Western born desis vs desi immigrants to Western nations

[KingKhanWC]

How do western born desis see/relate to new desi immigrants?

How do desi immigrants see western born desi? Do you find them easy to relate to or difficult to understand?

I think it's important to help new immigrants if possible. Many have left their families behind to start a new life and contribute well to their new country.

However I find them (in general) difficult to get along with, make friends.

I assume its the same for them. You might have the same religion, same background ,eat similar food but the behaviour and attidute differs imo. Not always bad, many immigrants are better behaved but many are clueless on how to behave in western society.

Keep it civil it's not us against them but an interesting topic to discuss.

 

[ElRaja]

try not think of classifying em i guess.

making friends, that a tough one, i mean i barely have 5 or 6 people i would call friends and they have very similar backgrounds to me, i.e. kids of immigrants growing up in inner city London who ive known for more than half my life.

the one thing that is difficult is when the assume i have the same prejudices as them just because i talk urdu fluently. its all going great, laughs and jokes and they'll jst make some silly homophobic, racist or sexist comments, which is common for some born and bred desis too, so i guess im being a bit unfair to immigrants.

most desis just think i'm a coconut, so i don't really care anymore. to each their own.

 

[Pakistanian]

I don't relate much to international students that come from the subcontinent cause we have different interests unless they're really westernized.

Also it isn't about where you're born but where you were raised, there are many Pakistani-Americans that were born in Pakistan but moved here at a very young age and are no different from an American-born Pakistan, similarly I have cousins that were born in America but raised in Pakistan and are more Pakistani than American.

 

[Pakistanian]

I also feel like there's a big difference between the Pakistanis we get in America vs the ones in England, the ones that come to America are usually from the cities and wealthier and some of them are really western culturally where the ones in England are mostly from small town and villages,it's like comparing Imran Khan to Mohammad Amir - very different backgrounds despite coming from the same country.

 

[Knight_Rider]

^^^ is true.

I moved out of pak at 18 and ve now spent more than half of my life abroad. I think growing up in Pak is good, as it provides you with certain eastern cultural value sets that you cant easily acquire in west. On the otherhand having your formative years in a western country opens up your eyes and perspectives, which wouldnt be been possible otherwise (while living in Pakistan).

Therefore i find it kind of confusing to fully relate with both sets of ppl and really despise coconuts who think they are bigger than **** Saab himself.

 

[nextover666666]

It really depends both sometimes look down upon each other. Despite being born and raised in Canada I am very close to my culture and Pakistan is always in my heart. So I find I get along with new immigrants well weather their from Pakistan India , Dubai , Russia or where ever. But it's really depends. They only thing is I find sometimes immigrants be can judgemental since I am Canadian I more open minded as well but for the most part I get along with them

What helps is that because I love cricket most of those immigrants are cricket fans as well so useually the ice breaker lol

 

[marlonbrowndo]

Desis who go abroad like myself are ironically looked down upon by many confused western born desis

 

[Syed1]

Desis who go abroad like myself are ironically looked down upon by many confused western born desis

Agreed I have white, black or asian friends and no Canadian born desi friends, because those coconuts have an air of superiority about them. All my desi friends are those that are first gen immigrants like me, we have a laugh about all these confused coconuts who are na ghar ke na ghaat ke, as displayed on this thread

 

[KingKhanWC]

try not think of classifying em i guess.

making friends, that a tough one, i mean i barely have 5 or 6 people i would call friends and they have very similar backgrounds to me, i.e. kids of immigrants growing up in inner city London who ive known for more than half my life.

the one thing that is difficult is when the assume i have the same prejudices as them just because i talk urdu fluently. its all going great, laughs and jokes and they'll jst make some silly homophobic, racist or sexist comments, which is common for some born and bred desis too, so i guess im being a bit unfair to immigrants.

most desis just think i'm a coconut, so i don't really care anymore. to each their own.

Strange, they think you're a coconut because you can speak Urdu?

I also feel like there's a big difference between the Pakistanis we get in America vs the ones in England, the ones that come to America are usually from the cities and wealthier and some of them are really western culturally where the ones in England are mostly from small town and villages,it's like comparing Imran Khan to Mohammad Amir - very different backgrounds despite coming from the same country.

Imran Khan spent most of his life in England not America. Maybe is some areas but things have changed a lot over the last 60 years. From my obvseration the main difference I see is British desis want to help make changes or become politcal in the UK which is why there are so many councellors or politicians here. American desis seem to just want to fit in and conform to the society they have landed in which is why there are not many in politics.

Desis who go abroad like myself are ironically looked down upon by many confused western born desis

Tbh many deserve it due to their behaviour issues but suprised you have experienced this. Was in the UK, which town etc?

 

[Mueez]

I’m a western born desi, but I really hate how other western born desis downgrade desi born immigrants.

I feel like the western born desis think they are superior to other desis.

Last week I was at a gathering and all these western born “desis” were mocking the desi immigrants and Pakistanis living in PK.

One of them even said: “We basically are Dutch with a brown/light tinted skin.”

I really wanted to beat the sh*t of that lad.

You talk Urdu, you eat Pakistani food, you are at a Pakistani gathering and you are saying I’m Dutch.

Identity crisis at it’s best.

I was thinking in my back head about how the real Western people will always say you are a Pakistani American/British/Dutch.

So no matter what guys don’t you ever forget from where you come from.

It is our recognition and it is our pride.

 

[ElRaja]

Strange, they think you're a coconut because you can speak Urdu?

no i meant because i don't share the same prejudices. if you only speak in english you are very unlikely to get to the level where someone (to whom urdu is their first language) will openly make prejudicial remarks, if you start speaking urdu you hear a lot of off the cuff remarks of that nature, and if u call someone out on them, you get the coconut comments.

 

[ElRaja]

I’m a western born desi, but I really hate how other western born desis downgrade desi born immigrants.

I feel like the western born desis think they are superior to other desis.

Last week I was at a gathering and all these western born “desis” were mocking the desi immigrants and Pakistanis living in PK.

One of them even said: “We basically are Dutch with a brown/light tinted skin.”

I really wanted to beat the sh*t of that lad.

You talk Urdu, you eat Pakistani food, you are at a Pakistani gathering and you are saying I’m Dutch.

Identity crisis at it’s best.

I was thinking in my back head about how the real Western people will always say you are a Pakistani American/British/Dutch.

So no matter what guys don’t you ever forget from where you come from.

It is our recognition and it is our pride.

if you are born in holland / netherlands, you are dutch. you may be ethnically Pakistani but unless you have lived a significant part of your life in Pakistan i wouldn't call you Pakistani.

also why the need to have "real western people", whatever they are, qualify you of your Dutchness?

 

[Mueez]

if you are born in holland / netherlands, you are dutch. you may be ethnically Pakistani but unless you have lived a significant part of your life in Pakistan i wouldn't call you Pakistani.

also why the need to have "real western people", whatever they are, qualify you of your Dutchness?

I was born here, have a Dutch passport and I’m studying here.

But still you know what I mean by the “real Western people”, I meant with that the native Dutch.

There is always a difference between the native ones and the ones whose previous generation(s) came here to settle.

 

[Knight_Rider]

Problems with the coconuts is that all their life they ve to fight the inferiority complex that despite being born in a Western country, why can they never be as good as a Westerner?

Bitter truth is that regardless of what passport you ve /or are born with, you are always classified as being from the ‘foreign country’. I listened to a very interesting BBC4 podcast abt immigrant children in 1960s Britain and one asian man interviewed was saying that “in school i just somehow wanted to be as white as i could”. Being able to accept your racial identity and being content with it is a valuable thing.

 

[Mueez]

Problems with the coconuts is that all their life they ve to fight the inferiority complex that despite being born in a Western country, why can they never be as good as a Westerner?

Bitter truth is that regardless of what passport you ve /or are born with, you are always classified as being from the ‘foreign country’. I listened to a very interesting BBC4 podcast abt immigrant children in 1960s Britain and one asian man interviewed was saying that “in school i just somehow wanted to be as white as i could”. Being able to accept your racial identity and being content with it is a valuable thing.

This is exactly what I mean.

Bang on.

 

[Knight_Rider]

Dutch are strange (and stingy) ppl bro. Don’t really like them.

 

[KingKhanWC]

no i meant because i don't share the same prejudices. if you only speak in english you are very unlikely to get to the level where someone (to whom urdu is their first language) will openly make prejudicial remarks, if you start speaking urdu you hear a lot of off the cuff remarks of that nature, and if u call someone out on them, you get the coconut comments.

These sound the like backward idiots.

My advice to such immigrants, try to better the English language. Try dressing smarter. Get a decent haircut and try to stay classy.

I remember once I was with some friends relaxing on a Sunday after a football match. We heard some wierd noise and laughter. A couple of new immigrtants were sat on swing holding hands and laughing. I just ignored them but one of my friends gave them abuse and told them to move on(not in those words). I asked him why the anger, he replied he cant stand such immigrants with such mannerisms and attitudes. There is a lot of distrust between both parties. For me I have no issues and will treat all people with respect but I just cant relate to most new immigrants.

 

[KingKhanWC]

Problems with the coconuts is that all their life they ve to fight the inferiority complex that despite being born in a Western country, why can they never be as good as a Westerner?

Bitter truth is that regardless of what passport you ve /or are born with, you are always classified as being from the ‘foreign country’. I listened to a very interesting BBC4 podcast abt immigrant children in 1960s Britain and one asian man interviewed was saying that “in school i just somehow wanted to be as white as i could”. Being able to accept your racial identity and being content with it is a valuable thing.

I think it depends on the area. I grew up in a mostly white area and the school was 95% white. I was the only Asian in 80% of my class and for me it was cool being brown, so never wanted to be white.

 

[Mueez]

I think it depends on the area. I grew up in a mostly white area and the school was 95% white. I was the only Asian in 80% of my class and for me it was cool being brown, so never wanted to be white.

This is exactly what I’m experiencing at the moment.

But still there is always a gap between “us” and “them”.

 

[Pakistanian]

These sound the like backward idiots.

My advice to such immigrants, try to better the English language. Try dressing smarter. Get a decent haircut and try to stay classy.

I remember once I was with some friends relaxing on a Sunday after a football match. We heard some wierd noise and laughter. A couple of new immigrtants were sat on swing holding hands and laughing. I just ignored them but one of my friends gave them abuse and told them to move on(not in those words). I asked him why the anger, he replied he cant stand such immigrants with such mannerisms and attitudes. There is a lot of distrust between both parties. For me I have no issues and will treat all people with respect but I just cant relate to most new immigrants.

While the new immigrants were acting weird, your friend's behavior wasn't western by any measure. Here in North America we like to mind our business and getting angry at strangers isn't cool, I'm pretty sure it's the same in England but your friend's inner desi came out lol.

 

[Pakistanian]

British-Pakistanis yelling at new immigrants cause they aren't as "British" as them

 

[ElRaja]

These sound the like backward idiots.

My advice to such immigrants, try to better the English language. Try dressing smarter. Get a decent haircut and try to stay classy.

I remember once I was with some friends relaxing on a Sunday after a football match. We heard some wierd noise and laughter. A couple of new immigrtants were sat on swing holding hands and laughing. I just ignored them but one of my friends gave them abuse and told them to move on(not in those words). I asked him why the anger, he replied he cant stand such immigrants with such mannerisms and attitudes. There is a lot of distrust between both parties. For me I have no issues and will treat all people with respect but I just cant relate to most new immigrants.

i get you, but i wouldnt say i mistrust em, i tend to symphatise to some extent. a lot have a very difficult time esp away from fam, which is a big deal in desi culture, the dream they are sold is often a long way away from their daily reality too.

 

[KingKhanWC]

While the new immigrants were acting weird, your friend's behavior wasn't western by any measure. Here in North America we like to mind our business and getting angry at strangers isn't cool, I'm pretty sure it's the same in England but your friend's inner desi came out lol.

Haha yes I agree with you. He got really angry at them and we found it hillarious. In our parents or grandparents days more tried harder to 'fit in'/'intergrate'. Although I dont like those terms as in a free nation you are allowed to live how you like as long as you dont break the law but those who come to heavily populated areas dont try to change. Our elders came to work, this was the only thing on their minds but now so many come over esp after getting married to western desi girls and just chill out because they are given everything.

 

[King-Misbah]

Desis who go abroad like myself are ironically looked down upon by many confused western born desis

And are you not looking down at them by calling them confused?

 

[Pakistanian]

Desis who go abroad like myself are ironically looked down upon by many confused western born desis

Isn't it the same in Pakistan, the old money families look down on the new money and middle class? My cousins have told me in Pakistan, people judge you by what school you go to and there are a lot of derogatory terms for people from a middle class or working class background.

 

[KingKhanWC]

i get you, but i wouldnt say i mistrust em, i tend to symphatise to some extent. a lot have a very difficult time esp away from fam, which is a big deal in desi culture, the dream they are sold is often a long way away from their daily reality too.

I try to help them if I can but yes many dont understand the reality of moving abroad esp if they cant get high paid proffesional jobs. They think once they arrive they will become rich quickly but dont understand it took others decades of hard graft and sacrafice to get where they are now. What I find strange is those who come from middle/upper classes in Pakistan moving to the west. They often have a lot of respect and a great life but leave it for a life of hard work and living amongst people they dont know.

 

[King-Misbah]

Isn't it the same in Pakistan, the old money families look down on the new money and middle class? My cousins have told me in Pakistan, people judge you by what school you go to and there are a lot of derogatory terms for people from a middle class or working class background.

I have been told by a friend that elite Pakistanis are so materialistic that there is a lot of focus on stuff like clothes and they don't even wear the same clothes twice. That is disgusting attitude to have if true!

 

[blackanhyellow]

Western born desis have an identity crisis. They are too desi for the western people and too western for the desi people. When they see a new immigrant doing something they consider too desi, such as wearing shalwar kameez in public, they get embarrassed and think it makes them look bad. They care a lot about what what people think about them, so they see new immigrants as an embarrassment as they are not as integrated yet. They look down upon those who do not speak perfect english even though their own parents probably still have accents.

New immigrants on the other hand, do bring a lot of cultural baggage which isn't the most compatible with western culture. Even small habits like standing in the middle of the aisle with a shopping cart and having a conversation with a friend you happened to see, not caring about other people behind them trying to get by. These things are considered bad manners in western society.

On the other hand, when a western born desi goes to Pakistan he is also made fun of.

So all in all, conclusion is Pakistanis are incredibly judgemental people that have a hard time getting along with other Pakistanis. As can be seen in the posts above.

 

[Pakistanian]

Western born desis have an identity crisis. They are too desi for the western people and too western for the desi people. When they see a new immigrant doing something they consider too desi, such as wearing shalwar kameez in public, they get embarrassed and think it makes them look bad. They care a lot about what what people think about them, so they see new immigrants as an embarrassment as they are not as integrated yet. They look down upon those who do not speak perfect english even though their own parents probably still have accents.

New immigrants on the other hand, do bring a lot of cultural baggage which isn't the most compatible with western culture. Even small habits like standing in the middle of the aisle with a shopping cart and having a conversation with a friend you happened to see, not caring about other people behind them trying to get by. These things are considered bad manners in western society.

On the other hand, when a western born desi goes to Pakistan he is also made fun of.

So all in all, conclusion is Pakistanis are incredibly judgemental people that have a hard time getting along with other Pakistanis. As can be seen in the posts above.

This is an old and outdated take. Nowadays the current generation - younger millennials and Gen Z take great pride in their heritage and love to wear their traditional clothes on Eid and other holidays, if you were active on twitter and instagram you'd know that.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

Depends totally on their personality. I have actually formed good friendships down the years with guys who came over here to study, but they weren't really like the people who post here. They have usually been self confident and didn't spend that much time complaining about where they came from. If anything they talked it up too much and were always insisting I should go back there with them some time.

Pakistani forums usually attract the whiners to be honest.

 

[marlonbrowndo]

Strange, they think you're a coconut because you can speak Urdu?



Imran Khan spent most of his life in England not America. Maybe is some areas but things have changed a lot over the last 60 years. From my obvseration the main difference I see is British desis want to help make changes or become politcal in the UK which is why there are so many councellors or politicians here. American desis seem to just want to fit in and conform to the society they have landed in which is why there are not many in politics.



Tbh many deserve it due to their behaviour issues but suprised you have experienced this. Was in the UK, which town etc?

I personally have not experienced it because I make friends pretty easily and assimilate quite well. However I have observed it happening to other desis who go abroad

 

[marlonbrowndo]

Isn't it the same in Pakistan, the old money families look down on the new money and middle class? My cousins have told me in Pakistan, people judge you by what school you go to and there are a lot of derogatory terms for people from a middle class or working class background.

Yes Pakistan has a LOT of social issues but this thread really isn’t about them is it

 

[marlonbrowndo]

Agreed I have white, black or asian friends and no Canadian born desi friends, because those coconuts have an air of superiority about them. All my desi friends are those that are first gen immigrants like me, we have a laugh about all these confused coconuts who are na ghar ke na ghaat ke, as displayed on this thread

Same here bro. Most of my friends here in Canada are white and the ones who aren’t are mostly desis who movedhere recently. Only one really close desi friend here who was born and raised in Canada

 

[marlonbrowndo]

I personally have not experienced it because I make friends pretty easily and assimilate quite well. However I have observed it happening to other desis who go abroad

I also consider myself to be a very good judge of character so if I think someone is gonna judge me based on where I was born and raised I don’t even consider giving them the privilege of my company

 

[blackanhyellow]

This is an old and outdated take. Nowadays the current generation - younger millennials and Gen Z take great pride in their heritage and love to wear their traditional clothes on Eid and other holidays, if you were active on twitter and instagram you'd know that.

On social media, western born desis are the biggest advocates for Pakistan. They love everything about Pakistan from food to culture, etc...

Yet in real life as people above have commented, these same people do not get a long well with new pakistani immigrants.

So clearly there is a disconnect with what you see on twitter and what actually happens.

 

[kingusama92]

There are three groups.

1) Born and Raised in the West
2) Raised in the West (moved as young kids)
3) Recent Immigrants

If everything is equal (i.e. the average nice person) then it's far easier for me to get along with 1 and 2. The differences in likes/dislikes/opinions become exaggerated with recent immigrants even if they're good people. I'm sure they'd say the same sitting down with me.

 

[Pakistanian]

On social media, western born desis are the biggest advocates for Pakistan. They love everything about Pakistan from food to culture, etc...

Yet in real life as people above have commented, these same people do not get a long well with new pakistani immigrants.

So clearly there is a disconnect with what you see on twitter and what actually happens.

I'm talking about people in my social circle, msa's etc most young brown americans take pride in their roots.

 

[Badsha]

I see why western born desis dont always mingle with immigrants. Immigrants sometimes have poor mentality regarding racism and classism. Everything is about "oi ye kale log. Ghore log" etc.

It's not about being ashamed of culture. Most western born desis are proud of it.

 

[Pakistanian]

I also consider myself to be a very good judge of character so if I think someone is gonna judge me based on where I was born and raised I don’t even consider giving them the privilege of my company

Your interests and hobbies seem to align with the average western raised desi so I don't think people would look down on you,

 

[blackanhyellow]

I'm talking about people in my social circle, msa's etc most young brown americans take pride in their roots.

I have seen western born desis literally make fun of those with accents.

Wearing shalwar kameez on Eid where all others are wearing shalwar kameez does not make your case.

Taking pride in your roots should also mean realizing that life as new immigrants is hard, your parents likely had to struggle. Shouldn't judge new immigrants so harshly just because they didn't assimilate the second the stepped off the plane.

Not putting all the blame on western born desis.

New immigrants should also make a greater effort to learn to navigate through the culture they arrived to.

 

[marlonbrowndo]

Your interests and hobbies seem to align with the average western raised desi so I don't think people would look down on you,

Naa I’m not like the average person let alone the average confused western born desi

 

[Pakistanian]

I have seen western born desis literally make fun of those with accents.

Wearing shalwar kameez on Eid where all others are wearing shalwar kameez does not make your case.

Taking pride in your roots should also mean realizing that life as new immigrants is hard, your parents likely had to struggle. Shouldn't judge new immigrants so harshly just because they didn't assimilate the second the stepped off the plane.

Not putting all the blame on western born desis.

New immigrants should also make a greater effort to learn to navigate through the culture they arrived to.

It is true that ethnic accents are mocked over here but it's the same in Pakistan, western raised desis get mocked for their Urdu, in fact people in the west are nice to desi immigrants - they don't make fun of people in front of them. In Pakistan if you ever try to hold a conversation in urdu, the person you're talking to is too fixated on how you're saying something rather than what you're saying - it doesn't even matter how educated the person is, man or woman, Pakistanis mock people for having foreign accents. Good example is how Bilawal gets made fun for his urdu just cause he has an accent and makes grammatical mistakes occasionally, what's funny is the same people don't realize they have a thick desi accent when they speak English and also make grammatical mistakes. I've heard Imran Khan and Waseem Akram make mistakes while speaking English yet you don't see us mocking them.

 

[Pakistanian]

Naa I’m not like the average person let alone the average confused western born desi

You're a special snowflake

 

[KingKhanWC]

I see why western born desis dont always mingle with immigrants. Immigrants sometimes have poor mentality regarding racism and classism. Everything is about "oi ye kale log. Ghore log" etc.

It's not about being ashamed of culture. Most western born desis are proud of it.

We know now the term '****' is normal in Karachi according to our skipper and doesnt imply racism but calling someone Bengali is racist in the same society. Strange to say the least.

Its a good point, ive noticed immigrants see race in everyone. But they usually hold white skinned people in very high regard.

 

[marlonbrowndo]

You're a special snowflake

Didn’t take long for the word “snowflake” to come out. Predictable from an American apologist. The word is commonly used by Americans who support fascism

 

[DeadBall]

British-Pakistanis yelling at new immigrants cause they aren't as "British" as them

Both of them sound Desi to me.

Love how to end the heated argument with "have a nice day" though

 

[Pakistanian]

Didn’t take long for the word “snowflake” to come out. Predictable from an American apologist. The word is commonly used by Americans who support fascism

dude lighten up, iss a joke

 

[KingKhanWC]

Both of them sound Desi to me.

Love how to end the heated argument with "have a nice day" though

Nah the chap filming in the car is putting the accent on. lol

Accent is a big issue for some immigrants, one of my long distance relatives came over via marriage a few years ago and I caught him reading something, 'how to change your accent' . I told him youre wasting your time unless you divorce your wife and marry an English lady, you will soon be speaking like the Queen.

 

[Saeed]

One of the worst thing about desi immigrants is the way they stare at other people especially females. This doesn’t apply to all desi immigrants but its extremely embarrassing.

 

[Rayyman]

I haven't been lucky like most, so I have had to have a very diverse social circle.

Only two of my friends are Pakistani, and both were born there and moved here as teenagers. One from Karachi and the other from Punjab.

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

I get along with Pakistanis who have immigrated just fine, even though I have lived abroad my whole life. Surprised a lot of people have had negative experiences. I have been to Pakistan many times, and have a lot of cousins there, so maybe thats why my experience is different than some of the other posters.

 

[WhenSultansBowled]

Unpopular opinion:

I'm not a western born Desi but I have spent almost all of my life outside Pakistan.

The main reason I avoid self acclaimed desi Desis is the way they behave and talk to you when there's some "jaan pehchan" (familiarity) established. Yep, there's a drastic before and after that. Stupid comments trying to sound smart

Self acclaimed original Desis think their accent is superior (Punjabi/Urdu); think everyone born/raised outside Pakistani is a burger/mummi daddy kid

Most of them are weak, skinny fats and with pot bellys. Staring like they're in some mohallah. Come on son, it's embarrassing... Apne kaam se kaam rakho.

Believe me, I never consider myself superior than anyone or anything but I have learnt to keep 'em at an arms length. Best strategy.

 

[WhenSultansBowled]

One of the worst thing about desi immigrants is the way they stare at other people especially females. This doesn’t apply to all desi immigrants but its extremely embarrassing.

Read your comment after posting and came here to say this

So, basically this, they stand on one leg slightly bending the other... Grown men

 

[Salma_T]

One of the worst thing about desi immigrants is the way they stare at other people especially females. This doesn’t apply to all desi immigrants but its extremely embarrassing.

I went through a whole year at Uni with an overseas student just staring at me! He then at the end of the year apologised.....it was very very creepy!

 

[imrankhannsu]

This varies upon location in the UK. Deshis up North tend to be more gangster and alot more moodier and less welcoming I found to people coming into the UK.

 

[Knight_Rider]

This varies upon location in the UK. Deshis up North tend to be more gangster and alot more moodier and less welcoming I found to people coming into the UK.

Yeah a bit like in that (biased and exaggerated) BBC documentary ‘Home town’ abt South Yorkshire desis.

 

[psyoptica]

I’m a Pakistani born desi who moved to Canada at age 30. I have been here for about a year and I’m having a hard time integrating with the culture here and feeling very isolated. My dilemma is that I don’t get along with the desis from back home. I didn’t fit in when I was living in Pakistan. I have seen and recognize backward habits that people that immigrate to the West bring here and it’s not their fault. They don’t have the cultural upbringing to learn about the habits that are looked down upon in western societies. I grew up with a more westernized mindset learning things from the pop culture and from my American born and raised cousins who I’m very close with. However, I feel like I’m now the victim of social prejudice that western desis have against immigrants.
I tried dating someone who was born and raised here and we wanted to get married but her family disapproved and told I wasn’t the right fit since I wasn’t born here. The rejection really hurt and took a toll on my mental health but now I have developed this insecurity that everyone will judge me based on my immigrant status.
I’m very well travelled and educated (graduated from a Uni in London) and run my own business which is successful. But I feel like a social outcast and it’s depressing. All my friends here are white and I’m very universally liked. I want to make some friends who have the shared interest as me and have roots in the same culture. I don’t know if this is even possible for someone at my age.

 

[KingKhanWC]

I’m a Pakistani born desi who moved to Canada at age 30. I have been here for about a year and I’m having a hard time integrating with the culture here and feeling very isolated. My dilemma is that I don’t get along with the desis from back home. I didn’t fit in when I was living in Pakistan. I have seen and recognize backward habits that people that immigrate to the West bring here and it’s not their fault. They don’t have the cultural upbringing to learn about the habits that are looked down upon in western societies. I grew up with a more westernized mindset learning things from the pop culture and from my American born and raised cousins who I’m very close with. However, I feel like I’m now the victim of social prejudice that western desis have against immigrants.
I tried dating someone who was born and raised here and we wanted to get married but her family disapproved and told I wasn’t the right fit since I wasn’t born here. The rejection really hurt and took a toll on my mental health but now I have developed this insecurity that everyone will judge me based on my immigrant status.
I’m very well travelled and educated (graduated from a Uni in London) and run my own business which is successful. But I feel like a social outcast and it’s depressing. All my friends here are white and I’m very universally liked. I want to make some friends who have the shared interest as me and have roots in the same culture. I don’t know if this is even possible for someone at my age.

Just be yourself . Don’t try to fit it or copy ot be like others . If you try to hard you come across fake . But most importantly who cares enjoy your life with the friends you have . There’s no need for a concept of identity when you live in a multicultural world , it evolves with life .

If all fails [MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] ??