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Poetry (thread for creative people)

Here is my latest piece guys!
I know, I have been very inactive as of late...
 

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HamzaSaeen said:
Here is my latest piece guys!
I know, I have been very inactive as of late...
Click to expand...

I have already commented on this somewhere else, in fact me it is who provided you the link of this thread *Thanks!* :p.

But one objection, leave our Adolf alone in peace :p.
 
DHONI183 said:
Only one verse has been omitted from its original form.

I pray to Thee

"Listen O ` You to my prayers,
Take off the burden this heart bears,
As the time approaches, help me,
Set me free,
Make it all happen, I pray to Thee.

Despite the hurdles faced,
In You have all the hopes been placed,
Let not my words go to waste,
With Your Support has the negativity been erased,
Let not my determination be disgraced.

I know well the challenges exist,
I still believe You will assist,
My prayers have the power to resist.

I pray again what I pray before,
Make it all happen as I swore,
Let this bird-like heart reach the destination,
It flies with hope, in love and admiration."

Poem (written by Rawal Afzal) completed at 19: 47 PM CEST, 1st July 2013.

2w7eq2d.jpg


This picture fascinates me so much that it will now grace my avatar.
Click to expand...

"Dear Rawal,

Many thanks for your support and well wishes. It's truly appreciated!

All the very best, it sounds like you have a great strength of character and strong will to keep making the most of life and all it's situations.

Take care,

Ellyse Perry. "
 
A laugh, revealing pearls,
A face beautiful as the moon,
Time is too narrow to contain them,
But my heart does so.
 
waqar goraya said:
A laugh, revealing pearls,
A face beautiful as the moon,
Time is too narrow to contain them,
But my heart does so.
Click to expand...

Wow, wow, wow! I am seriously impressed! This thread I don´t think has been graced with deeper words than these too often. The first verse kills it:bow:!

Khair tou hai na, bhai ji:)?

"A laugh, revealing pearls.... "

How I wish I had been the one to come up with this!
 
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DHONI183 said:
Wow, wow, wow! I am seriously impressed! This thread I don´t think has been graced with deeper words than these too often. The first verse kills it:bow:!

Khair tou hai na, bhai ji:)?

"A laugh, revealing pearls.... "

How I wish I had been the one to come up with this!
Click to expand...

Meri shakal dekh li Waqar Goraya ne ghaliban

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk
 
DHONI183 said:
Years before my birth, the Almighty bestowed upon me a blessing on the 9th of February.
Click to expand...

^ http://www.pakpassion.net/ppforum/showpost.php?p=6498965&postcount=1618 ^

My protective brother

"My precious friend, a protective brother,
His love transcending that of a mother,
Short-tempered; he doesn't bother,
With me a different personality altogether,
Hears my every word with patience,
Don't we love our lengthy conversations!

You alone know my beliefs and their depth,
Desert me not for they would stone me to death,... 1
In a world of so many like Cain, 2
Very different are we twain, 3
Wounds may be mine, you feel all the pain.

A challenging journey, through the flames of fire,
You have carried me in your arms, yet you do not tire,
Because of you I smile even in loneliness,
For my aggrieved face would cause you an illness,
You are God's Promise towards me,
For a reason He sent you before me, 4
You are my strength, I pray no harm toucheth thee."

Poem (composed by Rawal Afzal) completed at 10:51 AM CET, 9th February 2014.

Footnotes:

1. "They" refers to the world.

2. The son of the first human-being who killed his brother out of jealousy (see Qur´an 5:27 to 5:31, and Genesis 4:2 to 4:8).

3. "Twain" - two.

4. "Sent" - born.
 
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One i wrote on may 21 2013

''breathe
within the hypoxic chamber
breathe 8 foot deep in a well conjuring a burp
breathe on them cotton fields armed with plantation
as they stand with pitch forks to savour their dellicate delegation
breathe when the tractor cant move anything coz the grass aint been mown
strange in everything including name,this.. is your life's bain
with the mountain peak attracting more and more stragglers
the name is generic, it can never be hers
the pits, the chambers entertain the grandeur's, whip
whistle away, away from the horn tooting and the water boling,
the tune emanating from your lips, tantalazing as make a wish
the mice gnawing away at your rope will not cultivate your freedom
searching for feets, for barrels flowed with wine, ends justifying their hunt
breathe, claustrophobic, arachnophobic. blinded at sea
remember, remember, the harshest of sounds is the braying of the donkey''
 
An exalted emotion

"An emotion most exalted, connecting us,
Near impossible to express,
Fearing no outcomes, neither demanding success,
Uncages itself, like a bird the heart flies,
So sleepless at night wander our eyes.

The moments of separation, the tears they shed,
Painful moments they so dread,
The burden of sorrows they share,
The lack of words to show how much they care,
Not to separate, they swear.

The moments of togetherness,
In that alone lies their happiness,
Admitting mistakes never committed,
Some emotional blackmailing,...... always permitted,
The "I hate you" that's never meant,
Those words of anger without resent,
Those fights, the annoying of each other,
They miss the most in the absence of one another."

Poem (composed by Rawal Afzal) completed at 10:54 AM CET, 14th February 2014.
 
Well right, surgery number 13 in life awaits me this Friday:). The orders are strict from 'someone' that I should be having nothing to do wth any female doctor or a nurse, and should simply mind my business:). With the Help of the Divine, I expect myself to pull this one off as well - I wasn't called a person of strong will and great character by Ellyse Perry without a reason:msd.

Anyways, the piece below was composed on the first day of year 2014 and its sole purpose was to motivate myself for the challenges ahead. It was inspired from a poem written in Hindi by the Bollywood actor Amitabh Bachchan`s father.

Walk in the sunshine

"You will not tire,
You shall not retire,
Wait not for the shadows, walk in the sunshine,
Let resistance be your only sign,
Others sleep in order to dream,
You must stay awake to fulfill each your dream,
Crawl to your goals, if you cannot walk,
Inspire others too with the way you talk.....

You are happy,.... at least you can pretend,
Await no helper, ask not for a friend,
Lead your life the way it has been penned,
Accept your limitations, them you can't transcend.
For the permanent does not have an end....

Disappointments will greet you,
But never allow them to defeat you,
Prepare with a smile well before they meet you,
They shall not be allowed to down you,
Live for those who are around you,
Sorrows may be be deeper than the oceans,
Yet you will not show your emotions....

Tough may seem your survival,
But every downfall has a revival,
You must resist, insists you Rawal... "

Completed at 11:03 AM CET, 1st January 2014.
 
DHONI183 said:
Well right, surgery number 13 in life awaits me this Friday:). The orders are strict from 'someone' that I should be having nothing to do wth any female doctor or a nurse, and should simply mind my business:). With the Help of the Divine, I expect myself to pull this one off as well - I wasn't called a person of strong will and great character by Ellyse Perry without a reason:msd.

Anyways, the piece below was composed on the first day of year 2014 and its sole purpose was to motivate myself for the challenges ahead. It was inspired from a poem written in Hindi by the Bollywood actor Amitabh Bachchan`s father.

Walk in the sunshine

"You will not tire,
You shall not retire,
Wait not for the shadows, walk in the sunshine,
Let resistance be your only sign,
Others sleep in order to dream,
You must stay awake to fulfill each your dream,
Crawl to your goals, if you cannot walk,
Inspire others too with the way you talk.....

You are happy,.... at least you can pretend,
Await no helper, ask not for a friend,
Lead your life the way it has been penned,
Accept your limitations, them you can't transcend.
For the permanent does not have an end....

Disappointments will greet you,
But never allow them to defeat you,
Prepare with a smile well before they meet you,
They shall not be allowed to down you,
Live for those who are around you,
Sorrows may be be deeper than the oceans,
Yet you will not show your emotions....

Tough may seem your survival,
But every downfall has a revival,
You must resist, insists you Rawal... "

Completed at 11:03 AM CET, 1st January 2014.
Click to expand...

Awesome as usual :14:

but surgery no.13?:O

Are you trying to create some sort of record :sachin


I hope its a minor one and wish it is successful :)
 
Saurav said:
Awesome as usual :14:

but surgery no.13?:O

Are you trying to create some sort of record :sachin


I hope its a minor one and wish it is successful :)
Click to expand...

What else do you expect from a Sachinista? I am selfish, I chase records:sachin!

God willing, it will go well:). Yup, not any major operation however.
 
Wow! great poem by Harivanshrai bachchan.

Take care Rawal.stay strong :)
 
kaayal said:
Wow! great poem by Harivanshrai bachchan.

Take care Rawal.stay strong :)
Click to expand...

Yup, an excellent piece by the man. I don´t quite understand the Hindi used in it, certainly not to the extent that I could translate or get too literal whilst basing my piece on it, but I felt that what I wrote to motivate myself had the same sentiment in it as the one by Sri Harivansh Rai Bachchan. I uploaded his poem some time ago to share with others, and you can have a listen too......

https://soundcloud.com/user775057779/agneepath-2012-poem-harivansh

And yes, thanks! I am bound to stay strong and recover well seeing the number of sisters worried about my well-being all the time:msd.
 
Only my second attempt at Punjabi poetry.

Teri yaad dey raastey chhuttey nayi

"Arsey hogaye ney dil hasseya nayi,
Dil chey koi sukh wasseya nayi,
Par aey ghamm kisey nu dasseya nayi,.....
Loki samjhann ghamm muk gaye ney,
Akkhaa`n reh gayi aa ney, atthru suk gaye ney.

Chootthey haasey hassdaa vaa`n,
Teri yaad tou door nassdaa vaa`n,
Rabb ko tenu mangna si, hatth mere utthey nayi,
Tenu chhadd`ta, teri yaad dey raastey chhuttey nayi,
Aey saadi majbooriya`n,
Kismat chey likhi maazooriya`n,.....
Namumkin dua manng na sakkeya,
Tere ghamm tou paar nanng na sakkeya,
Dostiyaa`n yariyaa`n chey dil nayi lagda,
Tere siwa koi hamdard nayi labda."

Completed at 09: 44 AM CET, 29th March 2014.
 
The intelligent Supporter said:
Yaar Rawal...

Maza te sirf uddon aana see ....agar punjabi wich likhi hondi ....Angreezi che parhan da koi sawaad nai ..yaara
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I understand that, but I sadly can´t write in the Nastaaliq script:(. Can read it though, but not any professional at it.
 
Limit of sadness Rawal bhai..you are surely able to stand with some renowned poets,you are second to none..I really laud your intelligence..brilliant!:)
 
cricket083 said:
Limit of sadness Rawal bhai..you are surely able to stand with some renowned poets,you are second to none..I really laud your intelligence..brilliant!:)
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for such a heart warming response:).
 
A liberated soul

"My beliefs, my Theism,
More questionable than Atheism,
Irrational it sounds,
To believe in a God without bounds......

Humanity, the goal,
A liberated, yet accountable soul, 1
Fearing Him Who cures the ill, 2
I don't steal, I do not kill, 3
Yet I do not stone, being of those who sin, 4
The One, the Eternal, firm is my faith in Him, 5
His are the favours I can't deny, 6
He alone answers my cry,
Physically unreachable, spiritually so nigh."

Completed at 11:08 AM CEST,17th April 2014.

Footnotes:

1. Bhagavad Gita 2:20 (which I believe also establishes the accountibility of the soul given that death is not the end).

2. Qur´an 26:80.

3. Two of the Ten Commandments found in the Torah (Exodus 20:13, Deuteronomy 5:17).

4. "Let him who is without a sin cast the first stone" - Jesus Christ (as documented in John 8).

5. A part of it is found in Qur´an 112.

6. Qur´an 55:13.
 
I tried to dedicate some of my time to poetry and I wrote a poem about my country. As in all cases, I chose a topic on which I would like to write.

Hamara Pyara Watan - Pakistan​

Ye Pakistan hai hamara watan,
hamari ankhoun ka tara watan,
hamara pyara watan!

Hawa mein darakhtoun ka woh jhomna,
woh pataoun ka pholoun ka mounh chomna,
hamara pyara watan!

Isi se hai hamari zindagi mein bahar,
hamein is se hai bohat sa pyar,
hamara pyara watan!

:pakflag2
 
DHONI183 said:
A liberated soul

"My beliefs, my Theism,
More questionable than Atheism,
Irrational it sounds,
To believe in a God without bounds......

Humanity, the goal,
A liberated, yet accountable soul, 1
Fearing Him Who cures the ill, 2
I don't steal, I do not kill, 3
Yet I do not stone, being of those who sin, 4
The One, the Eternal, firm is my faith in Him, 5
His are the favours I can't deny, 6
He alone answers my cry,
Physically unreachable, spiritually so nigh."

Completed at 11:08 AM CEST,17th April 2014.

Footnotes:

1. Bhagavad Gita 2:20 (which I believe also establishes the accountibility of the soul given that death is not the end).

2. Qur´an 26:80.

3. Two of the Ten Commandments found in the Torah (Exodus 20:13, Deuteronomy 5:17).

4. "Let him who is without a sin cast the first stone" - Jesus Christ (as documented in John 8).

5. A part of it is found in Qur´an 112.

6. Qur´an 55:13.
Click to expand...

This is very good rawal I really like the references.
 
Pakistani_Legend said:
I tried to dedicate some of my time to poetry and I wrote a poem about my country. As in all cases, I chose a topic on which I would like to write.

Hamara Pyara Watan - Pakistan​

Ye Pakistan hai hamara watan,
hamari ankhoun ka tara watan,
hamara pyara watan!

Hawa mein darakhtoun ka woh jhomna,
woh pataoun ka pholoun ka mounh chomna,
hamara pyara watan!

Isi se hai hamari zindagi mein bahar,
hamein is se hai bohat sa pyar,
hamara pyara watan!

:pakflag2
Click to expand...

Nice one, kid! Sounded so like those mili naghmey played early in the morning on the Pakistan TV channels. Ah´ good old memories!

Nicely done I say! That "Isi" bit immediately reminded me of the ISI:najam.

dhump said:
This is very good rawal I really like the references.
Click to expand...

Shukran habibi:)!
 
DHONI183 said:
Nice one, kid! Sounded so like those mili naghmey played early in the morning on the Pakistan TV channels. Ah´ good old memories!

Nicely done I say! That "Isi" bit immediately reminded me of the ISI:najam.
Click to expand...

I had the same feeling while writing it.
 
bmA

The sirens are screaming(1)
the seaplants still wailing
the heroes in scuba masks out in force
oxygen better than gold out in the ocean
rescused victim clinging onto foam
soon she's on ths speedboat heading out to shore
on the island, she's sitting, glistening reflection from the waves
using stones to make a fire, , bare bones on the pier(2)
back to norm in the morn, headed back out to sea
glancing nod to the man uncovered from the scuba
he knows she knows of the dangers
and she can't put it off any sooner
the waiting game, tamed or tame
he doesn't beckon to her final call
back out to sea she goes
he knows he'l see her when the tide glows
so they can reconvene their inert fracas
where they both try to break glass(3)
back and fro, nature calls

(1)-Greek mythology
(2)- A way of making fire
(3) Another way of making fire
 
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Pakistani_Legend said:
I tried to dedicate some of my time to poetry and I wrote a poem about my country. As in all cases, I chose a topic on which I would like to write.

Hamara Pyara Watan - Pakistan​

Ye Pakistan hai hamara watan,
hamari ankhoun ka tara watan,
hamara pyara watan!

Hawa mein darakhtoun ka woh jhomna,
woh pataoun ka pholoun ka mounh chomna,
hamara pyara watan!

Isi se hai hamari zindagi mein bahar,
hamein is se hai bohat sa pyar,
hamara pyara watan!

:pakflag2
Click to expand...

You've got some talent mate,really good stuff:14:
 
Here is mine,I shared it on another thread:pRawal bhai knows

Hum dhoondtey hain apne maqsad-e-hayaat ko
Ghafiz hain apni hi zaat say
Phirte hain raat bhar kuch kho gaya to hai
Na jaane kya shay hai jis ko dhondtey hen hum

Another verse

Waqt chalta hai'dortey hain sub aagay ki taraf
Pechlay jo saathi thay onhe kon yaad rakhta hai

Another;-)

Kya zamana aa raha hai kya qadr-o-qeemat hai insaan ki
Izzat ka meyaar ab to dolat sai tolten hai sub
 
cricket083 said:
You've got some talent mate,really good stuff:14:
Click to expand...

Thanks.

cricket083 said:
Here is mine,I shared it on another thread:pRawal bhai knows

Hum dhoondtey hain apne maqsad-e-hayaat ko
Ghafiz hain apni hi zaat say
Phirte hain raat bhar kuch kho gaya to hai
Na jaane kya shay hai jis ko dhondtey hen hum

Another verse

Waqt chalta hai'dortey hain sub aagay ki taraf
Pechlay jo saathi thay onhe kon yaad rakhta hai

Another;-)

Kya zamana aa raha hai kya qadr-o-qeemat hai insaan ki
Izzat ka meyaar ab to dolat sai tolten hai sub
Click to expand...

They are very nice. Good stuff.
 
We've got some talented poets. Wonderful stuff. :14:

I wish I had it in me, but alas.

:allama
 
You may find my poetry earlier in this thread :)
Pity I barely write any more because of exams. Will start soon after exams again IA.
 
Sad that I can't write poetry in urdu due to leaving Pakistan earlier in my life.
 
For long we have slept without a care
It is time to awake, challenge and dare
We live in hope, die in despair
Not all things are beyond repair
There are demons in our minds we need to vanquish
The sooner we realize they will vanish
let's help ourselves and god's creations
To achieve something which will be remembered for generations :)
 
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battler said:
For long we have slept without a care
It is time to awake, challenge and dare
We live in hope, die in despair
Not all things are beyond repair
There are demons in our minds we need to vanquish
The sooner we realize they will vanish
let's help ourselves and god's creations
To achieve something which will be remebered for generations :)
Click to expand...

Brilliant! :14:
 
cricket083 said:
Here is mine,I shared it on another thread:pRawal bhai knows

Hum dhoondtey hain apne maqsad-e-hayaat ko
Ghafiz hain apni hi zaat say
Phirte hain raat bhar kuch kho gaya to hai
Na jaane kya shay hai jis ko dhondtey hen hum

Another verse

Waqt chalta hai'dortey hain sub aagay ki taraf
Pechlay jo saathi thay onhe kon yaad rakhta hai

Another;-)

Kya zamana aa raha hai kya qadr-o-qeemat hai insaan ki
Izzat ka meyaar ab to dolat sai tolten hai sub
Click to expand...

Really impressive Urdu poetry! I aim to be the first one to buy your book.

battler said:
For long we have slept without a care
It is time to awake, challenge and dare
We live in hope, die in despair
Not all things are beyond repair
There are demons in our minds we need to vanquish
The sooner we realize they will vanish
let's help ourselves and god's creations
To achieve something which will be remembered for generations :)
Click to expand...

This is amongst the best pieces that this thread has been graced with:14:. All the verses are so consistent in quality that I can't even pick my favourite part.
 
DHONI183 said:
This is amongst the best pieces that this thread has been graced with:14:. All the verses are so consistent in quality that I can't even pick my favourite part.
Click to expand...

Thanks a ton Rawal bhai :)
My personal favourite is the last line :)
 
battler said:
For long we have slept without a care
It is time to awake, challenge and dare
We live in hope, die in despair
Not all things are beyond repair
There are demons in our minds we need to vanquish
The sooner we realize they will vanish
let's help ourselves and god's creations
To achieve something which will be remembered for generations :)
Click to expand...

Excellent work bro:)
 
cricket083 said:
Thanks bro!

Ask me the words you don't understand..:p

There was a mistake in ghafil though I wrote ghafiz.:D
Click to expand...

Yeah I don't know what is ghafil and maqsad e hayaat.
Maqsad means our mission/goal right? But what is hayaat?
 
I wrote this piece exactly six months ago, but due to some (personal) reasons I couldn´t get my myself to post it here. Now that it´s six months to the day this was dedicated to, I think this is another opportunity for me to post it here. Don´t remember her name, but it has been read and appreciated by a journalist in Australia. Personally, I rate this amongst my works most dear to me for the way it expresses my joy and celebration.

Bouckground (9th January 2014.... ) :

"Dear Rawal,

Many thanks for your support and well wishes. It's truly appreciated!

All the very best, it sounds like you have a great strength of character and strong will to keep making the most of life and all it's situations.

Take care,

Ellyse Perry."

And then......

A messianic message

"Words so comforting, words so brief,
To be celebrated even in grief,
Messianic message; every wound it healed,
Words of strength, for ages they will shield,
To her indeed was everything revealed,
From the beloved can nothing be concealed.

A physical being confined, a soul that flies,
Going through the lows and highs,
On words of love alone it relies.

O` Rawal, get a hold of yourself,
Believe your eyes, Ellyse wrote it herself!
Earth danced, in joy did heavens shed tears,
Challenges await me..... Who cares?
Let me live the day that should last for years!"

Completed at 12:07 PM CET, 16th January 2014.
 
*And the new feature of mentioning users allows me the full freedom to seek as much attention as I want to..... *
[MENTION=14431]blinding light[/MENTION] [MENTION=134963]96NotOut[/MENTION] [MENTION=135402]cricket083[/MENTION] [MENTION=38994]dhump[/MENTION] [MENTION=135578]Pakistani_Legend[/MENTION] [MENTION=132385]Afridi96[/MENTION] [MENTION=134809]sensible-indian-fan[/MENTION] [MENTION=132605]battler[/MENTION] Guys, as promised in the Urdu thread, see the above post:).....
 
Locked away from the rest of the world
In a dirty house that no one wishes to see
once glorious door, now covered in mud
once always open, now only few hold the key

But locked inside is gold and treasure.
All that you'll never get ouside these walls
The things you whine about all the time
but nothing is stoping you from finding the key

Loving and in need.
But a perverted outcast
from the eyes laid on the mud covered door
But if only you get hold of that simple yet magical key

And so what if I had all that I ever need
The qualities everyone claims they want to see
Lies and fabriction for others to feel sympathy
For no one is stopping them from using the key.
 
Thank you, friends:)!

Badsha said:
Locked away from the rest of the world
In a dirty house that no one wishes to see
once glorious door, now covered in mud
once always open, now only few hold the key

But locked inside is gold and treasure.
All that you'll never get ouside these walls
The things you whine about all the time
but nothing is stoping you from finding the key

Loving and in need.
But a perverted outcast
from the eyes laid on the mud covered door
But if only you get hold of that simple yet magical key

And so what if I had all that I ever need
The qualities everyone claims they want to see
Lies and fabriction for others to feel sympathy
For no one is stopping them from using the key.
Click to expand...

Excellent! Very deep mind you. Had to concentrate for 10 minutes. Please tag me the next time you post a poem - I can´t afford to miss it.

Lastly, there are three typos in it:p.
 
That's very nice and deep Rawal bhai:14:,I wish to write something like that when I'll meet JK;-)
 
Bad Guy

Background:
I'm the kind of person to tell it how it is. Please perceive this with your mind, not just your eyes.


'Alpha Charlie we have one suspect reportedly robbing a bank'
Cop cars crawl towards the scene
Sirens ringing through the landscape
Here I am.. I am a mission. I am a missionary. I am a movie
Plotting the great escape.

Helicopters buzzing through air
Hoping foxtrot gets an aerial shot of my next burial plot
'Bravo team, we have spotted one individual running towards the car park'
Cornered and trapped for seven days and seven nights.

Loud as buzz of the siren. A man yells 'You can't run forever...
Screw him. Screw this system. Screw your endeavour.
'You can't run from us, it's over'
Fixed on the rotating blades below New York's skyline
I glance, contemplating my next move.
Close my eyes. Boom. Erupting into a supernova.
Radioactive, Radioactive, oh oh oh oh oh.
NO, NO, NO, that's not it.

Oh wait wait, I have better
Clutched and cocked the gun to head
Panting, 'Tango, he has a gun he has a gun...!'
I close my eyes and envision the story before

Cry of a child resting on the breast of his wife
The agony of anguish and futile
Conformed to crime
Torn to the hands of time
I bid you farewell with this rhyme.
 
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DHONI183 said:
Thank you, friends:)!



Excellent! Very deep mind you. Had to concentrate for 10 minutes. Please tag me the next time you post a poem - I can´t afford to miss it.

Lastly, there are three typos in it:p.
Click to expand...

ghalat baat. :moyo
 
Thanks once again, guys:).

cricket083 said:
That's very nice and deep Rawal bhai:14:,I wish to write something like that when I'll meet JK;-)
Click to expand...
I hope that your dream too comes true, a dream which is equally valuable to [MENTION=134963]96NotOut[/MENTION].

I have composed one covering my first love story as well, around about a year ago.

Badsha said:
ghalat baat. :moyo
Click to expand...

Look brother, I like you, love your poetry, but this shouldn't mean that I should ignore your weak English. In fact, correcting each other builds mutual understanding, friendship and tolerance. I have planned to make deliberate mistakes after marriage so that my wife has a chance to grab me by the ear and correct me all the time.
 
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DHONI183 said:
Thanks once again, guys:).


I hope that your dream too comes true, a dream which is equally valuable to [MENTION=134963]96NotOut[/MENTION].

I have composed one covering my first love story as well, around about a year ago.
Click to expand...

Thanks,Inshaa Allah we both'll meet'im one day:)

And,I am desperate to read that one also:p,please share.
 
DHONI183 said:
Thanks once again, guys:).


I hope that your dream too comes true, a dream which is equally valuable to [MENTION=134963]96NotOut[/MENTION].

I have composed one covering my first love story as well, around about a year ago.



Look brother, I like you, love your poetry, but this shouldn't mean that I should ignore your weak English. In fact, correcting each other builds mutual understanding, friendship and tolerance. I have planned to make deliberate mistakes after marriage so that my wife has a chance to grab me by the ear and correct me all the time.
Click to expand...


I will only accept my mistake if you grab me by the ear as well ;)
 
[MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION] [MENTION=135402]cricket083[/MENTION] [MENTION=134963]96NotOut[/MENTION] [MENTION=74419]Badsha[/MENTION] [MENTION=135578]Pakistani_Legend[/MENTION]

Hey bros, could you guys please give me any feedback or critique on my piece. I'm really enthusiastic about writing and looking to develop over the coming months.

Thanks.
 
Kiri said:
[MENTION=6745]DHONI183[/MENTION] [MENTION=135402]cricket083[/MENTION] [MENTION=134963]96NotOut[/MENTION] [MENTION=74419]Badsha[/MENTION] [MENTION=135578]Pakistani_Legend[/MENTION]

Hey bros, could you guys please give me any feedback or critique on my piece. I'm really enthusiastic about writing and looking to develop over the coming months.

Thanks.
Click to expand...


It's really good :) Do you have some past experiences or something which inspired this poem?


BTW: My piece was about those of us who are really good people but don't socialize that much .. sort of like that
 
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