How to find a girl to get married in Pakistan?

[cricketerB94]

Hi All, this thread is based on my personal experience that I am going through in my life.

I am a software engineer and I have been brought up in a little conservative family where it is always taught that you need to stay away from girls to look like a decent man. So that's why I have always stayed away from girls in my life.

But now, I am 26 and I want to get married but I don't know how to find a girl for myself. My family is also panicked at the moment because I am the elder son and they also don't have any clue about finding a girl. I certainly don't want them to go door to door and ask people about their daughters and neither do I want to go to the rishta aunties way.

I want to find a suitable girl for myself mostly on my own. But I don't know how should I do it. I am not socially linked with any girl who I can marry. I am not very active on social media. I don't know how the dating works in Pakistan. I don't know anything regarding how to find an out of family girl to get married.

I thought that I could share this issue on this platform and maybe I can get some useful suggestions from here.

 

[Savak]

You have to keep your options open and not reject any method but always be firm and confident and let everyone know that the final decision is yours.

You also have to be careful about how you ask others for inquiries and referrals to potential prospects because the manner in which you ask people for referrals and help will give them the impression whether you are desperate or not. The more desperate you appear to be, the crapier the prospects you get referred too as people with vested interests will look to take advantage of your desperation.

I utilized every possible avenue ie kept in touch with my school and university friends, kept attending community functions and events in Canada, stayed in touch with some of my Pakistani friends, registered on a few trust worthy matrimonial websites, remained open to the families and girls my parents, family suggested to me via the arranged marriage route, stayed in touch with my cousin, I even met a few girls for dinner in Canada. This way I was at one point in time in frequent touch with 30-40 girls and while nothing materialized, it put me in a good frame of mind that there are good prospects out there and if something didn't work out with one person, it wasn't the end of the world and there were plenty of fish in the sea. Abundance gives you some peace and security and also sends the message across to a girl and the family that you aren't desperate and don't lack options.

Ultimately what will happen is what the almighty has willed so no point in stressing too much. Be open minded because no matter how rigid you are about this, the way your life partner will enter your life will potentially be unexpected

 

[saeedhk]

This thread has good potential.

I think the best way is to go to Pakistan and ask your relatives to look around for girls. I am pretty sure you will have zero problems getting married if you have a foreign passport. In fact, you will get too many proposals once you set foot in Pakistan and announce that you are looking for a girl. Good luck!

 

[Giannis]

Where do you live? If you're in the west, there are many options for finding a girl on your own, however if you're in Pakistan I'd suggest the arranged marriage route since it's the safest and virtually the only option there for guys with a small male-only social network. Just tell your parents to ask their relatives and friends to let y'all know if there is a girl looking to get married. I'm not saying you have to marry relative but a friend of relative or something, at least that's how my cousins in Pakistan get married.

 

[UP]

Getting married in Pakistan is very easy. You shouldn’t face any problems. Ask your relatives for help and they will find you a dozen and you can pick any.

Pakistani community in North America on the other hand have a lot of nakhra. Its hard to get married in the West. There are thousands of things people look for. I got rejected today because of my education. Apparently the girl was a lot more educated than me. Mind you, I nor my family have ever met the girl or her family. It was a small profile I sent over WhatsApp to an aunt I know who knows a lot of people in the community. She said it was a funny reason

What I failed to grasp about rejection was the idea of education. The girl might have a bigger degree than me or might have done Masters in whatever field - but I can also read, write, research about any subject in the world and if I focus on it I can also ‘Master’ it. The girl’s family didn’t bother to meet in person but was quick ti reject.

What if the guy you find is equally educated but ends up screwing up your mental health and beats your up. What would you do with that education?

 

[Kaddy]

Getting married in Pakistan is very easy. You shouldn’t face any problems. Ask your relatives for help and they will find you a dozen and you can pick any.

Pakistani community in North America on the other hand have a lot of nakhra. Its hard to get married in the West. There are thousands of things people look for. I got rejected today because of my education. Apparently the girl was a lot more educated than me. Mind you, I nor my family have ever met the girl or her family. It was a small profile I sent over WhatsApp to an aunt I know who knows a lot of people in the community. She said it was a funny reason

What I failed to grasp about rejection was the idea of education. The girl might have a bigger degree than me or might have done Masters in whatever field - but I can also read, write, research about any subject in the world and if I focus on it I can also ‘Master’ it. The girl’s family didn’t bother to meet in person but was quick ti reject.

What if the guy you find is equally educated but ends up screwing up your mental health and beats your up. What would you do with that education?

Sorry bro, it's personal but may i ask what is your education and what are that girl's qualifications.

 

[Nostalgic]

That great Pakistani institution, the Rishtay Wali Auntie, can help, but more often than not, once she’s given you the runaround, you will be disgusted by the very prospect of ever getting married. This is actually their saving grace. Those of us who are already married will concur.

 

[cricketerB94]

You have to keep your options open and not reject any method but always be firm and confident and let everyone know that the final decision is yours.

You also have to be careful about how you ask others for inquiries and referrals to potential prospects because the manner in which you ask people for referrals and help will give them the impression whether you are desperate or not. The more desperate you appear to be, the crapier the prospects you get referred too as people with vested interests will look to take advantage of your desperation.

I utilized every possible avenue ie kept in touch with my school and university friends, kept attending community functions and events in Canada, stayed in touch with some of my Pakistani friends, registered on a few trust worthy matrimonial websites, remained open to the families and girls my parents, family suggested to me via the arranged marriage route, stayed in touch with my cousin, I even met a few girls for dinner in Canada. This way I was at one point in time in frequent touch with 30-40 girls and while nothing materialized, it put me in a good frame of mind that there are good prospects out there and if something didn't work out with one person, it wasn't the end of the world and there were plenty of fish in the sea. Abundance gives you some peace and security and also sends the message across to a girl and the family that you aren't desperate and don't lack options.

Ultimately what will happen is what the almighty has willed so no point in stressing too much. Be open minded because no matter how rigid you are about this, the way your life partner will enter your life will potentially be unexpected

Thank you for the suggestion Savak. I am just worried that it does not come to that point where I do not have any choice other than total arranged marriage where I do not know a single thing about the girl and she does not know a single thing about me.

 

[cricketerB94]

This thread has good potential.

I think the best way is to go to Pakistan and ask your relatives to look around for girls. I am pretty sure you will have zero problems getting married if you have a foreign passport. In fact, you will get too many proposals once you set foot in Pakistan and announce that you are looking for a girl. Good luck!

I am from Pakistan.

 

[cricketerB94]

Where do you live? If you're in the west, there are many options for finding a girl on your own, however if you're in Pakistan I'd suggest the arranged marriage route since it's the safest and virtually the only option there for guys with a small male-only social network. Just tell your parents to ask their relatives and friends to let y'all know if there is a girl looking to get married. I'm not saying you have to marry relative but a friend of relative or something, at least that's how my cousins in Pakistan get married.

I am from Pakistan. I do not want to use the arranged marriage route yet. It worries me that I'll have to spend my life with a girl who does not know a single thing about me before marriage and vice versa.

 

[cricketerB94]

Getting married in Pakistan is very easy. You shouldn’t face any problems. Ask your relatives for help and they will find you a dozen and you can pick any.

Pakistani community in North America on the other hand have a lot of nakhra. Its hard to get married in the West. There are thousands of things people look for. I got rejected today because of my education. Apparently the girl was a lot more educated than me. Mind you, I nor my family have ever met the girl or her family. It was a small profile I sent over WhatsApp to an aunt I know who knows a lot of people in the community. She said it was a funny reason

What I failed to grasp about rejection was the idea of education. The girl might have a bigger degree than me or might have done Masters in whatever field - but I can also read, write, research about any subject in the world and if I focus on it I can also ‘Master’ it. The girl’s family didn’t bother to meet in person but was quick ti reject.

What if the guy you find is equally educated but ends up screwing up your mental health and beats your up. What would you do with that education?

My relatives have suggested a lot of girls in their circles and I have got a couple of proposals s well but most of them do not appeal me. That is why I think that I need to find someone on my own.

 

[cricketerB94]

That great Pakistani institution, the Rishtay Wali Auntie, can help, but more often than not, once she’s given you the runaround, you will be disgusted by the very prospect of ever getting married. This is actually their saving grace. Those of us who are already married will concur.

Yes, I have a little idea about it. That's why I do not want to go to this route yet. This can be the last resort though.

 

[saeedhk]

I am from Pakistan.

Oh I see. Then it is challenging to get married. Most families in Pakistan looking for foreign passport holder groom.


Your best bet would be to tell your relatives and friends that you are looking for a girl.

 

[Savak]

Thank you for the suggestion Savak. I am just worried that it does not come to that point where I do not have any choice other than total arranged marriage where I do not know a single thing about the girl and she does not know a single thing about me.

I met my wife for the very first time on the day of my Nikkah and the funny thing is that I was only shown two pics of her before that and in the pic you had two girls who were both very good looking so I didn't even know who the girl was in question.

Marriages have failed and turned out to unhappy, miserable even when both the guy and the girl knew each other, it's always better for the guy and the girl to know each other but it doesn't necessarily mean a successful relationship and marriage. On the other hand, yes not knowing someone at all does sound risky but it can actually also be good in the sense that you can enter into the relationship with a very open mind with zero expectations and can live for the moment, take things as they come.

There is no point in buying a brand new luxury vehicle that you adore if you are scared to take it out in the road under the fear it will get scratched, tainted.

Just accept the fact that the girl herself is human with flaws, frailty just like you but if both of you are prepared to accept each other with your respective flaws and imperfections life and living together becomes simpler.

 

[Savak]

Oh I see. Then it is challenging to get married. Most families in Pakistan looking for foreign passport holder groom.


Your best bet would be to tell your relatives and friends that you are looking for a girl.

This is a myth. Pakistani girls are more independent than they used to be 20-30 years ago. In fact some girls don't want to go abroad for various reasons ie dislike for the lifestyle in the West, not wanting to live far from their parents.

The girls parents too can refuse rishtas because they don't want their daughter to live far away from them. A passport in this scenario can hurt you badly and I have experienced the pain because there was an attractive girl I was interested in but this turned out to be a deal breaker

 

[Savak]

The thought behind matrimonial websites, rishta aunties being taboo and to be avoided needs to be reexamined. You will find extremely happy, envious marriages where the girl and guy connected via this route.

You will obviously still do your due diligence and background checks and not enter into something blindly. In fact you will find plenty of single girls searching for someone and it works a bit like Tinder

People assume things that the people on those platforms are desperate and don't have any options but the reality is that people who are busy with their jobs or business do not have the time to devote all their energies to finding someone for themselves 24/7 hence they use the platform as another vehicle. Besides you have the power to reject or take things forward with a prospect

Bottom line my advice is be open minded about all avenues and trust me life can surprise you pleasantly and unexpectedly

 

[Pakpak]

I met my wife for the very first time on the day of my Nikkah and the funny thing is that I was only shown two pics of her before that and in the pic you had two girls who were both very good looking so I didn't even know who the girl was in question.

Marriages have failed and turned out to unhappy, miserable even when both the guy and the girl knew each other, it's always better for the guy and the girl to know each other but it doesn't necessarily mean a successful relationship and marriage. On the other hand, yes not knowing someone at all does sound risky but it can actually also be good in the sense that you can enter into the relationship with a very open mind with zero expectations and can live for the moment, take things as they come.

There is no point in buying a brand new luxury vehicle that you adore if you are scared to take it out in the road under the fear it will get scratched, tainted.

Just accept the fact that the girl herself is human with flaws, frailty just like you but if both of you are prepared to accept each other with your respective flaws and imperfections life and living together becomes simpler.

Goddamn man you've changed into a very different guy. Good on you.

 

[Savak]

Getting married in Pakistan is very easy. You shouldn’t face any problems. Ask your relatives for help and they will find you a dozen and you can pick any.

Pakistani community in North America on the other hand have a lot of nakhra. Its hard to get married in the West. There are thousands of things people look for. I got rejected today because of my education. Apparently the girl was a lot more educated than me. Mind you, I nor my family have ever met the girl or her family. It was a small profile I sent over WhatsApp to an aunt I know who knows a lot of people in the community. She said it was a funny reason

What I failed to grasp about rejection was the idea of education. The girl might have a bigger degree than me or might have done Masters in whatever field - but I can also read, write, research about any subject in the world and if I focus on it I can also ‘Master’ it. The girl’s family didn’t bother to meet in person but was quick ti reject.

What if the guy you find is equally educated but ends up screwing up your mental health and beats your up. What would you do with that education?

I have been been rejected for many reasons ie Bacha doctor nahin hai, larka Punjabi chinioti yah rajput nahin hai, boy doesn't live in Lahore, Pakistan, Bacha angrezi kuch zyada hi acha bolta hai, larke kee umar kuch zyada hi hai aur ab nikal chuki hai, larka apne maa baap ke Saath rehta hai, larke ke maan baap bimaar hain, larke kee bhein kee shaadi abhi tak nahin hui humari beti se shaadi karne ke baad in logoan ko bhein ki bhi zimidari uthani pare gee.

Our society is so evil and ********

 

[Savak]

Goddamn man you've changed into a very different guy. Good on you.

Lol, you are now speaking to a guy who is no longer hounded in family, social functions for still being single, mature aged and after ten years of hearing that you have aged out, your prospects are very bleak and you have to compromise big time now, the look and feeling from your relatives and friends "lucky sob did get lucky and score in the end" is priceless

I credit my wife too. No matter how old, mature you, wise and experienced you are in comparison to her, she will always keep you grounded. The biggest thing we both have in common is love and respect for our parents, elders. My FIL and MIL are only 2-3 years older than me

 

[Stewie]

Times like these make you wish there was a Pakistani and more successful version of Sima Aunty .. ROFL!


BHAI GOOD LUCK TO YOU. this is going to be one the most awkward and challenging phase of your life. As someone living outside Pakistan, I went through this myself. Luckily I had my family in Pakistan. It was still not easy as there is a certain "stigma" or "suspicion" attached to our types (men living overseas)

I remember I was told the biggest challenge is they think most pakistani men marry in foreign countries to get passports or they are already married and looking for a second wife to keep in pakistan.
that most of us are liars and cheats.
Most parents of potential matches want to meet you in person right away which is difficult if you study/work abroad, you simply cannot book a ticket and fly over for a week... it just doesnt happen that way.
They want references, and still usually they are not satisfied even if you can provide good solid character certificates.

This was my experience... Then there are a few other types, and I dont mean to disparage them, but there are people who just dont care and want their daughter to end up in the USA. They are usually not very well off, have a lot of daughters or are overly ambitious for their daughters and feel its worth taking the risk.

I was thankfully gainfully employed and well educated so on one of my trips, I happened to find a good match thanks to my parents. I was also able to provide proof of education/employment and whatnot and i think its fair for parents of daughters to ask for that sort of documentation if they are willing to take a chance like this. There are some horror stories how men (and women) living abroad have lied about their situations. some of them are pretty sad, indeed.

 

[Bigboii]

Getting married in Pakistan is very easy. You shouldn’t face any problems. Ask your relatives for help and they will find you a dozen and you can pick any.

Pakistani community in North America on the other hand have a lot of nakhra. Its hard to get married in the West. There are thousands of things people look for. I got rejected today because of my education. Apparently the girl was a lot more educated than me. Mind you, I nor my family have ever met the girl or her family. It was a small profile I sent over WhatsApp to an aunt I know who knows a lot of people in the community. She said it was a funny reason

What I failed to grasp about rejection was the idea of education. The girl might have a bigger degree than me or might have done Masters in whatever field - but I can also read, write, research about any subject in the world and if I focus on it I can also ‘Master’ it. The girl’s family didn’t bother to meet in person but was quick ti reject.

What if the guy you find is equally educated but ends up screwing up your mental health and beats your up. What would you do with that education?

Yes God finally someone talking some facts!!!

Like it is so much easier to be in an relationship with someone from rest of the races there's no qualms or nakhra (cause most of the time you'll be more successful than them) so it's not a North American girl problem

It's specifically bad with north american desi girls

They want you to have a house, be brad pitt, (but even if you are bratt pitt you can't ask for her to be decent) have a PhD because she has masters and on top they want you to be next in line for the CEO preferably you're the CEO

I am just saying go to Pakistan (btw no nakhra, level-headed and often time better looking than wannabe Kim Kardashian's) but for cons I think they never feel American and always looking to go to Pakistan (which is totally fair but it costs money, paid leave and no one likes to be without thier spouse for months on end (and if you're with her say goodbye to your job)), there's an adjustment period where they need time to adjust to the new life in a different country

or you can marry a latina and raise your kids on salsa music... Choice is yours!

 

[Stewie]

Yes God finally someone talking some facts!!!

Like it is so much easier to be in an relationship with someone from rest of the races there's no qualms or nakhra (cause most of the time you'll be more successful than them) so it's not a North American girl problem

It's specifically bad with north american desi girls

They want you to have a house, be brad pitt, (but even if you are bratt pitt you can't ask for her to be decent) have a PhD because she has masters and on top they want you to be next in line for the CEO preferably you're the CEO

I am just saying go to Pakistan (btw no nakhra, level-headed and often time better looking than wannabe Kim Kardashian's) but for cons I think they never feel American and always looking to go to Pakistan (which is totally fair but it costs money, paid leave and no one likes to be without thier spouse for months on end (and if you're with her say goodbye to your job)), there's an adjustment period where they need time to adjust to the new life in a different country

or you can marry a latina and raise your kids on salsa music... Choice is yours!

I have had a different experience (quite possibly due to the state and city I lived in at the time, which is a big metropolitan city). There were tons of pakistani families and i used to get a number of interested parties asking for my marital status. I just chose to go by my parents choice and pick a girl for me in pakistan but I dont envision I would have had that problem in the USA. But I can see where you are coming from. In most of the smaller cities in certain states, where highly qualified Pakistanis live and make their living as doctors/engineers, etc, their daughters are also highly educated and have all the "nakhra" but in larger cities where you can find all kinds of people (business owners, blue collar workers, highly educated and not so highly educated, etc) this is not such big of a problem.

A friend of mine got married to a girl whose family was not extremely rich but she was college educated. they did not have any high demands and neither did my friend, he just wanted the girl to bring the clothes on her back and it worked out pretty well.

 

[saeedhk]

This is a myth. Pakistani girls are more independent than they used to be 20-30 years ago. In fact some girls don't want to go abroad for various reasons ie dislike for the lifestyle in the West, not wanting to live far from their parents.

The girls parents too can refuse rishtas because they don't want their daughter to live far away from them. A passport in this scenario can hurt you badly and I have experienced the pain because there was an attractive girl I was interested in but this turned out to be a deal breaker

Nope. That maybe true for the elite class. Certainly, not the rest of the 99% of Pakistanis.

 

[saeedhk]

Lol, you are now speaking to a guy who is no longer hounded in family, social functions for still being single, mature aged and after ten years of hearing that you have aged out, your prospects are very bleak and you have to compromise big time now, the look and feeling from your relatives and friends "lucky sob did get lucky and score in the end" is priceless

I credit my wife too. No matter how old, mature you, wise and experienced you are in comparison to her, she will always keep you grounded. The biggest thing we both have in common is love and respect for our parents, elders. My FIL and MIL are only 2-3 years older than me

Only 2-3 years!!! Wow!!Damn Savak bhai!

 

[Kaddy]

I have been been rejected for many reasons ie Bacha doctor nahin hai, larka Punjabi chinioti yah rajput nahin hai, boy doesn't live in Lahore, Pakistan, Bacha angrezi kuch zyada hi acha bolta hai, larke kee umar kuch zyada hi hai aur ab nikal chuki hai, larka apne maa baap ke Saath rehta hai, larke ke maan baap bimaar hain, larke kee bhein kee shaadi abhi tak nahin hui humari beti se shaadi karne ke baad in logoan ko bhein ki bhi zimidari uthani pare gee.

Our society is so evil and ********

Very sad. May I ask how old you were when you got married.

 

[HappyWarsFan]

Damn, this thread is scaring me. I'm a 19 year old in Canada (been here all my life) and studying to be a chartered accountant at the moment. If it's really that hard to find North american girls that's sad... But anyways I'm not anywhere near marriage age so won't worry about it too much.

OP, good luck in finding your love.

 

[Savak]

Lol, I had to submit my CV, my LinkedIn profile and a website link to the accounting firm i was working for to my wife's family, uncles and relatives. Even before i came to Pakistan, her nana, dada, aunt had contacted me and were routinely talking to me.

Tbh i don't blame them, its a big decision and for daughters you have to be ten times careful to know not only how the guy is but also his family.

 

[Savak]

I have had a different experience (quite possibly due to the state and city I lived in at the time, which is a big metropolitan city). There were tons of pakistani families and i used to get a number of interested parties asking for my marital status. I just chose to go by my parents choice and pick a girl for me in pakistan but I dont envision I would have had that problem in the USA. But I can see where you are coming from. In most of the smaller cities in certain states, where highly qualified Pakistanis live and make their living as doctors/engineers, etc, their daughters are also highly educated and have all the "nakhra" but in larger cities where you can find all kinds of people (business owners, blue collar workers, highly educated and not so highly educated, etc) this is not such big of a problem.

A friend of mine got married to a girl whose family was not extremely rich but she was college educated. they did not have any high demands and neither did my friend, he just wanted the girl to bring the clothes on her back and it worked out pretty well.

These highly qualified, educated girls who show tantrums and nakhras with regards to their demands from Pakistani guys pay a price later on because age is an even bigger challenge for the girl and then they wake up to the reality that their choices have shrunk and they have to compromise on the guys job, qualifications. I met a lot of high educated, some even professionally well established Pakistani girls and they have narrated their stories to me. One girl complained about being under pressure from her family to get married and how she was struggling to find a guy who met her standards and then when it turned out that her salary was greater than mine by $30,000, her impression of me went down drastically and her subsequent conversations and tone with me were very judgmental and I refused to stay in touch with her after that.

 

[Savak]

Damn, this thread is scaring me. I'm a 19 year old in Canada (been here all my life) and studying to be a chartered accountant at the moment. If it's really that hard to find North american girls that's sad... But anyways I'm not anywhere near marriage age so won't worry about it too much.

OP, good luck in finding your love.

Lol, you are in good hands and everything should work out perfectly alright. Its much harder to move to a new country at a later age and start from scratch because if you are at a mature age and starting afresh in your professional field, you get preyed on by the crowd who are desperate to get their over aged daughters, female relatives married off to an older guy as well.

 

[uberkoen]

Lol, you are now speaking to a guy who is no longer hounded in family, social functions for still being single, mature aged and after ten years of hearing that you have aged out, your prospects are very bleak and you have to compromise big time now, the look and feeling from your relatives and friends "lucky sob did get lucky and score in the end" is priceless

I credit my wife too. No matter how old, mature you, wise and experienced you are in comparison to her, she will always keep you grounded. The biggest thing we both have in common is love and respect for our parents, elders. My FIL and MIL are only 2-3 years older than me ����

I feel extremely sorry for the poor girl to be honest. Someday when you have a daughter you will understand how wrong this is.

 

[Bigboii]

I feel extremely sorry for the poor girl to be honest. Someday when you have a daughter you will understand how wrong this is.

Why is it wrong? are you serious man!
If an adult consented to the marriage and by all accounts its happy marriage
Why the hell is it wrong

You know who is the poor girl who get beat up by her husband on a daily basis,
a poor girl is someone whose husband is cheating on her
a poor girl is someone who is married to a gambling addict
a poor girl is someone who is married to a drug addict

A lucky girl and man is someone who is living a happy life where they both respect each other and try to adjust and change each other so they become better human beings

And it has nothing to do with age, income, color, cast

 

[Savak]

Why is it wrong? are you serious man!
If an adult consented to the marriage and by all accounts its happy marriage
Why the hell is it wrong

You know who is the poor girl who get beat up by her husband on a daily basis,
a poor girl is someone whose husband is cheating on her
a poor girl is someone who is married to a gambling addict
a poor girl is someone who is married to a drug addict

A lucky girl and man is someone who is living a happy life where they both respect each other and try to adjust and change each other so they become better human beings

And it has nothing to do with age, income, color, cast

Lol, no one had any objections when Jemima at 21 married IK at 43, when Shoaib Akhtar at 39 married a girl 20 years old, why am i being singled out for marrying a 19 year old girl at 34?

 

[sweep_shot]

You can give Muslima.com a try. It is primarily for finding a Muslim/Muslimah partner.

Also, some mosques have marriage services I believe. Contact with mosques.

 

[kaayal]

Lol, no one had any objections when Jemima at 21 married IK at 43, when Shoaib Akhtar at 39 married a girl 20 years old, why am i being singled out for marrying a 19 year old girl at 34?

Tbh, when you yourself brag about it especially with the age of your MIL and FIL, it sounds really creepy.

But keeping that aside, i am glad that you finally got settled down with someone you love. May Allah shower his blessings on you two.

 

[Zeshan547]

This thread is real fun, and to add a little bit of my experience, i am single child and was in second year of Uni when suddenly my dad told me son next Friday you are getting married, i had just broke up with my childhood love and cousin who got engaged and was like who cares, and thankfully all turned out well, even though I saw her first time ever on my wedding night, and alhamdulilah she is good in both beauty and character and I may not have found anyone better even in love marriage. I got married at 19 became father at 20 and now i am 27, and still my most batch fellows are bachelors. Sometimes just leaving it to destiny is the best option, and most people around me say that you are ten years ahead on your life stage as compared to most people. There are both pros amd and cons of early marriage but now i have no regrets. [MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] so I am kinda your anti thesis bro. But hope aap dair aaey drust aaey.

 

[sweep_shot]

This thread is real fun, and to add a little bit of my experience, i am single child and was in second year of Uni when suddenly my dad told me son next Friday you are getting married, i had just broke up with my childhood love and cousin who got engaged and was like who cares, and thankfully all turned out well, even though I saw her first time ever on my wedding night, and alhamdulilah she is good in both beauty and character and I may not have found anyone better even in love marriage. I got married at 19 became father at 20 and now i am 27, and still my most batch fellows are bachelors. Sometimes just leaving it to destiny is the best option, and most people around me say that you are ten years ahead on your life stage as compared to most people. There are both pros amd and cons of early marriage but now i have no regrets. [MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] so I am kinda your anti thesis bro. But hope aap dair aaey drust aaey.

Good post. Marriage is something that is a bit like lottery. Overthinking can make things tricky.

I am 30 and I am yet to be married. I think early marriage is good because you generally have more energy and tolerance. Also, you have more options when you are younger.

 

[Pakpak]

Lol, no one had any objections when Jemima at 21 married IK at 43, when Shoaib Akhtar at 39 married a girl 20 years old, why am i being singled out for marrying a 19 year old girl at 34?

I mean this sincerely that I wish you well and I hope you have a great married life.

How do you handle the differences in maturity? I changed careers so I had to go to University in my late 20s again and the difference in the way in which people in my age group behaved, talk and act was massive with the 18 and 19 year olds. My wife is a year or so older than me the way she talked or behaved or carried herself was a different universe to the 18 19 even 20 year olds. I am ofcourse not calling your spouse immature as every person is different but surely the big age gap, the way you see things must have been an issue at some point?

This isn't meant to be an insult by any means as its your personal life, but I was just curious.

 

[Kaddy]

Lol, no one had any objections when Jemima at 21 married IK at 43, when Shoaib Akhtar at 39 married a girl 20 years old, why am i being singled out for marrying a 19 year old girl at 34?

Lol so you got married at 34. Don't worry my friend, you were not that old. Many people get married around this age.

After reading your sad story, i was feeling very bad. I thought you'd be 40+ when you got married.
If you keep yourself fit, you don't look old at 34.

 

[Bigboii]

Lol so you got married at 34. Don't worry my friend, you were not that old. Many people get married around this age.

After reading your sad story, i was feeling very bad. I thought you'd be 40+ when you got married.
If you keep yourself fit, you don't look old at 34.

Yep 30s is the new 20s [MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION]

Workout, eat healthy �� you'll be fine

White people don't even think about marriage till they're in thier 30s

You genuinely were making it sound like you are 40 or 50 lol calm down! You are not old

 

[Savak]

Lol so you got married at 34. Don't worry my friend, you were not that old. Many people get married around this age.

After reading your sad story, i was feeling very bad. I thought you'd be 40+ when you got married.
If you keep yourself fit, you don't look old at 34.

Lol, this is what puzzled me. I was very relaxed, chilled out and very comfortable with my age and state in life. It's just my parents, immediate and extended relatives (who had a vested interest) and buzurg who drove me nuts with this talk 24/7.

As far as fitness is concerned, its been hard to focus hundred percent on the gym. I only got some mental space when i finally cleared the CPA exam in Canada this year, then i go back to the gym for a while, then Covid came and then some other exam comes along.

 

[Savak]

Yep 30s is the new 20s [MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION]

Workout, eat healthy �� you'll be fine

White people don't even think about marriage till they're in thier 30s

You genuinely were making it sound like you are 40 or 50 lol calm down! You are not old

Our society is very different from gora society. Even a few of my friends from Pakistan had turned on me unsympathetically with regards to my age and the quality of my prospects. I eventually surrendered to my parents wishes in light of my mom's declining health as I wanted to give her the happiness of seeing me settled during whatever time she has left.

 

[watson367]

1) Be Rich 2) Wait for never ending rishta proposals. Lmao.

 

[Giannis]

Nope. That maybe true for the elite class. Certainly, not the rest of the 99% of Pakistanis.

It's not an "elite class" thing, it's more of a urban vs paindu divide and I'm certain paindus don't make up 99% of the population - more like 60%. In the US, most Pakistanis are from the cities - might not be like that in hong kong.

 

[UP]

What bothers me most marrying somebody in the West is the past of that person. There has been a huge boom of Pakistani/Indian women joining sugar babies and escort sites, especially here in the GTA. This bothers me a lot. I actually caught my friend's sister in escorting 2 and a half years ago and I did some intensive research into the field and there's tons and tons of desi women involved into this and its growing.

At least, in Pakistan, the girls aren't involved in this stuff. You can probably trust them a lot more.

 

[UP]

Sorry bro, it's personal but may i ask what is your education and what are that girl's qualifications.

I don't know about girl's qualification but I have done a BA.

 

[HappyWarsFan]

What bothers me most marrying somebody in the West is the past of that person. There has been a huge boom of Pakistani/Indian women joining sugar babies and escort sites, especially here in the GTA. This bothers me a lot. I actually caught my friend's sister in escorting 2 and a half years ago and I did some intensive research into the field and there's tons and tons of desi women involved into this and its growing.

At least, in Pakistan, the girls aren't involved in this stuff. You can probably trust them a lot more.

Damn I didn't know this. That's sad to hear. I thought only white women did that kind stuff.

 

[UP]

I have been been rejected for many reasons ie Bacha doctor nahin hai, larka Punjabi chinioti yah rajput nahin hai, boy doesn't live in Lahore, Pakistan, Bacha angrezi kuch zyada hi acha bolta hai, larke kee umar kuch zyada hi hai aur ab nikal chuki hai, larka apne maa baap ke Saath rehta hai, larke ke maan baap bimaar hain, larke kee bhein kee shaadi abhi tak nahin hui humari beti se shaadi karne ke baad in logoan ko bhein ki bhi zimidari uthani pare gee.

Our society is so evil and ********

I know you've dealt with this **.

It's my turn now

 

[UP]

Damn I didn't know this. That's sad to hear. I thought only white women did that kind stuff.

You probably have no idea but the huge influx of young desi women into escorting/sugar babies is really troubling. My friend's sister was caught by me escorting, she pleaded me not to tell anybody. And I'm pretty sure she is still doing it today.

 

[HappyWarsFan]

Lol, you are in good hands and everything should work out perfectly alright. Its much harder to move to a new country at a later age and start from scratch because if you are at a mature age and starting afresh in your professional field, you get preyed on by the crowd who are desperate to get their over aged daughters, female relatives married off to an older guy as well.

That's unfortunate that you got preyed on like that. Well at least your settled now, the past is behind you.

 

[Slog]

This thread is real fun, and to add a little bit of my experience, i am single child and was in second year of Uni when suddenly my dad told me son next Friday you are getting married, i had just broke up with my childhood love and cousin who got engaged and was like who cares, and thankfully all turned out well, even though I saw her first time ever on my wedding night, and alhamdulilah she is good in both beauty and character and I may not have found anyone better even in love marriage. I got married at 19 became father at 20 and now i am 27, and still my most batch fellows are bachelors. Sometimes just leaving it to destiny is the best option, and most people around me say that you are ten years ahead on your life stage as compared to most people. There are both pros amd and cons of early marriage but now i have no regrets. [MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] so I am kinda your anti thesis bro. But hope aap dair aaey drust aaey.

Why did your dad want you to get married at that age? Curious.

Do you feel you missed out a lot in your 20s? Sometimes I see that people who got married super young have this regret in late 20s early 30s and end up being the ‘old wannabe uncle who wants to party”

 

[Slog]

My personal opinion is that if it’s arranged marriage then the guy should be settled and have a good career (obv expectation different for everyone)

If it’s love marriage then it shouldn’t matter what stage you are at your professional and personal life since the girl knows fully well about the status quo and you can grow together.

In an arranged marriage scenario if the guys career isn’t set to some degree and still in development then it’s literally a lottery for the girl. I don’t think I would want any female member to be getting into what is essentially a lottery

 

[Bigboii]

What bothers me most marrying somebody in the West is the past of that person. There has been a huge boom of Pakistani/Indian women joining sugar babies and escort sites, especially here in the GTA. This bothers me a lot. I actually caught my friend's sister in escorting 2 and a half years ago and I did some intensive research into the field and there's tons and tons of desi women involved into this and its growing.

At least, in Pakistan, the girls aren't involved in this stuff. You can probably trust them a lot more.

well mot desi men in west don't really have clean past either

Most (90 - 95% no exaggeration and this is just my experience but I have been around the New York state from NYC (both the rich and the ghetto pat of NYC),Albany, Buffalo so at least in this state I have experienced "diverse" group of desi's so I know a lil something about 'em) desi men in university, high schools do exactly what all the other guys do so they don't have "clean" characters either

SO we know both of these groups are not the most "cleanest" characters out there but if we acknowledge the weakness in ourselves that happened due to our environment and places we grew up in and not do this "act" that we are not clean characters but we need a clean character wife from home, that's just hypocrisy imo

(I know I quoted you but this is a general statement not directed at you personally but more of what I observed in our community and I am DEFINITELY not saying marry an escort lol )

 

[Slog]

That's unfortunate that you got preyed on like that. Well at least your settled now, the past is behind you.

How is just getting married ‘settled’ tho?

Is a 30 year old guy pulling in $400k a year with a fully owned house less settled than a 30 year old married guy with a kid and earning $60k?

 

[Bigboii]

How is just getting married ‘settled’ tho?

Is a 30 year old guy pulling in $400k a year with a fully owned house less settled than a 30 year old married guy with a kid and earning $60k?

I don't know its just something about marriage maybe

other day I heard Justin bieber saying that after marriage he feels settled know and that man's a multimillionaire
So maybe its not financial its just a state of mind I guess?

 

[UP]

well mot desi men in west don't really have clean past either

Most (90 - 95% no exaggeration and this is just my experience but I have been around the New York state from NYC (both the rich and the ghetto pat of NYC),Albany, Buffalo so at least in this state I have experienced "diverse" group of desi's so I know a lil something about 'em) desi men in university, high schools do exactly what all the other guys do so they don't have "clean" characters either

SO we know both of these groups are not the most "cleanest" characters out there but if we acknowledge the weakness in ourselves that happened due to our environment and places we grew up in and not do this "act" that we are not clean characters but we need a clean character wife from home, that's just hypocrisy imo

(I know I quoted you but this is a general statement not directed at you personally but more of what I observed in our community and I am DEFINITELY not saying marry an escort lol )

I'm not saying desi men or men in general are pure and not hypocrite. Women having boyfriends in high school or university is fine with me. Major problems arise when the girl was an escort/sugar baby in her past. I will never be ok with that. Since a lot of Indian/Pakistani women are involved in prostitution in the GTA - it has become hard who to trust.

 

[Bigboii]

I'm not saying desi men or men in general are pure and not hypocrite. Women having boyfriends in high school or university is fine with me. Major problems arise when the girl was an escort/sugar baby in her past. I will never be ok with that. Since a lot of Indian/Pakistani women are involved in prostitution in the GTA - it has become hard who to trust.

Yeah you are right I quoted you and I had to write something different but this came to mind and I went with the flow
Sorry my bad it wasn't specifically about your situation, again my apologies

 

[Zeshan547]

[MENTION=138463]Slog[/MENTION] I told the reason in that post itself, due to me being a single child and that too i was born after 14 years of my parents wedding, so they were kinda getting too old and into their 60s, plus mom couldn't even do all household stuff properly and they wanted to see bchun ke khushian in their life time plus the girl i had a crush with since my childhood got engaged somewhere else so I i kinda sacrificed my youth for parents old age.

 

[Savak]

You probably have no idea but the huge influx of young desi women into escorting/sugar babies is really troubling. My friend's sister was caught by me escorting, she pleaded me not to tell anybody. And I'm pretty sure she is still doing it today.

I caught a Desi girl secretly involved in this by looking at her cell phone and getting a glimpse of the messages she was sending and receiving

 

[Savak]

How is just getting married ‘settled’ tho?

Is a 30 year old guy pulling in $400k a year with a fully owned house less settled than a 30 year old married guy with a kid and earning $60k?

Unless you are the top of the creme ie excellent GPA, solid extra curricular activities in terms of leadership roles in student bodies, top notch work experience roles, elite branded work experience in prestigious organizations and career progression, excellent communication and networking skills, can I expect a young guy in his early 30's to reach that Salary figure in Canada whereas most Canadians on avg in their lifetimes get to $100,000-130,000 during their lifetimes

 

[Slog]

I don't know its just something about marriage maybe

other day I heard Justin bieber saying that after marriage he feels settled know and that man's a multimillionaire
So maybe its not financial its just a state of mind I guess?

Justin Bieber feeling settled makes sense. He has a great career, has travelled the world, has enough assets for his next three generations to be comfortable. So Ofcourse after marrying a woman he loves he will feel settled.

I’m talking about how someone who is messing up in every other aspect of life can feel ‘settled’ after a marriage? Maybe he feels he has finally achieved something and ticked a box? But isn’t that unfair on an unsuspecting girl esp in arranged marriage scenario.

 

[Nostalgic]

I caught a Desi girl secretly involved in this by looking at her cell phone and getting a glimpse of the messages she was sending and receiving

I hate it when I glance at people’s phones and see them indulging in such things.

 

[andy0204]

I just wanted to say goodluck and I hope you will get your life partner Inshallah .

 

[saeedhk]

It's not an "elite class" thing, it's more of a urban vs paindu divide and I'm certain paindus don't make up 99% of the population - more like 60%. In the US, most Pakistanis are from the cities - might not be like that in hong kong.

You have to go to Pakistan to believe. It is crazy!

 

[Slog]

Unless you are the top of the creme ie excellent GPA, solid extra curricular activities in terms of leadership roles in student bodies, top notch work experience roles, elite branded work experience in prestigious organizations and career progression, excellent communication and networking skills, can I expect a young guy in his early 30's to reach that Salary figure in Canada whereas most Canadians on avg in their lifetimes get to $100,000-130,000 during their lifetimes

That’s just an example to illustrate what I’m saying. I hope you got my larger point.

A 27 year old with a wife and kid earning $35k is certainly not more settled than a single 30 year pulling in six figures imo

 

[shaz619]

I guess just put yourself out there and keep all your options open during your search, try a bit of everything and don't stress. When on that road be clear with what you'd like and what you're looking for.

 

[shaz619]

On topic of timing, I feel that before taking that step getting the priorities in the right order is important although this may vary for everyone and beyond that how we define 'settled' is subjective, but to me it's when you can say you're content / close to being a happy person.

 

[Justcrazy]

Getting married in Pakistan is very easy. You shouldn’t face any problems. Ask your relatives for help and they will find you a dozen and you can pick any.

Pakistani community in North America on the other hand have a lot of nakhra. Its hard to get married in the West. There are thousands of things people look for. I got rejected today because of my education. Apparently the girl was a lot more educated than me. Mind you, I nor my family have ever met the girl or her family. It was a small profile I sent over WhatsApp to an aunt I know who knows a lot of people in the community. She said it was a funny reason

What I failed to grasp about rejection was the idea of education. The girl might have a bigger degree than me or might have done Masters in whatever field - but I can also read, write, research about any subject in the world and if I focus on it I can also ‘Master’ it. The girl’s family didn’t bother to meet in person but was quick ti reject.

What if the guy you find is equally educated but ends up screwing up your mental health and beats your up. What would you do with that education?

That is the reason why there are so many overage women, they live for 60 - 70 years , but want things that will last 600 years.

 

[msaaim89]

Tbh, when you yourself brag about it especially with the age of your MIL and FIL, it sounds really creepy.

It is and this guy bragging about just shows typical Pakistani male mentality.

We also know, one of the reasons for this being so common in Pakistan is poverty where families are more inclined to give away their child.

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

This thread has good potential.

I think the best way is to go to Pakistan and ask your relatives to look around for girls. I am pretty sure you will have zero problems getting married if you have a foreign passport. In fact, you will get too many proposals once you set foot in Pakistan and announce that you are looking for a girl. Good luck!

Depends on what socio-economic background the girl is. Girls in Pakistan from upper middle class, and there parents arent dumb. They are open to guys from abroad with good jobs, and they have a good idea on what salary range is good. A foreign passport is not good enough.

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

Tbh, when you yourself brag about it especially with the age of your MIL and FIL, it sounds really creepy.

But keeping that aside, i am glad that you finally got settled down with someone you love. May Allah shower his blessings on you two.

How do you feel when girls brag about landing a doctor guy? or an engineer guy? or a guy with any type of high paying salary?

Is that also creepy?

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

My relatives have suggested a lot of girls in their circles and I have got a couple of proposals s well but most of them do not appeal me. That is why I think that I need to find someone on my own.

You can try an app, like Muzmatch, if they have them in Pakistan.

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

I met my wife for the very first time on the day of my Nikkah and the funny thing is that I was only shown two pics of her before that and in the pic you had two girls who were both very good looking so I didn't even know who the girl was in question.

Marriages have failed and turned out to unhappy, miserable even when both the guy and the girl knew each other, it's always better for the guy and the girl to know each other but it doesn't necessarily mean a successful relationship and marriage. On the other hand, yes not knowing someone at all does sound risky but it can actually also be good in the sense that you can enter into the relationship with a very open mind with zero expectations and can live for the moment, take things as they come.

There is no point in buying a brand new luxury vehicle that you adore if you are scared to take it out in the road under the fear it will get scratched, tainted.

Just accept the fact that the girl herself is human with flaws, frailty just like you but if both of you are prepared to accept each other with your respective flaws and imperfections life and living together becomes simpler.

Well in that case good think you found both of them attractive.

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

Yes God finally someone talking some facts!!!

Like it is so much easier to be in an relationship with someone from rest of the races there's no qualms or nakhra (cause most of the time you'll be more successful than them) so it's not a North American girl problem

It's specifically bad with north american desi girls

They want you to have a house, be brad pitt, (but even if you are bratt pitt you can't ask for her to be decent) have a PhD because she has masters and on top they want you to be next in line for the CEO preferably you're the CEO

I am just saying go to Pakistan (btw no nakhra, level-headed and often time better looking than wannabe Kim Kardashian's) but for cons I think they never feel American and always looking to go to Pakistan (which is totally fair but it costs money, paid leave and no one likes to be without thier spouse for months on end (and if you're with her say goodbye to your job)), there's an adjustment period where they need time to adjust to the new life in a different country

or you can marry a latina and raise your kids on salsa music... Choice is yours!

Some other requirements of North American girls:

You must assume all financial responsibility. Your money is considered "our" money. Her money is her money.
They dont want to live with in laws.
They dont want a guy who is too traditional, they also dont want a guy is who too westernized.
Should not be too religious, also should not be completely irreligious.
Dont you dare not be interested in a girl because of her looks. You must find all Pakistani girls attractive, really attractive, or really really attractive.

Bonus points if your mother is dead

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

Damn, this thread is scaring me. I'm a 19 year old in Canada (been here all my life) and studying to be a chartered accountant at the moment. If it's really that hard to find North american girls that's sad... But anyways I'm not anywhere near marriage age so won't worry about it too much.

OP, good luck in finding your love.

Get a job that has a huge salary, and you wont have any trouble at all.

 

[Bigboii]

Get a job that has a huge salary, and you wont have any trouble at all.

Only doctors are earning those huge salaries tho (lawyers,bankers, and definitely accountants are not making big bucks straight outta university big money starts coming further down the career)

And Guys please don't bring the overly inflated NYC or any other metro area salaries
We know you're basically paying $3000 to live in an apartment smaller than a grave save the flex

Especially in small cities marriage situation is getting kinda annoying...

Go to MSA guys and meet up girls in sharia allowed ways
North America is not Pak, no one is finding a decent fit for you
you need to use some of that hustle

Btw not married nor looking but I have seen cases of professionals and educated people struggling with finding decent pairing its rough out here....