Interracial marriage

[FoolingIllustration]

Hello, I'm absolutely new to this forum and won't be staying any longer. Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this kind of question.

I'm a non desi girl who lives in a city where most Muslims are are Pakistani or Bangledish with some Hyderabad Indians. I'm not looking to get married now but when I do so I don't know if I would have to go out of town to find a husband because I don't know how open people are to marrying a non Desi girl. It's more so because I'm Ethiopian and I wouldn't be viewed the same in comparison to an Arab or Latina woman, especially by older family members. I personally would also prefer to marry an African, but it's just a small preference and I'm really just going to marry the first guy who I am compatible with. I want to get a realistic view so I could protect my self esteem and not try thinking something is possible and can happen, only to end up failing and making me feel bad for being black. So my question is, in YOUR experience how open are you and family to marrying outside your ethnicity, and then specifically marrying an African girl?

 

[JaDed]

What is surprising is

Last edited by FoolingIllustration; Today at 09:31. Reason: Misspellings

Someone actually mentioned that.

 

[Madplayer]

Greetings [MENTION=146695]FoolingIllustration[/MENTION]

I believe it would be really difficult for a desi to marry a woman outside his ethnicity. Its not impossible but its not a norm either. However it all depends on the person you are with. The families are generally not very accepting of such relationships but that shouldnt matter if the guy you are with is serious about you two. Dont expect it to be smooth going though unless you are dating a desi guy from an ultra-modern (by desi standards) family.

 

[CricketCartoons]

Greetings [MENTION=146695]FoolingIllustration[/MENTION]

I believe it would be really difficult for a desi to marry a woman outside his ethnicity. Its not impossible but its not a norm either. However it all depends on the person you are with. The families are generally not very accepting of such relationships but that shouldnt matter if the guy you are with is serious about you two. Dont expect it to be smooth going though unless you are dating a desi guy from an ultra-modern (by desi standards) family.

Even among those families which would allow marrying outside ethnicity/race, there is higher chance of marrying with whites than blacks. So OP should start looking outside.

 

[Madplayer]

Even among those families which would allow marrying outside ethnicity/race, there is higher chance of marrying with whites than blacks. So OP should start looking outside.

Yes to be completely honest, that is true as well. Whites and brown/latin people are preferred more.

Kya society hai yaar. Goriyo se shadi karna is like a way of upward mobility for some.

 

[BlackShadow]

Does race even matter when you are a Muslim? I doubt that's the case.

 

[Madplayer]

Does race even matter when you are a Muslim? I doubt that's the case.

How do you know OP is dating a muslim or wanting to date a muslim?

Secondly race doesnt matter if you are a muslim. But it does matter if you are a desi. The culture over rides religion in certain aspects.

 

[Pakistanian]

It's very common in American, Desis marry out all the time. If you're muslim then it increases your chances significantly. I have Somali and Ethiopian Muslim friends and we don't think less of them.

 

[BlackShadow]

How do you know OP is dating a muslim or wanting to date a muslim?

Secondly race doesnt matter if you are a muslim. But it does matter if you are a desi. The culture over rides religion in certain aspects.

I know it because I read what she wrote. She is looking for a Muslim.

 

[Azzurri]

As others mentioned earlier it's highly unlikely that the family will wholeheartedly accept it but it all depends on the guy. If he has the guts to take the fight against this cultural nonsense or not.
Best wishes for you

 

[Pakistanian]

Ethiopian women are quite attractive, very exotic looking people. I think most Muslim guys can look past color and look at personality.

 

[kaayal]

If you like a guy sincerely, go and propose to him. Guys are different. For some colour doesn't matter but some are racists too. No need to feel bad for yourself, it's their loss if they reject you. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

And if you are so conscious about your self esteem, better to marry someone who follow your culture. Your family will also be happy.

 

[humzy]

Hello, I'm absolutely new to this forum and won't be staying any longer. Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this kind of question.

I'm a non desi girl who lives in a city where most Muslims are are Pakistani or Bangledish with some Hyderabad Indians. I'm not looking to get married now but when I do so I don't know if I would have to go out of town to find a husband because I don't know how open people are to marrying a non Desi girl. It's more so because I'm Ethiopian and I wouldn't be viewed the same in comparison to an Arab or Latina woman, especially by older family members. I personally would also prefer to marry an African, but it's just a small preference and I'm really just going to marry the first guy who I am compatible with. I want to get a realistic view so I could protect my self esteem and not try thinking something is possible and can happen, only to end up failing and making me feel bad for being black. So my question is, in YOUR experience how open are you and family to marrying outside your ethnicity, and then specifically marrying an African girl?

i don't think you will have any issues with the guys if you live in a western country and they are 2nd generation.

Its more the family that causes issues. So if the guy is extremely close to his family and they are a strict bunch then you may have some issues.

 

[PakLFC]

I have no problems in marrying a lady outside my own Pakistani culture and neither will my family providing she is Muslim. Indian Muslim's would be the only exception in my family for obvious reasons. Interracial marriages are becoming rather common now in the west which has become a melting pot of all sorts of people. Having said that many people also feel comfortable in marrying in their own background, understandably sharing the same language and culture are important to many people as well. You can spread the word amongst Muslim circles or the local Masjid if and when you start looking for s spouse. Good luck. I have no problems with African ladies or people in general, they are as beautiful and smart as any other.

 

[Madplayer]

I know it because I read what she wrote. She is looking for a Muslim.

My appologies.

 

[Madplayer]

I have no problems in marrying a lady outside my own Pakistani culture and neither will my family providing she is Muslim. Indian Muslim's would be the only exception in my family for obvious reasons. Interracial marriages are becoming rather common now in the west which has become a melting pot of all sorts of people. Having said that many people also feel comfortable in marrying in their own background, understandably sharing the same language and culture are important to many people as well. You can spread the word amongst Muslim circles or the local Masjid if and when you start looking for s spouse. Good luck. I have no problems with African ladies or people in general, they are as beautiful and smart as any other.

I think we could understand it better if OP tells us whether she herself is a muslim or not.

 

[PakLFC]

[MENTION=131678]Madplayer[/MENTION]

"I'm a non desi girl who lives in a city where most Muslims are are Pakistani or Bangledish" suggests that she is Muslim.

 

[kaayal]

I have no problems in marrying a lady outside my own Pakistani culture and neither will my family providing she is Muslim. Indian Muslim's would be the only exception in my family for obvious reasons. Interracial marriages are becoming rather common now in the west which has become a melting pot of all sorts of people. Having said that many people also feel comfortable in marrying in their own background, understandably sharing the same language and culture are important to many people as well. You can spread the word amongst Muslim circles or the local Masjid if and when you start looking for s spouse. Good luck. I have no problems with African ladies or people in general, they are as beautiful and smart as any other.

Good. Stay away as far as you can. Neither we like to have an alliance with you.

 

[PakLFC]

Good. Stay away as far as you can. Neither we like to have an alliance with you.

It's a deal! I have no problems with that whatsoever

 

[miandadrules]

How do you know OP is dating a muslim or wanting to date a muslim?

Secondly race doesnt matter if you are a muslim. But it does matter if you are a desi. The culture over rides religion in certain aspects.

How many black women did Muhammad marry?

 

[Madplayer]

How many black women did Muhammad marry?

I dont know. How many were there in that area?
About racism not allowed in Islam, i know about Hazrat Bilal Habshi (Ra), a black man, who was once not allowed to recite the Fajr Azaan and the sun didnt rise till he was allowed ( before the scientists pounce on me, it is obviously according to Islamic tradition).

 

[PakLFC]

The Prophet(saw) could not marry a lady from every background just to prove that Islam is against racism. Many Muslim's especially Arab's do have a racist or superior attitude. Islam is always against all sorts of discrimination and racism.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

Hello, I'm absolutely new to this forum and won't be staying any longer. Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this kind of question.

I'm a non desi girl who lives in a city where most Muslims are are Pakistani or Bangledish with some Hyderabad Indians. I'm not looking to get married now but when I do so I don't know if I would have to go out of town to find a husband because I don't know how open people are to marrying a non Desi girl. It's more so because I'm Ethiopian and I wouldn't be viewed the same in comparison to an Arab or Latina woman, especially by older family members. I personally would also prefer to marry an African, but it's just a small preference and I'm really just going to marry the first guy who I am compatible with. I want to get a realistic view so I could protect my self esteem and not try thinking something is possible and can happen, only to end up failing and making me feel bad for being black. So my question is, in YOUR experience how open are you and family to marrying outside your ethnicity, and then specifically marrying an African girl?

Your best bet would be to mix with the Islamic organisations, they are usually more open to mixed marriages than the average desi community. If you aren't religious then try and socialise with the younger groups wherever they hang out, if you meet someone that way, skin colour tends to be forgotten about more quickly. You might have a hard time with the family, but it's the same for the rest of us if we want to marry white or black. If the guy knows his own mind then it doesn't really matter as he'll put you ahead of his family at the end of the day. I've seen a few mixed marriages, and usually the family comes round after a while.

 

[DeadBall]

I am half Arab/Pakistani (Religious Muslim family) and my wife German/Romanian (Christian Orthodox). We once got married in Dubai for my family there with the Mullah and all and then had another traditional orthodox wedding in a Church in Romania (Had to get baptized for that) for her family and relatives. She has celebrated Eid etc with my family and I have celebrated and celebrate Christmas/Easter etc (which basically is just getting together to eat and drink a lot) with hers, but that is about our extent of religious ceremonies. That is apart from the registration process and a small party for our friends and relatives here in Germany (The most boring of the three of course).

Being an Atheist I did all that for her and she did the whole Nikah thing for my family because we love each other. One's race does not matter as long as both people love each other (most important), are open minded and sensitive to each others beliefs (if any).

From your post I understand you are looking for to "find a husband" and "compatibility" which could be quite difficult in a desi community, someone who can look beyond race and religion (and be willing to lose his family in the process) is quite rare.

 

[Robert]

Hello, I'm absolutely new to this forum and won't be staying any longer. Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this kind of question.

I'm a non desi girl who lives in a city where most Muslims are are Pakistani or Bangledish with some Hyderabad Indians. I'm not looking to get married now but when I do so I don't know if I would have to go out of town to find a husband because I don't know how open people are to marrying a non Desi girl. It's more so because I'm Ethiopian and I wouldn't be viewed the same in comparison to an Arab or Latina woman, especially by older family members. I personally would also prefer to marry an African, but it's just a small preference and I'm really just going to marry the first guy who I am compatible with. I want to get a realistic view so I could protect my self esteem and not try thinking something is possible and can happen, only to end up failing and making me feel bad for being black. So my question is, in YOUR experience how open are you and family to marrying outside your ethnicity, and then specifically marrying an African girl?

I identify as white Anglo-Celt. I married a black Woman of Caribbean extent. I was embraced completely by her family. There was a bit more resistance from mine but they came round.

Helps to have been brought up under the same religion and similar culture of course.

Just be yourself. Live life according to your truth. Best of luck to you.

 

[Syed1]

Sister... let me be hundred percent honest with you, us desis are very very racist and you will never be whole heartedly accepted by your husband's family because of the color of your skin. Even though Islam teaches us that all humans are equal and only their virtues raise or lower their status but in this aspect our culture overrides Islamic values. I know in this day and age this is absolutely pathetic but unfortunately that is the sad reality.


For your mental peace I would recommend find a man who isn't desi.

 

[DeadBall]

Also if your aim is just to find a suitable companion, you can try one of those match fixing sites that match people according to various criteria.

P.S - I just saw that you said you won't be staying much longer and wonder if you will come back to read the replies but posting just in case you do.

 

[Snak3eye5]

Sister... let me be hundred percent honest with you, us desis are very very racist and you will never be whole heartedly accepted by your husband's family because of the color of your skin. Even though Islam teaches us that all humans are equal and only their virtues raise or lower their status but in this aspect our culture overrides Islamic values. I know in this day and age this is absolutely pathetic but unfortunately that is the sad reality.


For your mental peace I would recommend find a man who isn't desi.

I actually agree with this 100%. Even if you find someone compatible, getting along with the guys parents is going to be a challenge unless the parents are really open minded. If the parents are no where close to where you and youre guy lives you might have chance. And this is religion aside. Desis are allready extremely racist amongst themselves,(funny thing is they don't even know it ) due to their religion, skin color etc etc. You can allways elope too

On the plus side you'll make beautiful babies. Look at bollywood start John Abraham, dad was a keralite Christian and mom was a parsi which i believe is Iranian...

 

[Abdul]

I don't have a problem with interracial relationships. It's mainly the older generations.

 

[troodon]

Stick to your own kind. That is how God Intended.

 

[troodon]

Sister... let me be hundred percent honest with you, us desis are very very racist and you will never be whole heartedly accepted by your husband's family because of the color of your skin. Even though Islam teaches us that all humans are equal and only their virtues raise or lower their status but in this aspect our culture overrides Islamic values. I know in this day and age this is absolutely pathetic but unfortunately that is the sad reality.


For your mental peace I would recommend find a man who isn't desi.

Would it be okay if the person is an Arab Or Persian?

 

[Robert]

Stick to your own kind. That is how God Intended.

Aren't all humans our own kind?

 

[KingKhanWC]

Aren't all humans our own kind?

He's an athiest Hindu who has interesting views on God.

Anyway on topic.

The sister shouldnt worry too much about Desi's if they are racist or not, some are and many aren't. Those who are not racist and their families aren't will make it clear at ever early stage in any interaction.

 

[TQ89]

Desis don't have a high opinion of african people no matter which country they come from (Somalia, Sudan, Ethiopia etc). I would advise you to find somebody who is open-minded and doesn't look at people with that white/black lens.

Same thing goes for the arabs as well. Not generalizing any race or nation as there are good folks everywhere but the majority of us(Arabs/Desis) do have a very tribal mindset of looking at things which stems from our respective cultures and it becomes the most apparent when it comes to marriage.

As some posters above said that desis are racist among themselves, they just don't admit or acknolwedge it. You have light brown people making fun of dark brown people here and people refusing proposals by saying the boy or girl is dark. I shudder to think what would be said to you if you ever decide to hook up with a desi guy.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

Desis don't have a high opinion of african people no matter which country they come from (Somalia, Sudan, Ethiopia etc). I would advise you to find somebody who is open-minded and doesn't look at people with that white/black lens.

Same thing goes for the arabs as well. Not generalizing any race or nation as there are good folks everywhere but the majority of us(Arabs/Desis) do have a very tribal mindset of looking at things which stems from our respective cultures and it becomes the most apparent when it comes to marriage.

As some posters above said that desis are racist among themselves, they just don't admit or acknolwedge it. You have light brown people making fun of dark brown people here and people refusing proposals by saying the boy or girl is dark. I shudder to think what would be said to you if you ever decide to hook up with a desi guy.

Which is why the girl should have more confidence in her surroundings and probably ignore the doom mongering in this thread. Desis coming from abroad have very little experience of multicultural society, and let's face it, most of those who post here are either from desi land or ex-pats whose cultural mindset reflects their upbringing. Pakistan and India are monocultural societies and they reflect attitudes we saw in the west probably half a century ago. But if you live in Britain today, then you will find a lot more interracial marriages happening, whether the older generation approve or not. In British Pakistani society the old inter-tribal marriages are already becoming history. Desi/African marriages are still outside the norm, but if you are looking for a Muslim match, then race should not be a factor. One of the most notorious matches which made the news in the last few years was with Khadija Dare, the black woman who married the curly haired Arab guy of Isis fame. Their pictures were posted quite regularly during the initial furore of Isis takeover of Syria.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

I found some images from newspapers published at that time

 

[Madplayer]

Would it be okay if the person is an Arab Or Persian?

I'm sure racists come in all shape and form. Arabs being no different. By the way One of my Arab friends has a black wife, his family accepted them without a problem. However he does admit that he was surprised by how smooth it went.

 

[CricketCartoons]

Aren't all humans our own kind?

Marriage should be based on common ground. Sure one can ignore a few things if other things weigh heavily, but it is preferable to marry someone with whom you share a common identity (which can be race, religion, ethnicity, etc).

 

[Madplayer]

Marriage should be based on common ground. Sure one can ignore a few things if other things weigh heavily, but it is preferable to marry someone with whom you share a common identity (which can be race, religion, ethnicity, etc).

How about love?

 

[CricketCartoons]

How about love?

Depends on the individual. Some think they are in love and marry only to find love vanish. Marriage is a beautiful adjustment, and the more common ground you have the easier it will be make adjustments for each other. Are you saying a tamil and a kashmiri muslim girl are both equal to you given other things are same?

 

[shah_1]

I had a black girlfriend once, she was really pretty. I know two of my friends in London having a relationship with black women.

There are chances of finding your love and it's not that bad as some assuming here. Hopefully you find your perfect life partner that respects you and love you as a person.

 

[Madplayer]

Depends on the individual. Some think they are in love and marry only to find love vanish. Marriage is a beautiful adjustment, and the more common ground you have the easier it will be make adjustments for each other. Are you saying a tamil and a kashmiri muslim girl are both equal to you given other things are same?

After marriage, romantic love decreases anyway with time. No matter whether it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage. I am no expert on marriage but i guess the adjustments could be made based on love as well as on the basis of religion, caste, race etc.

About Tamil and a Kashmiri muslim comparison, i dont wanna sound cheesy or filmy but one can't always control who he falls in love with.

 

[CricketCartoons]

After marriage, romantic love decreases anyway with time. No matter whether it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage. I am no expert on marriage but i guess the adjustments could be made based on love as well as on the basis of religion, caste, race etc.

About Tamil and a Kashmiri muslim comparison, i dont wanna sound cheesy or filmy but one can't always control who he falls in love with.

Fair enough. For me ethnicity, mother tongue and religion is very important in a partner.. if that makes me a racist or a supremacist, so be it.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

Fair enough. For me ethnicity, mother tongue and religion is very important in a partner.. if that makes me a racist or a supremacist, so be it.

But for you living in India, it's not really an issue, most people where you live probably share the same ethnicity, mother tongue and to a lesser extent maybe, religion. For those born abroad, they probably have more in common with the blacks and whites than an immigrant who shares the same ethnic background from India or Pakistan. Religion is a big issue for Muslims who care about it, otherwise it's just skin colour.

 

[Robert]

Marriage should be based on common ground. Sure one can ignore a few things if other things weigh heavily, but it is preferable to marry someone with whom you share a common identity (which can be race, religion, ethnicity, etc).

Have you been married?

 

[Robert]

How about love?

Love I understand it and feel it means giving to others with no thought of getting anything in return.

It is the answer to all problems.

 

[CricketCartoons]

Have you been married?

Yes, Uncle Rob, recently celebrated my first anniversary. No kids yet.. but hoping for the best. Just have doubts if I will make a responsible dad.

 

[Bosanquet]

Aren't all humans our own kind?

100% agree. There is no such thing as "race". We are genetically the same - and all "made in africa".
We have constructed barriers based majorly on skin colour, language, country & religion and also on a myriad other issues like caste, income, education, social status.
I wish I could reply individually to all the posts that I vehemently disagree with, but sadly don't have the time.
So just the one reply; Lady - go with your heart. If the man you choose worries about the colour of your skin or land of origin - then walk away. He is not worthy of you.

 

[Bewal Express]

IA she finds a partner for life that brings her happiness. Desi families find it very difficult to accept people from their own nationality who are outside their family so someone from a different race is going to be very lucky if they get accepted.

 

[Robert]

Yes, Uncle Rob, recently celebrated my first anniversary. No kids yet.. but hoping for the best. Just have doubts if I will make a responsible dad.

Congratulations. I am sure you will be a good dad.

 

[Badsha]

Hello, I'm absolutely new to this forum and won't be staying any longer. Sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this kind of question.

I'm a non desi girl who lives in a city where most Muslims are are Pakistani or Bangledish with some Hyderabad Indians. I'm not looking to get married now but when I do so I don't know if I would have to go out of town to find a husband because I don't know how open people are to marrying a non Desi girl. It's more so because I'm Ethiopian and I wouldn't be viewed the same in comparison to an Arab or Latina woman, especially by older family members. I personally would also prefer to marry an African, but it's just a small preference and I'm really just going to marry the first guy who I am compatible with. I want to get a realistic view so I could protect my self esteem and not try thinking something is possible and can happen, only to end up failing and making me feel bad for being black. So my question is, in YOUR experience how open are you and family to marrying outside your ethnicity, and then specifically marrying an African girl?

If the guy is western and/or second generation it will not be an issue. The family may have a problem but the only thing that matters is you are muslim

If you want you can pm me and I can help you with this as I am currently going through almost the exact same situation.

 

[CricketCartoons]

Congratulations. I am sure you will be a good dad.

Thanks. The prerequisite to be a good dad is to be a dad, and I have my concerns..

 

[TSA321]

One of the most notorious matches which made the news in the last few years was with Khadija Dare, the black woman who married the curly haired Arab guy of Isis fame. Their pictures were posted quite regularly during the initial furore of Isis takeover of Syria.

He's Turkish Cypriot

 

[FoolingIllustration]

I'm just really confused. If they are a Muslim family why would they not wholeheartedly accept it? Are there certain stereotypes they believe in andabout East African Muslim women, and what they be? I'm definitely never marrying a desi now that my suspicions have been confirmed.

 

[imrankhannsu]

Well tbh in UK inter racial marriages among muslim backgrounds is a small proportion. I have seen a Desi girl get married to a Jamican guy who MashAllah converted. The girls parents took 2 years to get to terms with this as she was out casted, but eventually came around. I have seen some Pakistanis marrying Indians and Bangladeshis.

But your main issue is the way Desis get done by arranged married as usually the candidates come from word of mouth, so you have to be in this network.

But if you and a guy like each other you might have a chance InshahAllah!

 

[pillionrider]

I'm definitely never marrying a desi now that my suspicions have been confirmed.

It's a bit sad to have to say I'm glad you've taken that decision.

Have a good life.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

I'm just really confused. If they are a Muslim family why would they not wholeheartedly accept it? Are there certain stereotypes they believe in andabout East African Muslim women, and what they be? I'm definitely never marrying a desi now that my suspicions have been confirmed.

Desi families mostly only pay lip service to Islam, they mostly still live by their ancient codes of caste and tribalism, which in reality means that many Pakistanis are still living more like Indian Hindus and Sikhs than Muslims. This thread should confirm that to you.

But again, if you are a good Muslim girl, then you shouldn't judge whole ethnic groups, instead you should focus on individuals, there will be Islamic types who share your views and don't judge by race. Try joining some Islamic society, there always seems to be loads of those around with lots of different races.

 

[sweep_shot]

Here's a marriage between a Bangladeshi woman and a Palestinian man. All the best to the couple.

 

[Suleiman]

I'm just really confused. If they are a Muslim family why would they not wholeheartedly accept it? Are there certain stereotypes they believe in andabout East African Muslim women, and what they be? I'm definitely never marrying a desi now that my suspicions have been confirmed.

Couple years late, but no worries

If one is Muslim, and finds another Muslim who they see a future with, then race shouldn’t even be on the list.

If it is, then they need to work on this nifaaq and weakness of the heart before marriage.

And if it’s their family they are worried that wont accept someone out of their race, then the family will be accountable to Allah for preventing a halal marriage on the basis of a non issue like race and promoting the chances of fitna happening (the guy and the girl then potentially being tempted to do unlawful things to satisfy their human urges)
Islam is not race based, and if a Muslim thinks it is, it’s time to pick up the Quran and Hadith

 

[Suleiman]

Sister... let me be hundred percent honest with you, us desis are very very racist and you will never be whole heartedly accepted by your husband's family because of the color of your skin. Even though Islam teaches us that all humans are equal and only their virtues raise or lower their status but in this aspect our culture overrides Islamic values. I know in this day and age this is absolutely pathetic but unfortunately that is the sad reality.


For your mental peace I would recommend find a man who isn't desi.

These sweeping statements help nobody. I know desis who are on the Quran and Sunnah and have married outside of their race. One was in the last apartment complex I lived at. Was from Pakistan, and his wife was Muslim from Ethiopia iirc. His mom was very pious as well and they all got along fine.

So just like we don’t like it when others generalize about Islam and Muslims, let’s not generalize against ourselves either.

 

[sweep_shot]

Here in Canada, interracial marriage is quite common.

I know at least 7 BD-Pakistan couples here (including 1 of my classmates).

I know at least one Indian-BD couple here (both are Muslims).

I know at least two BD-Philippino couples here.

I know at least one BD-African couple here.

Desi-white interracial marriages are pretty common here too.

They all seem happily married. Good for them.

 

[Justcrazy]

These sweeping statements help nobody. I know desis who are on the Quran and Sunnah and have married outside of their race. One was in the last apartment complex I lived at. Was from Pakistan, and his wife was Muslim from Ethiopia iirc. His mom was very pious as well and they all got along fine.

So just like we don’t like it when others generalize about Islam and Muslims, let’s not generalize against ourselves either.

@Suleiman is right to an extent , because I have felt that also.

South Asian people do have a weakness of skin color. I think you will also agree with this.

 

[sweep_shot]

@Suleiman is right to an extent , because I have felt that also.

South Asian people do have a weakness of skin color. I think you will also agree with this.

I think it is an issue among boomer generation.

Millennials and Gen Z are not fussy about this (generally).

 

[Suleiman]

@Suleiman is right to an extent , because I have felt that also.

South Asian people do have a weakness of skin color. I think you will also agree with this.

They may have a weakness and it’s wrong, but the sister in the OP asking this question should not be misguided into thinking all desi muslims are like this.

as the post I quoted is suggesting to our sister here to eliminate desi men from her consideration entirely. That is ridiculous.

Yes there may be desi parents or relatives who are racist, I am aware of south Asians who value traditions and other nonsense above Islam who are brainwashed into thinking the lighter the skin the better the person (Churchill actually wrote a book about indoctrinating south Asians into this since colonial times to make them doubt their self worth and be subservient to colonial masters)

But there’s also millions of good hearted Muslim men from Pakistan, India, Bangladesh- the entirety of the “desi” demographic. Her match may be in them and so she should not close her heart due to one bad interaction.

 

[sweep_shot]

I am not married yet. I wouldn't look at nationality when it comes to marriage. First thing I look at is how religious the girl is.

For me, this is the order of importance for choosing a partner:

1. Religiosity.
2. Mentality/personality.
3. Physical Beauty (I can overlook this if #1 and #2 are robust).
4. Nationality/ethnicity.

 

[DeadlyVenom]

My preference was to marry within the religion and also within the culture and this is what I did but if there is comparability there is no harm in marrying across cultures.

Weirdly I have found many racist Indians to be married to white people. You can see the trend in high profile Indians in the UK for example and even in this forum most of the people who are weirdly racist and anti Muslim all have white spouses.

In these people it is a psychological trauma they are suffering from. They retain their racism but have cut off their future lineage from the sanatan dharma they are so proud of.