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The Lame Jokes Thread

Ijaz Butt Ijazz Butt

Where have you been?

I’ve been to London to see the Queen

Ijaz Butt Ijazz But

What did you do there?

I slandered a cricketboard under her care
 
What did the spectator miss when he went to the toilet?
The entire Pakistani Innings.

copied from a site
 
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heres a lame one

why did harbajan called andrew symonds a monkey

because his turban was on to tight.
 
A man walks into a bar but quickly walks out again as he had left his wallet at home and the bartender does not give him credit anymore.
 
How many pancakes can you fit in a mini?

Seven, because a bowling ball has 3 holes.
 
What do you get if you cross an Elephant with a Kangaroo?

A genetically unstable animal that dies shortly after birth.
 
Super Sixer said:
:O wow didnt realize someone had posted this already
Come to think of it,I dont remember where I got it from.:))

And am not Humna! lol you are confusing me with princess_10 :)))
Click to expand...

guess i should quit PP for 10 days and concentratet fully on my exam :(
 
what did batman say to robin before they got into the batmobile??


"Robin, get into the batmobile".
 
Whats the difference between the people in Dubai and the people in Abu Dhabi?

The people in Dubai don,t like the flintstones ,
and the people in Abu Dhabi Doooooooo........ (yabba dabba doooooo)
 
Q1) Why did the dead baby cross the road?








A- Because it was stapled to a chicken
 
What do you call a baby in a blender?


I don't know, just making conversation!
 
Doctor, Doctor, there's a lump in my neck.


I know. It's cancer. We've been in touch with the adoption agencies to secure the future of your 3 year old daughter as you only have about 7 months to live.
 
I recently purchased the latest cricket game for my PS3...


Upon opening the packaging, I realised the disc was broken!


...so I decided to send it to the Pakistan cricket team because I hear they can fix any game.
 
How does Chuck Norris draw a perfect circle?

He can't because drawing a perfect circle is impossible for human beings and Chuck Norris, contrary to what his admirers may believe, is only human.
 
A duck walks into an off-license and says "Give me some Chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the shop-keeper doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins praying for forgiveness. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.
 
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb.

One. It's fairly easy once you get used to doing it.
 
edit - How far is 'too far' with these? lol.
 
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because chickens are very absent-minded creatures. The chances are the chicken saw some form of bug or other edible life form from across the road and decided to venture over in that direction. If the road was not there, the chicken would most likely have still crossed that same expanse of ground, regardless of potential consequences.
 
80% of the material gone right there then. Oh well. :(
 
Haha! I'm sure a bit of improv can come in handy. There's 11 pages of this stuff already!

Three Priests walk into a strip club but are spotted by some members of their respective communities. They lose their respect and their positions in their local places of worship.
 
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What did Timmy get for Christmas from his sweet old Granny Edwina?


Nothing. Edwina suffered a fatal stroke on Thanksgivings Day. Timmy and the rest of the family have spent most of this Christmas arranging the funeral.
 
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse on it's chin.

Its descendants became giraffes.
 
A mushroom walks in a bar and orders a drink.

Bartender refuses to serve it.

Mushroom replies "Why not, I'm a fungi ?"
 
Latvian Boy: "But Mama, I are no like grandma"

Latvian Mother: "Eat anyway. Is no potatoe."
 
Chuck Norris once leaned against a tree.

He found it alleviated his fatigue somewhat and the cool shade also gave him some respite from the hot summer sun.
 
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!


Thats the least of your problems. You've got AIDS.
 
Robert Stevens was a prodigy. At age 18, he publishd a paper on nuclear physics and the unique behaviour of sub-atomic particles when subjected to gravitational forces of cosmic proportions. He eventually went on to win the nobel prize, married, had two kids and was a decent law-abiding citizen. His was a name known all across thw world and he was working on a goverment project which would increase the capacity of his nations defence forces beyond all thought.

Yet last night while walking home from a restaruant at 8pm, he was picked up by the police and beaten within an inch of his life.

Reason? Robert Stevens was black
 
I brought a DVD yesterday, and i am furious with my purchase, the goddamn thing has a massive hole in it !
 
kashif77 said:
okkk ... some of these aren't even jokes !
Click to expand...

That is the general idea. Some people, generally the sick and twisted, tend to find that amusing. Isn't that right Boi?


Whats funny about a pile of dead people?

Nothing. It's actually quite a sickening image.
 
:))) love the anti-jokes being posted by Sledger and Ace

What did the little boy with cancer say right before he died?

Nothing. He was very sick, and could not speak during the last few weeks of his life.
 
One day, little Frankie was outside when it started to rain. But the rain was different from the usual rain - this rain was a shiny green substance. Frankie laughed as it fell on him. He opened his mouth and caught it on his tongue. "I will call it 'grooby'!!" he said. Frankie captured a jarful and brought it to his elementary school to show everyone. His friends were jealous and asked what it is. Frankie proudly said "It's 'grooby'!" Later in class, Frankie's teacher saw it and asked him what it is. Frankie said "It's 'grooby'! I named it!" She laughed and went back to the chalkboard. Frankie took his jar of grooby to his science teacher. "Look at my jar of grooby, Mr. Harris!" Mr. Harris said, "Frankie, you shouldn't call it grooby - you should call it 'nuclear waste'. The nearby reactor had a leak causing nuclear acid rain". Frankie gasped. Mr. Harris asked, "Frankie, you didn't happen to drink any did you?" Frankie reluctantly nodded. Harris ended with, "Frankie, I'm afraid you're going to get cancer and die."
 
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Their names, if you know them.
 
Knock knock

Who's there?

Opportunity.

Rubbish! Opportunity only knocks once!

Oh alright then. I'm actually here to reposess your TV because you havent made payments for 3 months.
 
Latvian try to cross river. Has dog, potatoes, and dead pig for eat. Can only take two across river at one time. If he leave dog with potatoes or pig, dog eat them. Is very sad. Also is not good boat.
 
^ HA! IS too easy! Plant potato with pig for fertilize. Eat dog. Burn boat for warm and not die.
 
One potatoe, one potatoe, one potatoe, no more potatoe.

Soldier eat potatoe and shoot family.
 
Knock Knock.

Come in.

Thanks. It was cold out there.
 
Q: What is happening if cross Latvian and potato?

A: This is cruel joke. Please, no more.
 
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?


There are several differences but the timing of this comparison shows an apparent lack of respect, especially as the former died recently, leaving many in the music industry still mourning the King of Pop.
 
I would strongly urge everyone, who by some ill twist of fate happen to venture this way, to go back and read DM's posts on this thread. I guarantee you will be most amused. Sample below.


DM said:
Q: Why is inflation continuing to rise?

A: Leave me alone dad!
Click to expand...


Absolutely legendary, like the man himself.
 
why did the boy eat his homework?

because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake
 
OK A serious joke


two men are walking a bridge when they both have the urge to pee. well they are both "big" so they just hang their stuff off the side of the bridge. well both men touched the water. after awhile one of the men couldnt stand the scilence between them and said "wow" this water is cold!" the other man just looked over at him and said "yup, its deep too!"
 
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Idiot.

Idiot who?

Karl Pilkington.

Really? Wow! Can I have your autograph please?
 
Whats worse than The Holocaust?

Your face! No seriously, you are grotesque and I feel very strongly about it. Hideous person!
 
(Friday afternoons can be such a drag! This is the only thing keeping me sane ... or not)

What do you get if you cross a Sea Horse with a Hippopotamus?

Thats just bloody weird!
 
knock knock
who's there?
its knock knock joke.
what you want?
plz hide me, hide me, PPers are after me.
 
ace4rmspace said:
Knock knock

Knock Knock

Knock KNOCK

I don't think anyone's home. (walks off)
Click to expand...

door opens and a man throws water at him. April fool!!!
what? you wet my clothes and its not even April!!
just joking big boy. chill! come on in!
 
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Here's my own, original attempt:

What did the handicapped priest do at night?

He went to sleep, as most human beings do. Being handicapped, or being a priest, would not make any difference to what he would do at night. Sleep is necessary for human beings as it affects our mental, physical, and emotional well-being.

:D
 
A black man walks into a bar with the most beautiful parrot one had ever seen.

The bartender truly astonished with the creature asked:

"Wow, that's something rare you've got there! Where did you find it?"

The parrot replied: "Africa!"
 
Three black men are riding in the back of a car. Who's driving?




Their father, who, along with his wife in the passenger's seat, are taking their three children out to the seaside.
 
A Pakistani man is in the back seat of a car. Who is driving?

No one. He has just broken in through the back door and will now attempt to hotwire the car.
 
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