Issues in your life

[humzy]

Hi Guys,

I have recently started changing my perception on how to tackle life. Instead of coming from the mindset of take take take. I want to begin to give as much value as possible.

So list any issues in your life you are currently facing. This can be big or small issues in regards to your work, relationships and life in general. I or someone on the forum will try and help solve the issue if possible.

I am hoping through this exercise I can learn how to solve problems in my everyday life and eventually bring this skill into my work and monetise it.

I guess I can start with two issues.

Firstly, my relationship with my parents has deteriorated over the last few years due to our differing morals/views on life. This stems from the culture I grew up in compared to them. I want to be able to keep a loving relationship with them while being true to my own beliefs and have struggled to balance this so far.

Second issue is my nephew. He sits at home all day and plays video games and watches tv but does not exercise. I don't want him grow up unhealthy but am still trying to find a way to make him passionate about being active.

 

[ManFan]

Hi Guys,

I have recently started changing my perception on how to tackle life. Instead of coming from the mindset of take take take. I want to begin to give as much value as possible.

So list any issues in your life you are currently facing. This can be big or small issues in regards to your work, relationships and life in general. I or someone on the forum will try and help solve the issue if possible.

I am hoping through this exercise I can learn how to solve problems in my everyday life and eventually bring this skill into my work and monetise it.

I guess I can start with two issues.

Firstly, my relationship with my parents has deteriorated over the last few years due to our differing morals/views on life. This stems from the culture I grew up in compared to them. I want to be able to keep a loving relationship with them while being true to my own beliefs and have struggled to balance this so far.

Second issue is my nephew. He sits at home all day and plays video games and watches tv but does not exercise. I don't want him grow up unhealthy but am still trying to find a way to make him passionate about being active.

Give up your cultural differences in front of your parents.
Show your nephew the consequences of not exercising like disease and excessive pharmaceuticals. I remember our school showed us the consequences of smoking/drug usage and haven't touch them to this day.

 

[PakLFC]

My priority is always my health, everything else is secondary. I don't care much about marriage and things like that providing my nearest and dearest are happy with me. Have some skin problems at the moment that I am having attending to. My parents deceased when I was in my mid teens. Have okay relations with close relatives.

 

[Nikhil_cric]

I've had health issues since my teenage years and this has affected my prospects. Secondly, being in a relationship with a Muslim woman has created a lot if issues I guess .

 

[Pakistanian]

Introducd your nephew to video games about sports and maybe show him games or take him to a cricket game. That should trigger any interest and may inspire him to play sports.

 

[DW44]

Working in an organization whose HR handbook specifically states "no final decision can be taken without the approval of the relevant Chinese manager" - as opposed to just manager - is super annoying as someone with very little regard for strict hierarchies and especially the type where your nationality determines your position on the organizational food chain. If Telenor, Nokia or Jacobs had similar clauses for Norwegian/Finnish/American managers, their employees would riot.

To think this is is one of the better Chinese companies, being global and all, and actually employs non-Chinese in roles other than blue collar work (rare in Pakistan with Chinese companies). All my professional life I've worked in pure meritocracies (Norwegian/American companies) or places where I was the star employee poached from a bigger company (Pakistani company) so every day working for the Chinese is soul crushing. Only silver lining is that you get to put a billion dollar company's name on your CV but it comes at quite the cost.

 

[humzy]

Give up your cultural differences in front of your parents.
Show your nephew the consequences of not exercising like disease and excessive pharmaceuticals. I remember our school showed us the consequences of smoking/drug usage and haven't touch them to this day.

It is not as easy as just saying hey this is me and this is how i am different. They just don't understand, the religious aspects plays a major role in this. I cant just say to them hey i don't believe what you believe and i think your morals are unjustified therefore i will do what i want. That would cause so much pain to the point where i am worried my mother might have a literal heart attack.

 

[humzy]

Introducd your nephew to video games about sports and maybe show him games or take him to a cricket game. That should trigger any interest and may inspire him to play sports.

Thats the plan

 

[Suleiman]

Interesting, I've had the same perception change recently as well.

 

[humzy]

Working in an organization whose HR handbook specifically states "no final decision can be taken without the approval of the relevant Chinese manager" - as opposed to just manager - is super annoying as someone with very little regard for strict hierarchies and especially the type where your nationality determines your position on the organizational food chain. If Telenor, Nokia or Jacobs had similar clauses for Norwegian/Finnish/American managers, their employees would riot.

To think this is is one of the better Chinese companies, being global and all, and actually employs non-Chinese in roles other than blue collar work (rare in Pakistan with Chinese companies). All my professional life I've worked in pure meritocracies (Norwegian/American companies) or places where I was the star employee poached from a bigger company (Pakistani company) so every day working for the Chinese is soul crushing. Only silver lining is that you get to put a billion dollar company's name on your CV but it comes at quite the cost.

Wow, they would be facing a lot of legal issues with those kinds of HR regulations in Oz.

Have you considered moving away, i mean it may not look as great on your CV but at the end of the day you need to balance out your well being as well as your career. Are you sure being unhappy for a long time due to a slightly better looking CV is worth it?

 

[Slog]

Working in an organization whose HR handbook specifically states "no final decision can be taken without the approval of the relevant Chinese manager" - as opposed to just manager - is super annoying as someone with very little regard for strict hierarchies and especially the type where your nationality determines your position on the organizational food chain. If Telenor, Nokia or Jacobs had similar clauses for Norwegian/Finnish/American managers, their employees would riot.

To think this is is one of the better Chinese companies, being global and all, and actually employs non-Chinese in roles other than blue collar work (rare in Pakistan with Chinese companies). All my professional life I've worked in pure meritocracies (Norwegian/American companies) or places where I was the star employee poached from a bigger company (Pakistani company) so every day working for the Chinese is soul crushing. Only silver lining is that you get to put a billion dollar company's name on your CV but it comes at quite the cost.

it is mindboggling if they have this in a handbook....

 

[DW44]

Wow, they would be facing a lot of legal issues with those kinds of HR regulations in Oz.

Have you considered moving away, i mean it may not look as great on your CV but at the end of the day you need to balance out your well being as well as your career. Are you sure being unhappy for a long time due to a slightly better looking CV is worth it?

Move away to where? In the short term, the only options are Pakistani companies (which would be a major downgrade in financial terms) or the middle east (completely unacceptable - someone like me can't survive in that kind of environment without running afoul of the law or some local). Western companies used to be an option but they're either downsizing or packing up - Nokia and Jacobs, for instance, two companies I have worked for/with, are both no longer in business here. Long term, I'm waiting on a couple of immigration applications to be processed so hopefully one of them should come through in a couple months.

 

[Slog]

My issue is the following:
My boss likes people who suck up to him and that is totally against my nature.

 

[DW44]

it is mindboggling if they have this in a handbook....

Not particularly mind boggling, or even mildly surprising if you've worked with or for Chinese companies in Pakistan for any reasonable length of time and are familiar with how they operate. Companies like Huawei/ZTE (who are a duopoly in their field btw, having driven out Nokia and Ericsson, their only competitors) have work forces that are nearly 70 percent Chinese. In Zong, a junior Chinese manager can overrule a senior Pakistani one.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

Wow, they would be facing a lot of legal issues with those kinds of HR regulations in Oz.

It makes you wonder what kind of regulations are in place in Pakistan. Obviously not very many, which is odd as you would think they would look to protect local workforce. But then again, all the expertise is being brought by China so why would they give it up if they don't have to?

 

[DW44]

It makes you wonder what kind of regulations are in place in Pakistan. Obviously not very many, which is odd as you would think they would look to protect local workforce. But then again, all the expertise is being brought by China so why would they give it up if they don't have to?

What expertise? They're not doing anything that wasn't already being done before they came. Most of the jobs Chinese nationals do are jobs previously done by Pakistanis and, at least in the telecom sector, better. We had both Nokia, with a Pakistani workforce, and ZTE, with a Chinese workforce, as vendors at various points and there's no comparison between the quality of their services. ZTE bribed the Hungarian CTO, who was later fired, for contracts in Pakistan, Hungary and Malaysia. Most Chinese companies get around regulations and labor laws the Pakistani way - through bribery.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

What expertise? They're not doing anything that wasn't already being done before they came. Most of the jobs Chinese nationals do are jobs previously done by Pakistanis and, at least in the telecom sector, better. We had both Nokia, with a Pakistani workforce, and ZTE, with a Chinese workforce, as vendors at various points and there's no comparison between the quality of their services. ZTE bribed the Hungarian CTO, who was later fired, for contracts in Pakistan, Hungary and Malaysia. Most Chinese companies get around regulations and labor laws the Pakistani way - through bribery.

Bribery would work everywhere if the conditions allowed. This is the whole point of government when it comes down to it, to ensure the population's welfare is put first. If a foreign government can override it, then you may as well have martial law. Same difference at the end of the day.

 

[DW44]

Bribery would work everywhere if the conditions allowed. This is the whole point of government when it comes down to it, to ensure the population's welfare is put first. If a foreign government can override it, then you may as well have martial law. Same difference at the end of the day.

If it comes down to the Pakistani government, or any the government of most third world countries - though, much to your chagrin I'm sure, not India's - this kind of thing is inevitable. The same happened and is still happening in dozens of African countries. This is something richer countries have been doing in poorer ones for centuries, especially after the end of colonialism and the rise of neoliberalism.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

If it comes down to the Pakistani government, or any the government of most third world countries - though, much to your chagrin I'm sure, not India's - this kind of thing is inevitable. The same happened and is still happening in dozens of African countries. This is something richer countries have been doing in poorer ones for centuries, especially after the end of colonialism and the rise of neoliberalism.

Chagrin or not, got to give credit where it's due, India have been doing democracy a lot better than Pakistan for a long time. International trade as well for that matter.

 

[humzy]

I've had health issues since my teenage years and this has affected my prospects. Secondly, being in a relationship with a Muslim woman has created a lot if issues I guess .

Are the health issues genetic?

I could imagine the relationship with a muslim woman being intense, is it mainly family issues?

 

[R3verse Swing]

Second issue is my nephew. He sits at home all day and plays video games and watches tv but does not exercise. I don't want him grow up unhealthy but am still trying to find a way to make him passionate about being active.

What console does he have? If Playstation, then the PS Move is great for keeping active while playing games. I would add the PSVR too.

It's great exercise! More importantly, fun!

 

[hadi123]

Need to sort out a house for next year at University. Very stressed about that as it's already March and we still haven't sorted it out.

 

[R3verse Swing]

The problems mentioned in this thread are nothing compared to the likes of this:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-43302615

Husband basically kills his wife, then 2 kids, then himself - which appears to be because of debt.

Such stories are becoming the norm.

 

[Nikhil_cric]

Are the health issues genetic?

I could imagine the relationship with a muslim woman being intense, is it mainly family issues?

Im not sure if fibromyalgia has a genetic component man. Family issues on her side. They would insist on my conversion to Islam which I definitely wouldnt. She herself has no issues however and is happy with whoever I am

 

[JaDed]

Always trying to figure out meaning of life/assuming I could had corrected something in past which makes me not be "present" but always 5 seconds behind, leading to lower productivity and frustration with myself.

Job insecurity,Mother's health,distance from parents,partner and dog.

Me and my dad still argue about religion, he has stopped giving lectures on it,maybe coz the distance but the gap created remains.

Its very rare to see son andFather bonding, father has to be liberal and humorous to bond with sons.

 

[Sidilicious]

Give up your cultural differences in front of your parents.
Show your nephew the consequences of not exercising like disease and excessive pharmaceuticals. I remember our school showed us the consequences of smoking/drug usage and haven't touch them to this day.

Its never as straightforward as you mentioned. Ones beliefs and thinking is what makes you. You cannot just cover it up in order to appease your family.

Its a very tricky issue and not an easy one to deal with. I am also going through something similar but to a much lesser extent. The only suggestion I can give [MENTION=49152]humzy[/MENTION] is to try to not bring up the cultural differences around your folks, and if they bring it up try to change the topic. Things like this do not come up everyday and can be tackled. But they become a burning issue when its about a life partner etc. Then you need to be clear that you respect your parents beliefs, but you will never be happy if your folks dont allow you to get on with your life.

Unfortunately, there will always be a bit of a dual life.

 

[Sidilicious]

Its never as straightforward as you mentioned. Ones beliefs and thinking is what makes you. You cannot just cover it up in order to appease your family.

Its a very tricky issue and not an easy one to deal with. I am also going through something similar but to a much lesser extent. The only suggestion I can give [MENTION=49152]humzy[/MENTION] is to try to not bring up the cultural differences around your folks, and if they bring it up try to change the topic. Things like this do not come up everyday and can be tackled. But they become a burning issue when its about a life partner etc. Then you need to be clear that you respect your parents beliefs, but you will never be happy if your folks dont allow you to get on with your life.

Unfortunately, there will always be a bit of a dual life.

a bit of dual lifestyles*

 

[TM Riddle]

Im not sure if fibromyalgia has a genetic component man. Family issues on her side. They would insist on my conversion to Islam which I definitely wouldnt. She herself has no issues however and is happy with whoever I am

Stay safe man. Things such as these could escalate pretty quickly in India. Muslim girls are a big no to me.

 

[CricketCartoons]

Im not sure if fibromyalgia has a genetic component man. Family issues on her side. They would insist on my conversion to Islam which I definitely wouldnt. She herself has no issues however and is happy with whoever I am

Contact the nearest RSS shakha if you are being harassed and we will have your back.

 

[Nikhil_cric]

Stay safe man. Things such as these could escalate pretty quickly in India. Muslim girls are a big no to me.

Muslim girls were a big no for me too considering how violent some members of the local Muslim community can become but you can't help who you fall in love with I guess.

 

[TM Riddle]

Muslim girls were a big no for me too considering how violent some members of the local Muslim community can become but you can't help who you fall in love with I guess.

Reverse Love jihad
Do you plan to marry her?

 

[Nikhil_cric]

Contact the nearest RSS shakha if you are being harassed and we will have your back.

And thank you once again for your excellent insight and support CC Bhai. What would we do without you?

 

[TM Riddle]

And thank you once again for your excellent insight and support CC Bhai. What would we do without you?

RSS could come pretty handy in such circumstances though. They would rejoice and gleefully join your cause once they find out it's a Muslim girl. But the things could get pretty ugly in these matters and you don't want to be in the middle of that when it happens , trust me on that.

 

[Eagle_Eye]

Not particularly mind boggling, or even mildly surprising if you've worked with or for Chinese companies in Pakistan for any reasonable length of time and are familiar with how they operate. Companies like Huawei/ZTE (who are a duopoly in their field btw, having driven out Nokia and Ericsson, their only competitors) have work forces that are nearly 70 percent Chinese. In Zong, a junior Chinese manager can overrule a senior Pakistani one.

Astounding!!..... Bring it out in the open via social media.

I am not sure who to be more angry at .... the Chinese or the Pakistani leadership

 

[Sidilicious]

Working in an organization whose HR handbook specifically states "no final decision can be taken without the approval of the relevant Chinese manager" - as opposed to just manager - is super annoying as someone with very little regard for strict hierarchies and especially the type where your nationality determines your position on the organizational food chain. If Telenor, Nokia or Jacobs had similar clauses for Norwegian/Finnish/American managers, their employees would riot.

To think this is is one of the better Chinese companies, being global and all, and actually employs non-Chinese in roles other than blue collar work (rare in Pakistan with Chinese companies). All my professional life I've worked in pure meritocracies (Norwegian/American companies) or places where I was the star employee poached from a bigger company (Pakistani company) so every day working for the Chinese is soul crushing. Only silver lining is that you get to put a billion dollar company's name on your CV but it comes at quite the cost.

Is this also a policy in other countries, for example Europe? I have a feeling this might not be written in other countries but in practice.

 

[Nikhil_cric]

Reverse Love jihad
Do you plan to marry her?

She's not bold enough to go that far. Might end soon methinks.

 

[DW44]

Astounding!!..... Bring it out in the open via social media.

I am not sure who to be more angry at .... the Chinese or the Pakistani leadership

Why would you be angry at the Chinese? Their job is to get every advantage they can to secure their interests and they're doing it well. Its the government's job to take care of the labor market.

 

[kaayal]

She's not bold enough to go that far. Might end soon methinks.

Malayali aano de?

 

[Bhaijaan]

My life has been amazingly transformed since i turned vegan. Life is now full of love and compassion. Truthfulness is the way of life. No matter how hard you try to run away from the truth it will catch up with you. Embrace truthfulness and be a helper. Believe in oneness. Believe in goodness.

Bhaijaan.

 

[humzy]

Why would you be angry at the Chinese? Their job is to get every advantage they can to secure their interests and they're doing it well. Its the government's job to take care of the labor market.

It is both the governments and corporations responsibility. In the modern age you cant have these sorts of discriminatory rules set in contract. So he is right to be angry at the Chinese leadership of this multi national company.

 

[humzy]

She's not bold enough to go that far. Might end soon methinks.

Dont stress bro, theres half a billion other prospects in your country haha.

I know it sounds cold because you have strong feelings towards this girl but its the truth.

 

[humzy]

Muslim girls were a big no for me too considering how violent some members of the local Muslim community can become but you can't help who you fall in love with I guess.

This is something I have really noticed in myself (even though I'm not a practicing muslim). I get very protective over muslim women and I see it with most muslim men around me too. I don't see it as necessarily bad but its interesting when I compare it to people from other cultures/religions who are much more relaxed and open about it.

 

[dauntless]

Koi umeed bhar nahi aati
Koi soorat nazar nahi aati
Pehle aati this haal e dil pe hasi
Abb kisi baat par nahi aati
Quite hopeless bit depressed.it's complicated.

 

[JaDed]

She's not bold enough to go that far. Might end soon methinks.

Don't want to generalize but that is true,of all the inter-religious couples I have seen one marriage where the guy is a Hindu and girl Muslim, others all fizzle out.

Best of luck irrespective of that, but there is a human psychology where we want something that we can't have,good to know you have better perspective.

 

[Nikhil_cric]

Malayali aano de?

No no. Bangalore Muslim. I would never date a malayali girl

 

[Nikhil_cric]

Don't want to generalize but that is true,of all the inter-religious couples I have seen one marriage where the guy is a Hindu and girl Muslim, others all fizzle out.

Best of luck irrespective of that, but there is a human psychology where we want something that we can't have,good to know you have better perspective.

With my health issues I only want someone who understand s and can live with all that comes as part of the package - the chronic pain and stuff. She was someone who did I guess. It is just unfortunate she happens to be from a different religion lol.

 

[Nikhil_cric]

Dont stress bro, theres half a billion other prospects in your country haha.

I know it sounds cold because you have strong feelings towards this girl but its the truth.

No I know. Im someone who gets detached pretty easily when I know it's not gonna work . So im ok with whatever happens I guess.

 

[Nikhil_cric]

This is something I have really noticed in myself (even though I'm not a practicing muslim). I get very protective over muslim women and I see it with most muslim men around me too. I don't see it as necessarily bad but its interesting when I compare it to people from other cultures/religions who are much more relaxed and open about it.

Perhaps the Islamic world and Islam itself is inherently more patriarchal than other religions ? I've noticed this too. Not that the others are extremely liberal but men in other communities don't seem to have as much say in women's affairs, their choices etc.