The family issues - My father and sister

[Dulex9]

I'm writing this quicky, so in a sense, it may not seem like coherent English.

This is an ongoing issue.

You may say it's my issue, I had a long term disability which I came out of and other health problems which I came out, which my father and sister seems to forget.

My sister emotionally abused me for two decades.

She didn't wish to talk to me for seven years. After that she replied back in an angry manner.

She put me down a lot.

She acted very bossy around the house.

I can't do nothing, she acted like Hitler just shouting angrily back

She says why do I want to know the music to the movie when she knows

She kept complaining to my father before she couldn't have a proper marriage. She wanted a 50k plus marriage in England.

She twisted a lot of things.

When I talked about the bullying, abuse from the cousin, she didn't care, she angrily said things back, she didn't say nothing, she knows his behaviour in the past and never admitted and didn't stand up for me, not really in my corner.

She said let's have a family discussion, why would I and do I need to?

She wants to fit and feeds off her friends. She only cares about her image.

She maybe jealous and has issues off herself.

I reported my sister a few times, she was very cruel, I feel she silenced me. Only I know how cruel she was, that's why I reported her.
---------

My father just complains, moans, argues.

He used to complain about money a lot. Used to complain a lot.

He saves £400 a week on a pension, has his mortgage paid off, daughter married, security, stability, has every need met.

I research things for him

He is Going abroad for a few months now

He started complaining to a pensioner women, she didn't look good, certainly had no help. But she looked at him and me with the help he's receiving and seen my Nike air max trainers. She didn't find it funny at all when he complained about food prices etc.

He doesn't listen

A few years ago he almost destroyed my life and everything and I had to take time off for a few weeks.

Last time he almost ruined my career, certainly can't meet women back then with that bad attitude

He never listens.

He says money, however he didn't listen I'm going into self employment which the money is good and you need money to hire people too.

I say I'm meeting women, he doesn't listen. If the power is there, the power is there

He shouts angrily get married, however, you don't need to marry to show anything, I can have a register or have a girlfriend

I am meeting women, however, he doesn't listen

I'm 35, but I know nearly 50 men in the community older than me about 2-7 years ago are not in relationships, not even married.

With his attitude, he could ruin everything again.

He has no sympathy or compassion for other community members as there are many others who haven't done well.

A man shouted at him, pointing angrily to his head. He said why you worried and say stuff when you son has money, women and he's two much older children don't.

He may start complaining again.

I did everything with a disability, mind you.

An older community guy seen me, said my father is daft and another community member says my father is daft, but he told the truth to me. The only thing people say the brutal truth is, your father is daft. They don't say it a nasty or mean way.

 

[Dulex9]

Sorry, meant minor disability.

 

[Vikram1989]

Due to lot of mistakes in ur emergency text, i wont drag it .I see u said u are completely cured of disability and perfectly healthy now.if u are working and can stay independently,why can't u live alone ?Atleast ur neighbours may be decent than ur family .As u said u r part of community,how everyone else is living? Are they independent or can u be stay with of any them ?

 

[Dulex9]

Due to lot of mistakes in ur emergency text, i wont drag it .I see u said u are completely cured of disability and perfectly healthy now.if u are working and can stay independently,why can't u live alone ?Atleast ur neighbours may be decent than ur family .As u said u r part of community,how everyone else is living? Are they independent or can u be stay with of any them ?

Is my sister a narcissist? What would you say of her behaviour and attitude?

I only had a minor disability, it did not really impact my life. I am ok

Thank you for your reply?

 

[Vikram1989]

Is my sister a narcissist? What would you say of her behaviour and attitude?

I only had a minor disability, it did not really impact my life. I am ok

Thank you for your reply?

She is a bully,selfish and too much self centred for sure.I can say on the border levels of narcissism. She may have thought u r inferior to her as and u may not be much helpful for her .If u are a genius and destined for great things than her,her entire approach may have been different and even ur father's too.Both of them seems to be completely selfish you for any kind of gains.So I don't think u can gain anything by staying with them apart from mental trauma.

 

[DeadlyVenom]

Agree with Vikram.

It's hard to tell what the issue is but if these people are getting you down and you have tried your best then perhaps it's time to venture out on your own without them.

 

[Aang_The_last_airbender]

Is my sister a narcissist? What would you say of her behaviour and attitude?

I only had a minor disability, it did not really impact my life. I am ok

Thank you for your reply?

You seem to be under a lot of stress man. I can understand from your post, there is a lot of trauma and you are finding it hard to articulate. We are all strangers to your situation and would have little helpful.

Take your time, sometimes anxiety kicks into higher gear and nothing makes sense. Just let the rush adrenaline settle a bit. It will happen, trust me. Sometimes the present seems overwhelming and super important but remember ever past that has faded was also a present then.

Ignore the things that are not in your direct control, we are not really in control of what others do or feel. Carefully identify the things in your life that are very well in your control.
I am not sure if any of it helps, but time heals and in life, most things are not usually as important as they seem.

 

[Dulex9]

Thank you all for your replies and suggestions.

 

[ElRaja]

whats the actual question here? also maybe worth sticking that into chatgpt if u aint got time to write everything out properly to make it a bit more coherant

 

[topspin]

It's hard to understand what the issue is.

If you're well off financially, leave the house and find somewhere else to live. Best way to keep your relationship with your sister at arm's length.

 

[topspin]

@Kroll

Another one for you to review.

 

[Dulex9]

Sorry. I'm being genuine here. I'm writing quicky which may not make sense.

It is hard, I feel my dignity is being ruined.

My sister was very careless, didn't care, she put me the one side and kept silent on that cousins behaviour. She definitely isn't going to say anything with his past behaviour. Kept a tight lid. She is going to say anything and no doubt people asked then "why did your brother report him to the police twice then" She made me look like a liar.

She doesn't care. Must care about her image too much.

He and they will do it again, what is she going to do? She gave him another chance seems like it. If it was me, she'd rip me apart.

With my father, I get confused. I'm confused. He keeps telling me things when I've got these things. He is way over the top with his words.

 

[Champ_Pal]

You said you are 35. If you have a job and earning enough to meet your needs, move out. You do not have to stay in contact with people who do not respect you (even if they are your parents or siblings).

 

[Dulex9]

Thank you all for your suggestions.

I just come home. My father just shouted after I eaten, he shouted saying "put the stuff away". Seconds after eating.

My sister has everything, I'm very successful with a track record, my dad is very successful.

What on earth is this ridiculous attitude about from my father?

Obsessing with what other people think, say, marriage(I can have a gf), someone's says he seems to be a coward, he's not even there and he has everything. What's he doing all the time sitting with good finances? He could places, go to church, this, that.

It's very weak that attitude.

Maybe he has a poor concept on what being a man is.

Ridiculous attitude. He will reverse everything easily.

Unfortunately, he's insulting others and no compassion, sympathy for me and others. Lot of men who didn't do well in my community unfortunately.

 

[DeadlyVenom]

Thank you all for your suggestions.

I just come home. My father just shouted after I eaten, he shouted saying "put the stuff away". Seconds after eating.

My sister has everything, I'm very successful with a track record, my dad is very successful.

What on earth is this ridiculous attitude about from my father?

Obsessing with what other people think, say, marriage(I can have a gf), someone's says he seems to be a coward, he's not even there and he has everything. What's he doing all the time sitting with good finances? He could places, go to church, this, that.

It's very weak that attitude.

Maybe he has a poor concept on what being a man is.

Ridiculous attitude. He will reverse everything easily.

Unfortunately, he's insulting others and no compassion, sympathy for me and others. Lot of men who didn't do well in my community unfortunately.

What is your community if you don't mind me asking ? You have mentioned community a few times. Are you from a small community?

I have some friends who are from small communities ( small in the UK), like Kerala Christians or Afghan Sikhs and the community pressures are quite strong because there is so few of them and everyone knows everyone's business.

People are saying move out ( including me) but in some communities this could dent your chance of marriage etc. would be interesting to know your background.

 

[sweep_shot]

If you can, move out and get your own place. These can be resolved if you move out.

Take care of yourself.

 

[Dulex9]

Thank you all for your insights.

I wrote quickly, so it isn't coherent.

I'll keep my community a secret.

My sister I feel just wants to fit in, be liked. She definitely lied, never protected me from the cousin, she didn't care and isn't going to say anything.

My father, well, why doesn't he listen and get angry? He has everything and for sure he cannot possibly have no empathy, compassion, sympathy for others. How lucky does everyone have to be for a poor attitude.

I'll move away.

 

[Dulex9]

The other day:

When I finished eating, he just shouted at me to put things away when I was going to.

Today:

I come back home, I had to go to work in the morning otherwise I'd lose my job and my dad would lose support. All he could do is say why didn't I clean up, I said I had to leave go to work and he shouted don't make excuses many times,

Once again, this man has paid off his mortgage for a big house, saves £400 a week on a pension. Got his daughter married off, son successful. Every need met. More

What man complains when others aren't in a good position like him?

This guy is on a mission

My sister, she can't say to people I'm meeting women so they make fun of me. She knows very well the truth. And she cannot say nothing, cannot back my corner, does not tell the truth, isn't going to protect me. She will come on, get others involved for no reason and they'll just mess me around and play games

Emotional distress

They'll come in, try to force me into something and want answers. I'm not going to tell them anything.

 

[Stewie]

The other day:

When I finished eating, he just shouted at me to put things away when I was going to.

Today:

I come back home, I had to go to work in the morning otherwise I'd lose my job and my dad would lose support. All he could do is say why didn't I clean up, I said I had to leave go to work and he shouted don't make excuses many times,

Once again, this man has paid off his mortgage for a big house, saves £400 a week on a pension. Got his daughter married off, son successful. Every need met. More

What man complains when others aren't in a good position like him?

This guy is on a mission

My sister, she can't say to people I'm meeting women so they make fun of me. She knows very well the truth. And she cannot say nothing, cannot back my corner, does not tell the truth, isn't going to protect me. She will come on, get others involved for no reason and they'll just mess me around and play games

Emotional distress

They'll come in, try to force me into something and want answers. I'm not going to tell them anything.

I have a lot of questions now but I am not sure if I should be asking them.

 

[Stewie]

@Dulex9 are you male or female?

 

[Dulex9]

Male

My dad keeps arguing. About leaving the bedroom door open when I went out.

It's both of there faults. My sister for lying and my father for this stupidity. Does he listen? What with the poor attitude.

My sister lies.

Theyll bully again, because my sister lied.

I don't need invitations for an arrange marriage. Can't my father just listen and respect someone's decision ever?

What coward is he? Pleading when I've got everything and women.

Can you tell me if anyone has respect? Someone says can you take your Instagram stories off.

 

[ElRaja]

still not sure what the issue is? and why are you always typing in a hurry, just take a breath, calm down. your messages read like someone who might have an anxiety disorder.

 

[Dulex9]

still not sure what the issue is? and why are you always typing in a hurry, just take a breath, calm down. your messages read like someone who might have an anxiety disorder.

Why do my father and sister behave like this? He certainly has no right to behave like this.

Why does my sister wish to ruin my life, tell the police and tell the police about myself meeting women and going into self employment. It's like when I do extremely well, they question and make it into a point.

They'll ask what has that cousin, twisting things, very much my sister knows how he has behaved.

My sister will shout and mess up my life.

They'll come in to ask info and things.

I'm confused, like I've been confused. It's like I'm not meant to have a life.

 

[Kroll]

Like some others have said, I too was puzzled by what the actual issue or question is. So I had to revert to the heading to give me a clue which seems to be pertaining to problems with the sister and father. However, this is obviously too broad in scope.

It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot of complex, long-term family dynamics, and a toxic relationship especially when it comes to your sister. Although we're only hearing one side of the story, it is not something that can be dismissed easily as this kind of abuse can take a serious mental toll. You state you've recently recovered from health issues and it's understandable it's a road you want to avoid going back down again.

In a lot of households, there can be tense and cold relationships amongst siblings but sadly it doesn't look like your father has supported you in the face of your bullying and dominant sister. I know some have suggested just walking out but I also know its easier said than done. Obviously, there are factors keeping you there otherwise you would have walked away sometime ago given your financial stability.

I don't want to use too much jargon but I feel there has been an element of gaslighting employed by your sister in order for her to maintain her dominance and coercive behaviour over you. I'm not sure what the father is playing at but definitely shouldn't be belittling you at every opportunity.

Not to refute your claims or dismiss them off hand but it would be interesting to hear from your sister's and father side. Just about every time, a different version of events is presented. Also it would give a clearer picture of what are the actual underlying issues at heart so that they can be addressed and resolved.

If you haven’t already, it might help to talk with someone like a therapist or counsellor rather than another relation who can support you in processing these experiences. Samaritans may be a good place to start as its free just to get on the road in talking through your issues and someone that will listen objectively.

I appreciate you were in a rush so you may not have been able to get your points across in a more coherent manner but it may help to tell us what outcomes you are looking for. The community can then perhaps provide more specific advice that will help you. It doesn't look like your sister will change her behaviour but you may just have to bite the bullet and try and get the family together. You can then convey your feelings despite how difficult that may seem.

 

[Dulex9]

Like some others have said, I too was puzzled by what the actual issue or question is. So I had to revert to the heading to give me a clue which seems to be pertaining to problems with the sister and father. However, this is obviously too broad in scope.

It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot of complex, long-term family dynamics, and a toxic relationship especially when it comes to your sister. Although we're only hearing one side of the story, it is not something that can be dismissed easily as this kind of abuse can take a serious mental toll. You state you've recently recovered from health issues and it's understandable it's a road you want to avoid going back down again.

In a lot of households, there can be tense and cold relationships amongst siblings but sadly it doesn't look like your father has supported you in the face of your bullying and dominant sister. I know some have suggested just walking out but I also know its easier said than done. Obviously, there are factors keeping you there otherwise you would have walked away sometime ago given your financial stability.

I don't want to use too much jargon but I feel there has been an element of gaslighting employed by your sister in order for her to maintain her dominance and coercive behaviour over you. I'm not sure what the father is playing at but definitely shouldn't be belittling you at every opportunity.

Not to refute your claims or dismiss them off hand but it would be interesting to hear from your sister's and father side. Just about every time, a different version of events is presented. Also it would give a clearer picture of what are the actual underlying issues at heart so that they can be addressed and resolved.

If you haven’t already, it might help to talk with someone like a therapist or counsellor rather than another relation who can support you in processing these experiences. Samaritans may be a good place to start as its free just to get on the road in talking through your issues and someone that will listen objectively.

I appreciate you were in a rush so you may not have been able to get your points across in a more coherent manner but it may help to tell us what outcomes you are looking for. The community can then perhaps provide more specific advice that will help you. It doesn't look like your sister will change her behaviour but you may just have to bite the bullet and try and get the family together. You can then convey your feelings despite how difficult that may seem.

Thank you for your insights and suggestions.

You have heard one side of the story, only from myself.

My father shouldn't be arguing, complaining at every opportunity. I react to it, it makes me go into a mental loop. He's been like this for five years. It takes it toll. You have read, he has everything and more.

My dad not listening, I'm meeting a women.

My sister did lie about the cousin, didn't care, didn't stand up to me, isn't going to say nothing and for sure, tells me nothing about anything.

Her friends may dislike me or see me as a weak man. Which I'm not.

The community is against me, maybe they just want to keep the status quo.

My sister fits into both.

They are ruining my dignity, so I get confused.

It's very hurtful. It seems I'm put to one side. I feel like I'm a no one. My father doesn't listen and just argues.

So what if lazy in the house, a lot of people are, at work people are lazy. Does he think I'm two years old.

However, I'll move on.

Is there a reason, my sister "lie, made it look like im lying about the bullying from the cousin, didn't care, didn't stand up to me, isn't going to say nothing and for sure, tells me nothing about anything"

He will do it again.

 

[Dulex9]

Any success I have. My privacy will be invaded.

Some people have an agenda and some people don't like it.

 

[Kriketer]

If you are able to work and can survive on your own, what you have described is extremely toxic household so you shouldn't be around them. You can go on your own, stay in touch with them at minimal as at the end of the day they are still your family so you have to keep some sort of ties, but do walk away from their lives and live on your own.

We also don't get to hear the other side of the story so it is not a straight forward answer I suspect, but if things really are as per your experience then the best advise will be to move out, you will be much happier and at peace. If you have any other supportive respectful close relative then do talk to them, especially some elderly relative as that may make things better if they talk to your Father on your behalf, and if you think that could damage it further then refrain from it. Wish you well

 

[rpant_gabba]

Sounds messed up.

my two cents: GTFO.

It is better to venture out on your own and make your life yours and not what your parents dictate it should be.

 

[Dulex9]

Thank you again.

My father is obsessed about marriage. He doesn't listen, I'm meeting women, you don't really need to marry to prove anything. An individual can have a gf or register.

He says anything.

This poor attitude is messing up my life.

All they want to do is control my life and listen to other relatives.

My sister played into his and their games.

They don't listen.

My father threw away my finances, women, everything. All he does is argue, complain, moan, get angry. Just like ive documented the last two days.

It's like my father wants to cause trouble just because he doesn't have his son married. But I have women. He doesn't listen

I'll move out.

 

[sweep_shot]

My father is obsessed about marriage. He doesn't listen, I'm meeting women, you don't really need to marry to prove anything. An individual can have a gf or register.

I don't know if you are a practicing Muslim. Anyway, having a girlfriend is haram. Marriage is much classier.

But, if you are not ready to get married, you can delay it of course. Nobody should heckle you over it.

 

[sweep_shot]

Thank you again.

My father is obsessed about marriage. He doesn't listen, I'm meeting women, you don't really need to marry to prove anything. An individual can have a gf or register.

He says anything.

This poor attitude is messing up my life.

All they want to do is control my life and listen to other relatives.

My sister played into his and their games.

They don't listen.

My father threw away my finances, women, everything. All he does is argue, complain, moan, get angry. Just like ive documented the last two days.

It's like my father wants to cause trouble just because he doesn't have his son married. But I have women. He doesn't listen

I'll move out.

I have 3 advices for you:

1) You need to move out and get your own place. I don't see any other alternative based on what you have written.

2) Pray to God and ask Him to set your affairs straight. Offer your 5 daily prayers, make dua, do dhikr etc.

3) Keep yourself busy with positive things. Get some hobbies. Read nice books. Hang out with positive people.

 

[DeadlyVenom]

I have 3 advices for you:

1) You need to move out and get your own place. I don't see any other alternative based on what you have written.

2) Pray to God and ask Him to set your affairs straight. Offer your 5 daily prayers, make dua, do dhikr etc.

3) Keep yourself busy with positive things. Get some hobbies. Read nice books. Hang out with positive people.

4. Speak to a professional bro. Work out it out with someone like a therapist

 

[sweep_shot]

4. Speak to a professional bro. Work out it out with someone like a therapist

Yes. For sure.

If things are really bad, better to get assistance from a professional therapist.

 

[KingKhanWC]

My 2 cents.

You're 35 but acting like a 12 year old girl. Your father is clearly stressed and as a grown son you should be taking him away, spending some time and speaking to him. You need to do the same with your sister. When parents get elderly , they have authority in decisions but children eventually take over day to day runnings.

Tell them you care about them and how you are feeling. If they persist, move out but continue to visit.

And stop worrying about finding a girlfriend, if you are a smart, strong, decent fella, they will come to you eventually.

 

[Stewie]

My 2 cents.

You're 35 but acting like a 12 year old girl. Your father is clearly stressed and as a grown son you should be taking him away, spending some time and speaking to him. You need to do the same with your sister. When parents get elderly , they have authority in decisions but children eventually take over day to day runnings.

Tell them you care about them and how you are feeling. If they persist, move out but continue to visit.

And stop worrying about finding a girlfriend, if you are a smart, strong, decent fella, they will come to you eventually.

I don't necessarily agree with that advice without knowing the full extent of his situation. In our culture we do put parents on the pedestal, but that does not mean its always the right thing to do. There are a lot of toxic parents who put their needs first over their childrens. I don't think children of such parents owe them anything if they have suffered neglect and mental or physical torture.

I am not saying he should abandon his father, just that we don't really know enough.

 

[KingKhanWC]

I don't necessarily agree with that advice without knowing the full extent of his situation. In our culture we do put parents on the pedestal, but that does not mean its always the right thing to do. There are a lot of toxic parents who put their needs first over their childrens. I don't think children of such parents owe them anything if they have suffered neglect and mental or physical torture.

I am not saying he should abandon his father, just that we don't really know enough.

I fully agree with you. However there is always 2 sides to a story and the OP seems all over the place. Usually in Asian families a grown son is adored. Imo there seems to be more to this than what the OP is suggesting.

 

[Stewie]

I fully agree with you. However there is always 2 sides to a story and the OP seems all over the place. Usually in Asian families a grown son is adored. Imo there seems to be more to this than what the OP is suggesting.

There is no rhyme/reason/logic to the OP's posts. I am not trying to be rude or anything but they read like a one sided rant of a disgruntled person. I am not sure why you would air your dirty laundry in public. There are a lot of other avenues available to one to solve such issues, least of which should be coming to an online forum to badmouth your family.

 

[KingKhanWC]

There is no rhyme/reason/logic to the OP's posts. I am not trying to be rude or anything but they read like a one sided rant of a disgruntled person. I am not sure why you would air your dirty laundry in public. There are a lot of other avenues available to one to solve such issues, least of which should be coming to an online forum to badmouth your family.

This was my first impression, sure its an anonomyous forum but to badmouth your family to stangers doesnt show a good side of the OP. Asking for advice is fine but it seems more like a rant at the family.

When you're 35 living in the west, you should own you own house, have plenty of savings and ideally be married. One cannot always blame family or others for their own shortcomings. I know people from backward familes/parents but they worked hard in school and in jobs to change not only their lives but the fortunes of their families.

The trick is to worry 90% about yourself and where you are in life, rather than others. Ignoring people isnt too hard, if you are busy with your own life.

 

[Dulex9]

I do love and care about my father. I often tell him to do something or go outside, take a walk.

I feel they used my scapegoat. They did belittle, put me down, bully, bad mouth, publically humiliate me.

I don't know the reason, some people say they do it because they are insecure, bitter, jealous, have their issues. Some people say, it is for their pride and ego.

Maybe they have no respect for whatever reason.

I did say I had a minor disability and I couldn't stand up for myself.

The truth is, my sister also did emotionally abuse me for two decades.

I only reported the cousin twice on big logs for a reason. My sister couldn't care less, she knew his behaviour and twisted things, lied. She gave the power to him.

The reason why I come on a public forum is, I seek advice and insights.

I am planning to move out and seeking professional help.

 

[Dulex9]

A women came up to me, ignored my Instagram stories of going out.

They said why don't I go abroad, however I said in already meeting women here.

These community people wanted to undermine me.

Are they going to report me for setting up self employment, hiring people?

They just wish to overpower and undermine me all the time.

It's my sister who tells lies

 

[Dulex9]

Once again, my father shouts again and gets angry.

He told me to keep the door upstairs shut.

He doesn't seem to have any sympathy, compassion, empathy for others. Neither other pensioners who are far worse off than him.

An uncle cried because he's two children are 44, one single, the other. I'm meeting women. What about the other 40 and more odd men who are a bit older single on the community? It's like a bully, grinded into me from time to time.

I do love, respect and listen to my father.

I'm confused, the way he moans, complains, argues, talks angry. He has everything, mortgage paid off on the big house, he saves a lot of £400 per week on a pension, lots of resources, achieved, this, that. I cater for his needs.

He needs to be careful, he could easily hurt any one of us.

I have cut off the relatives. They don't care, don't listen, gaslight me. Didn't support me, didn't acknowledge any success. You read in past threads regarding the emotional abuse. They ignored everything. Ignored any success.

Now at 35, the relatives I believe are looking to, selfishly for their own agenda introducing me(they do not listen and I do not need this, they do not ask intelligent questions) and they may wish to come in to ask questions, find out info. For their own agenda. Control me.

Behind the scenes, they ask my sister questions about my life. Never ask me.

 

[Dulex9]

As you read the above post.

The relatives will shout, say "why don't you visit our house" which I haven't got two years.

They didn't care I got bullied, abused, said it's my mental issues. Bad mouth behind my back. No support. Left me to one side.

As I stated many times, they don't acknowledge any success or anything in my life.

 

[sweep_shot]

As I stated many times, they don't acknowledge any success or anything in my life.

I think you need to stop looking for acknowledgements. Just do your thing and do it for yourself. Seek your own acknowledgement.

Expecting things from people is not a good strategy. You may feel disappointed.

 

[Dulex9]

Thank you

If you read post 41.

Since my father and my sister both know I'm meeting women. I'll call the police if they'll arrange anything. It's not fair.

And my sister as I stated, lied, she knows the cousins behaviour in the past, yet kept quiet and will never say or reveal anything and did not give a video the other time.

No point having a family discussion about the reporting of that cousin, like my sister wanted have a discussion, when they all know how he behaved in the past? He will twist things, they will put me in one corner and try to gaslight, manipulate me. They all twisted things, they all said it's my mental issues.

I'm confused. My father may employ sort of bullying tactics to make me a man and make me better, but to destroy a life? But no one else has women and no one else could quiet their should, hire people and be self employed.

I'm seeking professional help and I'm moving out.

 

[shaz619]

If what you’re saying is true, I’d push them both from the top of Hell In A Cell.

 

[Dulex9]

If what you’re saying is true, I’d push them both from the top of Hell In A Cell.

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I was crying at work to myself the other day. I got shouted at because I snapped in my head quietly and didn't listen, it did seem rude. Didn't listen and then asked him again.



I could get a complaint for that.



As I said, read post 44 and 41. He has everything.



My father loses me money. If he wants me to be a man, kind of bullying me to toughen me up and being stern is not the way to go. Which I think is the reason.



To bully me to be happier is also a silly way to go do it.



I just get confused. To the point I don't care about finances.



I understand, however it's difficult to take if someone behaves like this for no reason with everything for such a long time.



My sister too lied and twisted things. She knew how he behaved in the past, didn't say nothing and will keep silent. Why doesn't she say the police couldn't taken action.


I am seeking profess
ional help and will move out.

 

[Itachi]

I'll ask the following question straight and am serious while asking this.

Are you diagonised with autism? Was there any clinical diagnosis in past?

 

[Dulex9]

I'll ask for an autism test.

 

[Dulex9]

Since they both know I don't need an arranged marriage.

I'll report my sister again since they all talk to her.

And they ignored the fact I declined further police action against the cousin.

Again, 41, 44, 46.

My father only cares about his pride. He went to far, to ruin and destroy a life.

I still get confused.

 

[Pakpak]

You need to have a diary or a journal instead.

 

[Vikram1989]

My father only cares about his pride. He went to far, to ruin and destroy a life.

I still get confused.

Being kind to unknown person is humanity and to family person is responsibility. It's responsibility because we are supposed to stick for our families whatever happens. If our own family can't do it, it means atleast we can be happy by staying away from them.its nothing wrong to safeguard our mental health.Sometimes being selfish is not wrong.its like avoiding a painful movie even though we like it.you may be frightened to do it but just think of you friends how they are doing it alone.Once you do it,u may feel sorry that you have not done earlier .


HOPE BEYOND HOPE

 

[Dulex9]

Being kind to unknown person is humanity and to family person is responsibility. It's responsibility because we are supposed to stick for our families whatever happens. If our own family can't do it, it means atleast we can be happy by staying away from them.its nothing wrong to safeguard our mental health.Sometimes being selfish is not wrong.its like avoiding a painful movie even though we like it.you may be frightened to do it but just think of you friends how they are doing it alone.Once you do it,u may feel sorry that you have not done earlier .


HOPE BEYOND HOPE

Thanks. I am going to move out as I'm searching for places. I'm on the search for professional help.

I was going to write he complained yesterday and today on different posts.

Other people said, he's extremely selfish.

I already said I had a minor disability for a long time, mental health, this health problem. What kind of person with Everything treats people like that. Other families have got problems. I did say I love and respect my father, however all he does is complain, argue, moan, get angry.

You've read the previous posts on how fortunate financially and status wise with all of his nerds met.

He only seems to care for his pride, ego, fitting in, maybe having a good name, which he already has.

I still get confused, confused.

His words could hurt him, destroy him and myself. He will flip for no reason.

I've done nothing wrong.

A colleague said the brutal truth, he said if you wanted to know the truth, he's a coward or very weak. However he doesn't need to be weak. He said he has no respect for me and leave him.

Another person said, unfortunately he's a bully.

 

[Dulex9]

He lost it in his own mind. He must only think of his name and his reputation, way way, way over the top.

I told him to buy a laptop, entertain himself, go to places or places of worship.

It's his money, however, he does save £400 a week as a pensioner.

 

[sweep_shot]

He lost it in his own mind. He must only think of his name and his reputation, way way, way over the top.

I told him to buy a laptop, entertain himself, go to places or places of worship.

It's his money, however, he does save £400 a week as a pensioner.

Are you based in Pakistan or UK?

 

[Dulex9]

Im I'm based.

Now that I've got women, everyone sees it in my social media. I'm a big success

They will come in and say "we are worried".

My sister allows it. She twist things and lies. She kept quiet and will about the cousins past behaviour.

 

[Itachi]

This thread should be closed in my opinion.

Im I'm based.

Now that I've got women, everyone sees it in my social media. I'm a big success

They will come in and say "we are worried".

My sister allows it. She twist things and lies. She kept quiet and will about the cousins past behaviour.

Do you buy gifts for your women too frequently?

 

[sweep_shot]

Im I'm based.

Now that I've got women, everyone sees it in my social media. I'm a big success

They will come in and say "we are worried".

My sister allows it. She twist things and lies. She kept quiet and will about the cousins past behaviour.

Are you in UK or Pakistan?

 

[Dulex9]

Sorry I'm the UK.

However if they conspire a marriage without permission behind my back. I'll report them. My sister would be behind this too.

And my sister will also be interviewed. She kept quiet and twisted things about the cousin's behaviour. She could have been the one and she will never admit it.

She just wants to fit in and be a part.

 

[big_gamer007]

First of all take care of your health, nothing is more important in life than your own health.

If you just want to vent out and release what’s inside you by all means continue posting in this thread, however, if you actually want help and guidance/suggestions from people here then you need to read the replies and answer the queries so people can understand the situation better and try and help you out further.

 

[Dulex9]

I am sorting after professional help and will move out.

I do feel my power is taken away. Maybe they both act like that, because they want their lives in a certain way and they want me to be in a certain way and how I live my life.

I feel they are both very insecure and underneath only care what the community, peers think and say about them. Their image is very important.

 

[Dulex9]

I know what's going to happen.
The relatives will come in, want info and answers to my life, what's all this setting up self employment about, co erce by brainwashing me into my marriage. They'll ask what's the name of the women.
My father and sister do not listen. My sister will shout at me in front of them.
She's the one who kept silent on the cousins behaviour, didn't admit and will never say anything. She knew how he behaved in the past, didn't say nothing and will keep silent. Why doesn't she say the police could've taken action?
My sister just said and they said it's mental health issues. I don't need a family discussion on it.
I bet you any money, the cousin will come in with the other cousins and say...why am I lying? Laugh at me etc about all this. He's this one who's been lying.
Sorry. Like I stated, I'm sorting after professional help, I'll see my GP and I'm making arrangements to move out.

 

[Dulex9]

All I wanted to know is why does my father, sister behave like this?

I'm sorting out professional help and making Arrangements to move out.

I have to help myself and heal myself first.

I do respect my father.

My father doesn't listen. No reason to argue, shout. I'm confused. With an excellent track record and having everything. Self centered. Wants me to sacrifice my life for him.

She's the one who kept silent on the cousins behaviour, didn't admit and will never say anything. She knew how he behaved in the past, didn't say nothing and will keep silent. Why doesn't she say the police could've taken action?

My sister just said and they said it's mental health issues. I don't need a family discussion on it.

He will do it again.

They will come in and say why am I lying about the self employment etc. And wish to find out about other things.

 

[Vikram1989]

All I wanted to know is why does my father, sister behave like this?

Everything is not logical .it will be purely emotional too. You can't think about ideal outcomes and suffer for the shortfalls. Instead of thinking why it is , pls accept the truth that they won't change and won't bother about you

 

[Dulex9]

I've been scared of my sister for a long long time.

She twist things and behaves like a bully.

I'm sure they'll coerce me into something.

Id literally laugh if the cousin who I reported and let off said.....we have reported you(me) for lying(my sister lied to everyone about his bullying, abuse when I reported him), self employment and my lifestyle etc.

They do wish to put me in one corner, control me.

Like I said, I'm sorting after professional help and moving out.

 

[Dulex9]

Im still upset about my sister's behaviour.

They only ask my sister and accept her answer, which may very well be wrong answer.

She's the one who kept silent on the cousins behaviour, didn't admit and will never say anything. She knew how he behaved in the past, didn't say nothing and will keep silent. Why doesn't she say the police could've taken action? Why does she want me to talk to him after all these years of the cruelty?

It's not fair.

She may only care about her social image.

They will control me and twist, manipulate me. It's because my sister allows it.

It's almost like I have no life or no mind of my own.

 

[sweep_shot]

It's almost like I have no life or no mind of my own.

You need to put in effort to change the situation.

Life is like cricket batting. You have to be proactive. Can't get bogged down.

 

[Dulex9]

I still wanted to know what is of my sister's behaviour.

They only ask my sister and accept her answer, which may very well be wrong answer.

She's the one who kept silent on the cousins behaviour, didn't admit and will never say anything. She knew how he behaved in the past, didn't say nothing and will keep silent. Why doesn't she say the police could've taken action? Why does she want me to talk to him after all these years of the cruelty?

She said it's all in my head and my mental issues (when I reported the cousin twice)

It's not fair.

She may only care about her social image.

She just said, why don't I bring it up with the cousin and I haven't moved on when I spoke about it(what 9 years of the cruel behaviour).

The fear is, he may do it again, because my sister didn't care or say nothing.

I am sorting out professional help and making arrangements to move out.

 

[Dulex9]

She's ruining my dignity. They are just coercing and gaslighting me. Dictating.

It's like I have no choice of no mind of my own. They will not ask intelligent questions

 

[Vikram1989]

She's ruining my dignity. They are just coercing and gaslighting me. Dictating.

It's like I have no choice of no mind of my own. They will not ask intelligent questions

Have u spoken to ur specialist? What he advised?

Just forget any meaningful response from ur family. U have to help urself. No one else can do it for you .issue is about ur mental strength to do the right thing.

 

[Dulex9]

Thank you, as I said, I'm sorting professional help and making arrangements to move out.

I still wanted to know what is of my sister's behaviour.

So:

-----

She's the one who kept silent on the cousins behaviour, didn't admit and will never say anything. She knew how he behaved in the past, didn't say nothing and will keep silent.

Even if we did have a family discussion, why doesn't she back me up? knowing his past behaviour.

She said it's all in my head and my mental issues (when I reported the cousin twice)

She told me to move on, when I spoke about his past behaviour.

She's says "don't kick off". Even when he kicked off in the past. She says nothing.

----

It's not fair.

She may only care about her social image.

The fear is, he may do it again, because my sister didn't care or say nothing.

 

[Dulex9]

If you read the above post, why doesn't she back me up then and protect me, is she going to keep silent and act bossy?

 

[Dulex9]

From post 70, all I wanted to know is, what is my sister doing with her responses? Is she trying to control me, gaslight me?

When I reported the cousin, they said it's my mental health.

And I'm meant to be jealous, even when they've ignored I've cancelled taking further action? Oh right, this cousin is going to quit is job and hire people, be self employed? And have freedom in life and do whatever he wants to do. He will never do that.

How the hell am I jealous. They don't know me and ignored that. Now what, will they overthrow me, overthrow everything in my life and say I need help.

It's like they are making my decisions for me and I don't have a life.

I am sorting out professional help and making arrangements to move out.