Poetry (thread for creative people)

[Kiri]

It's really good Do you have some past experiences or something which inspired this poem?


BTW: My piece was about those of us who are really good people but don't socialize that much .. sort of like that

What inspired me was a couple of Eminem songs and movies such as The Inside Man and the The Phone Booth

 

[Saqs]

I wrote a poem about the Prophet Mohammad almost a decade ago. It ended like this. It is named As the Tide Turned.


'Would that I had seen you conquer Makkah when you returned home,
You'd overthrown cursed thrones
without a curse thrown

And as the tribes learned ,
That pride burns
The scribes yearned
To be history's witnesses
As the tide turned '

I have performed the entire poem as spoken word at a function that was raising awareness on who the Prophet truly was after that video was released on YouTube. Might upload it one day.

 

[96NotOut]

[MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION] [MENTION=135402]cricket083[/MENTION] [MENTION=134963]96NotOut[/MENTION] [MENTION=74419]Badsha[/MENTION] [MENTION=135578]Pakistani_Legend[/MENTION]

Hey bros, could you guys please give me any feedback or critique on my piece. I'm really enthusiastic about writing and looking to develop over the coming months.

Thanks.

I, for one, really liked it, it's sort of different.

That's a good one Kiri, keep going.

 

[blinding light]

I wrote this piece exactly six months ago, but due to some (personal) reasons I couldn´t get my myself to post it here. Now that it´s six months to the day this was dedicated to, I think this is another opportunity for me to post it here. Don´t remember her name, but it has been read and appreciated by a journalist in Australia. Personally, I rate this amongst my works most dear to me for the way it expresses my joy and celebration.

Bouckground (9th January 2014.... ) :

"Dear Rawal,

Many thanks for your support and well wishes. It's truly appreciated!

All the very best, it sounds like you have a great strength of character and strong will to keep making the most of life and all it's situations.

Take care,

Ellyse Perry."

And then......

A messianic message

"Words so comforting, words so brief,
To be celebrated even in grief,
Messianic message; every wound it healed,
Words of strength, for ages they will shield,
To her indeed was everything revealed,
From the beloved can nothing be concealed.

A physical being confined, a soul that flies,
Going through the lows and highs,
On words of love alone it relies.

O` Rawal, get a hold of yourself,
Believe your eyes, Ellyse wrote it herself!
Earth danced, in joy did heavens shed tears,
Challenges await me..... Who cares?
Let me live the day that should last for years!"

Completed at 12:07 PM CET, 16th January 2014.

Nicely done.. But I'm not too sold on to the idea of equating Ellyse Perry's words with Messianic words, per say..

On that part, I'd use the bolded line too..

 

[cricket083]

[MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION] [MENTION=135402]cricket083[/MENTION] [MENTION=134963]96NotOut[/MENTION] [MENTION=74419]Badsha[/MENTION] [MENTION=135578]Pakistani_Legend[/MENTION]

Hey bros, could you guys please give me any feedback or critique on my piece. I'm really enthusiastic about writing and looking to develop over the coming months.

Thanks.

That's amazing bro,very different

 

[DHONI183]

[MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION] [MENTION=135402]cricket083[/MENTION] [MENTION=134963]96NotOut[/MENTION] [MENTION=74419]Badsha[/MENTION] [MENTION=135578]Pakistani_Legend[/MENTION]

Hey bros, could you guys please give me any feedback or critique on my piece. I'm really enthusiastic about writing and looking to develop over the coming months.

Thanks.

Be rest assured that I deliberately scrolled down your post, and that because you are a Sri Lankan and your team beat MS Dhoni recently in a final! However, I will be nice for change and read your work.

Bad Guy

Background:
I'm the kind of person to tell it how it is. Please perceive this with your mind, not just your eyes.


'Alpha Charlie we have one suspect reportedly robbing a bank'
Cop cars crawl towards the scene
Sirens ringing through the landscape
Here I am.. I am a mission. I am a missionary. I am a movie
Plotting the great escape.

Helicopters buzzing through air
Hoping foxtrot gets an aerial shot of my next burial plot
'Bravo team, we have spotted one individual running towards the car park'
Cornered and trapped for seven days and seven nights.

Loud as buzz of the siren. A man yells 'You can't run forever...
Screw him. Screw this system. Screw your endeavour.
'You can't run from us, it's over'
Fixed on the rotating blades below New York's skyline
I glance, contemplating my next move.
Close my eyes. Boom. Erupting into a supernova.
Radioactive, Radioactive, oh oh oh oh oh.
NO, NO, NO, that's not it.

Oh wait wait, I have better
Clutched and cocked the gun to head
Panting, 'Tango, he has a gun he has a gun...!'
I close my eyes and envision the story before

Cry of a child resting on the breast of his wife
The agony of anguish and futile
Conformed to crime
Torn to the hands of time
I bid you farewell with this rhyme.

Man! This seems like a whole film. Tragic endings in general fascinate me to no end. How did you end up coming up with this story and scenarios if I may know?

Next up, write a script, I will produce the film. Promise! But,... it should have a tragic ending again though.

 

[DHONI183]

That's interesting,but another sad story,I was laughing at the dates you'v mentioned there,sorry

Trust me, if you had known the whole story, it would have made you a lit of sadder than that. As for the dates, we mad Romeos are like that you see.

I will only accept my mistake if you grab me by the ear as well

Not now, given that your English was fine. Next time I will, be careful I say!

Amazing How long does it take you to write these? And "It was a secret not known to many on PakPassion,
Except a thread where I made confession,
A devilish temptation of a thread!
To many memories which led."

It varies actually. One thing is that I don't do any paper work, as is the case with most in this age. I make a document either on computer or mobile and keep adding verses to the poems every time I happen to think of something new. Sometimes they hardly take an hour but sometimes it can even take a week's time. The latter is usually the case when I am busy with something, or when I am not in a constant mood to be creative.

Yeah, that thread was one temptation that I couldn´t resist and ended up disclosing the secret of hers having fallen seeing me sing a song at my elder sister´s wedding. What times those were!

I wrote a poem about the Prophet Mohammad almost a decade ago. It ended like this. It is named As the Tide Turned.


'Would that I had seen you conquer Makkah when you returned home,
You'd overthrown cursed thrones
without a curse thrown

And as the tribes learned ,
That pride burns
The scribes yearned
To be history's witnesses
As the tide turned '

I have performed the entire poem as spoken word at a function that was raising awareness on who the Prophet truly was after that video was released on YouTube. Might upload it one day.

Wow man! I never took you seriously on the forum. These eight verses are extremely deep. Well done! Please and please, please, please upload that video some day and tag me.

Nicely done.. But I'm not too sold on to the idea of equating Ellyse Perry's words with Messianic words, per say..

On that part, I'd use the bolded line too..

Yeah, a case of bit of both: really needed to get a hold of myself that day.

But you see, such thoughts are never meant literally, even if I used the term "messianic". I get very appreciative of every little happiness that comes my way and express my joy and emotions in a very broad way. For example, the presence of my mother in my life have I described as a "Biblical justice" (Isaiah 40:29) in a poem of mine, or in one that the world would stone me to death if my brother was to desert me, or in another have described every beloved one as an angel.

So yeah, the depth used to express emotions is never literal, and once that´s clear, that indeed was a messianic message for me. The hard work put into it sitting miles, miles away and by hardly moving an inch myself made it a reward so fulfilling and satisfying.

 

[DHONI183]

I wrote a poem about the Prophet Mohammad almost a decade ago. It ended like this. It is named As the Tide Turned.


'Would that I had seen you conquer Makkah when you returned home,
You'd overthrown cursed thrones
without a curse thrown

And as the tribes learned ,
That pride burns
The scribes yearned
To be history's witnesses
As the tide turned '

I have performed the entire poem as spoken word at a function that was raising awareness on who the Prophet truly was after that video was released on YouTube. Might upload it one day.

Let me highlight this post again. Brilliant!

 

[Saqs]

Wow man! I never took you seriously on the forum. These eight verses are extremely deep. Well done! Please and please, please, please upload that video some day and tag me.

why didn't you ever take me seriously?

Also I am probably going to perform a full album of my poems soon and I will upload when done.

 

[Kiri]

I, for one, really liked it, it's sort of different.

That's a good one Kiri, keep going.

Thank you 96*

That's amazing bro,very different

Thank you so much!

Be rest assured that I deliberately scrolled down your post, and that because you are a Sri Lankan and your team beat MS Dhoni recently in a final! However, I will be nice for change and read your work.


Man! This seems like a whole film. Tragic endings in general fascinate me to no end. How did you end up coming up with this story and scenarios if I may know?

Next up, write a script, I will produce the film. Promise! But,... it should have a tragic ending again though.

Don't worry dude. India will always be the better cricketing nation than SL. 4 wins just recently won't change the decade of domination.

I came up with the story because I saw this thread and though I could give it a try. I've had interest in writing for quite a long time. I just love to try and make masterpieces. I try to bring new ideas together but the main purpose is to entertain.


All these different scenarios are from songs and movies I've seen. The last part was added because this poem needed a strong emotional ending.

The cop/robber chase scene was from Eminem's Bad Guy/Parking Lot skit from MMLP2. Plus, some of the scenarios were also from The Phone Booth and The Inside Man.

 

[DHONI183]

Also I am probably going to perform a full album of my poems soon and I will upload when done.

Do man. I am glad to have inspired you into it. I just hope that you will stay humble like me once people chase you around for the autographs.

Don't worry dude. India will always be the better cricketing nation than SL. 4 wins just recently won't change the decade of domination.

I came up with the story because I saw this thread and though I could give it a try. I've had interest in writing for quite a long time. I just love to try and make masterpieces. I try to bring new ideas together but the main purpose is to entertain.


All these different scenarios are from songs and movies I've seen. The last part was added because this poem needed a strong emotional ending.

The cop/robber chase scene was from Eminem's Bad Guy/Parking Lot skit from MMLP2. Plus, some of the scenarios were also from The Phone Booth and The Inside Man.

1. My concerns are limited only to MS Dhoni, being a non-Indian/Pakistani fan of him. Once he retires, feel free to smack them around the park for 1800 in an ODI.

2. I sincerely advise you not to waste or take your talent any lightly. I think that the tragic ending just did it! It´s the heart and soul of your work. You are very capable of making the Pakistani aunties weep with your emotional narratives - like me.

Lastly, my full support comes only for those story/poem writers who at least have one love story to boast about. Think about it.....

 

[Saqs]

Do man. I am glad to have inspired you into it.

Khushfehmi check kar bhai ki.

 

[Kiri]

Do man. I am glad to have inspired you into it. I just hope that you will stay humble like me once people chase you around for the autographs.



1. My concerns are limited only to MS Dhoni, being a non-Indian/Pakistani fan of him. Once he retires, feel free to smack them around the park for 1800 in an ODI.

2. I sincerely advise you not to waste or take your talent any lightly. I think that the tragic ending just did it! It´s the heart and soul of your work. You are very capable of making the Pakistani aunties weep with your emotional narratives - like me.

Lastly, my full support comes only for those story/poem writers who at least have one love story to boast about. Think about it.....

Will take this into account when I write my next one.

 

[Saqs]

Kiri yours would he great delivered as spoken word with some good acting t go with it. Could make a good spectacle of it on stage quite easily.

 

[Mamoon]

I would need a song for my novel. If I am unable to write one myself, I will borrow it from this thread. Of course credit will be given.

 

[Saqs]

Royalties too I'd hope.

 

[DHONI183]

Khushfehmi check kar bhai ki.

So nice of you to have insulted me in Urdu - it would have been international otherwise!

Will take this into account when I write my next one.

Make sure that they both die at the end, and if they don´t feel like dying, kill them yourself. Thanks.

I would need a song for my novel. If I am unable to write one myself, I will borrow it from this thread. Of course credit will be given.

The last bit just made my day. Yippi, my name will appear on PTV!

 

[blinding light]

I wrote a poem about the Prophet Mohammad almost a decade ago. It ended like this. It is named As the Tide Turned.


'Would that I had seen you conquer Makkah when you returned home,
You'd overthrown cursed thrones
without a curse thrown

And as the tribes learned ,
That pride burns
The scribes yearned
To be history's witnesses
As the tide turned '

I have performed the entire poem as spoken word at a function that was raising awareness on who the Prophet truly was after that video was released on YouTube. Might upload it one day.

Wow, MashAllah! I think this is extremely beautiful!

 

[blinding light]

Trust me, if you had known the whole story, it would have made you a lit of sadder than that. As for the dates, we mad Romeos are like that you see.



Not now, given that your English was fine. Next time I will, be careful I say!



It varies actually. One thing is that I don't do any paper work, as is the case with most in this age. I make a document either on computer or mobile and keep adding verses to the poems every time I happen to think of something new. Sometimes they hardly take an hour but sometimes it can even take a week's time. The latter is usually the case when I am busy with something, or when I am not in a constant mood to be creative.

Yeah, that thread was one temptation that I couldn´t resist and ended up disclosing the secret of hers having fallen seeing me sing a song at my elder sister´s wedding. What times those were!



Wow man! I never took you seriously on the forum. These eight verses are extremely deep. Well done! Please and please, please, please upload that video some day and tag me.



Yeah, a case of bit of both: really needed to get a hold of myself that day.

But you see, such thoughts are never meant literally, even if I used the term "messianic". I get very appreciative of every little happiness that comes my way and express my joy and emotions in a very broad way. For example, the presence of my mother in my life have I described as a "Biblical justice" (Isaiah 40:29) in a poem of mine, or in one that the world would stone me to death if my brother was to desert me, or in another have described every beloved one as an angel.

So yeah, the depth used to express emotions is never literal, and once that´s clear, that indeed was a messianic message for me. The hard work put into it sitting miles, miles away and by hardly moving an inch myself made it a reward so fulfilling and satisfying.

Right.... I get it now

 

[HamzaSaeen]

Hope you guys like this...

[MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION]

 

[DHONI183]

Hope you guys like this...

[MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION]

Khoobsuratfully written, sir! And I might add, this time around on a different backgroung - have you bought a new mobile?

The "God´s final blow" reference had me.... feel a bit fearful of what the world could end up as with all these wars. That was probably the best bit!

One thing though, I had before this never heard/read the term "toomed".....

Keep going and never forget to tag my username.

 

[HamzaSaeen]

Khoobsuratfully written, sir! And I might add, this time around on a different backgroung - have you bought a new mobile?

The "God´s final blow" reference had me.... feel a bit fearful of what the world could end up as with all these wars. That was probably the best bit!

One thing though, I had before this never heard/read the term "toomed".....

Keep going and never forget to tag my username.

Yeah I got a new phone.
Thanks, your words always mean a lot.

 

[Saqs]

Wow, MashAllah! I think this is extremely beautiful!

Thanks yo

 

[cricket083]

My first attempt at English

To go ahead'to be in light
What things we do to stay in limelight
Don't care what to do
Or think what should I do
Whether be delusive or tell a lie
Just care for yourself'who's he?
Break one's heart or kick'im out
Shout at him or give him a pounce
The questions often lurks into my mind
Alas!I am awing is it what's life?

 

[DHONI183]

My first attempt at English

To go ahead'to be in light
What things we do to stay in limelight
Don't care what to do
Or think what should I do
Whether be delusive or tell a lie
Just care for yourself'who's he?
Break one's heart or kick'im out
Shout at him or give him a pounce
The questions often lurks into my mind
Alas!I am awing is it what's life?

Impressive I must say..... Make sure that it´s not a one-off. Keep them coming.

 

[cricket083]

Impressive I must say..... Make sure that it´s not a one-off. Keep them coming.

Thanks broand yeah Insha Allah I will.

 

[HamzaSaeen]

My first attempt at English

To go ahead'to be in light
What things we do to stay in limelight
Don't care what to do
Or think what should I do
Whether be delusive or tell a lie
Just care for yourself'who's he?
Break one's heart or kick'im out
Shout at him or give him a pounce
The questions often lurks into my mind
Alas!I am awing is it what's life?

Nice!!

 

[cricket083]

Nice!!

Thank you

 

[Pakistani_Legend]

My first attempt at English

To go ahead'to be in light
What things we do to stay in limelight
Don't care what to do
Or think what should I do
Whether be delusive or tell a lie
Just care for yourself'who's he?
Break one's heart or kick'im out
Shout at him or give him a pounce
The questions often lurks into my mind
Alas!I am awing is it what's life?

Good work.

 

[cricket083]

Good work.

Thanks bro

 

[chacha kashmiri]

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/H1qjvyF59c8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Amazing

Great Iman boost for Ramadan

 

[Munna]

My attempt at poetry after a very long time.

Inspiration received after reading [MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION]'s Punjabi poetry in this thread Very spontaneously written without much thought so any feedback would be appreciated [MENTION=14431]blinding light[/MENTION], [MENTION=131701]Mamoon[/MENTION], [MENTION=135402]cricket083[/MENTION], [MENTION=22846]Nostalgic[/MENTION], [MENTION=132462]HamzaSaeen[/MENTION]


Tum ye kese kar lete ho?

Hum watano’n pe zulm karte ho, unki jaanei’n zaaya kar lete ho
Aurtein baiwa karte ho, bachay yateem kar chorte ho
Apne anjaam ki laparwahi kar ke, tum ye kese kar lete ho?

Jab woh masjid jaate hain, Allah tauba karte hain
Peechay se goliyaan un pe chalaate ho, kayi saw shaheed kar jaate ho
Tum to khud maatha taiktey ho, phir tum ye kese sajday karte ho?

Jab woh safar pe jaate hain, apne pyaare peechay chorh ke chalte hain
Unke jahaaz tabah kar daalte ho, watan zalaalat se barpaah kar daalte ho
Khoon se zameen bhar dete ho, tum ye kese laal kar dete ho?

Mera fauji sarhad pe khara hai, naara-e-takbeer buland kar raha hai
Tum us se bhi larh marte ho, Allahu Akbar bol ke usko bhi maut dete ho
Kehte ho ye jihaad fi sabeel Allah hai, tum ye kese keh lete ho?

Is mulk ki awaam ghaafil so rahi hai, usko mazeed gumraah karte ho
Siyaasat karte ho jamhooriyat ki, riyaasat mein fasaad le aate ho
Hukoomat tum kaafirana karte ho, tum ye kufr kese kar lete ho?

Iqbal ke khwaab ki taabeer jhutlaate ho, Quaid ko sharminda kiye jaate ho
Bhutto se Sharif tak tum Pakistan ujaarh dete ho, naye Pakistan ka mazaq tum bana ke rakhte ho
Ye be-hurmati sa sulook karke, Pakistan ka matlab La Ilaha Ill’Allah kese bata dete ho?


Muhib-ul-watan ki faryaad jab arsh tak ja pohanchegi, mere watan ki zeenat jab jag mag jag mag ubhray gi
Hum bhi seena chorha taaneinge, tum bhi zaalim hairaan kharay hoge
Phir tum bhi pashemaan poochoge, ye jurrat tum log kese kar lete ho?

Ek aisa din bhi charhega, jab zulmat tooteygi aur shaheen parwaaz karega
Mere watan ka naam dobaala hoga, Islam yahan phir zinda hoga
Har ghair mulki bhi poochega, ye musallam imaan kahan se laate ho?

Tum kyun aaj se darte ho, is ki kyun tum fikar karte ho
Allah sab kuch dekh raha hai, us pe bharosa kyun nahi karte ho
Waqt uth kharay hone ka hai, qadam ab kyun nahi bharaate ho?

 

[Nostalgic]

My attempt at poetry after a very long time.

Inspiration received after reading [MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION]'s Punjabi poetry in this thread Very spontaneously written without much thought so any feedback would be appreciated [MENTION=14431]blinding light[/MENTION], [MENTION=131701]Mamoon[/MENTION], [MENTION=135402]cricket083[/MENTION], [MENTION=22846]Nostalgic[/MENTION], [MENTION=132462]HamzaSaeen[/MENTION]


Tum ye kese kar lete ho?

Hum watano’n pe zulm karte ho, unki jaanei’n zaaya kar lete ho
Aurtein baiwa karte ho, bachay yateem kar chorte ho
Apne anjaam ki laparwahi kar ke, tum ye kese kar lete ho?

Jab woh masjid jaate hain, Allah tauba karte hain
Peechay se goliyaan un pe chalaate ho, kayi saw shaheed kar jaate ho
Tum to khud maatha taiktey ho, phir tum ye kese sajday karte ho?

Jab woh safar pe jaate hain, apne pyaare peechay chorh ke chalte hain
Unke jahaaz tabah kar daalte ho, watan zalaalat se barpaah kar daalte ho
Khoon se zameen bhar dete ho, tum ye kese laal kar dete ho?

Mera fauji sarhad pe khara hai, naara-e-takbeer buland kar raha hai
Tum us se bhi larh marte ho, Allahu Akbar bol ke usko bhi maut dete ho
Kehte ho ye jihaad fi sabeel Allah hai, tum ye kese keh lete ho?

Is mulk ki awaam ghaafil so rahi hai, usko mazeed gumraah karte ho
Siyaasat karte ho jamhooriyat ki, riyaasat mein fasaad le aate ho
Hukoomat tum kaafirana karte ho, tum ye kufr kese kar lete ho?

Iqbal ke khwaab ki taabeer jhutlaate ho, Quaid ko sharminda kiye jaate ho
Bhutto se Sharif tak tum Pakistan ujaarh dete ho, naye Pakistan ka mazaq tum bana ke rakhte ho
Ye be-hurmati sa sulook karke, Pakistan ka matlab La Ilaha Ill’Allah kese bata dete ho?


Muhib-ul-watan ki faryaad jab arsh tak ja pohanchegi, mere watan ki zeenat jab jag mag jag mag ubhray gi
Hum bhi seena chorha taaneinge, tum bhi zaalim hairaan kharay hoge
Phir tum bhi pashemaan poochoge, ye jurrat tum log kese kar lete ho?

Ek aisa din bhi charhega, jab zulmat tooteygi aur shaheen parwaaz karega
Mere watan ka naam dobaala hoga, Islam yahan phir zinda hoga
Har ghair mulki bhi poochega, ye musallam imaan kahan se laate ho?

Tum kyun aaj se darte ho, is ki kyun tum fikar karte ho
Allah sab kuch dekh raha hai, us pe bharosa kyun nahi karte ho
Waqt uth kharay hone ka hai, qadam ab kyun nahi bharaate ho?

Excellent and poignant sentiments. My only (hopefully constructive) criticism would be that the meter ("wazan") is off.

 

[DHONI183]

[MENTION=39010]Munna[/MENTION] bhai, arrey wah! Kya aala kism ki nazm likhi hai! It´s full of emotions! This one it is that I actually believe can be used in a song.

At the end of it all, the question to ponder is,.... "Tum ye kaise karletey ho?"

Excellent title chosen as well, sir! May God bless the country and its people. Amen.

 

[blinding light]

Wowww! Wonderful stuff [MENTION=39010]Munna[/MENTION] bhai!! well done, indeed!!

 

[cricket083]

[MENTION=39010]Munna[/MENTION]

Very well done bro,really impressing.

 

[Donal Cozzie]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I dont write poetry
And neither should you

Seriously though there's some good stuff written here.Friend of mine is big into poetry so I know its not easy.

Keep it up!!

 

[Munna]

Excellent and poignant sentiments. My only (hopefully constructive) criticism would be that the meter ("wazan") is off.

Written in emotions last night but reading it again now, and I totally agree. Poetry without wazan is like music without rythm.

[MENTION=39010]Munna[/MENTION] bhai, arrey wah! Kya aala kism ki nazm likhi hai! It´s full of emotions! This one it is that I actually believe can be used in a song.

At the end of it all, the question to ponder is,.... "Tum ye kaise karletey ho?"

Excellent title chosen as well, sir! May God bless the country and its people. Amen.

Yeah Laal band could well use this gladly for one of their songs without wanting to pay me for copyrights

Wowww! Wonderful stuff [MENTION=39010]Munna[/MENTION] bhai!! well done, indeed!!

[MENTION=39010]Munna[/MENTION]

Very well done bro,really impressing.

Thank you ladies!

 

[PB]

So you want to know Why?
Gimmie One Sec to look up at the Sky
Get my thoughts together and Sigh
And get this salty particle out of my Eye

Up there I see a bright light called a Star.
While I am here with my Guitar
Sitting down playing with a Scar
Knowing how you, are just as Far

Just like the stars bring about Light
Making the darkness all so Bright
Just like them I wish you were in Sight
That way I wouldn't feel so Uptight

I see a lot of them up There
Some are single, Some in a Pair
Some like you whom are really Rare
You not knowing. Gives me a Scare

I know there are more than one Kind
But a star like you I will never Find
Hope one day our stars are Aligned
And a real love story is truly Defined

 

[DHONI183]

So you want to know Why?
Gimmie One Sec to look up at the Sky
Get my thoughts together and Sigh
And get this salty particle out of my Eye

Up there I see a bright light called a Star.
While I am here with my Guitar
Sitting down playing with a Scar
Knowing how you, are just as Far

Just like the stars bring about Light
Making the darkness all so Bright
Just like them I wish you were in Sight
That way I wouldn't feel so Uptight

I see a lot of them up There
Some are single, Some in a Pair
Some like you whom are really Rare
You not knowing. Gives me a Scare

I know there are more than one Kind
But a star like you I will never Find
Hope one day our stars are Aligned
And a real love story is truly Defined

The last bit was so special! Well done.

 

[Kiri]

So you want to know Why?
Gimmie One Sec to look up at the Sky
Get my thoughts together and Sigh
And get this salty particle out of my Eye

Up there I see a bright light called a Star.
While I am here with my Guitar
Sitting down playing with a Scar
Knowing how you, are just as Far

Just like the stars bring about Light
Making the darkness all so Bright
Just like them I wish you were in Sight
That way I wouldn't feel so Uptight

I see a lot of them up There
Some are single, Some in a Pair
Some like you whom are really Rare
You not knowing. Gives me a Scare

I know there are more than one Kind
But a star like you I will never Find
Hope one day our stars are Aligned
And a real love story is truly Defined

Love the structure. Very simple and romantic. Good write!

 

[Kiri]

Anyone got any new write ups to share?

 

[Pakistani_Legend]

So you want to know Why?
Gimmie One Sec to look up at the Sky
Get my thoughts together and Sigh
And get this salty particle out of my Eye

Up there I see a bright light called a Star.
While I am here with my Guitar
Sitting down playing with a Scar
Knowing how you, are just as Far

Just like the stars bring about Light
Making the darkness all so Bright
Just like them I wish you were in Sight
That way I wouldn't feel so Uptight

I see a lot of them up There
Some are single, Some in a Pair
Some like you whom are really Rare
You not knowing. Gives me a Scare

I know there are more than one Kind
But a star like you I will never Find
Hope one day our stars are Aligned
And a real love story is truly Defined

Magnificent work!

 

[Kiri]

Secretus

Backstory:
I pretty much wrote this with some thought within 30 mins. However, the inspiration goes back 10 years. I used to be picked on in lower high school, which aggravated emotions within me that I'd never of shared on even the most brightest of days. Today, I give you the experience I had in the form of a short poem. Also, the dark theme is just an extension of my imagination and nothing more.

Secluded within a school
The abuse is unbearably broke
The confinement is injustice
I’m cornered; he just screams ‘it’s just us’

It’s a bully and me
Everyday is a living death trap, free me please
It is just me or do I flea?
They think it’s funny if they give me an unwanted decree

Time to grab a shovel and watch them burn into a furnace
I will strangle them all for this worthless purpose
They can’t see my fire and rage inside
I do this now and I’ll have ‘em buried alive

But Kiri don’t you believe in Karma you idiot
Are you telling me to do nothing, that’s brilliant
Please don’t Kiri, that’s very cruel and insidious
Break shadow and I will fly prodigious with my famous riches


Any feedback would be appreciated. [MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION] [MENTION=14431]blinding light[/MENTION], [MENTION=131701]Mamoon[/MENTION], [MENTION=135402]cricket083[/MENTION], [MENTION=22846]Nostalgic[/MENTION], [MENTION=132462]HamzaSaeen[/MENTION]

 

[HamzaSaeen]

Secretus

Backstory:
I pretty much wrote this with some thought within 30 mins. However, the inspiration goes back 10 years. I used to be picked on in lower high school, which aggravated emotions within me that I'd never of shared on even the most brightest of days. Today, I give you the experience I had in the form of a short poem. Also, the dark theme is just an extension of my imagination and nothing more.

Secluded within a school
The abuse is unbearably broke
The confinement is injustice
I’m cornered; he just screams ‘it’s just us’

It’s a bully and me
Everyday is a living death trap, free me please
It is just me or do I flea?
They think it’s funny if they give me an unwanted decree

Time to grab a shovel and watch them burn into a furnace
I will strangle them all for this worthless purpose
They can’t see my fire and rage inside
I do this now and I’ll have ‘em buried alive

But Kiri don’t you believe in Karma you idiot
Are you telling me to do nothing, that’s brilliant
Please don’t Kiri, that’s very cruel and insidious
Break shadow and I will fly prodigious with my famous riches


Any feedback would be appreciated. [MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION] [MENTION=14431]blinding light[/MENTION], [MENTION=131701]Mamoon[/MENTION], [MENTION=135402]cricket083[/MENTION], [MENTION=22846]Nostalgic[/MENTION], [MENTION=132462]HamzaSaeen[/MENTION]

This is brilliant!!!

 

[HamzaSaeen]

So you want to know Why?
Gimmie One Sec to look up at the Sky
Get my thoughts together and Sigh
And get this salty particle out of my Eye

Up there I see a bright light called a Star.
While I am here with my Guitar
Sitting down playing with a Scar
Knowing how you, are just as Far

Just like the stars bring about Light
Making the darkness all so Bright
Just like them I wish you were in Sight
That way I wouldn't feel so Uptight

I see a lot of them up There
Some are single, Some in a Pair
Some like you whom are really Rare
You not knowing. Gives me a Scare

I know there are more than one Kind
But a star like you I will never Find
Hope one day our stars are Aligned
And a real love story is truly Defined

Nicely written!

 

[DHONI183]

Secretus

Backstory:
I pretty much wrote this with some thought within 30 mins. However, the inspiration goes back 10 years. I used to be picked on in lower high school, which aggravated emotions within me that I'd never of shared on even the most brightest of days. Today, I give you the experience I had in the form of a short poem. Also, the dark theme is just an extension of my imagination and nothing more.

Secluded within a school
The abuse is unbearably broke
The confinement is injustice
I’m cornered; he just screams ‘it’s just us’

It’s a bully and me
Everyday is a living death trap, free me please
It is just me or do I flea?
They think it’s funny if they give me an unwanted decree

Time to grab a shovel and watch them burn into a furnace
I will strangle them all for this worthless purpose
They can’t see my fire and rage inside
I do this now and I’ll have ‘em buried alive

But Kiri don’t you believe in Karma you idiot
Are you telling me to do nothing, that’s brilliant
Please don’t Kiri, that’s very cruel and insidious
Break shadow and I will fly prodigious with my famous riches


Any feedback would be appreciated. [MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION] [MENTION=14431]blinding light[/MENTION], [MENTION=131701]Mamoon[/MENTION], [MENTION=135402]cricket083[/MENTION], [MENTION=22846]Nostalgic[/MENTION], [MENTION=132462]HamzaSaeen[/MENTION]

Firstly, very well captured in a poem! Excellent work not only for the quality of the writing but also because of the emotions contained and revealed through it. It feels as if a villain is giving justification behind his thoughts and feelings - by no means I mean to say that you are a villain though; never!

Kept me very engaged till the end. The readers approach fictitious and real events based narratives differently, and whereas both hold its value, the latter is likely to keep you more engaged with the reader´s curiosity to discover about the main character involved. Very well composed!

I had been missing your presence in this thread. Keep coming up with such masterpieces.

 

[Kiri]

Firstly, very well captured in a poem! Excellent work not only for the quality of the writing but also because of the emotions contained and revealed through it. It feels as if a villain is giving justification behind his thoughts and feelings - by no means I mean to say that you are a villain though; never!

Kept me very engaged till the end. The readers approach fictitious and real events based narratives differently, and whereas both hold its value, the latter is likely to keep you more engaged with the reader´s curiosity to discover about the main character involved. Very well composed!

I had been missing your presence in this thread. Keep coming up with such masterpieces.

Thank you very much.
I tried really hard to keep it consistent throughout so that viewer does not lose interest.


I will try and create more pieces this week.

 

[Kiri]

Nicely written!

Thanks buddy

 

[HamzaSaeen]

Thanks buddy

That compliment was not for your piece.
The one above it was

 

[Kiri]

That compliment was not for your piece.
The one above it was

Same thing )

 

[cricket083]

Secretus

Backstory:
I pretty much wrote this with some thought within 30 mins. However, the inspiration goes back 10 years. I used to be picked on in lower high school, which aggravated emotions within me that I'd never of shared on even the most brightest of days. Today, I give you the experience I had in the form of a short poem. Also, the dark theme is just an extension of my imagination and nothing more.

Secluded within a school
The abuse is unbearably broke
The confinement is injustice
I’m cornered; he just screams ‘it’s just us’

It’s a bully and me
Everyday is a living death trap, free me please
It is just me or do I flea?
They think it’s funny if they give me an unwanted decree

Time to grab a shovel and watch them burn into a furnace
I will strangle them all for this worthless purpose
They can’t see my fire and rage inside
I do this now and I’ll have ‘em buried alive

But Kiri don’t you believe in Karma you idiot
Are you telling me to do nothing, that’s brilliant
Please don’t Kiri, that’s very cruel and insidious
Break shadow and I will fly prodigious with my famous riches


Any feedback would be appreciated. [MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION] [MENTION=14431]blinding light[/MENTION], [MENTION=131701]Mamoon[/MENTION], [MENTION=135402]cricket083[/MENTION], [MENTION=22846]Nostalgic[/MENTION], [MENTION=132462]HamzaSaeen[/MENTION]

Brilliant bro!very nice.

 

[DHONI183]

Nicely written!

Thanks buddy

That compliment was not for your piece.
The one above it was

Same thing )

Staying quiet should be preferred over honesty in some cases. Being too honest can lead you to a troublesome marital life. [MENTION=132462]HamzaSaeen[/MENTION] bhai will be amongst those who will say to his wife, "You too are looking beautiful, but when I said "Wow!",.... I meant the girl behind you." *His wife leaves the table, he is left alone to eat and then pay the bill.*

 

[HamzaSaeen]

Staying quiet should be preferred over honesty in some cases. Being too honest can lead you to a troublesome marital life. [MENTION=132462]HamzaSaeen[/MENTION] bhai will be amongst those who will say to his wife, "You too are looking beautiful, but when I said "Wow!",.... I meant the girl behind you." *His wife leaves the table, he is left alone to eat and then pay the bill.*

) I hope this isn't true !

 

[samplepiece]

Wrote this one today. Would be glad if its not quoted in full as I have already submitted this one for the internal magazine.

How the world falls apart

Unnoticed goes the first sign
And the ones that follow are ignored
Slowly continues the decline
Till the cracks become obvious aboard.

What was then a minor crease is now a mine
Where a stitch was needed, now wont suffice nine
What was once unsubstantial, benign and a mere outline
Can now only be undone by an intervention nearly divine

Nostalgia and bad blood further intertwine
One moment fine and the very next in the firing line
Rapidly paranoia assumes design
Events trickle off the fiction's assembly line

First a trickle shop, then a deluge mart
Accusations of subterfuge from the broken heart
It is in this manner, part by part
That someone's world falls apart.

PS: Interestingly a few people who have read this failed to understand it.

 

[DHONI183]

PS: Interestingly a few people who have read this failed to understand it.

And I won´t blame them since it really is hard to be understood much. However, that doesn´t and can´t diminish the quality of your work though. One can at least conclude by reading it, that it is well written. Kudos!

 

[HamzaSaeen]

[MENTION=51547]samplepiece[/MENTION] brilliantly written masterpiece bhai!
Can understand why people find it hard to understand... But I understood it fully, indeed a masterpiece!

 

[samplepiece]

Two very different opinions [MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION] and [MENTION=4139]hamza[/MENTION]Saeed

Thanks for reading!

 

[chacha kashmiri]

bismillah

I stand at the towers of babylon throwing rocks at nimrod
my hands tarnished with the black death and the goa inquisition
my child i put in a moses basket and watch his last nod
i am a product not of my own actions but of state persecution
i refuse to worship the rubble underneath which lies my child crushed
a victim of hate in a never ending cycle culminating into fate
photobombed by a man with a helmet, i stand here airbrushed
you see i can blog about this , instagram the veins popping out my dead aunt
i'l get less hits than lindsey lohan's slits on her arm
crying out for another soloman, to understand the language of dying ants
consider this my eulogy, a kid with tinted growth on his psalm lines
a recipient of lifetime achivement award in staying confined
make it posthumous , than ask me why so serious

 

[DHONI183]

I think the below should be added to this thread as well......

Actually my best travel experience was also my worst.

I was flying from Khi to Houston with a connection in UAE and Amsterdam. The flight end up delaying at the stopover in Dubai. We were hauled to a local hotel. During the flight I noticed a really pretty girl traveling alone to US to meet her bros family in NY. The conversation started at the hotel breakfast cafe/bar. We travelled more or less together back to the airport from the hotel in the airport van. As if by coincidence out of a Bollywood movie, our seats were together with one seat in between. Turned out their was another girl traveling by herself who opted to sit next to the window, while me and her sat next to each other, me getting the aisle seat. She was a real talker and quite funny. Not really my type and a little older than me but her beautiful face made everything alright. At our next stop in Amsterdam, we both knew this is becoming a DDLJ story. We both window shopped the duty free shops together. I begin to notice a few uncle and aunties on the plane with us giving us a little stare as if to say "ye kia horaha hai". The sweetest moment was when we were both trying to take naps and I woke up noticing her head resting against my shoulder as she slept. The air hostess passing through noticed that and looked at us with an annoyed and somewhat judgmental way and almost woke her up while I pretended that I'm sleeping too, but she didn't. In any case, the farewell happened at the JFK airport during immigration. We exchanged numbers and smiles. I thought at that time that this is it, she is the one. Fate has brought us together.

I took the connecting flight to Houston. Got the first seat in the plane where they don't have any seats in front to use their back pouches to put passport etc in. I kept it on the side. When the plane landed, either out of exhaustion or lost in her thoughts I just stood up took my hand luggage and left, forgetting my passport and visa back in the plane. Didn't realize it till I got back home and then almost hysterically drove back to the airport but it was too late. No passport, no visa. Just entered US and had to start my job in a week. Needless to say my world turned upside down. Took me 6 months to replace all the documents I lost, fortunately my workplace didn't fire me and waited for me. And the kicker was, after I lost my passport/visa and had just applied to the US consulate for replacement visa documents, 911 happened. Those were the worst 6 months of my life.


As for the girl. Talked to her on the phone and after only 2-3 weeks realized that we are worlds apart so that dream got over soon, only this time I was the one who broke it off instead of the girl.

^ http://www.pakpassion.net/ppforum/s...periences-of-Air-Travel&p=6997537#post6997537 ^

[MENTION=2071]saadibaba[/MENTION] Well, an attempt at least from me to describe the events. I had completed this on Thursday itself but needed time to make those footnotes. I was too fascinated by it to have overcome this easily.

An eventful flight

"My eventful flight,
Trouble followed brief delight, 1
Divine forces seated us together, 2
Leaving others to bother, 3
Every auntie stares and judges, 4
Uncles too, overcome by grudges, 5
The way she talked and every joke she cracked, 6
So lost we were, nothing could distract,
A beautiful face rested against my shoulder,...... 7
Unforgettable it gets as I get older.

Sadly not a match made in heaven, 8
But for a day the plane flew through the heavens."

Completed at 15:06 CEST, 7th August 2014.

Footnotes based on the details provided by Saadibaba:

1. "Trouble" refers to him having lost his visa, passport etc. afterwards. He lost them in the plane. It took him six months to get all the documents replaced.

2. "our seats were together with one seat in between. Turned out their was another girl traveling by herself who opted to sit next to the window." So they weren´t meant to sit together originally, but so it happened.

3. As he himself relates, people in the plane did feel a bit annoyed......

4. "I begin to notice a few uncle and aunties on the plane with us giving us a little stare."

5. Out of jealousy, you know.....

6. "She was a real talker and quite funny."

7. "The sweetest moment was when we were both trying to take naps and I woke up noticing her head resting against my shoulder as she slept."

8. "Talked to her on the phone and after only 2-3 weeks realized that we are worlds apart so that dream got over soon."

^ http://www.pakpassion.net/ppforum/s...periences-of-Air-Travel&p=7018185#post7018185 ^

 

[saadibaba]

[MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION]

Wow!!! I'm blown away. That is so sweet. Thanks bro.

 

[DHONI183]

[MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION]

Wow!!! I'm blown away. That is so sweet. Thanks bro.

My pleasure, brother. I like giving myself reasons to be busy with something or the other, which mostly relates to writing or composing some stuff on the computer.

Very glad that you liked it.

 

[PB]

The last bit was so special! Well done.

Love the structure. Very simple and romantic. Good write!

Magnificent work!

Nicely written!

Thanks everyone

 

[DHONI183]

My third attempt at poetry in Punjabi.

Har raah tey kaantey vechh gaye ney

"Har paasey nazr nu pheyrya vey,
Nayi dessdi o jinndi yaad ney keyrya vey,
Aeyh keh ke dil nu mnaya vey,
Kadi aaveygi o jinndi yaad ney ruwaya vey.

Jes din da tenu chhaddyaa vey,
Khwaabaa`n chey tenu labbya vey,
Zindagi dey sukkh vekk gaye ney,
Har raah tey kaantey vechh gaye ney.

Dukkhaa`n tou`n kadi tanng nayi aanda,
Ekk tera ghamm seyah nayi jaanda,
Chootthey haasey tou`n akk gya vaa`n,
Ghamm lukaa lukaa thakk gya vaa`n.

Atthru lukayaa`n tey lukk jaandey ney,
Ki aeydaa`n ghamm vi mukk jaandey ney?
Majbooriya`n aggey dil de armaan tey chukk jaandey ney,
Ki aeydaa`n atthru vi rukk jaandey ney?"

Poem (composed by Rawal Afzal) completed at 15:16 PM CEST, 29th August 2014.

 

[PB]

What great memories we Shared.
Still haven't had any that could be Compared
Too bad we were Unprepared
And there was so much that was left Undeclared.

Every time I think back, I can't help but Smile.
Every moment we shared was Worthwhile.
Even though some things got Hostile.
We certainly had a different Style.

Our love story was really Unique
Its like it had this Mystique
Sadly it ended before it could reach its Peak
The end was rather Oblique

There was something about that Time
That continues to make my heart Chime
The whole experience was truly sublime
Such it always makes me want to Rhyme.

Can't believe it's already been two Years
We should cherish every moment before it Disappears
Because there won't be any drinks and us saying Cheers
Only us being alone in a puddle of our own Tears

I don't think there will be anyone with whom I could Duplicate
What I had with you, every thing was special even the way we would Communicate
The best I could do would be to Hallucinate
But that would be wrong, so I'll just use the time to Rejuvenate

I guess we just weren't meant to be United.
Because of us others were Excited
And also Delighted
But because of others our relationship was Ignited

 

[DHONI183]

What great memories we Shared.
Still haven't had any that could be Compared
Too bad we were Unprepared
And there was so much that was left Undeclared.

Every time I think back, I can't help but Smile.
Every moment we shared was Worthwhile.
Even though some things got Hostile.
We certainly had a different Style.

Our love story was really Unique
Its like it had this Mystique
Sadly it ended before it could reach its Peak
The end was rather Oblique

There was something about that Time
That continues to make my heart Chime
The whole experience was truly sublime
Such it always makes me want to Rhyme.

Can't believe it's already been two Years
We should cherish every moment before it Disappears
Because there won't be any drinks and us saying Cheers
Only us being alone in a puddle of our own Tears

I don't think there will be anyone with whom I could Duplicate
What I had with you, every thing was special even the way we would Communicate
The best I could do would be to Hallucinate
But that would be wrong, so I'll just use the time to Rejuvenate

I guess we just weren't meant to be United.
Because of us others were Excited
And also Delighted
But because of others our relationship was Ignited

Not bad I say. Whereas quite simple it may just be, your story fascinates me and each time I read it in your poems I read it by feeling very engaged, like a character involved. I think you should write a book, describing at all like a novel. I would buy it, guaranteed!

I always find it interesting when people say how their relationship was ruined by others. I suppose it lands one in a situation full of regrets. I feel for such people. It annoys me to see people involving themselves in others´ lives at all, but as you would know, this is quite a norm in our culture at least we people feel it to be their duty and responsibility to interfere in others´ matters.

Again, well done!

 

[ftbno1]

Jab karta hun aankh band teri tasveer nazar aati hai,
Tu hai toh bewafa par teri yaad bahut aati hai.
Ek ummed hai jhuti si jo ab bhi khwab dikhati hai,
Ek aag hai seene mein jo rom rom jalati hai.
Mann ki gehrai teri aahat aa jaati hai,
Tu hai toh bewafa par teri ab bhi yaad aati.
Dil chahta hai ki tujhe bhul jaun,
Yeh dhadkanein daga de jaati hai.
Tera naam sunte hi kambakht bharne lag jaati.
Samjhata hun inhe bada par yeh samajh nai paati hai.
Tu hai toh bewafa,par teri yaad bahut aati hai.

 

[ftbno1]

I love my life, though i may be sad.
I love my life even if world may be bad.
I love my life with all its grief.
As i have faith that it will be brief.
I love my life for the challenges ahead.
And joy in the world which i will spread.
I love my life with all its insanity.
As nothing has shaken my belief in humanity.
I love my life for all my friends,
As my quest for friendship never ends.
Ilove my life for the morning light.
I love my life for the peaceful night

 

[DHONI183]

Jab karta hun aankh band teri tasveer nazar aati hai,
Tu hai toh bewafa par teri yaad bahut aati hai.
Ek ummed hai jhuti si jo ab bhi khwab dikhati hai,
Ek aag hai seene mein jo rom rom jalati hai.
Mann ki gehrai teri aahat aa jaati hai,
Tu hai toh bewafa par teri ab bhi yaad aati.
Dil chahta hai ki tujhe bhul jaun,
Yeh dhadkanein daga de jaati hai.
Tera naam sunte hi kambakht bharne lag jaati.
Samjhata hun inhe bada par yeh samajh nai paati hai.
Tu hai toh bewafa,par teri yaad bahut aati hai.

I love my life, though i may be sad.
I love my life even if world may be bad.
I love my life with all its grief.
As i have faith that it will be brief.
I love my life for the challenges ahead.
And joy in the world which i will spread.
I love my life with all its insanity.
As nothing has shaken my belief in humanity.
I love my life for all my friends,
As my quest for friendship never ends.
Ilove my life for the morning light.
I love my life for the peaceful night

Wow, wow, wow! Fantastic! Both of them are brilliant. Always like reading Urdu poetry, and as for the English poem, this perfectly fits into the sort of attitude that I like to wear most of my life, although we are humans after all and are bound to feel upset and sad at times reflecting on our lives. I must admit here that the last verse may not quite apply to me, probably the only one that doesn´t.

Again, well done!

 

[PB]

Not bad I say. Whereas quite simple it may just be, your story fascinates me and each time I read it in your poems I read it by feeling very engaged, like a character involved. I think you should write a book, describing at all like a novel. I would buy it, guaranteed!

I always find it interesting when people say how their relationship was ruined by others. I suppose it lands one in a situation full of regrets. I feel for such people. It annoys me to see people involving themselves in others´ lives at all, but as you would know, this is quite a norm in our culture at least we people feel it to be their duty and responsibility to interfere in others´ matters.

Again, well done!

Thanks again Rawal bhai.

Just did that on the fly last night on my phone which is why the grammar and punctuation might not be top notch, did it while I started missing her. Whatever came to mind I just wrote down.

 

[chacha kashmiri]

As made famous by Musharaf Asghar's stammer


The moment

The moment when, after many years
of hard work and a long voyage
you stand in the centre of your room,
house, half-acre, square mile, island, country,
knowing at last how you got there,
and say, I own this,

is the same moment when the trees unloose
their soft arms from around you,
the birds take back their language,
the cliffs fissure and collapse,
the air moves back from you like a wave
and you can't breathe.

No, they whisper. You own nothing.
You were a visitor, time after time
climbing the hill, planting the flag, proclaiming.
We never belonged to you.
You never found us.
It was always the other way round.

-- Margaret Atwood

 

[chacha kashmiri]

One I wrote about the greatest man that ever lived and my pops


Bismillah Arahman a Araheem


Our religion started with the light
that brought the bright skies to us
The shepherd that taught us
We heared and we obeyed and we summoned
our might to fight for him
We pledged to protect and cross the sea for him
Stoned by aggressors he prayed for their forgiveness
and saved them from destruction
He was a mercy that brought ease for us
Standing before his lord he begged him to lower the prayers
that we still find so hard to complete
An inspiration to us when we got through the conceit he fought to change
So that man didn't answer to man but only to the supreme being
An orphan whose sons all died young but he didn't cry nor wail for them
Lord give me strength to endure even a small percentage of that same pain
Looking at him on his seat in a blue stripe across The jumper I sent him
He looks so bleak and weak , what happened to the man who scared the streets
The guards coming to tell him to put the lid on the tea
Let me join him throw the mug , let it be
He tells me to send money to the daughter he's left with her mum
In a one room flat in some cockroach infested slum
I look at him not knowing where to dumb
i don't wna feel pity not any other emotion
Just let him be free so he can chill and I can treat him
This Life's a game , some lose at it and some win
Shrug of the shoulders, get the rug out and pray for him
Ummati umami ummati all night long

 

[s28]

This is really good by @thebrownhijabi a finalist in the Poetry Slam Final at The Last Word Festival

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/G9Sz2BQdMF8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

[DHONI183]

Based on one of the most memorable happenings of my life.

Present at the service of my Lord!

"Present at the service of my Lord! 1
Bent on a surface most adored, 2
Content are the hosts on board, 3
Consent is sought for a blissful Abode. 4

Went to submit my love for the Creator,
Sent to circuit is a willing mediator, 5
Willingly I pray for a reward much greater. 6

Wandered to places lost and dejected, 7
Pondered for ages till someone was selected, 8
Submitted I prayed, asked and waited,
Committed I stayed, at last am sated." 9

Composed by Rawal Afzal, completed at 18:05 PM CEST, 15th September 2017.

Footnotes:

1. Loosely based on "Labbaik Allahumma Labbaik" ("Here I am at Your service O´ Lord, here I am"). Of course not in the physical sense, but in a spiritual I was also present.

2. "Bent" - in the position of Ruku or Sajdah (prostration). "Surface most adored" - the surface of Masjid-al-Haraam (the Sacred Mosque), or Mecca in general.

3. Away from materialistic pleasures, worldly anxieties and tensions, the pilgrims experience a state of tranquility.

4. "Consent is sought from God that He accepts everyone´s Hajj and admits us to a Blissful Abode" - the Abode of Paradise.

5. "Circuit" - to circuit around the Kaaba. Although it has a different meaning, but for the sake of poetry, the word "mediator" here has been used in the sense of "representative" or along the lines of it. His full name is Shuaib Muhammad Hussain - may God reward him.

6. A reward greater than God would already have planned for him.

7. I had explored several options without much success before this, starting from 2015.

8. Selected by God.

9. "Sated" - "To satisfy (any appetite or desire) fully."

A random note: the most part of the poem is written in the present tense due to the fact that I had begun composing it back then itself, but took a long time in completing it due to being very busy recently.

 

[PakistanCricketFan]

Michael Caine narrates "If" by Rudyard Kipling, and it's amazing.

For me, this is my top favourite poem ever. The one I find the most inspirational, and motivational. Always have this with me, and this amazing version and video of it to listen to and watch.

 

[SpiritOf1903]

I wanna hear Rob Brydon reading it in the voice of Michael Caine ..

 

[ManFan]

Kipling was a product of his time; a racist Victorian imperialist. But the circumstances make the man, not the other way around.

This poem is a treasure.

My second favorite of all time after Percy Shelly’s “Ozymandias”.

 

[PakistanCricketFan]

Kipling was a product of his time; a racist Victorian imperialist. But the circumstances make the man, not the other way around.

This poem is a treasure.

My second favorite of all time after Percy Shelly’s “Ozymandias”.

I absolutely love Ozymandias as well.