Do you support the desi joint family system?

[Slog]

I used to be in favor of it for many years and infact used to think that it is one of the benefits of our culture compared to the west as it provides a strong support system and whatnot.

But in recent times I have started to think whether it really is good living in the same house with your paternal uncles and cousins. As they say 'familiarity breeds contempt...'

 

[niishaa]

I used to be in favor of it for many years and infact used to think that it is one of the benefits of our culture compared to the west as it provides a strong support system and whatnot.

But in recent times I have started to think whether it really is good living in the same house with your paternal uncles and cousins. As they say 'familiarity breeds contempt...'

I have many friends who grew up in joint family and it worked well for them. It's difficult to make judgements. there are numerous examples of success of joint family.

 

[IslamabadUnited]

I don't support that system at all anymore. Believe me it causes a lot of fights among relatives. These days you can't trust anyone. It's usually your closest relatives that are your biggest enemies.

 

[JaDed]

Doesn't work ,lot of em have to be selfless and should be able to let go of ego.

 

[sensible-indian-fan]

Prefer families living separately but meeting up frequently.

Best of both worlds.

In today's world, we are conditioned to value privacy a lot. We think we can't live without it and it may possibly be true after our conditioning.

So in today's context, living separately from your extended family is essential.

When it comes to living separately from your parents after you get married, that's a whole different topic.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

Not in the west no. But in the subcontinent is there any alternative for the majority of people who I assume can't afford elderly care home costs?

 

[IslamabadUnited]

True

Doesn't work ,lot of em have to be selfless and should be able to let go of ego.

 

[Lurker_Ind]

Only in Indian movies can joint families live happily and sing everyday happily.

Reality is infighting. Fighting over responsibilities, expenditure, cleaning, cooking etc..

 

[dhump]

Prefer families living separately but meeting up frequently.

Best of both worlds.

In today's world, we are conditioned to value privacy a lot. We think we can't live without it and it may possibly be true after our conditioning.

So in today's context, living separately from your extended family is essential.

When it comes to living separately from your parents after you get married, that's a whole different topic.

This exactly is the most sane approach as long as your parents are healthy and live on their own it is absolutely perfect to live separately... I am only in favor of this system when someone is not healthy and need support.

 

[TM Riddle]

Tbh I can't imagine living my whole life away from my parents.After my dad retires I would make sure we all live together.Let's see

 

[DW44]

Nope. The internal politics of joint families are deeply toxic and inevitably lead to complications that can and do destroy relationships. In a society like Pakistan's, where mothers and wives actively compete for influence over their son/husband, it's best to keep them apart and while a lot of Pakistanis will lambaste me for saying this given how we put mothers on a pedestal, it's usually the older women who're at fault and it's best to keep them well enough away from their married sons' families.

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[sensible-indian-fan]

This exactly is the most sane approach as long as your parents are healthy and live on their own it is absolutely perfect to live separately... I am only in favor of this system when someone is not healthy and need support.

I was talking about extended family.

Own family (wife, parents) is another topic and depends on situation to situation.

 

[niishaa]

I am all for living and taking care of parents. My inlaws live with me and my dad lives few mins away

 

[carrom_ball]

Yes, support joint family system completely, it gives you emotional security, family is a great support system in this growing individualistic world , can't think of ever living away from my parents

 

[Lurker_Ind]

Yes, support joint family system completely, it gives you emotional security, family is a great support system in this growing individualistic world , can't think of ever living away from my parents

I would want to live with my parents too.

Not with Aunts, Uncles and other relatives.

 

[Hamza_]

Society and Economy are closely linked. Need to develop more economic opportunities and create independant system.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

I was talking about extended family.

Own family (wife, parents) is another topic and depends on situation to situation.

Ok, then ignore my reply as well. Definitely not. I like to see my brothers and sisters when they come round for seasonal holidays, but if it's longer than a week then I am usually ready to start dropping hints that they might want to get back home and deal with the mail backlog.

 

[Couch Cricketer]

Depends on the family and the family size. The larger the families the bigger the problems can become.
In my experience once your children start reaching teens it is better to start thinking about changing. As once they start understanding the family dynamics jelousies and resentments start creeping in. Living like that everyday and having those thought will destroy your family in the long run.
But moving out even if their might be jealousies and resentments they won't be on the top of the children's minds all the time.

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[cricketerB94]

No. From what i have seen, the brothers can live together even after marriage but their wives cannot live together and for that they sometimes create infighting and put the brothers in awful situations.

 

[IslamabadUnited]

Depends on the family and the family size. The larger the families the bigger the problems can become.
In my experience once your children start reaching teens it is better to start thinking about changing. As once they start understanding the family dynamics jelousies and resentments start creeping in. Living like that everyday and having those thought will destroy your family in the long run.
But moving out even if their might be jealousies and resentments they won't be on the top of the children's minds all the time.

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True!

 

[Dios]

I support families being close and coming together frequently. In the early part of my childhood I had that and all of my maternal aunts and uncles (the ones in the country) would come together to spend the weekend at my maternal grandparents' house but then we all moved away and I was deprived of meeting with my aunts and cousins during my teenage years. I didn't think much of it but last summer I reunited with a lot of the family on both sides and came to realise that I definitely missed out on having that support system. I definitely plan on moving closer to family in the future. So while I support families being closed and making the effort to stay close I don't think joint families are the best way to achieve that in the modern world due to the issues already outlined in this thread.

 

[UP]

No.

 

[Deosai]

No, not with siblings or uncles but wouldn't mind my parents living with me and would of course upsize the house.

 

[yasir]

Nope, this only works when women are oppressed... Without women oppression it's not possible to have joint family system...

Plus desi parents are also control freak, they try to Control kids and their family if they can, don't let them grow on their own, which again works when parents are dominating and kids are extra obedient (KKKG)...

Family system concept spawn from the feudal era, when more land means more power, in order to keep land people used to live longer together than they would have if economic benefits were not there...There is a reason 60% plus marriages in Pakistan are still first cusion marriages...

Also, keep in mind parents can only live with one child, not all of them...


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[LongHorn]

Joint families have benefits, but have a lot of emotional blackmail, ego issues, passive aggressive behavior hidden under the exterior. And not to mention some children are born with paternity issues.....

 

[Deosai]

Joint families have benefits, but have a lot of emotional blackmail, ego issues, passive aggressive behavior hidden under the exterior. And not to mention some children are born with paternity issues.....

lol you got some stories?

 

[LongHorn]

lol you got some stories?

Nothing within my immediate circle, but it is obvious that in a culture where honor is so important, and where until recently the concept of satisfaction was one-sided, there will be things going on when people live under one roof, with brother in laws and sister in laws around, and the honor part ensures such secrets will go to the grave.....

 

[Slog]

how prevalent is the joint family system among British Pakistanis?

I know in US its mostly according to education. The upper middle and rich usually move cities and are based in different cities for jobs so joint family is not even always possible whereas the working class are more likely to be in it.

 

[anakin]

Only in Indian movies can joint families live happily and sing everyday happily.

Reality is infighting. Fighting over responsibilities, expenditure, cleaning, cooking etc..

Isn't that all our TV shows?

 

[anakin]

Nope, this only works when women are oppressed... Without women oppression it's not possible to have joint family system...

Plus desi parents are also control freak, they try to Control kids and their family if they can, don't let them grow on their own, which again works when parents are dominating and kids are extra obedient (KKKG)...

Family system concept spawn from the feudal era, when more land means more power, in order to keep land people used to live longer together than they would have if economic benefits were not there...There is a reason 60% plus marriages in Pakistan are still first cusion marriages...

Also, keep in mind parents can only live with one child, not all of them...


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This.

Joint Family system for all its glory has been centered on subjugation of women rights.
In the world where we seek democratic rules and free speech.. Joint Family is a dictatorships in action in every household.

 

[Yossarian]

how prevalent is the joint family system among British Pakistanis?

I know in US its mostly according to education. The upper middle and rich usually move cities and are based in different cities for jobs so joint family is not even always possible whereas the working class are more likely to be in it.

But in recent times I have started to think whether it really is good living in the same house with your paternal uncles and cousins. As they say 'familiarity breeds contempt...'

You'll need a pretty big house in the UK to have your paternal uncles (and their wives) and cousins (plus presumably your own parents, brothers and sisters, and paternal grandparents considering that the paternal uncles and cousins are also living there) to all live together.

I once knew of such a family who bought a block of 5 x three-bedroom, one lounge, one dining room/kitchen, two bathroom (upstairs and downstairs), terraced houses and added internal doors to create one very large house - without the local council knowing anything about it - meaning without planning permission.

 

[street cricketer]

lol you got some stories?

Kinky Aryan

 

[Ind_Yeah]

I believe its a great thing and can work really well - but only if all members get enough space and resources to maintain a lifestyle they are comfortable with. If not, then the resulting friction would place undue stress on the family relationships and be counter-productive.

Also, goes without saying that all participants have to be self-motivated to want to stay together. Living under the same roof can be very enriching but it requires good amount of adjustment as well, and you have to value the benefits in order to make the adjustments willingly.

 

[dashing_man]

I used to be in favor of it for many years and infact used to think that it is one of the benefits of our culture compared to the west as it provides a strong support system and whatnot.

But in recent times I have started to think whether it really is good living in the same house with your paternal uncles and cousins. As they say 'familiarity breeds contempt...'

kis se pita hai :yshah1

 

[Stewie]

How does living in the same house with everyone else prove your love and dedication to the family?
I think this whole thing is bogus and obsolete.


I refute the idea. All members of the family should have independence and freedom of space.

 

[Black Zero]

I am against it cause it creates unnecessary issues...plus it wastes one's valuable time.

Though I am in favor of family living nearby...so everyone get togetherness minus the interference.

 

[yasir]

This.

Joint Family system for all its glory has been centered on subjugation of women rights.
In the world where we seek democratic rules and free speech.. Joint Family is a dictatorships in action in every household.

The other reason Joint family system was more popular in Agrarian Era, because people had not just common interest but also common work and hence building common culture made it more efficient... In that time all family members used to work together for 8/10 hours a day, kids could literally learn a lot more from parents...Plus they have lot more to talk and share about as well

Now if I am engineer and my father or mother has never studied Science, work related stuff is very hard to talk and share about, people have their own thread of life, means spectrum of life which you can share is less within family...Plus unless you are in same business, having shared home does not put you in any advantage, but not able to develop critical thing does

Political and social matters are also changing fast between generations, means more conflicts between generations... Its also not practical to keep suppressing women or younger generation, you are disarming them with vital skills, that will put them at disadvantage... Obedience was advantage in past because of solider mentality of work force(more time spend by body then mind, now its opposite)... Artist, thinkers, designers, engineers, Scientist need more independent and critical thinking brain to improve and survive... Its like modern cricket, big tummy puts you in disadvantage, diet is big part of it

 

[Deosai]

Familiarity breeds contempt.

 

[CricketCartoons]

How does living in the same house with everyone else prove your love and dedication to the family?
I think this whole thing is bogus and obsolete.


I refute the idea. All members of the family should have independence and freedom of space.

Living in a joint family means all the elder cousins will gang up and humiliate and discourage you at every step. Would give you nasty nicknames and make it popular among your friends, so that your confidence is shattered and you have a stunted growth, forever battling your inferiority complex which was a product of years of bullying in this pathetic family system.

 

[gani999]

I don't support the joint family system.

Parents, children and relatives should all live nearby, but never under the same roof.

 

[IslamabadUnited]

I don't support the joint family system.

Parents, children and relatives should all live nearby, but never under the same roof.

I agree with you. Especially, relatives should live thousands and thousands of miles away.

 

[gani999]

In fact, the joint family system isn't unique to desis.

It is common among Italians, Japanese and a few other societies too.

 

[anakin]

Living in a joint family means all the elder cousins will gang up and humiliate and discourage you at every step. Would give you nasty nicknames and make it popular among your friends, so that your confidence is shattered and you have a stunted growth, forever battling your inferiority complex which was a product of years of bullying in this pathetic family system.

That explains so much more!!

 

[Stewie]

Joint family system is like socialism. I abhor the idea!

 

[AlphaFighter]

I think there is no choice initially as young couples lack the means to live alone. Living in a joint family system entails massive savings i.e. no rent, no electricity, utilities, internet, grocery savings e.t.c. Given the entry level salaries today, it will be a real tough ask for couples to live together away from their parents.

 

[Stewie]

I think there is no choice initially as young couples lack the means to live alone. Living in a joint family system entails massive savings i.e. no rent, no electricity, utilities, internet, grocery savings e.t.c. Given the entry level salaries today, it will be a real tough ask for couples to live together away from their parents.

So you live off of your parents? Is that the idea?

Everybody's opinions are heavily influenced and shaped by their own lives, I guess. I have been living on my own since I was 18 so to me, it just makes much more sense to be independent.

 

[#GreenRoars]

100 percent i support joint family system. It has it's own charm, though now a days this trend is vanishing in Pakistan, India also.

 

[#GreenRoars]

Nope, this only works when women are oppressed... Without women oppression it's not possible to have joint family system...

Plus desi parents are also control freak, they try to Control kids and their family if they can, don't let them grow on their own, which again works when parents are dominating and kids are extra obedient (KKKG)...

Family system concept spawn from the feudal era, when more land means more power, in order to keep land people used to live longer together than they would have if economic benefits were not there...There is a reason 60% plus marriages in Pakistan are still first cusion marriages...

Also, keep in mind parents can only live with one child, not all of them...


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Hilarious...

 

[Slog]

One thing I would say and I'm not even sure if it's a positive or negative, but the joint family system wastes a lot of time with the nightly baithak and discussions etc.

 

[Suleiman]

Depends on how far you want to extend. Personally having your parents, brothers and sisters and their wives/kids along with your own in 1 house is fine.

But expanding it too far after that can get weird, depending on what kind of terms you are with your uncles, aunts etc. Like if your uncles and aunts are the Hum TV drama type saazishi type, then don't. But if it's closely knit, then go for it.

 

[sensible-indian-fan]

Define a joint family.

You, your parents, your grandparents? - Okayyyyy

Or you, your parents, your grandparents, your fathers's brothers and yet to be married sisters - Wowwwwww

Or you, your parents, your grandparents, your father's brothers and yet to be married sisters, your grandfather's brothers, his sons and yet to be married daughters and his grandkids - RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

 

[anakin]

Hilarious...

[MENTION=5869]yasir[/MENTION] has pointed out the fact of joint family system! Joint family system doesn't work if women are allowed equality to men. Joint family system is mostly patriarchal (a few matriarchal do exist in Kerala [MENTION=133135]kaayal[/MENTION] can explain those ), where the role of women is reduced to unpaid work at home. Men earn and women cook and clean.
Change in this dynamics has caused the fragmentation of Joint families, because women get to assert some rights now!

PS: and yes, Joint Family system takes care of the elderly far better but the cost is too high IMHO!

 

[Asim2Good]

support joint family as in brothers, sisters,parents, grand parents

don't think ever saw a BIG joint family living under one roof as shown in bollywood movies

 

[street cricketer]

Define a joint family.

You, your parents, your grandparents? - Okayyyyy

Or you, your parents, your grandparents, your fathers's brothers and yet to be married sisters - Wowwwwww

Or you, your parents, your grandparents, your father's brothers and yet to be married sisters, your grandfather's brothers, his sons and yet to be married daughters and his grandkids - RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

"Engal veetil ella naalum kaarthigai.. la la laa..."

 

[Zak_Fan]

Joint families are fine, but the moment you have 3 generations old enough to vote, things are bound to get sour. That is the time when greed and jealousy creep in.

 

[kaayal]

Each family should live in separate apartments in the same building.

 

[Dr_Bassim]

[MENTION=5869]yasir[/MENTION] has pointed out the fact of joint family system! Joint family system doesn't work if women are allowed equality to men. Joint family system is mostly patriarchal (a few matriarchal do exist in Kerala [MENTION=133135]kaayal[/MENTION] can explain those ), where the role of women is reduced to unpaid work at home. Men earn and women cook and clean.
Change in this dynamics has caused the fragmentation of Joint families, because women get to assert some rights now!

PS: and yes, Joint Family system takes care of the elderly far better but the cost is too high IMHO!

There is nothing wrong with a woman being at home and cooking and cleaning while the husband is earning, provided the decision is mutual.

Women should work if they want, but if they prefer to stay at home, that's not oppression, but an educated decision.

 

[kaayal]

There is nothing wrong with a woman being at home and cooking and cleaning while the husband is earning, provided the decision is mutual.

Women should work if they want, but if they prefer to stay at home, that's not oppression, but an educated decision.

Woman are conditioned to stay in their house and do their gharelu kaam. Even many educated ones are doing this without any strong reason for staying in the house like looking after the newly born kids etc.

 

[Dr_Bassim]

Woman are conditioned to stay in their house and do their gharelu kaam. Even many educated ones are doing this without any strong reason for staying in the house like looking after the newly born kids etc.

That's why I said, the decision should be left to women.

Don't you think that's an extremely liberal considering the world nowadays.

You cannot force a woman to live independently and then champion women's democracy.

If you say they are being conditioned that way, then clearly, we need to work on the conditioning aspect, but IF WOMEN PREFER to stay at home, then why should we make them roam the markets and streets of every nook and corner, just to show they are empowered?

Women can be empowered even inside their homes, if it comes to that.

 

[kaayal]

That's why I said, the decision should be left to women.

Don't you think that's an extremely liberal considering the world nowadays.

You cannot force a woman to live independently and then champion women's democracy.

If you say they are being conditioned that way, then clearly, we need to work on the conditioning aspect, but IF WOMEN PREFER to stay at home, then why should we make them roam the markets and streets of every nook and corner, just to show they are empowered?

Women can be empowered even inside their homes, if it comes to that.

You are saying like every woman gets this opportunity to live their life fully and decide what they want. Not everyone are rich or live in developed countries like you are. It's a fact that many of them in the rural parts of India and Pakistan are brutally oppressed.

 

[Slog]

That's why I said, the decision should be left to women.

Don't you think that's an extremely liberal considering the world nowadays.

You cannot force a woman to live independently and then champion women's democracy.

If you say they are being conditioned that way, then clearly, we need to work on the conditioning aspect, but IF WOMEN PREFER to stay at home, then why should we make them roam the markets and streets of every nook and corner, just to show they are empowered?

Women can be empowered even inside their homes, if it comes to that.

In this world, can men do the same if they wish so?

 

[anakin]

There is nothing wrong with a woman being at home and cooking and cleaning while the husband is earning, provided the decision is mutual.

Women should work if they want, but if they prefer to stay at home, that's not oppression, but an educated decision.

The assumption of free will is pretty naive for supposedly smart guys

 

[anakin]

That's why I said, the decision should be left to women.

Don't you think that's an extremely liberal considering the world nowadays.

You cannot force a woman to live independently and then champion women's democracy.

If you say they are being conditioned that way, then clearly, we need to work on the conditioning aspect, but IF WOMEN PREFER to stay at home, then why should we make them roam the markets and streets of every nook and corner, just to show they are empowered?

Women can be empowered even inside their homes, if it comes to that.

and that's why as I said The joint family system is disintegrating.
WHY?

Because it was based on denial of rights to women and expectation of obedience to the head patriarch of the family.

 

[Dr_Bassim]

In this world, can men do the same if they wish so?

Men are supposed to earn bread and butter for the family, so they have no cop out in this respect.

Women can help if they want, but they are not obligated to provide bread and butter for the family.

That's from Islamic point of view.

 

[Dr_Bassim]

You are saying like every woman gets this opportunity to live their life fully and decide what they want. Not everyone are rich or live in developed countries like you are. It's a fact that many of them in the rural parts of India and Pakistan are brutally oppressed.

That's due to mass perception and not because of joint family system.

Most men believe that women should stay at homes, irrespective of whether they live in a joint family system or independently.

 

[Dr_Bassim]

and that's why as I said The joint family system is disintegrating.
WHY?

Because it was based on denial of rights to women and expectation of obedience to the head patriarch of the family.

Joint family system might be just ONE example of such a case though.

It's not the cause and effect relationship.

A female in a joint family system could work to, if she wanted and I know many females who live with husband's parents and are yet still working.

So there are other aspects to consider , if denial of women rights are to be concerned.

And that is "men's approach towards women as demeaning creatures".

 

[anakin]

Joint family system might be just ONE example of such a case though.

It's not the cause and effect relationship.

A female in a joint family system could work to, if she wanted and I know many females who live with husband's parents and are yet still working.

So there are other aspects to consider , if denial of women rights are to be concerned.

And that is "men's approach towards women as demeaning creatures".

Joint Family system need that kind of mentality to survive. Wherever women have started to assert their rights, joint families have decreased.

PS: Having a job at the first generation is not enough sample to say, "Oh women can get jobs in a joint family. They have rights"

 

[#GreenRoars]

Men are supposed to earn bread and butter for the family, so they have no cop out in this respect.

Women can help if they want, but they are not obligated to provide bread and butter for the family.

That's from Islamic point of view.

You have explained a very complex thing in very simple manner, i hope people do understand it. Good Doci.

 

[anakin]

You have explained a very complex thing in very simple manner, i hope people do understand it. Good Doci.

Yup, no gender equality in religion!

 

[GoUgandaCranes]

Joint Family System is a beautiful romantic concept and notion.

It eliminates the needs of a lot of things that are prevalent in cultures that do not have joint family system namely

1. Day care for younger kids
2. Old homes for older parents

However - a system is only as good as the people who follow it. In a society where jealousy and materialism are goals; success of even family members can cause problems for those who remain less successful. Thus leading to issues that our society is suffering from.

Saying that it's a horrible idea that oppresses people and takes their individual freedom away isn't a very correct statement.

I miss it - I miss the benefits that it offered and although there have been horrible moments too involving jealous relatives and needless hatred related problems; I'd still say that those moments would have still happened as they were personality issues that would have surfaced later if not sooner.

 

[Mamoon]

Family values is what separates us from the Western society.

No point in taking pride in being a progressive society when your through your parents in Old Homes.

The sad bit is that these days, a lot of the expat Pakistanis living in the West don't think there is anything wrong with it either.

 

[yasir]

There is nothing wrong with a woman being at home and cooking and cleaning while the husband is earning, provided the decision is mutual.

Women should work if they want, but if they prefer to stay at home, that's not oppression, but an educated decision.

Society is designed to oppress women form thousands of years... They are not considered adults nor equal to men... Culturally they are kept less educated, encouraged not to learn or work... This is not matter of choice but forced upon them...you can't be that naive [emoji849][emoji849][emoji849]

Once you reach certain critical mass or see women making Choices that is a different thing, right now it's about what men wants them to do... They use tools like tradition and religion both made by men to further oppress them, like many slaves in past, they don't retaliate either ...As I said many times it's going to take 2/3 generation while we are exposed to the global community for things to change culturally, right now we are more close to Iron Age then silicon age [emoji57][emoji57][emoji57]

A society cannot achieve prosperity without women empowerment, for that they have to get educated and equal rights first [emoji40][emoji40][emoji40]

 

[anakin]

Family values is what separates us from the Western society.

No point in taking pride in being a progressive society when your through your parents in Old Homes.

The sad bit is that these days, a lot of the expat Pakistanis living in the West don't think there is anything wrong with it either.

I think it would be wrong to equate Family values to a joint family system.
Our family values don't get lost if we are not in a joint family.

 

[CricketCartoons]

I think it would be wrong to equate Family values to a joint family system.
Our family values don't get lost if we are not in a joint family.

If not a joint family, at the very least you need siblings so that you know what sharing is, learn to adjust and accommodate, learn to tolerate, resolve jealousy and conflict. Important values no single spoilt brats mollycoddled by their parents will ever get.

 

[yasir]

Family values is what separates us from the Western society.

No point in taking pride in being a progressive society when your through your parents in Old Homes.

The sad bit is that these days, a lot of the expat Pakistanis living in the West don't think there is anything wrong with it either.

This is exaggeration that western societies don't care about their older generation...Key difference is that here parents want to live independently as long as they can, what they end up doing is living close to one of their kids...Many times kids go out of their way to support their parents, pay for their living(when they don't have means) and keep their independent living...When they cannot living independently, they move with kids, unless they have acute health condition.

Acute Health Conditions

One thing which we have not seen in past centuries in our or western culture is that people artificially kept alive through medicines and treatments... Many of the old people could have being long dead but kept alive, this is where the old homes and nursing homes come in to play mostly in USA or west in general...They only go to old care when you are almost dead but not clinically dead, that requires almost 24 hour monitoring, kids have job and they cannot monitor 24X7, servants are not affordable by most people...If they can afford, people do have inhome nurses(which is very expensive, only really rich people afford)

In Pakistan frankly only upper middle class afford to have parents with acute health conditions, most of them buy nurses or in-home labor, which is very cheap in Pakistan (thanks to exploitation of poor)...

Acute health issues is something societies world over have not addressed properly, its more like kicking cannon down the road... There is no good solution to this problem, if more and more people start living long in acute health state, this problem will pop up and something has to be done about it... Critical mass is not there yet.


Older Desi parents in US

Reality is that lot of older generation Desies comes from east to west and live the last part of their life in US/West... I see in every home(including my own) parents living, many times interestingly wife's parent, which is not possible mostly in Pakistan...Here they come and get citizenship through their daughters, out of all people...If they have sons in Pakistan and daughter in US, they would prefer to live with their daughter and not son, In Pakistan parents only live with their daughters if son rejects them for some reason...This has lot to do with women empowerment and how society treats both men and women equally

They still detest west very much but go out of the way(and lie, while pray 6 times a day, declare themselves very poor, which most of them are not) to get social security(while they have lot of properties in Pakistan)... Atleast they would not deny that social and health care far better her then in Pakistan...Whenever they get hospitalize the care they get from nurses here is not imaginable in Pakistan...Also, Obama care has given them new life, now more old parents are coming to USA, because one of the big problem of healthcare is solved...

I am an Atheist and my in laws(who live with us for 8/10 years) are very religious(many of their extended family are in peer business, some of them got US citizenship being religious or spiritual leader ), yet some how we still mange to live in the same house...

 

[TalentSpotterPk]

[MENTION=5869]yasir[/MENTION] bhai

Aapko mushkil nai horai being Aethist ?

Aapki family life, married life affect nai horai ?

Aap k parents aor aap ki wife k parents kya kehtay haen jo aap k saath rehtay ?

Aor aap k growing kids ko confusion nai hai ?

Aap k liye mushkilaat nai ? Identity crisis nai hai ? Aap k rishtaydaaroun ka rawaeeya kya hai ?

 

[Stewie]

[MENTION=5869]yasir[/MENTION] bhai

Aapko mushkil nai horai being Aethist ?

Aapki family life, married life affect nai horai ?

Aap k parents aor aap ki wife k parents kya kehtay haen jo aap k saath rehtay ?

Aor aap k growing kids ko confusion nai hai ?

Aap k liye mushkilaat nai ? Identity crisis nai hai ? Aap k rishtaydaaroun ka rawaeeya kya hai ?

I can only imagine the existential crisis the kids must have with a dad who is an atheist and grandparents who are devout believers. But I guess that can happen in any household with a religious parent and a non religious second parent.

 

[Mamoon]

I think it would be wrong to equate Family values to a joint family system.
Our family values don't get lost if we are not in a joint family.

I didn't equate, I was making a general comment.

Speaking of joint family systems, there are both pros and cons.

If you have a family business in which all of your uncles and cousins are involved, then it works well. However, if you have different jobs and priorities, it has the potential to become dysfunctional.

 

[Mamoon]

[MENTION=5869]yasir[/MENTION]

Thanks for the informative post, but I did not say that no one in the West does not care about their parents. However, when you look at the percentage of people in the Subcontinent countries who have ditched their parents compared to Westerners, the results speak for themselves.

The fact that you can hardly find Old Homes in the Subcontinent says it all. Unfortunately, plenty of desi expats are adopting the Western mentality as well, and are seemingly more capable of ditching their parents and elders in their old age compared to desis living at home.

 

[endymion248]

Family values is what separates us from the Western society.

No point in taking pride in being a progressive society when your through your parents in Old Homes.

The sad bit is that these days, a lot of the expat Pakistanis living in the West don't think there is anything wrong with it either.

Are you kidding. I am looking forward to the old people's home. Having LAN parties, playing cards all day, flirting with all the cuties. What's sad about it?