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The Lame Jokes Thread

Whats funnier than the holocaust?

Dead babies. I mean loads of dead babies, millions even, brutally mauled, mutulated and half eaten by thousands of baby zombies.
 
An American, a Jap and and a Sardarji meet naked in a sauna. Suddenly the American starts pressing imaginary digits on his palm, and studies some imaginary results. The curious Jap and Sardarji are told that by the American that he has a PC etched into his palm, the latest hi-tech device.

Suddenly a bell rings, and the Jap says, 'excuse me' and holds his palm to his ear, and carries on a phone conversation. "Latest Japanese technology -- mobile phone inside palm", he explains to the American and the Sardar.

Sardarji begins to wonder how he can upstage these hi-tech show-offs. Meanwhile he has to go to the loo. When he comes back, there's a bit of toilet paper sticking out of his backside. When the Jap and the American point it out to him, Santa Singh says in the most nonchalant tone he can muster...












... Excuse me, I am receiving a fax...
 
Last edited:
An old lady goes to a doctor with a complaint: Doctor, I have a peculiar problem. I fart all the time, but strangely, they have neither sound nor smell.

The doctor gave the lady some pills. "Take these thrice a day for a week and see me after that. "

The lady came back a week later and said, "Doctor, I don't know what you did, but now my farts are loud."

And the doctor replied...









































... "Now that I have fixed your hearing problem, it's time to fix your sinus"...
 
*Knock Knock.*

Whose there?

Muhammad.

Muhammad who?

Muhammad Amir.

I'm sorry Amir, I can't let you through these doors to use the NCA practice facilities as this would be a clear contravention of your ban. I'm just a lowly doorman and my salary barely allows me to support my parents, wife and three kids. If I lost this job then I would lose everything.
 
Prince_Pathan said:
a saudi was being interviewd at the us embassy to get a visa


<b>Consul</b> : your name please?
<b>Saudi:</b> Sheikh Abdul-Aziz
<b>Consul</b> : Sex?
<b>Saudi</b> : six time a week
<b>Consul</b> : i meant male or female?
<b> Saudi</b> : Both male and female, sometime even camels
<b>Consul</b> : holy cow!
<b> Saudi </b> : yes cows & dogs too
<b> Consul </b> : man! isnt that hostile?
<b>Saudi</b> : horse style,dog style any style
<b> Consul </b> : Oh Dear!
<b> Saudi </b> : no deer! they run too fast!
Click to expand...

That is a killer:)):))):)):)))!!!!!
 
*looks at thread title*
*looks for inspiration*
*sees the flag besides his username*

What do you call a coup d'etat in French?

A coup d'etat :yk

:19:
 
I feel sorry for Prince William on his bachelor party, Its gotta be weird stuffing money into a strippers bikini when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it
 
Gujar said:
*Knock Knock.*

Whose there?

Muhammad.

Muhammad who?

Muhammad Amir.

I'm sorry Amir, I can't let you through these doors to use the NCA practice facilities as this would be a clear contravention of your ban. I'm just a lowly doorman and my salary barely allows me to support my parents, wife and three kids. If I lost this job then I would lose everything.
Click to expand...

:)))
 
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
 
Oldie, but goldie:


Milka Singh was taking rest on a bench on the coast of SanFrancisco.

A gentleman came and asked him "Are you relaxing ?"

"NO, I am Milka Singh", was the anwer of Milkha Singh.

Then Milka Singh went down the lane and saw a white man taking sun-bath on the beach. Milkha Singh went to him and asked him

"Are you relaxing ?" The white man replied "Yes"

Milkha Singh "Someone was looking for you out there "
 
chaiwala said:
Oldie, but goldie:


Milka Singh was taking rest on a bench on the coast of SanFrancisco.

A gentleman came and asked him "Are you relaxing ?"

"NO, I am Milka Singh", was the anwer of Milkha Singh.

Then Milka Singh went down the lane and saw a white man taking sun-bath on the beach. Milkha Singh went to him and asked him

"Are you relaxing ?" The white man replied "Yes"

Milkha Singh "Someone was looking for you out there "
Click to expand...

It happened at an airport where Milkha crossed the yellow line at security check, without permission. "Wait please", said the official.
78 kilos, said Milkha and crossed the line.
 
This is set during Indira Gandhi's emergency between 1975 and 1977 when Sanjay Gandhi became notorious for his nasbandi (compulsory sterilisation) programe:

Santa Singh, a bachelor, lived on the first floor, above Banta Singh a married man with 9 children.
When the nasbandi guys came, they saw the large number of kids running around, and asked Banta, "Yeh saare kiske bachche hain?"

"Sab upar wale di meherbani hai" replied Banta.

The nasbandi chaps lost no time in sterilizing Santa.
 
A fellow walks into a bar on a quiet afternoon.

Shortly after getting a drink and sitting down at a table, he hears "my but you're a handsome chap".

He looks around but aside from the bartender, who is some distance off, the bar is quite empty. He's confused but decides to ignore it.

A short while later, he hears "Great shoes by the way".

This fellow looks around in confusion again, before asking the bartender, "did you hear that?"

The bartender replies, "Oh, ignore that. It's just the nuts...they're complimentary".
 
Gujar said:
*Knock Knock.*

Whose there?

Muhammad.

Muhammad who?

Muhammad Amir.

I'm sorry Amir, I can't let you through these doors to use the NCA practice facilities as this would be a clear contravention of your ban. I'm just a lowly doorman and my salary barely allows me to support my parents, wife and three kids. If I lost this job then I would lose everything.
Click to expand...

Genius as always G ... LOL
 
^ That doesn't really make sense, which sometimes has an element of humour in itself but not this time I'm afraid.
 
A Tamil was visiting Agra on holiday. He stopped a cab, driven by Banta Singh, and asked him:
"Taj Mahal terima?' (Terima is Tamil for do you know).

Banta was furious and replied: "Taj Mahal meri maa? Tto Kutub Minar tera Baap"
 
A Memon on his deathbed.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I’m here
My sons & daughters. r u all here?
Yes, Papa.
Memon:To phir barabar wale kamrey
ka pankha Q khula hay ??? :D
 
who killed osama ...

this guy has the true answer

<iframe width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZZJCjF5z1HI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> :asif
 
Santa Singh's car ( a VW Beetle) breaks down on the highway. Banta Singh, in another VW Beetle, stops to inquire.

"Someone has stolen my engine," says Santa, opening the bonnet in front, to show Banta.

"Don't worry," says Banta. "I have a spare engine in my dickey. You can have that."
 
Suresh Iyer said:
Santa Singh's car ( a VW Beetle) breaks down on the highway. Banta Singh, in another VW Beetle, stops to inquire.

"Someone has stolen my engine," says Santa, opening the bonnet in front, to show Banta.

"Don't worry," says Banta. "I have a spare engine in my dickey. You can have that."
Click to expand...

This is thread about lame jokes, not about jokes. Please dont spam in this thread. If you really dont know the difference between two then you should not be here. You are ruining this thread, Please dont post any more in this thread and create other thread for simple jokes
 
mnoman15 said:
This is thread about lame jokes, not about jokes. Please dont spam in this thread. If you really dont know the difference between two then you should not be here. You are ruining this thread, Please dont post any more in this thread and create other thread for simple jokes
Click to expand...

That is just hilarious!
 
UmarAkmals-fan said:
who killed osama ...

this guy has the true answer

<iframe width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/ZZJCjF5z1HI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> :asif
Click to expand...

Out of all the awful Youtube videos you've ever posted, this has to be amongst the worst.
 
I heard this one the other day:

'Osama bin Laden, coming to a beach near you' :facepalm:

And I didn't even get this one:

'I'm Osama bin Laden, and Windows7 was my idea.' :facepalm::facepalm:
 
mnoman15 said:
This is thread about lame jokes, not about jokes. Please dont spam in this thread. If you really dont know the difference between two then you should not be here. You are ruining this thread, Please dont post any more in this thread and create other thread for simple jokes
Click to expand...

OK, let me try my hand at a lame joke:

Cannibal's son to cannibal: Daddy, I don't like mummy
Cannibal to son: Then eat aunty
 
Suresh Iyer said:
OK, let me try my hand at a lame joke:

Cannibal's son to cannibal: Daddy, I don't like mummy
Cannibal to son: Then eat aunty
Click to expand...

Let me try and help you out

Cannibal's son to cannibal: Daddy I don't like mummy

Following this the son became a strong vegetarian and still maintained a fulfilling lifestyle, perhaps shining a light on the inadequacies of the guidance from his parents.

*Note I'm working with very poor original material here fellas :amin*
 
Poison said:
Let me try and help you out

Cannibal's son to cannibal: Daddy I don't like mummy

Following this the son became a strong vegetarian and still maintained a fulfilling lifestyle, perhaps shining a light on the inadequacies of the guidance from his parents.

*Note I'm working with very poor original material here fellas :amin*
Click to expand...

Now THATS how it's done!
 
Poison said:
Let me try and help you out

Cannibal's son to cannibal: Daddy I don't like mummy

Following this the son became a strong vegetarian and still maintained a fulfilling lifestyle, perhaps shining a light on the inadequacies of the guidance from his parents.

*Note I'm working with very poor original material here fellas :amin*
Click to expand...

Meanwhile, the boy's aunt languished because nobody was willing to cook her, and spent the rest of her life in a Buddhist monastery in Tibet...
 
My take on The Cannibals:

Cannibal's son to Cannibal:"Daddy,I don't like mummy ..."

At that precise moment in time it dawned upon the cannibal, who's name was actually Dave, that he didn't like her much either. He had only been putting up with her for all these years because she was his son's mother and the house was in her name. Further more, it was merely a cruel twist of fate and a stupid act of drunken mischief which had brought them together in the first place. It was she who introduced him to, which he now realised was a vile act of, eating ones kind, prior to which he was a strict vegan. Such was the impact of this damning self realisation that he just could not come to terms with the fact that he had spent all these years living as a vile sub-human creature due to the cruel influence of his wicked wife, that he sought solace in suicide and jumped infront of a bus. His son took care of his remains.
 
Okay, just thought of this one. It's as lame as they come:

Why are there so many conspiracies floating around about bin Laden?

Because it took 3 stories to get him.
 
U.S. Navy Seals "FREEZE!"

Osama Bin Laden "Silence! I Kill You!"

Osama thought they'd get the joke but the Seals freaked out and shot him.
 
^^^^^

That's better than mine. Here's another if you live in the United Killingdom :

Why did Osama get caught out?

He didn't know they collected bins on bank holidays.
 
Levity said:
^^^^^

That's better than mine. Here's another if you live in the United Killingdom :

Why did Osama get caught out?

He didn't know they collected bins on bank holidays.
Click to expand...

HAHAHAHA!!! I just spat all over my laptop!
 
A text message from a mate is a must for this thread.

"Apparently the Irish SAS joined in the assault over the weekend. Yeah, they stormed Debenhams after hearing Summer Bed Linen was on the 3rd floor!"
 
Brilliant "jokes" all around. Gujar, poison and Ace4rmspace you guys are posting absolute gold
 
ace4rmspace said:
My take on The Cannibals:

Cannibal's son to Cannibal:"Daddy,I don't like mummy ..."

At that precise moment in time it dawned upon the cannibal, who's name was actually Dave, that he didn't like her much either. He had only been putting up with her for all these years because she was his son's mother and the house was in her name. Further more, it was merely a cruel twist of fate and a stupid act of drunken mischief which had brought them together in the first place. It was she who introduced him to, which he now realised was a vile act of, eating ones kind, prior to which he was a strict vegan. Such was the impact of this damning self realisation that he just could not come to terms with the fact that he had spent all these years living as a vile sub-human creature due to the cruel influence of his wicked wife, that he sought solace in suicide and jumped infront of a bus. His son took care of his remains.
Click to expand...

:))) :)))

Just about trumps anything posted so far. Quality!
 
No one is safe in Pakistan, not even " Osama Bin Laden "
Everyone is safe in Hindustan even Ajmal Kasab & Afzal Guru.
 
Gujar said:
Out of all the awful Youtube videos you've ever posted, this has to be amongst the worst.
Click to expand...

wrong ..watch this :))

<iframe width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/XREnvJRkif0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
 
Garuda said:
No one is safe in Pakistan, not even " Osama Bin Laden "
Everyone is safe in Hindustan even Ajmal Kasab & Afzal Guru.
Click to expand...

No one is safe in Kashmir............ask the 93000 Kashmiris murdered by the occupation and terror army :inti
 
UmarAkmals-fan said:
wrong ..watch this :))

<iframe width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/XREnvJRkif0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Click to expand...

Do you feel blame? Are you mad? Uh, do you feel like wolf kabob Roth vantage? Gefrannis booj pooch boo jujube; bear-ramage. Jigiji geeji geeja geeble Google. Begep flagaggle vaggle veditch-waggle bagga?:yk:yk:yk seriously.......even :ajmal went "WTH"???
 
Ok how is this for being lame:

Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one.

What kind of shoes are made with banana skins?
Slippers! :108:
 
And some for the dear nerds on the forum:

Who was the roundest knight at the Round Table? Sir Cumference.

Do you know the molecular formula to sodium hydride? NaH....
 
^^^ no i was just kidding, hence the LAME joke........

and everyone knows those 93000 Kashmiris never died......thats just a made-up stat
 
violet_may said:
And some for the dear nerds on the forum:

Who was the roundest knight at the Round Table? Sir Cumference.

Do you know the molecular formula to sodium hydride? NaH....
Click to expand...

I actually found those funny and have recently been given a prescription to wear glasses for general use. Am I turning into a nerd? :hafeez
 
LethalSami said:
^^^ no i was just kidding, hence the LAME joke........

and everyone knows those 93000 Kashmiris never died......thats just a made-up stat
Click to expand...
okayyy. :)

Anyway, looking at the sensitivity of Kashmiris we shouldn't joke on the number of Kashmiri's killed.
 
Garuda said:
okayyy. :)

Anyway, looking at the sensitivity of Kashmiris we shouldn't joke on the number of Kashmiri's killed.
Click to expand...

That might be a good idea. It's a bit like making fun of those who got killed in the Mumbai Massacre. Touchy subjects for some who frequent these corners.
 
ace4rmspace said:
That might be a good idea. It's a bit like making fun of those who got killed in the Mumbai Massacre. Touchy subjects for some who frequent these corners.
Click to expand...
Yah, any event where innocent ppl lost their lives definitely not for jokes.

Anyway, lets get back to the topic and let me find some more lame jokes.
 
Garuda said:
Yah, any event where innocent ppl lost their lives definitely not for jokes.

Anyway, lets get back to the topic and let me find some more lame jokes.
Click to expand...

True.

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.


Err .... :yk
 
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