Parenting a teenager is a tricky thing, and there is never one clear answer to any question when it comes to them. It seems to be standard practice now to present all the evidence for both sides of an argument and let mom decided what will work for their family and their teenager. Teenagers are entering a stage where they are trying to move away from their parents and gain some independence, according to Empowering Parents. They likely have their own phones, their own social media accounts and their own lives.
This can be a nervous transition for mom. Mom has just spent the last 16 years caring for her child and monitoring everything they have done, and now she is expected to just let them go and trust that they know what they are doing. It may cause mom to want to check-in on their phone and their room every now and then and make sure that everything is OK.
However, this creates a moral dilemma for a lot of parents out there. Should they respect their teen’s privacy? Do teens even have a right to privacy? The right answer to this question may not be clear and it relies on a lot of factors.
What Is Considered “Spying?”
Now, we need a clear definition of “spying” to determine if mom has even crossed a boundary. Going into your child’s room to clean up, collect dirty dishes and get the dirty clothes out from under the bed are normal routines that mom’s do. While these are things your teenager should be doing, this is what is “expected” of mom and would not be considered spying.
How much privacy do you feel a teenager should have in your home?
Spying is when you purposely look through belongings, including drawers, closets and phones in an attempt to find out information that your teen is not divulging to you.
When You Should NOT Snoop
Before we look at why it may be OK to snoop through your child’s room and phone, let’s look at some reasons why we really should be respecting their privacy. According to Fatherly, one of the biggest reasons we need to respect our teenager’s privacy is because we need to let them learn how to manage their own presence online.
The argument is that if parent’s have done the work, they have brought up teenagers who know how to make good decisions, both online and in their personal life. The worry is that the “harm” of a parent being caught snooping could be more damaging than whatever the parent ends up finding out from their mission.
When You Should Snoop
Now, for the other side of the coin. If mom has just reason to believe that her child is engaging in dangerous or illegal behavior, this may be the time to snoop. According to Univision, this is when mom would have not only permission, but a right, to snoop on her child’s phone and in their room. With that being said, it is also advised that mom has a conversation with her child about how she is feeling.
A good strategy may be to have a conversation with your teenager before you look into their phone or room. Give them a chance to open up to you and what is going on after hearing your suspicions. Chances are if your teen is not doing something, they won’t mind you looking through their devices. By approaching your teen first, you are showing that you do still respect their privacy.
It Is A Grey Area
Whether or not it is OK to snoop into your teenager’s life is much of a grey zone. There seems to be two consensus that are pretty consistent. If your teen is a straight-A student, honest and does not have a history of large, breaches of trust they should be left alone to their privacy. On the other hand, if mom has reason to think her teen is partaking in dangerous and maybe even illegal activity, phones and rooms may need to be looked through to ensure that their child is safe.
A lot of parents feel that it is much better to have a teen angry at you for snooping over a teenager that ends up getting hurt or in trouble because mom didn’t check when she sensed something was not right.
https://www.moms.com/snoop-teen-phone-room-bad-idea-good/
