Does one always need the girl on his side for arranged marriages today?

[KingKhanWC]

Youre too much of a beg & coming across as a stalker.

Go on tinder worldwide find someone who looks like her & this time be more likr Bond, James Bond .

 

[Savak]

I literally have disowned all my khalas, phuppos and uncles. When I first came to Canada 6 years ago, I was very open minded, loving, non judgemental and would call and stay in touch with everyone a few times every week and was okay with talking about everything under the sun with them.

But these people have only destroyed my confidence, self esteem with constantly reminding me of every negative thing going on in my life ie being unemployed when I didn't have a job in my field, not earning a high salary, struggling, and the constant references to my age and the taunts of "best one's get taken early".

These people behind the scenes constantly lobby to my folks about girls in their immediate, distant families or friends circle in Canada or the US who are in their late 20's, early to mid 30's whose parents have been desperately trying to find rishtas for them. These guys know that I am only interested in someone else which is 99% not happening but they don't really give a **** about my emotional well being or state of mind, they just want to desperately try to convince my folks to force me to agree to the girls in their families with absolutely zero regard for me not being interested

I have cut these people off big time and no longer pick up their phone calls and only meet them whenever there are family gatherings

Of late I am now realizing that maybe I need to rethink my perspective on getting involved with goris especially if Pakistani girls are always tough to pursue. I mean Imran Khan and Wasim Akram did it, why should I restrict myself?

 

[UP]

I literally have disowned all my khalas, phuppos and uncles. When I first came to Canada 6 years ago, I was very open minded, loving, non judgemental and would call and stay in touch with everyone a few times every week and was okay with talking about everything under the sun with them.

But these people have only destroyed my confidence, self esteem with constantly reminding me of every negative thing going on in my life ie being unemployed when I didn't have a job in my field, not earning a high salary, struggling, and the constant references to my age and the taunts of "best one's get taken early".

These people behind the scenes constantly lobby to my folks about girls in their immediate, distant families or friends circle in Canada or the US who are in their late 20's, early to mid 30's whose parents have been desperately trying to find rishtas for them. These guys know that I am only interested in someone else which is 99% not happening but they don't really give a **** about my emotional well being or state of mind, they just want to desperately try to convince my folks to force me to agree to the girls in their families with absolutely zero regard for me not being interested

I have cut these people off big time and no longer pick up their phone calls and only meet them whenever there are family gatherings

Of late I am now realizing that maybe I need to rethink my perspective on getting involved with goris especially if Pakistani girls are always tough to pursue. I mean Imran Khan and Wasim Akram did it, why should I restrict myself?

Its good that you have cut off negative people from your life. Only bitter/gire hue neech relatives taunt their cousins on regular basis - think them as bully. Its a major desi problem where everyone feels its their right to interfere in someone’s life. I mean you are not a kid anymore and them taunting you about being single or whatever was pure evil and uncalled for. I like the concept of individualistic society where you are responsible for your life and second person rarely pings you.

And about meeting a gori or kaali doesn’t matter unless both parties click and take off.

 

[Slog]

I literally have disowned all my khalas, phuppos and uncles. When I first came to Canada 6 years ago, I was very open minded, loving, non judgemental and would call and stay in touch with everyone a few times every week and was okay with talking about everything under the sun with them.

But these people have only destroyed my confidence, self esteem with constantly reminding me of every negative thing going on in my life ie being unemployed when I didn't have a job in my field, not earning a high salary, struggling, and the constant references to my age and the taunts of "best one's get taken early".

These people behind the scenes constantly lobby to my folks about girls in their immediate, distant families or friends circle in Canada or the US who are in their late 20's, early to mid 30's whose parents have been desperately trying to find rishtas for them. These guys know that I am only interested in someone else which is 99% not happening but they don't really give a **** about my emotional well being or state of mind, they just want to desperately try to convince my folks to force me to agree to the girls in their families with absolutely zero regard for me not being interested

I have cut these people off big time and no longer pick up their phone calls and only meet them whenever there are family gatherings

Of late I am now realizing that maybe I need to rethink my perspective on getting involved with goris especially if Pakistani girls are always tough to pursue. I mean Imran Khan and Wasim Akram did it, why should I restrict myself?

Nice to see you cut off negative energy

But lol at Pakistani girls being tough to pursue but gori girls being not.

 

[Little Master]

With regards to the age gap, I will make a generalization. Girls who are interested in older men are so because they are attracted to their maturity. However, despite being older than her you don't come across as mature at all. It is probably one of the reasons why you get along well with girls younger than you. You come across as someone who is very immature and do not know how women folk think / work (not that there is a general formula). It's either that or you troll everyone on PP every six months

With regards to your question? How can you force someone to marry you. Educated families dont just marry of their daughters to someone if a very good rishta comes through arranged route. At the end of the day, as parents happiness of their daughter trumps the good status of potential groom. Hence they will not go for it if the girl says she is not interested.

 

[Realromeo]

Sir listen first, you always wnt to marry a gud girl nah ? Do you really want to marry a gurl who rejects wedding offers ? These Western people who push their bad views such as girl having a say in marriage doesn't suit our lifestyle.

 

[Realromeo]

I don’t understand why Savak thinks that these 22yr old’s should “like him” like the way he does?? They also have a life, they might be attracted towards more younger handsome established males than him. He is thinking only from his point of view and is projecting her as some trophy wife/a catch than a life partner. Sorry to say but you deserve to be get dumped here. Respect the girl’s opinion too sometimes.

DO you not watch South Indian movies ? Its a guy's job to harass women till they fall in love, he never takes "no" for an answer. Guy twice the age of the actress ? CHECK, guy UGLY as heck and has no chance in real life ? CHECK. Only problem here is Savak might not be macho enough and I'd suggest Savak creates an impression of him that he isn't on FB and Instagram, post macho pictures, takes few pictures with random white girls and makes himself look like a cool guy. I'm ugly as heck, if it works for me, it should for for him. BRB got 4th tinder date in 9th day today.

 

[Savak]

With regards to the age gap, I will make a generalization. Girls who are interested in older men are so because they are attracted to their maturity. However, despite being older than her you don't come across as mature at all. It is probably one of the reasons why you get along well with girls younger than you. You come across as someone who is very immature and do not know how women folk think / work (not that there is a general formula). It's either that or you troll everyone on PP every six months

With regards to your question? How can you force someone to marry you. Educated families dont just marry of their daughters to someone if a very good rishta comes through arranged route. At the end of the day, as parents happiness of their daughter trumps the good status of potential groom. Hence they will not go for it if the girl says she is not interested.

You can't just judge someone's intellect or maturity level just based on his struggles or issues with the opposite sex. In fact if you put aside that for a second, vast majority of people in my friends circle and family consider me very intellectual on historical, political and general affairs.

There is no hard and fast rule as far as women are concerned, i know of couples who dated for 6 plus years but ended things when one partner was unable to convince her/his parents and eventually both gave up and moved on.

I also know of a few girls who weren't super interested in the guy whose parents, intermediaries suggested them to the girls parents but the girls in question were not at liberty to say no or dismiss the guys without actually giving the folks a very good reason or speaking/meeting the guy first.

Then i have friends who were as clueless about girls as i was but were blessed with the good fortune where they got help from others who hooked them up selflessly with their love interests or where the girl immediately reciprocated.

Unfortunately it appears i am indeed cursed

 

[humzy]

You can't just judge someone's intellect or maturity level just based on his struggles or issues with the opposite sex. In fact if you put aside that for a second, vast majority of people in my friends circle and family consider me very intellectual on historical, political and general affairs.

There is no hard and fast rule as far as women are concerned, i know of couples who dated for 6 plus years but ended things when one partner was unable to convince her/his parents and eventually both gave up and moved on.

I also know of a few girls who weren't super interested in the guy whose parents, intermediaries suggested them to the girls parents but the girls in question were not at liberty to say no or dismiss the guys without actually giving the folks a very good reason or speaking/meeting the guy first.

Then i have friends who were as clueless about girls as i was but were blessed with the good fortune where they got help from others who hooked them up selflessly with their love interests or where the girl immediately reciprocated.

Unfortunately it appears i am indeed cursed

I think what he means is your lack of intelligence when it comes to social awareness. Which is how you come across in your posts, even in your last post you say you are cursed rather then understanding the fault in your views held on marriage and women in general.

 

[Savak]

I think what he means is your lack of intelligence when it comes to social awareness. Which is how you come across in your posts, even in your last post you say you are cursed rather then understanding the fault in your views held on marriage and women in general.

Women are indeed a mystery to me, they do things which do not make sense to the logical mind. For instance why would a girl dump a nice sweet respectful guy and choose to marry a guy who is bossy, disrespectful to her and even physically beats her up?

Things like this will not make sense to anyone on planet earth

 

[humzy]

Women are indeed a mystery to me, they do things which do not make sense to the logical mind. For instance why would a girl dump a nice sweet respectful guy and choose to marry a guy who is bossy, disrespectful to her and even physically beats her up?

Things like this will not make sense to anyone on planet earth

its pretty basic when looking at it in evolutionary terms.

Men were protectors whilst women were nurturers of the children.

If war or other tribes came then only the stronger males would have the ability to fight back.

Strongest males = Alpha males = had the pick of the women

This is imprinted in a females DNA, women unconsciously look for the strongest most fearless men.

Niceness and sweetness is not a trait which helps with protection. However a bossy/arrogant and physically impressive man holds the traits needed to protect a family and be a leader amongst other men.

Women don't love you, they love your traits that will help protect them and what they truly love (their children).

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

I literally have disowned all my khalas, phuppos and uncles. When I first came to Canada 6 years ago, I was very open minded, loving, non judgemental and would call and stay in touch with everyone a few times every week and was okay with talking about everything under the sun with them.

But these people have only destroyed my confidence, self esteem with constantly reminding me of every negative thing going on in my life ie being unemployed when I didn't have a job in my field, not earning a high salary, struggling, and the constant references to my age and the taunts of "best one's get taken early".

These people behind the scenes constantly lobby to my folks about girls in their immediate, distant families or friends circle in Canada or the US who are in their late 20's, early to mid 30's whose parents have been desperately trying to find rishtas for them. These guys know that I am only interested in someone else which is 99% not happening but they don't really give a **** about my emotional well being or state of mind, they just want to desperately try to convince my folks to force me to agree to the girls in their families with absolutely zero regard for me not being interested

I have cut these people off big time and no longer pick up their phone calls and only meet them whenever there are family gatherings

Of late I am now realizing that maybe I need to rethink my perspective on getting involved with goris especially if Pakistani girls are always tough to pursue. I mean Imran Khan and Wasim Akram did it, why should I restrict myself?

The goris are going to judge you on standards same as desi ones will. Only difference being you won't be able to browbeat them into submission through family or social pressure because they are less susceptible to those things as arranged marriage is not part of their culture. But if you can impress a super hot younger gori, then why don't you just go ahead and do it? Usually they aren't going to be interested in the needy low confidence type either though, so be patient.

 

[shaz619]

I literally have disowned all my khalas, phuppos and uncles. When I first came to Canada 6 years ago, I was very open minded, loving, non judgemental and would call and stay in touch with everyone a few times every week and was okay with talking about everything under the sun with them.

But these people have only destroyed my confidence, self esteem with constantly reminding me of every negative thing going on in my life ie being unemployed when I didn't have a job in my field, not earning a high salary, struggling, and the constant references to my age and the taunts of "best one's get taken early".

These people behind the scenes constantly lobby to my folks about girls in their immediate, distant families or friends circle in Canada or the US who are in their late 20's, early to mid 30's whose parents have been desperately trying to find rishtas for them. These guys know that I am only interested in someone else which is 99% not happening but they don't really give a **** about my emotional well being or state of mind, they just want to desperately try to convince my folks to force me to agree to the girls in their families with absolutely zero regard for me not being interested

I have cut these people off big time and no longer pick up their phone calls and only meet them whenever there are family gatherings

Of late I am now realizing that maybe I need to rethink my perspective on getting involved with goris especially if Pakistani girls are always tough to pursue. I mean Imran Khan and Wasim Akram did it, why should I restrict myself?

Goris are seen as high maintenance in the UK at times especially by their own, you see many older white guys order brides from east asia. Meanwhile all the black guys pull the goris that are left and the two are generally very attracted to each other until the gori ends up as a single mom. Pakistani's have enjoyed a lot of success with goris, but the black man is more over in the present time period. Perhaps in the US and Canada it's different. Beyond that, I wouldn't say they are easy to seduce then again not everyone is; have you ever been interested in Indian women?

 

[Realromeo]

Women are indeed a mystery to me, they do things which do not make sense to the logical mind. For instance why would a girl dump a nice sweet respectful guy and choose to marry a guy who is bossy, disrespectful to her and even physically beats her up?

Things like this will not make sense to anyone on planet earth

First of all brother, women and men are different people. Men in general are attracted by looks, while the women are attracted to strong characters.. For 100,000s of years women were depended on men for survival. The strongest and boldest men had the best survival rate, this is the men that women had children with. The ability to fend of a lion is not necessary, but you should stand up for yourself, be bold, approach any man or women without no fear it shows confidence and this is what women are attracted to.

Look at Imran Khan, he is an alpha, he is a leader, powerful, humble and very well respected. In the jungle, Imran Khan would have done well. Now look at someone like Forrest Gump character, he wouldn't have survived in the jungle. Girls like bad boys, because they have the necessary attractive trait, confidence, risk taking ability, generally tall and big.

 

[Realromeo]

The goris are going to judge you on standards same as desi ones will. Only difference being you won't be able to browbeat them into submission through family or social pressure because they are less susceptible to those things as arranged marriage is not part of their culture. But if you can impress a super hot younger gori, then why don't you just go ahead and do it? Usually they aren't going to be interested in the needy low confidence type either though, so be patient.

As a brown guy, white girls are the easiest to pick up. This is because they almost always judge you based on your race, any thing mild you out of your assigned race traits(sounds cringy I know) will make you look cool.

 

[Realromeo]

Goris are seen as high maintenance in the UK at times especially by their own, you see many older white guys order brides from east asia. Meanwhile all the black guys pull the goris that are left and the two are generally very attracted to each other until the gori ends up as a single mom. Pakistani's have enjoyed a lot of success with goris, but the black man is more over in the present time period. Perhaps in the US and Canada it's different. Beyond that, I wouldn't say they are easy to seduce then again not everyone is; have you ever been interested in Indian women?

Yup, black guys are chopping white, asian, south asian and Latino women as of right now. Only Middle-Eastern men are safe at the moment. I swear black guys get a way with lot of things that we can't do.
Black guy checking a girl out = He was eyeing be down
Brown guy checking a girl out = He was creeping me out

 

[Savak]

First of all brother, women and men are different people. Men in general are attracted by looks, while the women are attracted to strong characters.. For 100,000s of years women were depended on men for survival. The strongest and boldest men had the best survival rate, this is the men that women had children with. The ability to fend of a lion is not necessary, but you should stand up for yourself, be bold, approach any man or women without no fear it shows confidence and this is what women are attracted to.

Look at Imran Khan, he is an alpha, he is a leader, powerful, humble and very well respected. In the jungle, Imran Khan would have done well. Now look at someone like Forrest Gump character, he wouldn't have survived in the jungle. Girls like bad boys, because they have the necessary attractive trait, confidence, risk taking ability, generally tall and big.

So does this mean every guy on this planet who managed to find a girl by himself is an Alpha Male in comparison to those who didn't?

This alpha male talk cannot be completely true.

Also IK was not a very social animal. If you analyze his body language in ceremonies, functions you can see he is very shy. But he was blessed with incredible once in a life time global good looks that women were enticed to come to him. His superstar status in the sport and natural leadership qualities helped no doubt as well.

There can only be one IK

 

[ExpressPacer]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] honestly speaking, I would suggest that you forget about this girl, block her from your Facebook and all other social media and try to distance yourself a shame much as you can from the mere thought of her existence.

As someone with considerable experience of mingling with the opposite sex, I would suggest that the best nets thing for you to do as of now would be to firstly get rid off this boogeyman that you have when it comes to approaching girls. Stop being scared. You're living in the Western world, you have the access of dating websites, social events, rapid fire dating programs and most of all, Tinder. Believe you me, Tinder is going to Ben your best friend right now. Set up a profile on Tinder and try to match with as many girls as you can. It is not necessary that you get into sexual relationships with these girls but going on dates and making conversation is going to help you BIG time, especially in the long run.

Secondly, you have a lot going for you, you come from a well-off family, you're in the peak age of the male bravado where the testosterone in men really kicks in and this is when we look best, you have a good job, you sound like an intelligent guy and you frequent the gym. Understand that you are not below anyone. Your personality and victim attitude is the only thing pulling you back HOWEVER, that can not change, it is not permanent.

Thirdly, if you don't already, start dressing up properly, fix your posture, focus a lot on what you wear, always smell good, carry a good EDC with you and most of all, style your hair everyday. Men who consider themselves not so good looking can make a change worth galaxies by these simple things. Google and the internet will be your best coach, so please don't waste money on scammers.

 

[Eagle_Eye]

Since you started this nearly 3 weeks ago... have you explicitly asked the girl?

I presume it's a no. Therein lies your problem, get it over with and stop wasting your time.

I find that you have no empathy for girls who are around your age group. You are very dismissive and have been very disparaging about them in this thread and also in the past. To me it seems that this is your best option and is staring you in the face but you are adamant on going on a wild goose chases continuously and failing. Have you ever delved deeply into your thought process and why you want girls that are much much younger? If the answer is looks then you should know that looks fade over time but the personality does not.

You need help, take advice of @Donal_Cozie and seek out a qualified therapist.

 

[Realromeo]

So does this mean every guy on this planet who managed to find a girl by himself is an Alpha Male in comparison to those who didn't?

This alpha male talk cannot be completely true.

Also IK was not a very social animal. If you analyze his body language in ceremonies, functions you can see he is very shy. But he was blessed with incredible once in a life time global good looks that women were enticed to come to him. His superstar status in the sport and natural leadership qualities helped no doubt as well.

There can only be one IK

You don't need to be an alpha to get women bro. It is never about what you say, it is about how you say brother. Look at the body language of Jasprit Bumrah and Pujara, they look soft, nerdy and very awkward if they weren't cricketers, you think girls will have any attraction towards them ? Now look at someone like Rahul Dravid, he is also very quiet, but he is no softie, Ms Dhoni is a very quiet shy guy, but he walks and moves around like a cool guy, Brian Lara is another example. You can be quiet, soft and still have manly traits. Everyone knows rowdy boys are attracted to soft, quiet girls, but some reason everyone think that soft quiet girls only like soft quiet boys.

 

[Realromeo]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] honestly speaking, I would suggest that you forget about this girl, block her from your Facebook and all other social media and try to distance yourself a shame much as you can from the mere thought of her existence.

As someone with considerable experience of mingling with the opposite sex, I would suggest that the best nets thing for you to do as of now would be to firstly get rid off this boogeyman that you have when it comes to approaching girls. Stop being scared. You're living in the Western world, you have the access of dating websites, social events, rapid fire dating programs and most of all, Tinder. Believe you me, Tinder is going to Ben your best friend right now. Set up a profile on Tinder and try to match with as many girls as you can. It is not necessary that you get into sexual relationships with these girls but going on dates and making conversation is going to help you BIG time, especially in the long run.

Secondly, you have a lot going for you, you come from a well-off family, you're in the peak age of the male bravado where the testosterone in men really kicks in and this is when we look best, you have a good job, you sound like an intelligent guy and you frequent the gym. Understand that you are not below anyone. Your personality and victim attitude is the only thing pulling you back HOWEVER, that can not change, it is not permanent.

Thirdly, if you don't already, start dressing up properly, fix your posture, focus a lot on what you wear, always smell good, carry a good EDC with you and most of all, style your hair everyday. Men who consider themselves not so good looking can make a change worth galaxies by these simple things. Google and the internet will be your best coach, so please don't waste money on scammers.

He doesn't need a therapist, he just needs to understand that just like how he isn't attracted older girls, girls in general aren't attracted to him.

 

[Savak]

Since you started this nearly 3 weeks ago... have you explicitly asked the girl?

I presume it's a no. Therein lies your problem, get it over with and stop wasting your time.

I find that you have no empathy for girls who are around your age group. You are very dismissive and have been very disparaging about them in this thread and also in the past. To me it seems that this is your best option and is staring you in the face but you are adamant on going on a wild goose chases continuously and failing. Have you ever delved deeply into your thought process and why you want girls that are much much younger? If the answer is looks then you should know that looks fade over time but the personality does not.

You need help, take advice of @Donal_Cozie and seek out a qualified therapist.

I havent contacted her for the last 2 weeks, i will try to reach out to her around November after giving her some time, space. She has done this in the past where she ignored me when i was continously messaging her, but responded to me when i reached out to her again after a couple of months. I don't want to send her a message expressing my interest in her just like that but want to do it as part of a regular conversation. I have nothing to lose anyways given that i know it is a dead end.

I am open to girls in all age groups. If i find a girl my age, older than me whom i am attracted too i will go for it, just like how right now i am attracted to a girl a decade younger than me.

And let me correct you. A girl in my age group or older to me is not my best option. If i wanted to marry just for the heck of it like my parents, elders, friends are suggesting i would have done that a long time ago and could do that any day. I already said no to my 22-23 year old first cousin whom most neutral observers would say is very pretty and be like "What the hell are you doing?", but i am not into her that way and also because i have seen the disasterous consequences first cousin marriages have caused to children, my cousin is severely autistic, my second cousin has Aspergers Syndrome and i too have Aspergers Syndrome and in such a highly competitive world i refuse to do injustice to my future offsprings.

Lastly, lets not kid ourselves, it is natural for guys to notice looks first. No body just focuses on looks alone, you then look for other things in the girl as well.

 

[j_kazmi]

My gut reaction would be to say that it’s over and you should move on because it’s pretty clear that she’s not interested in you at all and your parents don’t approve either.

But you seem pretty adamant in perusing her even though she will most probably decline you.

My advice would be to keep your expectations very low when you do end up confessing your feelings to her, because I really don’t think it can be any clearer that she will say no.

Additionally, know that when you do come clean to her, most your family will find out. It’s not as if she’ll keep this information to herself, she’ll definitely tell some one eventually. All family’s gossip so this will happen.

There’s also a possibility that some of your family members already know you frequently talk to her.

I think you also said that you were really badly effected by the last time you asked a girl. Know that it will most probably happen again if things don’t go as planned.

Main thing I would like to say to you is that don’t take things too personally when she or any girl in future say no to you, because it looks like you do take things to heart very easily which are effecting your everyday life.

 

[Little Master]

You can't just judge someone's intellect or maturity level just based on his struggles or issues with the opposite sex. In fact if you put aside that for a second, vast majority of people in my friends circle and family consider me very intellectual on historical, political and general affairs.

There is no hard and fast rule as far as women are concerned, i know of couples who dated for 6 plus years but ended things when one partner was unable to convince her/his parents and eventually both gave up and moved on.

I also know of a few girls who weren't super interested in the guy whose parents, intermediaries suggested them to the girls parents but the girls in question were not at liberty to say no or dismiss the guys without actually giving the folks a very good reason or speaking/meeting the guy first.

Then i have friends who were as clueless about girls as i was but were blessed with the good fortune where they got help from others who hooked them up selflessly with their love interests or where the girl immediately reciprocated.

Unfortunately it appears i am indeed cursed

Maturity is not same as intelligence. To me (this is my personal opinion) maturity revolves around humility, curiosity and empathy. Now I don't know you but judging purely from your posts (in this thread) I don't find any of these qualities in you.

With regards to humility, you consider yourself to be better than others and expect girls to agree to marry you purely based on qualities / attributes you have contributed nothing to i.e. your Canadian passport, status of your parents etc. People who exhibit humility let their work and personalities speak.

Curiosity refers to your interest in getting to know another person. You are falling in love with a girl based on her looks, you literally know nothing about her except for what you have heard from others. You have zero interest in getting to know another person and that requires a level of maturity which goes well beyond physical looks.

Empathy is intersection of humility and curiosity and is the quality that brings you closer to people, makes people understood and will make you feel less lonely from inside.

I do not mean any offense to you and I am just making this observation based on what you have written here. I could be completely wrong and / or you could be just trolling us over here. I am just giving my 2 cents. As others have said in the thread, chasing after ideas/dreams in your head is not going to get you anywhere. You need to work on yourself and make a life others want to be part of. Trust me, forcing others to be part of your life through arranged marriage or quick fixes will not bring you any contentment.

 

[Savak]

Maturity is not same as intelligence. To me (this is my personal opinion) maturity revolves around humility, curiosity and empathy. Now I don't know you but judging purely from your posts (in this thread) I don't find any of these qualities in you.

You can't judge someone just by their posts at the end of the day

With regards to humility, you consider yourself to be better than others and expect girls to agree to marry you purely based on qualities / attributes you have contributed nothing to i.e. your Canadian passport, status of your parents etc. People who exhibit humility let their work and personalities speak.

In any arranged marriage situation, the girls parents will ask these questions about the guy i.e. What does he do for a Living? What kind of family does he come from? What are his career goals?, What is his lifestyle like?, Cn he provide for our daughter?

And then when you share your dilemma with people and then they realize you are aiming for a girl out of your league, then they bring in things like "What do you bring to the table in comparison to guys who are much better looking than you, earn more money than you, come from richer or more prestigious families than you?

Why should i continue to live like a cat in a dogs world and why should i continue to accept being treated like a doormat?.

I don't consider myself better than anyone and treat all people equally but will not stand it when people ** with me and show arrogance towards me.

Curiosity refers to your interest in getting to know another person. You are falling in love with a girl based on her looks, you literally know nothing about her except for what you have heard from others. You have zero interest in getting to know another person and that requires a level of maturity which goes well beyond physical looks.

Again a falacy, i have been following this girl for very long and have interacted way more with her compared to an arranged marriage situation where 2 people are complete strangers to each other. I know more about her than anyone gives me credit for. [/QUOTE]

Empathy is intersection of humility and curiosity and is the quality that brings you closer to people, makes people understood and will make you feel less lonely from inside.

I wish a gazzilion people could show empathy towards me on a professional and personal level, but this is not a perfect world and have come to accept it with time and just let people be. But people should practice what they preach and will not tolerate unempathetic people lecturing me on empathy

I do not mean any offense to you and I am just making this observation based on what you have written here. I could be completely wrong and / or you could be just trolling us over here. I am just giving my 2 cents. As others have said in the thread, chasing after ideas/dreams in your head is not going to get you anywhere. You need to work on yourself and make a life others want to be part of. Trust me, forcing others to be part of your life through arranged marriage or quick fixes will not bring you any contentment.

Like i said, we only have one life on this planet, i believe one should make the most of the opportunities you get so that one can have no regrets down the line. And yes, i don't see anyone taking offense to my immediate, extended relatives and others conspiring and scheming with my parents to force, convince me to marry girls that they prefer for me even though i have zero interest in them.

 

[Savak]

My gut reaction would be to say that it’s over and you should move on because it’s pretty clear that she’s not interested in you at all and your parents don’t approve either.

But you seem pretty adamant in perusing her even though she will most probably decline you.

My advice would be to keep your expectations very low when you do end up confessing your feelings to her, because I really don’t think it can be any clearer that she will say no.

Additionally, know that when you do come clean to her, most your family will find out. It’s not as if she’ll keep this information to herself, she’ll definitely tell some one eventually. All family’s gossip so this will happen.

There’s also a possibility that some of your family members already know you frequently talk to her.

I think you also said that you were really badly effected by the last time you asked a girl. Know that it will most probably happen again if things don’t go as planned.

Main thing I would like to say to you is that don’t take things too personally when she or any girl in future say no to you, because it looks like you do take things to heart very easily which are effecting your everyday life.

I am not a very religious person but Surah An fal states "People plan, Allah plans and surely Allah is the best of planners". We can't fight destiny but no harm in atleast trying and giving a 100% in every endeavor we undertake in life.

I don't want any regrets in life

 

[Eagle_Eye]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] why should this girl choose you?

 

[humzy]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] why should this girl choose you?

Bro give up at least 20 people have given him solid advice but somehow he has a rebuttal where he plays the victim card.
He needs to get professional help and that’s not me being a jerk. I sense depression and self victimisation in his posts which is never a good mix

 

[Savak]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] why should this girl choose you?

This is the trick question which is similar to the question you get asked in a job interview for a coveted position with a thousand applicants "Why should we hire you?", "What is so special about you?", "What do you bring to the table which others don't?", where you know that you cannot afford to give the same boring natural cliched responses of "I am hard working", "I have excellent related work experience" e.t.c.

If the girl were to ask me, i know i cannot afford to say i find her attractive alone. What i do feel deep down is that she and i share a lot of things in common where we both are introverts and shy, we both were bullied as children in high school, we both have led fairly guarded lives, i admire how inspite of her weaknesses she works hard and tries her best to be the best version of herself, i like the fact that in addition to being attracted to her looks, the fact that she is sensitive, where she likes to give back to society my volunteering at NGO's and continously highlighting social causes and that i like these traits.

I would tell her about my own childhood where i was bullied badly by my peers, high school teachers, where i had to battle severe learning disabilities where at the time my teachers categorically said he cannot cope with the demands of professional education but have had to fight my way through to graduate from the top business school in Pakistan and then challenged myself to pursue the top most accounting qualification in addition to struggling in a very tough competitive job market and that i know what it is like to struggle with bad experiences, bad outcomes, battling low confidence, Aspergers Syndrome. Basically giving the message that i know where she is coming from.

 

[Realromeo]

This is the trick question which is similar to the question you get asked in a job interview for a coveted position with a thousand applicants "Why should we hire you?", "What is so special about you?", "What do you bring to the table which others don't?", where you know that you cannot afford to give the same boring natural cliched responses of "I am hard working", "I have excellent related work experience" e.t.c.

If the girl were to ask me, i know i cannot afford to say i find her attractive alone. What i do feel deep down is that she and i share a lot of things in common where we both are introverts and shy, we both were bullied as children in high school, we both have led fairly guarded lives, i admire how inspite of her weaknesses she works hard and tries her best to be the best version of herself, i like the fact that in addition to being attracted to her looks, the fact that she is sensitive, where she likes to give back to society my volunteering at NGO's and continously highlighting social causes and that i like these traits.

I would tell her about my own childhood where i was bullied badly by my peers, high school teachers, where i had to battle severe learning disabilities where at the time my teachers categorically said he cannot cope with the demands of professional education but have had to fight my way through to graduate from the top business school in Pakistan and then challenged myself to pursue the top most accounting qualification in addition to struggling in a very tough competitive job market and that i know what it is like to struggle with bad experiences, bad outcomes, battling low confidence, Aspergers Syndrome. Basically giving the message that i know where she is coming from.

You are making lot of assumptions. This is a girl you think you know. You don't know a girl unless you actually get to know her. Even people in relationships break up after years, but you have no idea about her.

No girl like a bully, but girls are more likely to be attracted to the bully than the guy getting bullied. Girls want a born superstar, not a wimp that from zero to hero. All your achievements are impressive for what it is, but if a girl doesn't find your character then she won't want to be with you. I'm speaking from my own experience. While I may not been bullied(surprisingly) or have been extreme introvert but I was a legit wimp and a nice guy.

 

[ChuckLee]

Are we ignoring the fact she’s 17 and he’s 27? He’s must of liked her for a while for it to get to this stage, say 2.3 years. He’s liked a girl who’s 14 at the age of 24. Is no one gonna address this? That’s sickening.

 

[introvert]

Are we ignoring the fact she’s 17 and he’s 27? He’s must of liked her for a while for it to get to this stage, say 2.3 years. He’s liked a girl who’s 14 at the age of 24. Is no one gonna address this? That’s sickening.

You got it wrong he said she was 17 when they first met now the girl must be 23 - 24 year old

 

[ChuckLee]

You got it wrong he said she was 17 when they first met now the girl must be 23 - 24 year old

So he was attracted to a minor? That’s still illegal and falls under classification of the pedophilia.

 

[Savak]

So he was attracted to a minor? That’s still illegal and falls under classification of the pedophilia.

Mike Tyson knew his current wife when she was 12 years old, but he ended up marrying her when she was in her mid 20's and when he was 40.

 

[introvert]

So he was attracted to a minor? That’s still illegal and falls under classification of the pedophilia.

Inaccurate generalization. 17 year old girl is not a kid , "ephebophilia" is a right word in this situation & if it is not involving abuse,molestation,creepy fantasies etc. Then it is just an innocent attraction that can happen with anyone.
Only that girl has a right to judge OP's intentions.

 

[ChuckLee]

Mike Tyson knew his current wife when she was 12 years old, but he ended up marrying her when she was in her mid 20's and when he was 40.

Sure, use a convicted rapist to justify yourself.

 

[Savak]

After a gap of 2 months in which i avoided speaking to her, i reached out to her and she has started speaking to me and responding to my messages and chats.

Today i told her about my Aspergers Syndrome/Autism Spectrum diagnosis and Social Awkwardness issues and she reacted very supportingly.

I don't know why i am over thinking things and struggling to say the magic words to her. I keep thinking of the following

- Would it be right or selfish of me to just ambush her without getting to know if she genuinely likes someone else that she is fighting for with her folks?

- Is she heart broken, upset over a previous failed relationship?

- How do i say the magic words without looking desperate, needy or lacking in quality options?

 

[Pakistanian]

After a gap of 2 months in which i avoided speaking to her, i reached out to her and she has started speaking to me and responding to my messages and chats.

Today i told her about my Aspergers Syndrome/Autism Spectrum diagnosis and Social Awkwardness issues and she reacted very supportingly.

I don't know why i am over thinking things and struggling to say the magic words to her. I keep thinking of the following

- Would it be right or selfish of me to just ambush her without getting to know if she genuinely likes someone else that she is fighting for with her folks?

- Is she heart broken, upset over a previous failed relationship?

- How do i say the magic words without looking desperate, needy or lacking in quality options?

what magic words? loool don't say "i love you" that is so cringey and you barely know her and aren't even in a relationship, just keep talking casually and see where things go. You might drop a few hints of interest by giving the odd compliment but don't tell her how you feel until you can gauge what wavelength she's on.

That's really it.

 

[Slog]

After a gap of 2 months in which i avoided speaking to her, i reached out to her and she has started speaking to me and responding to my messages and chats.

Today i told her about my Aspergers Syndrome/Autism Spectrum diagnosis and Social Awkwardness issues and she reacted very supportingly.

I don't know why i am over thinking things and struggling to say the magic words to her. I keep thinking of the following

- Would it be right or selfish of me to just ambush her without getting to know if she genuinely likes someone else that she is fighting for with her folks?

- Is she heart broken, upset over a previous failed relationship?

- How do i say the magic words without looking desperate, needy or lacking in quality options?

what are these magic words lol?

 

[GenericBrand]

What a gem of a thread

 

[Savak]

Shared a few pics of a peak prime Mike Tyson with her and asked for her opinion on whether she would be interested in painting him.

I feared she would get offended. But she actually liked it and was like while it wasn't her subject, she doesn't mind doing something different

 

[gkb101277867]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] any updates bro?

 

[Savak]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] any updates bro?

No updates, status quo. Haven't given up but am not driving myself crazy over it either as I have other equally important matters to deal with as well. Am also trying to look at alternative options as well.

 

[in_cutter]

Just go all Shah Rukh Khan/Bollywood on her.

But seriously, you are complicating a relatively everyday life issue. And should you really be discussing about her openly on a forum? What if she was to see this thread?

 

[UP]

Just fricking tell her the whole point. Cut the slack. Be straight to the point. No point loitering around and wasting time.

Its not hard to tell if someone likes you or not. Interested parties message each other all the time. And there are hundreds of other signs if the opposite sex is into you or not.

Whenever I fancy a girl, I never hang around the bush.

 

[Haroon786]

No updates, status quo. Haven't given up but am not driving myself crazy over it either as I have other equally important matters to deal with as well. Am also trying to look at alternative options as well.

Had any flirty talk or tried escalating your chat with her a little?

 

[Savak]

Just fricking tell her the whole point. Cut the slack. Be straight to the point. No point loitering around and wasting time.

Its not hard to tell if someone likes you or not. Interested parties message each other all the time. And there are hundreds of other signs if the opposite sex is into you or not.

Whenever I fancy a girl, I never hang around the bush.

But why desperately rush it? One thing I don't want to do is to show desperation i.e. just randomly messaging her out of the blue about my intentions, feelings Shahrukh Khan style, I want to actually do it during the course of a regular conversation.

I know she is not into me which is why I am now focusing on other pressing issues in life as well for the time being.

 

[Savak]

At the age of 35, I finally got nikaofied to a Pashtun girl from Abbotabad aged 19. First time in my life I have made a decision like this without being infatuated or obsessed with the other person. Mashallah looks wise she is very pretty and I feel she looked much better without make up.

All my immediate, extended relatives, cousins and even friends cannot stop raving about how pretty she is and that I have truly scored in the end. Some of my extended relatives who had vested interests were upset but who cares they can't do anything about it now.

More importantly the girl has been raised in a very traditional conservative environment. She told me that she loves cooking and was boasting about her cooking. She speaks very well and as time passed she got more and more confident.

I assured her you know that I am a very easy going chilled out guy and she should be herself at all times. That I will do whatever I can to make her transition as comfortable as possible and that my view of marriage is that it is a big deal for a girl to leave her parents to enter a new family and it is actually the guys responsibility to ensure his wife is made to feel as comfortable as possible

We talked about so many other things as well but lol that will take the thread to ten pages. But I am happy and most importantly am delighted to see my parents relaxed, chilled and relieved that their final responsibility has been fulfilled.

I am a bit nervous as well given how life is going to change given I have lived a bachelor lifestyle all my life but will have to take things one day at a time and try to be more responsible

 

[uberkoen]

wow. It’s like I’m living in the 70’s

 

[Slog]

At the age of 35, I finally got nikaofied to a Pashtun girl from Abbotabad aged 19. First time in my life I have made a decision like this without being infatuated or obsessed with the other person. Mashallah looks wise she is very pretty and I feel she looked much better without make up.

All my immediate, extended relatives, cousins and even friends cannot stop raving about how pretty she is and that I have truly scored in the end. Some of my extended relatives who had vested interests were upset but who cares they can't do anything about it now.

More importantly the girl has been raised in a very traditional conservative environment. She told me that she loves cooking and was boasting about her cooking. She speaks very well and as time passed she got more and more confident.

I assured her you know that I am a very easy going chilled out guy and she should be herself at all times. That I will do whatever I can to make her transition as comfortable as possible and that my view of marriage is that it is a big deal for a girl to leave her parents to enter a new family and it is actually the guys responsibility to ensure his wife is made to feel as comfortable as possible

We talked about so many other things as well but lol that will take the thread to ten pages. But I am happy and most importantly am delighted to see my parents relaxed, chilled and relieved that their final responsibility has been fulfilled.

I am a bit nervous as well given how life is going to change given I have lived a bachelor lifestyle all my life but will have to take things one day at a time and try to be more responsible

Congrats!

Is she doing university?

 

[Globama]

At the age of 35, I finally got nikaofied to a Pashtun girl from Abbotabad aged 19. First time in my life I have made a decision like this without being infatuated or obsessed with the other person. Mashallah looks wise she is very pretty and I feel she looked much better without make up.

All my immediate, extended relatives, cousins and even friends cannot stop raving about how pretty she is and that I have truly scored in the end. Some of my extended relatives who had vested interests were upset but who cares they can't do anything about it now.

More importantly the girl has been raised in a very traditional conservative environment. She told me that she loves cooking and was boasting about her cooking. She speaks very well and as time passed she got more and more confident.

I assured her you know that I am a very easy going chilled out guy and she should be herself at all times. That I will do whatever I can to make her transition as comfortable as possible and that my view of marriage is that it is a big deal for a girl to leave her parents to enter a new family and it is actually the guys responsibility to ensure his wife is made to feel as comfortable as possible

We talked about so many other things as well but lol that will take the thread to ten pages. But I am happy and most importantly am delighted to see my parents relaxed, chilled and relieved that their final responsibility has been fulfilled.

I am a bit nervous as well given how life is going to change given I have lived a bachelor lifestyle all my life but will have to take things one day at a time and try to be more responsible

Good for you for finally getting married man but publicising the tiniest things about your life online comes across as really cringey and weird.

 

[mgtow]

Glad to hear. Alhamdulillah....

I am happy for you, brother... this week has been amazing so far... Mamoon and you are getting married, Alhamdulillah...

You being major surprised of all as I was worried about you despite how hard I have been to you.... I apologize for that...

Next step is that offer prayer to ALLAH for the blessings to receive and beautiful journey to start as the marriage is not always easy but ALLAH gives us strength to deal with the challenges, Alhamdulillah...

 

[MenInG]

Congratz Bro

 

[Savak]

Congrats!

Is she doing university?

She's studying English Literature but desires to do criminal law going forward. Whatever she desires to do, I will wholeheartedly support her

 

[Savak]

Am getting big reality dose already. Have been so used to chatting, texting on Whatspp without any care about when to respond to people's messages but with ones wife it is a total different ball game and now I stress about delays in responding back to her.

Will need to figure out how to communicate like this with her while still carrying on living a normal life

 

[Pakistanian]

Congratulations although that's quite a steep age gap, even as a 24 year old guy I wouldn't marry a 19 year old.

 

[KingKhanWC]

Congratulations although that's quite a steep age gap, even as a 24 year old guy I wouldn't marry a 19 year old.

Each to their own I guess.
[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] congratulations you finally got there.

So all these years of drama were in reality you wanting a young wife with good looks.

 

[shaz619]

Congrats Savak that's good news mA, all the best for the future; everyone deserves to be happy

 

[Savak]

Each to their own I guess.
[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] congratulations you finally got there.

So all these years of drama were in reality you wanting a young wife with good looks.

Well naturally every guy wants someone attractive. But what I have learnt in my whole life is that these things are preordained by the almighty and the higher powers above. That doesn't mean one should not try their hundred percent to try and control their destiny but I would also advise people to chill, relax and not stress too much either as ultimately things will happen when you least expect it.

But it's funny all this time when I was younger, when one of my parents was healthy I kept getting crap from my immediate, extended relatives and even some friends of mine that I was old, aged out and no longer eligible for good matches.

It's not like I deliberately delayed, avoided marriage just for the sake of it but fact of the matter is that the options being suggested to me were just not good enough and I believed in myself that I could do much better. During this time I was obsessed with my bhabis cousin and therefore I did not even bother to look at another girl especially given thy fact my family didn't have the balls to initiate the wooing process, I hadn't been able to establish a personal private line of communication with her and also no one suggested an alternative reasonable option to me either.

Then unfortunately my mom's health really declined massively and I started to feel really guilty about not being able to give her the happiness of seeing me settled. Watching my dad finally take on a more hands on role in taking care of her inspite of being subjected to massive emotional taunts, abuse also awoke me to the realities that all these things like hot, cute looks, studly prime Imran Khan looks, John Abraham Physique are all temporary things which can be taken from you in a heartbeat and all that ultimately truly matters between a husband and wife especially in old age and sickness was how much they truly cherished, respected and cared for each other, forgave each other for mistakes, arguments and carried on taking care of each other the next day.

Lol I too finally got a breakthrough with my bhabis cousin and managed to interact with her on social media on a more personal one to one level but unfortunately things didn't really go anywhere, I too realized she wasn't entirely the ideal perfect type of person I fantasized about, she stopped responding to me and I accepted the fact that she had a **** load of options to choose from and there was no point in me wasting any more time on a lost cause.

My dad got emotional with me 5-6 months ago given my mom's rapidly declining condition and begged that I agree to settle down, that it would take a huge burden off his shoulders and that my mom's condition is going to be a huge problem with families. So I started becoming more and more open minded with all the matches they suggested to me, I mostly insisted on excellent cooking and excellent home making skills whereas everything else was a bonus.

But it looks like I ended up getting more than I expected . I intend to now live the responsibile, dedicated to one person life now. Fingers crossed how it goes

 

[mgtow]

Am getting big reality dose already. Have been so used to chatting, texting on Whatspp without any care about when to respond to people's messages but with ones wife it is a total different ball game and now I stress about delays in responding back to her.

Will need to figure out how to communicate like this with her while still carrying on living a normal life

From now on, don’t share any conversation you have with your soon-to-be-wife in this forum. Keep your life private for the respect of privacy of your soon-to-be-wife.

Don’t share anything here and give your remaining time with your fiancé and forget about this forum for the time being... All the best with your life, Alhamdulillah...

 

[uberkoen]

I'm sorry but this is really messed up. I can't be the only one to notice this. If this is true, I'm just shocked at why the father of the bride would agree to a proposal like this. This is so weird.

 

[ahsan17]

I'm sorry but this is really messed up. I can't be the only one to notice this. If this is true, I'm just shocked at why the father of the bride would agree to a proposal like this. This is so weird.

Can you elaborate further? What problem do you see?

 

[Savak]

Can you elaborate further? What problem do you see?

Lol there is a Urdu Desi saying "Jab Mian Biwi Raazi, Kya Kare Ga Qazi"

Have gotten this reaction from a few very surprised people including hard core feminists who cannot believe a decently attractive young educated girl agreed to marrying an older guy.

 

[mgtow]

Lol there is a Urdu Desi saying "Jab Mian Biwi Raazi, Kya Kare Ga Qazi"

Have gotten this reaction from a few very surprised people including hard core feminists who cannot believe a decently attractive young educated girl agreed to marrying an older guy.

I am surprised that people are surprised. It is very common that older people marry younger women all the times. It is financially smart decision as the younger women need mentor whereas older men are grown into humble with sabr and ready to teach.

Never ever marry your age or older women than you. Its recipe is disaster waiting to happen...

 

[Savak]

I am surprised that people are surprised. It is very common that older people marry younger women all the times. It is financially smart decision as the younger women need mentor whereas older men are grown into humble with sabr and ready to teach.

Never ever marry your age or older women than you. Its recipe is disaster waiting to happen...

No hard and fast rule but have had bad experiences with mature professionally settled women who tend to compete with you and put on a fake initial show in the ruse to get married to you. I would recommend everyone to tread lightly in such scenarios

 

[JaDed]

I'm sorry but this is really messed up. I can't be the only one to notice this. If this is true, I'm just shocked at why the father of the bride would agree to a proposal like this. This is so weird.

I have seen many Canadians and American Pakistani couples have a huge age difference.. dont think it’s something so surprising unless you are talking about something else.

 

[Savak]

I'm sorry but this is really messed up. I can't be the only one to notice this. If this is true, I'm just shocked at why the father of the bride would agree to a proposal like this. This is so weird.

Same reason Pakistanis proudly vote for PPP and PML N into office inspite of their massive $64 billion of corruption in the last 10 years

 

[ElRaja]

congrats, dont worry about the haters, be good to her and stop posting stuff about ur shared private life on pp going forward.

 

[cricketjoshila]

Congrats.

May the gods bless you with a happy and fulfilling matrimonial life

 

[Savak]

congrats, dont worry about the haters, be good to her and stop posting stuff about ur shared private life on pp going forward.

I will be more selective about what to share and what not to share and will only share if I am completely sure of 100% discretion but what's the harm in getting neutral impartial feedback from people who don't know you and have zero vested interest in you.