How to prepare yourself for the loss of a loved one?

[psyoptica]

Dear forum members,

I don't post on this forum a lot but I frequently visit here and I really love reading your posts.

I'm about to lose someone I love so much and I'm struggling really hard trying to cope with the pain. My grandmother who was doing well up until a week ago suddenly fell sick and had to be taken to the hospital. She got released on the same day and we took her back home. She had to be nursed for about a week but today she fell unconscious and had to be taken to the hospital again, where she is being kept in an ICU. Chances of her survival are very slim and I have started to accept the reality that she's never coming home again.

I never had to deal with such intense grief in my life. All the memories I shared with her are coming back to haunt me and making it even more painful for me. I'm not good at managing my emotions and this has hit really hard. I know life is never going to be the same and I'm trying to save myself from falling into a deep state of sadness and depression.

Can someone please advice me how to handle my emotions and what steps I should take in advance to help me move on from this? We all at some point go through a major loss in our life. If someone has been in this situation, I would like to hear what they did to help them deal with the pain.

 

[sweep_shot]

Accept that we all are going to die one day. There is no escape.

Just pray for the person. That's all you can do.

I lost my grandpa 3-4 years ago.

 

[psyoptica]

I have lost 3 grandparents but I wasn't as attached to them as I'm with my grandma

 

[CricketCartoons]

You should celebrate her life, that she got to live a full live and see her grandchildren grow up.

 

[psyoptica]

You should celebrate her life, that she got to live a full live and see her grandchildren grow up.

That's what I'm hoping to do once I'm over the grief.

 

[Savak]

My mother has a debilitating illness due to which she is rapidly deteriorating every day. She used to be a full fledged high achieving independent functioning throughout her life up to her retirement in 2017 and then immediately a month and a half later after retirement she starts showing signs of Parkinson's and later on it turned out to be Multiple System Atrophy

She is now almost bed ridden, she slurs, you have to take your ear close to her head to figure out what she is saying, she can't text properly and she is completely dependent for everything.

Her life long friends and colleagues who have seen her just once in the last 2-3 years all broke down seeing her life this and my dad, me and rest of siblings see and deal with her daily. Illness can bring out the worst in people as well as the amount of times mom has broken down, become very emotionally depressed and expressed her desire for euthanasia

The prognosis is well known and grim. No easy way to deal with it when the person is alive and no idea what it will be like when they are gone. I will definitely be living with my dad and be as close to him as possible

 

[marlonbrowndo]

Religion helps a lot

 

[Buffet]

You should celebrate her life, that she got to live a full live and see her grandchildren grow up.

+1

Time will help as well.

 

[Robert]

Dear forum members,

I don't post on this forum a lot but I frequently visit here and I really love reading your posts.

I'm about to lose someone I love so much and I'm struggling really hard trying to cope with the pain. My grandmother who was doing well up until a week ago suddenly fell sick and had to be taken to the hospital. She got released on the same day and we took her back home. She had to be nursed for about a week but today she fell unconscious and had to be taken to the hospital again, where she is being kept in an ICU. Chances of her survival are very slim and I have started to accept the reality that she's never coming home again.

I never had to deal with such intense grief in my life. All the memories I shared with her are coming back to haunt me and making it even more painful for me. I'm not good at managing my emotions and this has hit really hard. I know life is never going to be the same and I'm trying to save myself from falling into a deep state of sadness and depression.

Can someone please advice me how to handle my emotions and what steps I should take in advance to help me move on from this? We all at some point go through a major loss in our life. If someone has been in this situation, I would like to hear what they did to help them deal with the pain.

Losing my beloved father felt like the best part of me had been torn out.

There is no way to minimise it. You will experience many strong and possibly conflicting emotions. Let them come, don’t try to suppress them.

Take it one day at a time. Slowly the pain will lessen. It’s like a physical wound, it will eventually heal over.

Be kind to yourself, don’t beat yourself up with regrets about what you should have said or done, and try to be supportive to your family who will be experiencing the same pain.

I wish you well in this sad time.

 

[Mamoon]

Well I suppose it is easier if you are religious. You can always hope and pray that your loved one will be in a better place in heaven.

 

[MenInG]

May ALLAH swt make it easier for you. Ameen

No amount of advice from strangers will help you on this journey - best is to confide and talk with your siblings/cousins and try and accept the inevitable.

 

[Zaz]

Accept that we all are going to die one day. There is no escape.

Just pray for the person. That's all you can do.

I lost my grandpa 3-4 years ago.

This

Its a sad reality But like sweep shot said every soul shall taste death

Ive lost both my parents The last being my dad 10 days back

Be grateful that you had the opportunity to spend their last moments with them and cherish and remember the sweet memories the deceased left behind

Being there for each other as a family and praying is a great comfort

Be good and do good so their name lives on

 

[Halaribo]

May ALLAH swt make it easier for you. Ameen

No amount of advice from strangers will help you on this journey - best is to confide and talk with your siblings/cousins and try and accept the inevitable.

Ameen.

This post is spot on. We can only tell you what we felt in our losses. Each person is different.

Find solace in prayer, reflection and family.

 

[AdamM97]

My advice: Spend as much time with your grandmother and your loved ones as you can.

Before my mother died a few years ago, I barely spent much time with her and to this day, I regret it a lot.

May Allah ease your and your family’s pain. Ameen.

 

[JaDed]

My mother passed away a few years ago and my naani looks to be in terrible state too, I’m visiting India as it looks bad.
One can’t be prepared as the person is sum of all the memories we have.

Hate to see the helplessness , and truth seems nothing can prepare us as such.

 

[Bhaijaan]

To quote Sri Krishna from the movie Kalki 2898 AD, “Mrityu dand nahi muqti hae.” - Death is liberation , not a punishment.

Death is the only truth in this world. A truth most people aren’t comfortable to make peace with. Most people think others die. Most people imagine what’s it like to deal with someone else’s death. We look at death as if it’s something that happens to others. The fact that we too will die one day is something people are too afraid to think about.

So, I will second what brother @CricketCartoons said that one must celebrate the life of those who die for everything they were able to be, achieve and leave behind.

 

[JaDed]

May ALLAH swt make it easier for you. Ameen

No amount of advice from strangers will help you on this journey - best is to confide and talk with your siblings/cousins and try and accept the inevitable.

Helps with anonymity on the forum though. Sometimes you got to be strong outside