Saddest day of my life! Diagnosed with depression and anxiety

[Sher Khan]

Today I went to see the doctor and told him some of my symptoms I felt for years. The doctor said I’m definetly showing signs of severe depression and anxiety. I’m a young person, only 22. But feel like my life has collapsed in front of me.

My issues are mainly in relation to my parents. They are very religious and strict. I’m not allowed out anywhere. Not allowed to listen to music at home, nor do we own a TV. They also have parental controls on my computer so I can’t see girls I suppose. I do not want to live this life. I want to go out like all the other guys my age. I want to party and enjoy life.

Also I have issues, dealing with other people’s expectations, I’m slow in studies compared to my siblings and relatives. I’m the punching bag for them and they tease me a lot.

I know we have some medical practitioners on here as well as some other helpful people. I want to be clear I don’t want to take pills. As I believe I will become reliant on them, which will cause me more issues. I want to fight this naturally.

Are their tips or solutions you can suggest from me to fight these illnesses naturally??

 

[CricketDon]

I have mild depression and anxiety and currently on mood improvement pills. Things will get better. However it won’t come knocking. Be a man and stand up on your own two feet. I’d youre from the west then find a job save up and move ours live your life and enjoy it. Forget religion do what you believe in.

I tooncome from a strict Muslim background. I’m now living away studying at university with a girlfriend, I drink I go clubbing I enjoy life and I’m doing very well academically now. Only a year ago I had severe depression and anxiety. I’m the same age as you brother. Do what’s best for you

 

[CricketCartoons]

Start exercising or running at least. Blood circulation is important. I was on pills for years and discontinued, but part of my mind is blocked. Keep away from negative thoughts. Fill yourself with anger, even hatred if you must, instead of self pity. It helped me keep going.

 

[Madplayer]

The worst advice someone can give you is to go completely in an opposite direction and lose discipline in life.

Some things that i would suggest are :

1) Try talking to your family one final time. Sit down with your parents and tell them everything you feel. Tell them you need more freedom in life and that they need to trust you to take correct decisions. Tell them you feel exploited and like a punching bag.

2) If they arent willing to change their outlook. Just prepare to move out. Get a Job and move out of your house. Rent a place somewhere. Your family is mentally abusing you if they arent willing to give you concessions even after knowing about your condition. But now that you have been groomed to be a person who is low on confidence and suffering from depression, it is not advisable to be completely alone. Identify any friends or cousins or any family member who can sympathise with you and support you. Stay in touch with them mostly while you move out of your family home.

3) Don't lose sprituality or religion. If you are a muslim, you already have a foundation which can help you in coping with depression if you explore your religion on your own with a degree of freedom. In the long run, its better to hold on to a spritual belief system at least as a coping mechanism which provides hope.

4) Stay in touch with your doctor. Take counselling sessions regularly.

5) At a personal level, listen to talks given by people who have recovered from such conditions. Real life experiences would help you a lot in knowing that you arent alone and that you can overcome any obstacle. And yes, Hit the gym and lift heavy. Believe me, at a personal level, this should be at the TOP of your priority list.

 

[Sher Khan]

I have mild depression and anxiety and currently on mood improvement pills. Things will get better. However it won’t come knocking. Be a man and stand up on your own two feet. I’d youre from the west then find a job save up and move ours live your life and enjoy it. Forget religion do what you believe in.

I tooncome from a strict Muslim background. I’m now living away studying at university with a girlfriend, I drink I go clubbing I enjoy life and I’m doing very well academically now. Only a year ago I had severe depression and anxiety. I’m the same age as you brother. Do what’s best for you

Okay brother. Thanks for sharing. Now their is more to my story. I have a part time job, but my family member also works there. It’s not easy getting a job here.

Furthermore, one other thing I’m embarassed about is I had a lot of money saved. Around 10,000 dollars which is one million rupees. But I was in a “relationship” recently. I thought she loved me. She was very attractive, but it’s clear she used me. She took all of the money. I’m broke and regretful now. I ask her for help but she says get another job. She won’t give me money back. I spent on her all of it. Buying her designer stuff.

So practically I have no money and no hope.

 

[Dead Ball]

Try to attach your life to a well defined and realistic goal. If you're slow in studies, you can slot a couple of hours (or more depending on what course you're following) everyday to read and get better at it. Having a schedule helps tremdously to maintain good mental health. If you follow a strict schedule for a week, I promise you will see a difference.

Overall I think you should aim to take up a part time job, that is good enough to pay your rent. Save for a few months (or a year) and then move out.

Being independent will give you a lot of self respect and freedom as to what you want to pursue.

This is obviously harder said than done, but it would help to approach this as a challenge that will transform you into a dependable adult rather than an existential burden.

Also surround yourself with a few friends who motivate and inspire you - Identify the toxic ones and phase them out of your life.

Wish you the best...

 

[Pakistanian]

You're not alone bro, I'm around your age and have also had to deal with this. It's more common than people think. I feel like working out and just being organized helps put me in a good mood/state of mind.

 

[WhenSultansBowled]

Damn bro, sorry for your situation.

Download Opera browser, it has integrated VPN. You can browse whatever you want with that. Or search for websites like http://www.unbloock.com

You're an adult and your parents shouldn't treat you like a child!

Respect is always earned and never given. That one you have to figure out according to your situation!

If needed, break a couple of plates, throw some stuff around and show them that they must treat you like a grown man. (Not recommended tho, but it works).

Party and "enjoying life aka YOLO" is overrated. What you see in movies and video clips or what people boast about it is far from reality. I've been in my share of all night "botellones" and parties to attest that.

Your relatives can say that you are slow at studies but trades can also earn you very good living. If your critics are unable to realize that then I'm afraid they're stupid and you should smirk at their criticism and move on. One of my uncles who is a bona fide multimillionaire (€) can't write a complete sentence in English to save his life

You should never ever do something for other people's expectation. That's not a sane way to live.

I'm not a medical practitioner but that's my wholehearted advice.

Also start doing exercise. Build those biceps/triceps and chest. Run regularly, push ups and join a gym asap.

Good luck OP!

 

[Theo_14]

OP, can you clarify.... Are you feeling like this because your parents have imposed a restrictive life on you OR are do you think you may be feeling like this because your girlfriend betrayed you and as a result you are going through the heart break phase?

 

[marlonbrowndo]

Where do you live?

 

[Sher Khan]

Where do you live?

I live in Australia bro. I am 22. Live with my parents.

 

[Sher Khan]

OP, can you clarify.... Are you feeling like this because your parents have imposed a restrictive life on you OR are do you think you may be feeling like this because your girlfriend betrayed you and as a result you are going through the heart break phase?

Hi bro, not heart break phase. It’s because of my restrictive lifestyle. My ex just used my situation and used me out. I thought she was my support in life. I asked her for money, because I was short on paying for a bill my parents asked me to pay. But she flatly refused, despite the fact I’ve spent my entire life savings on her.

It was a combination of all these factors. But mainly my parents being strict on me.and people’s expectations of me.

 

[Romali_rotti]

I live in Australia bro. I am 22. Live with my parents.

There is hope for you, you live in Australia. When I first read your post, I thought you lived in Pakistan, if that was the case I didn't see your situation changing much. Good thing with living in Aus, is that you have lots of options, you are 22 years old, no longer need to be dependant on your parents, you can move out, move into a home with room mates, start socialising, be responsible don't ruin your life in the process.... Get out there, your parents don't get it, they have the backward thinking which is not designed for the country you live in or today's world.

Now the big question:

Are you man enough to do it ?

 

[Sher Khan]

The only thing in regards to moving out is what my relatives will do to my parents. They will maybe say to them that their son has drowned the izzat of the family. And give my parents hell all the time.

I still have some love for my parents. They raised me after all and provided for me. Want to stay well.

 

[Sher Khan]

My nickname at home is "lalu". Meaning stupid. It saddens me when even relatives younger than me call me that and mock me. It effects a person. I want to prove to people that I'm not a lalu.

 

[DRsohail]

being a doctor and been personally gone with attacks of depession i would auggeat you one thing please dont shy away from taking anti depressant , it jas gpt noyhing wrong and will make the quality of your lofe better, its just nonsense approach and thinking that you get habitual with these medications, one you are out of this then you can slowly taper it, amd of course seesions pf cognitive behavioral therpahy help plus you can make changes in life style as few of our posters sugges.Ia a professional dov and perosnlayu know the pain you are passing through, you will feel better in a week or two, dont qorry, and pleaae keep on running and excercising.

 

[DRsohail]

sorry for spell mistake,i was in a hurry but wanted to help you too, remmeber kne thing 90% of people in their life pass through depression so its ac common thing

 

[Sher Khan]

Thank you Dr sohail. I didn't know that figure. Maybe I will try the pills. See how it goes.

 

[DRsohail]

Thank you Dr sohail. I didn't know that figure. Maybe I will try the pills. See how it goes.

I felt the same wne i was daignosed with generalised anciety but pills did wonderfully well for me.

 

[ataullah]

The only thing in regards to moving out is what my relatives will do to my parents. They will maybe say to them that their son has drowned the izzat of the family. And give my parents hell all the time.

I still have some love for my parents. They raised me after all and provided for me. Want to stay well.

Brother may Allah SWT grant you Shifa. Life without family and moving away is the worst thing for depression. Also living a life to please yourself and displease others especially parents is also unthinkable for your current situation health wise. I feel the best thing for you is speak to a religious scholar/peer (genuine Allah fearing person) about your mistreatment as they are religious but mis treating you which is wiping away their good deeds. Also try to keep a balance in life. Try to pull yourself towards good deeds and company of good people.
May Allah SWT bless you always. Recite plenty of durood sharif which is anti depressant as well as Qur'an as much as you can even a verse. If you can't recite at least look at the Qur'an as looking at Qur'an is also ibadat.
Also a great option is visit Hakeem and get homeopathic treatment. No side effects for you

 

[Madplayer]

Brother may Allah SWT grant you Shifa. Life without family and moving away is the worst thing for depression. Also living a life to please yourself and displease others especially parents is also unthinkable for your current situation health wise. I feel the best thing for you is speak to a religious scholar/peer (genuine Allah fearing person) about your mistreatment as they are religious but mis treating you which is wiping away their good deeds. Also try to keep a balance in life. Try to pull yourself towards good deeds and company of good people.
May Allah SWT bless you always. Recite plenty of durood sharif which is anti depressant as well as Qur'an as much as you can even a verse. If you can't recite at least look at the Qur'an as looking at Qur'an is also ibadat.
Also a great option is visit Hakeem and get homeopathic treatment. No side effects for you

I dont trust any Mullah to guide him. It could even be dangerous for him. He just needs to find someone from his own family and friend circle who sympathises with him.

 

[PakPremi]

Brother may Allah SWT grant you Shifa. Life without family and moving away is the worst thing for depression. Also living a life to please yourself and displease others especially parents is also unthinkable for your current situation health wise. I feel the best thing for you is speak to a religious scholar/peer (genuine Allah fearing person) about your mistreatment as they are religious but mis treating you which is wiping away their good deeds. Also try to keep a balance in life. Try to pull yourself towards good deeds and company of good people.
May Allah SWT bless you always. Recite plenty of durood sharif which is anti depressant as well as Qur'an as much as you can even a verse. If you can't recite at least look at the Qur'an as looking at Qur'an is also ibadat.
Also a great option is visit Hakeem and get homeopathic treatment. No side effects for you

Very good advise exceptmaybe seeing a peer, perhaps a good Islamic Scholar instead One thing most childeren do not realise at the time of growing into full maturity is that for their parents the most precious thing is their cholderen, so they would always want the best for them. So if one's parents have been trying to raise on a strict environment and trying to keep you faithful to your religion is for your own good. I think you already have tasted how right they were by your relationship with your girlfriend. This western notion of good life being linked with drinking and clubbing and sex is falsehood and artificially joy. You will find there is more depression in western aocieties and more broken marriages. If you have not done well so far in education then it is no hindrance you can still work hard and prove everyone wrong and get qualified. Age is still with you. Alternatively as someone suggested earlier pick a trade that you may enjoy and train for it. You will have a purpose in life and all your thoughts would be consumed positively bringing up your career. Listen to corrupt music is also detrimental and listen to harmless and sweet music. Sports is also very good to remove depression. Try to fall in love with your faith as praying is very good for soul and it will also help improve your relationship with your parents and they will begin to trust you more. Helping your aging parents is a reward in itself and the only help they need from you is to see you make something of your life.

 

[IAJ]

I dont trust any Mullah to guide him. It could even be dangerous for him. He just needs to find someone from his own family and friend circle who sympathises with him.

That is quite an ignorant statement. I don't want to derail the thread but these types of generalizations need to be adressed.
There are many genuine good scholars in Western countries who understand culture from homeland and also how to live in West in 21st Century as they themselves are raised in these countries.

 

[IAJ]

Today I went to see the doctor and told him some of my symptoms I felt for years. The doctor said I’m definetly showing signs of severe depression and anxiety. I’m a young person, only 22. But feel like my life has collapsed in front of me.

My issues are mainly in relation to my parents. They are very religious and strict. I’m not allowed out anywhere. Not allowed to listen to music at home, nor do we own a TV. They also have parental controls on my computer so I can’t see girls I suppose. I do not want to live this life. I want to go out like all the other guys my age. I want to party and enjoy life.

Also I have issues, dealing with other people’s expectations, I’m slow in studies compared to my siblings and relatives. I’m the punching bag for them and they tease me a lot.

I know we have some medical practitioners on here as well as some other helpful people. I want to be clear I don’t want to take pills. As I believe I will become reliant on them, which will cause me more issues. I want to fight this naturally.

Are their tips or solutions you can suggest from me to fight these illnesses naturally??

May Allah SWT make it easy for you brother. If you have time please visit the the following web-page for where you can get help. They are mainly based in Canada but their scholars live in different countries and they have very balanced answers.

http://seekershub.org/ans-blog/tag/depression/

 

[Madplayer]

That is quite an ignorant statement. I don't want to derail the thread but these types of generalizations need to be adressed.
There are many genuine good scholars in Western countries who understand culture from homeland and also how to live in West in 21st Century as they themselves are raised in these countries.

I am really sorry if i came across as offensive. However, as far as trust is concerned, i would surely prefer he finds someone from his own family or friends. Finding a good Islamic scholar who is willing to help him is not easy.

 

[Romali_rotti]

The only thing in regards to moving out is what my relatives will do to my parents. They will maybe say to them that their son has drowned the izzat of the family. And give my parents hell all the time.

I still have some love for my parents. They raised me after all and provided for me. Want to stay well.

Well, it seems you much rather live other people's life than yours... Only you can help yourself, hope you see the light soon, all the best...

 

[jaf348]

Hi bro, are there any hobbies or activities outside of work and study that you could pick up with your parents approval? It helps when there are people close to you, not necessarily family or girls that you could open up to.

 

[jaf348]

Also, are your parents aware of your mental health issues that your doctor has diagnosed and what was their reaction to it? If they are not aware, then perhaps your doctor could be the middle man between you and them.

 

[ataullah]

I dont trust any Mullah to guide him. It could even be dangerous for him. He just needs to find someone from his own family and friend circle who sympathises with him.

By mullah i don't mean any but 1 trusted person which are referred to as mashaikh who stayed in the company of similar people. They're spiritual healers but very hard to find. In Pak an example is Shaykh zulfiqar naqshbandi.

Trusted family member is also great

 

[Sher Khan]

Also, are your parents aware of your mental health issues that your doctor has diagnosed and what was their reaction to it? If they are not aware, then perhaps your doctor could be the middle man between you and them.

Yes bro, their aware. This solution is calling up our pir who has prescribed us to recite surah an nas 22 times, surah al falaq 22 times, surah al ahad 22 times, ayatul kursi 22 times on a glass of water for 22 days.

 

[Sher Khan]

Hi bro, are there any hobbies or activities outside of work and study that you could pick up with your parents approval? It helps when there are people close to you, not necessarily family or girls that you could open up to.

They will allow me to go gym, but again their is that issue about girls being there. I would love to workout and make myself fit. I hope my parents let me go gym now.

 

[Sher Khan]

Brother may Allah SWT grant you Shifa. Life without family and moving away is the worst thing for depression. Also living a life to please yourself and displease others especially parents is also unthinkable for your current situation health wise. I feel the best thing for you is speak to a religious scholar/peer (genuine Allah fearing person) about your mistreatment as they are religious but mis treating you which is wiping away their good deeds. Also try to keep a balance in life. Try to pull yourself towards good deeds and company of good people.
May Allah SWT bless you always. Recite plenty of durood sharif which is anti depressant as well as Qur'an as much as you can even a verse. If you can't recite at least look at the Qur'an as looking at Qur'an is also ibadat.
Also a great option is visit Hakeem and get homeopathic treatment. No side effects for you

Thank you for supporting me brother.

 

[Halaribo]

I have a complete appreciation for your mental health issues.

However, I'm intrigued as to why you believe your restricted lifestyle is mostly to blame for your issues?

Had you adhered to the lifestyle, you wouldn't have got cleaned out by that female.

Considering this has happened, do you think you could handle a culture of illusion and the turmoils that come with it?

When you've enjoyed a party, enjoyed your "freedom", then what? Your depression and anxiety will still be there.

You are being fooled if you think that is the solution to your troubles.

Your issue seems to be one of self esteem and possible mental abuse you have received from your family. You should realise though that you need to find balance, an independence, but taking the good from what you have endured and taught to date.

I'm also perplexed as to why you think watching porn is going to the answer to your problems.

If anything, everything you have said leads me to think you're going to spiral out of control if left unadvised and unguided.

 

[Halaribo]

Yes bro, their aware. This solution is calling up our pir who has prescribed us to recite surah an nas 22 times, surah al falaq 22 times, surah al ahad 22 times, ayatul kursi 22 times on a glass of water for 22 days.

Mind you, this is not encouraging. I sympathise with you if your family is into pirs and stuff.

This will not help you. You first need reassurance and comfort, to be told that Allah is with you. When you then supplicate with raw emotion, you will feel the difference.

Doing the above is akin to "get rich quick" and "lose a stone in a week" shenanigans.

 

[Sher Khan]

I have a complete appreciation for your mental health issues.

However, I'm intrigued as to why you believe your restricted lifestyle is mostly to blame for your issues?

Had you adhered to the lifestyle, you wouldn't have got cleaned out by that female.

Considering this has happened, do you think you could handle a culture of illusion and the turmoils that come with it?

When you've enjoyed a party, enjoyed your "freedom", then what? Your depression and anxiety will still be there.

You are being fooled if you think that is the solution to your troubles.

Your issue seems to be one of self esteem and possible mental abuse you have received from your family. You should realise though that you need to find balance, an independence, but taking the good from what you have endured and taught to date.

I'm also perplexed as to why you think watching porn is going to the answer to your problems.

If anything, everything you have said leads me to think you're going to spiral out of control if left unadvised and unguided.

Appreciate your views. But don’t you think me becoming independent and more socially outgoing will improve my condition? I’m currently not allowed to even go out with friends. I’m in a room all day. It is depressing. The girlfriend thing was she was my first ever girlfriend and she is very attractive. I was doing everything possible to keep her. She ended up using me unfortunately.

Life is about lessons in my opinion. I have to go out there and live bro.

 

[Gabbar Singh]

You really need to get the issues with your parents sorted - it’s not normal or healthy behaviour from their part.

The next stage, if you don’t put your foot down now, is them expecting you to marry some random girl/family member from “back home”.

 

[Sher Khan]

Mind you, this is not encouraging. I sympathise with you if your family is into pirs and stuff.

This will not help you. You first need reassurance and comfort, to be told that Allah is with you. When you then supplicate with raw emotion, you will feel the difference.

Doing the above is akin to "get rich quick" and "lose a stone in a week" shenanigans.

I have been told once by my father that if I kissed this pirs feet. I would have a blessed life, this was when we went Pakistan. I don’t believe in this stuff bro. It confuses me. I want to be free.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

My nickname at home is "lalu". Meaning stupid. It saddens me when even relatives younger than me call me that and mock me. It effects a person. I want to prove to people that I'm not a lalu.

Move out. Family is great if they are supportive, but if they are too mean and strict, then you don't have to put up with it. Your story doesn't make a lot of sense to be honest, at first I assumed you had lived a sheltered life and maybe that is why you don't know how to act independently, then you say you had a girlfriend, so it can't have been that sheltered. Are you reliant on family more than you are saying? Maybe they provide you with economic and social support that you can't manage without if you leave home?

 

[Sher Khan]

You really need to get the issues with your parents sorted - it’s not normal or healthy behaviour from their part.

The next stage, if you don’t put your foot down now, is them expecting you to marry some random girl/family member from “back home”.

That’s decided already bro. It’s my mum’s niece back home. It was decided a long time back. Problem is she is exactly like my mum, the conservative type.

 

[Rayyman]

They will allow me to go gym, but again their is that issue about girls being there. I would love to workout and make myself fit. I hope my parents let me go gym now.

It's not easy to disobey your parents, but at some point in life you will have to do it.

You have to learn that you can't make everybody happy.

If you are bored at home then don't be at home. Do something outside. You will get yelled at for this but eventually they will give up and accept it.

For example, my little bro used to come home at 12 AM at night when he was like 14 years old. My parents had no idea where he was and he used to get yelled at like crazy. But eventually they gave up and now everything is fine.

You say you have money so going out shouldn't be an issue.

And yes, join a gym. Not many girls over there anyway and they aren't by the weights. It's mostly people over 30.

 

[Sher Khan]

Move out. Family is great if they are supportive, but if they are too mean and strict, then you don't have to put up with it. Your story doesn't make a lot of sense to be honest, at first I assumed you had lived a sheltered life and maybe that is why you don't know how to act independently, then you say you had a girlfriend, so it can't have been that sheltered. Are you reliant on family more than you are saying? Maybe they provide you with economic and social support that you can't manage without if you leave home?

To be honest, my life has been very sheltered. It is not hard to have a girlfriend at uni. My parents knew nothing. They can’t stop me from going campus. Luckily campus is one hour away from home. So I did masti at uni with my girlfriend. Their is a shopping centre just across, where I used to take her in the breaks.

 

[Amirforpresident]

I have been told once by my father that if I kissed this pirs feet. I would have a blessed life, this was when we went Pakistan. I don’t believe in this stuff bro. It confuses me. I want to be free.

Bro, NEVER do that. If that peer really wants to help you he will treat you like a human being/patient, but kissing ones feet looks like worshipping that person. Cant' believe your father would tell you to do something like that.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

To be honest, my life has been very sheltered. It is not hard to have a girlfriend at uni. My parents knew nothing. They can’t stop me from going campus. Luckily campus is one hour away from home. So I did masti at uni with my girlfriend. Their is a shopping centre just across, where I used to take her in the breaks.

You didn't say whether you rely on your family for economic or social support.

 

[Sher Khan]

You didn't say whether you rely on your family for economic or social support.

Sorry, so economic support yes bro. I only have a low paying part time job. So yes I live with my parents and their still providing for me. Social support? Not sure what you mean by that.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

Sorry, so economic support yes bro. I only have a low paying part time job. So yes I live with my parents and their still providing for me. Social support? Not sure what you mean by that.

I mean can you look after yourself, i.e. cooking meals, washing clothes, the sort of stuff that is often done by the women in Pakistani households. If your family is making you miserable, then I am trying to find out if you are capable of living away from them.

 

[Waseem]

Sorry, so economic support yes bro. I only have a low paying part time job. So yes I live with my parents and their still providing for me. Social support? Not sure what you mean by that.

Bro if you are in Melbourne, happy to meet you in person and have a chat?

One thing you need to remember is anxiety and depression is lot more common than you think and there are lots of things you can do so be active and do something about it.

Let me know if you are in Melbourne (happy to chat regardless).

 

[Sher Khan]

I mean can you look after yourself, i.e. cooking meals, washing clothes, the sort of stuff that is often done by the women in Pakistani households. If your family is making you miserable, then I am trying to find out if you are capable of living away from them.

Well, to be honest my mum does all that for me. But in regards to cooking, theirs always google bro.

 

[Sher Khan]

Bro if you are in Melbourne, happy to meet you in person and have a chat?

One thing you need to remember is anxiety and depression is lot more common than you think and there are lots of things you can do so be active and do something about it.

Let me know if you are in Melbourne (happy to chat regardless).

I live in Sydney bro. But thanks for the support.

 

[jaf348]

What would your parents reaction be to you moving out? Finish your studies, get a full time job and if possible move out.

 

[Markhor]

Firstly depression is more common than you think. As a pharmacist I check off hundreds of anti-depressant prescriptions every year from young and old patients. Even major historical figures suffered from depression like Winston Churchill.

Try the medication and see whether it has any effect - it does take a few weeks for it to reach optimal impact and you can be weaned off it once your condition improves.

There are non-medical therapies you can try such as mindfulness and CBT apps which you can download to your phone. Listening to podcasts, watching films or reading books is a good distractor too.

Keeping an active social life is important and you have to get your parents to compromise a little here for your sake. I suggest meeting your friends to have a meal, watch a film or do some other activity once a week to keep your mind occupied and lift your mood. The more you sit in your room isolated you won't get any better.

As for receiving insults from relatives - you should never accept that. Sometimes you need to fly off the handle a bit to let them know you won't tolerate any crap from anyone.

 

[Greenstorm]

They will allow me to go gym, but again their is that issue about girls being there. I would love to workout and make myself fit. I hope my parents let me go gym now.

You can workout at your home too but yes going to the gym and running outdoors is better. You need to be independent, move away from your family and fortunately you are living in a country where it is possible at a young age.

Also, day to day routine starts looking boring and meaningless after a while which usually results in depression. So set a goal for your life and plan the life ahead accordingly, in this way each and every moment of your life will become purposeful.

Watch motivational videos on Youtube whenever you feel like giving up, they may seem OTT but they helped me a lot.

 

[Thulsa]

Sorry to hear what you are going through - it reminds me very much of a colleague (from a very strict Muslim family) and her story, so far anyway, is a good one.

First and foremost the only way this ends well for you is recognising that this will only ever come from within, and anything else (medicine) is an aid but never a key enabler. Religion, podcasts etc are nothing but a crutch - you need a plan.

Get an internship - a way to ensure you are outside of your environment in a productive manner. As others have said being around others will help as well as giving you a potentially viable career path. If you are still in education, an extra curricular club - drama, volunteering (as long as it is outside your community circle) is another way to refocus.

As others have said exercise is a wonderful way to help your brain and body cope through a challenging time. You live outside of Pakistan and that gives you many more options so use them and have the courage to see them through.

It isn’t easy, I get that - it wasn’t easy for my colleague - 6 years later she is a junior partner at McKinsey and company - independent, with an incredible social circle and above all one heck of a character.

Best of luck

 

[PakLFC]

I think you need to compromise with your parents pleading to give you some space and privacy. Religion being forced on any one only makes the person run away from it. I gradually starting taking an interest in Islam, fortunately my parents never forced anything on me at all whilst growing up that was a major advantage. I suggest you go out and meet people that will give you confidence making you feel good about yourself. To much online activity or always being glued to the mobile also makes people feel depressed as well. At you age I spent most of my free time at my parents home even though I had just bought my own as well at the time. I only went to my own place at night time to sleep giving me crucial time to myself. Most parents don't understand that youngsters need time too themselves just to think things through or be by themselves or their friends alone. They fear that their kid's on their own are up to no good drinking or clubbing away which is mostly untrue. There seems to be a trust deficit in your relationship with your parents. You will only get good results in your exams if allowed to study at your own pace and in your own space. If you are Muslim I recommend some spiritual healing I undertook after the demise of my Mother many years back because depression I was told is a spiritual problem. At the time https://www.thedivineclinic.co.uk/ helped me greatly by by giving me some things to read.

 

[Abdul]

Move out and never look back again. Cut off all contact.

 

[troodon]

I had symptoms of anxiety, tingling in palms and feet, overwhelming feeling since 2016 January. I thought it was just my feeling and ignored it for 5 months.

Then I started experiencing irregular heartbeat and racing heart and skipped beats. That was scary. I thought I had some kind of heart disease. Began to worry even more and the symptoms kept growing too.

Visited cardiologist and he cleared me off everything. He said it is due to hypothyroidism I have. Went to my endocrinologist and he said the symptoms I had had nothing to do with the hypothyroidism as my numbers are well under control.

I thought everything will magically go away and waited for another 2 yrs. The symptoms never went away. All the time, I was reading internet and began myself diagnosing with severa diseases.

My cardiologist suggested me to take beta blocker for irregular heartbeat. I refused to take it as I was in denial that I had nothing.

Then almost an year ago, I visited an electrophysiologist and he looked at my history and told me that I had anxiety and depression issues. He said I need to accept it and start taking medication.

I started taking Metaprolol for irregular heartbeat and Lexopro for anxiety. My Pakistani doctor diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder.

My symptoms have gotten better, but it is still a struggle sometimes and I have accepted that I have to manage my anxiety and there is nothing I can do about it. It seems I had it for over 2 decades, but I never went to doctor to get it diagnosed.

10% of the population suffers from this. The symptoms vary from patient to patent. It’s not th end of the world.

Take medications, do yoga to relax and do not over think anything. Basically do not take life too seriously. My Indian cardiologist told me to do meditation, yoga and breathing ezcercizes. There is no magic pill to get rid of this. Relax and enjoy. I know it is easy to tell. But try your best to ignore people who give you anxiety. It’s best to stay away from triggers. Be it family members or relatives or fri nds or work related.

 

[Sirris]

I live in Australia bro. I am 22. Live with my parents.

Work to become financially independent from your parents and move out. You don't have to start earning $100k+ a year but just be able to afford your own cost of living and an accommodation.

As long as you are at their place you have very little option and are forced to oblige out of respect. Since they are super strict religious I don't believe they would encourage an open discussion about your view on life and be willing to compromise.

 

[Sirris]

Move out and never look back again. Cut off all contact.

I wouldn't encourage cutting off all contact. They should be made clear that you have you own view on how you want to live your life and if they are not able to cope with it then that's there issue to deal with, regardless I'd still keep the door open for them and it would be upon them to close it or keep it open.

 

[Sirris]

My nickname at home is "lalu". Meaning stupid. It saddens me when even relatives younger than me call me that and mock me. It effects a person. I want to prove to people that I'm not a lalu.

You need to openly tell your parents and relatives that such mockery is having an effect on you and they should stop bullying you. A serious talk with your parents on this matter. It's not a small issue. Perhaps some people are strong enough to be verbally mocked all the time and take in the humiliation however no one should expect you to do the same.

Your parents have set certain over the top boundaries at you now it's time to set your own boundaries and tell them name calling isn't appropriate from now on forward. If they want to talk in term of "izzat" then how come a young person can call out and mock an elder person without suffering consequence. Ok you are slow, now what? That's how Allah made you. So instead of mocking you they should pray to Allah to increase you mental strength. Show them the hadith of Prophet Muhammad where it is said a Muslim shouldn't hurt another Muslim with the tongue. Show them the hadith where he says fun should be such with doesn't hurt the sentiment of a fellow believer. It's time to tackle religion with religion. If that's the only language they understand then that's the language in which you are going to make them understand your needs.

Forget all the advice of moving out and what not. That should be the long-term goal. Forget partying and clubbing for now. Start with baby steps. Mount Everest isn't climbed without proper training or in a day.

First address this verbal abuse with your parents and have the talk as soon as possible. Get this issue under control and see how forthcoming and understanding they are. Show them that you are emotionally hurt and even let the tears out if it comes to that but have that honest talk. There behavior and attitude upon hearing you concern would also give you an idea of how "loving" and "caring" you parents really are and how much of your respect, love and loyalty they truly deserve.

Then I'd suggest try getting out more and doing more outdoor activities. Like hiking with friends, going to a cinema, playing billiard or going swimming. Plan a road trip through Australia. Whatever sounds fun to you. The point is first get your parents comfortable with the idea of you frequently indulging in many "halal" activities before you can even start to think of doing more of the "haram" ones.

 

[Sirris]

Thank you Dr sohail. I didn't know that figure. Maybe I will try the pills. See how it goes.

I would take the pills as a very last resort as a desperate solution when nothing works out. Pills arent's a magical cure. They might suppress the symptoms and up lift your mode however your problems will still remain. Hence first try raising some of the issues you are mentioning here with people who can actually do something about it: you own parents.

I don't believe you have had an open talk with them as much as you are having with us total strangers. Perhaps start talking to your mom about it. Mothers are always less scarier to talk to than dads.

 

[in_cutter]

Today I went to see the doctor and told him some of my symptoms I felt for years. The doctor said I’m definetly showing signs of severe depression and anxiety. I’m a young person, only 22. But feel like my life has collapsed in front of me.

My issues are mainly in relation to my parents. They are very religious and strict. I’m not allowed out anywhere. Not allowed to listen to music at home, nor do we own a TV. They also have parental controls on my computer so I can’t see girls I suppose. I do not want to live this life. I want to go out like all the other guys my age. I want to party and enjoy life.

Also I have issues, dealing with other people’s expectations, I’m slow in studies compared to my siblings and relatives. I’m the punching bag for them and they tease me a lot.

I know we have some medical practitioners on here as well as some other helpful people. I want to be clear I don’t want to take pills. As I believe I will become reliant on them, which will cause me more issues. I want to fight this naturally.

Are their tips or solutions you can suggest from me to fight these illnesses naturally??

Sorry to read this.

If your parents are causing you to be depressed, then they are doing a dis-service to Islam. This is not how it is supposed to be.

 

[Specialkid]

I think either youre so so innocent.i can't believe you have parental control lols. Or you just getting attention here. There 100s of way you can not let know your parents what you do and what not ?

This is not making sense to me..

I have anxiety and depression because my parents did not pay attentiin to me. I have finished through my bachelors in Canada.. I use depression and anxiety thingy to get extra time to write exam or extend assignments..

 

[Napa]

The only thing in regards to moving out is what my relatives will do to my parents. They will maybe say to them that their son has drowned the izzat of the family. And give my parents hell all the time.

I still have some love for my parents. They raised me after all and provided for me. Want to stay well.

You are 22 and are not happy with the way your parents treat you, you need to move out of your home. At the end of the day your parents want the best for you, and even if they don't know it, your moving out of your house will help you, and so it will be good for them. If you fail at life, that will be the hardest blow for them. Your relatives giving them hell is minor in comparison to the grief they will feel if they feel you have failed at life.

At this young age, it would be better if you tried to find a way that did not require medicines.

Australia is a great country. You have opportunities you would never have if you lived in more than half the countries of the world. Find yourself a career focus. You don't have to be a lawyer or a driver, you could be a bus driver. As long as you can provide for yourself and your family, that is all that is required. Challenge yourself to be better in whatever career you choose. Besides your career, cultivate some hobbies. Work out, get fit, go to the beach, have a beer with friends, enjoy the pleasures of life in moderation. Balance your work and pleasure. Find a girl who girl who appreciates you.

 

[DRsohail]

I think either youre so so innocent.i can't believe you have parental control lols. Or you just getting attention here. There 100s of way you can not let know your parents what you do and what not ?

This is not making sense to me..

I have anxiety and depression because my parents did not pay attentiin to me. I have finished through my bachelors in Canada.. I use depression and anxiety thingy to get extra time to write exam or extend assignments..

And parental guidance will help you coming out if it.

 

[ElRaja]

My issues are mainly in relation to my parents. They are very religious and strict. I’m not allowed out anywhere. Not allowed to listen to music at home, nor do we own a TV. They also have parental controls on my computer so I can’t see girls I suppose. I do not want to live this life. I want to go out like all the other guys my age. I want to party and enjoy life.

one of my closest mates has a very similar experience to you.

i told him straight, if you love and respect your parents you cannot let a situation in which you grow to resent them ferment.

always take advice from your parents, but if you believe what you are doing is not wrong, you should trust the way the parents raised you to be able to make decision for yourself.

theres a youtube video "big boys make their mommy cry", search it, its very useful.

Also I have issues, dealing with other people’s expectations, I’m slow in studies compared to my siblings and relatives. I’m the punching bag for them and they tease me a lot.

learn to live for yourself, people only rag on those who they know care about others perception. you should primarily be unhappy if you wish to achieve something academically and are failing, in which case you will have to work harder and longer, or experiment with learning techniques, if you dont care about academics specifically, you shouldn't care about others opinions about it.

I know we have some medical practitioners on here as well as some other helpful people. I want to be clear I don’t want to take pills. As I believe I will become reliant on them, which will cause me more issues. I want to fight this naturally.

Are their tips or solutions you can suggest from me to fight these illnesses naturally??

i agree with you, try to avoid pills as much as you can, you dont want to feel ok if it means not being who you are. as bad as it gets you need to know if yourself you are strong enough to take it, and use it to develop your own sensitivity towards others who may be dealing with these issues, ive found helping other people is cathartic in as much as it gives meaning and value to what you have been through if you can use it to help others.

 

[Savak]

I was diagnosed with depression in 2016 and with Aspergers Syndrome in 2017. And it all stemmed from the refusal of my parents to support my interest in a girl who could easily have been pursued via the arranged marriage route. There is tips or recommendations one can give because some people deal with it without medication, others just allow time to be a healer, you would know how severe your problem is.

Your only 22 right now, life is going to teach you a lot more things and expose you to a lot more challenges and you are not far off from being independent and your own man, you can choose to live the life you want. There comes a time when your parents get old over night, get sick over night and cannot micro manage you to the same extent anymore and want you to lead your own life.

 

[UP]

Havent read the thread. People make things complicated for themselves. Live a simple life and do your work in silence. Life is not that difficult if you know what you are doing. You need to think whats best for you. And dont look at other people for approval. I lost my mom at an early age and losing her made me stronger. I made some very bad decisions in her absence but as they say, what doesnt kills you, makes you stronger. Learn from your mistakes and move on in life.

I also went through an ugly pursuit after a girl who I loved unconditionally. Things fell apart between two parties. This is life - you win some, you lose some. Time is the best healer. I thought my life won’t be the same after losing my girl but I have been ok. I’m going to work and keeping myself busy. Obviously, I miss her - but you have to keep marching on.

 

[Sher Khan]

Thanks guys , I really appreciate everyone's suggestions and support.

 

[Loralai]

I had symptoms of anxiety, tingling in palms and feet, overwhelming feeling since 2016 January. I thought it was just my feeling and ignored it for 5 months.

Then I started experiencing irregular heartbeat and racing heart and skipped beats. That was scary. I thought I had some kind of heart disease. Began to worry even more and the symptoms kept growing too.

Visited cardiologist and he cleared me off everything. He said it is due to hypothyroidism I have. Went to my endocrinologist and he said the symptoms I had had nothing to do with the hypothyroidism as my numbers are well under control.

I thought everything will magically go away and waited for another 2 yrs. The symptoms never went away. All the time, I was reading internet and began myself diagnosing with severa diseases.

My cardiologist suggested me to take beta blocker for irregular heartbeat. I refused to take it as I was in denial that I had nothing.

Then almost an year ago, I visited an electrophysiologist and he looked at my history and told me that I had anxiety and depression issues. He said I need to accept it and start taking medication.

I started taking Metaprolol for irregular heartbeat and Lexopro for anxiety. My Pakistani doctor diagnosed me with generalized anxiety disorder.

My symptoms have gotten better, but it is still a struggle sometimes and I have accepted that I have to manage my anxiety and there is nothing I can do about it. It seems I had it for over 2 decades, but I never went to doctor to get it diagnosed.

10% of the population suffers from this. The symptoms vary from patient to patent. It’s not th end of the world.

Take medications, do yoga to relax and do not over think anything. Basically do not take life too seriously. My Indian cardiologist told me to do meditation, yoga and breathing ezcercizes. There is no magic pill to get rid of this. Relax and enjoy. I know it is easy to tell. But try your best to ignore people who give you anxiety. It’s best to stay away from triggers. Be it family members or relatives or fri nds or work related.

Respect to both you and OP for sharing your experiences. Please know that I know what it is like to suffer from these issues. I made a poor decision and by the time I realised it was too late. It isn't easy to recover from these situations - you have to be very resilient. You both have my best wishes.

 

[cricketworm]

This is not the saddest day of your life, it's actually a very good day of your life. Since you have gone to Dr. and talked about this, it makes a very good for you. Now it's time for recovery. Depression is treatable and there is lots of stigma attatched to it including usage of medications. Everyone's reaction is different when they start on medication but remember one thing that you must give it a chance. And once you do you have to continue for at least couple of months to have a proper effect of it.

When you say I will try medications, you must remember that you will be started on low dose and Dr. will ask you to follow up in certain weeks. Then Dr. will reassess. You must give at least couple of months to have an effect of medication, and even then you have to be very compliant. It's not like a normal pain killer medication that once you take it, next day you are pain free. These medications take time. And it helps.

You have to trust in medical science and give it a chance for at least 6 months, even after that there are many tweaks Dr. can make in class of medication and dosage of medication. Don't be afraid if you have to take more than one class.

Consider depression as another chronic condition, like high blood pressure. When Cardiologist may try more than one pill to bring down blood pressure. Trust in your physician and use medication to treat it.

And when your maintenance dose is achieved, you will see that you will have lots of mental strength to face all the difficulties you have been facing. With help of medicaiton you will have enough energy to take steps toward positivities. I can assure you that once you will be compliant to medications, come back to this thread in 6 months you will have different energy. The great thing about your situation is that you are very young and your physician and you have figured out that you need help.

 

[troodon]

Respect to both you and OP for sharing your experiences. Please know that I know what it is like to suffer from these issues. I made a poor decision and by the time I realised it was too late. It isn't easy to recover from these situations - you have to be very resilient. You both have my best wishes.

I wasted 3 years of my life when I could have started medication back in 2016 itself. It was extremely difficult for me to accept that I had anxiety and depression issues and that I had to take medication to get better along with meditation and Yoga.

Even though I am not 100% free of symptoms, I am doing much better than I was before. Relaxing is the most important part of recovery. I keep saying to myself that whatever bad comes in life is all temporary. I have no choice but to move on.

There is a Sanskrit saying - Gatham Gataha. Which means past is past. I have to forgive everyone who may have done harm to me. Make peace with everything. This is the only life we have and live it to the fullest without hurting anyone.

 

[KingKhanWC]

Okay brother. Thanks for sharing. Now their is more to my story. I have a part time job, but my family member also works there. It’s not easy getting a job here.

Furthermore, one other thing I’m embarassed about is I had a lot of money saved. Around 10,000 dollars which is one million rupees. But I was in a “relationship” recently. I thought she loved me. She was very attractive, but it’s clear she used me. She took all of the money. I’m broke and regretful now. I ask her for help but she says get another job. She won’t give me money back. I spent on her all of it. Buying her designer stuff.

So practically I have no money and no hope.

Your story doesn't add up, please clarify.

You wrote "My issues are mainly in relation to my parents. They are very religious and strict. I’m not allowed out anywhere. Not allowed to listen to music at home, nor do we own a TV. They also have parental controls on my computer so I can’t see girls I suppose."

You then say "Furthermore, one other thing I’m embarassed about is I had a lot of money saved. Around 10,000 dollars which is one million rupees. But I was in a “relationship” recently. "

How was it possible for you to have a girlfriend and be able to spend $10,000 on her if you aren't allowed out or even can't speak to girls on your computer?

 

[fawad_wellwisher]

My nickname at home is "lalu". Meaning stupid. It saddens me when even relatives younger than me call me that and mock me. It effects a person. I want to prove to people that I'm not a lalu.

Next time someone calls you with this name and disrespects you, let him/her have it. This is the only way people will stop.

1. Exercise
2. Meditate

This will give you the physical and mental strength to bring in positive change from within. Develop good habits and focus on your career with the goal of becoming financially independent. Once you get their you should have enough freedom to decide what you want to do and how you want to live your life.

But life on the other side isn't exactly perfect as you saw with the girl who cleaned you out.

 

[thelandofthebravepeople]

My nickname at home is "lalu". Meaning stupid. It saddens me when even relatives younger than me call me that and mock me. It effects a person. I want to prove to people that I'm not a lalu.

Next time someone calls you Lalu give them a tight slap they will never forget again. This will quickly put an end to it.

 

[RainMan_]

I m m still trying to figure out how on earth parents can use parental control feature on a 22 years old dude's personal computer.

I mean come on, that can't be real, right? Pretty sure it's not a serious thread. His story doesn't add up either.

 

[thelandofthebravepeople]

I think people have given some good advice.

I wonder how much your strict lifestyle has to do with your arranged marriage?

If your parents come to know that you have a girlfriend and you already arranged with someone else. Obviously they gonna be strict. Have you broken their trust? Since they are so strict.

Before you take the advice to move out and move on think about if you really want that. Think of your parents as well. From your post it looks like they are bad parents, but you always need both side of the story. If you know what I mean.

I hope for the best for you. Just remember things always gets better.

 

[thelandofthebravepeople]

I m m still trying to figure out how on earth parents can use parental control feature on a 22 years old dude's personal computer.

I mean come on, that can't be real, right? Pretty sure it's not a serious thread. His story doesn't add up either.

What is amazing is parents are so religious, traditional and still can control his PC better then Sher Khan bhai.

I learned wiping history in browser when I was 12

I want to know how they are controlling it

 

[Saj]

Best of luck mate.

Hang in there, better times will come.

 

[Sher Khan]

Best of luck mate.

Hang in there, better times will come.

Thanks Saj, means a lot from you. Hopefully life gets better.

 

[Sher Khan]

I m m still trying to figure out how on earth parents can use parental control feature on a 22 years old dude's personal computer.

I mean come on, that can't be real, right? Pretty sure it's not a serious thread. His story doesn't add up either.

Okay, so for example if i search something even remotely close to adult content. Their appears a dog and k9 web protection alert. Requiring a password and stating that adult content is restricted. It’s been like that since I was 14. My parents have told me they got my uncle an IT specialist to put it on.

Having said that I can still access social networking sites like Facebook, Instagram etc. where I talked with the girl. It is not possible for my parents to see what I talk about. Of course I delete my browsing history for it. But I use a browser and log out.

In regards to my ex, she is at my university. We hanged out together and talked on Facebook. My parents can’t come to my uni it’s an hour away from my house. I did it all in secret. But it cost me as I became very invested in her, and she used me up.

 

[Sher Khan]

I think people have given some good advice.

I wonder how much your strict lifestyle has to do with your arranged marriage?

If your parents come to know that you have a girlfriend and you already arranged with someone else. Obviously they gonna be strict. Have you broken their trust? Since they are so strict.

Before you take the advice to move out and move on think about if you really want that. Think of your parents as well. From your post it looks like they are bad parents, but you always need both side of the story. If you know what I mean.

I hope for the best for you. Just remember things always gets better.

Thanks brother. Yes, they don’t trust me. They think I’m modern. When I was in high school, one of my friends who is Pakistani mentioned to my parents that I talk about girls a lot in class.

He meant it 8n a lighthearted way. But my parents understood that their is no smoke without fire. It’s 9ne of the reasons why they put the dog web protection stuff on.