The complexity of getting married

[sensible-indian-fan]

She is a heavy twitter user. I read her tweets daily and have got a good understand of her personality.

I also like a challenge.

Oh...cool.

Maybe a bit more effort to know her (by actually talking to her) would help you understand her better.

All the best, bud.

 

[lilFlip]

what a thread!!

Your thread reminded for me this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icmRCixQrx8

I'd give you some advice but I too am unmarried atm

 

[waqar goraya]

1. Yes, tastes and opinions are hard to match which is why many use that to make their final choice (thinking that a person with a similar tastes and opinions is compatible). That's one of the big reasons for marriage problems these days.

2. Yes, absolute compatibility or incompatibility is hard to find. That's why you go for a person whose needle points towards absolute compatibility as much as possible.

That's all i said. Compromise and understanding.

 

[sensible-indian-fan]

That's all i said. Compromise and understanding.

I agree. Maybe we were just arguing semantics.

 

[LooneyReturns]

We have hardly talked, she seems a bit reserved to me.

Since my parents divorced when I was 2, I have lived away from my Father's family for most of my life. Only 6/7 years ago, I started to mingle with them and so far I haven't had the chance to get along with her much because we meet on special occasions mostly and she's with her other cousin friends etc.

Her father and mine are excellent friends while her mother and my father are first cousins. Also, her elder sister is married to my first cousin.

My parents are gonna ask about my preference in due time and indirectly/directly, I would point them in her direction but obviously, I fear rejection.

If you are a doctor , you have nothing to fear from Pakistani parents .

 

[LooneyReturns]

She is a heavy twitter user. I read her tweets daily and have got a good understand of her personality.

I also like a challenge.

Women will always be a challenge no matter how nice and ghareloo they act . Might as well go for the one that`s easy on the eyes .

 

[Pakistani_Legend]

Its not incest at all and it perfectly normal, however it has genetic complications which second cousins marriages don't.

OK, I agree.

 

[DHONI183]

The complexity of getting married.

Mamoon bhai, this whole thing regarding your second cousin is not easy.

Think of some childhood story to win her: did you ever step on a firecracker so that it doesn´t explode when she is near? Or like, saying that it was you who beat up the neighbour´s child instead of her to save her? Or gave her the only chocolate available, whilst innocently claiming that "I wouldn´t be able to digest it by keeping you hungry"? Or kicked away the neighbour´s remote control car just as it was about to crash into her feet (already wearing a sandal) Or caught fever just because the teacher scolded her for not doing her homework? Think of such cute past anecdotes. Thanks.

May God be the Guardian of you and your crush. Amen!

 

[Mamoon]

) ) )

Watching too many Bollywood flicks, are you?

I can make her a painting, but it would be incredibly cheesy.

 

[battler]

Mamoon bhai, this whole thing regarding your second cousin is not easy.

Think of some childhood story to win her: did you ever step on a firecracker so that it doesn´t explode when she is near? Or like, saying that it was you who beat up the neighbour´s child instead of her to save her? Or gave her the only chocolate available, whilst innocently claiming that "I wouldn´t be able to digest it by keeping you hungry"? Or kicked away the neighbour´s remote control car just as it was about to crash into her feet (already wearing a sandal) Or caught fever just because the teacher scolded her for not doing her homework? Think of such cute past anecdotes. Thanks.

May God be the Guardian of you and your crush. Amen!

) )
And also whether he has protected her from the evil intentions of a few goons

 

[Nostalgic]

The complexity of getting married.

If you are a doctor , you have nothing to fear from Pakistani parents .

Doctors graduating with MBBS degrees, that is.

Veterinarians (dangar dactars), homoeopaths, hakeems, roadside dentists and back-alley quacks specializing in "secret" diseases, not so much.


____________________
Say NO to Mullah Raj

 

[waqar goraya]

) ) )

Watching too many Bollywood flicks, are you?

I can make her a painting, but it would be incredibly cheesy.

Now, that would be too good and even more filmy. You are exceptional at that.

But i think after a brief conversation you could easily have an idea how she perceives you, and probably you already know that.

 

[DHONI183]

The complexity of getting married.

) ) )

Watching too many Bollywood flicks, are you?

I can make her a painting, but it would be incredibly cheesy.

Okay fine, make a Hollywood move: make paintings like those of Jack Dawson of 'Titanic' (1997), present them to her, she will take you as a pervert! Hollywood is simply not practical, mainly given the cultural differences.

) )
And also whether he has protected her from the evil intentions of a few goons

This can still be planned: give some money to five-six guys and get the job done. But, yes, here´s a twist: get beaten up instead of beating them. Instead of sending them to the hospital, the joy of being visited by her at the hospital is just beyond descriptions! Constantly uttering "Ouch!" and yet saying, "Ah´ no worries, I was just being a good citizen."

You see, girls don´t necessarily like wrestlers, aggressive and brave guys. In my case for example, the first time a girl fell in love with me was only because I hugged her as an earthquake hit our school building (drill machine in fact, as a few workers were doing some work in the next classroom). She found it sweet and cute!

Making girls love me has never been a problem, it´s just that their parents aren´t willing to give their daughter to a coward like me.

 

[hamzie]

tell your 2nd cousin you want her and you need her.. and you want her right now.. you want her to make you a sandwich

IN for sure

 

[sensible-indian-fan]

This can still be planned: give some money to five-six guys and get the job done. But, yes, here´s a twist: get beaten up instead of beating them. Instead of sending them to the hospital, the joy of being visited by her at the hospital is just beyond descriptions! Constantly uttering "Ouch!" and yet saying, "Ah´ no worries, I was just being a good citizen."

You see, girls don´t necessarily like wrestlers, aggressive and brave guys. In my case for example, the first time a girl fell in love with me was only because I hugged her as an earthquake hit our school building (drill machine in fact, as a few workers were doing some work in the next classroom). She found it sweet and cute!

Making girls love me has never been a problem, it´s just that their parents aren´t willing to give their daughter to a coward like me.

Haha...

Dude come to India and create a Bollywood spoof.

You will make a great movie plus make lots of money for yourself.

Then parents won't have problems giving you their girls and the girls sure won't have problems cos they already love you.

 

[bigdaddymiandad]

Getting married at an early age is such a waste of your life. Get well established first study hard, try and land a stable job/career, travel, enjoy life with friends. Don't get married until you are really sure you are ready to. This does not mean you cant have a girlfriend though.

 

[Mamoon]

Dangar doctors.

 

[Saqs]

Re: The complexity of getting married.

The first marriage is overrated. Just like high school results.

It's the subsequent marriages and liaisons that are truly worth your while.

 

[from_da_lost_dim3nsion]

There is no way Mamoon is 22. Has to be an uncle with a lot of time on his hands.

 

[Mamoon]

I am 22, although a tad too intelligent for my age and exquisitely skilled at multitasking which is a left handed trait anyway.

 

[Donal Cozzie]

tell your 2nd cousin you want her and you need her.. and you want her right now.. you want her to make you a sandwich

IN for sure

Oh man im in stitches reading that. How could she resist??

 

[Azzurri]

I Think it will be difficult for me to share my bed with someone else

 

[Donal Cozzie]

Mamoon im sure if you walk up to her with a George Foreman grill she'd throw herself at you instantly

 

[Mamoon]

^ I don't like sandwiches.

 

[Saqs]

Re: The complexity of getting married.

There is no way Mamoon is 22. Has to be an uncle with a lot of time on his hands.

So if he is 22, that would mean he is born in 1992 (I'm awesome at Maths, it's how I get all the girls)

If he is 92 born, there's no way he could have seen the likes of Ambrose bowl for most of his career seeing as it ended in 2000. Or if he did there's no way he'd remember it enough (he'd be 8 years old by the time Ambrose played his last test) to analyse and comment on his career.

So either he is not 22 and he actually is an uncle.

Or he didn't watch Ambrose play through most of his career.

 

[Mamoon]

So if he is 22, that would mean he is born in 1992 (I'm awesome at Maths, it's how I get all the girls)

If he is 92 born, there's no way he could have seen the likes of Ambrose bowl for most of his career seeing as it ended in 2000. Or if he did there's no way he'd remember it enough (he'd be 8 years old by the time Ambrose played his last test) to analyse and comment on his career.

So either he is not 22 and he actually is an uncle.

Or he didn't watch Ambrose play through most of his career.

19th October, 1991.

I have sharp memory, remember everything around 97-98. Missed out his peak though.

 

[Taarabt]

It is not too complex

Try shaadi.com, madrasmatrimony, formerlyChennaiMatrimony, gujuratiMatrimony .coms

 

[waqar goraya]

Ok, Mamoon update us if you make any advancement.

 

[blinding light]

You think the prospect of marriage is complex for guys (perhaps, more accurately, the process of your wooing your second cousin?) - I'd say it's way harder for girls. Way harder.

No matter how this thing is internalised by girls, just the thought of what had been your home, your comfort zone all your life is now transformed into an external "maika". How girls are not only expected to change their very conception of what home is, but to adjust to a completely new lifestyle where they have to deal with multiple variables (e.g change in relations, from cousin to wife, from just another girl to 'khandaan ki bahu') etc PLUS manage/internalise all those relations whilst battling with the smallest of things that can alienate them ("why was my husband so quiet today?")???

All whilst pining for the olden, pre-marriage ways?

Bro - I think girls have to deal with way more complex issues than 'oh someone is gonna share my room now and take care of me - how complex and disturbing!' - mentality that is reflected in certain posts here.

PS - I think I laughed out loud for 5 minutes straight at that dangar daaktar comment ) )

 

[Electron]

Marriage is indeed a perplexing thought. Hurrying into marriage can do irreparable damage to one's life in my opinion. Specially now when people actually study quite late into their 20s, marriage at 25 shouldn't even be a thought (specially for people from subcontinent). One bad move and you are doomed for life.

 

[LooneyReturns]

Re: The complexity of getting married.

Doctors graduating with MBBS degrees, that is.

Veterinarians (dangar dactars), homoeopaths, hakeems, roadside dentists and back-alley quacks specializing in "secret" diseases, not so much.


____________________
Say NO to Mullah Raj

What about the " media doctors " like dr aamir liaquat , dr shahid masood , dr tahir ul qadri , etc

 

[Poison]

19th October, 1991.

I have sharp memory, remember everything around 97-98. Missed out his peak though.

Yeah sorry m8, I'm your age and you didn't see Ambrose at his prime.

 

[Poison]

Lol also do you live in Pakistan?

If so I understand the desire to get married relatively early (22). Marriage is something wayyyyyyy far away on the horizon, prepare to be under lock and key for life homeboy.

 

[Mamoon]

Yeah I didn't. How can I when I was a kid at that time?

 

[Mamoon]

Yes I do and I don't have the desire to get married early. Well at least not in the near future but I am not a fan of having kids at an old age. My father is 61 now and I'm 22. That's a big age gap.

I believe one should get married at the age of 27-28 and be done with kids by the age of 32 so that you are in good shape when your kids grow up so that you can nurture them and lead the way.

 

[DHONI183]

The complexity of getting married.

Haha...

Dude come to India and create a Bollywood spoof.

You will make a great movie plus make lots of money for yourself.

Then parents won't have problems giving you their girls and the girls sure won't have problems cos they already love you.

Cool idea. Into it, script getting readified! I hope I will become a brave man as well with time and change myself.

You think the prospect of marriage is complex for guys (perhaps, more accurately, the process of your wooing your second cousin?) - I'd say it's way harder for girls. Way harder.

No matter how this thing is internalised by girls, just the thought of what had been your home, your comfort zone all your life is now transformed into an external "maika". How girls are not only expected to change their very conception of what home is, but to adjust to a completely new lifestyle where they have to deal with multiple variables (e.g change in relations, from cousin to wife, from just another girl to 'khandaan ki bahu') etc PLUS manage/internalise all those relations whilst battling with the smallest of things that can alienate them ("why was my husband so quiet today?")???

All whilst pining for the olden, pre-marriage ways?

Bro - I think girls have to deal with way more complex issues than 'oh someone is gonna share my room now and take care of me - how complex and disturbing!' - mentality that is reflected in certain posts here.

PS - I think I laughed out loud for 5 minutes straight at that dangar daaktar comment ) )

Top post, perhaps the best in this thread! It´s way tougher for girls, mainly in our culture. From being daddy´s girl to being your mother-in-law´s punching bag (not in all cases of course).

"Why was my husband so quiet today?" - it may sound crazy, but this is such an accurate mention! Women in general tend to worry a lot about these little things, because for them they are not just little things, being mainly responsible to run the house and the family.

 

[Mamoon]

I think you can get away with a lot of things if you are a girl, even if you are uneducated or something when it comes to finding a life partner.

 

[sensible-indian-fan]

You think the prospect of marriage is complex for guys (perhaps, more accurately, the process of your wooing your second cousin?) - I'd say it's way harder for girls. Way harder.

No matter how this thing is internalised by girls, just the thought of what had been your home, your comfort zone all your life is now transformed into an external "maika". How girls are not only expected to change their very conception of what home is, but to adjust to a completely new lifestyle where they have to deal with multiple variables (e.g change in relations, from cousin to wife, from just another girl to 'khandaan ki bahu') etc PLUS manage/internalise all those relations whilst battling with the smallest of things that can alienate them ("why was my husband so quiet today?")???

All whilst pining for the olden, pre-marriage ways?

Bro - I think girls have to deal with way more complex issues than 'oh someone is gonna share my room now and take care of me - how complex and disturbing!' - mentality that is reflected in certain posts here.

PS - I think I laughed out loud for 5 minutes straight at that dangar daaktar comment ) )

Brilliantly put.

true.

Girls have it harder. Their whole world changes when they go to live with their in laws and husband

 

[kaayal]

I think you can get away with a lot of things if you are a girl, even if you are uneducated or something when it comes to finding a life partner.

Care to explain.

 

[Mamoon]

Care to explain.

If you are from a good and rich family, and have a modest reputation, a lot of people won't care about your education because you are not going to earn a living, just provide a good family environment.

If you are a guy and even if you are from a rich and powerful family, unless you have a good qualification and job, its hard. Not always but most of the times because you are going to be the bread earner of the family.

 

[kaayal]

What about a girl who have higher aims and her life is totally distracted by placing her in the middle of a whole new family?

 

[Mamoon]

What about a girl who have higher aims and her life is totally distracted by placing her in the middle of a whole new family?

She can tell her family that she doesn't want to get married.

 

[sensible-indian-fan]

If you are from a good and rich family, and have a modest reputation, a lot of people won't care about your education because you are not going to earn a living, just provide a good family environment.

If you are a guy and even if you are from a rich and powerful family, unless you have a good qualification and job, its hard. Not always but most of the times because you are going to be the bread earner of the family.

The problems for guys are more only before a marriage.

But once its over, its the girls who have to do major sacrifices and stuff to run a family.

A guy just has to cross the marriage hurdle and then can carry on with his life as before.

 

[kaayal]

Marriage is necessary unless you are going for a Salman khan type life style . It's an important social construct. We can't run away from it.

 

[Mamoon]

She is so addicted to Twitter.

 

[Mamoon]

The problems for guys are more only before a marriage.

But once its over, its the girls who have to do major sacrifices and stuff to run a family.

A guy just has to cross the marriage hurdle and then can carry on with his life as before.

True to an extent, but there are plenty of responsibilities still.

 

[blinding light]

Thanks Dhoni183, sensible_indian_fan!

I think you can get away with a lot of things if you are a girl, even if you are uneducated or something when it comes to finding a life partner.

If you are from a good and rich family, and have a modest reputation, a lot of people won't care about your education because you are not going to earn a living, just provide a good family environment.

If you are a guy and even if you are from a rich and powerful family, unless you have a good qualification and job, its hard. Not always but most of the times because you are going to be the bread earner of the family.

Irrespective of level of education or status, the prospect of leaving home, shifting elsewhere to make a "new home" with uncertainty plaguing you every step of the journey is a massive deal for every female.

I'm about your age. My elder sister isn't married yet, so thank God I'm not in "anyone's eyes" atm (hopefully). I find the prospect of marriage downright scary, to be very honest and frank. I think it takes a whole lot of guts to tear yourself apart from your home and give yourself up to a life beginning with uncertainty of the base of your relationship with one's spouse and in-laws - and then its highs and lows, the family politics, all that stuff (btw - uneducated people have to suffer hear about the dowry all the time too, which I'm not even taking into account here). I've never discussed this with my mother, but I'm sure she'll be apalled to hear my views on marriage - but its the truth.

And believe me, guys from rich families/well-off fathers (even if they are the biggest nikammay themselves) have no problem finding brides. And usually, they get decent, well-educated ladies as their spouses. Only that they are then stuck in an even worse married life, where fam. politics rule and they have no decent standing in the house.

Also - if anyone has ever seen this old drama serial Durr-e-Shehwar. Aired back in 2010-11 I guess. I hated it at that time, but my mother used to watch it religiously - and they've just started repeating it now, and I realise what a gem of a serial it is. It's a tad slow, but I think it documents a bride's predicaments brilliantly, before juxtaposing it with the story of a "modern-day working woman" trying to balance work, marriage and family (whilst almost failing in the process).

 

[kaayal]

Nicely put blinding light. Nothing more to say.

 

[Mamoon]

Thanks Dhoni183, sensible_indian_fan!





Irrespective of level of education or status, the prospect of leaving home, shifting elsewhere to make a "new home" with uncertainty plaguing you every step of the journey is a massive deal for every female.

I'm about your age. My elder sister isn't married yet, so thank God I'm not in "anyone's eyes" atm (hopefully). I find the prospect of marriage downright scary, to be very honest and frank. I think it takes a whole lot of guts to tear yourself apart from your home and give yourself up to a life beginning with uncertainty of the base of your relationship with one's spouse and in-laws - and then its highs and lows, the family politics, all that stuff (btw - uneducated people have to suffer hear about the dowry all the time too, which I'm not even taking into account here). I've never discussed this with my mother, but I'm sure she'll be apalled to hear my views on marriage - but its the truth.

And believe me, guys from rich families/well-off fathers (even if they are the biggest nikammay themselves) have no problem finding brides. And usually, they get decent, well-educated ladies as their spouses. Only that they are then stuck in an even worse married life, where fam. politics rule and they have no decent standing in the house.

Also - if anyone has ever seen this old drama serial Durr-e-Shehwar. Aired back in 2010-11 I guess. I hated it at that time, but my mother used to watch it religiously - and they've just started repeating it now, and I realise what a gem of a serial it is. It's a tad slow, but I think it documents a bride's predicaments brilliantly, before juxtaposing it with the story of a "modern-day working woman" trying to balance work, marriage and family (whilst almost failing in the process).

A lot of guys get away with it because of their families true but I wasn't speaking in absolute terms. The ratio of guys getting away with lack of proper education is quite low compared to girls simply because of the respective roles, post marriage. Now of course unless you want a working wife.

Yes, the idea of leaving home and adjusting to a new evironment is pretty daunting but that's the way of life.

 

[blinding light]

Thanks kaayal!

A lot of guys get away with it because of their families true but I wasn't speaking in absolute terms. The ratio of guys getting away with lack of proper education is quite low compared to girls simply because of the respective roles, post marriage. Now of course unless you want a working wife.

Yes, the idea of leaving home and adjusting to a new evironment is pretty daunting but that's the way of life.

As it should be for guys as well.

But "success" is really not the benchmark for eligibility for marriage, imo. Any reasonable father can willingly marry off his daughter to someone who may not be successful (in terms of having a separate home, healthy bank balance, motor car etc) - but is capable and willing to work hard and earning those material benchmarks..

If girls are required to topple their worlds upside down for the sake of marriage (as per society's rules), then the guy can at least show the dedication and will to work hard and provide for her/him/his-future-family (again, as per society's rules).

If I set it out, the girl has to battle a variety of emotional battles within and outside of herself, but those are limited to her conception of home and her adjustment to the new roles she is allotted. This, I believe is way more complex and resounding than a guy working hard to succeed (which, I feel, is the norm in Pakistan. Majority of the population is extremely competitive, and is competing for few top-level spots). I'm not saying the guy's work is not hard, or lengthy by any means - just that it in no way carries the same level of emotional complexity that the bride has to face on a continual basis.

Unless you're referring to some other form of complexity, I don't see how men's role is more complex than women's in the case of marriage.

 

[DHONI183]

The complexity of getting married.

Irrespective of level of education or status, the prospect of leaving home, shifting elsewhere to make a "new home" with uncertainty plaguing you every step of the journey is a massive deal for every female.

I think it takes a whole lot of guts to tear yourself apart from your home and give yourself up to a life beginning with uncertainty of the base of your relationship with one's spouse and in-laws - and then its highs and lows, the family politics, all that stuff.

I'm not saying the guy's work is not hard, or lengthy by any means - just that it in no way carries the same level of emotional complexity that the bride has to face on a continual basis.

Wow, brilliant quotes! There´s nothing better than a person being able to get his/her point across in such an accurate and eloquent manner!

 

[Mamoon]

Thanks kaayal!



As it should be for guys as well.

But "success" is really not the benchmark for eligibility for marriage, imo. Any reasonable father can willingly marry off his daughter to someone who may not be successful (in terms of having a separate home, healthy bank balance, motor car etc) - but is capable and willing to work hard and earning those material benchmarks..

If girls are required to topple their worlds upside down for the sake of marriage (as per society's rules), then the guy can at least show the dedication and will to work hard and provide for her/him/his-future-family (again, as per society's rules).

If I set it out, the girl has to battle a variety of emotional battles within and outside of herself, but those are limited to her conception of home and her adjustment to the new roles she is allotted. This, I believe is way more complex and resounding than a guy working hard to succeed (which, I feel, is the norm in Pakistan. Majority of the population is extremely competitive, and is competing for few top-level spots). I'm not saying the guy's work is not hard, or lengthy by any means - just that it in no way carries the same level of emotional complexity that the bride has to face on a continual basis.

Unless you're referring to some other form of complexity, I don't see how men's role is more complex than women's in the case of marriage.

I agree that the emotional adjustment that a girl faces is the biggest challenge of marriage. However, this is not about that, its about the difficulty of finding a life partner; not post-marriage life. Your points are completely valid, but not relevant to the topic.

In our society and culture, its easier for a girl to get married rather than a guy.

 

[waqar goraya]

I agree that the emotional adjustment that a girl faces is the biggest challenge of marriage. However, this is not about that, its about the difficulty of finding a life partner; not post-marriage life. Your points are completely valid, but not relevant to the topic.

In our society and culture, its easier for a girl to get married rather than a guy.

You ought to say "earlier not easier".

One chief reason is that parents want to marry their daughter at a young age and don't want her to find a job/livelihood.

Example : In medical institutions almost 75 percent students are female but many of them don't practice medicine and become housewives rather than doctors.

Marriage stage comes earlier in their lives, it does not mean that it is any easier though.

 

[blinding light]

Dhoni183, you are too kind!

I agree that the emotional adjustment that a girl faces is the biggest challenge of marriage. However, this is not about that, its about the difficulty of finding a life partner; not post-marriage life. Your points are completely valid, but not relevant to the topic.

In our society and culture, its easier for a girl to get married rather than a guy.

Whaaat? What makes you say that? Guys find it hard to marry just because of job qualifications?

You are gravely mistaken, my friend. If anything, its incredibly hard to find a suitable spouse for both guys and girls. Dont know the situation in Peshawar, but things are becoming weird in Lahore, in this respect. You'd be surprised at the demands of "larkay-walay" these days. From wanting a Bollywood-esque beauty to giving up education/being a masters yet not be older than 21

Which is why recently love-first-arranged-marriages are on the rise these days. The entire rishta-hunt culture is becoming too weird and lowly for decent people to continue with. Though this is perhaps a greater risk.

Nevertheless, your line of thought is still refreshing, Mamoon. Its nice to see how here are people out there who believe they need to be someone/something before taking on the married life.

 

[waqar goraya]

If a boy has an okay look but a good job then he can be accepted but if a girl has some problem with her nose or complexion then she could find it tough.

 

[Mamoon]

Dhoni183, you are too kind!



Whaaat? What makes you say that? Guys find it hard to marry just because of job qualifications?

You are gravely mistaken, my friend. If anything, its incredibly hard to find a suitable spouse for both guys and girls. Dont know the situation in Peshawar, but things are becoming weird in Lahore, in this respect. You'd be surprised at the demands of "larkay-walay" these days. From wanting a Bollywood-esque beauty to giving up education/being a masters yet not be older than 21

Which is why recently love-first-arranged-marriages are on the rise these days. The entire rishta-hunt culture is becoming too weird and lowly for decent people to continue with. Though this is perhaps a greater risk.

Nevertheless, your line of thought is still refreshing, Mamoon. Its nice to see how here are people out there who believe they need to be someone/something before taking on the married life.

Demands are always there and the biggest demand is the looks of the girl, and its pretty much the same in the whole country. It also depends on person to person. I know some people who wanted a girl for their son and they had the most ridiculous demands, from being XYZ tall and having dark brown hair and etc etc.

But on the whole, its still relatively easier for girls to find a spouse compared to a guy and I mean "relatively" because no doubt that this whole "rishta hunt" as you said is getting very complicated.

 

[Mamoon]

If a boy has an okay look but a good job then he can be accepted but if a girl has some problem with her nose or complexion then she could find it tough.

Yeah but that's not a definite problem. An unemployed guy is a much more concrete problem.

 

[Aman]

OP needs to man up and ask his cousin out...

 

[waqar goraya]

Yeah but that's not a definite problem. An unemployed guy is a much more concrete problem.

Looks are not under her or any one's control , physique is largely natural.

But to achieve certain skill set or education is largely dependent on personal efforts if you have just enough resources.

So, girls get rejected for the thing which is out of their control i.e physical beauty but boys find it difficult for the reason for which they are very much responsible.

 

[Mamoon]

Looks are not under her or any one's control , physique is largely natural.

But to achieve certain skill set or education is largely dependent on personal efforts if you have just enough resources.

So, girls get rejected for the thing which is out of their control i.e physical beauty but boys find it difficult for the reason for which they are very much responsible.

Its a very unethical reason to reject a proposal but surely you will find someone who will accept you regardless and you won't be taunted for being a lafanga.

 

[Mamoon]

OP needs to man up and ask his cousin out...

What's a good idea for a first date and how should I ask her out?

 

[Aman]

What's a good idea for a first date and how should I ask her out?

Depends on what type of girl she is, is she a romantic girly girl or a tom boy?

 

[Mamoon]

Not the emotional type, I'd say she is 70% tom boy and 30% girly.

 

[Aman]

Not the emotional type, I'd say she is 70% tom boy and 30% girly.

Idk why not just ask her where she wants to go?

 

[kaayal]

You are just 22 mamoon. There are plenty of other things to worry about than marriage and relationships.

 

[waqar goraya]

Its a very unethical reason to reject a proposal but surely you will find someone who will accept you regardless and you won't be taunted for being a lafanga.

So, you see it is not much easier for girls either.

 

[Mamoon]

So, you see it is not much easier for girls either.

"Relatively" easier compared to guys. In general, getting married is a difficult thing to pull off.

 

[Mamoon]

You are just 22 mamoon. There are plenty of other things to worry about than marriage and relationships.

My brother is getting married in December and I've witnessed the whole process which is definitely very uncomfortable. I remember the day when our parents went to the girl's house and he was sitting home, red faced nervous wreck.

 

[Mamoon]

Idk why not just ask her where she wants to go?

"Where" is the second stage.

 

[waqar goraya]

What's a good idea for a first date and how should I ask her out?

Dating within family is not a good idea before marriage.

What if your or her parents don't agree to your marriage after 5 years of dating and friendship?

 

[Aman]

"Where" is the second stage.

Asking her out is the simple bit.

Just go up to her and ask

 

[waqar goraya]

"Relatively" easier compared to guys. In general, getting married is a difficult thing to pull off.

Ok, i leave it to you to derive any conclusion.

To me its earlier than easier.

 

[amax]

My brother is getting married in December and I've witnessed the whole process which is definitely very uncomfortable. I remember the day when our parents went to the girl's house and he was sitting home, red faced nervous wreck.

all such complexities involving traditional marriage ;life time bonds , than so called moral responsibility to produce/ raise kids at any cost, whole army of new relatives out of nowhere etc is big turnoff for me, therefore I am in favour of flexible relationships of different degrees with traditional marriage like relationship as the highest degree in place of traditional marriage , this is quite workable if both of the partners involved are intellectually and economically independent etc.

 

[96NotOut]

You think the prospect of marriage is complex for guys (perhaps, more accurately, the process of your wooing your second cousin?) - I'd say it's way harder for girls. Way harder.

No matter how this thing is internalised by girls, just the thought of what had been your home, your comfort zone all your life is now transformed into an external "maika". How girls are not only expected to change their very conception of what home is, but to adjust to a completely new lifestyle where they have to deal with multiple variables (e.g change in relations, from cousin to wife, from just another girl to 'khandaan ki bahu') etc PLUS manage/internalise all those relations whilst battling with the smallest of things that can alienate them ("why was my husband so quiet today?")???

All whilst pining for the olden, pre-marriage ways?

Bro - I think girls have to deal with way more complex issues than 'oh someone is gonna share my room now and take care of me - how complex and disturbing!' - mentality that is reflected in certain posts here.

PS - I think I laughed out loud for 5 minutes straight at that dangar daaktar comment ) )

Brrriiillliantly put!

I'm a girl and could not have put it better myself.

What's worse is what the society expects from a girl, not only must she be exceedingly beautiful (as if all those potential husbands could rival IK's looks), but she has to be ghareloo, must be willing to compromise on EVERYTHING, must be nice and God knows what. Oh, and she has to be a doctor or the deal's off.

How pathetic.

Most aunties think their kids are angels and the daughter in law to be is going the cause of all the trouble to come, from a quiet beta to faulty Internet and everything in between, blame it on her.

 

[kaayal]

Brrriiillliantly put!

I'm a girl and could not have put it better myself.

What's worse is what the society expects from a girl, not only must she be exceedingly beautiful (as if all those potential husbands could rival IK's looks), but she has to be ghareloo, must be willing to compromise on EVERYTHING, must be nice and God knows what. Oh, and she has to be a doctor or the deal's off.

How pathetic.

Most aunties think their kids are angels and the daughter in law to be is going the cause of all the trouble to come, from a quiet beta to faulty Internet and everything in between, blame it on her.

Lol the IK part made me chuckle.

 

[blinding light]

I know right, 96NotOut!! theres a special placr in hell for those aunties who reject a girl for not being an Aishwariya Rai, while their own sons are literally lafangay and cheap (often horrid-looking themselves!)

No, mamoon - that might be minor discomfort when you are waiting for a reply to a proposal.. But girls parading around, forcing to be amicable, serving tea, whilst being bombarded with questions like "what is your height beta? What is your weight beta?" is infinitely more humiliating.

Which is why most parents prefer marrying their daughters off to someone they know/extended relative/family-friend or sth to save them from this humiliation.

 

[Nostalgic]

But girls parading around, forcing to be amicable, serving tea, whilst being bombarded with questions like "what is your height beta? What is your weight beta?" is infinitely more humiliating.

A guy two years my senior at university went with his parents to "see" a girl. The girl walked in, rolling that tea trolley thing. He accepted the cup of tea, but then also helped himself to five biscuits, and proceeded to dunk the biscuits in the tea. The last one disintegrated in the tea.

Needless to say, he was rejected. And since people knew people who knew the girl, the news spread throughout campus.

Not relevant to this discussion, but the girl serving tea comment reminded me of it. Also there's a lesson here: when you're "seeing" a girl, go easy on the goodies accompanying the tea. And never, repeat, never, dunk the biscuits.


____________________
Say NO to Mullah Raj

 

[sensible-indian-fan]

Brrriiillliantly put!

I'm a girl and could not have put it better myself.

You are a girl?

You being a cricket and football fan, I thought otherwise (pardon my prejudice).

Am surprised to be honest.

That's a unique combo.

 

[sensible-indian-fan]

A guy two years my senior at university went with his parents to "see" a girl. The girl walked in, rolling that tea trolley thing. He accepted the cup of tea, but then also helped himself to five biscuits, and proceeded to dunk the biscuits in the tea. The last one disintegrated in the tea.

Needless to say, he was rejected. And since people knew people who knew the girl, the news spread throughout campus.

Not relevant to this discussion, but the girl serving tea comment reminded me of it. Also there's a lesson here: when you're "seeing" a girl, go easy on the goodies accompanying the tea. And never, repeat, never, dunk the biscuits.

 

[kaayal]

I know right, 96NotOut!! theres a special placr in hell for those aunties who reject a girl for not being an Aishwariya Rai, while their own sons are literally lafangay and cheap (often horrid-looking themselves!)

No, mamoon - that might be minor daiscomfort when you are waiting for a reply to a proposal.. But girls parading around, forcing to be amicable, serving tea, whilst being bombarded with questions like "what is your height beta? Whaat is your weight beta?" is infinitely more humiliating.

Which is why most parents prefer marrying their daughters off to someone they know/extended relative/family-friend or sth to save them from this humiliation.

Thank God I escaped this humiliation,even though my husband is not from my family.