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The Lame Jokes Thread

Teacher to KG student - how many months in a year ??

Student - 12

Teacher - Good ..how did you know that .

Student - 12 Mahine mein 12 Tareeke se tujhko pyar karunga re ..Dinchika Dinchika....

:D
 
A man comes home one night and finds his wife in bed with another man. He then remembers that he is gay and has never had feelings for women. Furthermore due to his Attention Deficit Disorder he has forgotten that he is attempting to burgle the house. Before he can gather his thoughts he is struck over the head with a baseball bat by the irate husband and he falls in a heap on the floor.
 
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?

Because of his coffin.


What do you call a fish with no eye?

Fssh!
 
What did the chicken say when it got to the other side of the road?



















Nothing, it was run over before it could get there :|
 
An airline introduced a special Package for Business men.
Buy ur Ticket get ur wife's Ticket free.

After great success' the company sent letters to all the Wives asking how was the trip.
All of them gave a same relpy:

"Which Trip?":)
 
Height of Pressure in Corporates

COMPANY KA EMPLOYEE TOILET GAYA

Andar ja kar Baitha
Diwar Pe Likha Tha

ITNA ZOR KAAM PE DETA TO TARGET PURA HOJATA
 
I was talking to a friend once, and he was saying something about the Tennis player Rafael Nadal. The conversation continued as such:
Friend: Do you know who Rafael Nadal is?
Me: (Pretending not to know) Kaunsi Daal? Chanay kee daal suna tha, Moom Masoor bhee suna tha, lekin yeh NADAL kaunsi daal hai? :))
 
Ek cheeta Cigarette ka sutta lagane he wala tha ki achanak ek chuha wahan aya aur bola Bhai chor do nasha,Aao mere sath,dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat h.. Cheeta chuhe ke sath chal diya. Aage ek Hathi Cocine pi rha tha Chuha fir bola, Bhai chor do nasha,Aao mere sath,dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat h.. hathi b sath chal diya. Aage sher whisky pene he wala tha, chuhe ne usse b woi kaha, sher ne glass side me rakh kr chuhe ko 5-6 thapad mare. Hathi Bola arre es bechare ko kyon mar rhe ho?? Sher bola,Is kamine ne pichli baar b afeem kha kr muje 3 ghante jungle me aise he ghumaya tha.
 
UmarAkmals-fan said:
Ek cheeta Cigarette ka sutta lagane he wala tha ki achanak ek chuha wahan aya aur bola Bhai chor do nasha,Aao mere sath,dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat h.. Cheeta chuhe ke sath chal diya. Aage ek Hathi Cocine pi rha tha Chuha fir bola, Bhai chor do nasha,Aao mere sath,dekho ye jungle kitna khubsurat h.. hathi b sath chal diya. Aage sher whisky pene he wala tha, chuhe ne usse b woi kaha, sher ne glass side me rakh kr chuhe ko 5-6 thapad mare. Hathi Bola arre es bechare ko kyon mar rhe ho?? Sher bola,Is kamine ne pichli baar b afeem kha kr muje 3 ghante jungle me aise he ghumaya tha.
Click to expand...

damn - dats lame :moyo
 
How many short attention spanned people does it take to change a light bulb?

Generally just the one is sufficient providing there is at least one able minded individual with him to keep reminding him why he is there and to generally help keep him focussed during the course of the procedure.
 
mastermind_quad said:
Teacher to KG student - how many months in a year ??

Student - 12

Teacher - Good ..how did you know that .

Student - 12 Mahine mein 12 Tareeke se tujhko pyar karunga re ..Dinchika Dinchika....

:D
Click to expand...

hahaha, that's brilliant.
 
I think this thread is a fail.

The jokes are supposed to be lame which in turn would make them funny but most of the jokes posted are funny in nature which makes you feel lame after opening the thread.
 
Edit: double post.

here some from me:

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
Because it's pointless.

What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsssh

Why is the snowflake falling upwards?
Because it's handicapped

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
Bob

What's the difference between a rubber boot and a cat?
There is none: both are made of rubber, except the cat.

What were the last words of a venomous snake?
Damn! I bite myself.

In my family everyone is called Joseph!
Except Sam his name is George!
 
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JIN aadmi se:

"Kya hukm hai mere aaqaa?",

Admi:- mere liye "sheela" se shadi ka intzam kro,
,
Jin:- Aaqaa hukm kro, KAMINAPAN mat kro, bhabi hai tumhari.
 
Once three cheethis were sitting.
Just then a haathi passed by.
‘Oye haathi’, said a cheethi ‘Mujhse kushti ladega’
Other cheethis said’ chor yaar bechara akela hai!’
 
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

'I should be in charge,' said the brain,
'Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen.'

'I should be in charge,' said the blood ,
'because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away.'

'I should be in charge,' said the stomach ,
'because I process food and give all of you energy.'

'I should be in charge,' said the legs,
'because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.'

'I should be in charge,' said the eyes,
'Because I allow the body to see where it goes.'

'I should be in charge,' said the rectum,
'Because I'm responsible for waste removal.'

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic.

They all decided that the rectum should be the boss..







The Moral of the story?
The a$s hole is usually the one in charge!
 
W63L35 said:
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

'I should be in charge,' said the brain,
'Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen.'

'I should be in charge,' said the blood ,
'because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away.'

'I should be in charge,' said the stomach ,
'because I process food and give all of you energy.'

'I should be in charge,' said the legs,
'because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.'

'I should be in charge,' said the eyes,
'Because I allow the body to see where it goes.'

'I should be in charge,' said the rectum,
'Because I'm responsible for waste removal.'

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic.

They all decided that the rectum should be the boss..







The Moral of the story?
The a$s hole is usually the one in charge!
Click to expand...

haha...:))) ....Mast ....read it before in a mail.
 
Ek Aadmi doosray say "Kyon hans rahe ho"

Doosra " Hans nahin raha meri shakal he assy hay".
 
A man dies one day and goes to heaven. When he gets there he is met by an angel who takes him to hell, because he used to disrespect his mum and never repent.
 
It definitely does. That is the whole purpose of this thread NJ. Just have a butchers at Gujars latest entry. He worries me sometimes.
 
Little Jimmy went to school one morning, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

When he got to his history class, his teacher asked everyone to hand their homework in. Everyone handed theirs in, all except for Jimmy.

'Jimmy, where's your homework?' asked the teacher.

'Ermmm... My dog ate it,' replied Jimmy.

'Are you sure Jimmy? Did your dog really eat it?' queried the teacher further.

'Noooo! It never!' exclaimed Jimmy breaking down in tears. 'I was lying! I ate it! Ever since my dad lost his job he hasn't been able to provide for the family. I've been eating paper for the last two weeks and sharing it with my two younger sisters.'
 
Glad you like it G and thats actually a very good idea. I was thinking of having it tattooed on my tuckus but now you've got me thinking ...
 
Gujar said:
Little Jimmy went to school one morning, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

When he got to his history class, his teacher asked everyone to hand their homework in. Everyone handed theirs in, all except for Jimmy.

'Jimmy, where's your homework?' asked the teacher.

'Ermmm... My dog ate it,' replied Jimmy.

'Are you sure Jimmy? Did your dog really eat it?' queried the teacher further.

'Noooo! It never!' exclaimed Jimmy breaking down in tears. 'I was lying! I ate it! Ever since my dad lost his job he hasn't been able to provide for the family. I've been eating paper for the last two weeks and sharing it with my two younger sisters.'
Click to expand...


:)))
 
NJamal said:
Ek Aadmi doosray say "Kyon hans rahe ho"

Doosra " Hans nahin raha meri shakal he assy hay".
Click to expand...

Now, this is a real lame joke.

Should be stickied in the thread or something for everyone to see. Next time you post a joke which you think is lame, read this and think again - is it this lame?

Most people just post jokes here. Not that I mind them.
 
I went to the butcher's yesterday, and bet him fifty dollars that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'
 
Last edited:
I went to the butcher's yesterday and bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. I was arrested and given 50 lashes for gambling in an Islamic state.
 
I went to the butcher's yesterday and bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He accepted the bet and couldn't reach it and I got richer by $50.
 
I went to the butchers yesterday and bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He is currently in ICU fighting for his life due to severe head trauma brought about by him losing his balance and hitting his head on the granite counter top.
 
ace4rmspace said:
I went to the butchers yesterday and bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He is currently in ICU fighting for his life due to severe head trauma brought about by him losing his balance and hitting his head on the granite counter top.
Click to expand...

:))) :))) :)))

Basic Health & Safety in the workspace Ace.
 
Why did Michael Jackson cancel his concert?

Because he died

How lame lol
 
Knock knock

Whos there?

Knock knock

Whos there?

Knock knock

Whos there??!!

"it's knock door run you idiot!"
 
Okay, here is one of my favourites. This only works for the desi crowd though.


There were two boys who used were once kicked out of their physics class because they were talking in the class. After the humiliating exit from the class, they went to a dhaba and ate paw-bhaji there. The dhaba's name was jannat and every object there had jannat written on it. It was there on the spoons, the chairs, the plates, the floor - everywhere.

If the physics teacher was a male, what is his name?
















Answer: Ishq ki chaaon - Because Jinke sir hon ishq ke chaaon paw ke neeche jannat hogi
 
Without a doubt Doctor ... without a doubt.

I still stand by my statement though ... for other reasons. :moyo

:D
 
What would you do if somebody wakes you up for fajr by lifting your hand and sayin,

"station aa gaya hai!"
 
Bring my hand down with full force making sure the downward path intersects with his face at the point of maximum velocity and say

Shukriya!
 
Dr. Schaden Freud said:
Okay, here is one of my favourites. This only works for the desi crowd though.


There were two boys who used were once kicked out of their physics class because they were talking in the class. After the humiliating exit from the class, they went to a dhaba and ate paw-bhaji there. The dhaba's name was jannat and every object there had jannat written on it. It was there on the spoons, the chairs, the plates, the floor - everywhere.

If the physics teacher was a male, what is his name?






Answer: Ishq ki chaaon - Because Jinke sir hon ishq ke chaaon paw ke neeche jannat hogi
Click to expand...

hahaha :)) Nice one, love that song!
 
between teacher nd student askin question abt maths .
If u giv Rs. 100 to ur
frnd bt he needs only
Rs 50, So hw much wil he
return to u ?
Stdnt : Nothng
Teacher: U don’t no maths!!
Stdnt:Mam u dont
knw my frndz !
 
Two Tigers were resting under a tree
Suddenly A RABBIT
passed very fast
Tiger could not make out
&
....Asked
"What was that?"
2nd Tiger smiled & said,
"FAST FOOD"
 
5 pearls of wisdom to remember.

1. Money cannot buy happiness but somehow, it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than it is on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy but remember the *******’s name.

3. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk.
 
This 1 is age restricted so please take care!

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body.'

He struggles to ask again,'Nurse, are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her
embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around gently.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask,smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely.....

' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?'
 
Maajha : "Aisa kehraa tareeka kariyey je supp vi mar jaye te laathi vi na tuttey?"

Gaama : " Vattey maaro haraamzaadey noon!!!!"
 
Keith said:
This 1 is age restricted so please take care!

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body.'

He struggles to ask again,'Nurse, are my testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her
embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around and around gently.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask,smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely.....

' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?'
Click to expand...

Hey Keith ..after very long time ...glad to see you here ....Welcome ..:)
 
To be fair even if the gentleman had been querying the colour of his testicles, the procedure used by the nurse to verify said colour was highly dubious to say the least.
 
Santa: Yaar kal bibi ka birthday hai, koi aisi gift bata jo seedhe Dil mein utar jaye.
Banta: Goli maar de.
 
Teacher saw some students spitting out from the 3rd floor of the school .
Teacher to students don't do this "understanding" people may suffer
 
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