Jahaiz

[gkb101277867]

Is this still a thing in Pakistan?
I wouldn't be surprised in rural areas but what about middle class society in cities such as Lahore?

 

[KingKhanWC]

Is this still a thing in Pakistan?
I wouldn't be surprised in rural areas but what about middle class society in cities such as Lahore?

What is Jahaiz?

 

[Syed1]

What is Jahaiz?

Dowry

 

[Syed1]

One of those garbage parts of our culture. Needs to be dumped ASAP. I think the demanding of jahaiz is not very common amongst educated families. However, some families want to give jahaiz just for their heart's content.


I know when I got married the larki walay asked what do you want for jahaiz and the larkay walay at first refused but on the persistence of the other side said jo apki beti ki khushi ke liyay munasib ho.

 

[KingKhanWC]

Dowry

Ok thanks.

Im sure it still takes place, these type of traditions just done easily die out.

 

[kaayal]

One of those garbage parts of our culture. Needs to be dumped ASAP. I think the demanding of jahaiz is not very common amongst educated families. However, some families want to give jahaiz just for their heart's content.


I know when I got married the larki walay asked what do you want for jahaiz and the larkay walay at first refused but on the persistence of the other side said jo apki beti ki khushi ke liyay munasib ho.

Even if the boy doesn't ask anything, the societal pressure will be there for the brides parents to give something like "Log kya sochenge" syndrome. Also you will hear auntijis saying they didn't give "anything" while getting their daughter married off (then who the hell is i am for? :69) This is really insulting for any parents tbh.

 

[gkb101277867]

Anyone who has family members or friends who got married recently know if dowry was given?

 

[sjahmed23]

I think its still pretty common but not much in the upper middle class. Some of my cousin's families had to give jahaiz when they got married. The groom families demanded things like AC, Bike, ect, ect... Its really pathetic because its mainly asked from the poor families who don't have much to give to begin with and they are left with no choice but to take out large amounts of loans.

 

[kingusama92]

I think its still pretty common but not much in the upper middle class. Some of my cousin's families had to give jahaiz when they got married. The groom families demanded things like AC, Bike, ect, ect... Its really pathetic because its mainly asked from the poor families who don't have much to give to begin with and they are left with no choice but to take out large amounts of loans.

Damn.

How do people have the guts to ask for stuff like they're ordering at Mcdonald's?

Should have the door slammed on their face.

 

[troodon]

You mean Dahej?

 

[kingusama92]

You mean Dahej?

No, he means dowry.

 

[Slog]

Does this have any basis in Islam

Correct me if im wrong but it even happened in Prophet'S (pubuh) time?

 

[CricketCartoons]

Dowry is a good system which gives wealth to the girl so that she maintains her independence after marriage. But it has been turned into an instrument of oppression by the groom's side taking it as their right, when it should only be meant for the girl.

 

[Musakhel]

Does this have any basis in Islam

Correct me if im wrong but it even happened in Prophet'S (pubuh) time?

It's the other way round, dowry is where the groom demands from the bride, In Islam the groom has to give A mehr to the bride.

 

[DW44]

Is this still a thing in Pakistan?
I wouldn't be surprised in rural areas but what about middle class society in cities such as Lahore?

Yes, big time.

Anyone who has family members or friends who got married recently know if dowry was given?

A friend was married last year and his father in law, a local real estate tycoon, gave about PKR 200 million or so worth of stuff in dowry (a couple of BMWs and a house in F-6 Islamabad among other things). Funny thing is that the guy is from a middle class family and this was enough to literally buy entire generations of his family.

 

[UN talkz]

You mean Dahej?

Yes in Hindi language it is Dahej and in Urdu it is Jahaiz

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

Ok thanks.

Im sure it still takes place, these type of traditions just done easily die out.

I don't think it's prevalent in British Pakistani community any more, although the bride still seems to come with the jewellery for custom sake more than anything else. I wonder if it's the same with British Indians?

 

[KingKhanWC]

I don't think it's prevalent in British Pakistani community any more, although the bride still seems to come with the jewellery for custom sake more than anything else. I wonder if it's the same with British Indians?

I think the old days of giving pots, pans, furniture etc are definatly gone but many parents of the girl still give something substantial such as money towards a house etc.

I've seen in some old cultures, it's the guy who gives the parents of the girl some gifts when asking for hand in marriage.

 

[Syed1]

I think the old days of giving pots, pans, furniture etc are definatly gone but many parents of the girl still give something substantial such as money towards a house etc.

I've seen in some old cultures, it's the guy who gives the parents of the girl some gifts when asking for hand in marriage.

That is also a part of the culture. The guy's family gives gifts and its known as burri and the girl's family gives gifts and it is known as jahaiz. The problem comes when the guy's family starts demanding jahaiz or setting minimum acceptable monetary value for jahaiz.

 

[Jadz]

Does this have any basis in Islam

Correct me if im wrong but it even happened in Prophet'S (pubuh) time?

No, the dowry system does not have any basis in Islam.

In Arab countries, the Islamic system operates, whereby the prospective groom provides dowry, and settles a sum of money - in advance when or if required by the prospective bride - known as 'Mahr', which is her right, according to the Law.

A Muslim man cannot enter into marriage unless, until, he gives the dowry, according to his financial status. The wedding is supposed to be the responsibility of the groom, in that he is required to pay all costs for it. Though, if both bride and groom, as well as their families, wish, both may contribute to the costs of the wedding.

All gifts given to the bride belong to her, she - nor her family - are required to give any money to the groom or his family. Of course, the bride's family will always give a gift or two to the groom, but they are not obliged to buy cars, fridges or set up businesses for him!

The idea of 'jahaiz' originates in India and Hinduism.

 

[CricketCartoons]

In my case, I had to buy a 4 bedroom flat in a posh high rise apartment in gurgaon, before the girl's parents agreed for the marriage. To their credit, they sponsored the interior decoration.

 

[Jadz]

In my case, I had to buy a 4 bedroom flat in a posh high rise apartment in gurgaon, before the girl's parents agreed for the marriage. To their credit, they sponsored the interior decoration.

Nowadays, the marriage contract has been transformed into a business one, whereby both parties make unreasonable demands upon one another. How can a marriage survive if it begins with materialistic expectations?

The emotional, spiritual and intellectual aspects of marriage are either ignored or abandoned, which is perhaps why many marriages breakdown.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

That is also a part of the culture. The guy's family gives gifts and its known as burri and the girl's family gives gifts and it is known as jahaiz. The problem comes when the guy's family starts demanding jahaiz or setting minimum acceptable monetary value for jahaiz.

I think that would be the difference between the subcontinent and ex-pats living abroad. I don't hear about such issues in the Pakistani community here, the only time I can recall was when an Indian lad getting married in India had his marriage proposal cancelled because his family was making too many demands of the bride's family over there. It was hard to believe because his family wasn't short of money here either, so it became quite a scandal when they got knocked back by the Indian based family.

 

[CricketCartoons]

Nowadays, the marriage contract has been transformed into a business one, whereby both parties make unreasonable demands upon one another. How can a marriage survive if it begins with materialistic expectations?

The emotional, spiritual and intellectual aspects of marriage are either ignored or abandoned, which is perhaps why many marriages breakdown.

I started with material expectations (wifey will be earning a lot very soon), so I am happy. Spirituality is not for me. Maybe when I go old and senile I will search for spirituality.

 

[Jadz]

I started with material expectations (wifey will be earning a lot very soon), so I am happy. Spirituality is not for me. Maybe when I go old and senile I will search for spirituality.

Maybe when you are old and senile it will be too late to search for spirituality, or anything else.

In any case, I wish you all the best in life. May you and your wife enjoy a peaceful, happy and light-filled marriage.

 

[KingKhanWC]

That is also a part of the culture. The guy's family gives gifts and its known as burri and the girl's family gives gifts and it is known as jahaiz. The problem comes when the guy's family starts demanding jahaiz or setting minimum acceptable monetary value for jahaiz.

I assume it's normally gold for the girl? Or does the guy have to dish out to the rest of the family too?

 

[Syed1]

I assume it's normally gold for the girl? Or does the guy have to dish out to the rest of the family too?

I think gold and dresses for the bride and clothes for the immediate family.

 

[waqar goraya]

I assume it's normally gold for the girl? Or does the guy have to dish out to the rest of the family too?

The demands depend upon groom's credentials as well. Some might settle for a bike, some for a car , while some other would fancy a house.

 

[Napa]

Dowry is a good system which gives wealth to the girl so that she maintains her independence after marriage. But it has been turned into an instrument of oppression by the groom's side taking it as their right, when it should only be meant for the girl.

Your profile is a bit of a mystery. You live in India but fly the Bangladeshi flag?

Technically I have a connection to the Bangladeshi flag too, as my ancestors were Bengali Hindus from Bangladesh.

 

[Napa]

Dowry was a means of the daughter getting a share of the inheritance, but it really got corrupted.

 

[Leo23]

the problem is that if you tell a girl's family that you don't want dowry they get offended

 

[kingusama92]

the problem is that if you tell a girl's family that you don't want dowry they get offended

Why?

 

[Leo23]

Why?

they feel as if you don't think they can manage it etc

 

[kingusama92]

they feel as if you don't think they can manage it etc

Makes sense.

The groom's side should do a better job of explaining themselves though.

 

[ExpressPacer]

Anyone who has family members or friends who got married recently know if dowry was given?

My sister recently got married and the grooms family didn't ask for a single thing.

My cousin also recently got married and he asked his bride to stay with her parents if she was going to bring any dowry. I guess its not that much of a thing in Upper MC anymore.

 

[Syed1]

My sister recently got married and the grooms family didn't ask for a single thing.

My cousin also recently got married and he asked his bride to stay with her parents if she was going to bring any dowry. I guess its not that much of a thing in Upper MC anymore.

Exactly... however, sometimes the brides fam want to give something just because "log kya kahiengaye" even if the groom's fam is totally ok with it.

 

[maxamax]

Well, I have spent more than half of my life and unable to marry due to the fact that I am not earning much. I don't know why dowry is being pointed as the only evil out there while unrealistic expectations of bride and her families are considered okay for society as their 'right'.

If you are marrying after seeing wealth, expect such inhumane dowry demand coming to you.