Last rites in Hinduism - What are the current customs and their significance?

[MenInG]

My neighbor's father passed away in India recently and she was describing some of the last rites etc.

Obviously this being a time of grief, I could not discuss much more but would be interesting to hear from our Hindu friends about what the last rites entail etc

I have been told that they are different from state to state.

 

[cricketjoshila]

My neighbor's father passed away in India recently and she was describing some of the last rites etc.

Obviously this being a time of grief, I could not discuss much more but would be interesting to hear from our Hindu friends about what the last rites entail etc

I have been told that they are different from state to state.

Cremation is the ultimate ritual.

Then comes the mourning period. That may last from 3 days to 12days. Depending upon state and community.

For me its 12 days.

The restrictions on the family members depend upon how closely related you are.

Sons have to wear unstitched clothes.Usually white. Cannot use comb or soap or any such thing. No use of any footwear.

Food has to be cooked and consumed at a certain time. Usually before sunset. Food is usually very bland with little use of spices and mostly not fried. And other restrictions.

It also includes sleeping on the ground,celibacy, not allowed to do any kind of worship.

Then there is shaving of head. The day is again variable but its usually on the 10th day.

Next is the shraddha ceremony. Usually on 11th day. It includes fire sacrifice. Feeding of brahmins and relatives and offering of items to gods.

Usually that ends the mourning period for most communities.

In bengalis the 12th day is when you wear stitched clothes and eat non veg food there by breaking the mourning period.

For Sons there are restrictions that last 1year.

 

[cricketjoshila]

There is also asthi visarjan. Burnt remains and ashes are collected in a mud or brass pot and then its scattered in Varanasi Gaya Allahabad etc.

This is a separate ritual altogether.

 

[TM Riddle]

They vary in different cultures as far as I know.
In my region, we wash the body first, wrap it all in a white garment except the face part. The orifices are blocked by cotton and hairs are covered as well.
Afterwards the body is laid on a makeshift funeral stretcher kinda thing and four people ( have to be younger in age than the deceased with their heads tonsured) are tasked with carrying it to the shamshan (cemetery). While carrying the body a group of people follow it with the procession lead by a priest with a small pot in his hand who chants "Ram nam Satya hai" which is repeated by the members following.
After reaching the shamshan ghat, the body is made to be laid upon a pyre made up of chopped woods and a large amount of ghee is smeared over it to help it burn properly.
After some more Vedic chants and rituals, the priest asks one of the four guys to lit the pyre.
People might wait for a while there, offering their condolences to the next kin of diseased and afterwards head to the house of the head and later on departs for their respective homes. While at their homes, those who were part of the procession immediately take a bath and until they have done so, are not allowed to touch anything.
Also no food is prepared in that particular night in the house of the deceased and they are provided with provisions by the neighbors and other well wishers.
Next day we go to the cemetery to collect the remaining bones and teeth of the after making sure that the whole body has been fully burnt.
The collected remains along with the ashes are put in a cloth which is tied around the neck of a person after some more ritual chanting and the said person is sent to Haridwar to scatter the ashes in Ganga. While heading to Haridwar, the person cannot re-enter the main village and has to leave directly from the cemetery via short cuts lying outside the village centre.
After reaching Haridwar, you contact with your designated hereditary priest who reads to you your entire family history and updates his record writing names of new family members who were born in the meantime. Thereafter you head to ganga where amidst vedic chanting the ashes are submitted to the mighty river and you are asked to take a bath.
For return journey you collect Ganga water in a bottle or any suitable container for home where after reaching more rituals in the temple follow before you are allowed back in the home.
Hindus observe the mourning for 12 days and on the final day a variety of customs and rituals are performed which are too long to be listed here.
That's all I can remember really.

 

[TM Riddle]

Oh and I forgot on the 9th day we all have to take a big ritual bath outside the main village while ladies do it at the house.

 

[cricketjoshila]

They vary in different cultures as far as I know.
In my region, we wash the body first, wrap it all in a white garment except the face part. The orifices are blocked by cotton and hairs are covered as well.
Afterwards the body is laid on a makeshift funeral stretcher kinda thing and four people ( have to be younger in age than the deceased with their heads tonsured) are tasked with carrying it to the shamshan (cemetery). While carrying the body a group of people follow it with the procession lead by a priest with a small pot in his hand who chants "Ram nam Satya hai" which is repeated by the members following.
After reaching the shamshan ghat, the body is made to be laid upon a pyre made up of chopped woods and a large amount of ghee is smeared over it to help it burn properly.
After some more Vedic chants and rituals, the priest asks one of the four guys to lit the pyre.
People might wait for a while there, offering their condolences to the next kin of diseased and afterwards head to the house of the head and later on departs for their respective homes. While at their homes, those who were part of the procession immediately take a bath and until they have done so, are not allowed to touch anything.
Also no food is prepared in that particular night in the house of the deceased and they are provided with provisions by the neighbors and other well wishers.
Next day we go to the cemetery to collect the remaining bones and teeth of the after making sure that the whole body has been fully burnt.
The collected remains along with the ashes are put in a cloth which is tied around the neck of a person after some more ritual chanting and the said person is sent to Haridwar to scatter the ashes in Ganga. While heading to Haridwar, the person cannot re-enter the main village and has to leave directly from the cemetery via short cuts lying outside the village centre.
After reaching Haridwar, you contact with your designated hereditary priest who reads to you your entire family history and updates his record writing names of new family members who were born in the meantime. Thereafter you head to ganga where amidst vedic chanting the ashes are submitted to the mighty river and you are asked to take a bath.
For return journey you collect Ganga water in a bottle or any suitable container for home where after reaching more rituals in the temple follow before you are allowed back in the home.
Hindus observe the mourning for 12 days and on the final day a variety of customs and rituals are performed which are too long to be listed here.
That's all I can remember really.

So in rajputs shaving of head is before cremation?

 

[TM Riddle]

Cremation is the ultimate ritual.

Then comes the mourning period. That may last from 3 days to 12days. Depending upon state and community.

For me its 12 days.

The restrictions on the family members depend upon how closely related you are.

Sons have to wear unstitched clothes.Usually white. Cannot use comb or soap or any such thing. No use of any footwear.

Food has to be cooked and consumed at a certain time. Usually before sunset. Food is usually very bland with little use of spices and mostly not fried. And other restrictions.

It also includes sleeping on the ground,celibacy, not allowed to do any kind of worship.

Then there is shaving of head. The day is again variable but its usually on the 10th day.

Next is the shraddha ceremony. Usually on 11th day. It includes fire sacrifice. Feeding of brahmins and relatives and offering of items to gods.

Usually that ends the mourning period for most communities.

In bengalis the 12th day is when you wear stitched clothes and eat non veg food there by breaking the mourning period.

For Sons there are restrictions that last 1year.

In the case of death of an elderly, we break the mourning by drinking alcohol.
By here I strictly mean my community only.
Others are often horrified whenever I mention this little fact to them lol.

 

[cricketjoshila]

Oh and I forgot on the 9th day we all have to take a big ritual bath outside the main village while ladies do it at the house.

In the pond or river or stream. Thats the Ghat day.

 

[BlackShadow]

Cremations are always performed at a riverbank in my culture. Don't know if it is the same for others too.

 

[cricketjoshila]

In the case of death of an elderly, we break the mourning by drinking alcohol.
By here I strictly mean my community only.
Others are often horrified whenever I mention this little fact to them lol.

Rajputs or Kachwahas only?

 

[cricketjoshila]

Cremations are always performed at a riverbank in my culture. Don't know if it is the same for others too.

Usually near a water body.

 

[TM Riddle]

So in rajputs shaving of head is before cremation?

Yes before cremation.
And not just those four guys but all the other younger folks too.
I remember in the year 2006 we had so many deaths in the family that I remained bald for the entire year as there was a death every two or three months.
Quite an eventful year that was.
Also we weren't even allowed to watch television which sucked (I was a little boy back then)

 

[TM Riddle]

Rajputs or Kachwahas only?

That's a good question. I think it's the same for Rathores as well.
Not sure about the others but I am certain Bhatis and Sisodias do it differently.
But the alcohol part is common amongst all the clans. We love our drink!

 

[TM Riddle]

[MENTION=76058]cricketjoshila[/MENTION] [MENTION=146612]BlackShadow[/MENTION] unfortunately we aren't endowed with many water bodies in my part of the world so no riverside cremation for us.

 

[MenInG]

Is it true that women do not attend the funeral rites (Cremation)? or is that changing now?

 

[TM Riddle]

Is it true that women do not attend the funeral rites (Cremation)? or is that changing now?

No they don't. Only men are allowed.
At least it's the case where I live.

 

[MenInG]

No they don't. Only men are allowed.
At least it's the case where I live.

The person I was speaking to is from Haryana and he said times have changed as many relatives come from the States for burials etc and they have forced the issue

 

[cricketjoshila]

Is it true that women do not attend the funeral rites (Cremation)? or is that changing now?

No they dont. But these days if the person has no son then they allow the daughters to perform the ceremonies.

Also if someone hasnt been able to take a last look then she is allowed as well.

But women at cremation ground is considered inauspicious.

 

[pillionrider]

Is it true that women do not attend the funeral rites (Cremation)? or is that changing now?

South Indian here. They are generally not allowed. Was at a funeral recently and the women were debating whether they could go cuz the daughter was distraught she wasn't being allowed to attend her mother's final rites. But the strange thing was many North Indian/Punjabi women attended the final rites without anyone complaining.

 

[cricketjoshila]

South Indian here. They are generally not allowed. Was at a funeral recently and the women were debating whether they could go cuz the daughter was distraught she wasn't being allowed to attend her mother's final rites. But the strange thing was many North Indian/Punjabi women attended the final rites without anyone complaining.

Its the same here in east india as well. Women are generally not allowed.

 

[MenInG]

I was also told that next day or in a few days, the family goes back to collect the bones?

 

[cricketjoshila]

[MENTION=76058]cricketjoshila[/MENTION] [MENTION=146612]BlackShadow[/MENTION] unfortunately we aren't endowed with many water bodies in my part of the world so no riverside cremation for us.

What about pond or lake?

 

[TM Riddle]

I was also told that next day or in a few days, the family goes back to collect the bones?

I mentioned that part in my long post.

 

[cricketjoshila]

I was also told that next day or in a few days, the family goes back to collect the bones?

Yes. Its called Asthi. Its the next day. Then one has to take it to Gaya Kashi Prayag or Haridwar to scatter it in the river.
[MENTION=139758]pillionrider[/MENTION]

Where do you guys go? Rameshwaram?

 

[TM Riddle]

What about pond or lake?

Not really. We have specific cemeteries built for different castes.
The ones belonging to upper castes usually have walls around them with loads of peepal and other trees in them.

Also among Rajputs there used to be custom of building cenotaphs so in our shamshans you would find a lot of such memorials erected in the memory of the dead. Plenty of them in my village itself. A fine piece of architecture I would say.

 

[TM Riddle]

Its the same here in east india as well. Women are generally not allowed.

It's funny that we are discussing that here since around an hour ago, Vajpeyee ji's adopted daughter Namitha performed the funerary rites by herself.
I guess it might be a cultural thing.

 

[Eagle_Eye]

That's a good question. I think it's the same for Rathores as well.
Not sure about the others but I am certain Bhatis and Sisodias do it differently.
But the alcohol part is common amongst all the clans. We love our drink!

You drink to end the mourning? Interesting.

 

[TM Riddle]

The person I was speaking to is from Haryana and he said times have changed as many relatives come from the States for burials etc and they have forced the issue

Yeah with changing times you might see that stuff. Like I said in case of Vajpeyee ji, Namitha his adopted daughter did the final rites.

 

[TM Riddle]

You drink to end the mourning? Interesting.

Yeah on the 12th day. But only if the dead was an older person.
There used to be a huge feast as well back when I was a kid but that is becoming a lot less common now.

 

[Eagle_Eye]

Not really. We have specific cemeteries built for different castes.
The ones belonging to upper castes usually have walls around them with loads of peepal and other trees in them.

Also among Rajputs there used to be custom of building cenotaphs so in our shamshans you would find a lot of such memorials erected in the memory of the dead. Plenty of them in my village itself. A fine piece of architecture I would say.

There exposes my lack of knowledge...
always thought ashes were scattered in a river!!

The Hindu funeral I attended in UK, it was at crematorium and both men and women were present. Though the son pressed the button to lower the coffin to the furnace, his sister and mom were next to him.

As it happens, the family is rajput from rajhastan !

 

[MenInG]

I mentioned that part in my long post.

Many thanks for that.

 

[Eagle_Eye]

Yeah on the 12th day. But only if the dead was an older person.
There used to be a huge feast as well back when I was a kid but that is becoming a lot less common now.

In a way it makes sense, the older person had a decent innings and mourning should end with celebration of their life.

 

[TM Riddle]

There exposes my lack of knowledge...
always thought ashes were scattered in a river!!

The Hindu funeral I attended in UK, it was at crematorium and both men and women were present. Though the son pressed the button to lower the coffin to the furnace, his sister and mom were next to him.

As it happens, the family is rajput from rajhastan !

Yes ashes are scattered in the river but not all of it. I mean you can't seriously expect to take the whole content with you. It's only a small token amount. The rest is left lying there and a memorial might be built on it if the family desires so(tbh it used to happen mostly in the olden times when we were still ruling, very rarely these days). Hence you would see many old cenotaphs in our cremation grounds.
Heck some of them are as old as 400-500 years!

I have never witnessed the button method. We in my village still do it in a traditional way.

 

[TM Riddle]

In a way it makes sense, the older person had a decent innings and mourning should end with celebration of their life.

That seemed to have been the logic yeah.

 

[cricketjoshila]

There exposes my lack of knowledge...
always thought ashes were scattered in a river!!

The Hindu funeral I attended in UK, it was at crematorium and both men and women were present. Though the son pressed the button to lower the coffin to the furnace, his sister and mom were next to him.

As it happens, the family is rajput from rajhastan !

That crematorium is not exactly a Shamshaan.

 

[cricketjoshila]

That seemed to have been the logic yeah.

After the 12 day mourning period and restriction. You really need to do something to get back to normal.

 

[cricketjoshila]

It's funny that we are discussing that here since around an hour ago, Vajpeyee ji's adopted daughter Namitha performed the funerary rites by herself.
I guess it might be a cultural thing.

I am trying to find some example of daughter performing rites in our ancient texts. No luck yet.

 

[TM Riddle]

After the 12 day mourning period and restriction. You really need to do something to get back to normal.

I found the eating non veg part by Bengalis quite interesting.
Do the Brahmins partake in it as well?

 

[TM Riddle]

I am trying to find some example of daughter performing rites in our ancient texts. No luck yet.

What does Dharmshastras say about it?
@Sensible Indian Fan might have known it. He's usually quite good with this sort of stuff.

 

[cricketjoshila]

I found the eating non veg part by Bengalis quite interesting.
Do the Brahmins partake in it as well?

Yes.Brahmins in bengal odisha and some bihari communities eat non veg regularly.

Mind you. Non veg here means only fish. Nothing else.

 

[BlackShadow]

Is it true that women do not attend the funeral rites (Cremation)? or is that changing now?

I hope Hindu posters correct me if I am wrong, but cremation is only the final stage of funeral rites. Much of it is performed at the deceased's home. Women don't participate from the point body is carried to Shamshan ghat.

 

[cricketjoshila]

What does Dharmshastras say about it?
@Sensible Indian Fan might have known it. He's usually quite good with this sort of stuff.

Trying to find out. These rituals are actually guided by the Rig Veda. Both marriage and funeral.

 

[Eagle_Eye]

I am trying to find some example of daughter performing rites in our ancient texts. No luck yet.

What if your only surving close or wider family member is a female? Surely that scenario must have occurred in ancient times..

 

[cricketjoshila]

What if your only surving close or wider family member is a female? Surely that scenario must have occurred in ancient times..

Trying to find such an example. These days they allow the female.

 

[TM Riddle]

I hope Hindu posters correct me if I am wrong, but cremation is only the final stage of funeral rites. Much of it is performed at the deceased's home. Women don't participate from the point body is carried to Shamshan ghat.

Yes if I'm not wrong the washing of the body is done by women?
I'm not sure though. I hate going inside the house when a close one is dead.
The wailings are a bit too much.

 

[pillionrider]

[MENTION=139758]pillionrider[/MENTION]

Where do you guys go? Rameshwaram?

Usually it's Sangama in Srirangapatna (near Mysore)

 

[cricketjoshila]

Usually it's Sangama in Srirangapatna (near Mysore)

Which river?

Do you guys have to go to Haridwar etc atleast once in the year after death?

 

[JaDed]

Is it true that women do not attend the funeral rites (Cremation)? or is that changing now?

In my culture they do attend, but they don't light fire or perform any duties/customs.

 

[PakLFC]

I have attended a few Hindu funerals. It is very similar to how Muslim's do it in the sense that people go to the deceased person's home to pay their final respects. As is the case or culture of the East/subcontinent men and ladies are segregated. It is up to the family to decide who can see the remains of the departed soul for one last time. In the west a traditional cremation ceremony in illegal so it is held indoors like other people who prefer to be cremated. After that there are prayers at home or the temple, often both as is the case in other faith's as well.

 

[pillionrider]

Which river?

Do you guys have to go to Haridwar etc atleast once in the year after death?

Basically Kaveri. But there is at least one other river joining it. It's a confluence sort of thing.

Haven't had deaths in my immediate family in my adult age so not sure about this. Am pretty much out of religion so don't keep tabs, but haven't heard of anyone going to Haridwar specifically.

 

[DesiMunda]

1. Body remains at home with mantras/bhajans/kirtans for a little while for people to visit and pay respects
2. Body washed/cleaned (by son, or male relative) and some white clothes/sheet put on, and some flowers
3. Carried on a bamboo stretcher to the shamshaan ghat (ghat by definition is a riverbank) by 4 people on their shoulders - Normally sons, younger male relatives. These days the body is carried in a hearse upto the gates of the ghat after which the guys carry it.
4. Females can accompany to the ghat in our case
5. Body is washed again with ganga-jal (ganga water)
6. Some rituals like smashing a matka after pouring water from it around the body
7. Body laid onto the wooden pyre and ghee poured on top, and more wood is laid on top.
8. Son lights the funeral pyre. If no son, then some other male relative (these days daughters do it too)
9. When the fire is fully burning, a big wooden pole is used to tap the skull inside the pyre called Kripal kriya
.. then we go home , wash , and everyone has a meal ..
10. Next day morning, we go to collect the "phool" (bones) and ashes. One particular bone called the "atma ram" is considered particularly important and is supposed to be where the departed person's consciousness (soul) resided. There are some rituals while collecting the bones too, but basically involve the son and other male relatives going through the ashes to get all the bones and collecting them in a basket.
11. The ashes are put in any nearby river (preferably one considered holy like the Ganga)
12. The bones ("phool") are taken to a holy river site (like Haridwar) for visarjan (put in the river) after some rituals
13. There is a record of every person who came for visarjan (or otherwise) in these places (especially Haridwar). Each village has it's own pundit, so you scout out the one for your ancestral village and put your entry in there as well. It is quite heartwarming to see the writings/signatures of your ancestors in here (for me I could only go back till the 1700s for my father's village near Kurukshetra). Also interesting is that they still have pundits for villages that are in Pakistan now (atleast Pakistani Punjab and Sindh). There was one for my mother's village near Pindi that we put an entry for when her father died.
14. We do a Pind daan after the 10th day in either Haridwar, or Pehowa (if not a natural death). Pehowa is near Kurukshetra (site of Mahabharat war) and where the pind daan of the soldiers that died was supposedly done. Pind daan is a ritual to help the departed soul in their afterlife.

We are punjabi gauda brahmins, and these rites are what I remember from the last time I was involved in them. Obviously they are differences all over India among cultures, but for the most part, the cremation & visarjan aspect is similar.

 

[DeadlyVenom]

This has been an interesting thread. Are these rituals only theoretical or are they actually followed in big cities etc?

 

[DesiMunda]

This has been an interesting thread. Are these rituals only theoretical or are they actually followed in big cities etc?

The three times that most Hindus follow rituals (regardless of rural/urban divisions): Birth, Marriage, Death.

 

[TM Riddle]

This has been an interesting thread. Are these rituals only theoretical or are they actually followed in big cities etc?

Followed religiously everywhere.

 

[Itachi]

The rituals vary from culture to culture.

My father and my mother side has two complete opposite type of rituals.

Even doing pujas, my father side does idol worship but in my mother side, idol worship is strictly prohibited and seen as a sin.

So it's difficult to say the last rites in Hinduism in just one small post.

 

[TM Riddle]

The rituals vary from culture to culture.

My father and my mother side has two complete opposite type of rituals.

Even doing pujas, my father side does idol worship but in my mother side, idol worship is strictly prohibited and seen as a sin.

So it's difficult to say the last rites in Hinduism in just one small post.

What sect does auntiji come from?

 

[Itachi]

What sect does auntiji come from?

Father side follows strict brahmin rituals.

My mother is descendant from a sect which came to India from Thailand in 13th century. Initially they followed own religion but later they adopted to Hinduism. And by last two centuries, they adopted to shankari (there was a local reformer known as shankardev) branch which prohibits idol worship along with other things. They don't goto temples and don't even attend rituals where brahmin rituals are performed. Not even accepts the prasad because that comes from idol worship. The new generation is somewhat a bit relaxed in these restrictions but by book, this is how it is.

 

[TM Riddle]

Father side follows strict brahmin rituals.

My mother is descendant from a sect which came to India from Thailand in 13th century. Initially they followed own religion but later they adopted to Hinduism. And by last two centuries, they adopted to shankari (there was a local reformer known as shankardev) branch which prohibits idol worship along with other things. They don't goto temples and don't even attend rituals where brahmin rituals are performed. Not even accepts the prasad because that comes from idol worship. The new generation is somewhat a bit relaxed in these restrictions but by book, this is how it is.

Shankardev a Vaishnavite who established Namghars for bhajans and kirtans?
Didnt know they prohibit idol worship.

 

[Itachi]

Shankardev a Vaishnavite who established Namghars for bhajans and kirtans?
Didnt know they prohibit idol worship.

You are right. He established namghars for bhajans (borgeet). Though they worship Vishnu, they worship him as nirakar means he doesn't have any size or shape. You only see the kirtan (holy book) in a namghar.

 

[MenInG]

Some questions being asked about this so bumped it.

 

[Ahmad-GERMANFC]

Few questions.

1. What do people in south India etc do in terms of scattering ashes since Ganges is so far? Also does Ganges hold as much importance for let’s say Tamils and Bengalis as it does for North Indian hindus ?

2. Once a crematorium is done then is there any connection left to the deceased soul asides from memories and prayers? For example in Muslims, Christians and Jews etc ; there is a physical grave which relatives try to go from time to time. What happens for Hindus in this regard?

3. My friend also once told that if your cousin, uncle or aunt or immediate family does you can’t marry for 4 months or 6-7 months. I forget the time he told. If someone has big family with lot of old people how would to work if relatives keep passing away.

 

[street cricketer]

Few questions.

1. What do people in south India etc do in terms of scattering ashes since Ganges is so far? Also does Ganges hold as much importance for let’s say Tamils and Bengalis as it does for North Indian hindus ?

2. Once a crematorium is done then is there any connection left to the deceased soul asides from memories and prayers? For example in Muslims, Christians and Jews etc ; there is a physical grave which relatives try to go from time to time. What happens for Hindus in this regard?

3. My friend also once told that if your cousin, uncle or aunt or immediate family does you can’t marry for 4 months or 6-7 months. I forget the time he told. If someone has big family with lot of old people how would to work if relatives keep passing away.

1. Some do it in Rameswaram, which is one of the four hindu religious abodes. Some make the journey to Varanasi. But mostly people do it in nearby big water body. The people I know do it in the beach, immersing it in the Indian ocean.

2. The entire point of cremation is to release one's soul from his mortal remains. So it'd be weird to expect mortal remains or a site to hold it. There is a ritual that's conducted every year for the dead to remember them though, but you don't need necessarily need a burial site to conduct a ritual.

3. If anyone from your immediate family expires, it's generally a norm that you don't celebrate any festival for one year and that includes marriage too.

 

[Ahmad-GERMANFC]

1. Some do it in Rameswaram, which is one of the four hindu religious abodes. Some make the journey to Varanasi. But mostly people do it in nearby big water body. The people I know do it in the beach, immersing it in the Indian ocean.

2. The entire point of cremation is to release one's soul from his mortal remains. So it'd be weird to expect mortal remains or a site to hold it. There is a ritual that's conducted every year for the dead to remember them though, but you don't need necessarily need a burial site to conduct a ritual.

3. If anyone from your immediate family expires, it's generally a norm that you don't celebrate any festival for one year and that includes marriage too.

For 3. Is it really practical to follow esp in Indian families which have generally been on bigger side till recently.

For most 25+ people (peak marriage age) you may have a lot of aunts; uncles and obv old grandparents. What if one keeps dying every year

 

[street cricketer]

For 3. Is it really practical to follow esp in Indian families which have generally been on bigger side till recently.

For most 25+ people (peak marriage age) you may have a lot of aunts; uncles and obv old grandparents. What if one keeps dying every year

I may be wrong, but the marriage rule is probably strictly followed only if death happens in your own family. With uncles and aunts, you don't celebrate festivals. Even that tends to be more on the patriarchal side. For example, if your father's brother passes away, you don't celebrate, whereas if your mother's uncle or aunt passes away, while people generally keep it low key, there's no strict rule that you shouldn't celebrate as when your mother gets married, she joins the familial line of the husband, and therefore the death is not in the familial line which she has joined now. It's a bit like that.

You should probably ask these questions to a devout hindu though. I just know these things on a superficial level.