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The Lame Jokes Thread

For Dota 2 Players:

Why is Roshan so sad??

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Because he has been in the pit for ages(Aegis) :P
 
My mate just told me I don't understand irony at all.
Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time.
 
piece of rope walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind around here."
The rope walks out back, ties himself up, and unravels his ends. The rope walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, "Aren't you that rope that was just in here a minute ago?"
The rope says, "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."
 
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom.
First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.
 
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. The counter as well.
 
exposer said:
sad to see ppl mock blindness. really sad. a relative of my suffers from blindness. i´d ideally want an apology but its aright.
Click to expand...

Dunno if this is serious or an extremely subtle anti-joke
 
exposer said:
sorry. it may be a part of your morals to make fun of blind ppl. carry on. be proud.
Click to expand...

Oh you were serious, in that case I apologize. But this thread was for lame jokes and every joke will offend someone I guess
 
Indiafan said:
Oh you were serious, in that case I apologize. But this thread was for lame jokes and every joke will offend someone I guess
Click to expand...

good. thank you. apology accepted.

you´re such a nice & humbl guy. i dream to be like you one day.
 
In a world populated by only numbers, Mr. 'Outlier' walks in to Ms. 'Average' on the street.

He tries to wave hi, but she ignores him. When he asks her why, she replies:

Average: You're outlier. Everyone just ignores you.

Outlier: You're mean.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
RWAC said:
In a world populated by only numbers, Mr. 'Outlier' walks in to Ms. 'Average' on the street.

He tries to wave hi, but she ignores him. When he asks her why, she replies:

Average: You're outlier. Everyone just ignores you.

Outlier: You're mean.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

My teacher told to me, "You are an average student." I thought that was mean.
:)))
 
Wife: "Would you get a girlfriend again if I died?"

Husband: "Of course not."

Wife: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

Husband: "Ok, I would marry again." (annoyed)

Wife: "Oh..." (sad)

Husband: -silence-

Wife: "Would you live in our house?"

Husband: "Sure, it's a great house."

Wife: "Would you two sleep in our bed?"

Husband: "Where else would we sleep?"

Wife: "Would you let her drive my car?"

Husband: "I guess I would, it's almost new."

Wife: "Would she use my golf clubs, too?"

Husband: "No, she's left handed."

Wife: -silence-
 
Leningrad in the 1930s. Stalin is giving a speech at a theatre full of local workers. Suddenly he's interrupted by a loud sneeze coming from somewhere in the audience.



The entire theatre fall dead silent.



"Who just sneezed?" Stalin asks.



No answer, awkward silence.



"The person who just sneezed will now reveal himself" says Stalin "or I will have everyone sitting in the front row shot!"



No answer. The people sitting in the front row are led out of the theatre and a long burst of machinegun fire is heard.



"I'll ask again" Stalin says "and if I get no answer, the next two rows of people will be shot! Who sneezed!"



Still no answer, the next two rows of people are led out and shot.



Stalin is now furious. He yells: "I'll as for the last time, and if I still get no answer, everyone in here will be shot! Who just sneezed?!?!"



Suddenly a small man raises his hand and says in a trembling voice: "It was me Comrade Stalin. Please, I didn't mean to... I have a cold."



"God bless you" says Stalin "and remember to cover your mouth the next time."
:))):))):)))
 
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first adresses the bartender: "I'll have a glass of H2O please." The second scientist says "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water too". The first scientist grumbles under his breath, frustrated that his assassination attempt failed.

lol.
 
MRSN said:
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first adresses the bartender: "I'll have a glass of H2O please." The second scientist says "Yeah, I'll have a glass of water too". The first scientist grumbles under his breath, frustrated that his assassination attempt failed.

lol.
Click to expand...

Took a while but :))
 
Lady to Saint — I doubt my Husband has been cheating on me.... I have doubt on one woman.... what to do?
.
.
Saint — Take your Husband to that woman's doorstep...and see if his wifi connects automatically..
 
OK OK, here's one I just thought of! You have been warned......

I think the monster from Pans Labyrinth (pictured below) would make a great opening batsman.

oiYM2.jpg


Wanna know why??

His hand eye coordination is outstanding :yk :yk

:))) Sorry sorry, but I DID warn you :P :amir
 
Runner Up said:
Wife: "Would you get a girlfriend again if I died?"

Husband: "Of course not."

Wife: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

Husband: "Ok, I would marry again." (annoyed)

Wife: "Oh..." (sad)

Husband: -silence-

Wife: "Would you live in our house?"

Husband: "Sure, it's a great house."

Wife: "Would you two sleep in our bed?"

Husband: "Where else would we sleep?"

Wife: "Would you let her drive my car?"

Husband: "I guess I would, it's almost new."

Wife: "Would she use my golf clubs, too?"

Husband: "No, she's left handed."

Wife: -silence-
Click to expand...

:)))

Legendary.
 
Why do India never make the football world cup??

Because every time they get a corner they open a shop :))

"thank" facebook for that one
 
Once a Pakistani tour guide took a foreigner in the local market to buy some fruits.

Foreigner - What are these?

PTG - Bananas.

Foreigner - You call these Bananas? In our country they're 2 times the size. And what are these?

PTG - Oranges.

Foreigner - You call these oranges? Our Oranges are at least thrice as big.

Then the foreigner pointing at some watermelons asks

Foreigner - And what are these?

PTG - Grapes.
 
I had a wet dream last night.

I dreamed that I fell into a massive swimming pool.

Where I proceeded to make love to Deepika.
 
Gujar said:
I had a wet dream last night.

I dreamed that I fell into a massive swimming pool.

Where I proceeded to make love to Deepika.
Click to expand...

:))

Thank the heavens, the man is back!

Meri to eid aj hui hai.
 
A young woman enters an elevator. She notices an old man in his late 80s standing inside the elevator, wearing a suit with a flower bouquet in his hand. She jokingly asks "Awwwwwwww are those flowers for me ?" and he replies "No they are for my wife, i'm going to bury her"
 
A guy pooped in the elevator..


You could say he was taking sh*t to a whole new level.
 
How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
 
One day, a couple had a baby.

They had recently lost their car.

The baby was born and called Carlos.

Lame Jokes FTW.
 
A man walked into a bar one night. The bar was made of cheap quality iron and its tip had rusted off making it extremely sharp. The next morning people found the man dead and impaled on the bar.
 
Jin Chacha said:
A man walked into a bar one night. The bar was made of cheap quality iron and its tip had rusted off making it extremely sharp. The next morning people found the man dead and impaled on the bar.
Click to expand...

See now if he had been dyslexic this story would've had an infinitely happier ending.
 
My cousin told me this, dunno if it's posted here tho.

What did one milk carton say to the other?

Hey doooooooooodh! Wassupp?

:baelish
 
blinding light said:
I agree... but Aloo mattar gaajar by itself is just............. :heart:

Especially dem red gaajars of Pakistan .. Oh how I miss them..... :'(
Click to expand...

Hmm. The sort that is meant to be on the dry side? That can work. The watery aloo mutter however truly is ghastly.

Ever had tamaatar piyaaz? It's like someone started making a salan, and decided half way that enough was enough, and stopped after frying the onions and the tomatoes and the spices. Actually it is more than that, since it has extra onions and tomatoes. It's quite good.
 
Nostalgic said:
Hmm. The sort that is meant to be on the dry side? That can work. The watery aloo mutter however truly is ghastly.

Ever had tamaatar piyaaz? It's like someone started making a salan, and decided half way that enough was enough, and stopped after frying the onions and the tomatoes and the spices. Actually it is more than that, since it has extra onions and tomatoes. It's quite good.
Click to expand...

Yup, the dry one ... I love ittttttt :heart:

And yes, I've had it.. Not my top favourite tho :sanga (but since I'm Lahori, I will eat it no questions asked :P )
 
How did Rambo help the war torn country when he was sent to Afghanistan?

Visited the local cricket club and unearthed some 'quality articles'.
 
Why does Ramiz Raja prefer watching cricket to reading the newspaper? He gets to see more quality articles.

Why did Ramiz Raja fails his English test? He wrote there are 3 types of articles: Definite, Indefinite and Quality.

Hope these were sufficiently lame.
 
Jin Chacha said:
Why does Ramiz Raja prefer watching cricket to reading the newspaper? He gets to see more quality articles.

Why did Ramiz Raja fails his English test? He wrote there are 3 types of articles: Definite, Indefinite and Quality.

Hope these were sufficiently lame.
Click to expand...

Too much humour in them to be fully lame.
 
Saqs said:
Too much humour in them to be fully lame.
Click to expand...

Oh well, guess I will have to up my game. Here is a classic from school days. I am pretty sure someone must have posted this earlier but repeating a lame joke makes it even more lame.

What do you call a fat lady waiting at the bus stop? Motivating!
 
How can you tell when your girlfriend is getting too fat?




When she starts fitting into your wifes clothes
 
Did you hear about the man who was hit in the head by a can of coke?

He was lucky it was a soft drink
 
Jin Chacha said:
Oh well, guess I will have to up my game. Here is a classic from school days. I am pretty sure someone must have posted this earlier but repeating a lame joke makes it even more lame.

What do you call a fat lady waiting at the bus stop? Motivating!
Click to expand...
Lol killed it. :))) :)))
 
Disclaimer: This joke can be understood only by those who can speak Hindi/Urdu and are familiar with the Bengali accent.


A Bengali asks Ghalib to teach him a verse.

Ghalib replies, "Repeat after me

Na shikwa karte hain,
na gila karte hain,
Tum salamat raho is jahan mein
Yehi dua karte hain"

The Bengali repeats

"Na sukha korta hai,
na geela korta hai,
Tum sala, mat raho is jahan mein
Yehi dua korta hai


Ghalib faints.......
 
Little Johny asks his dad how society works. His dad explains the concepts of government, salaried class class and labour class to him. Johny doesn't understand so his father tries to make it simple. He says

"Look son it is like this. I bring the money into the house, and so I am the salaried class; your mom runs the household, so she is the government; our maid does all the work, so she is the labour class and your kid brother is the future of the society."

Later that night, Johny is woken from his sleep by a loud noise coming from his little brother's bed. He wakes up and finds that his brother has solied his nappies and is crying loudly. Johny goes to his mother but finds her fast asleep. He then goes to the maid and finds her dad frolicking with her. He goes back to bed.

The next day Johny's father asks him whether he had understood how society works.

Johny replies, "yes dad, it is all clear now. In society, the salaried class is scr**ing the labour class, the government is fast asleep and the future is full of s**t."
 
Last edited:
ChachaCricket said:
:)))
Click to expand...

Here's another one.

One day, a kid was going to go on his first trip via a ship.

She decided to take her pet snail along. (Don't ask why she has one)

She took him on the boat and the snail was enthusiastic. She then decided to call him Snailer.

gani999 said:
Little Johny asks his dad how society works. His dad explains the concepts of government, salaried class class and labour class to him. Johny doesn't understand so his father tries to make it simple. He says

"Look son it is like this. I bring the money into the house, and so I am the salaried class; your mom runs the household, so she is the government; our maid does all the work, so she is the labour class and your kid brother is the future of the society."

Later that night, Johny is woken from his sleep by a loud noise coming from his little brother's bed. He wakes up and finds that his brother has solied his nappies and is crying loudly. Johny goes to his mother but finds her fast asleep. He then goes to the maid and finds her dad frolicking with her. He goes back to bed.

The next day Johny's father asks him whether he had understood how society works.

Johny replies, "yes dad, it is all clear now. In society, the salaried class is scr**ing the labour class, the government is fast asleep and the future is full of s**t."
Click to expand...

:)) :)) :)) :)) :))
 
gani999 said:
Disclaimer: This joke can be understood only by those who can speak Hindi/Urdu and are familiar with the Bengali accent.


A Bengali asks Ghalib to teach him a verse.

Ghalib replies, "Repeat after me

Na shikwa karte hain,
na gila karte hain,
Tum salamat raho is jahan mein
Yehi dua karte hain"

The Bengali repeats

"Na sukha korta hai,
na geela korta hai,
Tum sala, mat raho is jahan mein
Yehi dua korta hai


Ghalib faints.......
Click to expand...

hahahahahahahaha :))) :))) :))) :))) :)))
 
gani999 said:
Little Johny asks his dad how society works. His dad explains the concepts of government, salaried class class and labour class to him. Johny doesn't understand so his father tries to make it simple. He says

"Look son it is like this. I bring the money into the house, and so I am the salaried class; your mom runs the household, so she is the government; our maid does all the work, so she is the labour class and your kid brother is the future of the society."

Later that night, Johny is woken from his sleep by a loud noise coming from his little brother's bed. He wakes up and finds that his brother has solied his nappies and is crying loudly. Johny goes to his mother but finds her fast asleep. He then goes to the maid and finds her dad frolicking with her. He goes back to bed.

The next day Johny's father asks him whether he had understood how society works.

Johny replies, "yes dad, it is all clear now. In society, the salaried class is scr**ing the labour class, the government is fast asleep and the future is full of s**t."
Click to expand...

Gold. :))) :))) :))) Man you've killed it in both the posts. :))
 
Here are some golden ones :))

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked his problem out with a pencil. It was a no.2 pencil. :murali

A magician was driving down the street. :ajmal

Then he turned into a driveway. :yk

What kind of bees make milk?
Boobees! :srt

Why can’t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the P is silent. :afridi

What do you do when you see a spaceman?
You park your car, man. [MENTION=139269]Man Of Steel[/MENTION]

Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay they’d be bagels! :misbah
 
Jin Chacha said:
Oh well, guess I will have to up my game. Here is a classic from school days. I am pretty sure someone must have posted this earlier but repeating a lame joke makes it even more lame.

What do you call a fat lady waiting at the bus stop? Motivating!
Click to expand...

:))

Amazing.
 
Why doesn't Inzi have any credit in his cell phone?

Because all the credit goes to the boys!!
 
gani999 said:
Disclaimer: This joke can be understood only by those who can speak Hindi/Urdu and are familiar with the Bengali accent.


A Bengali asks Ghalib to teach him a verse.

Ghalib replies, "Repeat after me

Na shikwa karte hain,
na gila karte hain,
Tum salamat raho is jahan mein
Yehi dua karte hain"

The Bengali repeats

"Na sukha korta hai,
na geela korta hai,
Tum sala, mat raho is jahan mein
Yehi dua korta hai


Ghalib faints.......
Click to expand...

Heh Heh Heh
 
Jin Chacha said:
Oh well, guess I will have to up my game. Here is a classic from school days. I am pretty sure someone must have posted this earlier but repeating a lame joke makes it even more lame.

What do you call a fat lady waiting at the bus stop? Motivating!
Click to expand...

Slog said:
Why doesn't Inzi have any credit in his cell phone?

Because all the credit goes to the boys!!
Click to expand...

Really Lol.
 
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