How Forgiving Are You?

[Jadz]

Forgiveness is a beautiful virtue, a mark of a generous and forbearing heart. Yet many people are very unwilling to forgive real, imagined or perceived mistakes or errors, whilst forgetting their own 'sins.'

Forgiveness plays a key role in Religion, with The All-Forgiving One being one of the Beautiful Attributes of God. Yet, in my experience, the most unforgiving people I have encountered are 'religious.' It would seem that ritual worship is disconnected from its innermost purpose, which is to attain the virtues of forgiveness, tolerance, compassion, generosity, humility and so on.

Do people ever really forgive those who may have hurt them, do they even want to? And, as its counterweight, do people ever seek to be forgiven, or do they simply not regard this as important?

 

[Kianig89]

Being kind is a good thing but don't want to enter this self proclaimed myself appraisal

 

[shaz619]

Some things you just can't forgive, it's easier to say you can when one is not on the recieving end.

 

[kaayal]

Depends on the gravity of issues i guess. For example Rapists, rippers,mob killing, pedophiliacs etc. I don't think i will ever forgive them...

Regarding family or friends issues, i am always in the forgiving end but it will take some time for everything to come back to normal.

 

[kaayal]

I guess my imaan is weak for not having such a big heart..

 

[Jadz]

Some things you just can't forgive, it's easier to say you can when one is not on the recieving end.

What things can you not forgive?

 

[Jadz]

Depends on the gravity of issues i guess. For example Rapists, rippers,mob killing, pedophiliacs etc. I don't think i will ever forgive them...

Regarding family or friends issues, i am always in the forgiving end but it will take some time for everything to come back to normal.

I was not referring to criminals or terrorists. They are dealt with by society and its justice systems. If there is a process of rehabilitation, then those who have the ability - or desire - to make amends, will no doubt do so.

My post is more general in nature, as I have observed people are very unwilling to forgive or forget. They will taunt, throw the past back at those who may have made mistakes, and just be unkind or cruel.

 

[Jadz]

I guess my imaan is weak for not having such a big heart..

I don't think your Imaan is weak at all. You ought not to judge yourself so harshly. It is not easy to forgive people, especially those who have caused serious harm or hurt.

 

[Black Zero]

I am extremely forgiving to one individual.

 

[kaayal]

I don't think your Imaan is weak at all. You ought not to judge yourself so harshly. It is not easy to forgive people, especially those who have caused serious harm or hurt.

Thanks for those kind words but my anger is something i should have a control on. In sha Allah, that also will be controlled one day.

 

[kaayal]

I was not referring to criminals or terrorists. They are dealt with by society and its justice systems. If there is a process of rehabilitation, then those who have the ability - or desire - to make amends, will no doubt do so.

My post is more general in nature, as I have observed people are very unwilling to forgive or forget. They will taunt, throw the past back at those who may have made mistakes, and just be unkind or cruel.

True. Some people's ego is too much to handle.

 

[kaayal]

I am extremely forgiving to one individual.

Your kid?

 

[Jadz]

Thanks for those kind words but my anger is something i should have a control on. In sha Allah, that also will be controlled one day.

Anger is related to impatience, the more patient you are, the more you will be able to restrain your anger.

 

[ExplicitAI]

It really depends, I want to be forgiving as how Islam wants me to be but there are certain toxic people you meet in life that will still bite you twice even if you forgive them. That is why I tend to just avoid them altogether, best thing you could do is just pray for them really.

 

[DRsohail]

when itcome to family matters,friendship.my preofessional life.i really forgive and want to be forgiven but some issues where u cant forgive like someone mentioned killing etc..over all all my friends say that i have a fearful heart and forgiving.....like i had some bad words 2 days ago with one of my patient.s attendant and after 4 minutes i apologized and he accepted by giving me abi zam zam...

 

[big_gamer007]

I'm not forgiving So I try to forget things which upset me and over a period of time they go in background and I continue with life however the person who committed those things I dislike.. Sometimes I feel like I should not bad mouth those people and forgive them but then other days if I think of those things again then I feel bad things should happen to them or I abuse those people in my mind..

 

[shaz619]

What things can you not forgive?

Those who harm others severely and never change their ways.

 

[James]

Way too much.

 

[Abdul]

I'm not.

 

[Black Zero]

Your kid?

correct answer: myself

 

[KingKhanWC]

Justice > Forgiveness

 

[CricketCartoons]

I try to have my revenge. If not, then I wish the worst upon them. People have told me that those people I hate end up having great misfortune befell them.

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

It's easy to forgive someone who who loses their temper and then apologises, it's the more calculated ones you have to watch for. I don't forgive, I just cut them off.

 

[Jadz]

Justice > Forgiveness

Can you not have forgiveness without justice?

 

[Hitman]

You hurt me or misbehave with me, I'll never forgive you as long as I'm alive. Doesn't matter how close we were before.

 

[Jadz]

I try to have my revenge. If not, then I wish the worst upon them. People have told me that those people I hate end up having great misfortune befell them.

Don't know why, but your post made me laugh.

I am not vengeful in the least, but when enraged, I vent during prayers and ask God to take revenge on my behalf! One of His Attributes is 'Al-Muntaqeem' - The Avenger of Evil - so God does avenge the evils perpetrated by evldoers, but in His own time.

 

[Jadz]

It's easy to forgive someone who who loses their temper and then apologises, it's the more calculated ones you have to watch for. I don't forgive, I just cut them off.

That is exactly what I do, but only after a very long time. I give people lots of opportunities to make amends, to change, to realise their mistakes or persistent inconsiderate acts. But if they do not change, then I dump them, regardless of whether they were close friends or family members.

 

[Jadz]

You hurt me or misbehave with me, I'll never forgive you as long as I'm alive. Doesn't matter how close we were before.

This is my attitude towards my parents, anyone who ever hurt my Father (who was a remarkable man, extremely loving, humble and compassionate), I do not forget or forgive.

Being the carer of Mum, anyone who hurts her I will not forgive. Ever.

 

[KingKhanWC]

Can you not have forgiveness without justice?

A common theme in western society is people suggesting 'karma'. Most people who have been wronged and who use this term do so wanting the perpetrator to feel the pain they felt. If someone has hurt you when you have only been good them, it's very difficult to just forgive especially if the person is not remorseful for their actions towards you. You might claim to forgive them but is it true forgiveness if you will not trust the person again?

I know you have clarified this wasn't aimed at crimes in society but the same principle applies, people are punished for their actions. If they are remorseful , their punishment is reduced. But even after they have completed their sentence they are never truly forgiven.

Btw I have been harsh in response to some of your posts in the past but it wasn't anything personal, I just dont agree with some of views on Islam. I apologise as you have always been respectufl in return.

 

[LastManstanding]

A wise man once said "People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right."

 

[Nikhil_cric]

A wise man once said "People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right."

Albus Dumbledore?

On topic though, i was someone who never would forgive anyone for even the lightest of insults but when you hold on to such things, they kill you from inside. So i've started forgiving a lot more - ex girlfriends, ex-friends, family etc. and i find that i'm much better off for it. Great thread [MENTION=30006]Jadz[/MENTION].

 

[Robert]

I try to be totally forgiving [MENTION=30006]Jadz[/MENTION]. People who have wronged me have done so only because they were frightened. Forgiveness is key to inner peace and happiness.

 

[Jadz]

A common theme in western society is people suggesting 'karma'. Most people who have been wronged and who use this term do so wanting the perpetrator to feel the pain they felt. If someone has hurt you when you have only been good them, it's very difficult to just forgive especially if the person is not remorseful for their actions towards you. You might claim to forgive them but is it true forgiveness if you will not trust the person again?

I know you have clarified this wasn't aimed at crimes in society but the same principle applies, people are punished for their actions. If they are remorseful , their punishment is reduced. But even after they have completed their sentence they are never truly forgiven.

Btw I have been harsh in response to some of your posts in the past but it wasn't anything personal, I just dont agree with some of views on Islam. I apologise as you have always been respectufl in return.

You embarrass me with your apology - there is absolutely no need for it. You are my brother in Islam, and that is good enough for me. Where would we be without disagreements and differences? Human beings would be like sheep, just following the crowd.


Your stress upon remorse is interesting, because that puts the onus on the individual who may have caused hurt or harm. But, surely forgiveness is separate, and independent, from the remorse, or lack thereof, of the person who inflicted the pain?

I am trying to get deep inside my own heart, and be totally honest about whether forgiveness comes easy to me or not. In truth, tolerance enables one to look past the bad deeds of others and just carry on as if nothing happened. This is my practice, but as mentioned earlier, I do eventually dump those who persist in behaving inconsiderately, unkindly or arrogantly - even if it takes years and years.

 

[KingKhanWC]

I try to be totally forgiving [MENTION=30006]Jadz[/MENTION]. People who have wronged me have done so only because they were frightened. Forgiveness is key to inner peace and happiness.

Interesting. Can you expand on this Robert? Are you saying people who wrong you or others are dealing with some inner fear or is this something specific you are reffering to?

 

[Jadz]

Albus Dumbledore?

On topic though, i was someone who never would forgive anyone for even the lightest of insults but when you hold on to such things, they kill you from inside. So i've started forgiving a lot more - ex girlfriends, ex-friends, family etc. and i find that i'm much better off for it. Great thread [MENTION=30006]Jadz[/MENTION].

Forgiveness, like everything else, might just be a process of learning, of humbling oneself.

Btw, thank you.

 

[Jadz]

I try to be totally forgiving [MENTION=30006]Jadz[/MENTION]. People who have wronged me have done so only because they were frightened. Forgiveness is key to inner peace and happiness.

I can easily believe that you are forgiving [MENTION=7774]Robert[/MENTION], because it is easy to see that you are a good man.

What I am struggling to understand is how a wronged person could be 'frightened' into hurting you, or anyone else.

 

[Hitman]

This is my attitude towards my parents, anyone who ever hurt my Father (who was a remarkable man, extremely loving, humble and compassionate), I do not forget or forgive.

Being the carer of Mum, anyone who hurts her I will not forgive. Ever.

Sorry to know your father is no more.

 

[KingKhanWC]

You embarrass me with your apology - there is absolutely no need for it. You are my brother in Islam, and that is good enough for me. Where would we be without disagreements and differences? Human beings would be like sheep, just following the crowd.


Your stress upon remorse is interesting, because that puts the onus on the individual who may have caused hurt or harm. But, surely forgiveness is separate, and independent, from the remorse, or lack thereof, of the person who inflicted the pain?

I am trying to get deep inside my own heart, and be totally honest about whether forgiveness comes easy to me or not. In truth, tolerance enables one to look past the bad deeds of others and just carry on as if nothing happened. This is my practice, but as mentioned earlier, I do eventually dump those who persist in behaving inconsiderately, unkindly or arrogantly - even if it takes years and years.

I think it was important to do so but thanks.

The Quran and stories of the Prophet(pbuh) have helped inspire me to be more forgiving. I agree it is seperate but I feel it becomes easier to forgive if the person is remorseful and apologetic, from my perspective anyway.

 

[Jadz]

Sorry to know your father is no more.

That is very kind of you, thanks so much.

He died in 1992, but the grief and sorrow remain, only their intensity diminish with time.

 

[Jadz]

I think it was important to do so but thanks.

The Quran and stories of the Prophet(pbuh) have helped inspire me to be more forgiving. I agree it is seperate but I feel it becomes easier to forgive if the person is remorseful and apologetic, from my perspective anyway.

You are welcome.

What about forgiving oneself? If we cannot forgive our own selves, for mistakes, sins or errors of the past, or for hurting people, even though it may have been unintentional, does that not make it harder to forgive others? This is what I have discovered, at a personal level.

 

[KingKhanWC]

You are welcome.

What about forgiving oneself? If we cannot forgive our own selves, for mistakes, sins or errors of the past, or for hurting people, even though it may have been unintentional, does that not make it harder to forgive others? This is what I have discovered, at a personal level.

Hmm , interesting. I've never thought about forgiving myself because I've never felt any guilt towards myself. I've done wrong like everyone else and I look for God to forgive me. It doesn't make much sense for me to try to forgive myself.

 

[msb314]

I am generally on the forgiving side although some REALLY do test my patience at times.

 

[msb314]

It's easy to forgive someone who who loses their temper and then apologises, it's the more calculated ones you have to watch for. I don't forgive, I just cut them off.

Good post.

Now that I think about it - you are right.

Some people just have a bad temper and are likely to get angry with anyone - that is just how they are and it is their nature so you just have to deal with that. Like you said - the other type who play the long game and strike when the opportunity arises are the hardest to deal with.

 

[Robert]

I can easily believe that you are forgiving [MENTION=7774]Robert[/MENTION], because it is easy to see that you are a good man.

What I am struggling to understand is how a wronged person could be 'frightened' into hurting you, or anyone else.

Typically because they feel something is being taken away from them, which makes them scared and that can turn to anger.

 

[Chrish]

We usually don't forgive if we can extract full revenge.. Forgiveness comes into play when not much else can be done about the situation.

 

[Hitman]

That is very kind of you, thanks so much.

He died in 1992, but the grief and sorrow remain, only their intensity diminish with time.

I can understand. I can't even imagine losing my parents, it would be a life worse than death for me. How old were you when he passed away?

 

[hadi123]

Quite forgiving. I have had many arguments but I don't like holding grudges.

 

[Black Zero]

Quite forgiving. I have had many arguments but I don't like holding grudges.

Why have you set the bar too high?
why?

 

[hadi123]

Why have you set the bar too high?
why?

I would always forgive anyone who has hurt me or done something major if they explained it.

 

[SarfiBabarHaris]

zaroorat sai zada..
I always apologize even if its not my fault so that there are no ill feelings.

 

[majiz]

Not great
Hold silly grudges unfortunately. It’s a good thing to snap out of

 

[Jadz]

I can understand. I can't even imagine losing my parents, it would be a life worse than death for me. How old were you when he passed away?

A lady never reveals her age - under any circumstances!

No, my Father's death did not mean a 'life worse than death', it just meant a re-forming of life, a re-thinking of life, a re-affirmation of life; it meant being grateful to God for my Father, my Mother and for all the blessings He has bestowed upon me and all of humankind. In other words, it meant being appreciative of every moment of life.

 

[Jadz]

zaroorat sai zada..
I always apologize even if its not my fault so that there are no ill feelings.

I used to do this, sometimes still do. But we have to be careful, because people take advantage, some love to humiliate us, even if it be in subtle ways. If we appear too weak, soft or compromising, people lose respect. So, at the right time, with those who deserve it, then making endless apologies is fine, otherwise, we must be watchful.

 

[SarfiBabarHaris]

I used to do this, sometimes still do. But we have to be careful, because people take advantage, some love to humiliate us, even if it be in subtle ways.

You are right and this happens. I tried but I can't change my nature. I have given up.

 

[Hitman]

A lady never reveals her age - under any circumstances!

No, my Father's death did not mean a 'life worse than death', it just meant a re-forming of life, a re-thinking of life, a re-affirmation of life; it meant being grateful to God for my Father, my Mother and for all the blessings He has bestowed upon me and all of humankind. In other words, it meant being appreciative of every moment of life.

I apologize. I never knew you are a lady.

 

[Mamoon]

I forgive easily and try to not take offense.

 

[Jadz]

I apologize. I never knew you are a lady.

No need to apologize at all - I was not in the least offended by your question.