Friend of the darkness: Need life help!

[Sher Khan]

As some people know, my life has been tough for a while know. With really strict parents controlling my life, health issues, social awkwardness and a lack of friends.

Im 22, and feel like i have wasted my entire Iife already. I have never been out by myself or with friends. It is only those boring shopping trips with he family- in which itself their eyes are glued on me. Most of the time, i am in my room with the light turned off for hours. I am very depressed about my life.

I have numerous issues. Had to quit studies, because of my depression and anxiety. The real reason for these conditions are a lack of social activity. But my parents think otherwise and chucked me at the mosque for Islamic Studies. I have no interest in religion and want to go clubbing and to get a girlfriend.

I work part time in retail. That is probably the best i can get without a professional qualification. But even that, my parents take the money as they think i am irresponsible and will spend it on haram.

I am shy and awkward around people. Numerous times i have overheard people saying i am weird, especially females. Which makes me really sad.

My parents and relatives tease me saying my mind is that of "a 6 yr old" as i have not yet fully completed my hifz and its taking me long.

I have desires. I want to live the life. Go to parties, drink, have fun with girls. All the guys my age do it.

Can someone give me good advice on what i should do?

 

[sweep_shot]

If you are a Muslim, don't drink and have fun with girls. You can spend your time playing video games, watching movies, finding new hobbies etc. Maybe pick up a sport or something.

I am introverted just like yourself. But, I always try to keep myself busy and it allows me to avoid depression and negative thoughts.

I think you need to work on increasing your confidence. Figure out what you are good at and tirelessly work on those interests.

Furthermore, I recommend you to read self-help blogs and books. Those really help me. I read Mark Manson's self-help blog. I find it helpful and I highly recommend it.

All the best.

 

[andy0204]

As some people know, my life has been tough for a while know. With really strict parents controlling my life, health issues, social awkwardness and a lack of friends.

Im 22, and feel like i have wasted my entire Iife already. I have never been out by myself or with friends. It is only those boring shopping trips with he family- in which itself their eyes are glued on me. Most of the time, i am in my room with the light turned off for hours. I am very depressed about my life.

I have numerous issues. Had to quit studies, because of my depression and anxiety. The real reason for these conditions are a lack of social activity. But my parents think otherwise and chucked me at the mosque for Islamic Studies. I have no interest in religion and want to go clubbing and to get a girlfriend.

I work part time in retail. That is probably the best i can get without a professional qualification. But even that, my parents take the money as they think i am irresponsible and will spend it on haram.

I am shy and awkward around people. Numerous times i have overheard people saying i am weird, especially females. Which makes me really sad.

My parents and relatives tease me saying my mind is that of "a 6 yr old" as i have not yet fully completed my hifz and its taking me long.

I have desires. I want to live the life. Go to parties, drink, have fun with girls. All the guys my age do it.

Can someone give me good advice on what i should do?

I also went through all of this,I was about to quit studies at 17 but my parents encouraged me to continue.
Go to gym and do workout,make your own timetable that will make you busy.
If you are interested in girls don't be shy in front of them be confident when your talking to them.

 

[sweep_shot]

If you start to do clubbing and focus on getting a girlfriend, you are asking for trouble. Women who go to clubs are very materialistic and they are likely to bring you down financially and morally. Most of them are bimbos and you can't expect a fulfilling life with them.

Maybe get married to a nice and caring lady. Start a family. I am sure you will feel much more content.

 

[pakistanisgreat]

May i ask you where you live? meaning which country? How many siblings do you have if you do not mind answering this?

Second you are 22 as you mentioned, then how come they take your money from you? Why do not you open up your own bank account and deposit money there.

third, most of desi people are grew up like that. I am over thirty and my parents still think i am a baby. I think all the parents think the same way about their kids.

Your mother gave you a birth so she cares about you. There is no way they will hate you.
The only thing that i understood and came to conclusion that you want to go out drink, have a girl friend but i believe they do not want that. Hence they have all the restrictions on you.

As a Muslim and as a brother i would suggest you not to involve in these activities. There is mp benefits in it. You might enjoy for 5 10 mins then its will over. Rather than having a girl friend tell you parents you want to get married and have a wife. I completely understand of desire living in western culture.

Rest it is your decision you are grown up and can take your own decision. I will pray for you May Allah make it easy for you.

 

[Sher Khan]

May i ask you where you live? meaning which country? How many siblings do you have if you do not mind answering this?

Second you are 22 as you mentioned, then how come they take your money from you? Why do not you open up your own bank account and deposit money there.

third, most of desi people are grew up like that. I am over thirty and my parents still think i am a baby. I think all the parents think the same way about their kids.

Your mother gave you a birth so she cares about you. There is no way they will hate you.
The only thing that i understood and came to conclusion that you want to go out drink, have a girl friend but i believe they do not want that. Hence they have all the restrictions on you.

As a Muslim and as a brother i would suggest you not to involve in these activities. There is mp benefits in it. You might enjoy for 5 10 mins then its will over. Rather than having a girl friend tell you parents you want to get married and have a wife. I completely understand of desire living in western culture.

Rest it is your decision you are grown up and can take your own decision. I will pray for you May Allah make it easy for you.

I live in Australia, and yes i have five other siblings. My parents have control over me. I cant open my own account. As they are worried i will go off the path.

 

[pakistanisgreat]

I live in Australia, and yes i have five other siblings. My parents have control over me. I cant open my own account. As they are worried i will go off the path.

Do you they control others as well or just you?

 

[kk1992]

You’re tying your happiness to drinking and having girlfriends.

Placing your happiness on others, literally trying to get out of one jail to enter another.

 

[kk1992]

If you start to do clubbing and focus on getting a girlfriend, you are asking for trouble. Women who go to clubs are very materialistic and they are likely to bring you down financially and morally. Most of them are bimbos and you can't expect a fulfilling life with them.

Maybe get married to a nice and caring lady. Start a family. I am sure you will feel much more content.

What?

Lol, she goes clubbing and that makes her materialistic?

 

[sweep_shot]

What?

Lol, she goes clubbing and that makes her materialistic?

Why do you think people go to club for? They want to drink and do all sorts of degeneracy.

Nothing good comes from a club. It is literally a devil's nest.

It is a shame these clubs exist in Muslim states.

 

[kk1992]

Why do you think people go to club for? They want to drink and do all sorts of degeneracy.

Nothing good comes from a club. It is literally a devil's nest.

It is a shame these clubs exist in Muslim states.

Okay!

 

[Itachi]

My dear friend, you have entered in a loop.

The over protective parents did put restrictions due to which result is, the moment you will be independent, you won't realise what it actually means.

On the other hand, you won't be able to be a responsible person unless they trust your judgements. At this point of time, they don't trust you and I am sure, they have valid reasons.

This loop needs to be broken.

 

[Itachi]

Why do you think people go to club for? They want to drink and do all sorts of degeneracy.

Nothing good comes from a club. It is literally a devil's nest.

It is a shame these clubs exist in Muslim states.

Have you ever been to a club?

 

[sweep_shot]

Have you ever been to a club?

I am a practicing Muslim and I am unlikely to go to a club even if I am offered 1 trillion bucks.

 

[Sher Khan]

Do you they control others as well or just you?

The control is there on all of us. But mainly me as i am considered the bad boy.

 

[Itachi]

I am a practicing Muslim and I am unlikely to go to a club even if I am offered 1 trillion bucks.

So.... Your judgement is based upon bookish knowledge?

 

[Sher Khan]

I am a practicing Muslim and I am unlikely to go to a club even if I am offered 1 trillion bucks.

Nothing wrong with going to a club bro. Its not what you think it is. Just socialise and get to know people.

 

[sweep_shot]

So.... Your judgement is based upon bookish knowledge?

Even if I were not a Muslim, I would still avoid these degenerate places. I bet plenty of cheating spouses can be found in these clubs.

Nothing wrong with going to a club bro. Its not what you think it is. Just socialise and get to know people.

Brother, there are other ways to socialize and getting to know people. Clubs are filthy.

I used to play cricket at a local club and I made many friends there. Join a sports club. That's my suggestion.

 

[saeedhk]

Asking for advice is pretty much pointless. You are a grown-up man and you need to break shackles by yourself. Use your own judgement and live a happy life.

If your parents treat like you a 5 year old, it is likely because you are irresponsible and unintelligent. They probably have valid reasons. Prove them wrong. You have already proved them correct by quitting your studies. In short, focus on self-improvement. Be confident, level- headed and brave.

 

[Itachi]

Asking for advice is pretty much pointless. You are a grown-up man and you need to break shackles by yourself. Use your own judgement and live a happy life.

If your parents treat like you a 5 year old, it is likely because you are irresponsible and unintelligent. They probably have valid reasons. Prove them wrong. You have already proved them correct by quitting your studies. In short, focus on self-improvement. Be confident, level- headed and brave.

I'll disagree with blaming it on OP. It could be related to overprotective parents. The current situation could be outcome of the piling up of years of frustration.

 

[Itachi]

Even if I were not a Muslim, I would still avoid these degenerate places. I bet plenty of cheating spouses and low-IQ bimbos can be found in these clubs.



Brother, there are other ways to socialize and getting to know people. Clubs are filthy.

I used to play cricket at a local club and I made many friends there. Join a sports club. That's my suggestion.

What I asked was, is your knowledge only from books, words from your friends etc.?

 

[pakistanisgreat]

The control is there on all of us. But mainly me as i am considered the bad boy.

Nah man, just take it easy. Trust me we all think same as you that our parents are doing only to me not to others. Even myself think sometimes that why my parents treat me like that but not to others. However, they love all equally. Trust me they are you well wishers not enemy.

there are many others ways to socialize, like go to gym with friends, playing a sport, playing a video game at home. Clubing is not a solution and socializing center. Clubing is a way to get into trouble.

 

[sweep_shot]

What I asked was, is your knowledge only from books, words from your friends etc.?

Combination of both.

I don't think I have to be in club to know what goes on there. I heard stuffs from friends/relatives, watched videos on the internet etc.

I also don't think I want to make friendship with anyone who does clubbing.

 

[Rinnegan Sasuke]

Get professional help, find yourself a a suitable psychiatrist and work through your issues. You'll find a lot of good advice here but to truly improve yourself and break free of this rut you've found yourself in, you need to seek help.

I've been in your shoes, so from my experience getting professional help is a must. You don't sit back and wallow in your misfortune when you're physically ill do you? Mental illness is real and can become quite debilitating if left untreated.

 

[The_Odd_One]

As some people know, my life has been tough for a while know. With really strict parents controlling my life, health issues, social awkwardness and a lack of friends.

At 22, you are already an adult. Your parents can and will control you as much as you let them. The role of the parents should be to provide guidance at this age rather than controlling every aspect of your life. Try to be as much independent as you can. You do not need to consult with your parents for everything. This is probaby the reason they are so involved in your life. Start taking your own decisions and if needed, inform them afterwards. Soon, they will realize that they cannot treat you like a child.

Im 22, and feel like i have wasted my entire Iife already. I have never been out by myself or with friends. It is only those boring shopping trips with he family- in which itself their eyes are glued on me. Most of the time, i am in my room with the light turned off for hours. I am very depressed about my life.

This is a very alarming situation and may cause mental and health issues. You should not be hanging out with your parents this much - it is abnormal. At this age, you should have your own social circle. You should be meeting new people, learning to interact with strangers, and determine your own path in life. Go out more often. For example, go to a gym, you will see a lot new faces and it is much easier to start a conversation when people are engaged in the same activity.

I have numerous issues. Had to quit studies, because of my depression and anxiety. The real reason for these conditions are a lack of social activity. But my parents think otherwise and chucked me at the mosque for Islamic Studies. I have no interest in religion and want to go clubbing and to get a girlfriend.

This is a classic example of using religion as a cure for every problem in life. Did you tell your parents that you do not want to take any classes at the mosque? It is very strange that they are choosing a career path for you. It should be your own choice. To avoid these classes, enroll in anything that may benefit you in future. For example, if you have an interest in computers, sign-up for a certification. If you are interested in sciences, start a simple bachelors in Science program.

I work part time in retail. That is probably the best i can get without a professional qualification. But even that, my parents take the money as they think i am irresponsible and will spend it on haram.

Your money is yours only and none should be taking it from you. Refuse to hand over your hard earned money to them. By crippling you financially, your parents are ensuring that you remain dependent on them so that they can control every aspect of your life. If you do not have a bank account, open it immediately and get your paycheck deposited. Do not share it with anyone else. What's the worst that can happen? The most they can do is kick you out of their house and cut ties with you. I bet a life with limited resources that comes with freedom is far better than what you have right now.

I am shy and awkward around people. Numerous times i have overheard people saying i am weird, especially females. Which makes me really sad.

I stopped caring about what anyone said a long time ago. You will learn to do the same with time. It does not matter what anyone says. Think of it as empty words with no real impact on your life. Rude remarks will only affect you as much as you give them importance. Grow a thicker skin and do not pay too much attention. People who say bad things about others rather than minding their own business are classless and do not deserve any importance.

My parents and relatives tease me saying my mind is that of "a 6 yr old" as i have not yet fully completed my hifz and its taking me long.

Your parents and these relatives are real jerks for saying this to you. People learn at different rates. Besides, memorizing a book in the digital age is completely useless. Your parents are forcing you to memorize Quran for their own selfish reasons. Parents who have hafiz children are often seen in high regard in the society. The amount of control they have in your life is sickening.

I have desires. I want to live the life. Go to parties, drink, have fun with girls. All the guys my age do it.

These are all normal desires for a young man. There is nothing wrong with them. My standpoint is that one should try everything in life and then learn from experience what is best for them. Do not let anyone tell you what is right or wrong. If something feels right to you, it is probably right for you. If it is not then you will eventually figure it out on your own. Remember that this life is way too short to waste. Age 20-30 is the time when you can really enjoy your life. After it, you will be crushed with work and responsibilities. Don't waste this time of your life, sitting in your own room or hanging out with your parents at the mall.

Can someone give me good advice on what i should do?

To summarize, look and act independent. Take your own decisions. Stop playing nice and learn to say No to anything that makes you uncomfortable. The most important person for yourself should be you. Do whatever makes you happy. Do not worry about what others say to you or how they feel as a consequence of your actions.

 

[sweep_shot]

Sher Khan,

I firmly believe that you are suffering from low self-esteem. The fact you made this thread clearly demonstrates that. You have to work on increasing confidence first. Once you fix your inside, you can work on fixing external issues.

Here are some tips I can give you:

- Wake up early. Pray Fajr. Read Quran. Do home workout. All these can be finished 1 hour.
- Do breathing exercise daily for 5 minutes. It really helps me to let off my steam.
- Stop listening to depressing songs. Cut those off from your life.
- It seems like you like cricket. Join your local cricket club. Try to be an aggressive pace bowler or a hard-hitting batsman.
- Fix your diet and ensure you have a great rest at night.
- Read a lot of self-help blogs and books. Watch self-help videos. I watch Leo Gura's videos on YouTube and I also read Mark Manson's blog.
- Keep a journal. This is very important. See where you are doing right and where you are doing wrong.
- Make a lot of prayers to God to make you feel better.

All the best.

 

[Itachi]

Combination of both.

I don't think I have to be in club to know what goes on there. I heard stuffs from friends/relatives, watched videos on the internet etc.

I also don't think I want to make friendship with anyone who does clubbing.

You do realize that there are different clubs where different people do get together?

 

[sweep_shot]

You do realize that there are different clubs where different people do get together?

I was referring to degenerate clubs (for example - nightclubs). I have no issue with clubs where no degeneracy takes place.

 

[Itachi]

At 22, you are already an adult. Your parents can and will control you as much as you let them. The role of the parents should be to provide guidance at this age rather than controlling every aspect of your life. Try to be as much independent as you can. You do not need to consult with your parents for everything. This is probaby the reason they are so involved in your life. Start taking your own decisions and if needed, inform them afterwards. Soon, they will realize that they cannot treat you like a child.




This is a very alarming situation and may cause mental and health issues. You should not be hanging out with your parents this much - it is abnormal. At this age, you should have your own social circle. You should be meeting new people, learning to interact with strangers, and determine your own path in life. Go out more often. For example, go to a gym, you will see a lot new faces and it is much easier to start a conversation when people are engaged in the same activity.




This is a classic example of using religion as a cure for every problem in life. Did you tell your parents that you do not want to take any classes at the mosque? It is very strange that they are choosing a career path for you. It should be your own choice. To avoid these classes, enroll in anything that may benefit you in future. For example, if you have an interest in computers, sign-up for a certification. If you are interested in sciences, start a simple bachelors in Science program.




Your money is yours only and none should be taking it from you. Refuse to hand over your hard earned money to them. By crippling you financially, your parents are ensuring that you remain dependent on them so that they can control every aspect of your life. If you do not have a bank account, open it immediately and get your paycheck deposited. Do not share it with anyone else. What's the worst that can happen? The most they can do is kick you out of their house and cut ties with you. I bet a life with limited resources that comes with freedom is far better than what you have right now.




I stopped caring about what anyone said a long time ago. You will learn to do the same with time. It does not matter what anyone says. Think of it as empty words with no real impact on your life. Rude remarks will only affect you as much as you give them importance. Grow a thicker skin and do not pay too much attention. People who say bad things about others rather than minding their own business are classless and do not deserve any importance.




Your parents and these relatives are real jerks for saying this to you. People learn at different rates. Besides, memorizing a book in the digital age is completely useless. Your parents are forcing you to memorize Quran for their own selfish reasons. Parents who have hafiz children are often seen in high regard in the society. The amount of control they have in your life is sickening.




These are all normal desires for a young man. There is nothing wrong with them. My standpoint is that one should try everything in life and then learn from experience what is best for them. Do not let anyone tell you what is right or wrong. If something feels right to you, it is probably right for you. If it is not then you will eventually figure it out on your own. Remember that this life is way too short to waste. Age 20-30 is the time when you can really enjoy your life. After it, you will be crushed with work and responsibilities. Don't waste this time of your life, sitting in your own room or hanging out with your parents at the mall.




To summarize, look and act independent. Take your own decisions. Stop playing nice and learn to say No to anything that makes you uncomfortable. The most important person for yourself should be you. Do whatever makes you happy. Do not worry about what others say to you or how they feel as a consequence of your actions.

Great advice.

 

[Itachi]

I was referring to degenerate clubs (for example - nightclubs). I have no issue with clubs where no degeneracy takes place.

You know sweep shot, you can't define someone by just superficial things. Behind closed doors of a otherwise normal looking house, worse could happen than you could ever see in a nightclubs in a worst possible scenario.

 

[Nikhil_cric]

What is your financial situation? What is the extent of your medical illnesses? Can you describe them in detail? Advice is best given only if people know exactly what it is that is troubling you?

 

[Forum363]

As some people know, my life has been tough for a while know. With really strict parents controlling my life, health issues, social awkwardness and a lack of friends.

Im 22, and feel like i have wasted my entire Iife already. I have never been out by myself or with friends. It is only those boring shopping trips with he family- in which itself their eyes are glued on me. Most of the time, i am in my room with the light turned off for hours. I am very depressed about my life.

I have numerous issues. Had to quit studies, because of my depression and anxiety. The real reason for these conditions are a lack of social activity. But my parents think otherwise and chucked me at the mosque for Islamic Studies. I have no interest in religion and want to go clubbing and to get a girlfriend.

I work part time in retail. That is probably the best i can get without a professional qualification. But even that, my parents take the money as they think i am irresponsible and will spend it on haram.

I am shy and awkward around people. Numerous times i have overheard people saying i am weird, especially females. Which makes me really sad.

My parents and relatives tease me saying my mind is that of "a 6 yr old" as i have not yet fully completed my hifz and its taking me long.

I have desires. I want to live the life. Go to parties, drink, have fun with girls. All the guys my age do it.

Can someone give me good advice on what i should do?

Let me just add one thing if I may. The grass is always greener on the other side.

The things you think may make you happy, won’t. I know it sounds silly of me to generalise, but I have seen enough people who were from a strict background and then went deeply into clubbing / dating etc. It does not lead to happiness, especially if used to try and mask deeper psychological issues.

While clubbing / dating is strongly discouraged in Islam, your connection with God is for you and you alone to decide. I would recommend you take some time to think about what is important to you in life.

In particular you need to start with your key anchors - which for me are family and religion. Spend some time thinking about what religion means to you. About the importance of your family and the relationship you want to have.

Then start thinking about hobbies/ interests. A few people on this thread recommended gym. I know so many people who started going to the gym regularly and became obsessed in a good way, and that focus helped them to sort out many problems in their life. It’s just one example.

Finally, something I feel I have learnt very harshly in the last few months. There is no ‘happiness’ in this world. It’s the thing that everyone chases but it’s almost non existent. Chances are, when you chase happiness you effectively chase moments which cause temporary dopamine release, ie your body releasing the chemical which feels like a ‘burst of happiness’. The issue is, that it’s not permanent. That is why so many people these days are addicted to social media, Netflix, dating apps etc, places where they get their next ‘hit’. But once that high subsides, they are left feeling depressed and questioning their priorities.

That’s not to say there isn’t hope in the world. You just have to find what it means for you and how you navigate it. If you want to start that process by clubbing and dating and experiencing those things for yourself, so be it. But I would recommend you start with your core beliefs and what you want.

 

[thelandofthebravepeople]

As far as I know this is not the first time you made a thread like this. The last one you made the issue was pretty much similar and you had similar problems and similar desires.

As far as I remember your parents become protective because you had a girlfriend who took all your money and dumped you. Or something along those lines. Or was it your parents found out you had girlfriend.. I do not remember.

Do you really have an issue or do you just create these threads for the fun of it?

I think you got plenty of response last time. Act on that advice. You are 22 and how on earth is it possible that you do not have an bank account? Salary in western country is paid directly to your bank account and you say you work in retail. My parents were not able to get hold of my salary when I got my first job as 13 years old(not that they were interested in it anyway). Move out. I am sure things will only get better for you.

If your story is true at all.

 

[thelandofthebravepeople]

Combination of both.

I don't think I have to be in club to know what goes on there. I heard stuffs from friends/relatives, watched videos on the internet etc.

I also don't think I want to make friendship with anyone who does clubbing.

Actually you have no idea. I have been to clubs with friends and colleagues as well. Colleagues who were young girls educated as engineers/architects and were married with kids. We went to club we drank alkohol and had a good time with some conversations. And afterwards we all walked went home. Happened several times like this. Just because you go to clubs does not mean girls are waiting for you. Most likely they won't even notice you.

You are very judgmental of something that you have never tried or seen with your own eyes.

 

[sweep_shot]

Actually you have no idea. I have been to clubs with friends and colleagues as well. Colleagues who were young girls educated as engineers/architects and were married with kids. We went to club we drank alkohol and had a good time with some conversations. And afterwards we all walked went home. Happened several times like this. Just because you go to clubs does not mean girls are waiting for you. Most likely they won't even notice you.

You are very judgmental of something that you have never tried or seen with your own eyes.

I don't drink alcohol. I don't party.

I also don't care if girls don't wait for me. I am a Muslim man with my own conservative values. I don't want a club-going woman in my life anyway.

I am not judgmental but I have to criticize if I see something is wrong.

 

[ElRaja]

Im 22, and feel like i have wasted my entire Iife already. I have never been out by myself or with friends. It is only those boring shopping trips with he family- in which itself their eyes are glued on me. Most of the time, i am in my room with the light turned off for hours. I am very depressed about my life.

first thing you havnt wasted your entire life, i can tell you from personal experience, as i was in a fairly bad place till i was 25. i saw my freinds being successful and felt like a total failure and felt exactly as you did, but you have loads of life ahead of you, the important thing is whether you take control of it, otherwise youll continue living someone elses life.

I work part time in retail. That is probably the best i can get without a professional qualification.

all it takes is a quick google search to see there are tonnes of people who have made a massive difference in the world without qualifications, u dont have qualifications, that is done, if you think you need em, go out and get them, or know that is a limit you are putting on yourself.

I am shy and awkward around people. Numerous times i have overheard people saying i am weird, especially females. Which makes me really sad.

if i had a penny for every time someone called me weird, id have a few pounds by now. it is what it is, if you are strange you are, accept it, its you. if you pretend to be someone else you'll end up even weirder.

I have desires. I want to live the life. Go to parties, drink, have fun with girls. All the guys my age do it.

Can someone give me good advice on what i should do?

set a goal, acheive it, answer one simple question. if you could do one thing right now to make yourself feel better what would it be?

 

[WhenSultansBowled]

Start by working out. Join a gym ASAP and go there regularly, no matter what happens. You have to go there as it will improve your physical appearance, make you confident and you will automatically have people's attention even without uttering a word. Improve your posture, don't slouch, look active and in shape.

Dress nicely. Wear fit clothes. Go with darker colours.

Open a bank account. The country where I live, we have FREE bank accounts without any commissions etc. the catch is that everything works by the APP. The purpose is to have your own money just in case.

Even if your parents are controlling etc. my advice is do not disrespect them. Listen to everything they say, don't answer back but then do what you got to do. (Yep, be a hypocrite).

After you have everything above mentioned, you should start by finding a job and you can live independently. Do whatever you want under your own roof

 

[last_knight]

[MENTION=146498]Sher Khan[/MENTION] what about volunteering for a social welfare service ?

It doesn't cost you and doesn't demand qualifications. You just have to dedicate few hours every week. Your every little participation is appreciated, giving you a self belief of being important and pride of contribution, a good first step I reckon.

 

[Romali_rotti]

As some people know, my life has been tough for a while know. With really strict parents controlling my life, health issues, social awkwardness and a lack of friends.

Im 22, and feel like i have wasted my entire Iife already. I have never been out by myself or with friends. It is only those boring shopping trips with he family- in which itself their eyes are glued on me. Most of the time, i am in my room with the light turned off for hours. I am very depressed about my life.

I have numerous issues. Had to quit studies, because of my depression and anxiety. The real reason for these conditions are a lack of social activity. But my parents think otherwise and chucked me at the mosque for Islamic Studies. I have no interest in religion and want to go clubbing and to get a girlfriend.

I work part time in retail. That is probably the best i can get without a professional qualification. But even that, my parents take the money as they think i am irresponsible and will spend it on haram.

I am shy and awkward around people. Numerous times i have overheard people saying i am weird, especially females. Which makes me really sad.

My parents and relatives tease me saying my mind is that of "a 6 yr old" as i have not yet fully completed my hifz and its taking me long.

I have desires. I want to live the life. Go to parties, drink, have fun with girls. All the guys my age do it.

Can someone give me good advice on what i should do?

Listen kid,

You need to go out and interact with other people, meet girls, date girls, drink (responsibly). I am not saying dont listen to you parents, however if you are forced to only listen to what they say then, I am afraid you will get even more depressed and may even contemplate suicide. There is nothing wrong with partying, all the morally ethical Pakistanis that say you shouldnt were glady backing Imran Khan when he was a playboy back in the day doing whatever he wanted to do, so dont listen too much to the morals, it is useless. You control your destiny, no one else. Get out there, have some fun, be responsible, make sure you have a proper education backing you, dont ignore your studies...

 

[Syed1]

Achieve something in your life.... Otherwise no girl will stick around and also tying your happiness with another human being is a definite no-no..... I'm assuming you have completed highschool but didn't go to uni? Why not enroll in a university program. It'll keep you busy, there will be something to look forward to and you will meet plenty of people and potential girlfriends. The sense of achievement will do you good as well.

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

You are only 22, you have not even entered your prime yet.

If you don't want to deal with over protective parents you need to move out, maybe go to a different city. Even with working in retail you should be able to afford something on your own. And with retail you might be able to eventually get a manager position which pays more, but a better option would be to finish your studies so you can get a better job.

So maybe enroll in a university in a different city which will give you an opportunity to leave home, as well as date, drink, etc away from your parents. Also by living away from home, you will be forced to become more independent which should help with the social awkwardness.

Also I know a lot of Pakistani guys who used to drink, and womanize when they were younger, but eventually they grew out of it, and once they were in there late 20's, and early 30's, wanted a shareef Pakistani girl for a spouse. So I would recommend not advertising that you are not religious to other people in real life. Keep that info to yourself, because if that info is out there, it can affect you negatively later on.

 

[Itachi]

I believe some people should stop forcing religion in his throat. He himself stated religion isn't his priorities in his life. And if you don't believe in something, forcing yourself into it will just yield further frustration than anything good.

And why the hell dating is bad? When you build a relationship, you learn about understanding feelings of other people. You learn about difference between expectations and reality. Lots of post marriage issues in Desi marriages could have been avoided had the two people had some level of understanding before jumping into marriage.

And in before someone claims, Desi marriages last longer. Desi marriages last longer because of social taboo towards divorce. While for the same issues, divorce occurs elsewhere, Desi marriages continue at the sacrifice of happiness because "log kya kahenge"

 

[MenInG]

If you come to an open forum and bare your life's problems then you need to be prepared to listen to all kinds of opinions.

Seems that you have to ask yourself what you want from life.

If you love your parents and cannot bear to make them angry, take the option which pleases them
If you feel your personal freedoms are important, then do as you please

You cannot have everything in life - it just doesnt work like that

 

[Local.Dada]

Firstly drinking and clubbing is not the exact opposite of having a boring life.

There are plenty of ways you can live a fulfilling life. You don't need to drink or go to clubs to have fun.

Anyways if you really want to go clubbing, why would you suppress it? you are not breaking any law, go and find out for yourself if that's your thing. May be your mind will free up.

 

[pakistanisgreat]

I believe some people should stop forcing religion in his throat. He himself stated religion isn't his priorities in his life. And if you don't believe in something, forcing yourself into it will just yield further frustration than anything good.

And why the hell dating is bad? When you build a relationship, you learn about understanding feelings of other people. You learn about difference between expectations and reality. Lots of post marriage issues in Desi marriages could have been avoided had the two people had some level of understanding before jumping into marriage.

And in before someone claims, Desi marriages last longer. Desi marriages last longer because of social taboo towards divorce. While for the same issues, divorce occurs elsewhere, Desi marriages continue at the sacrifice of happiness because "log kya kahenge"

Well everyone gave him their own opinion about follow the religion. which we should respect.

Question to you with all the respect.
you said why dating is bad? Now would you allow your sister/daughter to date with him?
How would you feel if your sister/daughter date a guy since we are Asian? Again i am not being personal and i would not want my sister/daughter to date anyone neither i have done it.

 

[big_gamer007]

[MENTION=146498]Sher Khan[/MENTION] Find a hobby. Go to gym and indulge in exercise, it's the best way to deal with lack of confidence, anxiety and depression.

I don't know if you would enjoy working out or not but give it a try, it's the best way to deal with depression.

If you do enjoy it later on you can try boxing, martial arts etc to keep it interesting and fun.

Good luck with your fight, I hope it works out for you.

 

[PakLFC]

You need to make some friends and get out and about that will give you confidence. Key to social activity is getting to know people otherwise you'll not get anywhere. There are many young men in your position who will feel the same way, only difference is that you've bravely admitted it. Just go out on your own and befriend people in public places, seems as if you need a few good male pal's to talk to instead of a girlfriend. Go and watch a film or visit the sports centre , there must be a lot happening in your local area as well in regards to social activity. Welcome change in your life instead of being afraid off it. Meditation is also a very good way to deal with mental stress so can try that as well also tell your folks to stop pushing religion on you coz it depresses you further. There is no miracle cure rather you have to follow certain steps to improve your life. If you have siblings or cousins ask them to accompany you to a movie which is what I do when something bothers me. If you want change in life you have to change yourself and your thinking. Nothing is gonna happen sitting in a dark room for hours.

 

[Itachi]

Well everyone gave him their own opinion about follow the religion. which we should respect.

Question to you with all the respect.
you said why dating is bad? Now would you allow your sister/daughter to date with him?
How would you feel if your sister/daughter date a guy since we are Asian? Again i am not being personal and i would not want my sister/daughter to date anyone neither i have done it.

If my sister/daughter is adult, then I have no objection in dating. In life, you'll have to teach values while upbringing and then you yourself will have to learn to trust their judgement. A prime example would be OP where his parents didn't trust his judgement and as a repercussion, he has somewhat became rebellious. This is more dangerous.

When someone (doesn't matter boy/girl) dates, he or she learns dynamics of a relationship. He or she learns how to differentiate between a genuine person from the rest which will help him or her later in life.

Of course there will be mistakes made while trusting and there will be ups and downs hence I will make sure that they have the environment to talk about it and I'll be there when it does happen.

You can't protect someone whole his/her life. What you can do is, teach them how to survive so that years later, even if they face hardships, they will know how to deal with it.

 

[Sher Khan]

I appreciate everyones advice. I have decided to join the gym from this week and start to become fit and healthy. My parents have already found a local islamic gym for me, where their will be no girls. Im happy that atleast i can improve my body and be able to spend time out of home.

 

[Slog]

I appreciate everyones advice. I have decided to join the gym from this week and start to become fit and healthy. My parents have already found a local islamic gym for me, where their will be no girls. Im happy that atleast i can improve my body and be able to spend time out of home.

I legit didn’t know there’s a thing called Islamic gyms lol

 

[Nostalgic]

Islamic gyms are full of protein sheikhs.

 

[Sher Khan]

I legit didn’t know there’s a thing called Islamic gyms lol

As in this gym is run by an islamic centre connected to a mosque. They play naats in place of traditional gym music and no females are allowed.

 

[andy0204]

As in this gym is run by an islamic centre connected to a mosque. They play naats in place of traditional gym music and no females are allowed.

Good luck to you,If you are feeling bored and alone roam around the city streets.

 

[Rayyman]

I appreciate everyones advice. I have decided to join the gym from this week and start to become fit and healthy. My parents have already found a local islamic gym for me, where their will be no girls. Im happy that atleast i can improve my body and be able to spend time out of home.

Gyms barely have any girls anyway (only a few on the treadmill). If that Islamic gym is whack just go to a regular one. I’m pretty sure ur parents haven’t been to the gym.

 

[kk1992]

As in this gym is run by an islamic centre connected to a mosque. They play naats in place of traditional gym music and no females are allowed.

Here is an issue.

You are keep forgetting who you have issue with.

Disrespecting other who do not have similar belief as you is not the solution.

 

[MenInG]

I am not familiar with this term Islamic Gyms - is this a common thing in the West? This isnt even true in the Middle East!

 

[irfan]

you are still so young, please don't say you have wasted your entire life, you have so much to look forward to. Yes join a gym and also look to get back into education and get some qualifications. I'm surprised your parents don't force you to do this considering everything you have written about them.

How old are your siblings? Are you the eldest. Have you ever spoken to your parents frankly about your issues? I'm not asking you to disrespect them nor tell them about your carnal desires but you do need to be more assertive with them, otherwise they will continue treating you as a child.

 

[DeadBall]

Islamic gyms are full of protein sheikhs.

Protein Sheikhs, Naats, no girls. Don't think this will workout.

 

[ElRaja]

I appreciate everyones advice. I have decided to join the gym from this week and start to become fit and healthy. My parents have already found a local islamic gym for me, where their will be no girls. Im happy that atleast i can improve my body and be able to spend time out of home.

thats a good first move, but you have to do it for about four weeks, after that it'll start becoming a habit.

remember the harder you work out the more tired you will be, the better you will sleep, the lower your stress levels will be.

Gyms barely have any girls anyway (only a few on the treadmill).

true, but the girls that are there, oooh my, would definitely distract khan saab. i legit dont wear my glasses in the gym, lol, easily distracted.

 

[Itachi]

Gyms barely have any girls anyway (only a few on the treadmill). If that Islamic gym is whack just go to a regular one. I’m pretty sure ur parents haven’t been to the gym.

But Khan saheb wants to date, go-to clubs. If he joins an Islamic gym, then he already went to the other side on contrary to what he wishes.

Its a bit confusing. Is OP a conservative or liberal?

 

[Sher Khan]

But Khan saheb wants to date, go-to clubs. If he joins an Islamic gym, then he already went to the other side on contrary to what he wishes.

Its a bit confusing. Is OP a conservative or liberal?

Im a liberal. But in this situation it is more of me being allowed out of home. Going to the gym is better than being in a room full of darkness. Girls are secondary. Lifting weights and getting stronger will be beneficial for me.

 

[Darkrai]

You have to think about what is best for you currently and in the future. The kind of life you want to live and whether indulging yourself in activities like clubbing and being in a relationship will hinder or help you achieve that lifestyle.

If you are a believer, I would not recommend haram activities. Why ruin your end for a brief moment of happiness and satisfaction.

You should also clear out your situation with your parents. Let them know about your problems and what you want with your life.

Lastly, be confident in yourself and present yourself as a responsible person. Your parents will have more confidence in you and will give you more freedom. With that, you can socialize, especially with your Muslims friend, your parents shouldn't have a big issue with that. As you said, socializing will improve your confidence and make you less shy and awkward.

Good luck.

 

[Saeed]

Lol at Islamic GYM, makes you doubt the whole thing. I don’t know how people even have free time these days. I barely have enough time to even watch a 5 min youtube Clip with work during the day and night classes.

 

[Sher Khan]

I maybe wording it wrong. But Islamic gyms are real. They are basically gyms run by mosques. No females are allowed in there. Their is no haram stuff there like gangster gym music.

It was my first day there today and it was awesome. Solid environment and met some new people.

 

[big_gamer007]

I appreciate everyones advice. I have decided to join the gym from this week and start to become fit and healthy. My parents have already found a local islamic gym for me, where their will be no girls. Im happy that atleast i can improve my body and be able to spend time out of home.

Well done, that is the first step to a better life. I am happy and proud of you for taking the first step.

First time hearing about "Islamic Gym', do share your experiences in the Gym. How is it different from other Gyms? Only that girls are not allowed or any other changes?

 

[Slog]

Well done, that is the first step to a better life. I am happy and proud of you for taking the first step.

First time hearing about "Islamic Gym', do share your experiences in the Gym. How is it different from other Gyms? Only that girls are not allowed or any other changes?

Never heard but I guess it makes sense

Like even in America there are some Islamic centers with classrooms for kids, some small sports facilities and gyms. I’m guessing such a gym would be called Islamic gym. Men and women gyms would be segregated (if women have at all which I doubt)

 

[Pakistanian]

Lol at Islamic GYM, makes you doubt the whole thing. I don’t know how people even have free time these days. I barely have enough time to even watch a 5 min youtube Clip with work during the day and night classes.

Never heard but I guess it makes sense

Like even in America there are some Islamic centers with classrooms for kids, some small sports facilities and gyms. I’m guessing such a gym would be called Islamic gym. Men and women gyms would be segregated (if women have at all which I doubt)

Protein Sheikhs, Naats, no girls. Don't think this will workout.

A lot of mosques here have community centers that also have gyms, there's this new mosque in my area that is huge and they got a big gym and swimming pool and they have separate times for men and women so I guess that what he means by "islamic gym".

 

[PakPremi]

I'm glad Sher Khan followed the right path with his parents guidance going to a gym to keep himself busy and stress free and fit. Clubbing and chasing girls will often end in heartache and eventually depression.
Reading Namaaz, playing sports, visiting places of interests and learning new skills are a good way of living your life.

 

[Sher Khan]

Well done, that is the first step to a better life. I am happy and proud of you for taking the first step.

First time hearing about "Islamic Gym', do share your experiences in the Gym. How is it different from other Gyms? Only that girls are not allowed or any other changes?

Well yeah their are no girls and no steroids or haram drugs either. Also they play naats and islamic songs instead of the traditional gym music. The guys training their are all devout muslims and no one wears shorts or takes their top off.

 

[Romali_rotti]

Well yeah their are no girls and no steroids or haram drugs either. Also they play naats and islamic songs instead of the traditional gym music. The guys training their are all devout muslims and no one wears shorts or takes their top off.

So basically you are leaving your home environment to go to something quite similar an 'islamic gym'. Congrats!!!, you seem beyond help, till you are man enough to make some decisions on your life, you can live the life your parents want you to live.

 

[Itachi]

Im a liberal. But in this situation it is more of me being allowed out of home. Going to the gym is better than being in a room full of darkness. Girls are secondary. Lifting weights and getting stronger will be beneficial for me.

physically strong doesn't make you "strong". The novelty factor of joining a gym will ran out its course in one or two months and you'll fall into the same environment that you have had begin with.

If i were you, first i would have ask for help regarding depression. From your stories, it seems like it is a result of conflict with family resulting in identity crisis. A good therapist will enable you to restrospect and realize what is inside you which are causing these frustration.

Next, enroll in some study. I am sure there will be some college which does offer courses for part time workers (even in india it does and your condition is much better than here). It will enable you to build the base so that you can pursue greater paying jobs than retail shops.

The point is, there will be various ways to distact your mind. Opt for something which will yield long term results.

 

[Sher Khan]

Its okay guys. I will get my real freedom after marriage. Then my parents will not be able to boss me around and i will be in charge. I can go clubbing and partying then. Live the life up with my friends as well as enjoy with the girls.

 

[Itachi]

Its okay guys. I will get my real freedom after marriage. Then my parents will not be able to boss me around and i will be in charge. I can go clubbing and partying then. Live the life up with my friends as well as enjoy with the girls.

I had to laugh at that. Thats not gonna happen brother. And if it happens, it'll end up in a divorce.

With marriage, comes responsibilities and compromise. If you'll be partying, enjoying with girls... Then that will be the worst time to involve in that. And that isn't better than what you have now.

Your priorities and actions seem all over the place.

You are living under your parents now, you'll be living under your wife then.

 

[Romali_rotti]

Its okay guys. I will get my real freedom after marriage. Then my parents will not be able to boss me around and i will be in charge. I can go clubbing and partying then. Live the life up with my friends as well as enjoy with the girls.

You need help, I don't mean that in no dis-respect. See a Psychiatrist and get on some meds.

 

[Minnowbasher]

Bro definitely seek therapy and remember Allah is with you.
Have trust in Allah. This is the dunya and where trials and tribulations will occur. I pray it Insha Allah gets better.

 

[Technics 1210]

OP reads like a materialist. Materialism and faith in allah are incompatible.

On a further note, clubbing shouldn't be perceived as a sin. Perhaps this is where the mistake is, extremist interpretation of life.

 

[Minnowbasher]

OP reads like a materialist. Materialism and faith in allah are incompatible.

On a further note, clubbing shouldn't be perceived as a sin. Perhaps this is where the mistake is, extremist interpretation of life.

Why should clubbing not be perceived as a sin?
If your not religious you dont believe in sins anyway.
But islamically clubbing is a sin and you cant change the rules of a religion.
That being said one must ask why is clubbing haram?
Because the environment takes you away from the remembrance of Allah in which hearts find true rest according to us muslims.
Dont believe me?
Try out clubbing and tell me and you truly satisfied with your life?

 

[KingKhanWC]

OP reads like a materialist. Materialism and faith in allah are incompatible.

On a further note, clubbing shouldn't be perceived as a sin. Perhaps this is where the mistake is, extremist interpretation of life.

Listening to music alone or around people is no different.

As for the OP, agreed mate get married and you will be able to move unless after marriage you will be even more locked down.

 

[Minnowbasher]

As some people know, my life has been tough for a while know. With really strict parents controlling my life, health issues, social awkwardness and a lack of friends.

Im 22, and feel like i have wasted my entire Iife already. I have never been out by myself or with friends. It is only those boring shopping trips with he family- in which itself their eyes are glued on me. Most of the time, i am in my room with the light turned off for hours. I am very depressed about my life.

I have numerous issues. Had to quit studies, because of my depression and anxiety. The real reason for these conditions are a lack of social activity. But my parents think otherwise and chucked me at the mosque for Islamic Studies. I have no interest in religion and want to go clubbing and to get a girlfriend.

I work part time in retail. That is probably the best i can get without a professional qualification. But even that, my parents take the money as they think i am irresponsible and will spend it on haram.

I am shy and awkward around people. Numerous times i have overheard people saying i am weird, especially females. Which makes me really sad.

My parents and relatives tease me saying my mind is that of "a 6 yr old" as i have not yet fully completed my hifz and its taking me long.

I have desires. I want to live the life. Go to parties, drink, have fun with girls. All the guys my age do it.

Can someone give me good advice on what i should do?

Bro I swear these things will never truly give you happiness. If you dont believe go for it try it out but you will find you will only become more depressed.
These things you just mentioned are temporary things and can only satisfy you for a short period of time.
Even looking at it from a scientific point of view alcohol, clubbing etc gives you a temporary distraction from life but once your sober again you will feel even more depressed.
I live in the west and Wallahi the people here are so depressed due to their lifestyle despite having wealth, jobs, good quality of life etc.

Just connect to your lord and you will find happiness.

 

[Technics 1210]

Why should clubbing not be perceived as a sin?
If your not religious you dont believe in sins anyway.
But islamically clubbing is a sin and you cant change the rules of a religion.
That being said one must ask why is clubbing haram?
Because the environment takes you away from the remembrance of Allah in which hearts find true rest according to us muslims.
Dont believe me?
Try out clubbing and tell me and you truly satisfied with your life?

I dont need drugs to enjoy clubbing. You should be asking yourself what is the point of our senses such as sight and sound if we are not enjoy them?

Let me guess, you enjoy black and white TV?