Would you marry a woman who has children from a previous relationship?

[PakLFC]

Being a single and childless man would you marry a divorced, widowed or any kind of mother? After some thought I decided not too, had been thinking about it for a while. I fully recognize that in Islam we are encouraged to do so.

 

[sweep_shot]

I see no issue in marrying a single woman with children.

As long as the lady is a practicing Muslimah and has a good heart, I am cool with it.

 

[PakLFC]

I see no issue in marrying a single woman with children.

As long as the lady is a practicing Muslimah and has a good heart, I am cool with it.

That makes you better then me then in this regard.

 

[Technics 1210]

OP must be asking 'for a friend'.

 

[Mamoon]

No.

 

[SpiritOf1903]

Nope..

 

[PakLFC]

So sweep_shot is the only angel among us so far

 

[CricketCartoons]

Only if you cannot have kids of your own. Otherwise not fair to your own blood kids that they get less of what could have been all theirs.

 

[from_da_lost_dim3nsion]

Mannnn !! theoretically its shouldn't be a problem but having been in this particular situation I can tell you that its a mess . No matter how good you are with the kids , you are not their real/biological parent . If the biological dad is in the picture then it becomes hella awkward during holidays and birthdays.Too much to go in detail but its not like you can;t make it work but you'll have to be on your guard all the times . It take sits toll after a while .

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

Yes, i know women who are divorced with kids, marry childless men, and have good good marriages. So i would have no problem with that. However there is nothing wrong OP, with you not wanting to do so.

 

[Lurker_Ind]

Huge Baggage. You should not be responsible for some other man's failure (unless the woman is a widow).

 

[sweep_shot]

So sweep_shot is the only angel among us so far

To be fair, I am single and I am yet to marry. So, I may not have much practical experience. But, I am fine with it on paper.

 

[Nadeemp]

To be fair, I am single and I am yet to marry. So, I may not have much practical experience. But, I am fine with it on paper.

I have a kid and an adopted kid. There is no difference after times passes a bit.

 

[Bewal Express]

In our culture( more than in some) it ends in tears. On some rare occasions, I have seen it work but when you look closely, the Women are attractive, so I suppose the hassle is worth it.

 

[PetroDollars]

Its common in the western world to have relationships with men/women divorced with kids, its unfortunate in islam men only want virgin girls, in pakistan its even common that the women must bleed on her first night otherwise its over.

 

[Savak]

Our society looks brutally upon divorcees with no kids even if the divorce was not their fault, and here you are talking about a divorced woman with kids

 

[Savak]

When I was meeting girls before I got married, one girl was a divorcee, I agreed to meet her a few times to see if things worked out, but she didn't disclose to me that she was a mother.

I knew it would be a huge problem with my family and I didn't contact her again.

 

[Bigboii]

Its common in the western world to have relationships with men/women divorced with kids, its unfortunate in islam men only want virgin girls, in pakistan its even common that the women must bleed on her first night otherwise its over.

10 out of 9 times a single man/ woman with no kids would never marry a divorcee man or woman with kids and it doesn't matter if it's west, China or Mars that's just human nature nothing to do with Desi/ Muslim or Islam "culture"

 

[Mueez]

When I was meeting girls before I got married, one girl was a divorcee, I agreed to meet her a few times to see if things worked out, but she didn't disclose to me that she was a mother.

I knew it would be a huge problem with my family and I didn't contact her again.

Bro you got married?! Congrats.

 

[Mueez]

I see no issue in marrying a single woman with children.

As long as the lady is a practicing Muslimah and has a good heart, I am cool with it.

Exactly. It shouldn’t be a problem as long as the lady respects your parents and has a good heart as you said.

Prophet Muhammad saw. married Zaynab bint Jahsh after she got divorced...

Our society has values that have nothing to add. Instead of looking at somebody’s character/honesty etc. they look if the girl is virgin or not.

Perhaps I’m a bit young to talk about these kind of things but being a son of a divorcee my thoughts are more open-minded and other people may not agree with me and I respect and understand their stance too.

 

[Local.Dada]

I see no issue in marrying a single woman with children.

As long as the lady is a practicing Muslimah and has a good heart, I am cool with it.

I thought you would be the last guy who would say that based on your posts. Kudos. Respect.

Obviously the second part can be ignored but to each his own. No issues there.

 

[sweep_shot]

I thought you would be the last guy who would say that based on your posts. Kudos. Respect.

Obviously the second part can be ignored but to each his own. No issues there.

I don't have my own child as I am yet to marry. So, for me, it is not an issue.

I also don't care if the step-child doesn't like me very much. As long as wife is happy, I am fine.

 

[Savak]

This thread makes me feel like ****, i used to have a blanket nothing to do with a divorced girl with no kids and a divorced girl with a kid view. Now my baby sister is facing a torrid time in her marriage where now our entire family has told her that if she chooses to leave her husband, they will whole heartedly fully back and support her. My mother who is a staunch pathan, who grew up with a staunch opinion of "Once a Pakistani girl gets married, good or bad, emotionally, verbally or physically abusive or not, she has to suck it up and deal with it for the rest of her life", even she after seeing how things have just kept getting worse day by day has finally told my dad, to go and get her out of this marriage.

After lobbying for an entire year for support from her entire family for support, my sister now because of the fear and stigma associated with being a divorcee, has now backtracked and is very hesitant to take that step and make the decision.

It is frightening to see a girl with so much self confidence, belief, who was very social is now reduced to being a punch bag and with no self confidence in her abilities and self worth. My guilt stems from the fact that this could be Karma for how i used to feel on this issue before.

 

[Robert]

Being a single and childless man would you marry a divorced, widowed or any kind of mother? After some thought I decided not too, had been thinking about it for a while. I fully recognize that in Islam we are encouraged to do so.

That’s admirable.

It’s tough to step up and assume the father role for children you didn’t make. But it is also the most rewarding thing I ever did.

Within four years i was “double promoted” to quote Mrs Robert, into grandfatherhood.

As for the comment about “huge baggage” - be a baggage handler. The only things worth doing are the hard things.

 

[PakLFC]

That’s admirable.

It’s tough to step up and assume the father role for children you didn’t make. But it is also the most rewarding thing I ever did.

Within four years i was “double promoted” to quote Mrs Robert, into grandfatherhood.

As for the comment about “huge baggage” - be a baggage handler. The only things worth doing are the hard things.

What if the kid's one day tell you "you're not my real Dad!". That will surely offend you like no ones business.

 

[sweep_shot]

What if the kid's one day tell you "you're not my real Dad!". That will surely offend you like no ones business.

I would not be offended. Technically, step-children aren't real children. So, unless you are heavily emotionally invested, you shouldn't be offended.

Step-children are like free-hits in cricket. If they are nice, good. If not, no big deal.

 

[PakLFC]

I would not be offended. Technically, step-children aren't real children. So, unless you are heavily emotionally invested, you shouldn't be offended.

Step-children are like free-hits in cricket. If they are nice, good. If not, no big deal.

If you treat them like your kids and spend your money on them to be told you're not their Dad it's a kick in the guts. Most men would never accept that.

 

[moghul]

Being a single and childless man would you marry a divorced, widowed or any kind of mother? After some thought I decided not too, had been thinking about it for a while. I fully recognize that in Islam we are encouraged to do so.

You're talking about business or marriage ? If you lover her, go ahead if you don;t answer is obvious.

 

[Itachi]

You're talking about business or marriage ? If you lover her, go ahead if you don;t answer is obvious.

Exactly.

If kids are "obstruction" in marrying her, it simply means you don't love her enough to accept the "beggage" that she may carry. There's nothing wrong with that but if you realize that, then you shouldn't be dating such woman because it will only lead to her heartache and it is absolutely not fair.

If it's all out on the table, decide whether you can go ahead. If not, end it.

 

[Robert]

What if the kid's one day tell you "you're not my real Dad!". That will surely offend you like no ones business.

Then I would have replied “But I am the one who stepped up to help your mother take care of you“.

Never happened to me. They call me Robert or stepfather. It’s fine.

 

[Robert]

I would not be offended. Technically, step-children aren't real children. So, unless you are heavily emotionally invested, you shouldn't be offended.

Step-children are like free-hits in cricket. If they are nice, good. If not, no big deal.

They are not free. They are hard work. But rewarding.

 

[Itachi]

What if the kid's one day tell you "you're not my real Dad!". That will surely offend you like no ones business.

Depends on their past.

A separation would cause serious trauma especially in the mind of a child and they will try every defensive shield out there to keep their sanity.

Some will hard to imagine you as a father figure if the father is still alive and they have childhood memories with him. It's natural instinct that they would want their biological father and mother be together.

If as an adult, you will be offended in such types of conditions, it's a sign that you not only failed as a step father but as a father too.

 

[Justcrazy]

I can marry a divorcee , but not someone with Children. I do not think I can do justice , its a big responsiblity and later on there are chances of contradiction.

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

This thread makes me feel like ****, i used to have a blanket nothing to do with a divorced girl with no kids and a divorced girl with a kid view. Now my baby sister is facing a torrid time in her marriage where now our entire family has told her that if she chooses to leave her husband, they will whole heartedly fully back and support her. My mother who is a staunch pathan, who grew up with a staunch opinion of "Once a Pakistani girl gets married, good or bad, emotionally, verbally or physically abusive or not, she has to suck it up and deal with it for the rest of her life", even she after seeing how things have just kept getting worse day by day has finally told my dad, to go and get her out of this marriage.

I am sorry to hear your sister is having a tough time in her marriage. However you do not need to feel guilty at all. Your sister's husband is responsible. You could be the biggest ******* in the world yet that still does make it ok for that guy to mistreat her.

After lobbying for an entire year for support from her entire family for support, my sister now because of the fear and stigma associated with being a divorcee, has now backtracked and is very hesitant to take that step and make the decision.

Its a huge decision on whether to keep or end a marriage. Especially if there are children. So its understandable that she is hesitant.

However she should know the stigma of divorce is not the same as it was before. The majority of Middle Class and above girls who are divorced, get remarried. I myself have a decent number of female relatives who have been divorced. And the majority of them have remarried. Also keep in mind that for every divorced girl, there is a divorced guy.

And while its her decision, the support from her family is immense. Think about it this way, she had lobbied for family support for one year. And she was told things like "Once a Pakistani girl gets married, good or bad, emotionally, verbally or physically abusive or not, she has to suck it up and deal with it for the rest of her life".

She might not have been able to do anything to defend herself from his abuse before, because she might have felt that she did not have support from her family in case it led to a divorce. So hopefully the power dynamics will be different now, that she knows she has her family backing.

With that said, i am not advocating for her to take a divorce or to not take a divorce. Only she can make that decision.

It is frightening to see a girl with so much self confidence, belief, who was very social is now reduced to being a punch bag and with no self confidence in her abilities and self worth. My guilt stems from the fact that this could be Karma for how i used to feel on this issue before.

Its tough to see a loved one go through this, and not be able to do much to help. However you and your family have already dont the best thing you could by giving your sister support if she wants to end this marriage.

 

[PakLFC]

Depends on their past.

A separation would cause serious trauma especially in the mind of a child and they will try every defensive shield out there to keep their sanity.

Some will hard to imagine you as a father figure if the father is still alive and they have childhood memories with him. It's natural instinct that they would want their biological father and mother be together.

If as an adult, you will be offended in such types of conditions, it's a sign that you not only failed as a step father but as a father too.

I can never accept someone's kids as my own. Just won't have the same feelings for them. I think this applies to the majority of men. Those who marry mothers mostly do so for wealth or lust, one they get that regret is what they live with for the rest of their lives. No, there is a massive difference between being a poor step father and a great biological one, there is no comparison between the two whatsoever. I can adopt a fatherless child then be a good one without needing to marry his mother.

 

[PakLFC]

By the way the same question to any ladies on this forum. Would you marry a man with kid's?

 

[from_da_lost_dim3nsion]

I can never accept someone's kids as my own. Just won't have the same feelings for them. I think this applies to the majority of men. Those who marry mothers mostly do so for wealth or lust, one they get that regret is what they live with for the rest of their lives. No, there is a massive difference between being a poor step father and a great biological one, there is no comparison between the two whatsoever. I can adopt a fatherless child then be a good one without needing to marry his mother.

Never say Never ! . There are a lot of factors involved . To me it matter how young the kid is , if its between formative years then its a bit easier . Fatherhood is not just about sperm donation . Another important factor is how much the biological father is involved in teh kids life .

 

[PakLFC]

Never say Never ! . There are a lot of factors involved . To me it matter how young the kid is , if its between formative years then its a bit easier . Fatherhood is not just about sperm donation . Another important factor is how much the biological father is involved in teh kids life .

This is a permanent decision never I am afraid. Would adopt a child then treat him as my own then marry a lady then be forced to play Dad. Doesn't matter to me if or not the real Dad is part of the kid's life or not.

 

[prakash]

Didn't Prophet's(PBUH) first wife have children from prior marriages? So, isn't it sunnah to marry a woman who has children from a previous relationship? Just asking as my knowledge on Islam is shallow.

 

[Gharib Aadmi]

Didn't Prophet's(PBUH) first wife have children from prior marriages? So, isn't it sunnah to marry a woman who has children from a previous relationship? Just asking as my knowledge on Islam is shallow.

Yes. And Yes.

However Sunnah is only a recommendation.

 

[James]

I have my own wife and children.

But hypothetically, yes I would do this.

Don’t see an issue with it.

 

[MenInG]

For Asians who are not that close to their own family, this will not be an issue - the real challenge comes from the family (parents, siblings views)