What's new

How likely are you to marry against your parents wishes?

How likely are you to marry against your parents wishes?

  • Total voters
    26
MenInG

MenInG

PakPassion Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Oct 2, 2004
Runs
217,977
I have a colleague from India - a young guy from a very ordinary family who is getting married to a girl who is defying her parents.

They will do a civil marriage but I am just curious to know how many here would do that?
 
Once a grand son/daughter is born, everything gets forgiven. So it's not a big issue in long run in most cases.
 
I won't disobey my parents but they are mature enough to hear me out.
 
Parents should always come before your spouse. If at all you marry against your parents wishes, it can be atoned if you divorce her (only if she disrespects your parents). some women like to separate the son from his parents and they don't deserve a second chance.
 
Depends where 'here' is. If you are living in the subcontinent, parents probably have a lot more say. Although from what I've heard even that is not like it used to be, kids these days are a lot more fussy even over there.

If you are living abroad, especially in the west, your parents only hold any authority up to the age of 16 so you could do pretty much what you like after that.
 
Guys this is a poll so feel free to add your votes!
 
100% likely.

They came to understand her value though.
 
I'm in the process.

They're okay with it. Not the happiest. I will only say listen to your parents because there is wisdom that comes with old age. Take their advice but at the end of the day only you know what you truly want.
 
Will marry whoever i want to. Old age does not guarantee wisdom. A lot of old people are extremely stupid and full of themselves.
 
I tried, its not always easy. Unfortunately my parents want everything as per their checklist where the background of the girl and her family and extended family is hundred percent checked, then comes the girls education and whether whatever she is doing profitable. Very frustrating formula to crack.
 
Highly unlikely. I married only after my parents approved. Though they had known her for more than a decade.
 
Both my parents are in heaven. I will have a love marriage like my siblings.
 
I read the question wrong, but my real vote would be for anyone I wanted.

Hopefully people will slowly transition out of this Stone Age nonsense of arranged marriages and take complete control over their lives.
 
CricFan2012 said:
I read the question wrong, but my real vote would be for anyone I wanted.

Hopefully people will slowly transition out of this Stone Age nonsense of arranged marriages and take complete control over their lives.
Click to expand...

But if your parents have reservations, would you defy their wishes?
 
CricFan2012 said:
I read the question wrong, but my real vote would be for anyone I wanted.

Hopefully people will slowly transition out of this Stone Age nonsense of arranged marriages and take complete control over their lives.
Click to expand...
This nonsense made it impossible for me to marry the girl I wanted.

Parents should advise kids, not dictate.
 
I am 100% likely to do so. My girlfriend of almost 4 years is a white atheist, and I'm a British Pakistani. Had to keep her secret the whole time, and my parents would never, ever approve. I also left Islam which they don't know about either. I'm planning on either moving out for my Masters degree next year, or PhD a year after that. It's going to be a rough couple of years.
 
if they were 100% against it, id stop to think what am i missing. if the people who know you best think somethings wrong, maybe there is. my parents are fairly pragmatic, i doubt they'd stop me for no good reason.
 
I think I could and I would because in the end especially a guy is always able to get his way right.

But realistically, it just causes so many problems in the long run especially when that person is from a different background / non-abrahamic view. So then sometimes you find yourself distancing that person even when they may have always been there for you when everyone else was a bare bum.
 
Nikhil_cric said:
Will marry whoever i want to. Old age does not guarantee wisdom. A lot of old people are extremely stupid and full of themselves.
Click to expand...

Some things you dont understand when you're young. You have to listen to elders and then decide on your own of course
 
Your life your decision

Your parents will most likely die in 20-30 years but you will be stuck with a bad spouse for much longer.
 
How likely are you to marry against your wife's wishes?

Tauba tauba :O
 
In a healthy family setup one would have the culture of open discussion and exchange of thoughts. However in traditional Pakistani family parents have the last word just because they are parents amd not because their arguments make sense. On serious issues going against the parents demands can have serious consequences like getting expelled from the whole family.

Therfore I find myself in a position where it's the question of jeopardizing many relationships just for one romantic one. Hence it's difficult and I am undecided.
 
I was never under that situation but if I had to I would have. You are going to lead your life forever with someone, you cannot start it with lies.
 
Guess this is more of a culture issue - whether the newer gen is breaking away from cultural norms is probably what will define this poll
 
Mercurial said:
What a rude answer.
Click to expand...

How is Adbul's response to op's quesion rude? It's his life, he can do as he pleases. If you decide to marry a girl that your mom picked out for you, you do as you please. Each to his own.
 
light said:
How is Adbul's response to op's quesion rude? It's his life, he can do as he pleases. If you decide to marry a girl that your mom picked out for you, you do as you please. Each to his own.
Click to expand...

The taste of his answer was rude.
 
I will appreciate if anyone can advise me on a dilemma I'm going through:
I'm contemplating marrying a foreigner (Aussie). She is doing her MBA, plus she works as a Barista and used to do some modelling as well. She is a very kind person and I think I'm in love with her.
Personally, I'm a conservative person. Should I go ahead or think of only marrying a Pakistani girl?
 
greatest said:
I will appreciate if anyone can advise me on a dilemma I'm going through:
I'm contemplating marrying a foreigner (Aussie). She is doing her MBA, plus she works as a Barista and used to do some modelling as well. She is a very kind person and I think I'm in love with her.
Personally, I'm a conservative person. Should I go ahead or think of only marrying a Pakistani girl?
Click to expand...

Get to know the aussie more, whether she has the same life values and long-term interests that you do and has an open mind on your background and the sensibilities assosciated with it. If she does, then marry her !
 
RexRex said:
Get to know the aussie more, whether she has the same life values and long-term interests that you do and has an open mind on your background and the sensibilities assosciated with it. If she does, then marry her !
Click to expand...
I know her quite well but the problem is unlike me and my family she is way too liberal. She is outgoing and likes to live life the fullest. She even does some modeling gigs for events, sometimes in bikini and lingerie. What I like is that we share a lot when it comes to the world view and humanity. This is what attracts me more about her than her beauty and body.

What I fear is that my family which is typical conservative Pakistani Muslim family might reject her for being too liberal and also for her modeling career. I know she would not like if I say to change her way of life.

Since last year I have become too close to her and sometimes I think I should not have done that because now I'm attracted to her.
 
In general, the best in such situations would be to find someone in the family (cousin/aunt/uncle) you can trust not to overreact and have a long detailed discussion with them to get a real opinion.

Given the fact that you're conservative and likely value longer term family relationships, a lot will depend on
- whether you think your parents are the kind who, even if they react badly initially, are likely to come around in the longer run
- whether your partner is the kind who, despite being from a completely different background has the capacity and open-mindedness to try her best to understand a conservative household and what it takes to be an adjunct member if not be fully accepted into it
- whether there are any similar examples...even if not completely identical in your wider family and how the reaction was to them

Speaking from experience since my wife just served as a "consultant" to a cousin of hers who's getting married to an American girl.
 
greatest said:
I know her quite well but the problem is unlike me and my family she is way too liberal. She is outgoing and likes to live life the fullest. She even does some modeling gigs for events, sometimes in bikini and lingerie. What I like is that we share a lot when it comes to the world view and humanity. This is what attracts me more about her than her beauty and body.

What I fear is that my family which is typical conservative Pakistani Muslim family might reject her for being too liberal and also for her modeling career. I know she would not like if I say to change her way of life.

Since last year I have become too close to her and sometimes I think I should not have done that because now I'm attracted to her.
Click to expand...
Based on the info you have given, it’s very simple.

Are you Muslim? And how big of a role does Islam play in your life and how big of a role do you intend it playing in this marriage and in the life of your kids?

Ask yourself questions like these to protect yourself from regret later. Then we can get to parents opinion.

Because right now you are only concerned about how it will come across to your family, when this is a decision that has more of an impact on you then it has on them.

So you have to begin evaluating how she fits in your life and how you fit in hers in the type of lifestyle you want and she wants. Eg are you comfortable with your wife doing modeling gigs in bikini and lingerie? If you are religious, is she willing to follow your leadership and revert before marriage?

Your parents want the best for you ofc, and want you to make this decision of your life in accordance to Islam.

But attraction is just an emotion. A feeling. You will feel it literally thousands upon thousands of times in your life. You cannot go based off just that.
 

In Islam, a male doesn't need guardian's approval to get married. So, I don't need my parents' approvals for getting married.

Having said that, I hope to marry a religious and socially conservative woman. I also hope she will be fiscally conservative (who will not overspend).
 
Suleiman said:
Based on the info you have given, it’s very simple.

Are you Muslim? And how big of a role does Islam play in your life and how big of a role do you intend it playing in this marriage and in the life of your kids?

Ask yourself questions like these to protect yourself from regret later. Then we can get to parents opinion.

Because right now you are only concerned about how it will come across to your family, when this is a decision that has more of an impact on you then it has on them.

So you have to begin evaluating how she fits in your life and how you fit in hers in the type of lifestyle you want and she wants. Eg are you comfortable with your wife doing modeling gigs in bikini and lingerie? If you are religious, is she willing to follow your leadership and revert before marriage?

Your parents want the best for you ofc, and want you to make this decision of your life in accordance to Islam.

But attraction is just an emotion. A feeling. You will feel it literally thousands upon thousands of times in your life. You cannot go based off just that.
Click to expand...
I appreciate your reply!

Well, religion is definitely important to me and I want her to change her western liberal ways and this is where I am stuck to make a decision. As I mentioned, I like her free-thinking, views on life and no doubt she is beautiful, but my only concern is that I might hurt her if I advise her to change her living especially being a model which is her passion.

I know I have a tough decision to make and most probably I would not be successful. Many times I think to get out of her life and forget her but then I just can't. If I avoid her for days she would call me repeatedly and visit my place. She is so kind and supportive that I currently don't have the courage to tell her to change because I feel I might hurt her.

I know I have to say to her someday and I fear the reaction.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
sweep_shot said:

In Islam, a male doesn't need guardian's approval to get married. So, I don't need my parents' approvals for getting married.

Having said that, I hope to marry a religious and socially conservative woman. I also hope she will be fiscally conservative (who will not overspend).
Click to expand...
Thanks for the info! Appreciate it.
 
greatest said:
I appreciate your reply!

Well, religion is definitely important to me and I want her to change her western liberal ways and this is where I am stuck to make a decision. As I mentioned, I like her free-thinking, views on life and no doubt she is beautiful, but my only concern is that I might hurt her if I advise her to change her living especially being a model which is her passion.

I know I have a tough decision to make and most probably I would not be successful. Many times I think to get out of her life and forget her but then I just can't. If I avoid her for days she would call me repeatedly and visit my place. She is so kind and supportive that I currently don't have the courage to tell her to change because I feel I might hurt her.

I know I have to say to her someday and I fear the reaction.
Click to expand...
If i were you i would not tell her to change her change. I would convince her with my actions. I would say marry her then practice religion with her. let her look into the religion by her own will.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
pakistanisgreat said:
If i were you i would not tell her to change her change. I would convince her with my actions. I would say marry her then practice religion with her. let her look into the religion by her own will.
Click to expand...
This will create more problem if she doesn't agree. I think it's better to sort out the religion before marriage. Plus, the family acceptance is also vital especially considering her modeling background.
 
greatest said:
I appreciate your reply!

Well, religion is definitely important to me and I want her to change her western liberal ways and this is where I am stuck to make a decision. As I mentioned, I like her free-thinking, views on life and no doubt she is beautiful, but my only concern is that I might hurt her if I advise her to change her living especially being a model which is her passion.

I know I have a tough decision to make and most probably I would not be successful. Many times I think to get out of her life and forget her but then I just can't. If I avoid her for days she would call me repeatedly and visit my place. She is so kind and supportive that I currently don't have the courage to tell her to change because I feel I might hurt her.

I know I have to say to her someday and I fear the reaction.
Click to expand...
That last sentence you wrote says p much everything.

You are being afraid and anxious in this decision making because you’re putting her reaction above what Allah has commanded you to do and how He perceives you.

You are afraid of losing a beautiful woman instead of thinking “all good, I know Allah will give me another”- I know reading that may sound harsh because rn you think “she’s the one!!!” But would that matter as a Muslim at the end of your life if you continue this premarital relationship and marry a non Muslim (I know we can marry People of The Book- different convo)

If you truly care about your faith in this then that talking to her about itshould be the first priority.

But that conversation should’ve come a long time ago but you let yourself get too attached before bringing it up thus making it even harder on yourself emotionally.

Just have the conversation and realize it’s normal to feel that fear of losing someone. You either deal with that fear or the fear of losing yourself and your faith if you keep going down this route of being indecisive because you’re afraid of losing her.

Obviously give her time to explore the faith, but it’s time to have this talk
 
Suleiman said:
That last sentence you wrote says p much everything.

You are being afraid and anxious in this decision making because you’re putting her reaction above what Allah has commanded you to do and how He perceives you.

You are afraid of losing a beautiful woman instead of thinking “all good, I know Allah will give me another”- I know reading that may sound harsh because rn you think “she’s the one!!!” But would that matter as a Muslim at the end of your life if you continue this premarital relationship and marry a non Muslim (I know we can marry People of The Book- different convo)

If you truly care about your faith in this then that talking to her about itshould be the first priority.

But that conversation should’ve come a long time ago but you let yourself get too attached before bringing it up thus making it even harder on yourself emotionally.

Just have the conversation and realize it’s normal to feel that fear of losing someone. You either deal with that fear or the fear of losing yourself and your faith if you keep going down this route of being indecisive because you’re afraid of losing her.

Obviously give her time to explore the faith, but it’s time to have this talk
Click to expand...
Thanks again for your valuable advice.

Bro, no matter how faithful you are it's very hard to resists if you are attracted to a woman especially if she is caring, honest and also beautiful. Unfortunately, I too got tempted and instead of keeping a distance I kept following her. We met a lot for lunches and dinners and she even invited me on a few occasions to her bikini gigs and I couldn't resist seeing her. I'm sure if a pretty woman invites any man for this event where she hardly wears anything, 9/10 guys won't refuse it.

I know I should leave her because she would never leave her modeling even if she agrees marrying me. And yes, I need the courage to tell her. It would be painful to lose a friend..but yes I have to give priority to my values and faith. Hopefully, the Almighty will guide me. As I said it's hard to resists your temptations especially if the woman is not only kind, supportive but also extremely beautiful and sensual. And I really mean it...it's very hard to resist.

Thank you bro for giving me the motivation.
 
greatest said:
Thanks again for your valuable advice.

Bro, no matter how faithful you are it's very hard to resists if you are attracted to a woman especially if she is caring, honest and also beautiful. Unfortunately, I too got tempted and instead of keeping a distance I kept following her. We met a lot for lunches and dinners and she even invited me on a few occasions to her bikini gigs and I couldn't resist seeing her. I'm sure if a pretty woman invites any man for this event where she hardly wears anything, 9/10 guys won't refuse it.

I know I should leave her because she would never leave her modeling even if she agrees marrying me. And yes, I need the courage to tell her. It would be painful to lose a friend..but yes I have to give priority to my values and faith. Hopefully, the Almighty will guide me. As I said it's hard to resists your temptations especially if the woman is not only kind, supportive but also extremely beautiful and sensual. And I really mean it...it's very hard to resist.

Thank you bro for giving me the motivation.
Click to expand...
I completely empathize with the feeling brother. That’s part of the test. Prophet Muhammad PBUH himself said, “I have not left behind me any fitnah (temptation) more harmful to men than women.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5096; Muslim, 2740.

So yes, it’s tough. Every Muslim man will go through it.
 
Suleiman said:
I completely empathize with the feeling brother. That’s part of the test. Prophet Muhammad PBUH himself said, “I have not left behind me any fitnah (temptation) more harmful to men than women.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5096; Muslim, 2740.

So yes, it’s tough. Every Muslim man will go through it.
Click to expand...
Yes, it's indeed the most harmful and stubborn temptation. People only understand it once they go through it.

A few weeks back I had a conversation on this same topic with a fellow Muslim friend from Egypt, he told me don't be tense, it's not a big issue, just avoid her for a week and the temptation would be over. After a few hours he called me again asking for her WhatsApp so that he can advise her.

The next day when I met her she said this Egyptian guy wanted to offer her a modeling gig.

Later when I spoke to him he told me that he is just trying to be friendly with her so that he can then advise her on the issue. Btw, my GF refused his offer saying he didn't knew anything.

Anyways, I hope overcoming this test would strengthen my faith. Thanks again for your kind words.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
FearlessRoar said:
I believe it's always better to marry with the will of parents because their blessings are important for us. If they are offering advice, it means it is for our betterment.
Click to expand...
Yes, it's perfect if both the individuals have a good understanding and share the same values. Unfortunately or fortunately, I have lived almost my whole life outside of my home country and my parents are more on the traditional side.
 
greatest said:
I will appreciate if anyone can advise me on a dilemma I'm going through:
I'm contemplating marrying a foreigner (Aussie). She is doing her MBA, plus she works as a Barista and used to do some modelling as well. She is a very kind person and I think I'm in love with her.
Personally, I'm a conservative person. Should I go ahead or think of only marrying a Pakistani girl?
Click to expand...
Umm yes, get your aussie pr, marry an aussie babe and have beautiful children and a rich family? Why not? What's the dilemma?
 
The funny thing is my dad wants me to marry a pakistani girl from my cousins side because she lives in the US, primarily because he wants me to get a usa passport lol.

Although I'll say this, compatibility does matter alot, however gen z drama's exaggerate relationships alot, usually if both of you are sane adults, marriage isn't as big a deal.
 
mominsaigol said:
Umm yes, get your aussie pr, marry an aussie babe and have beautiful children and a rich family? Why not? What's the dilemma?
Click to expand...
What a foolish reply. I’d recommend the guy to move on. The girl has different values and totally different lifestyle, on the contrary the the poster want to carry his religious and cultural values. This match is a formula of disaster and I can already foresee how it might end up.
 
Azzurri said:
What a foolish reply. I’d recommend the guy to move on. The girl has different values and totally different lifestyle, on the contrary the the poster want to carry his religious and cultural values. This match is a formula of disaster and I can already foresee how it might end up.
Click to expand...
Once you have kids and get their custody, no marriage is a disaster. Primary objective of marriage is to have kids to whom you can pass on your values.
 
CricketCartoons said:
Once you have kids and get their custody, no marriage is a disaster. Primary objective of marriage is to have kids to whom you can pass on your values.
Click to expand...
Thats precisely the point. If the parents have totally difference values and perception of how they want to raise their kids then surely i will lead to marital issues.
 
Azzurri said:
Thats precisely the point. If the parents have totally difference values and perception of how they want to raise their kids then surely i will lead to marital issues.
Click to expand...
Where is patriarchy when you need it? Men are getting too soft these days.
 
CricketCartoons said:
Where is patriarchy when you need it? Men are getting too soft these days.
Click to expand...
Exactly. And if you read the posts of the poster, he's doesn't come across as someone who will try to lead the way. It he seems as if he's more worried about possibly offending the girl instead of manning up and leading the way as he should.
 
Azzurri said:
What a foolish reply. I’d recommend the guy to move on. The girl has different values and totally different lifestyle, on the contrary the the poster want to carry his religious and cultural values. This match is a formula of disaster and I can already foresee how it might end up.
Click to expand...
Naw, my advice is basically a Sequel to the movie the big sick
 
Azzurri said:
Their's a reason why movies are called movies. Reality is a totally different ball game.
Click to expand...
The thing is, if they can marry and are willing, then go for it. He benefits significantly pr wise and location wise but the girl obviously does not but if the girl wants to for some reason then go ahead we can't judge.
 
The thing is, I would never marry against my parents wishes primarily because I don't view marriage as a date, love type thing.

Reality is that you have to marry for compatibility aka the families marry more or less to provide stability. Love marriage is a disaster if the 2 people's families are from different worlds.

It's why someone like Bill gates daughter married a rich Prince and not some random colledge graduate that she went to school with or why shahid Khan's children also married children of billionaires and not some random pakistani on the street.
 
This board’s membership is almost 100% male so of course you can see which way this poll is going to settle. Lol
 
If my parents disagreed with my choice I'd compromise. Marry neither whom I want nor do so somewhere just to please them. In that situation it is best to find a third person who we all like. I would not be able to build my home on the tears of my parents.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

sweep_shot
How forgiving are you?
Replies
22
Views
569
gani999
gani999
Asad T
Sports betting to hedge your emotions — would you? [NOT a recommendation or endorsement]
Replies
27
Views
223
Vikram1989
V
Bhaag Viru Bhaag
'Treated like criminal': Indian student handcuffed, pinned to floor at US airport, Consulate reaches out to authorities
Replies
36
Views
704
Rajdeep
R
M
Why do Pakistanis show such strong solidarity with Palestine?
Replies
70
Views
2K
BunnyRabbit
B
D
The family issues - My father and sister
Replies
71
Views
2K
Dulex9
D
Back
Top