Good 'ol Days of Fun: [TSN Reports] "Pakistan will be playing Cricket" : Misbah-ul-Haq's neighborhood Doodhwalla

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To those who are new(ish) to PP, let me take you back to the good 'ol days when we used to run a little section of light-hearted humour called The Source News [TSN].

Idea was to come up with some funny articles using current issues in Pakistan cricket - of course in good taste - but to lighten the mood a bit.

Have a look at this one we did a day before the India Pakistan 2015 World Cup Encounter on February 15.

Of course we know what happened in it but you can tell from the tone in this article what the general thinking was before the game :D

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[TSN Reports] "Pakistan will be playing Cricket" : Misbah-ul-Haq's neighborhood Doodhwalla

As the drums of war beat senselessly in the predominantly Indian and Pakistani countries of UK/USA as well as India and Pakistan, the world of social media is now alight and burning profusely with rumors and analysis of all descriptions regarding the epic Pakistan-India World Cup match on Sunday.

To put an effective end to such random rumor mongering and to provide a sense of reality to these news reports, the TSN (The Source News) in what is being regarded as a scoop of the highest proportions, spoken exclusively to someone who many sources describe as the King or Mother of all sources - the neighborhood Doodhwalla who lives approx 50km from Misbah-ul-Haq's house in an undisclosed location.

Known by his pseudonym "TVCorrepondentForaFamousChannel", or affectionately known as Uncle, the gentleman in question spoke to the TSN on exclusive terms where he revealed in detail the strategies that the Pakistan team will adopt in the all important dhoti-snatching & banyan ripping 2015 World Cup encounter against dated rivals - The Republic of India.

We began by asking him about the sticky and rather infectious topic of Younis Khan and his entitlement to bat in the team "Look Bhai, first of all , let me disclose the basis of the Pakistan strategy. Pakistan will be playing Cricket and Younis Khan will bat where he likes and he will take that decision at approx 5 minutes before start of the innings. It is at that point, based on agreed and well recognized principles of planning ahead, Waqar Younis will decide where the rest of the ten players will fit in. It is is quite possible if one were to delve heavily for more than 30 seconds in past records that positions 3,4 seem to not suit Younis. But then who is to stay that by batting at 1,5 or even 11 he will not deliver that killer punch which will knock the bejeebers out of Sachin Tendulkar and his frends? Yes SRT is not playing any more but I believe by imagining him in the other team makes every Pakistani feel special”, Uncle added.

The traditional exchange of goodwill between two camps has also reached new heights with misinformation being spread about Shahid Afridi and Ahmed Shehzad who have been accused of appearing in cohesion in different physical and virtual locations, with unfounded rumors that the two players were fined Rupees 10 for showing up late at a local bar by Waqar Younis. However, the fact remains that both players form the backbone of a Pakistan batting line up which incidentally also caused Indian skipper MS Dhoni to be admitted in hospital due to a medical condition described as “stitches”. In a related development, paramedics were also called in after the captain of the Pakistan team, Baba Misbah-ul-Haq swallowed a whole chicken at a restaurant with an attached bar not found in Larkana, when informed about the possibility of an Indian bowler who had been clocked at no less than 100 km/h by the local Tanga [horse carriage] company.

To many experts and others who have seen cricket atleast twice in their 10 year lifetime, the Pakistani bowling attack will be the key factor in this encounter which could see Indian handing Kashmir back to Pakistan or Pakistan handing over actress Meera to India in return if the unthinkable happens. A Pakistan victory over arch rivals for the first time in a World Cup will be a great achievement but for that to happen the Pakistan bowling will need to show up on time. A veteran of many analysis and with a strike rate of approximately 2.6/100 doodh deliveries to the right addresses in his locality, the Uncle explained how Pakistan will be approaching their bowling “Its simple Oi bewaqoofo, the key is Younis Khan. If he can bowl the first 5 overs and also chip in with the death overs then the rest of the bowlers such as that new kid Irfan and his sidekick Yasir Shah can chip in with a few overs in between – remember the master plan was not hatched yesterday or the day before. The plan is due to hatch after toss tomorrow”, he concluded.
 
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My gardener was telling me that in this upcoming ICC T20I World Cup 2024, Inzamam Ul Haq will cross the barrier of 100 MPH and will bowl the fastest delivery in the tournament. Because he is a fan of Inzi's fitness.
 
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To be honest some of the journalists nowadays break news in cricket in much the same was in post#1 - the sort of obvious facts they present are truly mind boggling.
 
To many experts and others who have seen cricket atleast twice in their 10 year lifetime, the Pakistani bowling attack will be the key factor in this encounter which could see Indian handing Kashmir back to Pakistan or Pakistan handing over actress Meera to India in return if the unthinkable happens.
hahahh...the best part. Hope the quadruple of Abbas Afridi, SSA, Naseem and Ihsanullah does this around in 2024 T20 WC.
 
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