That uppercut against Shoaib was the moment when the tide turned. When Tendulkar the batsman destroyed the demons that afflicted India in games against Pakistan. With that uppercut, he also knocked out Pakistan for a decade (or more) and made me appreciate the man for the master that he was.
When I saw that shot live, I hated him from the pit of my stomach. To the extent that only upon his retirement did I see highlights of that match and that uppercut again. Of course, I knew I had to see it again as an objective observer, to truly appreciate it, in the context that it was hit.
More broadly, I hated that Tendulkar was Indian and not Pakistani. If he were Australian or West Indian I could have appreciated his genius more objectively, and felt more pleasure watching him bat, than experience the pain of seeing how good he was.
When Brian Lara played, I would satisfy myself by saying that Tendulkar is good, but Lara is better. In my heart of hearts, I knew that to be a lie. Lara himself notes the greatness of Tendulkar. In my mind, at his best, Inzamam and Ponting were more clutch, but again, I knew I was lying to myself. The test was that if I were to choose somebody to bat for my life, it would be Tendulkar.
In an effort to not get completely captivated by the magical batting of Tendulkar, I always referred to him by his surname. I thought that if I called him Sachin, I would somehow be giving in and acknowledging that he, not Inzamam, nor Lara nor Kallis was my favourite batsman.
I never could understand the feeling that I got when Sachin unfurled the flick or the cover drive against Wasim, Waqar, Shoaib or Saqlain. It was mostly a feeling of pain, but always with a tinge of appreciation. I loved it when he top edged Saqlain in Chennai, but hated that he was the man getting out.
It was a feeling that I can only now, after he has retired, truly acknowledge. I am a fan of Sachin Tendulkar. Always have been and always will be. The sort of fan that gushes when talking about him. Simply, Sachin made the the sport I love better.
He is the best batsman that I have ever seen and likely will ever see. In fact I have reconciled to the idea that his being Indian makes me like India more (at the same time wishing that Sachin was ours, not theirs)
So there it is. My coming out of the closet as a Sachin fan. Cricket will not be the same without him.