Saddest day of my life! Diagnosed with depression and anxiety

[AFM]

Dude, grow up.

 

[Romali_rotti]

Okay, so for example if i search something even remotely close to adult content. Their appears a dog and k9 web protection alert. Requiring a password and stating that adult content is restricted. It’s been like that since I was 14. My parents have told me they got my uncle an IT specialist to put it on.

Having said that I can still access social networking sites like Facebook, Instagram etc. where I talked with the girl. It is not possible for my parents to see what I talk about. Of course I delete my browsing history for it. But I use a browser and log out.

In regards to my ex, she is at my university. We hanged out together and talked on Facebook. My parents can’t come to my uni it’s an hour away from my house. I did it all in secret. But it cost me as I became very invested in her, and she used me up.

Are you sure you live in Aus ???????/ I cannot believe what I am reading kid.. Your parents have some major issues if what you are saying is the truth> tell them you are GAY and they will crap their pants and encourage you to go out and meet women. There ya go, you get the freedom you want, relief on your parent's face when you bring a female home and everyone is happy...

 

[Tubs]

Bro, my parents are exactly the same, I'm 21 and from UK.

First of all, don't listen to the religious advice, especially regarding mullahs, because it won't work. I suspect all of your problems are situational, so you'll feel much better after you're removed from your situation. Since you said you're in uni, why don't you find a Masters course in a far away city so you can move away? That's what I'm trying to do (money is a bit of an issue), and it seems like my only way out.

I fully understand your thing about izzat and not being able to move out, it's a very hard situation and I really feel for you bro. No matter how bad they may make you feel, it's okay if you don't feel as religious as them, or you don't feel religious at all. We all make our own choices, and all want different things in life. I know I haven't given much advice, but do try and think of as many ways as you can to move out. I don't think you'll get better until you do.

 

[Sher Khan]

Bro, my parents are exactly the same, I'm 21 and from UK.

First of all, don't listen to the religious advice, especially regarding mullahs, because it won't work. I suspect all of your problems are situational, so you'll feel much better after you're removed from your situation. Since you said you're in uni, why don't you find a Masters course in a far away city so you can move away? That's what I'm trying to do (money is a bit of an issue), and it seems like my only way out.

I fully understand your thing about izzat and not being able to move out, it's a very hard situation and I really feel for you bro. No matter how bad they may make you feel, it's okay if you don't feel as religious as them, or you don't feel religious at all. We all make our own choices, and all want different things in life. I know I haven't given much advice, but do try and think of as many ways as you can to move out. I don't think you'll get better until you do.

Thanks bro. Yes your are right I feel like my condition will get better if I move out. Atleast no one will judge rom put me down bro. That’s good idea, I should try to find a masters course far away. My parents might even let, considering it’s for my studies and future.

 

[DHONI183]

Havent read the thread. People make things complicated for themselves. Live a simple life and do your work in silence. Life is not that difficult if you know what you are doing. You need to think whats best for you. And dont look at other people for approval. I lost my mom at an early age and losing her made me stronger. I made some very bad decisions in her absence but as they say, what doesnt kills you, makes you stronger. Learn from your mistakes and move on in life.

I also went through an ugly pursuit after a girl who I loved unconditionally. Things fell apart between two parties. This is life - you win some, you lose some. Time is the best healer. I thought my life won’t be the same after losing my girl but I have been ok. I’m going to work and keeping myself busy. Obviously, I miss her - but you have to keep marching on.

Stay strong my boy! I know we´ve been through a lot of mental and emotional torture the recent times, but I suppose life teaches you lessons for your future the hard way. Time might indeed be the best healer, but on a similar note, life is the greatest teacher. We´ve a whole life ahead of ourselves, and Insha´Allah you´ll soon see brighter days in life. Sometimes, letting go off the past and accepting one´s fate as it is is the first step towards driving from darkness into light.

"..... If Allah finds any good in your hearts, He will give you something better than what has been taken from you... " - Qur´an 8:70.

For the time being, keep yourself busy and distracted. Oh´ and, don´t forget to support the Chennai Super Kings!

 

[Hadi Rizvi]

[MENTION=146498]Sher Khan[/MENTION]

First of all, more power to you for having the courage to share your personal story here.

Secondly, since you're 22 I'm assuming you've already graduated. Why don't you look for an odd job that pays well? Like security or taxi. You could earn enough to be able to move out and then find a shared accommodation with decent housemates. If you don't want to do an odd job try to get a job in your field so that you have a set routine for atleast weekdays. Get a gym membership and work on those muscles. Helps a lot with self-confidence and satisfaction. The last thing you wanna do in your current situation is run after girls. Be independent 1st and then think of relationships.

Lack of family support must be a huge blow, I can understand that but I'm sure you must have that one special best friend who always understands you and helps you out. Try to talk to such people asap so that you don't get deceived again. Other than that, if you're a practicing Muslim then always remember that your creator's love for you is greater than the love of 70 mothers. He is always there for you but he does test you just like he tested his beloved prophets. Don't be discouraged by hardships, rather adapt yourself and your mindset to overcome them. Learn from your hardships, always remember your good times and keep in mind that hard times have passed before hence this too shall pass and hopefully you'll be joking about it here on PP in the near future.

Best of luck.

 

[Sher Khan]

Thanks everyone for the support. It makes me feel better that their are people around that don't think I'm a loser.

 

[Technics 1210]

Call me cynical but something doesn't add up here.

You are 21, your web access has protection from adult sites - basically porn - you have no TV etc, but you have a Smartphone or some comms device from which you are posting here?

So you are depressed and full of anxiety because you cannot access adult material?

 

[Bilal7]

Okay brother. Thanks for sharing. Now their is more to my story. I have a part time job, but my family member also works there. It’s not easy getting a job here.

Furthermore, one other thing I’m embarassed about is I had a lot of money saved. Around 10,000 dollars which is one million rupees. But I was in a “relationship” recently. I thought she loved me. She was very attractive, but it’s clear she used me. She took all of the money. I’m broke and regretful now. I ask her for help but she says get another job. She won’t give me money back. I spent on her all of it. Buying her designer stuff.

So practically I have no money and no hope.

But you believe that the answer to your troubles lies in going clubbing and getting into more of these "relationships"? Clubbing will only make your depression worse, so will pornography.

The people who have made you their punching bag are acting pretty awful and I hope they find the sense to help you rather than tease you. However, don't listen to those who are trying to turn you against your parents, they're the ones who've raised you while these posters have done nothing for you.

Talk to your parents about these relatives and siblings that are harming you. Additionally, like some other people have said, start excercising. However, most importantly, try to get close to Allah (SWT) because ultimately it is He who provides peace. Go to the masjid and befriend one of the young scholars there, talk to them about your troubles and I have no doubt that if you go with the right intention, you'll find what you are looking for. Read more of the Quran, with translation. Befriend your parents, trust me dude, no one will love you as much as they do. The edge-lords that are are asking if you are man enough to cut out the two people who love you most, have bigger issues than you do.

My final bit of advice and this can be accomplished in a few months if you do the above and make dua for it, is to get married. A real, loving relationship and no, it does not have to cost you an arm and leg. However, go seek advice from an alim and definitely speak to your parents about it first so you don't get conned a second time.

May Allah ta'ala make it easy for you, man. You're not alone. Materialism and the lack of faith has depressed millions of people in countries like Australia. You'll get out of it!

 

[Sher Khan]

But you believe that the answer to your troubles lies in going clubbing and getting into more of these "relationships"? Clubbing will only make your depression worse, so will pornography.

The people who have made you their punching bag are acting pretty awful and I hope they find the sense to help you rather than tease you. However, don't listen to those who are trying to turn you against your parents, they're the ones who've raised you while these posters have done nothing for you.

Talk to your parents about these relatives and siblings that are harming you. Additionally, like some other people have said, start excercising. However, most importantly, try to get close to Allah (SWT) because ultimately it is He who provides peace. Go to the masjid and befriend one of the young scholars there, talk to them about your troubles and I have no doubt that if you go with the right intention, you'll find what you are looking for. Read more of the Quran, with translation. Befriend your parents, trust me dude, no one will love you as much as they do. The edge-lords that are are asking if you are man enough to cut out the two people who love you most, have bigger issues than you do.

My final bit of advice and this can be accomplished in a few months if you do the above and make dua for it, is to get married. A real, loving relationship and no, it does not have to cost you an arm and leg. However, go seek advice from an alim and definitely speak to your parents about it first so you don't get conned a second time.

May Allah ta'ala make it easy for you, man. You're not alone. Materialism and the lack of faith has depressed millions of people in countries like Australia. You'll get out of it!

What do you mean bro? So you think getting close to Allah and becoming religious will help me? How bro? My parents are strict because of the religion factor.

 

[Tubs]

What do you mean bro? So you think getting close to Allah and becoming religious will help me? How bro? My parents are strict because of the religion factor.

I disagree man, nothing will help until you get more freedom.

Unfortunately in Pakistani (and other South Asian) culture, mental health isn't taken seriously due to the emphasis of religion. Praying won't help, just work on a plan to get out of your current situation (and I don't necessarily mean moving out, while that would be idea, any amount of autonomy will help alleviate your pain).

 

[Sher Khan]

Call me cynical but something doesn't add up here.

You are 21, your web access has protection from adult sites - basically porn - you have no TV etc, but you have a Smartphone or some comms device from which you are posting here?

So you are depressed and full of anxiety because you cannot access adult material?

I’m not depressed coz I can’t access adult material. I wouldn’t want to either way. But it hurts me and makes me conscious seeing the control settings on my PC. It’s as if my parents don’t trust me. They think I’m a kid.

Bro, my girlfriend just ran over me and took 10,000 dollars. Maybe if I was more familiar with women and allowed to interact with them and see them. I could have avoided this situation.

 

[Sher Khan]

I disagree man, nothing will help until you get more freedom.

Unfortunately in Pakistani (and other South Asian) culture, mental health isn't taken seriously due to the emphasis of religion. Praying won't help, just work on a plan to get out of your current situation (and I don't necessarily mean moving out, while that would be idea, any amount of autonomy will help alleviate your pain).

Yes bro. I’m considering that idea a poster posted about moving to a different state or country for studies. I’m sure my parents would let. It’s for studies, my future. It will open me up more living by myself and I will become responsible. Like they want.

 

[Tubs]

Yes bro. I’m considering that idea a poster posted about moving to a different state or country for studies. I’m sure my parents would let. It’s for studies, my future. It will open me up more living by myself and I will become responsible. Like they want.

Haha, I believe that poster was me.

Good luck man, I'm very happy that it's a realistic possibility for you!

 

[light]

I have seen many brown parents who thinks depression and anxiety are a phase. Seen that happen to couple of my friends. It's quite sad. Hope you make a full recovery. Depression and anxiety should never be taken lightly.

 

[light]

Dude, grow up.

It takes a lot of courage to seek help for depression, espacially talking about it in an open forum. Why do you feel like you need to kick the man down when he is already down and under? Not cool at all. If you have never experienced depression, nor have you witnessed anyone who has experienced it, it's clearly hard for you to understand.

 

[AFM]

It takes a lot of courage to seek help for depression, espacially talking about it in an open forum. Why do you feel like you need to kick the man down when he is already down and under? Not cool at all. If you have never experienced depression, nor have you witnessed anyone who has experienced it, it's clearly hard for you to understand.

The only person who has given the OP sound and good advice is [MENTION=129948]Bilal7[/MENTION]. And the OP just scoffed it.

Again, OP, grow up.

 

[Bilal7]

What do you mean bro? So you think getting close to Allah and becoming religious will help me? How bro? My parents are strict because of the religion factor.

"Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace". I don't think it, I know it. It is in the Quran and is a tried and tested method that has been working for 1450 years. Your parents are not strict because they are religious, they are strict because they are trying to protect you from people that would otherwise take advantage of you, like that former girlfriend. They know you better than anyone here does.

 

[ataullah]

"Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace". I don't think it, I know it. It is in the Quran and is a tried and tested method that has been working for 1450 years. Your parents are not strict because they are religious, they are strict because they are trying to protect you from people that would otherwise take advantage of you, like that former girlfriend. They know you better than anyone here does.

الذین آمنوا و تطمئن قلوبھم بذکر اللہ۔۔۔الا بذکر اللہ تطمئن القلوب
Peace is in the rememberance of the lord

ومن اعرض عن ذکری فان لہ معیشة ضنکا
Whoever turns away from Allah's rememberance then for him is a tight life

It's great to see a member giving sincere advice like [MENTION=129948]Bilal7[/MENTION] some think a life displeasing parents will bring peace

 

[Robert]

I’m not depressed coz I can’t access adult material. I wouldn’t want to either way. But it hurts me and makes me conscious seeing the control settings on my PC. It’s as if my parents don’t trust me. They think I’m a kid.

Bro, my girlfriend just ran over me and took 10,000 dollars. Maybe if I was more familiar with women and allowed to interact with them and see them. I could have avoided this situation.

Hello [MENTION=146498]Sher Khan[/MENTION].

Don’t beat yourself up. Reframing this positively, you will be better able to tell manipulative user women from those who are true in heart in future. It’s a hard way to learn that lesson, but try to let it go because most of your life is in front and one can always get more money.

I had fairly strict Christian parents, God bless them. They did their best to protect me, out of love as [MENTION=129948]Bilal7[/MENTION] says. But in the end the only way I could find fulfilment and happiness was to get out on my own.

Some form of spirituality does help. Choose the system that feels right to you.

 

[Sher Khan]

Update: talked to my parents about the issues. We will be reciting some Duas on water and their taking the spiritual way of curing first. Let’s see how it goes. We are to recite it for 12 days.

I’m in deep loan as I had to borrow some money from a loan agency to cover up my mistake from my parents. But it’s okay. I will pay it off and get my life back on track.

 

[dildilpak]

Update: talked to my parents about the issues. We will be reciting some Duas on water and their taking the spiritual way of curing first. Let’s see how it goes. We are to recite it for 12 days.

I’m in deep loan as I had to borrow some money from a loan agency to cover up my mistake from my parents. But it’s okay. I will pay it off and get my life back on track.

Some hard truths here. Pirs & Fakirs in this age- do you honestly believe in them or are you simply giving in to your parents?

You are - 1.Over 21 years of age 2. Living in Australia, not in some rural area of Pakistan. I dont understand how you can be so subservient to your parents whim & fancies in this age. As somebody else mentioned, get a job or get into a masters program in other city & get out! You dont have to put yourself through s*** to fulfill your parents unreasonable expectations. You will be happy the day you stop trying to please your parents all the time.

But one thing- freedom from parents does not only mean girls. Freedom also comes with responsibilities - you have to act maturely & show that you are capable of taking care of yourself. At this age- your education & career should be your priority, not just girlfriends. Somehow your posts don’t show you are mature enough to take care of yourself & that is why probably nobody in your family takes you seriously.

I mean no disrespect to your parents, but honestly i cannot get over their controlling nature. Its one thing to be religious, but what they are doing is mental abuse. Nor do i understand some Pakistani parents (i know a few in my extended family) who shift to a western country for a better life, but want to completely keep away their off-springs from western values. Why go to another country then? All this cultural confusion is leading more desi kids into depression.

 

[Sher Khan]

Some hard truths here. Pirs & Fakirs in this age- do you honestly believe in them or are you simply giving in to your parents?

You are - 1.Over 21 years of age 2. Living in Australia, not in some rural area of Pakistan. I dont understand how you can be so subservient to your parents whim & fancies in this age. As somebody else mentioned, get a job or get into a masters program in other city & get out! You dont have to put yourself through s*** to fulfill your parents unreasonable expectations. You will be happy the day you stop trying to please your parents all the time.

But one thing- freedom from parents does not only mean girls. Freedom also comes with responsibilities - you have to act maturely & show that you are capable of taking care of yourself. At this age- your education & career should be your priority, not just girlfriends. Somehow your posts don’t show you are mature enough to take care of yourself & that is why probably nobody in your family takes you seriously.

I mean no disrespect to your parents, but honestly i cannot get over their controlling nature. Its one thing to be religious, but what they are doing is mental abuse. Nor do i understand some Pakistani parents (i know a few in my extended family) who shift to a western country for a better life, but want to completely keep away their off-springs from western values. Why go to another country then? All this cultural confusion is leading more desi kids into depression.

You are correct, bro. I just have to focus on education and my career for now. Hopefully a well paying job, and I can simply walk away from home and rent an apartment.

 

[Sirris]

Update: talked to my parents about the issues. We will be reciting some Duas on water and their taking the spiritual way of curing first. Let’s see how it goes. We are to recite it for 12 days.

I’m in deep loan as I had to borrow some money from a loan agency to cover up my mistake from my parents. But it’s okay. I will pay it off and get my life back on track.

What did the talk revolve around?

Was it general, as in you told them you feel depressed and have mental health issues.

Or did you mention specific things bothering you and how you think they can be solved.

Like from what I remember, did you tell them that it mentally effects you and they should stop calling you "dumb" and by other demeaning nicknames? Not just your parents but all your siblings and cousins must stop too.

Did you also tell them you would like to indulge in more "halal" outdoor activities over the weekend like meeting with your male friends, playing billiard or going on a hike?

From the purposed solution it seems as if the focus was on "unexplained" psychological issue from your parents perspective and should be solved by drinking "blessed" water. The blessed water isn't going to make you immune to bullying nor is it going to fulfill your need for fun times.

 

[Sirris]

I’m not depressed coz I can’t access adult material. I wouldn’t want to either way. But it hurts me and makes me conscious seeing the control settings on my PC. It’s as if my parents don’t trust me. They think I’m a kid.

Bro, my girlfriend just ran over me and took 10,000 dollars. Maybe if I was more familiar with women and allowed to interact with them and see them. I could have avoided this situation.

If you want to improve your social skills why not join a club at your university. A debate club, entrepreneur club or some other type which you find interesting. There you will learn how to meet new people and make friends.

Heck, even join a Muslim students group, sonce that would be mkre acceptable to your parents. Of course you don't have to be a pious Muslim to join one and I am pretty sure you will find like minded people there. You dont necessarily have to hang out with those who give the ultra-conservative vibe.

You have to tell your parents that lack of outdoor and social activity is what's causing you psychological issues and not some random stress or satanic influence.