How do you deal with your parents and spouse not getting along?

[HussainRx8]

I need some serious advice from married posters. I have been married a year now, and nearly every month I'm arbitrating a dispute between my parents and spourse (even though my parents and we live in different cities).

I'm feeling dejected and completely worn out. I won't lie that I've often thought about divorce as a way to end this. I'm on very good terms with my wife but I am also the only child of my parents, and as such have responsibilities. It is extremely disruptive to my professional life as well.

I understand this problem is not unique to me and is likely as old as mankind. But I'm in need of some serious advice from people who have dealt with this first-hand.

What's the best way to handle this? Does it get better with time? I want to eventually have my parents move in with us (especially as they ail).

 

[Pakistanian]

It's odd that they're fighting when y'all don't even live together. We don't know the details about what's going on or who's fault is it so can't give any meaningful advice, all I can suggest is that keep contact betweem them to the minimum. Divorce isn't a solution, especially cause your parents don't get along with her. There are no gurantees that they'll get along with your next wife either.

 

[DeadBall]

Depends on who you prefer more. As much as our parents have done for us, Desi parents do tend to get over demanding and over emotional. I personally clipped the whole situation in the bud regarding my wife and mother (basically it's the women who have a problem mostly) and told them to sort the issue out among themselves. However I did tell my mother when she was in the wrong and the Mrs too. Don't have time for all this drama. Just be strong and don't let either emotionally blackmail you (the parents or spouse) and things will fall into place.

 

[LongHorn]

I can write pages on this topic....
But one thing I will say its easy to say "don't let anyone emotionally blackmail you"

the sight of a mother falling sick because you have hurt her is not easy for a guy to digest, even if the reaction is exaggerated.

Of course at some point you may stop caring, but then when you become a parent, you realize how much your own parents did for you and you wonder whether they were right and you were wrong ...

 

[the Great Khan]

I need some serious advice from married posters. I have been married a year now, and nearly every month I'm arbitrating a dispute between my parents and spourse (even though my parents and we live in different cities).

I'm feeling dejected and completely worn out. I won't lie that I've often thought about divorce as a way to end this. I'm on very good terms with my wife but I am also the only child of my parents, and as such have responsibilities. It is extremely disruptive to my professional life as well.

I understand this problem is not unique to me and is likely as old as mankind. But I'm in need of some serious advice from people who have dealt with this first-hand.

What's the best way to handle this? Does it get better with time? I want to eventually have my parents move in with us (especially as they ail).

You need to give some more details and then some of us oldies might be able to help. Overall desi parents have overtly high expectations of their kids when they get married. But as a man your duty is to your family and you also have a duty to your parents and your wife. If your parents are in the wrong then they are wrong, end of. You need to be brave and tell them that. They are your parents and will eventually come around. At the end of the day you have to go home to your wife and mother of your children.

Can you give some more details?

 

[khiska]

did not think I would be writing anything on a public forum about this topic but living in a joint family system and being married has definitely exposed me to this area.

First off, I would like to state that contrary to popular belief first year of marriage is definitely the hardest and from my own experience it wasn’t hard because of situation between the wife and I, it was hard because in the first year u realize that family’s of both parties do play a role.

The very first week of our married life I sat my wife and family down and stated that this happens to be a life long relationship and I don’t want to be a proxy in situations, if someone has an issue with me they come to me, similaraly if someone has an issue with the wife or vice versa they should clear the air themselves because the moment someone else gets involved it becomes a “he said she said” scenario.

over all bud hang in there, can’t speak for everyone but I have thought on similar track as u perhaps not as intensely, the only advice I can give is that u bring them in a room and state that both relationships InshAllah are life long and that they need to get a long, let them talk it out no matter how long it takes, if it gets emotional then good because they will feel closer to each other at the end. Once that is done try showing small gestures of gratitude going forward

This will not elimante your issues but InshAllah going forward it will definitely help your parents and wife connect. It is an on going effort and you just have to believe that the goal is happiness