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What are your opinions on relationships where the man is younger than the woman?

hadi123

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In most relationships/marriages, the two involved people are either very similar age, or the man is a few years older. Especially in Desi Culture, it's extremely rare for the woman to be older than the husband.

What are your opinions on this? Do you think relationships, especially in our culture, can work where the female is a few years older than the male?
 
Lol my parents feel uncomfortable when they found out I had dinner with a girl my age or a little younger than me. You can forget about them tolerating someone older than me
 
Awkward.

It may work for some tho. It all depends on the people involved in the relationship.

The most successful relationships I personally know consist of the men being older (4-10years) than women. There are always exceptions, of course.
 
No offense to aunties but most desi girl turn into Aunties after first child :)

Probably will get this comment deleted

Man, age is just a number.
 
No issue at all even if the woman is 10 years older as long as she is attractive enough and has a good personality.
 
Shouldn’t be a problem but there is a biological reason to why most men marry women that are younger than them.

Most men tend to be most desirable in their early 30s (financial stability, status, maturity etc) while women tend to be most desirable in their early 20s when their beauty is at it’s peak.
 
My ex was almost 10 years older than me. And we dated for 9 years on and off. But age does come in to play at some point of time. Differences of priorities is what makes a big difference.
 
My ex was almost 10 years older than me. And we dated for 9 years on and off. But age does come in to play at some point of time. Differences of priorities is what makes a big difference.

How old were you when you started to date?

and did your ex know you were dating? Just kidding :)
 
No offense to aunties but most desi girl turn into Aunties after first child :)

Probably will get this comment deleted

Man, age is just a number.

Have to agree with this. If your spouse is not into dieting, fitness and keeping herself in shape, she is going to become fat.

My bhabi had twins and is now obese. A few months ago she told her folks that she wanted a divorce from my elder brother and she claimed he doesn't really love her and looking at her physical state, the fact she was never attractive and is always nagging and bossy as if she is a film star, I was like no wonder.

Hence why I am nervous as hell giving a chance to a girl who isn't physically very attractive but am under pressure from relatives given my family situation, age and now testing the feeling that looks aren't the only thing
 
Have to agree with this. If your spouse is not into dieting, fitness and keeping herself in shape, she is going to become fat.

My bhabi had twins and is now obese. A few months ago she told her folks that she wanted a divorce from my elder brother and she claimed he doesn't really love her and looking at her physical state, the fact she was never attractive and is always nagging and bossy as if she is a film star, I was like no wonder.

Hence why I am nervous as hell giving a chance to a girl who isn't physically very attractive but am under pressure from relatives given my family situation, age and now testing the feeling that looks aren't the only thing

I like your posts but your posts on marriage and women always seem like 19th centurish
 
I like your posts but your posts on marriage and women always seem like 19th centurish

Yes. I have found them to be very judgemental vis a vis women, especially for somebody brought up in the west.
 
Be the 21st centurish man and marry an obese auntie in her 40s.

Don't forget to tag me when you flex your vida loca with the auntie tho!


:yk

There are lot of guys that prefer women to be emotionally mature and also my point was on him being nervous to give a chance to a girl who is not physically attractive in his opinion..
 
People make a good point about the physicalities. Obviously, if the woman is older, then there is a limit to when they can have babies, so that could be a problem for the man if he wants to wait a few years before parenthood.

In our desi culture, what are people's views on this?
 
Have to agree with this. If your spouse is not into dieting, fitness and keeping herself in shape, she is going to become fat.

My bhabi had twins and is now obese. A few months ago she told her folks that she wanted a divorce from my elder brother and she claimed he doesn't really love her and looking at her physical state, the fact she was never attractive and is always nagging and bossy as if she is a film star, I was like no wonder.

Hence why I am nervous as hell giving a chance to a girl who isn't physically very attractive but am under pressure from relatives given my family situation, age and now testing the feeling that looks aren't the only thing

If you are blaming your bhabi then stop blaming her, not her fault.

Everyone body changes as the get older, specially females.
 
In Pakistani arranged marriage culture the guy is usually anywhere between 4-10 years older than the girl loool.
 
no issues as long as the age diff is 3,4 years at max. My brother is marrying a girl 2 years older than him and our family has no issue with it. Even 10,15 years diff is fine islamically but its not a part of our culture and the couple in most scenarios look odd given women age faster after 1,2 years of marriage.
 
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Absolutely no problem with it as long as their preferences and mentalities match which is the case with all partners,whatever their age.
 
I think it's fantastic, experience can be a big positive :akhtar
 
if truth be told, (sorry to all the uncles that may get offended) some guys (mota paitoo & gunju uncles :O ) also become heavy and bald after a few years of marriage, and some like our charismatic PM Imran Khan are in amazingly great shape considering their age. Yet could never understand the mentality of some guys who fall in the “uncle” category and want to marry trophy wives 20- 30 years younger than them a la TRUMP lol :98:

So IMO, age shouldn’t matter as long as both partners have similar lifestyles when it comes to health, nutrition and even financial goals i.e. being responsible about managing money and also important is being faithful and loyal to one another which is not hard to do depending on one’s upbringing.
 
Nothing wrong with it. It all depends on compatibility and how well the couple gets along with each other.
 
I like your posts but your posts on marriage and women always seem like 19th centurish

What's so 19th centurish about wanting your spouse to take care of herself and not fall into bad habits? Guys get made fun of by girls and aunties for being overweight and out of shape. Why should it be any different the other way around then?
 
If you are blaming your bhabi then stop blaming her, not her fault.

Everyone body changes as the get older, specially females.

Not necessarily. I sympathize with it being very tough to have to balance work, marriage and handling two twins in the west. But when you are suffering from post partum depression then the least you can do is get help for it rather than be in denial about it and take your frustrations out on your spouse who also has a job, marriage and twin kids to deal with.

From the beginning of the marriage till now for the last ten years, she habitually criticizes him in public with outsiders including his own family. Sure my brother has some weakness and shortcomings but so does my bhabi as well and I absolutely hate it when she continously criticizes him in public when he not once has done the same.

I used to tell my parents about my feelings and observations about her terrible habit of always judging him as not being as academically, professionally gifted as her and for critizing him and bringing their personal issues out in the open in public. They used to dismiss my concerns and brush everything under the carpet but this time a few months ago they could not tolerate her antics anymore and told my brother in private that he needed to start stamping his authority and not let her talk to him disrespectfully both in private and in front of his family members and even gave him the go ahead to tell her that his parents said so.

Guess what. 2 days later she called her parents up telling them she wanted a divorce and all hell broke lose between both the families. Thank goodness both families intervened to sort things out for now.

What have my parents not done for her? Supported her living expenses both in Pakistan and the US, got her her first job in Pakistan, helped them settle in the US upon immigration, gave her a full fledged financial gift to pay off her student loan incurred in her Harvard masters program, funded their downpayment for their house, supported her traveling expenses too and from the US to Pakistan to allow her to meet her family, supporting them by paying for their nanny and child care expenses. And then she had the nerve to bad mouth my brother in public

I was personally very livid and had told my dad to tell her and her family categorically that if she goes ahead with this divorce, not only does she permanently lose custody of the babies forever but that we will also file a lawsuit to demand the recovery of a good $500,000 atleast from her and her family. Am glad her folks talked sense into it and forced her to backtrack but this episode really left a bad taste for me and I cannot forgive her for putting my parents especially my mother who is terribly unwell under so much stress unnecessarily when it was the last thing in the world they needed

Anyways long story short. Women look after themselves after birth and get back into shape very quickly. I don't blame my brother for being depressed for being stuck with a horribly fat obese spouse who is showing no desire or initiative to get back into some semblance or shape and is also behaving like a nagging ***** when she is not even attractive to begin with. Guys are human beings too and have needs as well. Unless she changes her behaviour and attitude I fear the worst.
 
Yes relationships can definitely work when the female is older, especially when its a "Love Marriage".

Its usually rare in our culture for the women to be older as most people have an arranged marriage. In an arranged marriage the guy has zero market value until he starts making money, or has the potential to make money (like med student). Girls on the other start receiving proposals early on regardless of their job situation. Which means by the time guys are ready to get married alot of girls their own age are off the market, So most guys would consider girls their own age to younger in order to have a bigger pool. And the reason for not looking at older girls is that the quality of the ones left would not be that good.

And yea times have changed and the guy and girl can talk before getting married, but there is still no "love" between the couple before the marriage. So if a 30 year old guy has a choice between a 25 year old girl and a 35 year old girl, he will choose the younger one, even though age wise he would be compatible with both. Thats 10 more years of youth.

But in your case it seems like you are asking about a gf who you would want to propose to, so yea that should not be an issue if she is older.
 
I like your posts but your posts on marriage and women always seem like 19th centurish

I am not friends with JaDed anymore after he defied the empire but this is 100% true about Savak :)) some very peculiar opinions in general not singling out a specific view point
 
It's alright. Everybody has their own choices. Personally I only see myself marrying someone 3-5 years younger than I am.
 
You would think men never lose their looks or gain weight !
Obviously age comes into play when child bearing comes into the equation (even though women are having their first child at in their 40s).
 
But in your case it seems like you are asking about a gf who you would want to propose to, so yea that should not be an issue if she is older.

Haha no, I'm just interested as I was thinking how rare it is in the culture and wondered if it is looked down on
 
How old were you when you started to date?

and did your ex know you were dating? Just kidding :)

i was 21 when we started to date. She was 30 then. Her family knew, my family knew.

She also stayed at our home multiple times. There was not much obstruction from either of the family. However, priorities difference has played key roles time to time. and at one point, we agreed to move on different path.
 
i was 21 when we started to date. She was 30 then. Her family knew, my family knew.

She also stayed at our home multiple times. There was not much obstruction from either of the family. However, priorities difference has played key roles time to time. and at one point, we agreed to move on different path.

That is a bigger difference at important juncture of anyone's life in terms of making life decisions such as getting married.

Lets say if you were in your 30's and she was in her 40's then probably you both would have stayed together?
 
You would think men never lose their looks or gain weight !
Obviously age comes into play when child bearing comes into the equation (even though women are having their first child at in their 40s).

They do, but Pakistani women judge men primarily on their bank balance. I have seen many examples of very average to completely unattractive guys marry very pretty girls, only because they had good jobs.

And there are plenty of good looking guys who are deemed "losers" by Pakistani women because they dont have the cash, or the potential to make money.
 
i was 21 when we started to date. She was 30 then. Her family knew, my family knew.

She also stayed at our home multiple times. There was not much obstruction from either of the family. However, priorities difference has played key roles time to time. and at one point, we agreed to move on different path.

The way I thought about things and approached life was different in my 20's vs my 30's now. The age gap was bound to be a factor. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are a classic example where they were madly in love but they stumbled when she refused to have any more kids because she already had kids whereas being a young guy who was finally growing up and maturing he naturally wished to start a family
 
I never thought I would consider marrying a girl older than me. It was ingrained in me by my parents that women age quicker and become less active at an earlier age and it'll impact my health.

That was until I dated a girl 1 year older than me. I realized at my age, the only hindrance for marrying a girl older than me is that her child-bearing years are limited (I'm 29). Apart from that, a year here or there will make absolutely no difference.

So my priorities now are that I would probably like to have kids when I'm 33-34 and the girl has to be at a certain age where we're able to have at least 2 kids.

Outside of that, I think up to 2-3 years it shouldn't make a difference. That being said, you can have successful marriages with large age gaps (Hugh Jackman/Macron) but I don't think that's for me. Age doesn't matter to an extent. Don't see myself going more than 5 years younger or 2 years older.

As for women gaining weight etc. That depends a lot more on the person and their priorities. A girl can be a beauty queen until 32-33 but if she isn't health and body conscious then she'll age poorly and faster.
 
Have to agree with this. If your spouse is not into dieting, fitness and keeping herself in shape, she is going to become fat.

My bhabi had twins and is now obese. A few months ago she told her folks that she wanted a divorce from my elder brother and she claimed he doesn't really love her and looking at her physical state, the fact she was never attractive and is always nagging and bossy as if she is a film star, I was like no wonder.

Hence why I am nervous as hell giving a chance to a girl who isn't physically very attractive but am under pressure from relatives given my family situation, age and now testing the feeling that looks aren't the only thing

Who are you to give the chance lol?

Aren’t you mid 30s with a middling accounting career yet to take off and hardly a Brad Pitt?

Like really don’t want to be this harsh but what’s this chance **
 
They do, but Pakistani women judge men primarily on their bank balance. I have seen many examples of very average to completely unattractive guys marry very pretty girls, only because they had good jobs.

And there are plenty of good looking guys who are deemed "losers" by Pakistani women because they dont have the cash, or the potential to make money.
There is that but it is something I have never adhered to so not something I have considered when choosinga partner.
 
They do, but Pakistani women judge men primarily on their bank balance. I have seen many examples of very average to completely unattractive guys marry very pretty girls, only because they had good jobs.

And there are plenty of good looking guys who are deemed "losers" by Pakistani women because they dont have the cash, or the potential to make money.

So women should go for "looks" than money? how your proposition is better than the one what you are complaining about?
 
Who are you to give the chance lol?

Aren’t you mid 30s with a middling accounting career yet to take off and hardly a Brad Pitt?

Like really don’t want to be this harsh but what’s this chance **

I am the man. The man always chooses and decides in comparison to girls tho that is changing as well now
 
I am the man. The man always chooses and decides in comparison to girls tho that is changing as well now

That's wrong many levels brother. Man and woman should have equal rights. Do we agree on that?
 
That's wrong many levels brother. Man and woman should have equal rights. Do we agree on that?

No disagreement there. But today's femi nazi's and women having showbiz attitudes scares the daylights out of me. It's not like the 60's, 70's, 80's or even the 90's anymore where wives took on the major role of day to day tasks around the house, raising kids and ensuring minimal worries for their husbands when they came back home from work after a lengthy day at the office. All my uncles benefited from marrying cousins or girls within the family who either remained housewives or had jobs with part time hours, minimal workloads which enabled them to take on the bulk of the responsibilities at home.

But today's times are completely different where a lot of women are a lot more vocal, have airs and a show biz attitude about them, have a lot of demands that the guy takes on a lot more responsibility at home while also being the primary bread earner at home, make their lives as easy as possible, zero responsibility towards the guys parents if god forbid they are not in good health, if the guy has confidence issues or a little bit of depression then the guy should deal with it on his own whereas if the girl has the same problems then it is his duty to be kind, empathetic, sympathetic and understanding towards her.

I have been chasing this girl for the last 3 years, she is very good looking but i get put off by her ultra feminist posts and opinions and she had admitted and bragged in public that she has turned down rishtas from extremely wealthy families and is always highlighting one negative or the other about guys in general 24/7. I mean fine, she does not have to reciprocate my feelings, i can live with that and have to live with that, god is the best of planners, but dont just blindly turn down a guy who comes from a rich family and hold the guys prestigious and wealthy family background against him unnecessarily. Some of the greatest people i have encountered in life are those from wealthy backgrounds and some of the most horrible are from not so well off backgrounds.

Imagine how the feminist brigade would react to a guy who was constantly bragging about turning down attractive girls on social media and highlight one negative or the other about these attractive girls and commenting on the fact that they have show biz attitudes? I guarantee you that they will all slaughter him mob justice style
 
There are some women who fit in your category (you should really change your circles). Many women who expect husbands to help also work full time and have careers and not part jobs (the guy married her because she was different etc met at Uni etc). Women are not going to be compliant from 90s,80s and 70s and [MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] if you want that I don't know where you find that but I think you need to be realistic as you want a modern woman but with the outlook of a woman from 30 odd years ago.
 
I never thought I would consider marrying a girl older than me. It was ingrained in me by my parents that women age quicker and become less active at an earlier age and it'll impact my health.

That was until I dated a girl 1 year older than me. I realized at my age, the only hindrance for marrying a girl older than me is that her child-bearing years are limited (I'm 29). Apart from that, a year here or there will make absolutely no difference.

So my priorities now are that I would probably like to have kids when I'm 33-34 and the girl has to be at a certain age where we're able to have at least 2 kids.

Outside of that, I think up to 2-3 years it shouldn't make a difference. That being said, you can have successful marriages with large age gaps (Hugh Jackman/Macron) but I don't think that's for me. Age doesn't matter to an extent. Don't see myself going more than 5 years younger or 2 years older.

As for women gaining weight etc. That depends a lot more on the person and their priorities. A girl can be a beauty queen until 32-33 but if she isn't health and body conscious then she'll age poorly and faster.

A one year difference isn't much
 
A one year difference isn't much

I agree. It’s just what was ingrained in me by my parents. Marriage was a practical a decision and all that. But yea my own perspective has changed now and it’s a mix of practicality and other things.

It was hilarious when my parents got to know a female friend of mine who is 3 years older. And both of them commented a number of times how they wished I’d settled with her (by this point she was in a very serious relationship). I mentioned she’s a few years older and they said we know but 2 years isn’t much.


To boot, she’s white and in my head I’m thinking this is everything you told me I shouldn’t settle with.
 
There is that but it is something I have never adhered to so not something I have considered when choosinga partner.

this may or may not be the case, but ask any woman the traits she finds most attractive in a man i'm sure you will get at least two of these three, intelligence, humour, confidence.... if not all three.

and who has these traits, socially dominant men, who in modern society tend to be wealthy and successful. i don't see anything wrong if they are attracted to successful men as long as they are faithful to their partners / husbands.

some women maybe greedy, but most are attracted to successful men rather than the money, that's why Einstein had so many affairs, its why broke artists get so many girls, etc...
 
So women should go for "looks" than money? how your proposition is better than the one what you are complaining about?

No. I was simply responding to another poster on why the lack of looks on a guy does not stop them from wanting attractive females. Women can do whatever they want.

And i am not complaining, I understand the rules very well of traditional marriage in Pakistan.
 
this may or may not be the case, but ask any woman the traits she finds most attractive in a man i'm sure you will get at least two of these three, intelligence, humour, confidence.... if not all three.

and who has these traits, socially dominant men, who in modern society tend to be wealthy and successful. i don't see anything wrong if they are attracted to successful men as long as they are faithful to their partners / husbands.

some women maybe greedy, but most are attracted to successful men rather than the money, that's why Einstein had so many affairs, its why broke artists get so many girls, etc...

Hmm maybe....you know some of us just marry someone just coz we fell in love
 
Many calculate what happens in the future when the lady is 60 so the guy is........................However I think its more difficult for the wife to keep the guy and the family happy
 
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