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The Lame Jokes Thread

Easa said:
What exact event occurred when the youngster's mother barged in to his room, at the sliver of midnight, and inexplicably caught him engaging in activity of a most illegal nature?

The younger merrily continued without as much as the blink of an eye.
Click to expand...

What were you doing?
 
That reminds me of another great one.

--

Paddy wins £9m on the lottery.

As she rushes into the living room to celebrate with her husband, she finds the dexterous man of age 60 unconcious on the floor beside the mahagony coffee table, blood-stains rudely staining the well preserved Afghan carpet. Later that night, after surgeries, a few miracles, and medical ingenuity, the husband survived this near-fatal accident.

The hospital bills cost £9m.
 
Easa said:
That reminds me of another great one.

--

Paddy wins £9m on the lottery.

As she rushes into the living room to celebrate with her husband, she finds the dexterous man of age 60 unconcious on the floor beside the mahagony coffee table, blood-stains rudely staining the well preserved Afghan carpet. Later that night, after surgeries, a few miracles, and medical ingenuity, the husband survived this near-fatal accident.

The hospital bills cost £9m.
Click to expand...

And this bill was footed by the taxpayer as the NHS is a public organisation although private healthcare is available with organisations such as BUPA.
 
EASA!!!!!! youngster merrily continued, "he died", "bills cost £9m" you absolute ox-ape, why are you an ox-ape just tell me right this instant :))) :))) :))) :))) :))) :))) :)))
 
Easa said:
Why was the opening batsman unable to play for his side against their long-time rivals?

He was in a freak accident the night before. He died.
Click to expand...

Easa said:
Do you remember the reaction of that youngster with his whole life ahead of him, when the doctor, after observing his medicinal report, declared that he had an unnerving tumor lodged discreetly inside his brain, blocking off mental support and leaving him horridly dull and without an inkling of a hope to live, love, or laugh again?

Oh, you don't remember the reaction? Well, the youngster sobbed. Yes. He sobbed.
Click to expand...

Easa said:
That reminds me of another great one.

--

Paddy wins £9m on the lottery.

As she rushes into the living room to celebrate with her husband, she finds the dexterous man of age 60 unconcious on the floor beside the mahagony coffee table, blood-stains rudely staining the well preserved Afghan carpet. Later that night, after surgeries, a few miracles, and medical ingenuity, the husband survived this near-fatal accident.

The hospital bills cost £9m.
Click to expand...

Easa said:
What exact event occurred when the youngster's mother barged in to his room, at the sliver of midnight, and inexplicably caught him engaging in activity of a most illegal nature?

The younger merrily continued without as much as the blink of an eye.
Click to expand...


:))):))) This thread is alive and well. That was the funniest shiz I've ever read. :afridi
 
Easa said:
That reminds me of another great one.

--

Paddy wins £9m on the lottery.

As she rushes into the living room to celebrate with her husband, she finds the dexterous man of age 60 unconcious on the floor beside the mahagony coffee table, blood-stains rudely staining the well preserved Afghan carpet. Later that night, after surgeries, a few miracles, and medical ingenuity, the husband survived this near-fatal accident.

The hospital bills cost £9m.
Click to expand...

The patient, a dexterous man of age 60, saw the hospital bill and he died. Yes, he died. Paddy blamed the doctors and walked out of the hospital, taking the £9m along with her.
 
5ppe9ipr2.jpg


not really a joke but...
 
Why did the clown fall off the swing?

He was a war veteran and had his arms blown off in Iraq.
 
Why did the clown fall off the swing?

Because he realized that in the end, everything ends up dead or wounded - and he wanted to quicken the process.
 
Why did the clown fall of the swing?

His wife hates him.
 
Why did the clown fall off the swing?

His wife left him for Arnie the milkman. Yes, you heard that right. Arnie the milkman.
 
Why did the clown fall off the swing?

Because he was dumb. Not dumb as in having the IQ of a mule-ox. But dumb as in mute. He cant speak, and had to use sign language to say he was having fun. He fell and died. Yes, he died.
 
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Eugene and Reggie of Westchester county were playing hide and seek in the nearby forest area. It was Eugene's turn to hide and Reggie went around searching for him. Reggie searched for 1hr......2hrs.......4hrs.....he started to get worried as it was getting dark. He rushed home and informed Eugene's parents who informed the local county police. They searched for three days but Eugene was never found......EVER.

A year later they awarded Eugene with best player of hide and seek.
 
Easa!! :))) :)))

Once upon a time, in fair Verona, two star-crossed lovers were destined to meet.

But they didn't.

The boy developed an inoperable brain tumour at the age of eleven and duly died a few months later. The girl spent most of her fruitful years caring after her mother who was rotting away with Alzheimer's and never even knew about the now deceased boy's existence.
 
Blaze, Eas, Imes, Nikred :))) x X-billion, absolutely love this thread

come on people, let's see more :D
 
Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?

He lay awake all night wondering if there really is a Dog !
 
A lorry driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck?" The lorry driver says, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
 
This is absolute gold

DM, Blazer and Easa

lol...long may you continue with this

my afternoon at work has been spent silently laughing, and wiping tears in the corner...there is no way anybody else in the office would find this sh*t funny

which makes it all the more hilarious
 
saqibsalman said:
This is absolute gold

DM, Blazer and Easa

lol...long may you continue with this

my afternoon at work has been spent silently laughing, and wiping tears in the corner...there is no way anybody else in the office would find this sh*t funny

which makes it all the more hilarious
Click to expand...

Its mostly because of the evil intent inspired by their writings, often ending in a picture of :afridi , which makes the jokes even more "inside". All I know is that anti-humor is THE BEST humor.
 
A Rishta (proposal for marriage) comes from a male hippo to a female rat. Unfortunately the rat's family rejected it. Why?
His teeth were too big

This was told by a Pakistani Khala of mine just recently!
 
DM said:
Q: What did the president of the youth branch of the Erectile Dysfunction Association do after their successful 14th Annual Congress which highlighted strategies and emphasis on positive outlooks in life, in addition to discussing the current situation in medical research?

A: He killed himself is what he did. He killed himself.
Click to expand...

:))):))) This one killed me.
 
The Blazer said:
Easa!! :))) :)))

Once upon a time, in fair Verona, two star-crossed lovers were destined to meet.

But they didn't.

The boy developed an inoperable brain tumour at the age of eleven and duly died a few months later. The girl spent most of her fruitful years caring after her mother who was rotting away with Alzheimer's and never even knew about the now deceased boy's existence.
Click to expand...
:))) :))) :))) this story is so much better then Romeo and Juliet...
 
The university professor had his mind blown by an outstanding thesis from one of his students.

When asked by a colleague about what elements of the thesis he found so remarkable, the good professor didn't say much. Probably because his cranium had been disproportionally deposited around the room.
 
^lol

What do you call a guy with one arm?

Peter because that is his name
 
Not lame at all, but couldn't find a better thread.

NAKED LUNCH: Blow daddy
Friday, 02 Jan, 2009 | 12:46 PM PST |
Nadeem F. Paracha

4.jpg


Daddy?
Yes, son.
Are we going to have a war with India?
Perhaps.
Oh, goody. We will thrash them, right? Like we did in 1857!
It wasn’t in 1857, son.
Oh, okay. But whom did we thrash in 1857?
The British, son…
And the Hindus too, right?
Well…
Did Quaid-i-Azam fight in that war along with Muhammad bin Qasim and Imran Khan?
No, son. The Quaid and Imran were born much later and Muhammad bin Qasim died many years before.
Then who ruled Pakistan in those days?
There was no Pakistan in those days, son.
But there was always a Pakistan! It has been there for 5,000 years!
Who have you been talking to, son?
No one. I’ve just been watching TV.
It figures.
Daddy, why are all these people against us Arabs?
Arabs? But we aren’t Arabs, son.
Of course we are because our ancestors were Arabs!
No, son. Our ancestors were of the subcontinental stock.
Sub-what?
Never mind.You seem to like wars, son.
Yes. I like to watch them on TV.
But real wars are fought outside the TV, son.
Really? How is that possible? What sort of a war is that?
Never mind.
Daddy, you look worried.
Of course, I am, you little warmongering punk!
Daddy! Why are you scolding me?
Because TV is talking rot and so are you!
Daddy, are you supporting Hindus?
No!
Daddy, have you become a kafir?
Keep quiet! No more TV for you! Go watch a movie on DVD or listen to a CD.
Can’t do that.
But we have so many DVDs and CDs, son.
Not any more.
What do you mean?
I burned them all.
What?!
I burned them all.
I heard that! But why?
They spread obscenity.
Oh, God. Son, go do your homework. What happened to that science project you were working on?
It’s almost complete.
Good boy. What are you making?
A bomb.
What?!
A bomb.
I heard that! But why?
Because I am a true Muslim who hates America.
But only last week you wanted to go to Disney Land.
That’s different.
How come?
Mickey Mouse is Muslim.
No, he isn’t.
Is so. He converted when he heard azaan on the moon.
On the moon?
Yes. Because the earth is flat and…
What??
The earth is…
I heard that!
Daddy, do you want to see my science project, or not?
Gosh, that bomb? But your science teacher will fail you.
No, she wont.
Really?
Yes. I plan to blow her up as well.
God, what is wrong with you? Go call your mother!
She can’t come.
Why not?
I’ve locked her in the kitchen.
But what for?
A woman’s place is in the kitchen. I will not let her out until she covers herself up peoperly!
But she’s your mother!
She’s also a woman!
So?
So she should be hidden.
Hidden from whom?
The whole world and Tony.
Tony?
Yes, Tony.
But Tony’s a cat.
Yes. But he’s male.
Son, have you gone mad?
No. By the way, I’ve made sure Kitto starts covering up as well.
Kitto?
Yes, Kittto.
But Kitto’s a cat!
Yes. But a female cat.
But she’ll suffocate.
Oh, she’s already dead.
What?
She’s already dead.
I heard that! But how?
I buried her alive.
You what?
Yes. To avenge Tony’s honour. But now I will behead Tony.
But why?
To save mom’s honour!
Oh, God!
Don’t say that. Always say Allah.
What’s the difference?
Daddy, do you want to be beheaded too?
No!
Do you want to be stoned to death?
No!
Do you want to be flogged?
No!
Do you want to get your arms chopped off?
No!
Then stop asking silly questions. By the way, I won’t call you daddy anymore.
What will you call me then?
Whatever that is Arabic for daddy.
I don’t know any Arabic, son.
That’s because you are a kafir.
Who the heck are you to tell me who I am, you little fascist twit!
What’s a fascist?
An irrational, violent, self-righteous mad man!
W... aaaaaaa...
Why are you crying?
You scolded me.
Okay, I’m sorry. You have to be tolerant and rational, son. Now be a good boy and go read a book instead of watching TV.
I have no books.
Of course, you do. I bought you so many books.
I burned them.
What?
I burned them.
But why?
They were all in English.
So?
It’s a non-Muslim language!
But we are speaking English, aren’t we?
W... aaaaaaa…
What now?
Zionists made me forget my Arabic.
But you never knew any Arabic, son.
W... aaaa… yes, I did until you and mommy gave me the polio drops… aaaaa…
Okay, tell me, can you do me a favour?
Sure, dad.
Can you blow up something for me?
Oh, goody! Of course, dad. What should I blow? A CD shop, a hotel, a school...?
No, no, something a lot more sinister.
Mom?
No, no…
What then?
The TV set!
What?
Blow the TV set.
I heard that! But why?
Just do it!
I see. Dad?
Yes.
You’re so unconstitutional!

http://www.dawn.net/wps/wcm/connect/Dawn Content Library/dawn/in-paper-magazine/images/blow+daddy


Do read it all, very entertaining.
 
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What did the man, dressed in a strikingly sharp green suit that complimented the sweat perspiring from his bald head, say when he got off at the wrong level from the elevator?


Oh dear me, this isn't my floor. I was supposed to go to Level 7
 
Why did the little boy say his prayers every night?
- Because every night at 2A.M. when his dad comes home drunk he hears him beat his mom and wonders when he will be next.
 
Knock Knock

Man: Who's there?

Pizza boy: Pizza

Man: I'm sorry, you may have the wrong address

Pizza boy :O Oh...this isn't 53 Everton Road?

Man: No, this is 55, you may want to try next door

Pizza boy:Alright, cool, thanks.

Man: No problems.
 
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A one eyed man was walking down the street.

He walked into a post box because he has no depth perception.

All the while, he still tried to sue Australia Post for compensation for his injuries that subsequently followed the violent contact with the post box.

Australia Post responded that they don't have post boxes in Bulgaria.

The man failed. Just as he failed at everything else in life.
 
Homer Simpson walks into a library and shouts, "Can I have a cheeseburger?!"

The librarian replies in a whisper, "This is a library!"

Homer Simpson replies in a whisper, " can i have a cheeseburger?"
 
what did the blonde say when she opened a box of cherios?

oh look donut seeds!!!
 
1) That's not right ....................... Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?............. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) Small Horse ......................... Tai Ni Po Ni
4) Did you go to the beach? ............ Wai Yu So Tan
5) I bumped into a coffee table ........ Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
6) I think you need a face lift ........... Chin Tu Fat
7) It's very dark in here ................. Wao So Dim
8) I thought you were on a diet ........... Wai Yu Mun Ching
9) This is a tow away zone ................ No Pah King
10) Staying out of sight ................ Lei Ying Lo
11) He's cleaning his automobile .......... Wa Shing Ka
12) Your body odor is offensive ........... Yu Stin Ki Pu
13) Great .................................. Fa Kin Su Pah
 
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^lol some of them are classic

Why was the Lebanese man of Syrian descent confused?

Because he had no idea what to get at the vending machine.
 
Robert Stevens was a prodigy. At age 18, he publishd a paper on nuclear physics and the unique behaviour of sub-atomic particles when subjected to gravitational forces of cosmic proportions. He eventually went on to win the nobel prize, married, had two kids and was a decent law-abiding citizen. His was a name known all across thw world and he was working on a goverment project which would increase the capacity of his nations defence forces beyond all thought.

Yet last night while walking home from a restaruant at 8pm, he was picked up by the police and beaten within an inch of his life.

Reason? Robert Stevens was black
 
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink? Just-one Singh.

What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer? Just-beer Singh

No offence meant
 
Indiafan said:
Robert Stevens was a prodigy. At age 18, he publishd a paper on nuclear physics and the unique behaviour of sub-atomic particles when subjected to gravitational forces of cosmic proportions. He eventually went on to win the nobel prize, married, had two kids and was a decent law-abiding citizen. His was a name known all across thw world and he was working on a goverment project which would increase the capacity of his nations defence forces beyond all thought.

Yet last night while walking home from a restaruant at 8pm, he was picked up by the police and beaten within an inch of his life.

Reason? Robert Stevens was black
Click to expand...
:))

Gold
 
Scene: An evening on the moors

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, look up, Tell me what you see.

Dr. Watson: Well Holmes, the sky is clear, the moon is out, and I can see oorion to the east. I guess that it is about 3 in the morning.

Holmes: All correct Watson, but what else do you see?

Watson: Um Holmes, nothing. Whats wrong?

Holmes: Exactly, nothing. Someone has stolen our tent!
 
:))) :))) :))) guys, amazing stuff amazing more and more of you are getting it
saqibsalman said:
What did the man, dressed in a strikingly sharp green suit that complimented the sweat perspiring from his bald head, say when he got off at the wrong level from the elevator?


Oh dear me, this isn't my floor. I was supposed to go to Level 7
Click to expand...
:))) :))) :)))

and some other gold ones above :)))
 
lol DM is back, the craziness can begin again.

How do you know when you have been robbed by an Asian?

When you get home one night to find the house ransacked and half of your stuff missing. Later on the cops find an Asian man fleeing the scene with all of your stuff in his backpack.
 
What is red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing razor blades.


What is green and sits in the corner?
The same baby a month later!

:31:
 
nikred said:
What is red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing razor blades.


What is green and sits in the corner?
The same baby a month later!

:31:
Click to expand...

:))) :))) :))) that's disgusting...
 
Continuing with the Chinese theme

A person who has bought what he wanted .......... Deng Xiaoping
 
classic homer simpson joke...

Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done.

Homer Simpson
 
Latest Funny Jokes Thread

Lets post some jokes. Please avoid dirty ones :D

Here is one from me


Y do couples hold hands during their wedding?

It’s a formality just like two boxers
shaking hands before the fight begins!

:)))
 
An australian backpacker walks into a bar and orders a* pint of lager from the barmaid. She recognises his* accent and they begin chatting. Over the course of the* night they get to know each other quite well. At the* end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to* his place for sex. Although she is attracted to him,* she declines. He then offers her two hundred quid. The* waitress is also travelling the world and is short of* funds, so she agrees.
The next night he returns and* orders another lager. Later in the evening, he offers* her another two hundred quid for her services. She is* only too happy to agree. This goes on for five* nights.
On the sixth night, the traveller comes in,* orders a lager and sits in the corner. Hoping to earn* more cash in another night of passion, the waitress* pulls up a seat, and asks him where's he's* from.
"Melbourne," the traveller* replies.
"So am I! What suburb in Melbourne?"* she asks.
"Glen Iris," he* replies.
"That's amazing," she says,* "so am I! What street?"
"Cameo Street,* he replies.
"This is unbelievable," she says.* "What number?"
"Number* 20."
"You are not going to believe this but* I'm from number 22 and my parents still live* there!"
"I know," the man replies.* "Your father gave me a thousand pounds to give to* you."
 
I can't decide whether to go to australia or* Thailand this year for a holiday. So I decided to weigh* up the pros and cons of both.

australia has a load of* Cons, but Thailand has lots of Pros.???????
 
An australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks* into a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch* patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little* fun.
Ventriloquist: "G'day bloke! Good looking* dog, mate. Mind if I speak to him?"
Kiwi:* "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid* Aussie."
Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's* it going old mate?"
Dog: "Doin'* alright."
The Kiwi gets a look of extreme shock on* his face.
Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your* owner?", pointing at the Kiwi.
Dog:* "Yep."
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat* you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a* day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once* a week to play."
The Kiwis expression of disbelief* doesn't change.
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk* to your horse?"
Kiwi: "Uh, the horse* doesn't talk either...I think."
Ventriloquist:* "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse:* "Cool."
The Kiwi gets even more* shocked.
Ventriloquist: "Is this your* owner?"
Horse: "Yep."
Ventriloquist:* "How's he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty* good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes* me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me* from the elements."
Now the Kiwi has a look of* total amazement on his face.
Ventriloquist: "Mind* if I talk to your sheep?"
To which the Kiwi* replied, "The sheep's a liar."
 
Why are Popeye's biceps so big?

Because he has maligant tumours growing inside them.
 
"After Monday (M) and Tuesday (T) even the week reads W.T.F. !!!"

i.e Wednesday, Thursday & Friday.
 
JeeraBlade said:
"After Monday (M) and Tuesday (T) even the week reads W.T.F. !!!"

i.e Wednesday, Thursday & Friday.
Click to expand...

Classic:))):))):))):))):)))!!!!!
 
JeeraBlade said:
"After Monday (M) and Tuesday (T) even the week reads W.T.F. !!!"

i.e Wednesday, Thursday & Friday.
Click to expand...

wow.........never noticed that. :)) :)) :)) :))
 
Mallu jokes.

1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
--- IngumDax

2) Where did the Malayali study?
--- In the ko-liage.

3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
--- He is very bissi.

4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
--- To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.

5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
--- To yearn meney.

6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
--- He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.

7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
--- MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen

8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
--- Yem Bee Yae. :))

9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ?
--- He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.

10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
--- An Oto

11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask

12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
--- A Malaya-Lee of coarse.

13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
--- Kerala.

14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
--- Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi

15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?
--- He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
--- " Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "

17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football teams ?
--- Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.

18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of kokanet oil.

19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs.

20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of BROGUN bones....
 
A man goes for a job interview and it goes something like this.
Q: Name?
A: XYZ.
Q: D.O.B?
A: 5/09/1973.
Q: Where were you born?
A. Punjab.
Q: Which part?
A; What which part?Whole body was born in punjab.
 
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door.

When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder,

'You Sign! You sign!'

Nelson says to him, 'Look, you've obviously got the wrong man', and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again.

When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.

He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling,

'You sign! You sign!'

Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting:

'Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!' Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again.

On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting,

'You sign! You sign!'

Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts..

This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little Man by his shirt front and yells at him:

'Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?'

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:



(It's a beauty)






(Wait for it)





(Get your best Chinese accent ready)







'You not Nissan Main Deala?'
 
Let's bump this, shall we?

A man walks into a bar

Now he needs stitches on his forehead because he was walking pretty fast.
:afridi


Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind abush, a rabbit leaps out
and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders
off.
 
A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant:

first:
get a huge block of marble;

then:
you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant
 
A musical reviewer admitted he always praised the first show of a
new theatrical season. "Who am I to stone the first cast?"
 
How many elephants can you fit in a Mini?

None, it's far too small for an elephant.
 
I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a
novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
 
saeed-sohail said:
A man goes for a job interview and it goes something like this.
Q: Name?
A: XYZ.
Q: D.O.B?
A: 5/09/1973.
Q: Where were you born?
A. Punjab.
Q: Which part?
A; What which part?Whole body was born in punjab.
Click to expand...
your flag meant to be panama ? :jm
 
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About 2 hours.” The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, “About 3 hours.” The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around the shop and says, “About an hour and half.”
The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, “Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn’t come back.”
A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, “Bill, where did he go when he left here?”
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, “Your house!”
 
During a recent password audit,
it was found that a blonde was using
the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password,
she said that it had to be
at least 8 characters long.
 
JeeraBlade said:
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About 2 hours.” The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, “About 3 hours.” The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?”
The barber looks around the shop and says, “About an hour and half.”
The guy leaves. The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, “Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn’t come back.”
A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, “Bill, where did he go when he left here?”
Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, “Your house!”
Click to expand...


that's actually a good one
 
This is one of the funniest things i've EVER heard, a friend of mine actually wet himself laughing once...seriously!

Its goes like, there was once a man who......what thats mum? Dinner time......chalo, bye everyone.
 
then your friend has serious bladder control issues...definitely a lame joke there.
 
Two guys taking a geography test in Class in Pakistan

One friend whispers to the other

"What is the capital of Japan?"

Friend: "Shhh, ziyada na Tokyo."
 
A french ambassador to China sets off to Beijng for a very important meeting. He meets some chinese people on the flight. On arrival, he has his luggage taken to his hotel room.

The next day, he goes into the meeting where he meets the Chinese Minister of Internal Affairs. After congratulatories, he remarks ' I swear I've met you before. First I saw you on my flight. Then you carried my luggage to my hotel room. In the morning, you were dressed as room service. And just now, I saw you in the city centre when making my way here. Were you spying on me?'
 
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