How to deal with mean family members?

[Dulex9]

How to deal with a mean, bully family member?

I have a younger cousin who is 23 and I'm 27 and he is very indifferent towards me.

1) I remember I was playing cricket and I missed a shot, it was funny, however, this guy spoke loud about ridiculous I was to some of the spectators.
2) I acknowledged him on his birthday, what sapping him happy birthday, however, in return he hasn't said happy birthday to me at all in 2015 or 2016, he said it to my sister, but not me.

3) I go to functions, parties, events, family parties and he is blatantly ignoring me, he acknowledges and talks to everyone else but me. He's done that last Christmas party and other parties in succession, comes up to my cousin, talks to my sister all of them but me.

4) I went to his house 6 weeks ago and he did not acknowledge me and was talking to me sister, he said "at uni, women fancy me and some of these women me", he was also saying "I want to buy a car next year" and he his brother did not have back problems he would be the tallest in the family.

5) I went to his house ago 2 weeks ago and he also ignored me again and asked my sister how's work going, he knows very, very well I'm looking for programmer, software engineering jobs and he couldn't even say how's my job search going or anything. I went up to him and saying how's his masters going and he said it's good, however, he didn't even say how's my job search going.

I don't know why he does this? Perhaps he's scared I'll achieve more than him, earn more than him, so he doesn't ask how's my job search going and he doesn't want to feel inferior to someone he doesn't respect.

 

[Yossarian]

How to deal with a mean, bully family member?

From what you're describing, I don't see any bullying towards you going on by him.

He's ignoring you, yes. But so what? Ignore him back in return if it bothers you - which it appears it does.

Or alternatively, you being older than him, ask him why he's ignoring you (don't do it in an aggressive manner). Perhaps there's a misunderstanding and he thinks you're ignoring him?

 

[JaDed]

4 years is a lot of gap to have jealousy tbh between cousins ,also if you are the elder one just let it go man.

 

[Dulex9]

Thanks for the replies guys I appreciate it.

No, I'm definitely not ignoring him, I acknowledge him every time I see him, I'm the one who always does it, if I don't say hello to him or shake his hand, he will never do it.

Also I forgot to add this and these are the other reasons why I believe there is a bully like behaviour:

1) 2015 birthday there was a cricket match, he told me to give his jacket to his father. He gave it me in an aggressive manner, I dropped it saying why can't you give it him?
2) I'm still completing my computing with maths degree part time, almost completed, I remember talking to his younger brother about this and he was in another room and I believe he said something rude about my mom and so I think, my mom passed away when I was 11. This was a couple of years ago.
3) At his house at Christmas party, my dad said something and his dad said to my dad "do you see your wife's ghost at night", and he also stated laughing, I was about to hit them.

He also said at a cricket match I'm so and so in front of other people and said at another practice session I'm rubbish when I played one false shot.

Once again, I don't know why he does this?

 

[ahmedwaqas92]

Just let it go, focus on the positivity in your life and I am 100% sure things will start to get better. You cannot put yourself or your mannerism down just because certain people are rude to you...

As I said, let it go.....

 

[Yossarian]

Thanks for the replies guys I appreciate it.

No, I'm definitely not ignoring him, I acknowledge him every time I see him, I'm the one who always does it, if I don't say hello to him or shake his hand, he will never do it.

Also I forgot to add this and these are the other reasons why I believe there is a bully like behaviour:

1) 2015 birthday there was a cricket match, he told me to give his jacket to his father. He gave it me in an aggressive manner, I dropped it saying why can't you give it him?
2) I'm still completing my computing with maths degree part time, almost completed, I remember talking to his younger brother about this and he was in another room and I believe he said something rude about my mom and so I think, my mom passed away when I was 11. This was a couple of years ago.
3) At his house at Christmas party, my dad said something and his dad said to my dad "do you see your wife's ghost at night", and he also stated laughing, I was about to hit them.

He also said at a cricket match I'm so and so in front of other people and said at another practice session I'm rubbish when I played one false shot.

Once again, I don't know why he does this?

There appears to be some serious issues between your families. If his dad is saying such things to your father about your deceased mother, then it would appear that his father is setting the (nasty, low down, disgusting) example and the son is simply following in his fathers footsteps. Like Father, like son.

In my opinion, have as little to do with them as you possibly can - just walk away. And advise your father, sisters and any other members of your family, to do the same.

 

[AlphaFighter]

A Mike Tyson right hand

 

[troodon]

Ignore him.

If you look at him every time he passes you by, he realizes it and shows even more attitude.

Next time, don't even look at him. Just walk by him as if he were some trash can.

 

[blue_champion]

Please don't give suggestions...my family members might be reading this forum

 

[Dios]

In all seriousness though, I went through something similar with a 'cool' younger cousin in high school at the moment. Sent him a friend request and he hasn't accepted it yet. Maybe he thinks of me as the strict, older cousin who would rat him out to his parents when I couldn't care less what he is up to.

In your case however, both of you need to start acting your age. You need to stop being sensitive and realise not every one is going to like you and keep it moving and he needs to drop the attitude and talk about any issues he has with you.

 

[Syed1]

OMG just went back and read what that brat's father said about your deceased mother. Kudos to you for keeping your cool, if it were me I would put that low life in his place. I feel desi people often hold because of "log kya kahien gaye". The other party isn't decent enough to have respect for your late mother and you have to show decency to him?

Talk ill to a white person about his deceased parent and he will land you in the hospital.

 

[Dios]

^I didn't read that bit as well. I would be cutting that family off entirely then or at least the father and his son. Just because you are related doesn't mean you have to be around each other.

 

[Slog]

Wow how sad and low can one be to make jokes about someone's deceased family member. Especially unprovoked but honestly there is just no justification

I wouldn't contemplate that for my worst enemy and I hope I am correct in the belief that that's the case with almost everyone

 

[Lonewarrior]

i dont know what to advise you. but last time when i give my reaction to my younger cousin. , since thn he start disappearing wherever i go. LOL

 

[waqar goraya]

Why don't you also avoid him?

 

[Thivagar]

Be a man. It is that simple. You sound like a people pleaser, don't be. It is either he doesn't like you, he doesn't respect you or even both. Your life doesn't revolve around pleasing others, especially a guy that is 4 years younger than you. When you grow a spine, people will respect you. You don't need that brat to like you.

 

[Dulex9]

At the Christmas party just gone at Christmas:

1) At the start of the party at my other uncle's house, my oldest uncle said something disrespectful about me and my father and at the end he said "I don't pick up the phone" "I don't pick up the phone". He was doing this to completely put me down.

How does he know I'm at home? Why can't he phone my mobile or text me?

2) My other uncle (not the house uncle) at the same party went "if I don't get something/ get help from my father etc I am finished". He obviously said that to put me down and he said it in a ruthless way. And all the other people in the room must've heard it. So in a sense, they wanted to pick on me in front of people an perhaps hurt me.

What was disappointing was when they say that, it gives other people the impetus to have a poke at me.

I'm sure they say things behind my back.

Also my other aunty for no reason starts laughing as soon as I start talking, it happened when everyone went quite and I said something about something on the TV on this same day, it also happened at a friendly cricket match last year twice, and at my other uncle's house a couple of hours away when I trying to say bye to other people on the room and she started laughing.

These things don't help at all, why are they doing that? Are they projecting their own issues out on me and using me as a punchbag?

Does my aunty think of weird so she gets embarrassed so she has to laugh/chuckle?

I'm starting to resent these people now.

 

[Specialisttailender]

1. Stop caring about what others think of you.
2. Why didn't you pick up your phone ? You have to respect your elders but not be trampled by them.
3. Don't be afraid to speak your mind but be respectful as you don't want them to think your parents have raised a bad child just because you spoke out. Could have said something like "Uncle there is this thing called Cell phone, maybe you should try calling".
4.Lions are supposed to be the King of the jungle but they rarely fight each other, they only hunt weaker animals and hence they are in Safaris. Lions see vehicles bigger than them and become scared to attack. Basically, if you don't stand up for yourself people will trample you. This is the human nature. This is why bullies don't fight each other, they pick up on weaker people.
5. Go to gym and work out. It will give you strengthen your mind more than your body.
6. Do basic meditation it will help you be calm and not be phase of what others think of you. You will be in control of your own emotions.
7.Confidence matter, don't just sit and do nothing. Go conquer the world, go do what you want. When you are constantly progressing your subconscious will automatically make you more confident and stronger. Your body language and how you communicate will be much better,
8. This increases your energy aura and people will feel it around you. This is why some people are naturally more respected than others.
9. If you work on yourself and constantly improve your self, the very same relatives that make fun of you will be proud to be associated with you.
10. Self development is a long process. Nothing comes overnight.

 

[PakLFC]

Putting some distance between those you do not get on with would be a good idea.

 

[Zak_Fan]

I have a younger cousin who is 23 and I'm 27 and he is very indifferent towards me.

1) I remember I was playing cricket and I missed a shot, it was funny, however, this guy spoke loud about ridiculous I was to some of the spectators.
2) I acknowledged him on his birthday, what sapping him happy birthday, however, in return he hasn't said happy birthday to me at all in 2015 or 2016, he said it to my sister, but not me.

3) I go to functions, parties, events, family parties and he is blatantly ignoring me, he acknowledges and talks to everyone else but me. He's done that last Christmas party and other parties in succession, comes up to my cousin, talks to my sister all of them but me.

4) I went to his house 6 weeks ago and he did not acknowledge me and was talking to me sister, he said "at uni, women fancy me and some of these women me", he was also saying "I want to buy a car next year" and he his brother did not have back problems he would be the tallest in the family.

5) I went to his house ago 2 weeks ago and he also ignored me again and asked my sister how's work going, he knows very, very well I'm looking for programmer, software engineering jobs and he couldn't even say how's my job search going or anything. I went up to him and saying how's his masters going and he said it's good, however, he didn't even say how's my job search going.

I don't know why he does this? Perhaps he's scared I'll achieve more than him, earn more than him, so he doesn't ask how's my job search going and he doesn't want to feel inferior to someone he doesn't respect.

Your closing note makes me believe that both of you aren't that different actually. While you handle the social situations better, it seems that jealousy and rivalry runs deep in both of you.

 

[Dulex9]

Your closing note makes me believe that both of you aren't that different actually. While you handle the social situations better, it seems that jealousy and rivalry runs deep in both of you.

Their is plenty more I could have written.

However, rivalry and jealously does absolutely not run deep at least in my case. I'm not competing with him or anything. The reason why I put the bit in bold is, that's what I believe.

He's the one who first "started it", I've done nothing wrong ever, I have never put him down, insulted him, his parents or anything.

In front of his parents, he swore and I was surprised his parents did not say anything. Also he told my sister she wears too much make up and she has to get married.

Theirs other times where he put me down at friendly cricket match, he goes to other people "this guy don't talk" and other times when I missed a shot playing cricket he says loudly "look at how he missed it!".

On my birthday at the cricket match he came up to me and aggressively gave me his jacket and told me to give it to his father.

I remember a more than a decade ago when I was doing my GCSE's he goes "I thought you was thick".

 

[Rayyman]

People do this to me all of the time. I just reply with a positive attitude and smile. It works. Most of them end up liking me after that.
I'm pretty sure he's just playing with you. He doesn't actually dislike you.