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The complexity of getting married

blinding light said:
Thread title should be renamed to "Mamoon and potential bhabi - Act 1."

We disagree on a ton of things, but good luck on this, bro :)

This thread is going to be my sole source of entertainment halfway-through finals :p
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This thread is open to anyone to share their problems. :adnan
 
Oh sorry I thought it was on last night..Best of luck,btw how you will manage to talk to her in the gathering?

Ah,fine you will be 27-28 then:P
 
Mamoon said:
Problem is she doesn't smile much. Has a serious look most of the time.
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See, that´s the problem! You tend to over-theorise things a lot. I wrote that bit for a girl who I hadn´t even seen, yet she was like, "Oh´ my God! Sir, this is amazing!" *As a side note, what a nice friend she is! Always there for me whenever I am sad or depressed:)."

As long as the guy is the right one, some don´t even pay attention to the factuality of the compliments showered (you could easily go on praising their blue eyes even if they in fact have black ones).
 
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So Mamoon, let me get this straight.

You have a crush on your second cousin, who you've never spoken to, who acts as if you don't exist, and whose personality you have an idea about solely through Twitter?

Dude, at least go talk to her!

About anything, at least get to know her in real life. Do you ever tweet her? Do you have any cousin you can confide in, apart from the one in the UK?

If she's really that pretty, I'd be genuinely surprised if at least one other guy in your family doesn't have eyes for her. Not to mention any guys at her institution/workplace.

I can only say she either really likes you, or she really hates you, since she doesn't unite acknowledge your presence. Something tells me it might be the former.

Wouldn't it be something if this mystery cousin was a member on PP, and had gone through this whole thread?
 
Give her some clue of your interest in her tonight even if you are unable to talk straight.

At least let her know that you are feeling shy because of her or try to make an eye contact, eyes don't lie! :malik
 
How about this pick-up line?

"I want to live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way."
 
96NotOut said:
So Mamoon, let me get this straight.

You have a crush on your second cousin, who you've never spoken to, who acts as if you don't exist, and whose personality you have an idea about solely through Twitter?

Dude, at least go talk to her!

About anything, at least get to know her in real life. Do you ever tweet her? Do you have any cousin you can confide in, apart from the one in the UK?

If she's really that pretty, I'd be genuinely surprised if at least one other guy in your family doesn't have eyes for her. Not to mention any guys at her institution/workplace.

I can only say she either really likes you, or she really hates you, since she doesn't unite acknowledge your presence. Something tells me it might be the former.

Wouldn't it be something if this mystery cousin was a member on PP, and had gone through this whole thread?
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I get a bit nervous in her presence which is why I hesitate talking to her. :adnan

if someone else has eyes on her or if she already likes someone, I am okay with I guess.

I don't think its about liking/disliking. Like I mentioned before, my parents split up when I was 2 and lived with my Mum. Still do.

I didn't mingle with my Dad's family till around 2006-2007 and since then, we have been seeing each other on family dinners, functions and Eid etc. Haven't had much of a chance to talk to each other.
 
QazzarFan said:
Is your dad a terrorist?

- uh no

Coz, baby you're the bomb :afridi
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Follow that gem swiftly with this one:

"Are you a vegetable?"

- uh...'wth is wrong with you you freak?'

"Cuz baby you're Bhangan"
 
kaayal said:
Lol this made me come out of my self imposed retirment.:))

Good one Qazzarfan :) Mamoon,take a note ;-)
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Which means you were lurking around. Trust me, PP is more addictive than Heroine. :adnan
 
Btw, whatever happened to the "I am in love with my best friend's sister" thing you had going for a while.
 
DHONI183 said:
How about this pick-up line?

"I want to live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way."
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That's just a bit too creepy, she might think he has a foot fetish.
 
Saqs said:
Btw, whatever happened to the "I am in love with my best friend's sister" thing you had going for a while.
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The girl backed off even though her brother was okay with it. She was scared of getting caught especially because our Mum's are best friends too and it would have been an awkward situation.

Good riddance I say, she had a thing for Bollywood movies. :moyo
 
I like the taste of this one in TV shows. is the Game of Thrones and Walking Dead type of girl, rather than Hannah Montana. Was obsessed with Twilight once upon a time, but every 8th or 9th grade girl is.
 
Under the table proceedings are very significant. Rub your foot against hers, all good if she smiles. If she reacts angrily, apologise by saying that you thought that it's someone else's foot.

Sorry if it sounds perverse.
 
Blimey, that is going to take some courage.

What if she tells her parents?
 
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DHONI183 said:
Under the table proceedings are very significant. Rub your foot against hers, all good if she smiles. If she reacts angrily, apologise by saying that you thought that it's someone else's foot.

Sorry if it sounds perverse.
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Dude are you trying to get the guy killed?

What's with this obsession with feet?
 
Mamoon said:
I get a bit nervous in her presence which is why I hesitate talking to her. :adnan

if someone else has eyes on her or if she already likes someone, I am okay with I guess.

I don't think its about liking/disliking. Like I mentioned before, my parents split up when I was 2 and lived with my Mum. Still do.

I didn't mingle with my Dad's family till around 2006-2007 and since then, we have been seeing each other on family dinners, functions and Eid etc. Haven't had much of a chance to talk to each other.
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7/8 years is a long time.

You should have spoken to her. What does she study? Medicine? Maybe something along the lines of that.

I love the pickup lines in this thread, try one of them! :P

And what type of guy are you? You're ok with another guy liking the girl you want to marry? :facepalm:

If you don't man up and make a move, forget about it. I'm serious, then just keep dreaming.
 
96NotOut said:
7/8 years is a long time.

You should have spoken to her. What does she study? Medicine? Maybe something along the lines of that.

I love the pickup lines in this thread, try one of them! :P

And what type of guy are you? You're ok with another guy liking the girl you want to marry? :facepalm:

If you don't man up and make a move, forget about it. I'm serious, then just keep
dreaming.
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If she gets married to someone else, I won't be bitter about it. I will be upset but that won't stop me from dancing at her wedding. :ajmal

i think she is going to sit in the medical entrance exam in July.

How do I make the move? That is the issue here. I can wait till the right time and tell my parents which is risky of course.
 
How and why is it risky?

Your parents will ask you before they start the rishta hunt, why not save them the trouble and tell them you have someone in mind? It's your life, why are you so afraid?

By making a move, I mean either let her, or your parents know you're interested. Preferably the latter because dating within the family is a bad, bad idea.
 
96NotOut said:
You are so mean.

I love rice.
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amomentonthelipsforeveronthehips.gif_480_480_0_64000_0_1_0.gif


:dav
 
96NotOut said:
How and why is it risky?

Your parents will ask you before they start the rishta hunt, why not save them the trouble and tell them you have someone in mind? It's your life, why are you so afraid?

By making a move, I mean either let her, or your parents know you're interested. Preferably the latter because dating within the family is a bad, bad idea.
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I can't talk about my marriage right now. Its a awkward.

How can I let her know? you are a girl, tell me.
 
Definitely. She can't say no after that.

Ok, on a serious note. Some person gave you this eye contact tip earlier in this thread. Make eye contact, because eyes really are the window to your soul. Try to make friends for crying out loud. That'll tell you if you have a chance with her. #Friendzoned

The problem is, she's in your family, and I don't know how you guys function. If she was an outsider, then you'd have nothing to lose. Just go tell her she's looking great.
 
Geo should make a drama about Mamoon's life.

Btw, I've never heard that name before.
 
Is ur dad a drug dealer?

No dude!

Kyu ki tumhari jaise nasheeli cheez aur kaun bana sakta hai! :yk
 
Mamoon said:
2nd crush and third affair.

I've been on a date after which the girl started ignoring me completely to this day lol. :malik
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It was few days ago when you wrote that you like your best friend'd sister and your course has changed so early:P

Sounds quite a Dil Phaink person(please don't mind):P and Have I used the correct word?
 
Is she daddy's little princess?

If yes, none of the pickup lines (aboslute treasures!) will work.
 
cricket083 said:
It was few days ago when you wrote that you like your best friend'd sister and your course has changed so early:P

Sounds quite a Dil Phaink person(please don't mind):P and Have I used the correct word?
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Men change regularly, and so do their underwear and preferences.:afridi
 
cricket083 said:
It was few days ago when you wrote that you like your best friend'd sister and your course has changed so early:P

Sounds quite a Dil Phaink person(please don't mind):P and Have I used the correct word?
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Yes you have used the correct word but the saga with my cousin has been going on for a very long time now, but I've been exploring other options as well as a backup. :ajmal
 
Saqs said:
Geo should make a drama about Mamoon's life.

Btw, I've never heard that name before.
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Its a rare name, and many great people who have made their mark on the world have had rare names.
 
Telling her she looks great is a little flirty isn't it? :adnan
 
Gotta leave in 3 hours, looking for my best clothes. I know nothing is gonna happen but at least I'd enjoy the feast.

Good food > love.
 
Mamoon said:
Its a rare name, and many great people who have made their mark on the world have had rare names.
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Mamoon-ul-Rasheed was a famous Abbasid caliph. Son of the even more famous Haroon-ul-Rasheed.

Amin succeeded Haroon, but then Mamoon deposed his brother.


____________________
Say NO to Mullah Raj
 
Woah, the "feet" comment escalated quickly:)))!

Pakistani_Legend said:
@Mamoon:- Just send a letter to her, containing one of DHONI183's poems for Ellyse Perry.
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A few verses from my first poem ever from April 2013, edited to make them sound applicable to our bhai´s situation......

"Badly hurt, bruised and battered,
I still admire you for the courage you gathered,
Ignoring the hunters, you chase your dreams,
Flying above the sea and the streams."

The "hunters" bit here signifies other guys who might be having an eye on her as well. However, O´ my friend, I fear for you......

Fly not too high, requests you Rawal,
For this downfall won't have a revival,
Ultimately, it only has pain and grief,
The joy is short-lived, very brief."

*Complete piece actually read by Ellyse:heart:.*
 
Mamoon said:
Gotta leave in 3 hours, looking for my best clothes. I know nothing is gonna happen but at least I'd enjoy the feast.

Good food > love.
Click to expand...

Good luck, boy! My final bit of advice:

Just as she is about to eat, loudly shout "Stop!" Everyone will look in your direction. Quietly add here, "Make sure it´s not too hot."

Such things have worked for me at least; twice in life!
 
Ok, I have a little bit different view reg this.

Personally Mamoon, I think you are going about this in a completely wrong way.

There are 2 issues here:

1. Reg your views about marriage
2. Reg how you want to approach this situation

Reg your views about marriage

I get your point of view. You will asked be about your marriage preferences at 24 and you want to marry someone with whom you are already comfortable with and if you could know her very well a year or 2 beforehand, that would be the best thing.

But you see, there is a small problem here. Your age is just 22. I know you are very mature and analytical for your age but every person goes through a personal transformation where their views, outlook towards life changes considerably (and this is a continual development as they grow). Its like there are stages that a man goes through with each stages lasting for several years.

Now at 22, you are just a few years out of your teens.

Maybe you know exactly want in life but maybe that's just an illusion as there may be some drastic changes as you grow a few years older.

The problem with analytical people is that they become supremely confident of their views and they 100% believe they know exactly what they want and a great major level trasnformation hits them (where they move on to the next stage), they will find it really hard to ignore their new views especially if those views are in direct contradiction to the old ones.

Now you may believe that your views at 22 will always be consistent for the near future (and it may be true) but its a huge risk to assume that as odds are it won't be. And when it isn't, things can get messy if you make major life decisions looking at the world from your old lens.

What views am I talking about?

One example is the topic we are discussing here. The views about your marriage as in whom you want to marry, is it good to go ahead with it with your cousin, etc.

The assured way in which in which you are talking about marriage, whom you want to marry and stuff is GREAT actually (cos there is nothing wrong with planning as its very important) but at the same time, its important that you don't dive headfirst into decisions which may not allow you to have change of views later on.

Something to think about.

Having a crush and living life together with someone as different as chalk and cheese (no matter how strong your crush may be - matching interests don't mean much in the large scheme of things - you need more data to even consider someone as the right person).

Reg how you want to approach this situation

What you need to do is very simple. But its ain't easy.

Do you have friends (who are not drop dead handsome) who are great with the ladies?

Guys who can get girls to open up to them, confess their secrets to them (not like a friendzoned guy), get them to talk to them for hours and hours?

Guys whom girls find attractive (irrespective of his looks)?

Watching those guys in ACTION will teach you a lot. Talking to girls and creating chemistry (with good consistency) is a skill just like any skill. Some are born with it. Some develop it via observation and modelling. Some guys can actually articulate what they are doing but many can't. Many just naturally know what to do or they instinctively pick up how to do it from others.

That's why OBSERVING them gives you crystal clear data.

So here's they usually do:

1. They start a simple short conversation with a girl. The topic is usually from the current setting. A simple question or a simple hilarious comment or just a normal comment to get the conversation started. No pick up lines.

2. They don't go specifically go for some deep subject or try hard to find a matching interest (most guys do that as its easy to keep a conversation flowing when you latch on to a favorable conversation mover). The problem with it is that there is no chemistry created and once the topic dies out awkwardness sets in.

3. They don't go for an interview style questioning which freaks out girls. They make statements (just like what you do Mamoon in PP and get people all riled up) and the conversation moves on from there. A guy is who is good at this can talk to a girl for 10 minutes without even going into the what did you study, where do you work kinda stuff. Those are boring nonsense.

4. The key to what they do is they NEVER let a topic dictate the flow of a conversation. Sure they do use the power of matching interests (to build rapport) but they don't hang on to those conservation movers as if their life depends on it. The focus is NOT on the topic but on the interaction taking place. That's why these people keep the mood light and engage in simple banters, quick witted statements, etc that naturally lets a conversation FLOW on its own.

5. These guys usually let the other person do a lot of talking while controlling where the conversation is going (like making sure the conversation doesn't get too technical or boring or argumentative in a serious way).

6. They make the whole interaction is meant to be light and fun which makes it easier for girls to become comfortable. They don't agree on everything but at the same time, they don't turn the conversation into intense logical argument. They channel their different viewpoints in a fun way that keeps the conversation interesting.

Remember, unless a girl is comfortable in your presence, she won't open up and it would be very hard for any chemistry to develop. And whether we guys like it or not, creating chemistry and fun conversation is OUR onus. Not the girls. Unless the girl already has a huge crush on a guy.

7. They then get the girls number and they continue talking to them via phone, personal meeting and chat which then naturally leads to other things.

I have some friends who are a PRO at this. I never even bothered to watch their actions all these years. Recently when I was studying behavioral patterns of men and women (not official science stuff) and started observing others including my friends, things became very very clear.

So you just need to:

Step 1 - Start a conversation using something from the current setting.

Step 2 - Keep it fun. Or try to as much as possible. Basically, make her comfortable.

Step 3 - Try to continue that conversation via other channels later on (most preferable is phone).

Also I think you are putting pressure on yourself (on a subconscious level) if you look at her as someone you want to marry. Just look at her as any other girl you would want to date and things would be much more smoother.
 
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battler said:
^ Omg dude, are u a professor!
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Actually I am not.

Should have added that disclaimer.

I am rubbish at this (or was a few years ago).

I am more comfortable with all this now but due to my work related stuff, couldn't meet many females. So I dunno (considering you only get good at this kind of stuff with practice - unless you are naturally born with it - which I wasn't).

Probably I am just a good theory guy. Haha.
 
Lol what a long lecture sensible india fan!!!!

Actually I appreciate you for putting that much effort in your post but it sounds too complicated.

Key is,just make it simple otherwise you will freak her out..:asif
 
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I was reading this , thought it might be interesting for some people around here!

She weeps for a dead man, who departed with honor:
But he that still lives has more need of her tears.
STrange ! She weeps for one who died an easy natural death.
And she has no pity for him whom she tortures in despair. - (Ibn Hazm)

"Opposites are of course likes, in reality ; when things reach the limit of contrariety, and stand at the farthest bounds of divergence, they come to resemble one another. Thus when ice is pressed a long time in hand, it finally produces the same effect as fire. We find that extreme joy and extreme sorrow kill equally ; excessive and violent laughter sends the tears coursing from the eyes. "
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(Ibn Hazm)
 
DHONI183 said:
Good luck, boy! My final bit of advice:

Just as she is about to eat, loudly shout "Stop!" Everyone will look in your direction. Quietly add here, "Make sure it´s not too hot."

Such things have worked for me at least; twice in life!
Click to expand...

Next time if you come up with these kind of creepy advice,i will not care that you are my brother. :viv
 
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Lots of advice here for mamoon. Personally I'd say just be strong and let the girl know what you really think of her and what you want. Don't let fear of rejection stop you from doing anything. Girls love guys who are decisive and strong. If she still rejects you then just find another. :afridi
 
kaayal said:
Lol what a long lecture sensible india fan!!!!

Actually I appreciate you for putting that much effort in your post but it sounds too complicated.

Key is,just make it simple otherwise you will freak her out..:asif
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Actually its pretty straight forward.

There are no 10,000 rules.

Its all about having conversations that create attraction and chemistry.

Guys who know what they are doing can do this effortlessly day in and day out.
 
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sensible-indian-fan said:
Haha.

I can type fast.

And maybe I am just jobless today.

My work is not hectic but it isn't one where I get to meet a lot of people.
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Wowie, I'm seriously impressed. I can only dream of typing that fast.

I agree with you though, if you know what you're doing, you get her.
 
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