVID-19 - friends and family that matter

[Zaz]

Hi guys

Weve all had a very difficult year or so I just wanted to highlight my experience with covid 19 and regards to some eye opening truths over who the real people in your life are that matter

Halfway through the year my ailing father passed away from covid Now because of the covid restrictions the number of people at the funeral were limited with most due to the restrictions offering condolences from home

My sister also got married in a small private event a few weeks back with only immediate family present

With both events ive been troubled with the lack of genuine telephone contact both heartfelt condolences and congratulations ive had from people from who previously i considered family including my in laws

A lot of them havent even bothered to pick up the phone in both cases which has left me reconsidering the closeness of the relationship i felt i had with them previously

Most people would have experienced something similar due to this pandemic Has the pandemic highlighted and made you reconsider the relationships in your lives?

 

[Tubs]

Wow man, very sorry to hear things have been so rough. Very sorry for the loss of your father, and congratulations to your sister (though I'm sure it wasn't quite how she envisaged her wedding to be, I hope it went as well as it could).

Lockdown has been hard for a lot of people, I suppose I've had my fair share of unexpected things occur which I don't want to get into, but this is a very good thread for people to talk about their experiences if they so wish, good on you.

 

[Slog]

OP - first sorry for your dads loss and then congrats on sisters marriage.

What you say is interesting and tricky. And I was thinking of it from another perspective.

In the past eight months, one of my best friends dad (uncle I was very close to myself) passed away. I legitimately was distraught by the events but from some reason I just could not bring to give a call. All I did was send a text message.

I honestly don’t know what to say even when I call. What do you say for such a call? ‘Sorry to hear about the loss!’ I think isn’t that formal and just a ‘tick the box’ activity?

And then I also think that if I was in their position I wouldn’t want bunch of people calling me and would rather be isolated and mourn alone. So that was another reason I don’t end up calling.

So it’s not black and white. If I was in the same city I probably would have gone in person (if no restrictions) which is better

 

[Buffet]

Hi guys

Weve all had a very difficult year or so I just wanted to highlight my experience with covid 19 and regards to some eye opening truths over who the real people in your life are that matter

Halfway through the year my ailing father passed away from covid Now because of the covid restrictions the number of people at the funeral were limited with most due to the restrictions offering condolences from home

My sister also got married in a small private event a few weeks back with only immediate family present

With both events ive been troubled with the lack of genuine telephone contact both heartfelt condolences and congratulations ive had from people from who previously i considered family including my in laws

A lot of them havent even bothered to pick up the phone in both cases which has left me reconsidering the closeness of the relationship i felt i had with them previously

Most people would have experienced something similar due to this pandemic Has the pandemic highlighted and made you reconsider the relationships in your lives?

Sorry to hear about your loss.

Sometimes in loss situations, others may not know if you wanted to be called and sometimes people don't know what to say. Go easy on that and don't judge everyone based on only this input. If people care about you then you already know that they care.

I missed the funeral service of someone because it did not occur to me that it can be happening on zoom. He was not a family member, but the person played an important role in my life.

Now covid or not covid, very few people will really care about you. Make sure you hang on to those relationships and make them better with time.

 

[KingKhanWC]

Sorry for your loss, many Allah reward him with Jannah.

Imo, this pandemic has divided many people. Not my personal experience but from others I know. Friends have fallen out with each other, family members cant see each other so have become distant.

Covid is real and is dangerous to those with immune system issues or those who are not well at all. They should be cared for.

However overall the pandemic has been overstated, being used a control and order mechinism. Lockdowns such as the UK have faced since last March are an afront to freedom and rights, while destroying peoples income and the economy at large. Not to mention the millions who now suffer mental health or depression.

 

[Zaz]

Its been difficult to get over this aspect for me My father very social with friends and family and lived a long life helping them His life revolved around building and maintaining relations

He would ensure we went to a funeral even if it was on the other side of the country in normal circumstances but the fact that only a handful of people turned up at his funeral jars with me It couldnt be helped but id have expected more of a later follow up from people who due to the restrictions couldnt attend


Its difficult for me to reconcile with the fact that people youd consider family in most cases didnt get in touch, in some cases nothing more than a text with no follow up to see how we are getting on after the funeral - theres no mention of him now hes died, youd be surprised how quickly people have stopped talking about him - in a matter of days

You bump into people in the street and theirs no mention of his loss

Maybe if mum was around people would make an effort but as she passed 4 yrs back too it seems people and our relations with them have changed too

Would you guys consider your in laws close family?

Im expected to make a effort with them and their good and bad news but not the opposite way around Does family only mean blood relations?

Its been worse with my sisters marriage All the hundreds of people we would invite and who would turn up barely a handful have been in touch with congratulations

With my in laws side of the family and their marriages coming up in the summer i cant reconcile myself with the fact of making the usual effort i wouldve pre lockdown after all this

Thoughts?

 

[kaayal]

I am sorry for your loss and may Allah grant him jannah.

It’s extremely hard for everyone especially during funerals tbh. We are not able to mourn the way we want with all these Covid restrictions and the isolation that comes with it is terrible for our mental health.But it’s not the fault of our relatives too to behave that way. We are used to meet in person and the consolation words in phone doesn’t sound like the one that we usually had. There are also situations where i didn’t know how to react and i just skipped it altogether because of the fear of sounding fake in phone. Everyone are facing their own problems in their life. Give some grace to you and your loved ones. Relations do matter a lot in our life, be it friends, in-laws, neighbors etc. Don’t be fooled up by this pandemic situation.

 

[KingKhanWC]

Its been difficult to get over this aspect for me My father very social with friends and family and lived a long life helping them His life revolved around building and maintaining relations

He would ensure we went to a funeral even if it was on the other side of the country in normal circumstances but the fact that only a handful of people turned up at his funeral jars with me It couldnt be helped but id have expected more of a later follow up from people who due to the restrictions couldnt attend


Its difficult for me to reconcile with the fact that people youd consider family in most cases didnt get in touch, in some cases nothing more than a text with no follow up to see how we are getting on after the funeral - theres no mention of him now hes died, youd be surprised how quickly people have stopped talking about him - in a matter of days

You bump into people in the street and theirs no mention of his loss

Maybe if mum was around people would make an effort but as she passed 4 yrs back too it seems people and our relations with them have changed too

Would you guys consider your in laws close family?

Im expected to make a effort with them and their good and bad news but not the opposite way around Does family only mean blood relations?

Its been worse with my sisters marriage All the hundreds of people we would invite and who would turn up barely a handful have been in touch with congratulations

With my in laws side of the family and their marriages coming up in the summer i cant reconcile myself with the fact of making the usual effort i wouldve pre lockdown after all this

Thoughts?

We will live in an age of deception bro. You are blessed to have had a such a great father but you cannot expect others to be like him at all. Most people are fake, they play friends or family if its in their interet and when its no longer the case , they disappear.

I dont bother with relatives or extended family events. I find it hard to pretend when I know they dont really care about me and are only doing this for cultural trends of so called respect shown. I prefer to spend my time doing what pleases me and what makes my close family happy. I will be respectful to the rest but they can jog on if they think I will spend a lot of time with them.