Does one always need the girl on his side for arranged marriages today?

[Suleiman]

I think a lot of people OP included have a very misconstrued idea about relationships and marriage and this is a product of the extra barriers the society in our culture puts on guys and girls as they are growing up to not mingle with each other. I mean a university in Pakistan charged a ticket to a student for simply talking to a girl, like wth. You're going against nature and what ends up happening is you have those college kids growing up into men and women in their 30s who rely on mummy and daddy to "arrange" or rather force a marriage with a random someone who you most likely don't know or a first cousin which will have bad implications.

Men begin to think they are entitled to get a girl because they have a job, as if that's where the value comes from, but that's not really the case unless you want a completely superficial relationship, or in this case, marriage.

 

[Savak]

You are overthinking this too much. Just sincerely tell her about your feelings and that you want to send your family over if the feeling is mutual. Given that this is going on for a few years, exactly how you say it would not really make or break your chances. She already knows enough about you to make a decision one way or another.

PS: You come across as a sincere person in your posts and have revealed details that others probably wouldn’t have but I would seriously recommend that you don’t post such sensitive personal details on the internet. Your posts reveal too much about your personal life and for someone who knows you in real life it would be very easy to make a guess about your identity.

No one knows me over here so its all good

 

[Cpt. Rishwat]

One can't generalize. A sensible guy will not marry into a family where they are more excited about getting married into a upper class rich family.

A friend of mine got engaged to a girl where there was a wealth gap between the two and the funny part is he was even involved with that girl for a year. The moment they got engaged, then the girls family started making financial demands, gifts and he eventually got put off and ended things with the girl because he realized the girl and the family were extremely materialistic and were just only excited about the guys and the family bank balance.

I remember also meeting a 40 year old Pakistani guy who was a pretty well established Accountant in a Big 4 firm and had just recently got married. He told me he was once nikofied and married to a Pakistani girl and she was even expecting his child but he divorced her and had filed an application with the embassy requesting to cancel her immigrant visa application which he sponsored and when I quizzed what went wrong, he was like she was just interested in my bank balance, the fact I was giving her an opportunity to come to Canada and he realized that her intentions were not correct. I didn't probe further

Well everyone has some angle to their perfect match. You are talking about materialistic girls, but you also seem to like this girl based on her beauty as at least one of her assets. I am sure you could find a nice girl with a lovely nature who is plain or ugly if you want to rise above the superficial and want to marry a girl who isn't materialistic. Your bhabi's sister isn't the only girl in the world. This is just a fixation and you have to look at the bigger picture.

 

[Donal Cozzie]

Good luck though! Have grown to look forward to these six month updates

I'm not alone. Been following this about 3 years now

Look [MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION], i dont know you outside these threads you create and I dont even follow PP too much anymore but I do remember your threads and I'm just going to give you the following, actual genuine advice, which is something I normally dont do since I tend to take forums and social media light heartedly. I may be a **** but, advice can be helpful regardless where it stems, so here goes.

You seem like a genuinely decent, hard working guy. Some of your views towards what you want in a woman in the past were tbh kinda weird and hypocritical I'll be honest, and not in line with my views, but they were hardly misogynistic or anything offensive. But I mean this absolutely genuinely when I state this.

Seek some professional help. Not even to fix this seeking a partner stuff, but for your own well-being. You alluded to before about some personal conditions and tbh when I read crap like"I spent 10 grand on con artists" like in the OP it sets off a large red flag. Mate you seem to have absolutely no or little emotional support from your mates or family in general on issues (you always seem to be at odds and thy seem very fixed and traditional) so thats why I'm telling you to seek out any form of genuine, qualified professional doctor or psychiatrist to talk to about these things, because you're asking strangers online most of whom are only here for the entertainment and then you're blowing insane quantities of your hard earned money on con artists who see you as a quick buck and peddle ** and lies.

Find a genuine, professional and qualified individual to talk to and help you on these things, because when it comes to finding a woman or a partner, you will never ever manage success ( and by success I mean genuine fulfillment and a loving relationship, not buying someone with money or other stuff you see some people do) without solving your inner issues first or even understanding what you really wnat and how human beings work. Do it secretly if you want, but I strongly advise you at least try it, because I guarantee it'd do more good than any words here can do.

Thread to thread you ask the same questions seeking quick fixes and miracle answers, its why you blew the money on "personality experts" and fortune tellers, but there is no such thing. As for your arranged marriages question, well I'm sure you could easily find a family willing to just marry someone off to whoever but the marriage that would give rise to would be beyond poisonous.

You obviously have serious self confidence issues, hence why you message these people for months without ever going anywhere or even asking at the right time, and with those issues you'll get nowhere fast regardless of what you do, hence why I ask you to seek professional help, and I mean professional not some streetside voodoo witch doctor.

I genuinely hope you listen, not saying my advice is a guarantee win but its sure as hell a lot better than any fortune telling. So to summarise

1) Seek a professional to help you with your personal stuff, even do it secretly if you wish.
2) re the thread title - Technically I'm sure no, you could find a family eventually who'd just marry someone off for the money or to get it done, but you'll be screwed long term with that, so yes, you do need the girl on board. Tbh its a tad scary youd even ask that because why on earth would you wanna marry someone who doesnt want to marry you in the first place.

My two cents. All else fails [MENTION=134809]sensible-indian-fan[/MENTION] is at hand lol

 

[Jin Chacha]

No one knows me over here so its all good

Honestly, I had written that because based on this thread and some of your older posts I thought you were someone I know from school/college days. My hunch maybe wrong but it is better to be careful when posting personal stuff online.

 

[UP]

Money plays a huge role in our society - anyone above or lower than you is a possible deal breaker. Marriage is a pure business transaction in our desi families. If you both like someone above or lower your status class - good luck.

To op - that girl isn’t interested in you. You can try sending your rishta somehow but don’t get your hopes high. She takes a dump everyday just like us - she has the same mess and dirt inside our body like everyone else. That’s what I think when getting over someone.

 

[shaz619]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] have you tried lifting weights ? it will help you overcome your limitations, size issues and insecurities just like how it helped [MENTION=139288]Abdul[/MENTION]

On a level though, feel very sad reading the OP; I hope everything gets sorted in your life.

 

[Abdul]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] have you tried lifting weights ? it will help you overcome your limitations, size issues and insecurities just like how it helped [MENTION=139288]Abdul[/MENTION]

On a level though, feel very sad reading the OP; I hope everything gets sorted in your life.

What kind of disrespect? I was in a relationship long before I started lifting.

 

[shaz619]

What kind of disrespect? I was in a relationship long before I started lifting.

You didn't think about his feelings did you before posting? now you're exposing yourself to be the weakest of the lot

 

[Hadi Rizvi]

Look [MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION], no matter what you do, don't go for a mutual friend to ask what she feels about you. From what I've noticed girls like guys with self-confidence and guts. Maybe if you're cool with her relatives or her close friend, try to get to know more about her or maybe even tell them about all this and ask their opinion (if u trust them).

 

[Savak]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] have you tried lifting weights ? it will help you overcome your limitations, size issues and insecurities just like how it helped [MENTION=139288]Abdul[/MENTION]

On a level though, feel very sad reading the OP; I hope everything gets sorted in your life.

I hit the gym hard to get over my last rejection 10 years ago. Getting in excellent John Abraham type shape definitely helped improve my self confidence.

Unfortunately ever since I moved from Pakistan to Canada 6 years ago, I have been so busy academically trying to get myself up to par with Canadian education credentials, then finding a job, holding on to the job and then having to balance work with studies that going to the gym went for an absolute toss and I am completely out of shape and a far cry from what I was in 2012.

 

[Savak]

Lol do I need to pay people to get them to share their experiences on how they told their gf's, life partners, wives their feelings?

 

[in_cutter]

One can hit the gym all they like...you might grow in confidence but most girls look past the big muscles.

 

[Slog]

Lol do I need to pay people to get them to share their experiences on how they told their gf's, life partners, wives their feelings?

[MENTION=136108]Donal Cozzie[/MENTION] gave the best advice imo

I understand why you would be Skeptical and not even consider it. Most desis are the same. It's just not in our culture. But it helped my friend a lot beyond my imagination so I would give it a try even in secret

 

[shaz619]

I hit the gym hard to get over my last rejection 10 years ago. Getting in excellent John Abraham type shape definitely helped improve my self confidence.

Unfortunately ever since I moved from Pakistan to Canada 6 years ago, I have been so busy academically trying to get myself up to par with Canadian education credentials, then finding a job, holding on to the job and then having to balance work with studies that going to the gym went for an absolute toss and I am completely out of shape and a far cry from what I was in 2012.

Also, it would have been better if you moved to the UK. You'd find that big corporations at the top would treat you much better then in Canada and the culture you'd find a lot more suitable, they have a third world approach to their work force in Canada; I understand it because they tend to hire many Indians so need to get the danda out but you didn't deserve that. I know others to who have been treated unfairly in Canada and they are a night mare to deal with when it comes to doing business as well, they are basically like dothraki

 

[barah_admi]

Lol, did you read the OP. I have exhausted the family option.

Honestly I could not read the whole thing lol

Look, if you can not reach out to the girl, the family and so on, then maybe it is time to move on. I know it's hard, trust me, but man that is life.

 

[Abdul]

You didn't think about his feelings did you before posting? now you're exposing yourself to be the weakest of the lot

I never had "limitations" or "insecurities" like you mentioned.

 

[Rayyman]

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

Try this many times and you'll succeed.

Problem is you're still stuck at 1.

 

[Savak]

Also, it would have been better if you moved to the UK. You'd find that big corporations at the top would treat you much better then in Canada and the culture you'd find a lot more suitable, they have a third world approach to their work force in Canada; I understand it because they tend to hire many Indians so need to get the danda out but you didn't deserve that. I know others to who have been treated unfairly in Canada and they are a night mare to deal with when it comes to doing business as well, they are basically like dothraki

I will explore options outside Canada the moment I get the CPA designation in my belt. That might take me another 2 years

 

[sjahmed23]

Bro take it easy. If you like the person ask them out for coffee or chai, if they like the idea you're in business if they say no ask again. Keep repeating until it happens or the girl gets married to someone else.

Chatting and stuff is nice but the best way is meeting face to face.

And remember life is short, don't dwell on something for too long.

 

[cricketjoshila]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION]

I have gone through your threads for sometime. Its a sensitive situation so if my opinion offends you, please forgive me.

You have chased this girl and she hasnt reciprocated. Its highly unlikely that a girl of that age wont understand why you keep contacting her. So may be she is simply not interested. Thats something you have to keep in mind.

You once mentioned that this girl's father was a high ranking Pak Army officer a Lt gen or Maj Gen. So all the things regarding finances and luxury that you can offer, she may be already used to it and is of little interest to her.

Your own career hasnot taken off and by your own admission its struggling. That fact may not be hidden from her family or from her. Its a big obstacle for anyone.

She is 10yrs younger to you and may not be interested in a much older guy.

She may have already decided to marry her boyfriend.

You family's reluctance to even breach the topic with the girls family means they may have received indication that the match will be rejected.

Find someone who is interested in you. Yes its difficult to overcome this liking but then you have no other option.

 

[cricketjoshila]

You're not entitled to a girl just because you never smoked and never did drugs. There are far richer, better looking and all round better people than you.

This is not to attack you or [MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION], but I see this thinking so much in Pakistanis. I'm successful, ergo she should marry me. It doesn't work like that.

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION], she ignored you, she doesn't like you. It's time to move on. You're successful and can still get married to someone. Just not her.

Honestly, you'll be creating issues for your own Bhabhi by pursuing this

Money isnt always an advantage. Trust me i know.

 

[Savak]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION]

I have gone through your threads for sometime. Its a sensitive situation so if my opinion offends you, please forgive me.

You have chased this girl and she hasnt reciprocated. Its highly unlikely that a girl of that age wont understand why you keep contacting her. So may be she is simply not interested. Thats something you have to keep in mind.

You once mentioned that this girl's father was a high ranking Pak Army officer a Lt gen or Maj Gen. So all the things regarding finances and luxury that you can offer, she may be already used to it and is of little interest to her.

Your own career hasnot taken off and by your own admission its struggling. That fact may not be hidden from her family or from her. Its a big obstacle for anyone.

She is 10yrs younger to you and may not be interested in a much older guy.

She may have already decided to marry her boyfriend.

You family's reluctance to even breach the topic with the girls family means they may have received indication that the match will be rejected.

Find someone who is interested in you. Yes its difficult to overcome this liking but then you have no other option.

If I wanted to be negative, then I would think about all these obvious things. The purpose of this thread was not to have the negative obstacles repeated but to get people to share how they said the magic words to their gfs, wives e.t.c.

 

[cricketjoshila]

If I wanted to be negative, then I would think about all these obvious things. The purpose of this thread was not to have the negative obstacles repeated but to get people to share how they said the magic words to their gfs, wives e.t.c.

You sure she already doesnot know your intentions?

 

[cricketjoshila]

If I wanted to be negative, then I would think about all these obvious things. The purpose of this thread was not to have the negative obstacles repeated but to get people to share how they said the magic words to their gfs, wives e.t.c.

Negative is a ever present truth. Accepting it helps. Only if you know which one is the obstacle you can hope to find a way. Apparently you have no idea what the issue is?

What works for one doesnt work for others.

 

[Musakhel]

Gym is just a copeing mechanism , face is everything when it comes to initial attraction, height 2nd.

 

[UP]

99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

Try this many times and you'll succeed.

Problem is you're still stuck at 1.

Those 999999999 dont matter if you think she is the one.

 

[in_cutter]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] get the message...she is not interested..?

 

[Rayyman]

Those 999999999 dont matter if you think she is the one.

You're right. If one person is still in your mind, then you will never give your full effort/attention/commitment to someone else.

BTW I'm not a fan of these phrases like "The One," and "Soulmates." It's really just jibberish made up to make people feel good.

 

[TM Riddle]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] all I can say is :
Remember the people about whom we thought we could never live without, who were the reason behind our happiness , they are gone and yet still here we are, alive and kicking.


Or as the passenger would say: "Only know you love her when you let her go" [MENTION=46929]shaz619[/MENTION]

 

[Savak]

Lol at people mentioning plenty of fish in the sea. Ofcourse I know that theoretically but have you guys ever empathetically considered that the options being presented to me by my parents, extended relatives are not that good and that they do genuinely believe I have aged out and that I have no choice but to compromise and accept whatever I can get?

 

[Bhaag Viru Bhaag]

I don’t understand why Savak thinks that these 22yr old’s should “like him” like the way he does?? They also have a life, they might be attracted towards more younger handsome established males than him. He is thinking only from his point of view and is projecting her as some trophy wife/a catch than a life partner. Sorry to say but you deserve to be get dumped here. Respect the girl’s opinion too sometimes.

You are bringing age gap into this.

If Shahid Kapoor can marry a girl who is 10 years younger than him or if Milind Soman can marry a girl 25 years younger than him then why can't [MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] do it? Do these girls not get attracted towards younger males? What's the reason for that?

 

[Savak]

You are bringing age gap into this.

If Shahid Kapoor can marry a girl who is 10 years younger than him or if Milind Soman can marry a girl 25 years younger than him then why can't [MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] do it? Do these girls not get attracted towards younger males? What's the reason for that?

Lol. I see age gaps in the West all the time. Its very common in Hollywood and Bollywood. Yes its a problem in todays time but not impossible.

 

[cricketjoshila]

Lol. I see age gaps in the West all the time. Its very common in Hollywood and Bollywood. Yes its a problem in todays time but not impossible.

Have you actually tried to find out what the actual problem is?

 

[UP]

Why don’t you meet up/call/text with other potential rishtas who your parents refer to and see if you click?

You are just wasting your time right now by chasing someone who gives zero *****. Either be straight to point or cut the **.

 

[Savak]

Why don’t you meet up/call/text with other potential rishtas who your parents refer to and see if you click?

You are just wasting your time right now by chasing someone. Either be straight to point or cut the **.

Maybe because I am not attracted to those rishtas being referred to me. If you guys can side with a girl who is not reciprocating my feelings so far, then why encourage me to consider other options I am not interested or attracted to right now?

 

[cricketjoshila]

Maybe because I am not attracted to those rishtas being referred to me. If you guys can side with a girl who is not reciprocating my feelings so far, then why encourage me to consider other options I am not interested or attracted to right now?

Then wait for an option thats acceptable to both sides.

 

[UP]

I met my current long distance gf three years ago through facebook - I saw her in the wedding album and found out who she was and messaged her on fb and boom we clicked. She was a mere foot away from me in the wedding but I never saw her in the actual wedding. Funny how you can meet someone.

She told me right away that this potential rishta will be impossible since she is from the lower status - I brushed her off at that time thinking my dad will never differentiate but she was right - I faced extremely tough time last year and I literally begged to a dead wall. And its been a year and there’s little to no sign of being us together. It has made angry and stressed out at my own family. I become angry and lose my patience when I talk to my father.

The point is you are not alone - there are millions of people who go through this desi **.

 

[Slog]

Apparently Shilhar Dhawan pulled what you want OP lol

Never formally met the girl.... Just Facebook message

Wierd world we have

 

[TM Riddle]

Apparently Shilhar Dhawan pulled what you want OP lol

Never formally met the girl.... Just Facebook message

Wierd world we have

Add to that she's 10 years older than him.
Complete reverse of OP's situation lol.
But Shikhar is a multi millionaire sports star who could apparently get any woman he wanted as long as he put in a little effort.

 

[Savak]

I met my current long distance gf three years ago through facebook - I saw her in the wedding album and found out who she was and messaged her on fb and boom we clicked. She was a mere foot away from me in the wedding but I never saw her in the actual wedding. Funny how you can meet someone.

She told me right away that this potential rishta will be impossible since she is from the lower status - I brushed her off at that time thinking my dad will never differentiate but she was right - I faced extremely tough time last year and I literally begged to a dead wall. And its been a year and there’s little to no sign of being us together. It has made angry and stressed out at my own family. I become angry and lose my patience when I talk to my father.

The point is you are not alone - there are millions of people who go through this desi **.

My commiseration. Some people are telling me that all this talk of you knowing the girl first, having her on her side or being in a relationship with her before taking the matter up with your parents is all ** and that the only reason my folks are doing this i.e. telling me to get the girl on my side before coming to them is because they are not in favor of this girl in the first place and also because they are hoping that the girl will turn me down and therefore resolving the problem for them even more easily. Had they been in favor of the girl and my wishes, they would have gone to the parents fearlessly asking for her hand for me.

 

[Rayyman]

Lol at people mentioning plenty of fish in the sea. Ofcourse I know that theoretically but have you guys ever empathetically considered that the options being presented to me by my parents, extended relatives are not that good and that they do genuinely believe I have aged out and that I have no choice but to compromise and accept whatever I can get?

You are bringing your parents into this. Imo you shouldn't. Families are the last subject when it comes to this. Should only come to the picture when/if it comes to marriage.

It doesn't have to be someone that your family is presenting to you. Again, you are objectifying a bit here by saying "options that are presented to me." That is not how you talk about people.

As others have said, try to socialize a bit more, maybe go to the gym. Don't want to hear the excuse of no time, there's always time if you make it. Even if you don't go to social events, try your hand elsewhere with some small talk. Even at like the mall or supermarket (okay maybe not ). Talk, have a good conversation, ask for her number or something idk. I mean you're in Canada you should feel blessed. It's a lot easier there than for someone in Pakistan. If you're religious then you don't have to date but something of that sort is recommended otherwise you will be stuck with one of those girls you don't want.

 

[humzy]

you are way too invested in a girl based off her looks. Relax, do your own thing. build a life that other people would want to be a part of and a lovely girl will come your way regardless. This one obviously has no interest in you so move on.

 

[JaDed]

[MENTION=137142]JaDed[/MENTION] in what way would u say rishta process is diff between India and Pak.

I think for one if you like the girl..you would go for love marriage another being if its arranged,its completely arranged, don't know any guy who asked his parents to go ask for rishta coz he likes her he would speak and convince the girl ,thats semi-arranged a concept similar to finding marriage partner on Shaadi.com

 

[Syed1]

I think for one if you like the girl..you would go for love marriage another being if its arranged,its completely arranged, don't know any guy who asked his parents to go ask for rishta coz he likes her he would speak and convince the girl ,thats semi-arranged a concept similar to finding marriage partner on Shaadi.com

These days in Pak there is another new concept... the girls and guys parents meet each other and also see the girl/guy. If both sets of "baray" feel it is a good match then the girl and guy are allowed to chat over Whatsapp and meet etc.... if the two feel it is a good match then they give go ahead to their folks to start the preparation for the marriage. Basically arranged marriage for the 21st century lol

 

[Savak]

These days in Pak there is another new concept... the girls and guys parents meet each other and also see the girl/guy. If both sets of "baray" feel it is a good match then the girl and guy are allowed to chat over Whatsapp and meet etc.... if the two feel it is a good match then they give go ahead to their folks to start the preparation for the marriage. Basically arranged marriage for the 21st century lol

I can tell you about my baby sister. A family was recommended by an intermediary. Both the families met for dinner arranged via the intermediary and during that meeting the guys family requested for permission for the guy and the girl to exchange Whatsapp information so that they can remain in touch so that they can get to know each other and take it from there. From there things developed.

 

[Suleiman]

Add to that she's 10 years older than him.
Complete reverse of OP's situation lol.
But Shikhar is a multi millionaire sports star who could apparently get any woman he wanted as long as he put in a little effort.

Exactly. The whole "sliding into the DMs" is carried out pretty easily by NFL stars and even college level athletes in the US, probably the same everywhere else where you have some fame.

 

[Abdul]

You're either born an alpha male or you're not. No other way around it. Just learn to accept rejection, goddamnit. You can't force anyone to like you.

 

[Pakistanian]

You're either born an alpha male or you're not. No other way around it. Just learn to accept rejection, goddamnit. You can't force anyone to like you.

Basically if you're wealthy and successful then you're an alpha male, for the other guys just keep grindin cause confidence comes with success.

 

[Abdul]

Basically if you're wealthy and successful then you're an alpha male, for the other guys just keep grindin cause confidence comes with success.

Nah, it depends upon what kind of people you grew up with.

 

[ManFan]

Nah, it depends upon what kind of people you grew up with.

You’re an average of the five people you most spend time with.

 

[ManFan]

You're either born an alpha male or you're not. No other way around it. Just learn to accept rejection, goddamnit. You can't force anyone to like you.

You do realize that there’s no such thing as an “alpha male”?

The author David Wech, who coined that term studying packs of wolves, later rejected his now globally accepted original thesis.

It turns out, that the “alpha male” in a group of wolves was just a really good parent.

But I understand what you are trying to say and that mentality comes from a mindset that you develop with experiences and not some natural intuition.

 

[ManFan]

Three things I have noticed about women:

1). You have to have some leverage; something to offer. It can be wealth, security, and or affection.

2). Always give respect but do not flatter. Call it like it is.

3). Women are susceptible through the ears as men are through the eyes.

 

[JaDed]

These days in Pak there is another new concept... the girls and guys parents meet each other and also see the girl/guy. If both sets of "baray" feel it is a good match then the girl and guy are allowed to chat over Whatsapp and meet etc.... if the two feel it is a good match then they give go ahead to their folks to start the preparation for the marriage. Basically arranged marriage for the 21st century lol

Yes that is here as well..Skype,Whatsapp etc..it does get awkward if it doesn't follow through..which happens as well.

 

[Pakistanian]

Nah, it depends upon what kind of people you grew up with.

If the people around you are wealthy and successful then yeah you have a higher chance of being like them but all men are capable of personal growth, just keep grindin - success will follow and confidence is just a natural by product of that. Like [MENTION=49152]humzy[/MENTION] said make a life somebody would want to be a part of.

Das my 2 cents, peace out.

 

[Savak]

You're either born an alpha male or you're not. No other way around it. Just learn to accept rejection, goddamnit. You can't force anyone to like you.

A lot of Alpha males don't have that special relationship with someone. Look at Imran Khan

 

[Pakistanian]

A lot of Alpha males don't have that special relationship with someone. Look at Imran Khan

True alpha men don't need a relationship or a mentor.

 

[Pakistanian]

Gym is just a copeing mechanism , face is everything when it comes to initial attraction, height 2nd.

Maybe in the subcontinent. Over here women look at the whole package and working out can bring your face out better. If you look malnourished or obese then you won't reach your full potential and won't look as good.

 

[humzy]

If the people around you are wealthy and successful then yeah you have a higher chance of being like them but all men are capable of personal growth, just keep grindin - success will follow and confidence is just a natural by product of that. Like [MENTION=49152]humzy[/MENTION] said make a life somebody would want to be a part of.

Das my 2 cents, peace out.

well said. People who are always grinding will turn into THAT dude, no matter where you start at. Those that simply accept their status in life will always be losers.

 

[RickyG]

Going to be very blunt and it's up to you to accept it or not:

1. She doesn't like you, never has and never will. Get over it. If it helps, be direct about how you feel and when she turns you down then you won't leave yourself any other option but to get over it. The off chance that she does like you, then your problem is solved.

2. Surround yourself with better friends/people. It sounds like you don't have any positive influences around you. Re-evaluate who contributes constructively to your life and who you keep around because you're afraid of being friend-less.

3. Re-assess your priorities. You got a career/job etc so one day you can land a great wife. Your career should be for you. The way you use your time should be for you. Stop doing things based on what you think a potential wife will want, it's a turn-off and unattractive. Do things for yourself so that you don't need a wife to be happy. I'll tell you now, even if you found a woman you won't be happy because you'll be doing things for her and she will only be with you so she can take advantage of that.

4. You never dated a woman in your life I'm not sure what makes you think you can score any woman you want. Go out on dates. Get dating apps. Interact with the opposite sex and you'll learn more about yourself. You're not entitled to anything and certainly not a woman, everything is earned.

5. Build up some confidence and self-esteem. Take it from someone who has suffered from periodic confidence/self-doubt issues. Women can smell that on you from miles away. You can do small things by putting yourself out of your comfort zone from time to time/looking people in the eye etc and it will go a long way. Or get a life coach/therapist.

6. Be less harsh on your parents. They want the best for you and often know whats best for you better than you do. They're not always great communicators. If I told my parents to take a rishta for Momina Mustehsan, they would say no because there is no point.

7. Stop the self-pity. People will take your self-pity and feel better about themselves and make you feel worse. Actually, this is the most important thing to take from this. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. No one cares. People only care if you come out of adversity not that you feel sorry for yourself.

8. Learn to cope with disappointments. A girl turned you down, get over it. It's not that serious. You've spent more than half a decade crying about it. The only thing you lost was time. Same goes for your disappointments about getting fired etc.

9. Re-evaluate your perspective. Be grateful for what you have rather crying about what you think you're entitled to.

10. Take responsibility for yourself. Stop blaming everyone around you for your unhappiness. Only you can implement the changes you want to see in your life. You want to be happy then make decisions that will ultimately give you happiness. And if you genuinely can't, refer to a therapist/psychologist. There's no shame in that despite the stigma.

 

[AssassinatedDevil]

Savak, just take a chill pill and go on a holiday. This much sadness and negativity isn't gonna do you any good.

 

[Savak]

Savak, just take a chill pill and go on a holiday. This much sadness and negativity isn't gonna do you any good.

Lol, I haven't been on a true Holiday for like forever. But a Holiday will not change reality.

 

[Syed1]

Going to be very blunt and it's up to you to accept it or not:

1. She doesn't like you, never has and never will. Get over it. If it helps, be direct about how you feel and when she turns you down then you won't leave yourself any other option but to get over it. The off chance that she does like you, then your problem is solved.

2. Surround yourself with better friends/people. It sounds like you don't have any positive influences around you. Re-evaluate who contributes constructively to your life and who you keep around because you're afraid of being friend-less.

3. Re-assess your priorities. You got a career/job etc so one day you can land a great wife. Your career should be for you. The way you use your time should be for you. Stop doing things based on what you think a potential wife will want, it's a turn-off and unattractive. Do things for yourself so that you don't need a wife to be happy. I'll tell you now, even if you found a woman you won't be happy because you'll be doing things for her and she will only be with you so she can take advantage of that.

4. You never dated a woman in your life I'm not sure what makes you think you can score any woman you want. Go out on dates. Get dating apps. Interact with the opposite sex and you'll learn more about yourself. You're not entitled to anything and certainly not a woman, everything is earned.

5. Build up some confidence and self-esteem. Take it from someone who has suffered from periodic confidence/self-doubt issues. Women can smell that on you from miles away. You can do small things by putting yourself out of your comfort zone from time to time/looking people in the eye etc and it will go a long way. Or get a life coach/therapist.

6. Be less harsh on your parents. They want the best for you and often know whats best for you better than you do. They're not always great communicators. If I told my parents to take a rishta for Momina Mustehsan, they would say no because there is no point.

7. Stop the self-pity. People will take your self-pity and feel better about themselves and make you feel worse. Actually, this is the most important thing to take from this. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. No one cares. People only care if you come out of adversity not that you feel sorry for yourself.

8. Learn to cope with disappointments. A girl turned you down, get over it. It's not that serious. You've spent more than half a decade crying about it. The only thing you lost was time. Same goes for your disappointments about getting fired etc.

9. Re-evaluate your perspective. Be grateful for what you have rather crying about what you think you're entitled to.

10. Take responsibility for yourself. Stop blaming everyone around you for your unhappiness. Only you can implement the changes you want to see in your life. You want to be happy then make decisions that will ultimately give you happiness. And if you genuinely can't, refer to a therapist/psychologist. There's no shame in that despite the stigma.

Beautiful post

 

[zeusathon]

In Pakistan, you dont need girl on your side for 99% of cases regardless of how convincing it seems. Its only a thin sheet that can clear minor obstacle. Your own specs are going to decide the actual deal.

I had few on my side in past who claimed big things. But when the time came (choose or die), they all had negative istakhara or their parents majburi popped up, all of them ended up marrying round belly short men who were rich thanks to their parents.

But since your case involves resistance from your own parents, only you can convince your parents to pick up the fight. Try to find a balance between pushing your parents and pushing them bit too hard.

 

[zeusathon]

Going to be very blunt and it's up to you to accept it or not:

1. She doesn't like you, never has and never will. Get over it. If it helps, be direct about how you feel and when she turns you down then you won't leave yourself any other option but to get over it. The off chance that she does like you, then your problem is solved.

2. Surround yourself with better friends/people. It sounds like you don't have any positive influences around you. Re-evaluate who contributes constructively to your life and who you keep around because you're afraid of being friend-less.

3. Re-assess your priorities. You got a career/job etc so one day you can land a great wife. Your career should be for you. The way you use your time should be for you. Stop doing things based on what you think a potential wife will want, it's a turn-off and unattractive. Do things for yourself so that you don't need a wife to be happy. I'll tell you now, even if you found a woman you won't be happy because you'll be doing things for her and she will only be with you so she can take advantage of that.

4. You never dated a woman in your life I'm not sure what makes you think you can score any woman you want. Go out on dates. Get dating apps. Interact with the opposite sex and you'll learn more about yourself. You're not entitled to anything and certainly not a woman, everything is earned.

5. Build up some confidence and self-esteem. Take it from someone who has suffered from periodic confidence/self-doubt issues. Women can smell that on you from miles away. You can do small things by putting yourself out of your comfort zone from time to time/looking people in the eye etc and it will go a long way. Or get a life coach/therapist.

6. Be less harsh on your parents. They want the best for you and often know whats best for you better than you do. They're not always great communicators. If I told my parents to take a rishta for Momina Mustehsan, they would say no because there is no point.

7. Stop the self-pity. People will take your self-pity and feel better about themselves and make you feel worse. Actually, this is the most important thing to take from this. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. No one cares. People only care if you come out of adversity not that you feel sorry for yourself.

8. Learn to cope with disappointments. A girl turned you down, get over it. It's not that serious. You've spent more than half a decade crying about it. The only thing you lost was time. Same goes for your disappointments about getting fired etc.

9. Re-evaluate your perspective. Be grateful for what you have rather crying about what you think you're entitled to.

10. Take responsibility for yourself. Stop blaming everyone around you for your unhappiness. Only you can implement the changes you want to see in your life. You want to be happy then make decisions that will ultimately give you happiness. And if you genuinely can't, refer to a therapist/psychologist. There's no shame in that despite the stigma.

I agree with the confidence, self-pity, acceptance and evaluation part. Rest are not valid for our culture.

 

[DeadBall]

Don't fret man, we have our very own resident @Rishta_Aunty. Although seems to have gone off the radar of late. Could probably solve your issue for a fraction of 10k.

 

[DeadBall]

From my personal experience I married a Romanian Catholic Orthodox and she did not convert. She is as religious as most here (although eastern europeans are a bit more religious) but that usually extends to celebrating Christmas, Baptisms etc, i,e mostly due to tradition rather than religion. I take her to the church when she wants to light a candle at Easter or be the Godfather to her best friends child and go through the motions at a church but I just do that because I love her. She also did Nikah in Dubai and Pakistan for my mother (not for me, as I don't care) and family so she could be more accepted (not that she cares either). We have been married due to family 4 times, in Dubai, Pakistan from my side and Germany and Romania from her side, again all due to her insistence as she is quite traditional and wanted to do things right as I couldn't be bothered less.

My sister married a Christian Canadian white guy, don't know his sect as he does not care about religion and is a really cool laid back guy. He even converted to Islam and was renamed "Yousuf" when he was in Dubai just through go through all the legal loopholes so she could travel back with him.

One sister married a Lebanese guy and the other an Egyptian. Basically we all did what we wanted to.

My point of view is your life is your life and even though whatever our parents did for us, at the end of the day it is our lives. Everyone loves their parents but the Desi parents go overboard in deciding the future of their children (who are actually adults) and if they are staying together then starts all the inter family saans bahu drama.

My advice is to become a man and decide your own faith, tell your parents that no matter how much you love them, this is your life and you have to live it in the end. There will be a few tears and dramas at the start but in the end they will come come to respect your point of view and if not then too bad as they never will, finding other excuses and will always be interfering in your life no matter what.

Mostly just do (when possible, and even when not possible) what you want otherwise you will end up cursing other people. You may end up doing something wrong yourself but it is better (albeit easier) than blaming others.

 

[PakLFC]

Weird thread! If the girl is unhappy or not on the groom's side then surely it becomes a forced marriage. It is very important to be inside, she must be pleased with the proposal otherwise it wont work.

 

[JaDed]

Going to be very blunt and it's up to you to accept it or not:

1. She doesn't like you, never has and never will. Get over it. If it helps, be direct about how you feel and when she turns you down then you won't leave yourself any other option but to get over it. The off chance that she does like you, then your problem is solved.

2. Surround yourself with better friends/people. It sounds like you don't have any positive influences around you. Re-evaluate who contributes constructively to your life and who you keep around because you're afraid of being friend-less.

3. Re-assess your priorities. You got a career/job etc so one day you can land a great wife. Your career should be for you. The way you use your time should be for you. Stop doing things based on what you think a potential wife will want, it's a turn-off and unattractive. Do things for yourself so that you don't need a wife to be happy. I'll tell you now, even if you found a woman you won't be happy because you'll be doing things for her and she will only be with you so she can take advantage of that.

4. You never dated a woman in your life I'm not sure what makes you think you can score any woman you want. Go out on dates. Get dating apps. Interact with the opposite sex and you'll learn more about yourself. You're not entitled to anything and certainly not a woman, everything is earned.

5. Build up some confidence and self-esteem. Take it from someone who has suffered from periodic confidence/self-doubt issues. Women can smell that on you from miles away. You can do small things by putting yourself out of your comfort zone from time to time/looking people in the eye etc and it will go a long way. Or get a life coach/therapist.

6. Be less harsh on your parents. They want the best for you and often know whats best for you better than you do. They're not always great communicators. If I told my parents to take a rishta for Momina Mustehsan, they would say no because there is no point.

7. Stop the self-pity. People will take your self-pity and feel better about themselves and make you feel worse. Actually, this is the most important thing to take from this. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. No one cares. People only care if you come out of adversity not that you feel sorry for yourself.

8. Learn to cope with disappointments. A girl turned you down, get over it. It's not that serious. You've spent more than half a decade crying about it. The only thing you lost was time. Same goes for your disappointments about getting fired etc.

9. Re-evaluate your perspective. Be grateful for what you have rather crying about what you think you're entitled to.

10. Take responsibility for yourself. Stop blaming everyone around you for your unhappiness. Only you can implement the changes you want to see in your life. You want to be happy then make decisions that will ultimately give you happiness. And if you genuinely can't, refer to a therapist/psychologist. There's no shame in that despite the stigma.

POTW , top post irrespective of situation.

 

[PakLFC]

Take "no" for an answer instead of feeding her ego thereby forcing her to reconsider. Ladies respect men who accept rejection the first time instead of chasing them around. I would never chase after a lady no matter how gorgeous she is as I've to much self respect. One "no" is enough for me

 

[Slog]

From my personal experience I married a Romanian Catholic Orthodox and she did not convert. She is as religious as most here (although eastern europeans are a bit more religious) but that usually extends to celebrating Christmas, Baptisms etc, i,e mostly due to tradition rather than religion. I take her to the church when she wants to light a candle at Easter or be the Godfather to her best friends child and go through the motions at a church but I just do that because I love her. She also did Nikah in Dubai and Pakistan for my mother (not for me, as I don't care) and family so she could be more accepted (not that she cares either). We have been married due to family 4 times, in Dubai, Pakistan from my side and Germany and Romania from her side, again all due to her insistence as she is quite traditional and wanted to do things right as I couldn't be bothered less.

My sister married a Christian Canadian white guy, don't know his sect as he does not care about religion and is a really cool laid back guy. He even converted to Islam and was renamed "Yousuf" when he was in Dubai just through go through all the legal loopholes so she could travel back with him.

One sister married a Lebanese guy and the other an Egyptian. Basically we all did what we wanted to.

My point of view is your life is your life and even though whatever our parents did for us, at the end of the day it is our lives. Everyone loves their parents but the Desi parents go overboard in deciding the future of their children (who are actually adults) and if they are staying together then starts all the inter family saans bahu drama.

My advice is to become a man and decide your own faith, tell your parents that no matter how much you love them, this is your life and you have to live it in the end. There will be a few tears and dramas at the start but in the end they will come come to respect your point of view and if not then too bad as they never will, finding other excuses and will always be interfering in your life no matter what.

Mostly just do (when possible, and even when not possible) what you want otherwise you will end up cursing other people. You may end up doing something wrong yourself but it is better (albeit easier) than blaming others.

Are both your parents traditional Pakistani?

It is surprising that how all of you siblings married waaayyy outside the culture and religion. Well obviously it is our choice at the end of the day but it is also true that we are shaped by our family and the upbringing we receive. Someone who grew up in a very traditional household is less likely to make such decisions let along have all siblings do that

 

[DeadBall]

Are both your parents traditional Pakistani?

It is surprising that how all of you siblings married waaayyy outside the culture and religion. Well obviously it is our choice at the end of the day but it is also true that we are shaped by our family and the upbringing we receive. Someone who grew up in a very traditional household is less likely to make such decisions let along have all siblings do that

My mother is Emarati (UAE) and father Pakistani, guess they set the blueprint there themselves, but a mix of Arab PLUS Pakistani is even more family protocol etc. My parents never really agreed on much but on one thing they always agreed is one should be/marry whoever they want. The did get a lot of thirchi nazrain back in the day, especially my mother as she was supposedly marrying into an inferior race but mostly with us we have married into other races/communities who have more of sincere curious rather than blatant racism and just go through the motions. Not to say there weren't but most of them came along in the end, it's just a fear of something new and ignorance.

The uncle of my wife is a very well known supremacist racist but his wife convinced him (as so did mine to me) that we stay at their farmhouse for the weekend, by the time we left he was saying what a pleasure it was to meet me, although he did make sure to tell me that I was much better than the Blacks and The Chinese. Funnily enough his daughter brought a Chinese guy to dinner of late and they as he told me are off his list. One step at a time.

 

[shaz619]

[MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] all I can say is :
Remember the people about whom we thought we could never live without, who were the reason behind our happiness , they are gone and yet still here we are, alive and kicking.


Or as the passenger would say: "Only know you love her when you let her go" [MENTION=46929]shaz619[/MENTION]

And I think [MENTION=2501]Savak[/MENTION] needs to get some pro help, none of those silly spiritual healers but proper mental health support, am not sure how it works in Canada but here's a link:

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/mental-health-services/mental-health-get-help.html

A MH adviser can really help you or a MH therapist hopefully, more practical as well

 

[Savak]

What if i revealed to everyone that i have Aspergers Syndrome (Level 1)?

 

[DeadBall]

What if i revealed to everyone that i have Aspergers Syndrome (Level 1)?

For starters, all your previous posts would make much more sense.

Or not.

All I remember about Aspergers Syndrome is Shahrukh Khan's overacting and inability to cross streets with yellow paint on them.

 

[Napa]

All my life my parents and elders raised me to believe that all a guy has to do whenever he fancies someone is to just tell his parents and that they will go the girls parents, elders and try to get the ball rolling...

Rules for life that are pertinent in your case:

1) Don't fall in love with a girl who doesn't show any signs of reciprocating.

2) If you didn't follow the above rule, then resolve the issue by asking her. If she says yes then well and good, if no then move on. There are actually many other women in the world who you can have a great relationship with, and life is finite and should not be wasted.

 

[humzy]

there is some solid advice in this thread for you.
But it seems like you are trying to figure out ways to win the girl over, which shows your lack of awareness of women and how they work.
You can’t win the girl over with words or forcing her. The only way is to make a great life for yourself that someone would want to be a part of. Then most girls would happily join you on that journey.
I guarantee you by the time you have built that life this girl won’t even matter to you anymore.

 

[Musakhel]

Maybe in the subcontinent. Over here women look at the whole package and working out can bring your face out better. If you look malnourished or obese then you won't reach your full potential and won't look as good.

How is gym going help someone if they have a recessed chin, round features, crooked teeth, bird nose or bug eyes?

 

[Pakistanian]

How is gym going help someone if they have a recessed chin, round features, crooked teeth, bird nose or bug eyes?

Crooked teeth can be fixed by dentists. As for the other features, you physique can draw away attention from your "uglier features". I live in a country where guys like travis scott date girls like kylie Jenner, interracial dating is very common here and girls look past those features. You just need big muscles, a nice car, straight teeth and money.

If you're deficient in one area then you gotta make it up in other areas, a defeatist won't help you or OP. People here don't think like that and if you're a guy then your game shouldn't be dependent on your looks, that's what game is all about.

 

[Pakistanian]

[MENTION=142623]Musakhel[/MENTION]
Edit: also having so many ugly features in one person isn't so common otherwise that's an extreme scenario

Most people have at least one nice facial feature that they should leverage.