Savak - I saw your thread a few months ago regarding this topic, and i thought you were just trolling. However i then saw the same thread on a couple of other Pakistani forums, so i thought he must be serious, surely no one would troll to this degree. Now i see you asking again on the same topic on multiple forums, so I thought maybe i could provide some advice since you seem to be confused. I am posting first time ever on a online forum just for you bro, so here it goes:
First you need to decide if you want to marry the Traditional way, or do you want to go the Westernized route. If you look hard enough you will see there are happy marriages, ok marriages, and bad marriages either way.
If you want to talk to a girl a few times, and then get your parents involved that's a Traditional marriage, with the only difference being you introducing the girl instead of your parents introducing you.
In a Traditional Pakistani marriage both guys and girls look at two primary things , Money and Looks. Everything else is secondary. A weakness in one area can be overcome with a strength in the other.
From your posts you want the following attributes in a ideal spouse: should be hot, significantly younger than you, should be from same socio economic status as your family, should be highly educated, should have the potential to earn alot of money (seems you want a doctor, they earn way more than a accountant), be a homemaker (im guessing you want her to cook, clean).
You shouldn't sell yourself short but at the same time you need to be realistic of what you can possibly obtain. And what you are asking for is unrealistic.
More realistic options would be the following:
Option 1 : marry someone around your age +/- 5 years, who is highly educated with a good salary. You said you had some interest among late 20's , and early 30's females. so you can go that route. If the girl is earning the same or more money than you she will probably want 50/50 on chores.
Option 2: Marry a less educated women who is younger than you. you said you had interest from a couple of girls with a bcom degree. Yes money will be a factor in them marrying you, but that doesn't mean that those marriages wont work. They could be a housewife and cook and clean , and look after kids. Plus its possible for them do some part time work.
Option3 : Move back to Pakistan. Your family is from the upper middle class if i remember correctly. There are alot of Middle Class girls who have went to good private schools, who are 10 -15 years younger than you, who wouldn't mind marrying an older guy if you could provide them with a Begum Sahiba lifestyle. Maids, Cook, driver, etc. They would get a life of leisure, basically a trophy wife. Again those marriages while initially motivated on money on the girls part, and looks on the guy's part, can still be successful.
Anyway I hope that was helpful, and best of luck to you.
P.S - From your other thread to answer your question, do you need to have the girl on your side for an arranged marriage before you send a rishta. The answer is no. Once the rishta is sent then the girls family will first decide if its suitable, and then they will ask the girl if she wants to consider the rishta. If she does, then usually the guy and girl speak a few times to see if they are compatible.
Hey Ghareeb Admi. This is a wonderful response from you. I am definitely not trolling, I like to ask the same question on multiple forums as I believe when you get a thousand opinions you will get 30 good opinions. Also in a weird way I get a kick out of criticism from certain people at times.
The hardest part about going through this process is the fact that your parents, elders and some parties who have a vested interest in getting their daughters who are between 28-32 plus married off to you is that they completely forget or remove from the equation that I the guy involved am also a human being. To them marriage is just a completely practical decision devoid of any feelings, emotions.
As far as age is concerned, the 2-3 girls I have liked in my life have been 5 years, 7 years and 9 years younger than me. And none of them were from the Urdu medium, Inter, Metric background, all these girls had come from educated families, upper middle class families and had gone through the O/A level system and eventually went to the top schools in Pakistan for their various fields. But I am not hell bent on age alone and looks alone are not the deciding factor as to me someone good looking but not having a good education will be a hard sell for me to my parents.
As far as Option 1 is concerned, sure why not. Just day before yesterday I was speaking to a girl from Lahore working in the US as a graphic designer, her pics were absolutely gorgeous and we chatted for 3 hours. But I was put off by her because she kept referencing her 8 year relationship with her ex boyfriend which failed. But my parents are off this opinion given my relaxed, laid back personality, a headstrong woman could potentially treat me as a door mat and we have heard plenty of anecdotes where two well settled people who married late in life couldn't make it work because they were just to well set in their careers, life style, circle of friends. If I do find someone I get along with sure, this can be considered but right now my folks will prefer to avoid this
Option 2 is debatable, my mother specifically mentioned to me that you don't want a wife who is strictly a bcom, inter, metric student. Maybe she feels it is not a good idea because in today's time both husband and wife need to work. Maybe if she finds out about a really lovely girl who comes through a very powerful reference or recommendation, she may discuss with me.
Option 3, lol I think this requires the guy to be very well settled. This doesn't appear to be likely given that there are no immediate plans to move back to Pakistan. This is another part of the problem where my future in the next 3-5 years is up in the air, will I continue to live in Canada? Will I continue to live in the US? Or will I move back to Pakistan? Because if I choose a Pak or Indian origin girl from Canada or the US, then the decision to move back to Pakistan becomes difficult. Also the decision to move back is a possibility because my mother is not well at the moment and I personally doubt she would want to live in the West going forward, at the moment my dad is like he will take care of her in the long run and told us i.e. the kids he does not want us to worry about it, but I cannot let him do it alone and I have realized anything can happen at any time in life.
For ten long years I had intense feelings for a girl, In the beginning of 2016 I decided I would take a leap of faith with her, she and her family knew my family so we were not strangers, I tried everything to make it happen from pressing my own family to trying to speak to her, I did as much research on her as I could and tried to apply the knowledge, information I knew but nothing worked. I am now at a point where I wish she could just give me an opportunity to tell her and I can get the No from her in writing and close the chapter for good. A complete waste of time, energy it all turned out to be in the end and these are times when I wish the almighty could just tell us where to expend your time, energy wisely.
