What social custom needs to be retired?

[TM Riddle]

ALWAYS respect elders no matter what. I find this extremely annoying.
Couple of weeks ago an Uncle of mine claimed Hinduism has all the answers pertaining to origin of cosmos and big bang and that the "Shastras" had correctly calculated the real of age of universe long before the white scientists came up with it.
I felt like banging my head to the wall but since he's my dad's age all I could do was to smile meekly and ask whether he needed more samosas.

 

[DeadBall]

ALWAYS respect elders no matter what. I find this extremely annoying.
Couple of weeks ago an Uncle of mine claimed Hinduism has all the answers pertaining to origin of cosmos and big bang and that the "Shastras" had correctly calculated the real of age of universe long before the white scientists came up with it.
I felt like banging my head to the wall but since he's my dad's age all I could do was to smile meekly and ask whether he needed more samosas.

I have (and still do) called out all of my elders/youngers on any such claims which are extracted from thin air and have no basis in logic or facts. The reason it is a custom is because it's allowed to continue.

 

[ManFan]

Cricket being a “gentleman’s game”. Nothing irks me more to my core.

 

[TQ89]

I have (and still do) called out all of my elders/youngers on any such claims which are extracted from thin air and have no basis in logic or facts. The reason it is a custom is because it's allowed to continue.

Very brave of you. Everytime i do so, i get skewered by everybody.

 

[TQ89]

On topic, I absolutely detest jahaiz

 

[TQ89]

Once i remember my uncles & my dad in typical desi style were talking about kaaba. Then the conversation shifted to how azan from kaaba could be heard by neil armstrong in the moon (which is a very common myth among muslims) & that he could see the kaaba from the moon.

I immediately opened google in front of them & found no quote by neil armstrong referencing the above two facts. In fact he had rejected such claims. To which i was told, tm ziada google aur wikipedia pe na rely na kia karo hr bt pe, woh to bnayi hi yahoodion ne he, unpe to sach nhi milta.

 

[cricketworm]

You lose respect for elders, when you find out they are characterless. Not when they are dumb.

I agree that lots of enlightenment is needed for many desi uncles and aunties. But to enlighten them, you need to be very careful for not hurting their sentiments.

 

[cricketworm]

Social custom for women to be treated differently(not allowing them to go to temple or cook food and stuff) while they are on periods need to die down completely.

 

[sensible-indian-fan]

Once i remember my uncles & my dad in typical desi style were talking about kaaba. Then the conversation shifted to how azan from kaaba could be heard by neil armstrong in the moon (which is a very common myth among muslims) & that he could see the kaaba from the moon.

I immediately opened google in front of them & found no quote by neil armstrong referencing the above two facts. In fact he had rejected such claims. To which i was told, tm ziada google aur wikipedia pe na rely na kia karo hr bt pe, woh to bnayi hi yahoodion ne he, unpe to sach nhi milta.

) ) )

Oh how i love such people.

 

[TM Riddle]

I have (and still do) called out all of my elders/youngers on any such claims which are extracted from thin air and have no basis in logic or facts. The reason it is a custom is because it's allowed to continue.

Pretty brave of you. In my area it's akin to blasphemy and can lead to family feuds.

 

[TM Riddle]

Social custom for women to be treated differently(not allowing them to go to temple or cook food and stuff) while they are on periods need to die down completely.

Doesn't seem to be happening in the urban areas anymore these days. Also disappearing fast from rural households as more and more people get educated.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

Handing out sweets when boys are born. Pretty embarrassing that this custom is still going in England, although now you are getting the odd one handing them out for a girl as well, but the whole thing just needs to die a death.

 

[DW44]

Arranged marriage.

 

[TM Riddle]

Handing out sweets when boys are born. Pretty embarrassing that this custom is still going in England, although now you are getting the odd one handing them out for a girl as well, but the whole thing just needs to die a death.

Indian or Pakistani community?
It's pretty common here in our countryside.

 

[TM Riddle]

Arranged marriage.

Surprisingly more and more young couples are moving away from it in the big cities here in India. Even in the tier two cities, it's usually the Love-cum-arranged one which seems to becoming a common thing.

 

[TQ89]

Handing out sweets when boys are born. Pretty embarrassing that this custom is still going in England, although now you are getting the odd one handing them out for a girl as well, but the whole thing just needs to die a death.

Bro in pakistan, we have become more advanced in celebrations. Now folks do"Hawai Firing" on such occasions

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

Indian or Pakistani community?
It's pretty common here in our countryside.

Pakistani, but I imagine it's similar in Indian community as well as that's where it originates from. Arranged marriage is dying out in UK too, dating apps and social media means girls and boys can pretty much arrange stuff themselves. I don't know what happens when things go wrong though. Do they arrange to pay their parents rent when they move back in?

 

[Angrez Pakistani]

Justification of domestic violence as a form of disciplinary action and it being the god given right to men.

 

[TM Riddle]

Pakistani, but I imagine it's similar in Indian community as well as that's where it originates from. Arranged marriage is dying out in UK too, dating apps and social media means girls and boys can pretty much arrange stuff themselves. I don't know what happens when things go wrong though. Do they arrange to pay their parents rent when they move back in?

Lol. Dunno how it works in England but here in India after a divorce between couples who had a love marriage (with parents against it and all) , guy's parents open-heartedly welcomes their son while it becomes pretty hard for the girl to integrate back in the traditional society (Unless she's a working woman).
Thankfully this is changing too although at a slower rate than I would have liked.

 

[TM Riddle]

Justification of domestic violence as a form of disciplinary action and it being the god given right to men.

1 out of 3 women in India are brainwashed to believe that their husbands have divine right to physically intimidate and abuse them.
I suspect the survey was carried out in the small towns and villages since this sort of mentality is confined only in those areas these days.

 

[Pakistanian]

Handing out sweets when boys are born. Pretty embarrassing that this custom is still going in England, although now you are getting the odd one handing them out for a girl as well, but the whole thing just needs to die a death.

Over here pakistanis do it for tgeir daughters too, I had no idea that its was a gender specific custom.

 

[sshakir411]

Calling anyone older than you bhai or uncle out of respect. People should interact with each other on a first name basis.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

Over here pakistanis do it for tgeir daughters too, I had no idea that its was a gender specific custom.

Well it definitely was, but probably dying out with the first generation. Seems totally inappropriate nowadays, so yeah they are handing them out for girls as well now.

 

[Pakistanian]

Calling anyone older than you bhai or uncle out of respect. People should interact with each other on a first name basis.

In the south we address people older than us as Sir or Mam and the younger kids as bud or miss. I think that's better.

 

[WhenSultansBowled]

ALWAYS respect elders no matter what. I find this extremely annoying.
Couple of weeks ago an Uncle of mine claimed Hinduism has all the answers pertaining to origin of cosmos and big bang and that the "Shastras" had correctly calculated the real of age of universe long before the white scientists came up with it.
I felt like banging my head to the wall but since he's my dad's age all I could do was to smile meekly and ask whether he needed more samosas.

If it's any consolation, the same thing happens to us Muslims as well. Apparently some 'maulana/mullah/fakeer' have answers for everything (Astaghfirullah).

Heck, once I was called kafir and all. Brought tear to my eyes. But as I grew up I learned to ignore these kind of discussions. Best strategy

 

[sshakir411]

In the south we address people older than us as Sir or Mam and the younger kids as bud or miss. I think that's better.

I like bud or miss...I occasionally call men Sir. I don't think it should be made mandatory like it is in our culture. I once had an Indian guy on our cricket team get really mad at me because I didn't call him Rizwan bhai...and I was the youngest on the team.

 

[cricketworm]

Doesn't seem to be happening in the urban areas anymore these days. Also disappearing fast from rural households as more and more people get educated.

My wife showed me a video on FB where a lady was asking around what they understand about period, only one guy and two other guys had an idea what was going on out of 30 ppl she interviewed.

One guy said, teacher 'skipped' this topic as it's embarrassing to discuss in class.

 

[cricketworm]

Horoscope matching pre marriage fixing.

It's **.

 

[Pakistanian]

I like bud or miss...I occasionally call men Sir. I don't think it should be made mandatory like it is in our culture. I once had an Indian guy on our cricket team get really mad at me because I didn't call him Rizwan bhai...and I was the youngest on the team.

Must've been fresh cause I don't think anyone here cares if you don't call them "bhai" lol.

 

[cricketworm]

Calling anyone older than you bhai or uncle out of respect. People should interact with each other on a first name basis.

I would at least say 'aap' instead of 'tum' or 'tu' when intersecting with a desi stranger even if that stranger looks younger than you. I mean not if you are 30 years old and dude is teenager. But I would respect stranger, may even say uncle or aunty. But when you often interact and stranger becomes known than you can dim down.

 

[cricketworm]

My wife calls my mother in law's friends, by first name while they are talking to each other. And I absolutely hate it. No matter how much you hate your relative, should never call them by first name even if you are talking to someone else.

 

[sshakir411]

I would at least say 'aap' instead of 'tum' or 'tu' when intersecting with a desi stranger even if that stranger looks younger than you. I mean not if you are 30 years old and dude is teenager. But I would respect stranger, may even say uncle or aunty. But when you often interact and stranger becomes known than you can dim down.

App works. Uncle and Aunty to older peeps who are 45+ is also fine...it's that mid range of people who are older than you but not by too much. I feel communication between two individuals is hampered if you start calling them bhai and worry about being respectful.

 

[cricketworm]

App works. Uncle and Aunty to older peeps who are 45+ is also fine...it's that mid range of people who are older than you but not by too much. I feel communication between two individuals is hampered if you start calling them bhai and worry about being respectful.

I guess it depends. Newly made friends are called by first name by my wife, and I kind of agree with her in a long run it helps strengthen relationship.

 

[sshakir411]

I guess it depends. Newly made friends are called by first name by my wife, and I kind of agree with her in a long run it helps strengthen relationship.

Agreed. It's the right way to go..if I'm your friend I want to feel like there's no barrier in between.

 

[TM Riddle]

If it's any consolation, the same thing happens to us Muslims as well. Apparently some 'maulana/mullah/fakeer' have answers for everything (Astaghfirullah).

Heck, once I was called kafir and all. Brought tear to my eyes. But as I grew up I learned to ignore these kind of discussions. Best strategy

I have had my fair share of confrontations as well but like you I mostly tend to ignore such arguments these days until the exaggeration becomes too much to swallow.

 

[TM Riddle]

Horoscope matching pre marriage fixing.

It's **.

Oh don't get me started on that.
I'm a mangalik while my girlfriend isn't. I can picture the horror and shock on the faces of my dad and grandma when I tell them about my plan to marry her. There's no way they are gonna grant me permission on the first instance. Emotional melodrama awaits!

 

[R3verse Swing]

Instilling the fallacy that more studies will result in more money and a better job.

 

[WhenSultansBowled]

Instilling the fallacy that more studies will result in more money and a better job.

Oh the classic (middle class around the world) fallacy. Very well said.

 

[cricketworm]

Oh don't get me started on that.
I'm a mangalik while my girlfriend isn't. I can picture the horror and shock on the faces of my dad and grandma when I tell them about my plan to marry her. There's no way they are gonna grant me permission on the first instance. Emotional melodrama awaits!

according to horoscope me and wife supposed to struggle to have a baby.

We didn't struggle at all, dude is here as soon as we planned.

 

[Pakistanian]

Do you guys think celibacy is outdated? Is it worth waiting for marriage and wasting your youth?

 

[TM Riddle]

according to horoscope me and wife supposed to struggle to have a baby.

We didn't struggle at all, dude is here as soon as we planned.

As per mine, I might suffer from a grievous injury or worse die if I marry a non mananglik person. What a load of crap.

 

[TM Riddle]

Do you guys think celibacy is outdated? Is it worth waiting for marriage and wasting your youth?

Who stays virgin till marriage these days?

 

[Suleiman]

Arranged marriage, don't know if someone has posted this already.

It's a huge sham.

 

[Arham_PakFan]

Respecting those older than you because they are ALWAYS right.

Never show any anger.Pent it all up inside you.

 

[KingKhanWC]

Do you guys think celibacy is outdated? Is it worth waiting for marriage and wasting your youth?

Why not just get married young?

 

[TM Riddle]

Why not just get married young?

Like how young? There are several factors at play when it comes to marriages.

 

[DeadBall]

Like how young? There are several factors at play when it comes to marriages.

Actually this seems like the perfect custom that needs retirement. It's just a legitimate way for hormonal "young" people to get laid and then regret it in most cases for the rest of their lives.

 

[TM Riddle]

Actually this seems like the perfect custom that needs retirement. It's just a legitimate way for hormonal "young" people to get laid and then regret it in most cases for the rest of their lives.

True. And while we are at it , legal consensual sex between two adults before marriage shouldn't be considered taboo anymore considering we are living in 21st century. Everyone has needs and with people opting out for education and career more and more thus getting married late, it seems perfectly reasonable to have pre marital relationships.

 

[KingKhanWC]

Like how young? There are several factors at play when it comes to marriages.

As young as you like when you have become an adult.

 

[TM Riddle]

As young as you like when you have become an adult.

Now that's a very vague definition bro.
Can't get married at 16 when the hormonal spurt is at peak.

 

[KingKhanWC]

Now that's a very vague definition bro.
Can't get married at 16 when the hormonal spurt is at peak.

In the UK you can get married at 16 with parental consent.

I see so many single mothers, clinics full for people getting tested for STD's, heartbroken people etc I guess these can happen within a marriage too but young people are ruining their lives trying to find 'love', it's only an emotion.

 

[Pakistanian]

Why not just get married young?

You need money and a stable livlihood for that lol.

 

[TM Riddle]

In the UK you can get married at 16 with parental consent.

I see so many single mothers, clinics full for people getting tested for STD's, heartbroken people etc I guess these can happen within a marriage too but young people are ruining their lives trying to find 'love', it's only an emotion.

That will only lead to increase in more no of divorces and domestic abuse.
You need to have a good career and settled job beforehand so that most things could be taken care of easily.

 

[DeadBall]

In the UK you can get married at 16 with parental consent.

I see so many single mothers, clinics full for people getting tested for STD's, heartbroken people etc I guess these can happen within a marriage too but young people are ruining their lives trying to find 'love', it's only an emotion.

So you never loved your mother? Was that just an emotion? Just asking since you seem to be an expert on "love".

 

[KingKhanWC]

You need money and a stable livlihood for that lol.

That's what parents are for.

That will only lead to increase in more no of divorces and domestic abuse.
You need to have a good career and settled job beforehand so that most things could be taken care of easily.

Sure your circumstances will dictate but some people dont have an issue when it comes to finances.

I think im trying to say, it's better than playing the field.

 

[KingKhanWC]

So you never loved your mother? Was that just an emotion? Just asking since you seem to be an expert on "love".

Yes I do and always will but it is an emotion ,what else it?

Some emotions last forever others a year, month or even a week.

 

[DeadBall]

Yes I do and always will but it is an emotion ,what else it?

Some emotions last forever others a year, month or even a week.

And who are you to decide how long their "emotions" would last? Anyway nvm, I just saw that you're still of the opinion that parents should provide for the livelihood when lust beckons. Not going to waste any more time arguing with you.

 

[KingKhanWC]

And who are you to decide how long their "emotions" would last? Anyway nvm, I just saw that you're still of the opinion that parents should provide for the livelihood when lust beckons. Not going to waste any more time arguing with you.

Im not and never said they would last for X amount of times.

I would appreciate it if you made this permanent.

 

[TM Riddle]

Yes I do and always will but it is an emotion ,what else it?

Some emotions last forever others a year, month or even a week.

Having faith in God has also it's roots in emotions

 

[KingKhanWC]

Having faith in God has also it's roots in emotions

Maybe for some but for me it was to find an answer to the biggest questions, why were are here etc.

 

[James]

I understand that older and more experienced people are often wiser, however sometimes older people are not very nice at all. Respect for elders being a given right, and not earned, is wrong IMO. Respect should always be earned on merit, no matter by whom.

 

[Adijazz1706]

So you never loved your mother? Was that just an emotion? Just asking since you seem to be an expert on "love".

Love is an emotion like anger guilt etc. Love for a mother and love for a gf are different just as anger at being teased by someone is different from anger at having a family member beaten up or killed.

 

[barah_admi]

ALWAYS respect elders no matter what. I find this extremely annoying.
Couple of weeks ago an Uncle of mine claimed Hinduism has all the answers pertaining to origin of cosmos and big bang and that the "Shastras" had correctly calculated the real of age of universe long before the white scientists came up with it.
I felt like banging my head to the wall but since he's my dad's age all I could do was to smile meekly and ask whether he needed more samosas.

If that's the scenario, just because he has a different point of view does not mean you have to disrespect him. Kindly disagree. It's very common in the UK to work with and study with people with all sorts of views and yet most of us get along because respect is an important part of society.

I believe India should retire the need for a Hindu wife to commit suicide via fire when her husband dies.

 

[TM Riddle]

If that's the scenario, just because he has a different point of view does not mean you have to disrespect him. Kindly disagree. It's very common in the UK to work with and study with people with all sorts of views and yet most of us get along because respect is an important part of society.

I believe India should retire the need for a Hindu wife to commit suicide via fire when her husband dies.

It's already banned in India with severe punishments prescribed for those who are found guilty. Even the family members who didn't directly take part in it but did nothing to stop it are liable to be prosecuted as well.
There has been no case of Sati in India in last 30 years.

Nice try though.

 

[aloo paratha]

The fact I have to listen to everything my siblings say. I can understand it for parents, but when my brother and sister tell me to do their things because they're too lazy, and I say no, I get scolded and told"Bara bhai baap ki tara hai"...

 

[aloo paratha]

This has been dying out slowly, but still happens, people believing that the wife in a relationship needs to be at least 5-10 years younger than the husband. That's just weird.

 

[aloo paratha]

Also, being able to stand up for yourself being regarded as being "taiz" and "besharam"

 

[Rayyman]

Also, being able to stand up for yourself being regarded as being "taiz" and "besharam"

Part of being able to stand up for yourself is not caring how others respond when you do so.

 

[Abdul]

Part of being able to stand up for yourself is not caring how others respond when you do so.

That's how everyone should be. Who cares if others think badly of you?

 

[Pakistanian]

This has been dying out slowly, but still happens, people believing that the wife in a relationship needs to be at least 5-10 years younger than the husband. That's just weird.

It is weird but i think a big reason for that is women generally marry men who can provide for them. Most 20 something guys don't have that kinda money unless they're pro athletes or something extraordinary, so by the time most guys are 30 most women their age are married. Maybe feminism will change that.

 

[jeetu]

Touching feet should go.

 

[saadibaba]

Shaking hands.

I see no point in it. Also, who knows where those hands have been, its unhygienic. A lot of guys have this habit of really squeezing your hand, I guess they want to show warmth or genuineness but it comes across as showing off strength and just overall machoism. I remember an elder cousin of mine really squeezing the life out of my hand, he must have had some inferiority complex. I like the Japanese style of greeting or better yet just a simple half hearted air salute would do.

 

[DW44]

Shaking hands.

I see no point in it. Also, who knows where those hands have been, its unhygienic. A lot of guys have this habit of really squeezing your hand, I guess they want to show warmth or genuineness but it comes across as showing off strength and just overall machoism. I remember an elder cousin of mine really squeezing the life out of my hand, he must have had some inferiority complex. I like the Japanese style of greeting or better yet just a simple half hearted air salute would do.

You would not fit in well in Pakistan at all. The usual way to greet people among friends, and even friends of friends, is to do an awkward half-hug followed by a handshake.

 

[saadibaba]

You would not fit in well in Pakistan at all. The usual way to greet people among friends, and even friends of friends, is to do an awkward half-hug followed by a handshake.

Yes, I remember those awkward half hugs that sometime would turn into even more awkward and suffocating bear hugs. Who made warm handshakes and hugs into a sign of being gregarious and hospitable anyways. A person can be equally warm and sociable without wanting to exchange their germs with others.

 

[Slog]

You would not fit in well in Pakistan at all. The usual way to greet people among friends, and even friends of friends, is to do an awkward half-hug followed by a handshake.

at this point most of the civilized world in all honesty...

 

[Pakistanian]

You would not fit in well in Pakistan at all. The usual way to greet people among friends, and even friends of friends, is to do an awkward half-hug followed by a handshake.

He wouldn't fit in America either lol.

 

[TM Riddle]

He wouldn't fit in America either lol.

Pretty sure he had been in America for close to around two decades now.

 

[saadibaba]

at this point most of the civilized world in all honesty...

He wouldn't fit in America either lol.

I fit in just fine. Everyone needs someone like me around them to make themselves feel more conventional and socially superior.

Pretty sure he had been in America for close to around two decades now.

You are beginning to sound like another poster who was stalking me at one point in time.

 

[TM Riddle]

I fit in just fine. Everyone needs someone like me around them to make themselves feel more conventional and socially superior.



You are beginning to sound like another poster who was stalking me at one point in time.

Haha You have mentioned it here a couple of times before. Remember the legendary Brit Pak vs US Pak thread?
I have a good memory is all.

 

[saadibaba]

Haha You have mentioned it here a couple of times before. Remember the legendary Brit Pak vs US Pak thread?
I have a good memory is all.

I see. You do have a good memory. Do you eat almonds everyday?

Come to think of it, I do end up divulging a lot of personal information in these threads. The keen PPers probably know more about me without knowing me than people who know me in person. Welcome to the society of the future!