This thread epitomizes the white knight wannabe nature of educated, middle class, upper middle class, elite Pakistani men. Not a single thread has condemned the deliberate behaviour of the guy's wife against him, he has for the most part been told to suck it up and to continue to linger on in an unhappy marriage. I can bet my bottom dollar if we reverse the roles here if it was the guy constantly mocking, making fun of his wife, calling him ajeeb, making fun of her weight, the entire female brigade would be telling her to leave her evil oppressive husband. But here you have guys condescending, making merry of the guys predicament.
To the OP, life is to short to keep wasting on a spouse you cannot tolerate, only you know your situation best and what is the level of love and compatibility with your spouse and how she feels about you.
If you leave an inappropriate behaviour, attitude uncorrected, it will always be fester. Hence for starters you need to take charge and tell her to cut the **** out. She probably feels and takes for granted that you don't have any other options hence she can continue to treat you like crap hence you need to start giving her ultimatums that if she doesn't start correcting her behavior you will not hesitate to chuck her out of your life and if your folks tell you otherwise you tell them that this is how it's going to be from now on.
You never know, there might be someone else out there who will be hundred percent more compatible for you and will also love you. Sticking with this woman who is making your life hell will deprive you off that. My mamu spent 18 years in an emotionally and physically abusive marriage which he wanted to end 5-6 times but was stopped by his parents, siblings under the pretext of guzzara Karo. His major source of depression now is the fact that had he had the guts to take this step when he was in his thirties, he could have found a more compatible, second spouse
I absolutely love the posts that you have put up in this thread and cant help agreeing to a lot of waht you have said. First of all im sorry to hear that about your mamu, my heart just sank when i read that story but then its also sad that family talked him out of it 5-6 times, if the conversation has cropped up THAT many times about them seperating/divorcing then you have to wonder if the family have done him any favours.
Thank you for seeing things from my point of view, now im not saying im 100% right but no individual is. IF you ask my friends and parents im the most patient guy going, they would perhaps even say that I am too laid back, my friends even joked that i may be "under the thumb" of my wife. She said a number of things to begin with and I let it go and maybe for a time period i did let things fester but at the weekend i did talk to her about the whole "motto" thing, can i re-iterate i talked to her not "confront" her, and she told me it was just a term of endearment which i thought she might say but i said ok if you call me it now and then then its ok but i have heard it 500 times in the past 5 days alone, how am i supposed to feel? she then backed off a bit and said she wont use it, so lets see if that situation is resolved, however she did let slip that word again a few times later on but i think its because she was so used to saying it she let it "slip" but most of the time she hasnt since that conversation.
If people think im being sensitive just because of "motoo" then they have missed the point, I clearly did mention in my previous posts the other things she has said to me and how she puts me down. just at the weekend there my dad was complimenting me in front of her saying that my sense of direction and map reading is quite good, how when i was younger and my dad was travelling to London I guided him on the routes and how to get to London on time and if it werent for me he probably wouldnt have made it. She then turns round and says "I didnt realise he was THAT talented". I mean wow, the tone of hers was just so condescending, and this is not the first time, when a compliment has been made towards me she has stepped in and said something to try and negate it. I really feel like telling everyone else around me please dont compliment me about anything in front of my wife otherwise she will turn round and say something to "negate" it, the situation has become like this that I dont want to accept compliments from other people when she is around. This second time at the weekend she was looking at my food and say dont eat too much, my mum said its only extra vegetables and then she turned round and said, "mum is defending her son in this". I mean I have dealt with one thing her calling me fat constantly and now it is this.
I think I know people like your wife. I have this colleague from the university, she recently got married and cropped her husband out of the wedding picture. Her husband seems like a nice person, he comments on her pictures telling how good she looks and her replies are like I know and also pictures of her honeymoon were mostly her pictures. When husband asked where his pictures were, she was liike post your pictures on your timeline. All this is happening in public, social media. It is very cringy, to say the least. She used to be a decent person but something happened to her during the last year of medical school. She got kinda arrogant and started behaving wierdly. I hope your wife ain't as bad as her.
Dude that is so sad, nobody deserves that treatment, i hope his situation gets better.
It’s not necessarily impossible. Not everyone is confident in having these sort confrontational conservations. You may be some one who’s comfortable with confrontation but not everyone is.
Plus, relationships are complicated, he may not want to have this conversation due to fear of the reaction he’ll get. He only recently committed to this marriage so he’s probably not sure what to do because it won’t look good if he breaks off the marriage so quickly.
This is exactly the problem sometimes, I dont want to confront anyone straight away as I fear the reaction could be worse but of course when one crosses the line then the conversation get necessary, I wish I was better at dealing with situations like these but im getting better, some people are just naturally confident about confronting someone.
I have put up with "put down" humour that sometimes friends use with each other and its fine, I think its funny, its enjoyable and nobody crosses the line ever, despite me knowing them for many years. So its certainly not a case of me being overly sensitive. Am I senstive person yes, nothing wrong with that but never OVERLY SENSITIVE, I know how to take humour in its stride.
