Pakistanis and their quest for foreign passport-holding spouses

[saeedhk]

Having been to Pakistan recently, I have seen how Pakistani parents are willing to marry off their children to overseas Pakistanis at the blink of an eye.

I have seen parents marrying off their teenage daughters to 50-year old British Pakistanis. I have also seen parents marrying off their daughters to drug addicts who, of course, held foreign passports.

Once you go to Pakistan, you will realise money is everything for the vast majority of Pakistanis. If you have money, people will respect you and treat you well but if you are poor , people will treat you worse than an animal.

A few months back, my friend from Hong Kong went to Pakistan to attend a wedding and he got harassed by locals who kept on proposing his marriage with their daughters.

 

[Justcrazy]

Its like culture . But the main point is that people who get married should know that they are not getting married to right person because they doing only for passport. Its not going to last .

 

[Down2Earth]

Pretty sure this isn't just a Pakistani thing. Happens all over Asia

 

[Mamoon]

Money is everything everywhere. People who deny it do not understand how the world works.

 

[Pakistanian]

You must feel so special.

 

[Slim]

Pretty sure this isn't just a Pakistani thing. Happens all over Asia

Money is everything everywhere. People who deny it do not understand how the world works.

Perfectly put. Its not a Pakistani thing, its every country which is a third world or poor. Money matters in every facet of life unfortunately.

 

[Savak]

Yes and No. Some families will hold a foreign passport holder in high esteem, others will not.

 

[big_gamer007]

In India its a mix and match. I have seen family of a lot of girls who prefer their daughter to stay in India and are not willing to marry someone who will go abroad in future.

There are few families who give preference to a person living abroad, however, most of them look for a professionally stable person.

Then there are some independent girls who prefer a guy living abroad over a well settled guy from India.

The above is from my own and many friend's experiences in last 5 years. Mostly contacted upper middle class/Affluent families.

Although, I must say, I did hear of an incident like the one mentioned in OP. Many years ago (13-15 years ago), one of my long distant cousin who was from a very small town was getting married to a guy settled in U.S. The guy's family were all rich doctors from London and the guy didn't speak Hindi. The cousin stayed with us for a month or so and used to talk to the guy over emails. Then the guy and his family came to our home to meet the girl and her family, the guy was a whacko seemed mentally disturbed to me, was acting weirdly, maybe a drug addict or maybe just mentally not fully grown, even then the girls family and the girl herself wanted to get married to that guy. We all thought they wanted to marry her to take her abroad and make her do maid work (like we saw in bollywood movies lol). It just didn't make sense for such a uber rich family to marry into such a poor family, with language barrier between girl and guy as well. Anyways, after a few months the marriage didn't work out the guy stopped replying to the girl's email and the middleman who brought the proposal to my cousins family said the guy does not want to marry her.

That was the only real instance where I saw the girls family/girl herself being greedy to marry somewhere where they know the girl will not fit in and it would be a certain divorce or is a scam (either wanted a maid or the guy was drug addict/mentally ******). Even then they were ready for such a marriage knowing it will most likely ruin the girls life.

The girl is happily married with kids in India now. So a happy ending for her.

 

[Mamoon]

Perfectly put. Its not a Pakistani thing, its every country which is a third world or poor. Money matters in every facet of life unfortunately.

Even in first world capitalist countries as well. The difference in third world and first world countries is that money gives you more prestige in third world countries. In the west, people tend to judge you for your personal achievements but in the subcontinent, if you inherit a fortune, hardly anyone cares even if you drop out of school in 5th grade.

You will have respect in society, people will want to befriend you, you won’t have any problem getting married etc. It is wrong but that is how our society has been constructed.

 

[WhenSultansBowled]

Unfortunately, this is how it is.

Women (and their families) prefer men with money, status and/or power since time immemorial.

I have lived in many rich places and I've seen the same trend over and over again.

Doesn't matter if they are desi or non-desi, black, white or any other social classification, a dude/girl with money is always rated higher.

 

[Slog]

It depends on the family

Most Pakistanis abroad are working class and it’s working class families who want to marry their children off to them. And it makes sense

It’s not like upper middle class families are compromising with the working class folks

 

[saeedhk]

It may be accurate to say that this sort of thing happens in the West too but being rich in Pakistan gives you unchecked power and influence not seen elsewhere.

 

[saeedhk]

A guy from my village could not get married in Pakistan and he was getting old -he was 32 which, according to Pakistani standards, is already too late for marriage but as soon as he landed in Hong Kong, his relatives back im the village started ringing him up, sucking up to him and making wedding proposals.

He got married within a year of moving to Hong Kong.

 

[Realromeo]

I enjoyed a bit of miniscule fame in my earlier days when I was a u-17 state player and attended national trials. Not many people from my city represented our state. Fast forward 13 years later, I'm fat and blading and no desi girl will even look at me here in Canada. However I still can get arranged marriage and in fact even choose a girl out of pile of photos at any moment. Power of "Foreign"

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

It may be accurate to say that this sort of thing happens in the West too but being rich in Pakistan gives you unchecked power and influence not seen elsewhere.

The west isn't a third world country. Why would it happen here? A better comparison would be Vietnam where girls are being shipped over here by international prostitution rings. Don't those girls have parents?

 

[Ronaldo7]

I enjoyed a bit of miniscule fame in my earlier days when I was a u-17 state player and attended national trials. Not many people from my city represented our state. Fast forward 13 years later, I'm fat and blading and no desi girl will even look at me here in Canada. However I still can get arranged marriage and in fact even choose a girl out of pile of photos at any moment. Power of "Foreign"

Lucky

 

[GoUgandaCranes]

I don't see anything wrong in this. Everyone wants a secure and better future. A lot of times people seem to think that this better future lies outside their confines of existence and hence such things are common place.

 

[big_gamer007]

The west isn't a third world country. Why would it happen here? A better comparison would be Vietnam where girls are being shipped over here by international prostitution rings. Don't those girls have parents?

Plenty of cases of marrying for money in West too. Forget marrying, even during initial dating phase some people get attracted to monetary related things. It's human tendency.

Of course it's not comparable to what OP mentioned, that's just another level altogether.

 

[IAJ]

Having been to Pakistan recently, I have seen how Pakistani parents are willing to marry off their children to overseas Pakistanis at the blink of an eye.

I have seen parents marrying off their teenage daughters to 50-year old British Pakistanis. I have also seen parents marrying off their daughters to drug addicts who, of course, held foreign passports.

Once you go to Pakistan, you will realise money is everything for the vast majority of Pakistanis. If you have money, people will respect you and treat you well but if you are poor , people will treat you worse than an animal.

A few months back, my friend from Hong Kong went to Pakistan to attend a wedding and he got harassed by locals who kept on proposing his marriage with their daughters.

Well, no one wants to be treated bad, and parents want their children to come out of poverty and they feel marrying their children in West can secure them a better future.

And you are overdoing and generalizing as you have done previously as well. The majority are not as desperate as you are describing. Of course there will always be exampls of parents marrying their 20 year old daughter to a 45 years old man settled in West. But that is not so common.

Finally only poor and needy will understand how tough it is to marry their children. Imagine yourself in same situation.

 

[saeedhk]

Well, no one wants to be treated bad, and parents want their children to come out of poverty and they feel marrying their children in West can secure them a better future.

And you are overdoing and generalizing as you have done previously as well. The majority are not as desperate as you are describing. Of course there will always be exampls of parents marrying their 20 year old daughter to a 45 years old man settled in West. But that is not so common.

Finally only poor and needy will understand how tough it is to marry their children. Imagine yourself in same situation.

I do not believe I am exaggerating. It is very common in Pakistan. You have to go to Pakistan to see it for yourself. It is the same all over the country.

 

[Syed1]

I do not believe I am exaggerating. It is very common in Pakistan. You have to go to Pakistan to see it for yourself. It is the same all over the country.

I'm in Pakistan, and you are making it seem that every single family is looking for a foreign spouse. Do not extend your experiences to everyone else. Maybe in your circles that was the case, but definitely not amongst educated middle-class/elite class families.

 

[King-Misbah]

I'm in Pakistan, and you are making it seem that every single family is looking for a foreign spouse. Do not extend your experiences to everyone else. Maybe in your circles that was the case, but definitely not amongst educated middle-class/elite class families.

I think it was more of a thing in the past but not so much now. Some Pakistani girls have had a bad experience of marrying from abroad so therefore people are a lot more cautious now. And ofcourse the west can not cater for the rich from Pakistan, the wealthy in Pakistan have a total different life style.

 

[Knight_Rider]

Melania Trump enuff said.

 

[from_da_lost_dim3nsion]

Arranged marriages are kind of transnational in nature. Foreign passport = money in most people's eyes. Put 2 and 2 together ....

 

[Pakistanian]

I do not believe I am exaggerating. It is very common in Pakistan. You have to go to Pakistan to see it for yourself. It is the same all over the country.

Well Pakistan is a poor developing country or in less politically correct terms - a third world country, so of course marrying your daughter to a Pakistani origin man living in a first world country like America, Canada or any European country would be seen as a path to a better life. I don't know why is that surprising. Many old Western men (usually Caucasian) go to East Asia to marry East Asian women significantly younger than them and many of these women don't mind because they're actively seeking a greencard/foreign citizenship. At least Pakistanis keep it within the Pakistani community.

 

[mgtow]

There is nothing wrong with that. Even in Canada, young girls marry to older rich men and they are not even Muslims.

Everyone marry the money. Because you need money to survive and stable life.

Ultimately at the end, it is men jobs to be breadwinner. Men in old age is where you will find them settled compared to young men still struggling in life.

It makes sense for young girls to marry old stable men with homes and means to provide stable lifestyle. Even in Islam, it is encouraged because it is rewards for the hardworking men who does the duties for the families until their families are taken care of; parents and sisters.

Then men gets free of family obligation but by then, those men will be too old. Good news is that young girls are taught that there is no such thing as Bollywood lifestyle so they are making smart choices.

 

[Ahmed4472]

In my personal observations foreign passport is not a lucrative thing for girls and their parents in Islamabad. Can't speak for other cities but I think this might be true for Lahore and Karachi as well. Girls from Islamabad are more happy and more likely to find good and young guys in Pakistan. Most of the people I know don't want to send their daughters abroad where there will be no servants and maids to help them.

 

[Ahmed4472]

I'm in Pakistan, and you are making it seem that every single family is looking for a foreign spouse. Do not extend your experiences to everyone else. Maybe in your circles that was the case, but definitely not amongst educated middle-class/elite class families.

If you go to interior parts you will get a lot of proposals from parents of good looking girls but not in major cities.

 

[Syed1]

If you go to interior parts you will get a lot of proposals from parents of good looking girls but not in major cities.

OP sahab is making it seem every Pakistani family is willing to sell of their daughter or son for a foreign passport.

 

[cric_man]

OP sahab is making it seem every Pakistani family is willing to sell of their daughter or son for a foreign passport.

LOL. Reading up the OP it felt like it was an epidemic. In the US, you can mail order yourself a bride from Russia/Eastern European countries. Used to big right after the break up of USSR.

 

[Ahmed4472]

OP sahab is making it seem every Pakistani family is willing to sell of their daughter or son for a foreign passport.

He didn't mention which area he's been to. In some interior cities the trend is to find matches abroad and sometimes the age factor is overlooked. But generally in bigger cities people don't want to send their daughters abroad.

 

[Savak]

Based on my experience, it is the really simple traditional lower class or middle class families which place some weigtage on the guy having a foreign passport.

For highly educated, upper families and the elite, a foreign passport has lesser weigtage and is not really a major factor. These girls have a far greater say on their choice of a life partner

 

[Pakistanian]

Based on my experience, it is the really simple traditional lower class or middle class families which place some weigtage on the guy having a foreign passport.

For highly educated, upper families and the elite, a foreign passport has lesser weigtage and is not really a major factor. These girls have a far greater say on their choice of a life partner

Those people are the 1% of Pakistan and don't represent the overwhelming majority of Pakistanis, also the elites usually have dual nationality just in case they need to escape.

 

[MenInG]

If it gets them to a country they want to live in and its legal - then what's the issue?

 

[saeedhk]

I'm in Pakistan, and you are making it seem that every single family is looking for a foreign spouse. Do not extend your experiences to everyone else. Maybe in your circles that was the case, but definitely not amongst educated middle-class/elite class families.

The elite class represents 1% of Pakistan’s population. They already hold foreign passport or have enough money to live an extravagant life in Pakistan. I am talking about majority of Pakistanis- the ones who find it hard to put two meals on the table.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

The elite class represents 1% of Pakistan’s population. They already hold foreign passport or have enough money to live an extravagant life in Pakistan. I am talking about majority of Pakistanis- the ones who find it hard to put two meals on the table.

If they find it hard to put two meals on the table, then why is it such a disgrace to look for a way of bettering that situation? Even you are living abroad, I would hesitate to speculate why that may be the case.

 

[Pakistanian]

The elite class represents 1% of Pakistan’s population. They already hold foreign passport or have enough money to live an extravagant life in Pakistan. I am talking about majority of Pakistanis- the ones who find it hard to put two meals on the table.

You answered your own question lol.

 

[saeedhk]

You answered your own question lol.

Further on my point earlier, even those who own large tracts of lands are willing to sell off their lands in order to get to a foreign country.

What I meant was that everybody except the top 1% of Pakistanis want to flee the country. Even those who are middle-class and have tertiary education want to flee. The attraction of a foreign spouse is too much for the majority of Pakistanis even if they are relatively well-off.

 

[Savak]

Lol, the difference bw the age of my father in law and me is 3-4 years and the difference bw the age of me and my mother in law is 2-3 years.

I think that should conclude this thread emphatically

 

[Slog]

Lol, the difference bw the age of my father in law and me is 3-4 years and the difference bw the age of me and my mother in law is 2-3 years.

I think that should conclude this thread emphatically

What the heck

Your situation just keeps becoming more and more u Kaye

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

Further on my point earlier, even those who own large tracts of lands are willing to sell off their lands in order to get to a foreign country.

What I meant was that everybody except the top 1% of Pakistanis want to flee the country. Even those who are middle-class and have tertiary education want to flee. The attraction of a foreign spouse is too much for the majority of Pakistanis even if they are relatively well-off.

I really doubt that is true. You are just pulling random numbers from thin air and making assumptions based on this faulty reasoning.

 

[kk1992]

Further on my point earlier, even those who own large tracts of lands are willing to sell off their lands in order to get to a foreign country.

What I meant was that everybody except the top 1% of Pakistanis want to flee the country. Even those who are middle-class and have tertiary education want to flee. The attraction of a foreign spouse is too much for the majority of Pakistanis even if they are relatively well-off.

99.9% of mine family members are not in top 1% and they do not want to flee Pakistan.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

99.9% of mine family members are not in top 1% and they do not want to flee Pakistan.

I would say the same for mine, although most of them are fairly well off. But then perhaps when saeedhk is speaking of desperate Pakistanis, he is speaking of his own family experiences and imagining it is the same for everyone.