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The Lame Jokes Thread

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How come there is no more "aazaab" (Such as: Floods, Earthquakes) in Pakistan?

Cuz nature knows that it cant do more harm then Fuc### Zardari.
 
Salim: Yaar aaj kal tum miltay hi nahin ho. KAhan pay ghoom rahay ho?
Malik: Bas yaar TIME he nahin milta.

A clock overheard their conversation and said with anger: Then Ti Me
 
Suspected addition from DM with a little bit of my touch.


Then Malik panicked because he saw a clock talking. The clock startled him so he hammered the clock to the ground. Only few seconds after his anger episode he realized that the clock was the last asset he owns and now he is broke. He became depressed and as result he started to drink alcohol. And then he had to stop praying namaz because he was "napaak" all the time. After a month of this horrifying incident he decided to take his life. He jumped in to a swamp full of alligators. He was rescued by the hunters after his left arm and right leg was eaten by the hideous creature. He had developed infection which was called "Fuc### Zardari Effeect" The doctrs then had to sacrfice his other arm and leg to Fuc ### Zardari effect" Now Malik is in a civil hospital feeling like Pakistan. Doctors running theory is that "Fuc### Zardari Effect" can spread to his head. But Doctors have given up hope. Waiting for a miracle.
 
Tere Are tomatoes, Daddy tomato , Mummy tomato and baby tomato. All 3 go for a walk, the baby tomatoey keeps falling behind. Daddy tomato goes to the baby tomboy and squishes it and says,"Ketchup".
 
A snow white goat once climbed a very steep mountain for reasons unbeknown even to itself. It took it many days to reach the summit and suffered many hardships on its ascent. It came down the other side and swore never to do that again.
 
Aik saheb apne chay sala bache ko daakhla dilane school le ja rahe thay . Unho'n ne bache ko samjhate huwe kaha-

"Dekho beta , madam aap se aap ki umer poochai'n to chaar saal batana . agar chay batayi to daakhla nahi milay ga"

Woh saheb bache ko school le kar pon'hchay . madam ne bache se poocha "beta , aap ki umer kia hai? "

bacha masoomiat se bola , " madam , meri umar ghar mai'n chay saal , school mai'n chaar saal aur rail gaari main teen saal hoti hai "
 
Early one morning, deep down in the jungle, where no man dare to go, a cannibal passed his brother.
 
Poison said:
A dog walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender realizes how silly this is, and wakes up from his dream. He rolls over and tells his wife about it, who ignores him. He begins to silently cry, knowing that his marriage is falling into shambles.
Click to expand...

:))):)))

Amazing...what a thread!
 
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.
 
DM said:
A man walks into a pub.

He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.
Click to expand...

DM said:
A man and a woman are crossing the desert. They find a lamp in the sand. The man rubs the lamp and nothing happens. Afterward, he feels a bit foolish.
Click to expand...

I've just spent the last 5 minutes sitting at my desk laughing like a lunatic, looking like a pratt! Hilarious stuff!!
 
Why did the clown fall off the swing?

It was hit by a bus.
 
I went to the zoo yesterday. It had only one animal. It was a Shih Tzu.
 
What do you call a 3 foot hairy billionaire with daisies in her hair named Susan?

Susan.
 
DM said:
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To attain the goal of achieving being on the general area of land that was currently several metres away in distance with an intervening longitudinal area of tarmac that is mainly designated for automobile vehicles.
Click to expand...

This makes me want to harm myself ... should come with a health warning.
 
Sardar came out of interview a little confused...............................

Friend: How did it go?

Sardar: well, they asked me to show my testimonials & I think I showed them the wrong thing !!!
 
its.raja said:
Sardar came out of interview a little confused...............................

Friend: How did it go?

Sardar: well, they asked me to show my testimonials & I think I showed them the wrong thing !!!
Click to expand...

:))

Becharay Sardar Ji. Always get picked on, on these kinds of jokes. :))
 
aik bacha bhagta howa stationary ki dukan pay pohonchta hai aur kehta hai.. uncle uncle ya do rupay wala pen kitnay ka hai?
 
What did the acorn say when it grew up?

Geometry! (Gee, I'm a tree!)

What do farmers do when it rains?

They coincide! (Go inside)
 
Dumb: Why did the checken cross the road?

BO: To get to the otherside?

Dumb: NO!

BO: WHY

Dumb: To get away from KFC!
 
what did the baby pea say to the adult pea?

are you my Mattar? (mother) :)))
 
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Knock Knock

Who's there?

Brian, here to have a look at your leaking tap.

Oh ok. Just make your way round the back and I'll let you in to the kitchen.

Alright, cheers.
 
knock knock!

who's there?

Hi! i am an alien

chapaaakhhh! i like to slap aliens

But But i am not realy an alien sir

chapaakh! i like to slap liers too
 
Is it just me or do anti-jokes only serve humour when dealing with a deep and serious matter?

A classic example would be the one above, it's horrible, yet DM's, Easa's and Poison's are hilarious.

It might just be that anti-jokes should never quote people (or any other talking creature, for that matter).

*I was referring to ace4rmspace's joke
 
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The thread title is "Lame Jokes". If you found my submission to be unsatisfactory then it seems to have fulfilled the criteria of the topic under discussion. Thank you.
 
Desire said:
knock knock!

who's there?

Hi! i am an alien

chapaaakhhh! i like to slap aliens

But But i am not realy an alien sir

chapaakh! i like to slap liers too
Click to expand...

Here's a Chapaakh from me to you - this truly was lame.

:))):))):)))
 
Chick:Just Bear with me
Man: it'd be funny if there was a bear in there and it goes RAWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRR! i eat you white dawggggg i eat you fo' dinna
 
ace4rmspace said:
The thread title is "Lame Jokes". If you found my submission to be unsatisfactory then it seems to have fulfilled the criteria of the topic under discussion. Thank you.
Click to expand...

I did not really mean to belittle your efforts, it's just that what you posted wasn't funny or lame. It wasn't a joke at all. If it was lame, like a lot of them here, I would have no issues.

I think that you tried an anti-joke, but it didn't turn out to be one. To me, it sounded like a random event without any hint of a humurous touch to it.

It might just be me who thinks that, so if that is the case, then pardon my intrusion :moyo
 
dawgg said:
Chick:Just Bear with me
Man: it'd be funny if there was a bear in there and it goes RAWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRR! i eat you white dawggggg i eat you fo' dinna
Click to expand...
Lol that's random.
 
Pak_Pace said:
I did not really mean to belittle your efforts, it's just that what you posted wasn't funny or lame. It wasn't a joke at all. If it was lame, like a lot of them here, I would have no issues.

I think that you tried an anti-joke, but it didn't turn out to be one. To me, it sounded like a random event without any hint of a humurous touch to it.

It might just be me who thinks that, so if that is the case, then pardon my intrusion :moyo
Click to expand...

I appreciate you feeling the need to comment and I see your point of view but you will also have to appreciate the fact that humour is subjective. If you read through the whole thread, you would find that it has been discussed many times how some people find some things funny whereas others may not. It's just the nature of humour. I simply shared something which made me laugh and the fact that it didn't have the same effect on you just proves my previous statement. I'm not saying you are wrong, far from it. We merely have a different opinion regarding what is funny. :yk

More along the lines of classic Anti-Jokes:

A horse walks into a bar. It gets scared, stumbles upon a couple of people and has to be euthanized. One person dies.
 
That's the spirit :afridi

Btw, that YK smiley next to the word "funny" just cracked me up for some reason.
 
Ace4rmspace - good form buddy. Keep them coming.
 
There were three men in the desert.

One of them was a cannibal.

The end.
 
:))) Pak_Pace I don't know why you dislike Ace4rmspace's anti-jokes, they are absolutely hilarious. You legend :)))
 
yaar, I love anti-jokes, and I love his anti-jokes as well, but that particular one wasn't, IMO, an anti-joke at all - ie. it wasn't lame, it wasn't a joke at all.

Anti-jokes, according to me, must deal with serious issues (or at least when something undesirable happens) and not be told in spoken quotes.

But each to their own, I guess.
 
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Sorry Pak_Pace but your reaction is EXACTLY what makes it so funny! You're right, it's not anti-humour. It's not a joke at all! It's a non-joke. Something which you read and you think "What a waste!" I just find that sort of scenario amusing. You're right, each to their own and I appreciate your appreciation.

Why did the young boy drop his ice cream?

Because he was a victim of Mistaken Identity in a drive-by shooting which resulted in a fatal bullet wound to his head. Drug related gang violence is prevalent in that particular neighbourhood.
 
A cadillac with four lawyers in it goes over a cliff. Why is this such a tragedy?
A Cadillac seats six.
 
I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I’m thinking, okay, here’s a gal who’s capable of making a decision she’ll regret in the future.
 
What does Bruce Lee call his finger?
Ung-Lee.

this one is so lame it makes me crack up every time
also, i don't know if anyone has posted this one already but...

What do you call an auntie waiting at a bus stop?
Moti-vating. geddit? :D
 
Daytripped said:
What does Bruce Lee call his finger?
Ung-Lee.

this one is so lame it makes me crack up every time
also, i don't know if anyone has posted this one already but...

What do you call an auntie waiting at a bus stop?
Moti-vating. geddit? :D
Click to expand...

:))):)))

Arite..
How do you wake up a sleeping Lady Gaga?

-Poke her face.:D get it?
 
1. My dad was a pistol, that makes me a son of a gun...

2.What is green, has 8 legs and will kill you if it falls from a tree??

A snooker table.

3.Why do women wear make up and perfume?

Because they're Ugly and Smelly.

4. What's black and white and has wheels?

a zebra! and i lied about the wheels

5. Did you hear that Dave bought a clone? Unfortunately this clone was rather obnoxious. He would spit and cuss and belch and make lewd and lascivious gestures at the neighbors. This behavior got worse and worse until one day Dave had all he could take. He grabbed the clone by the collar, dragged him onto the roof of a high rise building and threw him over the edge. Dave was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.

6.Man walks into a bar with his ostrich. They sit down at the bar, and the man orders a beer. The bartender asks the ostrich "what'll you have ?" to which it replies "whatever he's having". They down their drinks and the bartender tells the man "that'll be a dollar and fifty eight, sir". The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change - without even looking - pays the barman, and leaves with his ostrich.

This same thing happens every day for the next few days, and the bartender is curious as hell. So he asks the man to tell all. This is what the guy says :

"One day, I found this little lamp, which I rubbed, and out came a genie and granted me 2 wishes. My first wish was that whenever I had to pay for anything, I'd just have to reach in my pocket, and the right amount would be there."

"Why, that's brilliant", says the bartender. "Most people would ask for unlimited wealth, but you get the same deal without all the hassle. And what was your second wish ?"

Replies the man, with a frown, " I asked for a tall chick, with long legs, that would always agree with me."
 
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SO, there were two women sitting on a bench quietly.........................................
 
What if Shahid Khan Afridi was an Army Brigadier?

He would announce his retirement during the war.
 
Scene 1

knock knock!
abay bell teray liay hi lagwae hai!
trrrrrnn trrrrrrn
O sianay! i know you are at the door. dont burn electricity.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! (current in door knob . both are dead)

Scene 2

Thanks God i am alive but why are there clouds every where around me??

Scene 3

O sianay! clean your glasses you are watching the movie inception.

Scene 4

abay kya stupid joke parh raha hai stupid. move to next one!
 
Poison said:
Terrible terrrible experience follows.
Click to expand...

Thankfully I have only recieved second-hand information on this event.

Desire - whatever drugs you're on, you gotta be sharing that around yo!
 
England, overcast conditions, ball swinging, anderson bowling, pak 500 for 2.
 
*A girl looks like she's going to vomit*

Do you need a paper bag?

Oh no, I don't think I'm gonna vomit

The bag isn't for your vomit, it's for your face.
 
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